Her breathing is slow and even, a fact that contrasts heavily with the erratic beats of her heart. The sadness burrows deep, until it wrenches her from the bed in one frightening jolt.
There is a queer expression that surfaces her features, as if she is unsure of what to think.
When she stands and makes for the door, she relinquishes control of her body. It is searching for comfort, and something to alleviate the pain.
Without bothering to cover her nightdress, she enters the deserted hallway. Instantly, the darkness infiltrates with a thickening coldness that has nothing to do with the temperature.
Perhaps it is the impending fear that is settling deep in her stomach, or the anxiety that she may not find her painkiller, but on she walks. The cold, dark path does little to deter her will for security.
Though she cannot physically see her way, there is a strange force that is pulling her somewhere.
When she descends a set of stairs, there is a small light coming from a side room off the next level's hallway.
Only when she is standing quietly by the large wooden columns does she break from her reverie.
The soft voices tune her mind to the conversation between two people sitting on a large couch by the crackling fireplace.
"Don't," says a familiar deep voice.
And Rin sees him, Obito, sitting beside a woman she has never seen before. There is a mixed expression of discomfort and vexation inundating his features when he leans uneasily from her.
The woman, it seems, is looking sulkily at him.
"You were always keen when you were here, why aren't you up for it this time?" The woman says.
Her arms are wrapped tightly around his waist, and there is a look of longing in her salacious gaze.
"I'm not interested, go find someone else," he replies coldly.
"I don't want anyone else, I've been thinking about you for months, hoping you'd come back so we can re-visit our times together."
He scowls at her.
"Re-visit our times together? You make it sound like we had a proper history."
The woman sighs loudly.
"I would call it a proper history," she pouts.
He sends her a contemptuous look.
"I fucked you twice in the span of a year, I wouldn't call that a proper history," he answers disdainfully.
"We could make it a proper history!"
"I'm not interested in you, what part of it don't you get?"
"You were interested enough to sleep with me."
"And that was all I was ever interested in," he replies bluntly.
"Are you seeing a woman or something?"
Obito does not answer, but the expression he gives signify his answer.
"Who is she?" The woman demands.
There is silence, and in that brief stillness, the woman appears to merge two and two.
"She left you didn't she?" There is a slyness to her tone as she speaks, "I can make it better, she doesn't deserve you. And you said it yourself, you're not interested in anything else about me, so why would it matter now then? How about it?"
Obito remains silent, but his expression alters into a more contemplative look. There is hurt and devastation behind his gaze, as if his mind is racing for the most cogent course of action to alleviate the pain.
He states avidly at the clenched fists on his lap.
"Sh-She hates me," he says falteringly.
The woman frowns. She did not seem to expect the sudden outburst of emotions coming from him. Perhaps she has only ever seen one side of him - a cold, dangerous side whose emotions are kept intact, blank and hostile.
"I don't hate you," the woman says, "Forget about her."
"I c-can't," he utters quietly, "everything I do, I do for her."
The woman stares in disbelief
"What's so great about her anyway? She obviously put you in this shitty position right now."
At her comment, Obito winces uncomfortably, as if her words offend him and he is physically restraining himself from doing something.
"She believed in me," he answers quietly, "When the world turned away and gave up on me, she was the only one who stood by my side."
"Hmph! Then where is she then? Why isn't she here?"
"I betrayed her," Obito states bluntly.
"What?"
"Amnesia. She recovered."
His voice is oddly robotic, and Rin gets the feeling he is speaking his mind to no one in particular.
"She never loved you did she? She loved someone else?"
"Her amnesia…I didn't want to deny her."
"Hang on, she had feelings for you and you took advantage of her amnesia?"
The woman's gaze is now wide with interest. Her ability to form a cohesive understanding of Obito's situation is remarkably impressive.
"I didn't want to deny her," Obito says again.
The woman lets out a bewildered laugh.
"I'm sure that is a reason but her amnesia was also the perfect opportunity to have that intimacy reciprocated. I mean, who wouldn't take that benefit, getting all that intimacy from the person they love-"
"No," he interrupts, "No benefits to me. Everything I do, I do for her."
The woman frowns. And it takes her several long seconds to process Obito's vague statement.
"You reciprocated her feelings and advances because you didn't want to deny her, and the reason you did not want to deny her was because you loved her, isn't that right?" She says.
He does not answer, but there is a set of guilty emotions that parades his face. It spells the answer to the woman's question.
"So basically you're happy to be an experimental doll for her? Reciprocate everything for her, let her do anything to you, emotionally and physically, just to satisfy her needs and wants? That's a very one way relationship if you ask me."
The woman's tone is almost hysterical.
"She believed in me when no one else did. She can use me however she wants."
There is a stiff silence to this blunt comment.
Rin's mind is swirling in a cycle of discontentment and confusion, yet the information she gets is doing little to settle the apprehension in her thoughts.
"I find it hard to believe she would suddenly switch off her feelings for you now that her amnesia is gone," the woman says speculatively, "But hey at least she loved you and not the other person she initially loved."
"I feel like I cheated," Obito answers vacantly.
"She'd never love you otherwise, she would just lament over the other person."
"Cheat to get her? It's not real then. I'd rather let her lament over him."
"You must really hate yourself," the woman frowns.
"What is there to like? I couldn't even protect her, and even now with so much power, I'm still failing. All I want is for her to be happy but the more I try, the worse I seem to make things. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."
At this point, he seems to be speaking out of raw anguish than anything logical.
"Just forget about her! She's not worth it. Come with me, I can make it all better," the woman says.
But Obito appears to be lost in a trance of his own toxic thoughts.
He does not move, nor respond when the woman stands to indicate her departure.
"Fine! Mope alone then," and with that, the woman stalks off.
x
The harrowing silence is more perceptible than the darkness of the hallway.
Logic tells her to leave, but hurt and guilt compels her to stand rooted to the spot.
Rin cannot comprehend the revelation of Obito's suffering. Of all people to divulge, why would it be to someone who is remarkably insensitive?
But it was done with intention. He needed someone to confide in, but also someone who has zero capacity to process the deepness of such painful turmoil.
And it breaks her, that his source of comfort is to seek out someone who will not respond to the desperation of his inner despair.
But she has been beside him all this time, and not once has he showed the slightest inclination to disclose such anguish to her.
Obito knows. From the very beginning, hostility was perhaps the only way he could have distanced himself from her.
She makes the inarguable connection between his reluctance to pursue their relationship and the possibility of her regret to it. He knows he would not be able to deny her if she pursued him. The hostility was almost justifiable. But then, why did he not tell her?
"I didn't want to deny you."
But such reason was not enough to justify withholding such crucial information. Perhaps he did not want to ruin the happiness she had found in him? On her end, she gets a strong instinct there may be other reasons she does not know.
When the rapid beats of anxiety diminishes, she returns her gaze to Obito, who is still sitting in the same space with his body hunched forward and his face buried in his hands.
Even at her approach, he does not stir. Perhaps he is lost in his own thoughts?
There is nothing her mind can assimilate. Rin is staring down at his withdrawn demeanour.
The soft touch instantly breaks his reverie, as if he is already so attuned to her presence. When he looks to her, there is a terrible sleeve of devastation that suffuses his expression.
He does not speak, just stares wide-eyed.
"I don't understand," she whispers blankly.
"If you must leave, please just leave and put me out of my misery," he says.
His voice is quiet, yet there is a hard edge to his tone that indicates some level of assertiveness.
She winces uneasily at his comment.
In that same moment, she finds herself speaking her desires. The love she has for him, though discomforting, is unfathomably intense.
"I don't regret anything," she answers softly.
His expression is an indicator that he does not comprehend her words and is perhaps awaiting something unpleasant.
The speculation hurts, but she swallows back the impending feelings of disappointment.
"The bitterness was painful, but if this was the only way we could happen, I will do it all over again," she says quietly.
His bewildered stare morphs into confusion, as if he is looking lost and vulnerable in a world where he should feel protected.
But she takes his face and presses his head against her chest. The warmth of his skin is enough to vanquish the suffocating sensation of discontentment.
"Do you feel safer now?" She asks lightly.
Obito remains unusually still.
He does not speak for awhile, until he gently withdraws from her and the wet droplets of tears are damp against her nightdress.
"I failed...I-I don't know how to fix it without making it worse," he utters hopelessly.
Without a change of expression, Rin takes his hand and steps in for another embrace.
"It's okay," she answers softly, "You always did your best."