I know

Lemy leaned against the wall of the subway station with Marsha on his back; his headphones blasted music as workers and other people walked in and out of the wagons. The voice of Andi Deris kicked in his ears at high volume. It's the 17:00 hours, and even when there was a huge amount of people waiting in the station, it is not even close to the amount of people in peak hour. Around 8:00 is when this place fills like a football stadium; people going to work or returning from night shift, this place really gets crowded.

Lemy looked at the screen of his phone for the fifth time, making sure he didn't arrive late.

Come on dude, play it cool; if Lina sees that you're that eager for her, what will she think? You´ll look desperate and like a creep. Girls don't like that…

He shook his head. It isn't normal to lose your head talking to yourself all day, especially when all you say is negative shit… Or maybe Loan it's not the only schizophrenic in the family; maybe I'll need a few of her meds…

Lemy sighed and rubbed his sweaty hands against the fabric of his pants. Breathe. Exhale.

This is the situation: my first week of school was pretty much like I thought it would be: a bad taste joke like one of those Aunt Luan cracks outta nowhere in the worst of the moments. You saw what happened the first day, you think that's bad? Well, whenever I think they can't come with something worse they take it as a personal challenge. Every day is one new shit over another. And I can make a list about the crap I've been getting at school: from something simple as people taking my pants down, to more elaborate stuff as people filling my seat with red paint. Man, I ruined a good pair, and those idiots got really creative with the menstruation jokes.

And to be honest, I could go and rant about all the bad things happening in my life. But yesterday I received the only proof I needed to be sure my existence wasn't a comedy play created to entertain a supernatural being: A message from Lina.

"See u at the Kennedy station this Friday at 5, I have an idea to get some money for the festival, and take your guitar with you ;P"

What the fuck is that emoji supposed to mean? In fact, what the fuck are all emojis supposed to mean? Like, why were they created for? Are they supposed to be used instead of real words? Or are they used to identify the real meaning of a sentence? If that's the case, what am I supposed to understand from a face winking? Is she flirting with me or it means that she's kidding? And that tongue… I must ask aunt Leni for some texting lessons; she may not be able to identify if a word is written with V or B, but I have received texts from Leia written only with emojis and Aunt Leni could decode them like Allan Turing did whit the German enigma code.

Remember when Aunt Luan told him to be more aware of his surroundings or something might happen to him? It was actually a good advice, but like with most things his family says, he didn't listen. A girl with silver hair has been standing next to him for several minutes now; she's been looking at him with her beautiful blue eyes but Lemy was too busy in his own shit. She poked him on the ribs, and he jumped like SpongeBob on that Halloween episode.

"Daydreaming as always, Lem? If you keep doing it you'll be robbed one day and you won't even notice." Lina said with a sincere smile. I don't know what you think, but her smile is so beautiful it could cure cancer.

Maybe it was too beautiful he couldn't answer; Lina used a pair of mini shorts and a tight orange tank top, a black beanie and sneakers. She glanced at him with curiosity, and then she leaned forward and planed a kiss on his cheek.

Imaginary steam blew from his ears and his face went fully red.

Lina looked at him worried; maybe the kiss was too much. Lemy, on the other hand, seemed to have blown up all the tension. This was a good signal. Lina smiled and showed him the case. She lifted the lid and took out an orange guitar made of light wood and filled with stickers and draws about pop culture she made with sharpie; this gave the guitar a really urban aspect. Lemy had never put stickers on any his girls; he loved them too much to taint their beautiful 'skin' with such things.

"Her name's Dayana." Lina showed her guitar with pride. Lemy asked for permission to hold it, and after getting a nod from Lina he inspected the instrument; it was a dreadnought and the body felt like ash tree, it was electroacoustic just like Lyra's. He made himself comfortable and played a simple scale. The sound came clean; the old strings were in the right tune.

"Sounds good" He handed the guitar back and he took his own from the case. "So… why did you tell me to bring my guitar? Please tell me we're not here to play for money…"

Lemy smiled as he thought about it; he? Play on the subway for a few coins? Like that's gonna happen. What will be next, create a GoFudnMe to buy a subway sandwich?

Then he glanced at her; that look on her eyes and that cocky smile gave him a bad feeling. His smile faded and changed for an expression of surprise. He shook his head.

"Oh no, no, no, no. No way, I'm not going to play in front of a bunch of strangers. Besides I don't think it's allowed."

Don't get the wrong idea bro, of course I want to play in the big leagues, that's why I follow mom wherever she plays; if there's a chance where I can show what I'm made of, what's better that playing in front of a crowd that went there to actually have a good time and listen to some good old rock? That's much better that interrupting people's talk with music you don't know if they'll like. Personally, I hate those crazy preachers that get in the wagons to talk about God and Jesus and shit. Some of them know me, and they even use me as an example of "a punishment for going against God's word and will". Nope, I'm not into that.

"Oh come on, are you telling me you're scared of breaking the law? Oh, I get it, you have stage fright." She mocked.

Lemy bit his lower lip; he knows he's making a fool of himself in front of Lina, but he can't help it. Just like he doesn't like when others force him to listen or watch shit he doesn't like, he doesn't think it's fair to force other people to listen to his own trash.

She still had that stupid smile on her face. It was useless; he knew no matter what she asked he'll give in, he always does. This was one of those good-bad things: his macho pride told him that he'd have to stand his ground at some point; one day he'd have to say no, there'll be hurt feelings but that's how things are, it's not his fault.

And then there's the other part, the part that makes him worry about his sisters and aunts, the part that forces him to please the women around him and succumb to them because, what is pride to the happiness of a girl?

I know bro, I'm pathetic.

"Alright, you win." You can make fun of me. I deserve it.

Lina smiled and punched gently on the shoulder.

The people inside the wagon listened to them as they jammed; Lina's soft voice was so good even some of the passengers with headphones took them off to listen. Lemy backed her up with the guitar; he didn't dare to sing because thanks to fucking puberty he's afraid his voice might break in the middle of the song, so the silver-haired girl was in charge of singing the lyrics to 'Back in Black', 'The House of the Rising Sun' and even 'Sweet Home Alabama' (fuck the black guy in the background). This was new to him; usually, the people who cheered for him when he played were big, old bearded guys from the places mom plays. Now, normal people tapped their feet, snapped their fingers and moved their heads to the rhythm coming from Marsha.

Lina, being the vocalist, played the part of the bass and a few simple arrangements. Lemy impressed more than one person as he played just like the legends of rock, filling the wagon with simple and complicated chords from classic songs.

When they finished playing the third piece, Lina took off her beanie and picked the tips passengers offered and thanked them with that beautiful smile of hers. Lemy stood near the door waiting for the train to arrive at the station; it was already bad to be a walking show to pick money from strangers. Nope, that's not for Lemy I can't talk to people not blood-related to me Loud. Well, except for Lina… But Lina is special; she's like a damn unicorn, and Lemy was the luckiest boy in earth for finding her.

He still remembers the first time he and Lina met.

Lupa and Lemy walked side by side to Aunt Lucy's antique shop; Lupa's hands were in the pockets of her hoodie as always, and sometimes she leaned against Lemy, making him trip to the floor. A ten-years-old Lemy laughed as he tried to push her back, but she was bigger and heavier than him; he could barely move her just a couple of centimeters applying all his strength and, sometimes when he tried to push her back, she just dodged him, making him trip on the street.

Lupa always tried to keep her 'tough girl' mask, but a smile hid in the corner of her lips each time her brother tried to push her to the highway.

"Come on Lupa, stop pushing me!"

But Lupa continued to push the little boy again, and sometimes she would put her foot between his own just to make him fall.

"I ain't doing anything. Maybe if Lyra's boy wasn't too spoiled he would know how to walk properly. Take Lemy's hand at every moment." She mocked, imitating Lyra's voice.

"I know how to walk, and you don't need to take my hand, I can take care of myself." Lemy said with a pout.

Lupa had to make an effort to keep her face; Lemy was wearing a Metallica t-shirt, ripped jeans, and that stupid bandana in his forehead Chunk gave him. He looked cute.

Not so long he wore only what mommy Lyra bought for him, but after attending to one of Luna's concerts, Lemy fell in love with the Punk/Rock way of life, in an act of rebellion he began to wear old ripped clothes with profane and satanic stamps; he even stopped trimming his hair three months ago. Lupa didn't know what she enjoyed the most: the fact that Lemy was growing or that his 'new phase' made Lyra angry.

But after thinking about it for a while, she decided that she enjoyed more the fact that Lemy was growing; that meant that soon they would… play grown up games, because heck, it was getting hard not to 'touch' her little brother, and now even more with that rebel attitude he adopted.

Lemy spotted his big sister distracted and saw his opportunity to take revenge; he took impulse and pushed her with the shoulder… or at least he tried, because Lupa took advantage of those 'supernatural' abilities of hers Aunt Lucy likes to call 'spiritual powers', and dodged him, making Lemy fall on the pavement again.

Lupa finally smiled as she saw her little brother trying to hold his tears in an effort to look tough, but soon her smile faded when she put attention to him; he looked… so cute, she felt as something revolted in her belly.

Damn Lemy! Hurry up and grow!

And when the little goth was about to extend her hand to help him recover, she saw as someone approached the kid in the floor.

"Are you okay?"

Lemy cleaned the dust off his pants and saw a couple of scratches in the palms of his hands. Then he shook the hand of the kid that came to help him. Judging by the voice it was obvious a girl. He shook her hand and glanced at her; when his eyes locked with hers, time stopped. Something in his chest fluttered, like a calling inside him waiting for a response.

He had never seen that girl, but deep within he felt like he knew her; Lemy justified this to the fact that he was in front of the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Well, almost as beautiful as Lyra.

Her hair was so blonde it looked almost silver; those turquoise eyes shot an arrow to his heart. She asked something, but his mind didn't register.

Lemy looked at her for what it felt like an eternity. The girl laughed sweetly and lifted him off the ground.

"Are you okay?" she asked again. Oh, yeah, that's what she asked. It was funny; his hands hurt moments ago, but as soon as he looked her in the eyes, the pain disappeared. He wanted to answer, but suddenly a cold, strong hand grabbed his wrist and dragged him back.

"Get away from him." Lupa's calmed voice was now filled with ice and poison; her golden eyes shone bright and her snarling face showed her long, sharp canines.

Lina flinched. Maybe it was the look on her eyes or the heaviness of her presence, but this girl was scary.

Lupa grabbed his hand and stormed away from there. Lemy just recovered from the initial shock and fought her back.

"What was that Lupa? Why did you… ah, take your hand off me!" Lemy yelled, but it was useless. She was stronger.

"Lyra told me to take your hand at any moment and that's what I'm doing. Now come on, we must go with mom." Lupa tried to drag him, but he planted his feet firmly on the ground.

"Thanks for helping me… I'm Lemy, what's your name?" Of course, being ten years old, Lemy didn't trust anybody outside his family, but this girl provoked something inside him that made him trust her immediately. Lemy wanted to be near her, just like a moth to the light.

The silver-haired girl smiled, and ingoing Lupa she greeted the boy.

"I'm Lina, and I'm Lupa's friend; we got the same hair, the same age and we're in the same grade. Isn't that cool?"

Lemy suddenly was jealous of Lupa, because she had something in common with that beautiful angel. And maybe he would have said everything he was feeling out loud, but Lupa pulled him away suddenly.

"We're not friends! And I've told you thousands of times to stay away from me and my sisters! I don't know what you want and I don't care, but if you dare to hurt Lemy…" Lupa leaned towards the girl, grabbed her by the collar, pulled her closer and whispered in her ear "…I will kill you"

Lina paled, and flinched with fear.

Lemy felt a strong need to go and comfort her, but Lupa had enough of this already. Taking advantage of her strength, she dragged Lemy trough the sidewalk. Nobody would expect someone that thin to be so strong.

All Lemy could do was turn and wave her goodbye; they just met, but he started to miss her already.

Lina smiled at him, and waved back.

Lemy thought he would never see her again. It was like an implicit rule for people to run away from the Louds, but he was wrong, and he thanked god he was wrong. Lina found him the other day at recess and they began to talk, hiding from his sister who, for some reason, didn't want Lina to be with him, even when she was cool and kind. He didn't care though, because as long as he could be with Lina, it was worth the risk.

Lemy woke up as the train stopped. He and Lina walked out, side by side with their respective case on their shoulder.

"How much we made?" He asked.

"…three, four… and… four dollars and forty-five cents."

"We did good."

"Yeah, but not as good as the ten dollars we made in the last wagon." Lemy growled, and Lina punched him on the shoulder.

"Maybe if someone wasn't so obsessed with hard rock songs and focused on slow, calmed ones we could've done better."

"Oh, come on: Killing in the Name rules! You want me to play The Beatles? I thought we were playing for money, not putting people to sleep"

"Come on Lem, don't tell me the son of Luna I love everything about the UK Loud doesn't like The Beatles?

She got him.

"I'm not saying they're not good, but you have to admit they're too soft. I still can't understand how they had tons of girls after them."

"Calm down, champ; I'm sure once you become famous you'll have a lot of girls falling for you… In fact, when I was in middle school, you were very popular amongst the girls."

Well, she had a point. He'd-

Lemy stopped abruptly as his brain registered this new info.

He has never been popular, especially with the girls; they'd usually whisper mean thing about him and sometime they'd even tell him straight to the face what they thought. You'd be impressed how creative girls could be when he asked them the time. You want him to believe they thought he was cute? Ha, nice try.

The people walking out of the wagon pushed him and forced him to move forward. He eventually snapped out of his trance and reached Lina.

"What the hell are you talking about? Everyone on school hated me, especially the girls."

She smiled and laughed softly.

"Well, let me tell you that a lot of girls are into you; if they act otherwise, it is because of your fam…" Lina bit her lip just in time. Lemy really wanted to hear what she wanted to say, until he caught where this was going…

"I get it; it's because I'm a Loud." You heard well dude, looks like the girls in my school are falling for me, and the only reason they don't get close it's because I'm the son of a guy and his big sister. Thanks a lot dad.

No one dared to say a thing.

"Just ignore them Lemy, they all are just idiots whose parents filled their heads with bullshit, and the others are assholes without judgment that rather follow them than get to know people as interesting as you."

Lemy's heart flew from his chest to the sky and exploded into fireworks. You head that man? She always knows what to say; she always uses the correct words in the correct moment and she's always honest. That's one of the many things why I want her to be the mother of my children.

"And like I said, a lot of girls are crazy for you, and for what I've heard some guys too…" She teased. Well, maybe not all she says it what I need.

Would that be the reason why Idiot1 and his goons were always picking on him? Is the physical abuse a way to hide what they feel for Lemy?

He thought about it for a moment, and then an image came to his mind: those three idiots using t-shirts with his face in them and lifting love signs with hearts on them declaring their love and devotion for him. A rush of nausea hit him, and then he shook his head to whip away those horrible thoughts.

Let's keep things like they are now, please. Better be the reason of their anger than the reason their hearts flutter.

Her words meant to kill the silence, but instead they killed the mood instead. Now he would have to write another thing to the list of things he's paying for the sins of others.

"Well, fuck them then, I am what I am. And it's not my fault; if that's keeping them from getting to know me better, then I don't want to know them either."

Lina looked at him with admiration; it was not the first time he acted so mature and confident. Looks like hard life make boys brave and stronger, and she likes that a lot.

"Yeah, you're right; I don't see why that's a matter… I would like to have a family like yours…"

Lemy came to a crashing halt, and then he looked at Lina with a bitter mixture of anger and surprise. When Lina realized her mistake she quickly tried to fix it.

"Yes…no! I mean, I wouldn't like to have a family like yours, I mean, I would, but… how big it is and… It's not like I want your family, or be part of your family, or how your family is… I mean I don't see it wrong, I think it's… interesting… I mean…. I know it causes you problems… What I mean is… It's lonely to be just the two of us…" Lina said, sighing and looking down with shame. Lemy was definitely upset; the fact that this girl, whose life is perfectly normal, think there's something cool in being part of the Loud clan is stupid.

Not even the fact that she was the girl of his dreams was enough to calm him down… In fact, being Lina Sharp, the daughter of one of the most beautiful and coolest mothers in Royal Woods, someone who could spend the entire day in a music store meeting normal people that wouldn't judge her because of her name or her genes… made it worse.

Because, how the hell could she believe it's cool to live in a house where your sisters are your cousins and your father is your uncle at the same time? Of course, from the outside it sounds really fascinating and intriguing to be a guy with a harem of sisters who are crazily in love for you. Add to the mix a bunch of girls who are willing to follow their mothers' steps and fuck their only brother and there you have a recipe for disaster. Of course it sounds interesting, right? Because who wouldn't want to see a bunch of sex maniacs living a life driven by incest? Hell, there could be thousands of stories with that idea, millions of pornographic pictures and even a goddamn TV show.

Yeah, I can imagine how many neckbeards would like to be in the place of my father or mine… and of course I understand why Lina wants to get a closer approach… because who wouldn't want to get close to the cage of the venomous snakes; so dangerous, so exotic, so strange and disgusting… that's what we are for the rest of the people: a bunch of freaks that they can see and disturb whenever they want.

The fog of anger disappeared as her last words echoed inside his mind.

It's lonely to be just the two of us…

Then he remembered that, even when his father is an identified pervert, at least he's present in his life. She doesn't have the same luck; in her case it's her and Sam against the world.

He felt between the sword and the wall. Yes, he can forgive her, but this time he won't be so kind with Lina; she crossed the line, and like I said, I gotta stand my ground sometimes.

He was about to drop the bomb on her, but…

"Hey! You two, stop!" One of the guards called. The man was tall with a prominent belly and thick mustache.

"Hey kids, no street artists allowed!"

Lemy looked Lina, Lina looked Lemy and they both smile at the same time. Lemy, in a bold act took her hand and started to run as fast as he could, pushing and dodging people through the station; the guard is making an effort to keep up, but soon they lost sight of him.

The adrenaline pumping and the drumming on their chest felt funny; they decreased the speed, thinking the danger had passed, but suddenly another guard started chasing them.

The turnstiles were about 15 meters ahead; if they wanted to escape they had to hit the gas. This other guard was in better shape; he was getting closer to them, just a little bit more and he'd catch them…

In the last second, they split.

The girl let herself drop and slid under one of the turnstiles. Lemy smiled, it was his turn; he used the impulse and momentum to jump as high as he could, retracting his legs on the highest point for more height, and passed over the obstacles with ease.

On the other side of the line, Lina got up and this time it was her who took his hand; they looked at each other for a brief moment, the blushing on their faces was noticeable, and started to run.

Lina locked her hand with his.

"I'm here."

Lemy does the same.

"I know."

Lemy lay on the grass under a tree in the park. The day was nice; the air was cool and the sun was about to set. The orange color in the sky was beautiful.

Lina sat next to him eating fries; after escaping the guards and leaving the subway they went to McRonald's, which reduced their monetary fund for the festival, but hell, it was worth it; after the race they were really hungry.

Lemy finished his food practically in three bites, and Lina let him eat her fries at the end.

"Now, say ah…" She said.

"Ah…" and one piece get inside his mouth. Lemy suddenly loves Lina again; her anger for what she said earlier was gone, or at least delayed.

While Lemy ate, Lina sighed and looked at her surroundings; the entire park was full of couples just like them, sitting on the grass enjoying each other's company.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have say those things about your family… it's more than obvious that I didn't know what I was talking about."

Lemy sighed and finally opened his eyes; he saw as the sunlight that passed through the leaves hit her milk, white skin.

Fuck man, she's beautiful…

"No… it's not your fault. We're freaks, it's only normal for people to be interested in us…"

She glanced at him with guilt, and as an apology she put another piece in his mouth.

"It's not just that, I really think it is cool to have a family that big… you see… mom doesn't have anyone; my grandparents were the only ones and they passed away when I was five…"

"I'm sorry, I … really never met my grandparents… but I think it's for obvious reasons because, to be honest I don't know if they're still alive."

She looked at Lemy with intrigue, as if the boy was a colorful bird… or ugly.

"How are they? Your sisters, your aunts…your dad?"

Lemy grimaced at the sole mention of his father, but he knows that Lincoln Loud is who everyone want to know everything about; everyone want to know his secret, everyone want to have his powers to make every woman in the world to fall in love for him. His sisters included.

"Is he that bad?" Lina looks really interested, too much to be honest.

"No…"

The words came reluctantly from his lips, and for a moment an awkward silence fell upon them.

"And that's what makes him worse; he's a really nice guy, he works hard drawing comics, and the last thing I knew was that he will be given an opportunity to publish one of his original works… I don't know what the hell is about, but I always thought all that stuff about comics and videogames were too geek for my liking. And Lupa and Loan got that from him.

Lina listened to his words, carefully and excited.

"He also knows how to cook; in fact, he's the best cook in the house and always makes the dinner for everyone. I remember when I was little he used to play with everyone… In fact, he still wants to play with me occasionally… but I don't… not after… Lupa, Lacy and Leia, they…" Lemy sighs again. "They follow him a lot and…"

Lina shudders.

"Has… has he ever done something to them…?"

Lemy didn't respond immediately. He thought carefully his words.

"I don't know… I've never seen them doing anything but… they are always sneaking into this study so… I don't know, and honestly I don't think I want to know."

Lina remains silent, trying to assimilate Lemy's words.

"Do you hate him?"

Lemy takes a while to answer; he's lost in his thoughts.

"Yeah, I hate him for what he's done to us; for everything we've been through because of him … But at the same time I know he didn't do it on purpose and I know he love us… that's why I love him. And it makes it a thousand times worse."

She looked at the sky.

"Love and hate, I understand you."

Lemy doubts she really understands what is like to be in his position but decided let it pass; a bit of support is good sometimes.

Lina looked him in the eyes, staring into the deepest part of his soul. She smiled, liking what she saw and put her hand over his.

"Thanks for telling me… I know it must be hard."

Lemy closed his eyes and sighed; how can that girl bend him that easily?

"I trust you" Lemy says, squeezing her hand.

"I know." Lina answers.

I know

Tom Odell.