Kaira and Eliot woke up in their bed. They just smiled at each other and kissed. Surprisingly, being a couple was natural for them. Kaira flashed back to the night of passion she had with Eliot. The way they just seemed to fit together like a puzzle felt really amazing for Kaira.
"You know, last night was definitely the best night I've ever had." Kaira said, smiling.
"I'm glad. Just saying, if you want to go round two..." Eliot said before Kaira jokingly hit him and they both laughed. "What!" Eliot exclaimed, chuckling.
"You're a bad influence, Eliot Spencer." Kaira joked.
"At least it was fun last night." Eliot smiled.
"Yes it was. Better than I could've imagined." Kaira smiled at Eliot.
"Really? You imagined us in bed together?" Eliot questioned.
Kaira got a look on her face. "Maybe." Kaira said a shit-eating grin on her face.
"Kaira Newton." Eliot said, sternly.
"Okay, yes I have. I mean, how can I not? You're so handsome!" Kaira defended herself.
"Oh am I?" Eliot said.
"Hell yeah." Kaira said.
She sat up and began to position herself on top of Eliot. "I love you, cowboy." Kaira said, inching to Eliot's face.
"I love you too, princess." Eliot said.
They kissed again. They let go and Kaira laid back beside Eliot.
"Kaira Spencer. I like it." Eliot blurred out.
"What? Not getting any ideas are you, cowboy?" Kaira smiled.
"Of course not." Eliot had a smirk on his face.
"Someday cowboy. Let's just see how this goes, then we'll talk." Kaira said with a smile on her face.
"Deal." Eliot said.
"Deal." Kaira said.
They kissed. Kaira let go and got up. "We should probably head to the office. Nate's driving us to Sophie's play." Kaira said.
Eliot groaned. "Do we have to go? I mean, I could call and say we have other plans and can't go." Eliot said, not wanting to go.
"Eliot, Sophie is our friend. Friends support each other." Kaira argued.
"Fine. I'll get changed." Eliot said.
They got changed and met up to get lunch before Sophie's play. They had a good time, and went to watch the show. Sophie didn't do that good.
They met back up at the office the next day and scattered. Eliot ran into the kitchen where Kaira and Hardison grabbed a drink. Kaira took some aspirin for the headache she had from getting drunk with Eliot after the show.
"Hey. Sophie's here. Man, what do I tell her?" Eliot asked in a rush.
"Anything but the truth." Hardison said.
"Hey." Sophie said, coming in the room.
"Hey!" Eliot said, chuckling looking for a way out of the situation.
"Thank you so much for coming to my play last night." Sophie said, happy.
"No problem Sophie." Kaira smiled, also trying to get out of the conversation.
"Last night was awesome." Parker said from the adjacent room.
Sophie gasped. "Thanks Parker." Sophie said.
"Yeah, it was like a horror movie. Attention must be paid!" Parker said, unaware.
Kaira gave her a look of death. Sophie turned back around and Kaira looked at Sophie sympathetically.
"Oh." Sophie breathed, upset.
"Yeah, I mean, you're not the first person I would think of to play Willy Loman, but you - worked it out." Hardison said, hoping to cheer Sophie up, sipping his coffee.
"Yeah." Eliot said.
"Oh!" Sophie exclaimed, leaving excitedly.
"Uh, Sophie do you mind if I give you a tip about stage acting?" Kaira offered.
"Sure." Sophie said.
They left and went into another room for privacy.
"Okay, listen, Sophie, I think you would benefit from learning how to deal with stage fright." Kaira explained.
"What?" Sophie questioned.
"Next time you perform on stage or on camera, think of something that will trigger your adrenaline. Maybe imagine your selling the crowd a story, cause that's what you're doing, you're selling a story. It's no different than selling a mark a story to get what you want." Kaira explained.
"How do you know about acting?" Sophie questioned.
"I acted as a kid. I used to listen to music before every performance to keep my heart rate down and jumped up and down to trigger the adrenaline. Combats every instinct your body has to run. Cause stage fright is nothing more than an anxiety attack caused by your body's flight or fight response. You override that with adrenaline, you can do anything." Kaira said.
"Thanks Kaira. I'll keep that in mind." Sophie said, walking out.
Kaira followed and went back to meet up with Eliot and Hardison.
"What did you tell her?" Eliot asked.
"Oh, just a basic acting tip. Override stage fright with adrenaline." Kaira said.
"I didn't know you knew how to act." Hardison said.
"Yeah. Long time ago, but I still got the tricks up my sleeve." Kaira said, exiting to meet with Nate.
Nate saw Sophie come in and put his coffee down and started clapping. Kaira walked in.
"Mm! How great were you? I mean they got to call it, uh Death of a Saleswoman. What a great commentary on the glass ceiling for corporate women in America." Nate said as the team went to sit down at the table.
"Nate, I - I played the part as a man." Sophie stated.
Kaira had an "Oh shit" face as she looked away.
"Yes. And brilliantly." Nate said, trying to recover.
Sophie chuckled, sitting down.
"Thanks." Sophie said.
"Yeah, I mean you were - huh?" Nate said, looking at the team.
Then Nate's phone rang. Sophie chuckled.
"Hold on. I have to, uh... Oh. Hi, Maggie?" Nate said, getting up to leave.
"Who's Maggie?" Parker asked.
"Nate's ex-wife." Sophie said.
"Oh shit." Kaira exclaimed, quietly.
The team watched as Nate left.
"I hope everything's okay." Kaira said, silently praying.
The team sat and waited for Nate to call them. He did and told them to meet him at the church, filling them in on what happened to his friend, Father Paul.
The team drove to the church as Hardison got to work with getting information about the church. They sat down at the pews.
"That's St. Nicholas?" Parker asked, looking at the statue ahead of them.
"Yeah." Hardison confirmed.
"Santa Claus has a church?" Parker questioned.
"He's not Santa Claus." Eliot said.
Then Nate appeared ahead of the team. "I know this is not our usual kind of case. I reali — but before you say anything, Paul is an old friend of mine, and he has helped the poor parishes -" Nate ranted.
"Nate." Sophie tried to stop him.
"More than you could ever-." Nate continued before getting cut off again.
"Nathan, we're taking the job." Kaira said.
"Oh." Nate breathed, surprised.
"Yeah." Parker confirmed.
"Great. Good. Oh. Alright. Well, uh, this is obviously a strong arm maneuver that's happened here - get rid of the activist priest and the sale closes on Monday. Do we know anything about who bought the church?" Nate said, surprised still.
"The sign outside said it was sold to Cannity Corp. Now, Cannity Corp is a wholly-owned subsidiary of STB International, which is the parent company of Akai Diversified, which is the U.S. subsidiary of Cannity Corp." Hardison explained, holding up each companies sign.
"That is a lot of trouble to go to for buying an old church." Sophie said.
"Yeah so, Cannity Corp - that's obviously the front. Parker check all of the addresses for the reality companies. Eliot, Hardison, Kaira - find the local talent that attacked Paul. Um, he messed up one of their shoulders, if that helps. So..." Nate ordered as Parker left.
"Mnm-mnh, mnh-mnh. I don't do gangs." Hardison objected.
Kaira all but had to push Hardison out the door.
"Get you out in some fresh air. Get off the computer." Eliot said, leaving.
"I rappel. Did no one see me rappel?" Hardison questioned.
"Just move your ass before I end up knocking you on your ass, Hardison." Kaira warned. Hardison started walking.
Eliot drove them to a local tunnel and started walking. "You think that we're just gonna walk into some random tunnel and find some cholos just all yoked up?" Hardison complained.
"Yeah because they're right behind us, so shut the hell up." Kaira warned, whispering.
"You know?" Hardison continued.
"Hardison-" Eliot warned.
"Yo, homes, let me fix-" Hardison continued.
"Hardison shut up!" Kaira exclaimed quietly.
Kaira turned around and so did Eliot and Hardison.
"Boys. We don't want any trouble. Alright? We just want some answers." Eliot said, trying to be civil.
"How's this answer?" Thug number one said, revealing a gun.
"Really? Eliot, you know what to do." Kaira said.
Eliot grabbed the gun still in the dude's pants and cocked it.
"Gentlemen, we just want to know which one of your colleagues rolled a priest." Kaira said, showing she was the boss at the moment.
Thug two pulled out a gun and pointed it at Eliot.
"Hey man, why don't you shut your bitch up and leave." Thug two said.
Eliot gave him a deadly look.
"That was your first mistake. See my boyfriend's really protective. You give us want we want, and I'll make sure you don't get the shit knocked out of you." Kaira warned.
The guys weren't giving any answers.
"You seeing this, Hardison?" Eliot asked, not breaking eye contact with thug two.
"The situation has my attention, yes." Hardison said, worried.
Kaira made her way over to thug two.
"You see, that's why I don't like guns. They have a specific range of efficacy. See most guys make one mistake. You know what it is, princess?" Eliot said, smiling.
"They get too close." Kaira said, smirking.
Eliot disarmed thug two by headbutting him, ejected the magazine, threw the gun to the side and recocked the gun on thug one.
"Answer the lady's question. Who rolled... a priest?" Eliot repeated, threatening glare on the thugs.
Thug three shrugged his shoulders. Hardison looked at him.
"We didn't beat up no priest. We're not monsters." Thug three said.
Hardison popped him in the shoulder. The thug went down.
"Dislocated shoulder's a bitch." Hardison said.
"Fun fact. The priest who was beaten up says he popped his attacker in the shoulder." Kaira said.
The other two thugs looked at the thug on the ground.
"You beat up a priest?" Thug one questioned.
"Do you mind?" Thug one asked Eliot.
"Be my guest." Eliot said, handing the weapon back to the thug.
The thug pointed the gun at the downed thug.
"You got a long penance ahead of you. Start by answering their questions." Thug one told thug three. "Now!" He yelled.
"Who hired you?" Eliot asked.
"I don't know. I got a call on my cell with an offer, and I called him back after the job was done. He paid me. That's all I know. I swear." Thug three claimed.
"You got a number?" Hardison asked.
The downed thug handed him a slip of paper.
"Can you do something with that?" Kaira asked.
"Seven digits. I can find you on Mars." Hardison said.
"Gentlemen, we will leave you to your internal affairs. Thank you." Kaira said, walking away with Hardison and Eliot.
"How 'bout that? Man, you - you see me?" Hardison exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"He was injured." Eliot said.
"Well, somebody got to fight the injured. Shoot, that's my niche." Hardison said.
Kaira just chuckled.
They went back to the office and Hardison ran a trace on the number. The team came in for the briefing. Eliot and Kaira were basically on each other, sitting on the couch.
"When I ran a backtrace on the gangbanger's call, it routed through this dude's number from a payphone." Hardison said.
"So we got nothing." Eliot said.
"Hang on, cowboy. Hardison, where is the payphone?" Kaira asked.
"The residences at eighth. Luxury condos brought to you by Andrew Grant." Hardison explained.
Yeah, I know this guy. He built the Meadow Mall on the west side - you know the one with the monorail." Sophie said.
"Now, this guy doesn't happen to own any of the shell companies that brought the church, does he?" Nate questioned.
"Well, I-I can't prove that, but - let's just put it this way - those shell companies have their daddy's lyin' eyes." Hardison said.
"All right, what do we know about this Grant guy?" Eliot asked.
"Well the man's a media whore. He went through like nine publicists last year alone. He's, uh, cutting the ribbon on this place tomorrow. Also, Grant survived a helicopter crash last year. Checked out his pharmacy account. The man pops anti-anxiety pills like pez." Hardison explained.
Nate stood up and went to the screens.
"Well... publicists are like priests. You got to tell them all your secrets." Nate said.
"And I bet Grant has a bunch of 'em if he had a priest beaten up." Kaira said.
"So that's our way in. The question is, how?" Nate explained.
"What are you thinking?" Sophie asked.
"If this guy beat up a priest... we're not going easy on him." Nate said.
"Of course. Like the Boondock Saints." Kaira smiled.
Some of the team didn't get it.
"Seriously, you've never heard of Boondock Saints?" Kaira questioned.
The team members who didn't shook their heads no.
"Alright, movie night, we're watching The Boondock Saints." Kaira said, shocked. It was silent for a moment.
"Okay are you guys gonna ignore the fact that when we met the gang people, Kaira called Eliot her boyfriend?" Hardison questioned.
Kaira got wide eyes as Eliot stumbled.
"Wait, are you two dating?" Nate asked.
Kaira and Eliot looked at each other, confirming their new relationship.
"Since when?" Hardison questioned.
"Since the horse job." Kaira said, embarrassed a bit.
"Wow." Hardison said, backing off.
"There's nothing wrong with it." Eliot said.
"Finally. I was wondering if you two would get together." Sophie said.
"What makes you say that?" Kaira asked.
"You two were all lovey-dovey when we met. I figured it was only a matter of time." Sophie said.
"Okay. I'm glad you two figured things out, but we need to plan how to get Grant." Nate said, bringing everyone back together.
They made a plan and left.
They went to the under-construction building Grant was at. Kaira, Eliot, Hardison, and Parker were construction workers. Nate was on lookout, and Sophie was a reporter who was to be set up as Grant's new publicist. Sophie talked to Grant, getting him to move towards Eliot.
"Willy Wonka's here." Sophie reported.
"Good. His ride's almost here." Eliot said, moving a wheelbarrow next to Hardison, who looked like he was rigging electricity.
"Okay... showtime." Eliot said.
Parker and Kaira lifted up a piece of wood and knocked into Grant, pretending it was an accident. Parker and Kaira apologized profusely and Parker switched out his medicine with another bottle.
"I'm sorry, I had too much tequila last night with my boyfriend." Kaira said as her excuse.
He called Kaira baby, which raised an alarm with Eliot. Kaira could sense it. Then Eliot rammed into Grant's assistant, Tomas, with the wheelbarrow, throwing him to the side.
"I'm sorry, man. I apologize about that." Eliot said.
"What the hell are you doing?" Tomas questioned Eliot.
"I had a lot of tequila last night with my girl. I'm sorry." Eliot said.
"Watch your focus, Cuervo. All right?" Tomas said, upset. Eliot apologized, wiping the dirt off Tomas's suit.
Eliot finished with Tomas and Hardison got to work with the elevator.
"What is that you just took?" Sophie asked Grant.
"Xanax. For my nerves." Grant said.
"Actually caffeine. With a dash of dextroamphetamine." Parker said.
"You gave him speed?" Eliot questioned, coming alongside the group.
"He beat up a priest." Hardison said, defending Parker.
"Fair point." Kaira said.
Sophie let him cook for a while before helping him get out of the elevator without embarrassing himself and gave her the interview.
"Wait how did you come up with the tequila excuse? We didn't discuss that." Parker mentioned.
"Because Eliot and I had a lot of tequila last night. Margaritas." Kaira said.
"Anything else happen?" Hardison questioned.
"Maybe." Kaira said, with a smirk on her face looking at Eliot.
"Well, what?" Hardison questioned.
"Let's just say the evidence is under the bed." Eliot said with a smirk on his face.
"Ah hell nah. Why did you say that, man?" Hardison asked, disgusted.
"You asked, Hardison." Kaira said.
They met back at the office after Sophie got her interview, where Grant hired her as his publicist.
"He's building another mall on the site of the church." Parker said.
"It's not even a mall. It's a bloody lifestyle center. Eat, work, shop, play all in one place." Sophie said.
"I don't like this guy. I hate him." Eliot said.
"Please don't kill him, Eliot." Kaira said. Eliot scoffed at her.
"He doesn't want the closing of the church connected to him. I'll bet he got the city council in his pocket and the got the land for a song. Once this deal closes, he's free and clear. By the time they break ground on this mall, he'll be untouchable." Hardison said.
"That explains why he knew Father Paul was heading to the city council. Assholes probably warned him." Kaira said.
"Forget St. Nick. We'd be better off with the patron saint of lost causes." Sophie groaned.
"No, no, no. He trusts you. You can hook him." Nate said.
"Yeah, I know I can, Nate, but there's no time. I mean, we need a long con for this job. Right? In three days he owns that church." Sophie pointed out.
"We need to do something that'll delay construction on the mall so Sophie can pull him in for the long con." Kaira said.
"You really think he's gonna fall for that?" Eliot questioned.
"This guy? I got to be honest with you - we're gonna need a miracle to save this church." Eliot said.
Kaira could tell Nate had an idea.
"So let's, uh, go steal ourselves a miracle." Nate said.
"Oh jeez, Nathan. Of course. Let's fake a miracle." Kaira retorted.
The team looked at her weirdly and followed Nate.
"The catholic church defines a miracle as the work of God, usually through the prayers and intercessions of a saint, for some specific purpose, frequently the conversion of the unbelieving." Nate explained.
"How do you know all this stuff?" Eliot asked.
"I went to school with Father Paul. To uh... seminary school." Nate explained.
Kaira got wide eyed.
"So you dropped out of priest school to become a - insurance cop? And now you're the leader of a band of thieves. Nice." Eliot chuckled at the thought.
"You're a catholic who wants to fake a miracle. I'm pretty sure that puts us in mortal-sin territory." Hardison said, uncomfortable with the idea.
"So now you're religious too?" Eliot questioned.
"No, I'm not denominational. It's just, I never do anything my nana said don't do. This, what we doin' it - it just don't seen right." Hardison said.
"What doesn't seem right? Let me get this straight. We're trying to save a church, right? So, faking a miracle, to me, seems like the quickest way to do that." Nate argued.
"Even Andrew Grant's not gonna build a mall on a holy site." Sophie said.
"No, he'll just build around it." Kaira retorted.
"Right, so we need three things. We need a miracle, we need publicity, and we need to keep Father Paul out of the way. He can't be involved in this at all." Nate said.
"Reporters follow Grant around in packs. Let's - let's use him as bait." Sophie suggested.
"Use his own publicity to wreck his project." Parker said.
"I like it." Kaira said. Nate stood up.
"Okay, Parker, we need you to go to the hospital and keep Father Paul there no matter what - up to a point. But keep him in the hospital. Eliot, Kaira, you're the retrieval specialists. Give Hardison anything he needs." Nate ordered.
"As long as I don't have to do anything immoral." Hardison said.
"Ah, absolutely not. No. I just need you to figure out, you know, how to fake a miracle." Nate said.
"We all going to Hell." Hardison said.
"Not like we're heading there anyway." Kaira retorted.
"So now are you religious too?" Eliot questioned.
"No. Well, I do believe in Murphy's Law and Karma. I also believe in Dante's version of what Hell looks like." Kaira explained straight-faced.
"What? Woman, you're just making stuff up now." Hardison said.
"No. Murphy's Law states that if you do something to prepare for an outcome, the outcome won't happen. Karma is well, karma. And Dante's Inferno was from a story the poet Dante made about a character's journey through the nine circles of Hell. Each circle representing different sins of people and their punishments. Probably shouldn't read it, Hardison." Kaira explained.
The team looked at her weird.
"I read it in high school for an assignment." Kaira explained, defending herself.
"You're weird." Eliot said.
"You're the one dating me." Kaira smiled.
Eliot did too. The team was off to get ready.
Sophie leaked something to the press and went to Grants to fix it and convince him to make the announcement at the church.
Hardison went to build a fake statue to fake a miracle. Eliot, Nate, and Kaira looked at Hardison's work.
"Behold! I have made the statues multiply." Hardison said.
Ahead of him were multiple statues and plastic sheets everywhere.
"Well, I got to say, it looks pretty good, Hardison. I mean - yeah. It's, uh..." Nate was saying as he pushed a statue.
"Polystyrene?" Nate questioned.
Eliot pushed it as well.
"Amongst other things. Don't eat it. Or breathe near it." Hardison said.
They all backed up.
"Show us the miracle, Hardison." Kaira ordered.
Hardison got his remote ready.
"Test subject number one." Hardison said.
He clicked his remote and fake blood came out from the ears.
"Yeah, no, yeah, I said bleeding tears, not - not bleeding ears." Nate said, unamused.
"Look, look, look, man. You're lucky on this deadline I didn't give you a baking soda volcano." Hardison said.
"This - this is - okay, what else you got?" Nate asked.
"Looks ridiculous." Eliot retorted.
Hardison then pulled out a paintball gun and shook his head yes. Kaira shook her head no.
"Stigmata paintball gun." Hardison said.
"Wha-no, no, no, no. No." Nate said, unamused.
"Yeah. Now - how does that work?" Eliot asked.
"I've been practicing. Check me out." Hardison said.
He put the barrel of the gun on his arm as a rest and shot.
The paintball hit the glass ahead of them just as Parker walked by. Nate and Kaira had disappointed faces. Parker kept walking.
"Okay, Hardison, could you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head?" Nate questioned.
"Don't melt Santa!" Parker said, pointing a finger at them.
"He's not Santa!" Eliot, Hardison, and Kaira all exclaimed.
"What are you, ten feet from there? How can you miss that?" Eliot questioned.
Kaira knew where this was going.
"Everybody can't be Eliot." Hardison argued.
"Unbelievable." Eliot said.
Kaira grabbed the gun and fired two paintballs on the farthest statue. The boy's jaws were open.
"That's how you do it." Kaira said, walking away.
"Damn, princess. I got to be careful not to make you angry." Eliot said, nervous.
"Yeah. You should." Kaira turned back around.
Later on, Kaira overheard a conversation between Nate and Sophie. Basically, Nate admitted that he felt guilty about his son Sam's death and for being tempted to cheat on his ex-wife with Sophie, which is what made it fun between them. Kaira left wishing she hadn't heard the conversation.
The next day, Kaira blended in with the reporters and crowd as Grant made his announcement.
"A lifestyle center to revitalize the life of this neighborhood. A pulsing heart of opportunity and commerce in the center of the community." Grant said before a redhead upbeat lady ran out.
"Everybody, come quick! You have to see this! It's a miracle!" She said.
Everyone went in and side conversations happened at the bleeding eyed statue. Kaira went out the side to meet with the gang.
"Not too bad." Parker complimented.
Kaira and Eliot walked hand and hand.
"It was nothing, really. Just some basic chemistry. An oil polymer that reacts with a secondary chemical in the candles. No candle smoke, absolutely no evidence. Light a candle." Hardison explained the science behind the statue.
"Nice." Kaira complimented.
"Local news will pick up the event, Grant will crawl back into his hole for a while, and, well at least for the time being, it will stay open to the public." Nate said.
Kaira was concerned about the number of people there. Nate noticed too.
"Is it just me, or are there way too many people here?" Kaira questioned, worried.
"I'm very good." Hardison said.
"Yeah. Maybe too good. Damn." Kaira said.
Sophie joined them.
"What did we just do?" Sophie questioned.
"We faked a miracle and now I'm pretty sure we're all going to the eighth circle of Hell." Kaira whispered.
"What's the eighth circle?" Hardison asked.
"It's for thieves and liars. You get tortured by demons." Kaira explained.
"What's the ninth circle?" Hardison asked.
"It's for people who betrayed others. There are four levels. Each level is deeper into ice, depending on who you screw over. There's kin, country, religion, and community. It's where the worst of the worse are. You get holed up with Lucifer himself." Kaira explained.
The team looked at her worried and watched the crowd. They went back in to check the crowd inside and walked back out.
"The weeping statue of St. Nick is on YouTube." Hardison said.
"Good. This church will never shut down." Eliot said, hand in hand with Kaira.
"There's just so many people here. I mean, what if they find out it's a... fake?" Sophie said, quietly.
"Hellfire, Damnation, et cetera. You know what? I'm gonna step over here, so when the good Lord throws down on all of y'all, I don't get hit by the lightning." Hardison said, moving away from the group.
Kaira groaned. "Hardison, that's the Greek God, Zeus. If it was God, he would've sent an angel, probably with a trench coat, to do the dirty work." Kaira explained.
The team looked at her. "Guy, guys, this is still a big win. Sophie, uh, find out where Grant is, and make sure he's -" Nate was saying before Father Paul went in front of him.
"What did you do?" Father Paul asked. Nate took him aside.
"Uh, what - what do you mean?" Nate questioned, acting innocent.
They went in the church. The rest stayed outside. The gang was on crowd control and Nate and Sophie dealt the final blow. Or so they thought.
The next day, Sophie told the team.
"Bibletopia?" Hardison questioned.
"The man cannot be stopped!" Sophie exclaimed, worried.
"It's like everything we throw at him makes him stronger." Parker said.
"Kind of admire him, though. My nephew would like Bibletopia." Eliot said.
Kaira looked at him. "We've know each other for four years now, and you just now told me you have a nephew?" Kaira said.
"Oh, no, see? This is what happens when you mess with God. He raises up your enemies with his right hand, and he smites you with his left." Hardison said.
"No, no, no, we can use this. Just give me a second to - I just need -" Nate was saying before a couple of vans pulled up and people got out in black dress.
"Apostolic Visitation." Nate said.
"Come again?" Hardison asked.
"It's the Vatican." Nate explained.
"Shit. We're definitely going to Hell now." Kaira said, not happy.
The team went inside and blended in as Nate explained what Apostolic visitation was. Nate and Sophie dealt with Grant and Paul. Hardison and Kaira saw Tomas go to confession.
They hid until the last of the Vatican people left, they exited the closet they were in.
"As soon as that van full of Vatican CSI equipment gets here, we're screwed." Hardison said.
"That's what I was trying to say, but you guys wouldn't let me talk while we were all in the closet!" Parker said, getting quiet at the end of her sentence.
"If we leave it here, they're gonna find out the statue isn't really crying and blame Father Paul for fraud." Sophie said.
"Sophie, if we steal the statue, he's gonna get blamed for covering up a fraud." Eliot said.
Kaira thought a moment. Nate started laughing.
"This ain't funny. As soon as they run a scanner or a pH stick over that statue, they're going to see those aren't real tears." Hardison explained.
"You're right. It's only a matter of time. You know, Father Paul - he can't help but to tell the truth. He's gonna flip on us." Nate said.
"I hope this is the part where you suggest prayer." Hardison said.
"No, the Weeping Statue of St. Nicholas is not gonna be stolen. It's gonna miraculously disappear in the middle of tomorrow's mass." Nate said.
"I'm sorry?" Sophie questioned how serious Nate was.
"In front of the priest, the Vatican, the entire congregation." Nate whispered.
"Have you learnt nothing, Nate?" Sophie asked.
"How much does the statue weigh?" Nate asked.
"About 900 pounds." Hardison answered.
"Good." Nate said before walking away.
"I am so sorry, nana." Hardison said, looking up.
"I think I know what Nate's plan is. We switch out the real statue with the fake statue and someone will simply take it during the mass. We put the fake statue in a van registered to Grant. Tomas, Grant's assistant, will hopefully confess to the public and in front of news stations that Grant is a bastard son of a bitch and that he sent thugs to beat up Paul and bribed the council to get the land." Kaira explained.
The gang went along with the plan.
As Nate and Sophie watched the mass, Hardison, Eliot, and Kaira got Parker to grab the statue. They went inside once the statue was hidden and Paul ran outside.
"There is no miracle. Somebody stole the statue! And I know who it is!" Paul exclaimed, opening the back of the van.
Hardison came out the passenger side with the registration.
"Andrew Grant." Hardison revealed.
"Hey, he's the guy who bought the church!" Eliot exclaimed.
The crowd started talking.
"That's not my van!" Grant exclaimed.
"What kind of monster fakes a miracle for a profit? You sicken me." Hardison said, getting the crowd wound up.
"You're gonna burn in Hell for that, Grant!" Kaira yelled.
Someone yelled that Grant was a thief.
"That priest is desperate. He hid the statue in the van. He forged the registration papers to frame me!" Grant exclaimed, defending himself.
"We don't believe ya!" Eliot yelled.
"Look, look, look. Right here, see? My assistant - he was with me the whole time." Grant said, bringing out Tomas.
Tomas had his head down.
"Okay? Now, look. We bought this property - We're gonna fix up the neighborhood. Right?" Grant said, hoping Tomas would corroborate the story.
"No." Tomas said.
"No?" Grant questioned.
"No! He got the land under this church the same way he got the rest of the neighborhood, the same way he gets all of his properties - by bribery, intimidation, and violence! Andrew Grant... sent a bunch of thugs to beat up Father Paul!" Tomas exclaimed, becoming more confident.
Kaira was kinda proud. Then the cops came and put the cuffs on Grant.
"Cops got here fast." Parker noticed.
"It's almost as if an investigative journalist called in a tip." Kaira said in her comm.
"Kristi, save me, huh? You can spin this, right? Instead of, uh, felony, maybe soften it to, um, controversy or something." Grant said as Sophie came down the stairs.
"You know, when you say controversy, I always hear attention." Sophie said.
Grant realized he had been played.
After everyone left, Kaira waited for Nate and Paul to be done talking and she went up to him.
"Excuse me, Father Paul?" Kaira said, getting his attention.
"You're one of Nate's friends." Father Paul realized.
"Yeah. Can we go to confession?" Kaira asked.
"Of course." Father Paul said.
They went in the confessional booth. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure how this works." Kaira said, nervous.
"It's okay. I'll guide you through it. Bless me father for I have sinned. This is my first confession. Repeat that." Father Paul said.
"Okay. Bless me father for I have sinned. This is my first confession." Kaira said.
"I have committed a string of selfish and hurtful acts father." Father Paul said.
"I have committed a string of selfish and hurtful acts father." Kaira said.
"What would you like to confess?" Father Paul asked.
"Um, I mostly have questions. See, Father Paul, I am not a religious person really. I've hurt people for my country and my own greed. If I help people, am I forgiven?" Kaira said, nervous.
"Yes. God does forgive. He may judge you on what you did, but when he sees the good you do, he'll grant you a pass into Paradise." Father Paul said.
"Are you sure Father Paul? I mean, I steal from bad people and give it to the people who are hurt by the bad guys. Am I still forgiven?" Kaira asked.
"Yeah. I'm sure. You know, Nate had it hard for a while. Lost his kid, his wife, his job. He started drinking and I haven't seen him since his son's funeral. He seems better. Thanks for keeping him safe." Father Paul said.
"Actually it was more like Nate helped me. I mean, when we did our first job it was this airplane designer who hired us to steal his designs from his rival. Turns out, the designs weren't his, they were his rivals. Then the bastard tried to kill us. I may be a thief, Father Paul, but I have a set of rules I play by. Never kill anyone unless it's me or them, never take a job that has me hurting a kid, and don't use anyone's kid against them whether their dead or alive. The guy who hired us used Nate's son to get him to do the job. I wanted to kill the guy. But instead, Nate pulled me back and we put him in jail instead. Then it became this rush, stealing from bad guys. We helped a Corporal in the Army get money for his rehab by stealing money from the defense contractor that refused to pay for his treatment and who shot him up. It felt good, seeing the smiles of everyone at the rehab center. Is it bad I feel good about helping someone, even though I steal from the bad guys?" Kaira said.
"No. Because in your eyes, the good intentions canceled out the bad thing you did." Father Paul said.
"Thank you, Father Paul. I just have one more question." Kaira said.
"What is it?" Father Paul asked.
"Am I forgiven?" Kaira asked.
"Yes." Father Paul said.
Kaira composed herself.
"Thank you." Kaira said.
"You're welcome." Father Paul said.
They exited the booth.
"You know, I never believed in miracles until today. I mean, six thieves saved my church." Father Paul said, walking with Kaira.
"Guess that means you're blessed." Kaira smiled.
They hugged and Kaira thanked him again. She composed herself again and walked over to the gang in the pews as Nate lit a candle for his son.
"You okay, Kaira?" Eliot asked.
"You're here, aren't you?" Kaira said, smiling.
"Always." Eliot said, smiling.
After Nate was done, the gang walked over to the real statue in its rightful place.
"Looked at that. Saved a church." Hardison said.
"It's like Christmas. See? I told you St. Nicholas is Santa Claus." Parker said.
"No, he's not Parker." Sophie said.
"Well, who is he, then?" Parker asked.
"St. Nicholas is the patron saint of thieves." Kaira said.
"How do you know that?" Nate asked.
"I read a lot about various subjects when I became a thief. Figured they might come in handy." Kaira said, smiling.
The team left. Kaira looked up.
"Thanks for the extra protection, St. Nicholas." Kaira whispered.
The team left and went home for the night and waited for the next job.