Chapter#1

Ciara stood in front of the mirror almost mesmerized as she looked at herself in its full length. The black see through nighty was making her very uneasy. It had been a longtime since she and Ben had made love to each other and it would be the first time he would be seeing her fully naked body since it's changes. The nighty was just a light cover over her form but still it was cover for the drastic changes that had occurred over the ravages of the last months.

"Something sexy, extra special for Ben later." Claire cooed.

Her niece's words continued to burn in her ear as she remembered the day of her shower when she first received the gift.

Ciara continued to look at herself in the supposedly sexy, extra special gift and was burning with anger, to the point she exclaimed, "That bitch!"

Her eyes started to fill with tears, "I can't let Ben see me wearing this. I just can't!"

Ben stared at his face in the mirror of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Some might say the lines on his face were making him look distinguished and adding true grit and character to his already chiseled looks, but in his mind it was only a kind way of saying he was getting older. And eventually really looking it. It never escaped him that someday he'd start to look like Clyde and the thought of that shook him. His father wasn't a homely man and his friends used to say his premature greying was a badge of hard work. However, Ben felt he would be making that excuse to himself should that occur and it wouldn't wash with him. It would be just another constant reminder to him that he was older than Ciara.

He never doubted her love for him but he could never let stray far behind his curiosity as to what made her fall in love with him.

Combing his hair again which felt as if it were the hundredth time, he was ready to leave the bathroom and join her in their bedroom. It had been a long time since he was able to hold her tightly in his arms and feel her body completely against him. He took a moment, then let out a lose breathe and prepared himself mentally. Not too rushed he scolded himself and he demanded his excitement find a way to contain itself, but how could it. After such a wait that felt like eternity he was ready to make love to his wife again.

Ciara dried her tears and hurried to try and grab her long flannel nightgown from the foot of the bed. She hoped desperately to get the taunting reminder of the see through night gown off before Ben came to bed. Her plan would be once she slipped into her comfortable faithful soft nightgown, she would hop into bed and pretend to be already asleep before Ben arrived.

She had one hand on the nightgown but her dutiful right hand was met by Ben's warm left.

"What are you doing? I thought we were going to have our special date night?" Ben was confused and slightly saddened.

Ciara didn't know what to say. She didn't want to reveal her secret misgivings and insecurities about herself but seeing the broken look on Ben's face, she couldn't let him believe or feel she was rejecting him.

"Ciara what's wrong?" Ben tried to be cautious. He didn't want her to think that all he was interested in was sex. He could see she was hurting mentally and he wasn't going to let her go through with what was disturbing her alone, "Babe, please tell me."

She sucked in her inner suffering hard, "You may think this is silly or foolish but…but…I don't want you to see me like this?"

Ben was bewildered and couldn't understand, "See you like what?"

"Do I have to say out loud? Stretched out. I have a gut now. My breasts are sagging." Ciara then looked at him with a fury in her eyes, "There is another part of me which you seem to love so much that is completely ripped apart."

Ben was now flabbergasted but his next words had to be careful. He wasn't sure how to respond. Marlena had explained to him that there would be times Ciara would become tired and hormonal and there would be times she would say things to him which she didn't mean. He was baffled at which version of Ciara he was getting, tired or hormonal?

He took her hand in his and sat her down at the foot of the bed, "Babe what do you think making love means to me? Because if you think it's only the physical, you're dead wrong. I love holding you and kissing you extra special because you are extra special and you deserve to know it. You're so much more than I could ever ask for. You had me at your outer beauty yes but what made me want you to be my wife was the moment you opened your mouth after you regained consciousness in the cabin. Inner you."

Ciara sat up straight and looked at him puzzled, "Are you sure it was me? Because the way I remember it I broke your balls. No let me rephrase that I busted them in pieces."

"Of course it was you? You were my kick ass action hero back then and you were still her almost two months ago as you fought through the pains of the damned to give me one of the best gives I've ever gotten." Ben gave her a broad smile.

"You don't get it I'm not perfect anymore. I'm not the woman of your dreams anymore." Ciara's eyes started to fill with tears again.

"Why are you saying that? You're not listening to what I'm saying. I love Ciara Brady Weston. I fell in love with you when you were Ciara Brady when you had a huge cut under chin and were banged up with a broken leg that had bones sticking out of it. I loved you that day and felt like a man who won the lottery the day you said you loved me. Psychologically screwed up me." Ben swallowed hard and paused, "Babe there is something I've been meaning to ask you and this may not be the right time, but why did you fall in love with me? The Neck Tie Killer."

Ciara sighed hard and shook her head from side to side, "I didn't fall in love with the Neck Tie killer. I fell in love with you. You, Ben Weston. The guy who has the magnetic smile. The guy who gives me strength to believe in myself because I know he's rooting for me." She started to smile as he attempted to dry her tears with his fingers, "I fell in love with you Knot Head. Don't you know that by now Weston? I didn't reel you in, you reeled me in."

Ben moved in closer, "How about I spend quality time with my Little Fish then?"

Ciara reached to turn off the light but felt his hand stop her.

"No, lights on." He declared.

"You want to inspect the Great Big Whale I assume?" Ciara was still feeling not up to par with her outer shell.

"No, I want to inspect my Ciara."

Ben slowly glided his hand up her thigh as he began to ravage her neck with kisses.

Ciara started to feel lightheaded, "Don't stop please." her voice almost a gasp,.'Oh, I missed you so much."

Ben's response couldn't be understood to her as he answered with his mouth between her breasts.

They were about to lose themselves in complete ecstasy, when they heard what sounded like a slight whimper. Ben stopped at first and satisfied at thinking it was just his imagination was about to continue when a full wail came from the monitor on the dresser. In defeat he bowed his head and softly sobbed between Ciara's cleavage.

Ciara fully alert remarked, "How could someone so small know?"

Ben let out a painful breath and went into the other room silently to investigate the source of the noise.

Turning on the light, he walked across the room and looked at the little bed and its irate occupant.

"What's wrong little one? You think me and Mommy don't enjoy your company?" he swaddled the child loosely and held it close to his bare chest. "We weren't going to leave you here alone in your room long, I swear."

"Ben hurry I think she's hungry."

He kissed the child's little fingers, "Ok, Baby Bobcat ready for your midnight snack?"

As he carried her to their bedroom he couldn't help but think back to the hours after the Baby Girl was born and the midwife placed her on his bare chest so they could start bonding. That moment had brought tears to his eyes as he first felt her starting to fall asleep against his chest listening to the steady beating of his heart.

"My Little Princess." He softly exclaimed.

Ciara sat comfortably bracing herself against the headboard with the left side of her robe open and baring her breast.

As Ben handed the Baby Girl to her mother he addressed her before sitting on the bed next to Ciara,

"Bon Appetite.'

Ciara then positioned the baby in her arms and then set her comfortably for her feeding.

The tiny baby immediately latched her mouth onto her mother's nipple and started suckling ravenously as she rested her open palm on Ciara's breast comfortably.

After a few minutes Ciara remarked, "Noisy little eater, aren't you?"

Ben brushed his daughter's left foot lightly hoping not to disturb her during her meals which she took very seriously and then asked a serious question, "Ciara when are we going to tell everyone her real first name? I mean she's eight weeks old and they, your grandma Julie I mean still don't like that her name is Bobcat."

"In due time Ben. When we tell them her real name they'll want an explanation as to how we came up with her name and then we'll have the explain why we chose it." Ciara rubbed his arm, "Baby, I just want to keep that between us for now. It's our own private special moment. The night she was conceived was special to us and only us. Can't we just keep our secret for now?"

Ben was left with a huge request in his mind. Even his father wanted to know why Baby Girl Weston was named Bobcat to the point he called from Statesville every day. He had assumed in error that once Clyde had found out he had a granddaughter and not the grandson he wanted he'd leave them alone but that wasn't the case. In his last phone call his father reminded him he was getting older and would most likely die in prison and never get to have an actual chance to get to know his only grandchild so far. Bobcat was the future of the Weston family and Clyde wanted to know everything about her. But Ben knew if he relented and told Clyde he'd have to tell Doctor Evans and John, because he could never keep anything from them. They would understand. Then there was Ciara's family. Will would maybe like it and Eli and Lani might think it was cute. Doug what eventually understand it. But then there was Hope, Julie, Shawn and worst of all Victor. Him alone making remarks made him more determined now to follow Ciara's lead. No one was going to know Bobcat's real first name until necessary.

Time had elapsed and Ciara had switched Bobcat now to her right breast for the next leg of her meal and Ben still hadn't said a word.

"You Ok? You seem deep in thought."

Ben had to cover quickly from his daughter's name woes, "Just debating if I should attack the leftover General Tso's from dinner."

Ciara was surprised by his confession, "Ben it's cold and maybe greasy now."

"You're right. Tater Tots with strawberry ice cream is a lot better." He remarked as he stood up and headed for the kitchen."

"Tater tots with Strawberry ice cream?" Ciara remarked in disbelief.

"What can I save Babe that is one craving of yours that stuck with me." Ben gleefully left the room.

Ciara rubbed the Baby's back gently, "What do you think Bobbie? Daddy was telling a whopper about what he was thinking about?" she paused, "Yeah, of course you did I felt you stop nursing for a moment to digest what he said. Don't worry we'll get it out of him one way or another."