I'm back. Still super stressed because my event is this Thursday, but I've managed to bring it from an online conference with only eight people confirmed attending and nothing done, to seventy confirmed guests, two keynote speakers and myself as chair. I also secured two more paying sponsors for the event. It's been such a stupid week in terms of having to take every little responsibility I entrusted to certain people, yank it back and do it all myself. And the worst part is that rather than feel bad for it, most of them are just relieved, like they knew if they slacked bad enough, I'd be forced to do it for them.

Cover Art: JustFun101

Chapter 18

Adam listened with half an ear to Ozpin and Glynda talking just outside the infirmary room door. They were loud enough that all of Team RYST could overhear, or at least Ozpin was. For a man normally so calm, Adam found himself a little surprised by the anger. Also a little amused, if morbidly. That must have been the adrenaline speaking.

"I don't care what their justifications are, we teach our students to use their brains!" the headmaster ranted. "I want those responsible found. An example will be made. What's more, schedule a full school speech for tomorrow morning. Mandatory attendance. I will put this rumours nonsense to bed and make sure everyone knows to check the facts before jumping to conclusions. Get in touch with Lisa Lavender's news group as well. I wouldn't put it past her to find out about this and I want it made clear that if so much as a peep of this shows up on the news, I'll drag her through court until there's nothing left."

"This was too fast a response to the video online," Glynda said.

"Agreed. I suspect foul play as much as anyone else, though we can't ignore the simple fact some people would jump at the chance to criticise a faunus. I can't believe this is still a thing, after all this time. How are people not over this yet?" He sounded completely exasperated, which was odd. Faunus rights had been in the tank for a while, but it hadn't been that long since the faunus war. He spoke as if it were eons.

"This sucks," Yang said. Adam wasn't the only one to shoot her a glare; Weiss and Ruby had been shamelessly eavesdropping on the headmaster as much as he had. Yang and Ruby were naturally completely fine, but Weiss sported a lovely purple bruise around her eye, apparently delivered more by accidentally colliding with an elbow than someone punching her. It looks absolutely horrid, far more dramatic than the injury would have suggested. Apparently, Schnee bruised easily. "I can't even understand it. Sure, some people are racist, I get that, but a whole brawl in the middle of the cafeteria over it? Like, why not at least wait until you're alone? This is nuts!"

"They wanted to send a message," Adam grunted.

"Are we in a crime flick now?"

"Oh give it a rest, Yang," Weiss said. "It's obvious enough. There's no other reason they'd start something in so public a place. They wanted to be seen, though I don't imagine they intended to be caught. What is this video everyone has been mentioning anyway?"

Adam made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a mumble, fixing his eyes on Tsune as she dabbed at his face with a cotton bud covered in rubbing alcohol. It didn't sting much, but he was intent on pretending it did so that Yang would have to be the one to answer.

"It's just a thing, okay? Adam and I were doing some late night training and it got to the fun part. Someone took a recording of it though and picked out the worst parts. There's some nonsense online now showing Adam beating me like an abusive husband."

"That's horrible."

"I know! I won the fight, too. I can't believe some fucker took that bit out."

Ruby groaned into her hand. "Priorities, Yang."

"What? Oh right, yeah, the abusive husband bit is bad too." She didn't come across too concerned. "Point is, it was just training. Everyone and their dog is overreacting to it."

"There was blood," Ruby said, earning a gasp from Weiss. "It was the heaviest training I've ever seen."

"It was fine!" Yang stressed. "Tell 'em, Adam. You're cool with it, right?"

"It was consensual. I like to train hard."

"See? And it's not like we were really hurting one another. It was just a little hand to hand pushed further than Miss Goodwitch would normally let it. No one was really hurt. And now we're banned from doing anymore," she said, drawing a look from him. Tsune brought his head back with a soft tsk, holding it in place. Banned? This was news to him. "Ozpin said we need to not do anything that can be misconstrued as violent until this blows over."

Wonderful. And there goes yet another source of peace. Why am I here again? For Blake, his heart answered, but it was no longer with the yearning he was used to. It was for Blake that he'd come, but he wasn't sure if that was enough to make him want to stay. Why? I love her, don't I? I've been in love with her for so long. We were happy together.

Something had changed. He wished it wasn't that he'd found some flaw in her – she had flaws back when they'd been together, and he'd been able to look past them. He loved her despite and in some cases because of them. Loved. Past tense. It didn't seem possible, not after the weight of his feelings had driven him to abandon the White Fang.

The emptiness in his chest ached.

"The rest of you out," Tsune said suddenly. The fox faunus set the stained-pink cotton bud down and drew out another. "I'm going to have to clean under his bandage and my patient deserves privacy for that."

"I've already seen it," Ruby chimed thoughtlessly. Adam sighed and closed his eyes, knowing without looking that the small admission would not have been missed. He could feel Weiss and Yang's gazes on him. They had to be curious.

"You're still leaving. Unless Adam says you can stay." She paused, as did Team RYST, but Adam's silence said it all. "There you have it. Go. I said you could stay to make sure he's healthy and he's fine, as you can see. He won't spontaneously die under my care. Go back to your dorm."

It was with great and obvious reluctance that Team RYST vacated the infirmary, opening the door and reminding the teachers that they weren't alone. Ozpin and Glynda went silent, asking briefly how he was before assuring his teammates their team wasn't in trouble and leaving to hold their discussion in a more private location. The infirmary doors closed behind them, but Tsune waited with her eyes raised skyward, refusing to speak until a minute passed and they heard footsteps trudging away. Adam couldn't help but snort.

"They're adorable," Tsune remarked. "Children often are, especially when one of their own is in trouble. People say you've never seen anything as vicious and thoughtless as a child, but I disagree. I think you and I both know just how cruel adults can be."

"They're far more inventive than children," Adam agreed as his bandage was removed, the SDC brand clear for all to see. "Or perhaps they're just better equipped to cause pain. Those idiots back there tried their hardest, but a beating like that can't compare to the mines." He imagined that Tsune had experience just as bad, if not worse, treatment than he. It often was worse for women. "I held back."

"I can tell by the lack of full beds here. You have the experience to badly hurt them, maybe even kill one and frame it as an accident, and yet you're the only one here before me today. Well, the only one who isn't just sporting bruises and spent aura. Why?"

"Harming them would have fed Goodwitch's assumptions."

"Come now. You don't expect me to believe you care about her opinion. Glynda is a good friend of mine, my best friend, but I know she isn't yours." Impishly, she winked at him, cleaning blood from around his scar tissue. "Try again."

"I'm not sure why I have to tell you at all."

"You don't. I'm just making idle conversation. I am curious, though, and I can be rather inventive when it comes to finding out what I want."

He was experienced in resisting interrogation and even torture if required but challenging her would only drag this out and it wasn't really a secret worth keeping. "I didn't want to make things worse for the other faunus."

"Oh. You remembered my warning?" The woman sighed. "I'd like to say I'm happy, but I didn't mean my words to make you stand there and take a beating. I said not to start any trouble, not to be a punching bag."

"It's not that. The situation was… sudden. They caught me by surprise," he reflected, more annoyed at himself than angry. He'd let his guard down in a way he never had before, all because he'd classified the cafeteria – no, Beacon itself – as a safe haven. How stupid of him. "Before I knew it, they had me held and it wouldn't have been easy to get out. Weiss was also pinned down before she could assist me. The whole cafeteria jumped into action, but no one knew what to do."

"Bystander behaviour?"

"To a degree, but I think it was more no one wanted to escalate. It was one team on one team but if anyone joined in, it might have become an all-out brawl. It did become one," he admitted ruefully. "The beating didn't hurt that much. I have aura and we're all training to be huntsmen. Yang hits harder than they did, so I decided I'd withstand it and plot my revenge later."

Not passive like Scarlatina, but defensive. Sometimes it was all you could do to retreat if the odds were against you, and they'd chosen their timing well. There were far less faunus than humans in Beacon, so they'd felt assured that if a fight happened, he'd be on the losing side. If he risked it, all those faunus who bravely jumped to his defence would be hurt. You didn't take those odds. He couldn't afford to as a commander of faunus.

Later, he could have found the names of his assailants and plotted his counterattack. Something as vicious as Team CRMN to remind them of their place, though this time he would have included his team so as not to get his head bitten off by Weiss and Ruby again. I wonder if I'll even get the chance now. Ozpin has to make an example of them, or he'll lose all respect. They'll probably be expelled.

"What changed?" Tsune asked. "What made you decide to go all out?"

Adam sighed. "They decided to take a look under my bandage."

"Self-conscious?" she asked without any hint of mockery. A doctor would have seen their fair share of hideous injuries, many of which their owners would be understood for wanting to hide. "It's striking, I admit, but you're still rather handsome despite it. If only you were fifteen years older," she teased. "Unless you want to give it a go?"

"Aren't you dating Port?"

"Oh? Already investigating my love life? I'm flattered."

Hilarious. He thought about asking what would make her be interested in someone like Peter Port but thought better of it. While she was undeniably attractive and Port… well, Port might be considered lacking, there may well be good reasons why Tsune felt safer with a huntsman. It wasn't his place to pry anymore than it had been those humans to look beneath his bandages. He composed his answer while Tsune dabbed a cloth over his face to collect the lingering traces of disinfectant.

"I don't particularly care if someone sees it. The White Fang knew about it. I always saw it as a weapon personally, something to use against the SDC. It worked to shock people out of their arguments that the SDC would never hurt our kind."

"And yet here, you completely lose composure when someone made to reveal it. Yet, I find out your diminutive team leader has already seen it. Very curious." Her smirk grew. "Very telling."

Adam scowled. "Telling how? They crossed a line and I responded in kind."

"Not going to say it, are we? For what it's worth I think it's very sweet of you."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"The reason why you didn't want them to take off your bandage," she said, handing it back to him. He quickly tied it over his face, sealing off his vision through one eye. "If it's not because you're afraid of what people will think, and not because you want to stay hidden, then I think it can only be because you don't want certain people to see it. And if I'm correct, only a single person of any value to you was there, weren't they?"

He answered with a snort, standing and pulling on his black coat, buttoning it up halfway and walking to the door. He didn't need to hear it and didn't want her saying it. Sadly, she didn't give him the kindness, calling out to him as he hauled the door open.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to protect your teammate, Adam. It's not a crime to care for their feelings. Even if it's a Schnee."

"Stick to medicine, doctor. You make for a poor psychiatrist."

/-/

Team RYST were undoubtedly waiting for him in their room, and it was a conversation he didn't want to have. With his blood rushing through his body and the faint bruises and cuts on his face stinging, he longed for nothing more than to cut a Grimm down. Or a human. Such thoughts were pointless, though. He could do neither, and now the faint relief of his late night sparring with Yang had been taken away from him as well. He had a suspicion, sinking as it was, as to whom was responsible for that. He just didn't want to admit it.

Beacon was locked into what must have been its first curfew in years, and no one dared tread the hallways. Adam assumed it wouldn't apply to him, however, and was proven correct when Professor Port intercepted him in the hallways but didn't send him back to his room or the headmaster's office.

"Your team will be worried about you, lad. Shouldn't you return to them?"

"My mind isn't in the right place. The reunion would be… complicated." Adam closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. "I'd prefer to avoid an argument if at all possible."

"Ah. You need time to clear your mind? There's a place I like to visit when I need to think. You know the cliffs over the Emerald Forest? When the sun sets, the canopy sparkles and the distant howls of Grimm and birds is strangely relaxing." The old professor walked by. "Food for thought. And, for what little it's worth, lad, I'm sorry we didn't step in sooner."

"The faculty's response was as quick as it could have been. I'm unharmed."

"Physically, perhaps, but wounds on the soul can be just as harsh."

"Is everyone going to assume I'm an emotional wreck?" Adam demanded. "This isn't the first time I've faced discrimination, as well you know. I'm used to it by now. I'm more annoyed thinking of how dramatic my team is going to be about the whole thing."

"That speaks volumes," the old huntsman said. "A man cares not for the wounds he's taken is a man to watch carefully. Pain is how we know we're still alive, and the worst wounds on the soul aren't the ones that hurt. They're the ones that wear at your energy. That make you feel tired and alone. They sap at you, leaving you worn and wondering if it's all worth it." Unbidden and unasked for, the man placed a hand on Adam's shoulder. "But listen to an old man go on. You're still young in body if not soul. Relax a little. Enjoy your youth."

Adam watched the old man go, muttering under his breath. Youth? That was something he'd lost long ago. He hated how melodramatic that sounded even to his own ears. There were some who liked to hype up their harsh upbringing as though it gave them more value. To Adam, it was just a statement of fact, and he was hardly the only faunus to have had or still be going through that.

His feet took him to the clifftops as Port had suggested, however, and though he'd missed the setting sun, he was treated to the sight of the moon rising above the trees and casting a radiant glow upon the leaves. I have to give the old man credit. He knows a good spot to relax. Flapping his coattails back, he hunkered down on the edge with his feet dangling off. The fall was no less a danger than it had been in initiation, and part of him wondered if a running battle through the Emerald Forest might not be just what he needed.

The subsequent manhunt when his team found him missing was not.

He couldn't say how long he sat there watching the moon rise up and listening to the last birdsong giving way to chirping crickets and echoing hoots. Every now and then the trees below would rustle as some bird or animal moved about, reminding him there was life all around. With Beacon for once quiet, he could even imagine he was back in the wilds living with the White Fang, standing looking out over Mistral with Blake by his side, hand in his. The image didn't stir him, not his body nor his soul. Adam sighed and cupped his face with one hand.

"Don't jump." Yang said. "You have so much to live for."

His teammate sauntered up with a shit-eating grin on her face to match the sarcastic way she'd appealed to his survival. He couldn't say he was entirely surprised one of them had come after him. There was just as good a chance all three were scouring Beacon. "I've half a mind to jump just to hear you explain to Weiss and Ruby how you startled me."

"Harsh." Yang came up and swung her legs off the edge. "Nice view."

"How did you find me?"

"A certain professor gave me a clue. He's watching by the way." She nodded back without looking. "Probably keeping an eye out just in case you do try and end it all."

"Tch. As if a bunch of idiots trying to rough me up is enough for that."

"It might not be for you, tough guy, but it could be for others. Don't blame him caring. Or us."

He supposed she was right. Comparing everyone to his twisted standards was ridiculous, and concern should be applauded even when it was an inconvenience. It was good to know other faunus in his position, those less hardy, had someone they could rely on. That would have been so much more a comfort if he wasn't so angry. Not at her, Port or even those racists who had tried to harm him. At Blake. At the world. At himself.

"Why didn't you come back? Ruby and Weiss are worried."

"Both of them?"

"Well, Ruby is worried. Weiss won't admit she is, but she's pacing like she wants to dig through the floor with her heels. Why?" she asked again.

"Bad mood," he admitted. "Didn't want to start a fight."

"Ahhh." Yang made an understanding sound, and he had the feeling she might understand. That wasn't to say they had much in common – they didn't – but Yang was the easiest to anger among the team. It wasn't hard to imagine her lashing out at people when she was in a bad mood. "Sucks we can't fight it out like we usually do. Got to admit, I'm kinda in the mood to say screw it and try anyway. Whomever recorded us must be in curfew, right? Who'll know?"

He was tempted. Oh, how he was tempted. As much as he'd have liked to, however, everyone saying it was unhealthy was right. He couldn't temper his anger by beating a friend into a pulp. Friend? Was she-? Yes, he supposed she was, strange as it was for him and a human to be close. Ruby and Weiss, too, the latter admitted with so much reluctance his teeth ached just to say it in his head. Someone in the White Fang having human friends wasn't unheard of as not all humans were racist, some even sympathised and helped the White Fang, but him having human friends was different. It was something Blake would have never expected of him.

Blake…

The name alone made his stomach churn.

"I came to Beacon chasing the woman I loved."

"Eh!?" Yang leaned away from him, completely blown out by what must have seemed so random a comment to her. "Wait, what? Where's this coming from?"

"My mouth," he snapped. "Are you going to listen or not?"

"Y-Yeah. Yeah! Course. Ahem. Go on."

Idiot. Yang was about as subtle as an Ursa. He wasn't even sure why he tried, but maybe it was that complete lack of grace that made her seem more suitable. Her response would be more honest where Ruby would try and save his feelings and Weiss would take the diplomatic approach or dig too deep in search of answers.

"We were together in everything, and yes, we were romantically involved. Sexually as well. We did everything together and we were deeply in love. Or so we thought. Things happened." He grimaced, considering each word. "We had a… difference of opinion. A fundamental one. She told me I had become something she couldn't look at anymore, something twisted, angry and bitter." Murderous, too, but he couldn't say that. "In the end, she left me, believing that she could have a new life in Beacon, a place I could neither go to nor fit in with."

"And yet you're here."

"And yet I am here. Understand, I came with no other desire than to prove her wrong. I thought that if I could show her that I, too, could change, that I could thrive here, that she would realise her judgment of me was wrong. I thought she would see that those flaws she highlighted could be changed, that I could change. That if she'd just spoken to me and given me a chance, we could have worked everything out." He leaned back and stared up at the moon, exhausted in a way he couldn't explain. "You could say my feelings for her were as much obsession as romance. I was convinced she was the one, that we were meant to be together."

"I take it things didn't work out."

"I only had a chance to speak to her today." He snorted when Yang looked surprised. They'd been on a team for weeks now. "Every time I tried to interact with her, she fled. I've been ignored and avoided, my every effort to prove I can adapt here worthless in her eyes."

"Yeah." Yang approached the subject hesitantly, like a mouse approaching a cat. "I mean, if she made the choice then it's her choice, you know. You can't force her to feel a certain way."

"I'm aware of that."

He wanted to ask if he wasn't worth at least a few words, if Blake couldn't have at least acknowledged his efforts and made some small effort to admit she'd misjudged him. That felt so entitled, though, even in his own head. A person so brazenly stalking someone shouldn't be encouraged.

"I just…" He trailed off, frustrated at his own inability to form the correct words. "I expected the cold shoulder but… she's changed, and not in ways I understand. You remember Forever Fall; my jar being knocked out my hand at the end?"

"Yeah. Goodwitch let everyone off because there were no witnesses."

"There was a witness."

"The girl!?" Yang's face twisted instantly, anger taking over. "The hell! You telling me she just up and let you get in trouble? No, wait." With a lot of effort, she managed to calm down. "How… How bad were the two of you? It wasn't… I don't know how to say it…"

"I didn't abuse her." Not outside of training anyway. Yang sighed, relieved.

"Right. Well in that case I think it's a shit thing to do. Yeah, sure, you broke up and that's awkward, but if she was complaining about you not being a good person then her turning a blind eye on someone in trouble isn't saying much about her either!"

"You don't know anything-" Adam cut himself off. The defence of Blake was an instinctive and automatic thing, but even as he started to tell Yang off, he recognised there was no heat in it. No effort. If anyone in the White Fang had criticised her, he would have come down on them like a tonne of bricks, full of righteous fire and a desire to defend her honour. Here, he just felt tired. Dull. "Sorry. You're right. It doesn't say much good about her. I saw her today as well, in the crowd." He covered his good eye with one hand. "Sitting there. Watching. All the time, even at the end, she didn't do a damn thing."

Yang breathed out harshly. "Fucker."

"Do you know what is truly the funniest part? Her teammates did. Her teammates, who don't know me at all, leapt to my defence, placing themselves in harm's way for a stranger while the woman I loved and spent the last five years with watched without lifting a finger."

"That's not funny, Adam."

"It's not." He couldn't bring himself to laugh either. It just sounded funny in his head, like some stupid joke of a situation he should be laughing at instead of the dull sensation of being dragged underwater and not even wanting to swim to the surface. "It's not funny at all. I gave up my whole life to chase after her, because I loved her, and now… now, I'm no longer sure what I feel for her. I loved her. I really did." Adam was ashamed to hear his voice crack as he asked, "So why don't I feel betrayed? Why don't I feel hurt or angry? Why…?" His hand clenched into a fist. "Why do I feel nothing at all?"

No anger. No sorrow. No grief. No pain. Worst of all, no surprise.

Blake's actions came as no surprise to him.

"People…" Yang trailed off and tried again after a moment's thought. "People change, I guess. They grow and they fall in love and sometimes… sometimes they fall out of love as well. It happened to my mom and dad. I… I guess it's happening to you as well." A long silence grew between them before she quietly added. "It doesn't mean it has to be a bad thing."

"How is it not?"

"Because… Because she sounds like a bitch. Sorry," Yang said quickly, "I'll fully admit I'm biased because you're my teammate and all, and it'd probably be different if she was here instead of you, but she's not and I can't stand the idea of someone like that being around you. Fuck her. Not literally, though. You're better off without."

That was it, then? It was that simple? After all these years of being deeply in love, he just… wasn't. Suddenly, he wasn't. That was it. All those good times, all those moments, gone. It felt so stupid. It felt like such a waste.

"It isn't." Yang insisted. He hadn't even realised he'd spoken out loud. "Those times, they're still a thing. You were happy, right? While it lasted. That's a good thing. You made each other happy. And yeah, sometimes it doesn't work out but that doesn't mean it was a waste."

"Why am I even here if not for her? She's the only reason I have to stay in Beacon."

"Fuck that!" He was surprised by the force of Yang's shout. It sent birds scattering from the trees. "Fuck! That!" she repeated, punching his arm so hard he clutched at it. "Maybe you didn't have any other reasons before, but you've got us! That's reason enough to stay, isn't it?" When he didn't immediately answer, her eyes flashed red. "Don't you dare say it isn't. Don't you dare say me, Ruby and Weiss don't mean anything to you!"

Adam didn't know what to say.

"Ruby looks up to you for advice like a big brother," Yang went on angrily. "Weiss, for all her bitching, got a black eye trying to defend you, and do you think I'd do all this for someone I didn't consider a friend?"

"No…?"

"Exactly! You're staying!" Suddenly, her voice dropped Yang sounded afraid for the first time he'd ever known her. "Aren't you…?"

Was he? He didn't know. Why bother? He'd come for Blake and now felt nothing for her. Nothing at all. The White Fang would welcome him back surely, and his time at Beacon hadn't done much to convince him humans and faunus could coexist. Why not leave? Team RYST could survive without him. They would survive without him.

"Adam…?" Yang's voice cracked.

"I suppose I could stay…" Adam growled under his breath. "At least until I decide what I want to do."

"Y-Yeah. That's better. Ha. I knew you'd stay…"

"Did you? Hmph." He closed his eyes. "I guess I'm just that predictable."

"Yeah." Yang was silent for a long while, before nudging just a little closer. "Thanks," she whispered, so quietly he could almost think he'd imagined it. "Thanks for staying..."

Had to write this Monday night after Null because I'll be busy at the office all day today checking lights, microphones and cameras. Mostly since my tech guys were meant to do it but say they're getting lots of noise feedback and have no idea what to do. Some tech guys, huh? Anyway, Adam forced to face big questions about his motivations and his feelings for Blake. I expect this would have happened to Adam in the show for real if they hadn't gone for the "oh, he's suddenly a psychopath" angle because they were intimidated by the thought of maybe writing a sympathetic villain in RWBY.

Next Chapter: 10th November

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