Captain Hook and his band of pirates lurked through the jungles of Neverland, sneaking their way to Hangman's Tree to steal some of Peter Pan's loot, and perhaps kidnap the brats while they were at it. As they crept quietly through the forest, they thought it was the perfect time to sing a proud, boisterous song, so they sang,

"With cat-like tread,

Upon our prey we steal.

In silence dread,

Our cautious way we feel.

No sound at all,

We never speak a word.

A fly's footfall would be distinctly heard.

So stealthily the pirate creeps

While all the island soundly sleeps.

Come, friends, who plough the sea!

Truce to navigation,

Take another station.

Let's vary piracy

With a little burglary!"

Just then, card soldiers leapt out from the bushes, surrounded the pirates, and raised their spears toward them. The Queen of Hearts emerged and approached Captain Hook. "Pirates, 'ey? Good thing we heard you coming a mile away, or you might have sneaked up on us," she said.

Smee leaned over to Hook and said, "How could they have heard us, Captain? We were creeping as quietly as a crab."

"Oh, please! You were about as quiet as a March Hare in May!" the Queen said.

"What in the blazes is that supposed to mean?" Hook said.

"It means you're in our captivity now! Which means every one of you will lose your head!"

The King said, "But, my Queen, we're not in Wonderland anymore. Which means we don't have any rule over this land."

"Who says we don't have any rule here?" the Queen screamed. "I'm the Queen, so I get to decide which lands I rule over and which ones I don't! And I've just decided now that I rule over this land as well!"

"Yes, of course, my Queen. Anything you say, my dear," the King said.

Captain Hook stooped down on his knees and pleaded, "Please! We'll do anything! Just don't chop our heads off!"

"Hmm, anything, you say?" the Queen said. "Well, in that case, I have a little favor for you. Find a little brat by the name of Alice and bring her to me. Her head is long overdue to be off with!"

"What does she look like?" Hook asked.

"Well, she's short; she has long, blonde hair; and she has the most devious, deceitful, little face imaginable."

"From the way you talk about her, she seems to be a child. Why would anyone want to murder a child?" Hook smirked.

"Because she's the most insolent, impudent, ignorant, and idiotic child to ever exist!"

"Your highness! How evil of you!" Hook said. "How despicable! How disgusting, how monstrous…"

"So, you're not up for it, then?" the Queen said.

"Not up for it? Why… I'm all for it!" Hook said, raising his hook with enthusiasm.

The Queen's face curled up into a hideous, crooked grin in response.

Hook continued, "Your grace, it has been my lifelong mission to exterminate a brat myself. This Alice you speak of sounds a lot like the one I'm after, except he's a boy by the name of Peter Pan. Perhaps we can come to some sort of agreement. I help you find Alice, you help me find Pan. And we'll both destroy them, together!"

"It's a deal!" the Queen said. The cards lowered their spears.

The White Rabbit blew on his bugle and said, "The Queen of Hearts has spoken! The island-wide girl-hunt for Alice has begun!"

"And the island-wide boy-hunt for Peter Pan, don't you forget," Captain Hook said.

"Yes, and the island-wide boy-hunt for Peter Pan," the White Rabbit added rather unenthusiastically.

"Captain!" Smee said. "The rabbit sounds just like me!"

"What? I do not sound like you!" the White Rabbit said.

"Odds fish! So he does, Smee!" Hook said. "You two sound exactly alike. How peculiar. He's like your rabbit doppelganger."

"We even look a bit like each other, don't we, Captain? We both have white whiskers and little spectacles. We're both short and a bit pudgy."

"Stop it! No, no, we're nothing alike!" the Rabbit said. "You're an old man! I'm still in my prime!"

"Now hold on just a minute! I'm not that old," Smee said.

The Queen screamed, "That's enough! If you two don't stop squabbling at each other, you'll both lose your heads! Understand?"

"Yes, your majesty," the White Rabbit said.

"Y-y-yes, ma'am," Smee said.

"Good! Then let's get on with the search!" the Queen said.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the Neverland jungles, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare ran along with their arms linked with Slightly and Cubby.

"Hey, what's the big idea? Where're you takin' us?" Slightly said.

"We're not taking you anywhere," the Mad Hatter said. "You're perfectly capable of leaving on your own volition."

"But you're holding our arms," Cubby said. "So, it's kinda hard for us to go off on our own."

The Mad Hatter looked down and saw that his arms were linked with the boys. "Oh, so we are." He giggled as he and the March Hare let go. "There you are. Now, if you'll be on your way, I suppose this is where we say 'toodeloo'!" the Hatter said, and the mad pair began to walk away.

Slightly and Cubby then realized they were lost in the jungle. Despite them having lived in Neverland for so long, they were never able to get a grip on their sense of direction without the guide of Peter or Tink.

"Wait!" Slightly said to the Hatter and the Hare.

"Yeeesss?" the Hatter said as he whipped around, twiddling his fingers.

"Where're you going?" Slightly asked. "Maybe we could follow you."

"We're going wherever we can get a good cup of tea," the March Hare said. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where we could get some tea around here, would you, boys?"

"Tea?" Cubby said. "We don't really like tea, but—"

"You don't like tea?" the Hare interrupted rather offendedly. "My dear boy, what worth does life have without the glorious splendor of tea?"

"No worth at all, that's what," the Hatter answered.

"You didn't let me finish!" Cubby said. "I was gonna say that you can have tea if you wanna. All you gotta do is just think about it, and it'll appear. But you'll need a real cup to hold it in."

"Oh, not a worry, we always bring a spare cup," the Mad Hatter said, pulling out two empty teacups from within his hat. Then, in an instant, they began sipping tea from fully-filled cups. "Mm. Quite delicious for a concoction of my own, if I do say so myself," the Hatter said.

"This is quite the marvelous method of making one's own tea," the March Hare said.

"Hey, is it just me, or are those bushes moving?" Slightly said.

"Please. Teatime is never the appropriate occasion to prattle on about one's crazy delusions. It's very, very rude," the Mad Hatter said.

"Very, very rude, indeed," the Dormouse said, popping out from underneath the top of the Hatter's hat, only to sink back down in a drowsy haze.

"Slightly's not crazy," Cubby said. "I see the bushes moving, too!"

Suddenly, Indians jumped out from the bushes and ambushed the group. Slightly and Cubby tried to fight back, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare tried to wriggle free from their grasp, but to no avail. The Indians roped up the captives and took them back to their encampment.

A/N: The lyrics that the pirates sing is from the song "With Cat-Like Tread" from "The Pirates of Penzance" by Gilbert and Sullivan. In the Peter Pan segment in the Disney on Ice show "Passport to Adventure", Captain Hook's pirates sing "With Cat-Like Tread", and I thought the idea of them singing a Gilbert and Sullivan song in a Disney on Ice show was so strange that it was hilarious in its own right. What was even stranger is that the more I thought about it, the more it actually seemed kind of in-character for Hook to be a Gilbert and Sullivan fan, so I decided to incorporate it into this story!