Nate called the team in. The case was a single mom who was humiliated by someone masquerading as someone from the IRS and maxed out her credit card. Though, Eliot was grumpy as they had just gotten done with a job.
Kaira tossed Eliot an ice pack as they went to sit down. Parker was playing with a pinata, candy all around it, and Sophie was drinking tea.
"Look, all I'm saying is, is I don't understand why we can't have a couple of days off in between jobs. We just spent 10 days in Juarez." Eliot said, sitting down as Kaira positioned herself to massage Eliot's neck, as he was a bit sore.
"What's the matter? You don't like the pinatas I bought?" Parker asked, her hand inside the pinata.
"All right, listen. No - no time off, all right? We got a lot of work to do. Hardison, run it." Nate said, joining the group at the table as Hardison got his presentation loaded up.
Eliot was groaning, not really happy. Kaira groaned back, silently telling Eliot to relax.
"All right. The first rule of crime is follow the money. Now, Ms. Salazar's money ran through three different shell companies before it ended up with this guy. Hugh Whitman." Hardison pulled up his image. "He runs a big debt collection agency outside of Boston called Financial Support Associates." Hardison explained.
"Well, it makes sense. I mean, he's got bill collectors already on his payroll. He just sends them after people who owe back taxes. He keeps the money." Eliot said, a bit more relaxed since Kaira was rubbing his neck.
"But the names of those people, they're not public. So how does he know who to target?" Sophie pointed out.
"Well, Whitman worked for the IRS for 20 years. He probably had a friend leak him a list." Nate said.
Parker then pulled out a piece of candy. "Ooh, I got it! I got it!" Parker explained, excited.
The team looked at her, signaling that it was the wrong time.
"We steal the list." Parker said, throwing the candy down.
"We need a way in. What did you find out about Whitman on the internet?" Nate asked, joining Hardison at the screen.
"Nothing." Hardison chuckled.
"What do you mean nothing?" Nate asked.
"He's not on the net, man. At all. Which is strange because his company deals with such high tech. You know, they do this thing where they spoof you caller I.D to make it seem like your grandma's calling, when it's really one of their bill collectors." Hardison explained.
"Sweet." Eliot said, sarcastic.
"Go back to the money. You said Whitman routed his money through three different shell companies, right?" Nate questioned.
"Mm-hmm." Hardison confirmed.
"Where is it now?" Nate asked.
"Somewhere in the boondocks at a bank called Turner Creek. It's under an account named Patriot Limited. Now, there's no ties to Whitman, and that's why the cops can't touch him." Hardison explained.
"Good. We can work with that." Nate said, turning around. "Okay, I want a two-pronged attack. One team is gonna go convince Whitman his money isn't safe there at the bank." Nate said.
"That's - me, Kaira, and Hardison got the bank." Eliot said, pointing to Kaira then Hardison.
Kaira liked the plan.
"We're doing what, now?" Hardison said, not liking it.
"Mm-Hmm." Eliot confirmed, with Kaira smiling.
"Okay, after you guys have spooked Whitman, Sophie, you go and hook him with a new place to stash his cash. Questions?" Nate laid down the plan.
Parker was rattling the pinata, getting candy everywhere. This irritated Eliot, who put down the ice pack and ripped the head off the pinata, causing Parker to gasp and whimper. Eliot got up and Nate left to work on his part of the plan.
"I'll fix it. We can fix it. We'll fix it. It's okay." Parker said, placing the head back on the pinata, the team left giving her weird looks.
Soon, Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison were at the bank, getting into their covers. They opened the back of the car, revealing IRS jackets.
"Dude, I don't know what you're complaining about, all right? I got us the bank. We're in, we're out, and we get to go throw a worm in the water." Eliot said, tossing the jackets to Kaira and Hardison, who put them on.
"Yeah, it'll be relaxing. Though you mess that shoulder up again, and I will kill you. I spent the last two days taking care of your grumpy ass." Kaira said, smiling at Eliot, who got the message as they walked to the bank.
"All so you can go fishing in the woods." Hardison said.
"That's right." Eliot said.
"Man, I go fishing at the grocery store. I don't see why I had to come." Hardison said, not liking being disconnected.
"It'll be good for you. Get you off the computer for a while. Give your eyes a break. When's the last time you were outside?" Kaira asked.
Just then an insect buzzed and Hardison swatted at it, bumping into Eliot, who got his jacket on.
"Hey, man." Eliot warned.
"Man! Hey, man, did you see the size of that mosquito? That thing had a beak, man." Hardison said, complaining. He then sniffed the air. "What's that smell?" Hardison asked, causing Kaira to chuckle.
"Fresh country air, Hardison. Nothing like it." Kaira said, liking not smelling the city for a tad.
"I don't like it." Hardison said.
They walked inside the bank. Eliot took off his hat and zipped up his jacket.
"Who's in charge here?" Eliot asked, using a Boston accent.
A stout older man approached the trio. "Uh, how can - How can I help you?" The guy asked, nervous from reading the jackets.
"I'll tell you how you can help us. This is Agent Brody." Eliot introduced Hardison. "I'm Agent Quint. Eliot introduced himself.
"And I'm Special Agent Hopper." Kaira introduced herself, using a Boston accent as well.
"With the Criminal Investigation Unit of the IRS." Eliot said, putting his badge away.
"Well, uh, w-what can I do for you?" The guy asked.
"We need the records of all the accounts in the name of Patriot Limited." Hardison said.
"O-o-of course. Uh, r-right this way. I'll get them for you. Have a seat here." The guy said, nervous as he gestured to the two seats. "We don't get many folks way out here. Uh, why don't you just have a seat and I'll bring that account right up?" The guy suggested as Eliot and Hardison sat down, Kaira standing beside them.
Kaira swore she saw a guy behind the desk get on his phone, knowing he was going to warn Whitman about the account.
Meanwhile, at Whitman's office, Sophie walked up to him, ready to set up her part of the con. "Mr. Whitman, my name is Colette Madison. We have some mutual friends over at the IRS." Sophie said, using an American accent.
"Oh, well, go ahead and leave your résumé with human resources." Whitman said, going to his office door.
"It's about your account at Turner Creek Bank." Sophie said, setting the bait.
Whitman turned around, probably wondering how this woman knew about the account. "I don't have an account at Turner Creek Bank." Whitman said.
"No, but Patriot Limited does. And that's you." Sophie said. She walked up to the door. "May I?" She asked, opening the door. Sophie walked in and started secretly looking around, spotting a grenade on the desk and not a lot of decor. Sophie picked up the grenade to look at it.
"Who are you?" Whitman asked.
Sophie put the grenade down and turned to face Whitman.
"Think of me as a matchmaker. I bring together parties who can benefit each other. For a fee of course." Sophie explained.
"I don't need your help." Whitman said.
"Unfortunately, you do. I'm here to tell you that your money isn't safe at Turner Creek Bank anymore." Sophie explained.
Just then there was a knock at the door. "Now now." Whitman said to the guy coming in. "It's urgent." The guy said.
"Okay, good timing, Sophie. Now, Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison should be finishing up at the bank right about now." Nate said over comms.
Whitman told his guy to follow him. They talked outside before Whitman walked in. Sophie sat on the couch nearby, a glass of liquid courage in it.
"They're there already, aren't they?" Sophie asked.
Whitman went up to his desk. "How did you know?" Whitman asked, putting his briefcase on the desk.
"I told you. I have friends at the IRS. They're on to you, Mr. Whitman." Sophie said, taking a sip of her drink.
"Well, if you know my former department at the IRS, then you probably know Charlie Dean. How is the old boy?" Whitman said, revealing his source.
Nate and Parker were at the apartment, standing at the table. "Now, that must be Whitman's source inside the IRS." Nate realized.
"Yeah, we need Hardison. Or Kaira." Parker said.
"No. No, we don't. Sophie, I want you to tell him that the last time you saw Charles was at his funeral." Nate ordered.
Parker mouthed, "What?" confused about what Nate was planning.
Sophie got the cue and put her glass down. "Haven't you heard? I'm so sorry. It was a beautiful service." Sophie said, stone-faced.
Whitman got the idea and went to sit down. "All right. You have my attention, Ms. Madison. If my bank isn't safe, what is?" Whitman asked, sitting on the loveseat.
"I want to introduce you to someone who runs an alternative financial institution." Sophie said.
"How'd you know that?" Parker asked, impressed.
Nate shook his head no a couple of times.
"Do you know when I'm gonna die? Do ya?" Parker asked.
"Parker." Nate said.
"What?" Parker asked.
Back at the bank, Eliot, Hardison, and Kaira were done with Whitman. Unfortunately, the comms weren't working, though they had them in, so they couldn't tell Nate or Sophie they were done. The trio was talking and walking to the car.
"You think that was enough to spook Whitman?" Eliot asked.
Hardison and Kaira were taking off their jackets. "Don't know. Comms and mobiles don't work up here, so we have to call Nate from a landline." Hardison explained.
"Yeah, well you can use the phone at the bait shop while I tackle us up. We'll grab something to eat. Come on!" Eliot said, getting excited as he put the jackets in the car.
"Look at me. I look like somebody eats at a bait shop?" Hardison asked.
"No." Eliot said.
Just then another male voice was heard. "You fellas are gonna want to come with me." The guy said, decked out in camo, causing the trio to turn to face him.
"Excuse you? We're just trying to go fishing." Kaira said, not happy.
"Make any sudden moves and my boys will blow your heads right off." The guy said.
Just then multiple guys with guns with military-grade weaponry revealed themselves, red laser dots on all three of their chests. Kaira and Eliot stayed calm, knowing what was about to happen. Hardison was panicking. They got loaded in a van and Eliot and Hardison were handcuffed together as Kaira was handcuffed to Eliot. This was a problem. Eliot had his eyes closed, counting. Kaira was also counting, but silently, mapping out the drive route in their heads, something both husband and wife were taught to do in the army, and their other jobs.
"Hey, man, this van is old. I-I bet if we rush that door, we could pop the lock. You ready?" Hardison whispered, making a plan.
"Shut up." Kaira warned, not wanting to distract Eliot.
"At least I'm trying to get us out of here. What are you guys doing?" Hardison asked.
"I'm drawing a map, Hardison." Eliot said. He continued counting as the van continued to wherever they were going. This was not the ideal situation to be in, to say the least, but at least Kaira and Eliot knew what to do in this situation.
Meanwhile, an unaware Nate, Sophie, and Parker got ready to introduce Whitman to his new "bank". Parker got rid of all the women on the spin bikes and Nate got rid of the manager of the gym they were taking over.
Sophie walked in to the office, Whitman not impressed. "Hugh Whitman, Vic Pellington. He's the owner." Sophie introduced them as Nate was throwing a small basketball to the hoop on the wall near the door.
"Hey, come on in. Have a seat. So, what do you think of our little operation we got here?" Nate asked, taking a drink from a large fast food drink cup.
"Well, it's a low-rent gym for housewives. Doesn't look like a bank to me." Whitman said, unimpressed.
"No, that's true. Yeah. One of them is - is nothing. But you get five of these places, and I'm telling you - it's a money-laundering machine." Nate explained his set up.
"Vic owns 25 Images Franchises. He sells interests to discerning businessmen like yourself looking to hide the source of their income." Sophie continued explaining.
"Except that only works when you have customers to explain the cash flow. This place is empty." Whitman said, not sure how the whole thing worked.
"And that right there, that's the beauty of the health club industry, because 80 percent of the people, they, uh, they pay the membership but they never come. Have a seat." Nate said.
Whitman sat down.
"We have all these names - name after name of these members that never come in in our databank." Nate continued explaining.
"Give Vic your money to wash and he just adds names to the membership roster. Your dirty money becomes clean profit." Sophie explained.
"So she gets a finder's fee?" Whitman asked.
"She does." Nate answered.
"What about you?" Whitman asked Nate.
"My rake is 15 percent." Nate said.
Whitman didn't like the idea.
"Oh, yeah, but with that, what you get is you get detailed papers that show that you're an investor in Images for over a year. You get board-meeting minutes. It's all on the up." Nate continued explaining.
"Okay, what's the catch?" Whitman asked.
"Well, the only catch is that I need an answer, now, today, because - I got one slot left, okay, and you're not the only bidder." Nate explained.
"All right, well, I'm gonna want to look at what you think are detailed records." Whitman said, taking off his coat.
"Yeah, yeah. Sure. I got, uh..." Nate said, going to grab the papers.
"I'm very intimate with the tax code, Vic. I used to be district manager with the Internal Revenue Service." Whitman explained, going to look at the paper.
"That's cool." Nate said.
Meanwhile, the kidnapped trio were standing at the camp of these guys and they looked at the jackets the trio had that they took off.
"Internal Revenue Service. Taking money from hard-working Americans and shipping it straight to China." The leader said.
Eliot and Kaira were looking at the guys putting a label on the van, making it look like a delivery van, and boxes of molasses and fertilizer.
"You smell that?" Eliot asked, quietly.
"Yeah." Kaira whispered.
"Smell of death? Yes I do." Hardison whispered to Eliot before turning to the guys in front of them. "Look, man, that's not even real. Right? See, I make those up from a little -" Harrison said when the guy punched him in the stomach. Hardison starting coughing.
Eliot recognized who the guys were. "Turner Creek Minutemen. Anti-Government Militia, huh?" Eliot questioned, knowing he was right.
"Anti-Government Freedom Fighters." The guy corrected Eliot. "They say the war is coming, Tax men, but it's already begun. What do you call a man who takes your property, enriches your adversaries, and deprives you of your liberty?" The leader said, circling the trio.
Kaira noticed a younger boy, couldn't be much younger than she was when she joined the army.
"Your enemy." Eliot said, staring the leader, Chester, down.
"Consider yourselves casualties of war." Chester said.
The guy behind them kicked Hardison to his knees. The guy went to Eliot next, who wouldn't go down. He went to Kaira next and did the same. Kaira laughed as she grunted under her knee being kicked, but stayed standing.
"That's cute. You think this is a war? I've seen war. You would shit your pants if you've seen what I've seen." Kaira said, taunting the leader. She turned to the young boy. "I wasn't much older than you when I joined the army. I had that same look in your eye the first time I was handed a gun. Let me tell you something, boy. War doesn't give a shit which side you're on, no one wins. Both sides lose brothers and sisters that died for what they think is freedom. Do you want that to be you? Someone who loses everything? Become a martyr? Cause you're just gonna watch your brothers and sisters die. And there's nothing you can do. That ain't a way to die." Kaira stared right at the young boy, getting her message in his head as the guy behind the trio aimed his gun.
The couple looking at each other, knowing that they weren't going down without a fight.
"It ain't gonna happen, Bubba." Eliot threatened, growling.
"I got two standing and one kneeling." The guy behind said.
"Make it work." Chester ordered.
The guy behind them cocked his gun and aimed it at Hardison's head. "Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hold up! Hold up, man! C-C-Can I at least get a-a cigarette?" Hardison asked Chester.
"What?" Chester asked Hardison.
"C-Can I get a cigarette? As an enemy combatant, I'm entitled to one last cigarette according to Geneva Convention Article 89, paragraph 3, subsection K." Hardison said.
Chester knew what Hardison was saying, but didn't like it.
"No, y-y-you know it." Hardison turned to Eliot.
"Are we combatants or not?" Eliot asked, knowing Hardison was buying time. Chester smiled, not liking the idea, but knowing he had to honor it.
"Fine. Brandon... Give the man a cigarette." Chester ordered the young boy.
Brandon grabbed a cigarette and tried to give it to Hardison, who pulled back. "Those menthol lights?" Hardison asked.
"No." Brandon said. Brandon put the cigarette in Hardison's mouth and went to grab matches from his jacket chest pocket.
Eliot and Kaira saw boxes being stacked.
Brandon fumbled with the matches.
"Come on, now." Hardison rushed Brandon, causing him to fumble more. "Go on. Take your time." Hardison said, causing Brandon to drop the match and search for it, allowing Hardison to drop the cigarette from his mouth and pocket it for later.
"Oh, for God's sake, Brandon!" Chester exclaimed, not happy with the boy.
"For God's sake, Brandon!" Hardison yelled.
Kaira and Eliot quickly turned, with Kaira grabbing the gun and pushing it down, aiming the bullet to the ground at Eliot grabbed Kaira's hand to make a fist to flip him to the ground, and Kaira kicked him for good measure and they ran like hell out of the woods, guns firing.
"You see that? That's called a plan!" Hardison yelled.
"What plan, man? Smoke cigarettes and die!" Eliot yelled as they kept running.
"Shut the hell up, both of you!" Kaira yelled, fed up with both of their grumpiness.
"This way!" Eliot yelled, leading the way.
Kaira heard the dogs barking, so she knew they would have to deal with that.
Back at Whitman's office, Parker was doing her job, staying in cover, answering the phone, realizing what the guy she was calling about the outstanding balance was for, which was for an Oncology center.
Nate was at the fitness center with Whitman, still looking over the documents.
"Parker, why aren't you in Whitman's office yet?" Nate asked, quietly and discreetly.
"Uh, 'cause it's my first day at work." Parker said. She kept deleting things and took off her headset.
"On my way now." Parker said, getting up and grabbing her coat.
Kaira, Eliot, and Hardison were still running, gaining some distance between the minutemen and themselves. Eliot told them to stop.
"What do you mean, stop? Why we stop running?" Hardison asked, worried.
"Listen to me, all right? Listen to me! The van was averaging 45 miles an hour, right? We were in their for 22 minutes. We took two turns off the highway. That's 17 miles north of town. We need to go south. That's south." Eliot said, lifting up his and Kaira's hand to point to south.
"Says you and what compass?" Hardison asked.
"His, Hardison. Eliot's right. I counted to. If there's one thing the army taught me, it's finding directions. Eliot's right." Kaira said, grabbing her bobby pin from her hair as Eliot and Hardison started arguing.
"How about some sense, man. That's uphill. Running downhill is faster. That's proven science." Hardison argued.
Kaira tried to get her locked pick, but the dogs were near. Eliot and Hardison did rock paper scissors, not having enough time to do anything else. Eliot won.
"Damn it! Again?" Hardison said, not happy.
"You got a tell, man. You got a tell." Eliot said.
They started running again as Kaira put her pin back.
Meanwhile, Parker was in Whitman's office. She was looking at the various things in the back of his room.
"If I were a super-secret government document, where would I hide?" Parker asked herself, tracing the bookcase. She noticed a book out of place and pulled it, opening a secret room. "Bingo." Parker said, going inside. There was a lot of memorabilia from wartime, including a flag and a map. Parker plugged in a thumb drive in the computer and started typing, finding the list. She printed it out. Parker noticed a wooden crate, so she picked the lock, revealing guns in the box. "Guys, I found the list, but that's not all I found. I found guns." Parker reported.
Nate and Sophie looked at each other. Nate grabbed his phone, acting like he got a phone call.
"Ahh, geez. Sorry, I- go ahead. I-I got to take this call." Nate said. He answered the phone, acting like it was the board as he left.
"Looks like he's stealing from the taxpayers to buy weapons. And flags." Parker reported, looking at the flags.
"Flags, huh? What kind of flags?" Nate asked.
"White with a green tree inside a blue shield with a star and a ribbon around it. It says, "Ense petit placidam, sub libertate quietem." Parker said, not knowing what it meant.
"By the sword, we seek peace, but only under liberty. Well, that's from the Massachusetts state flag. The tree, that's from the original colonial flag." Nate explained.
"So he's a historian." Parker said, not knowing what it meant.
"With an arsenal. No wonder we can't find anything about this guy online. He's got a little secret. I'm gonna try something." Nate said.
Parker started taking pictures of everything.
Nate entered the office. "I'm so sorry. The local council wants to put up handicap ramps all over the parking lot." Nate explained the phone call, going behind his desk. "You know, next thing you know, we're gonna have to put braille in the, uh, you know, the free weights. It's getting to be ridiculous, these people." Nate said, upset. He looked outside. "Hey, uh, is that your yellow hummer over there?" Nate asked.
"That it is." Whitman said.
"Boy, that's a sweet ride, huh?" Nate said, complimenting the car.
"Well-made machine." Whitman said, ignoring Nate.
"Yeah, a beauty. She's nice." Nate said, giving Sophie the cue he was about to start his idea. "I appreciate a man who buys American, I'll tell you that. Used to work for the government myself. I'm going back a few years, but, uh, you know, back then, we all believed in the same principles." Nate said, sitting down.
"It's true. Yeah, the system, it's - it's - it's broken down." Sophie said, going along with Nate, getting Whitman's attention.
"It certainly is." Nate said.
"Whatever happened to "by the people, for the people", huh?" Sophie asked.
"I spent 20 years with the IRS. You think after all that time and all that money I collected, any of it went to protect the interest of real Americans? No. We just hand it off to other agencies. They dole it out to welfare cheats and border jumpers and whatever black-hole programs keep the incumbents in office." Whitman said.
Sophie chuckled, acting like she was agreeing with Whitman. Whitman sighed.
"Yeah, taxpayers these days... they're a bunch of sheep. Just blind followers who don't even realize their liberty is under constant assault by the government that they've elected. It's pathetic." Whitman said, showing his true colors.
"Preaching to the choir." Nate said, acting like he agreed.
"You know, that money that, uh, the IRS is looking for in that bank? I told you. It's not mine. It belongs to the revolution. And it's coming." Whitman said, almost as a warning.
"That's why you got to act fast, Hugh. You've got those, uh, IRS agents snooping around." Sophie said, hoping Whitman would reveal what happened to the trio who went to the bank.
Whitman scoffed. "I wouldn't worry about them. I had them taken care of." Whitman said.
Nate, Sophie, and Parker did not like that.
Whitman excused himself, offering for Nate and Sophie to stop by later with the papers to get an answer.
Nate and Sophie both sighed, knowing this wasn't good. "Parker, have you, uh, talked to Eliot, Kaira, or Hardison today?" Nate asked, hoping he was wrong.
"No. Uh, they could be out of range, o-or..." Parker said, worried for her friends, not liking the alternative.
"Or in a lot of trouble." Nate said, knowing they had to come up with something. Sophie and Nate went up to Whitman's office, entering the front door as Parker went back to "work".
"I don't like it, Nate. Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison should have checked in by now. I think we should call the police." Sophie said, worried about the trio.
"And tell them what? Three of our friends are impersonating IRS agents at a bank?" Nate said, not liking it, but knowing it was the choice he had to make.
"Whitman said, "I took care of them."" Sophie said, worried.
"Parker and I will find the boys and Kaira. You go close Whitman." Nate said, going to leave.
Back in the forest, Eliot told them to wait.
"We've got to get them off our scent." Eliot said, grabbing a plant he recognized, which smelled bad.
"What's that?" Hardison asked.
"Just rub it on you! It's skunkweed." Eliot said, handing some to Hardison to rub on him as Kaira grabbed some and tried not to breathe in the smell, knowing it was what needed done.
Hardison did not like the smell.
"It'll get the dogs off our scent, Hardison! Quit whining." Kaira argued, rubbing it anyway on Hardison.
Hardison still objected, pulling away from Kaira as Eliot rubbed it on Hardison.
"Rub it on your damn body! It'll throw the dogs off." Eliot said, annoyed.
"Mnh-mnh. I can taste the smell in my mouth. It's strong." Hardison argued.
"Just do it!" Kaira exclaimed, also annoyed.
Eliot bent down to grab something, taking a couple of steps forward, and held his hand up.
"Hey. All right. High five. A high five for morale!" Eliot said, getting Hardison to high five him, cutting him, and putting the blood on the tree in a handprint.
"What the hell, man?" Hardison asked, not happy.
"I know what I'm doing!" Eliot argued.
"Gangrene, man! Gangrene! You know what? We wouldn't even be in this mess if you ain't wanted to go fishing! I could have taken you down to mama's fish shack and go you a catfish, two pieces, and a biscuit for $5.99. But instead, you got us out here with trigger happy Joes trying to fish us!" Hardison argued as they kept moving. "And he's all too happy to shoot himself a negro!" Hardison said.
Kaira groaned, not wanting to deal with this conversation anymore.
"Oh, so it's a black thing now? Is that it? They're hunting me and her too, all right!" Eliot said, getting angry.
"Damn skippy, it's a black thing! Who they try to shoot first? Who got punched first? Me! I'm about tired of this redneck-" Hardison argued.
"Damn it, Hardison!" Eliot yelled.
"Damn it, Eliot!" Hardison yelled.
Kaira had enough of the bickering. "Shut the hell up! Both of you! Before I smack you both! Hardison, you were the one they were gonna shoot first cause it's easier to shoot someone down on their knees than someone standing up. So shut the hell up!" Kaira yelled, causing the two to look at Kaira. "Look, Hardison, listen to Eliot about what to do to get out of here." Kaira said, hoping that her outburst worked.
"We've both done this before." Eliot said.
"This, right here? I-In the woods, handcuffed to a man?" Hardison asked as the dogs were heard again.
"Yes, I have, okay? It was easier last time, though." Eliot said.
"Why?" Hardison asked.
"Cause he was already dead." Eliot said. They continued running.
Back at the office, Nate was walking with Parker down a hallway.
"Okay, what do you got?" Nate asked.
"I've got a map - well, part of a map. I don't know what it means. What if Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison have already-" Parker was about to ask when Nate stopped her.
"Let's go in here." Nate said, going into a side office.
"Okay, so Hardison, Eliot, and Kaira, they need us to stay calm, so, uh, show me what you got, and, uh, we'll figure out how to save them." Nate said.
Parker got on her phone to pull up the pictures when static was heard.
"Guys! Eliot, Hardison, Kiddo! Can you hear me?" Nate's voice came over the comms for the first time in forever.
They all stopped. "Nate! Nate, you're breaking up! Woods! 17 miles from the bank." Kaira quickly got out, knowing there wasn't much time. As Kaira guessed, the static was lost.
"Damn it. Can you hear him?" Eliot asked.
"No, man. It's cloud cover. Day like this, we got to bounce our signal off a radio tower." Hardison said.
"How do we do that?" Kaira asked.
"Get a clear view of the sky." Hardison said. He looked at the trees all around them, noticing they were high.
"Okay, so we climb." Kaira said.
They got ready to climb up. They climbed up, rough, but they managed, using the cuffs as a rope to get traction.
Back at the office, Parker set up the projector on her phone to display the photos.
"Okay, here it is." Parker said, going to the picture of the map.
"All right, that's Whitman's militia camp. Uh, it doesn't show where. Now, Kaira said they were 17 miles from the bank. Let's get -" Nate said as Parker booted up the computer, a cat meme popping up, which scared Parker. She loaded up the location of the bank on the computer.
"It's got to be in here somewhere." Nate said as Parker put a 17 miles radius in green around the banks location, represented by a thumbtack.
"From the bank... to here. Right there. It's, uh, same creek, isn't it?" Nate asked.
"Yeah, no paved roads. No people for miles. In the middle of nowhere." Parker said.
Nate agreed with the location. "Nate, hey? Can you hear me?" Hardison came over the comms, a lot of static was heard though.
"Hardison? Are you okay?" Parker asked.
"Can't talk very loud. These militia guys are following us, and they're and I'm pretty sure we pissed them off." Eliot said, sitting beside Kaira as Hardison was on the other side of the tree trunk.
"Listen - now, there are railroad tracks a mile and a half west of the camp. Can you get there?" Nate asked.
"Sure. But what if there's no train?" Hardison asked.
"Well, there will be. We're gonna steal you one." Nate said.
Sophie was in Whitman's office, going through the paper records.
"Your records are very thorough. Very impressive. I do have some questions about the profit-sharing, however." Whitman said.
Sophie turned back in. "Huh? Oh, oh, the, uh, the, uh-" Sophie stumbled. "The nuts and bolts of the operation are really Vics forte." Sophie explained her lack of an answer.
"Where is he? I thought he was coming with you." Whitman said, wondering where Nate was.
"Oh, he's here. He's uh, he's on a conference call." Sophie explained away, chuckling nervously. "Money laundering - it isn't all champagne and helicopters, is it?" Sophie said, buying time.
Parker went back to her desk to put a plan into action. "Okay, Nate. I'm in. Let's go steal a... Whoo! Whoo!" Parker motioned pulling a whistle, chuckling at herself.
"Okay, Parker, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna call your station. You're gonna patch me through to the Department of Transportation. Now, use the company's caller-I.D Spoofing software to make my call look like it's coming from Fitchburg." Nate ordered.
Parker followed the instructions. "Okay. You're on." Parker cued up Nate.
Nate answered the phones and sent a picture to confirm the rock slides.
Sophie got the same idea and Parker spoofed her call and Sophie played the part well, then to seal the deal, Parker did the same, guaranteeing the train got rerouted.
"Okay, Eliot, Kaira, Hardison, a train on the way. It's coming from Pennsylvania. It's a produce train carrying beets." Nate said, hoping the trio heard them.
Sophie walked back into the office. "I'll take that as a good sign." Sophie said.
"Well, like I said, I still have a few questions. But we do see the world the same way. And that counts for something." Whitman said, handing a glass of scotch to Sophie.
Back in the woods, the trio dropped down after climbing down the tree. Eliot fell on his face, causing Kaira to fall on her ass, which caused a growl from both of them.
"God! Come on, man! I hate beets." Eliot said, not happy of the contents. Eliot told them to go, so they ran to the tracks.
Meanwhile, Sophie looked back at Whitman, having talked a deal.
"So? Do we have a deal?" Sophie asked.
"You will have a check by the end of the business day." Whitman said. Sophie raised her glass.
"To the revolution." Sophie toasted.
Whitman toasted back and they took a sip.
"All right, Sophie. Good work. The train is on its way to pick up the boys and Kaira. We're home free." Nate said.
Meanwhile, the trio in the forest arrived at the train tracks, hearing the train whistle blow. They were running up the bank, the tracks right next to them.
"He did it, man! He actually did it! He stole it! How's your train jumping skills, man?" Eliot said, excited they were finally getting out.
"I ain't no hobo, but I can hold my own." Hardison said.
"All right." Kaira said, getting ready when a gun was heard being cocked, and the trio being told to not move. They turned around.
"Put your hands up!" The guy ordered.
The trio held up their hands, which were still handcuffed together. "We would if you hadn't cuffed us together." Kaira retorted, not happy.
Eliot looked at Hardison. "All right, go down." Eliot told Hardison, thinking of what to do.
"Why you always-" Hardison about to say when Kaira cut off, getting the idea.
"Woah, babe, this really the time?" Kaira asked, teasing the idea to make the guy uncomfortable.
"Twist it. Not like that, man! My wife is here." Eliot said, also getting the idea.
"Rephrase that, man." Hardison said, causing an argument between the trio and movement to try and face forward, telling the guy to wait, as he pointed his gun at the trio.
Eliot ducked under Hardison, and Kaira also moved, getting them to face the guy. Eliot told Hardison off for making it hard. Kaira grabbed the gun and aimed it down and kicked his shins, bringing the guy to the ground.
"See, even handcuffed to two people, I can still whoop your ass." Kaira taunted as she threw the disarmed gun.
"Let me tell you something - tell your little boy scout troop their time's up." Eliot said, inching towards the downed goon.
"We get new recruits every day. You can't stop what we have planned. No one can." The guy said.
The trio looked at each other and kicked the guy, knocking him out.
"Come on, man. Let's go." Eliot said, climbing up the bank to the track. Eliot was about to go when Hardison told them to wait.
"What? Hardison, we got to get on this train." Eliot said.
"No, no. W-What'd you smell in that camp?" Hardison asked.
The train was going by, and time was ticking.
"What? I don't-" Eliot said.
"What were you smelling at the camp?" Hardison asked again.
"Look, man, we got to get on this train right now!" Eliot yelled, not wanting to stay much longer.
"Eliot, Kaira, what were you smelling?" Hardison repeated, clear he wanted an answer.
"Fertilizer and molasses. I saw the boxes." Kaira said, wanting to leave.
Hardison was confused.
"You can reduce the molasses down and use it as an oil for a fertilizer bomb, all right? I've seen it in Lebanon. It's better than kerosene." Eliot said.
"Okay, s-so a fertilizer bomb and a van. That's what the little hillbilly was crying about." Hardison pointed out.
"Hardison, we get on this train, and we can loop in the FBI, call in a tip." Kaira said, knowing they didn't have much time to get in the train.
"Eliot, Kaira, was the bomb mixed already? Is-is it stable?" Hardison asked.
"No. They got to use it within 48 hour." Eliot said.
"Okay, guys, we call the FBI. Maybe they make it. Maybe they don't. What happens then? We're watching a building blow up on the news, children, firemen scattered everywhere? Look, man, I say we go back down there, and we stop them." Hardison said.
The couple looked at each other, knowing Hardison had a point. There was no guarantee that the FBI could get there in time. So they stayed and the train went by, without the trio on it.
"I say we whup some hillbilly ass." Hardison said.
Kaira and Eliot looked at Hardison, knowing they were with him.
"We're gonna get bloody on this one." Eliot warned, wanting Hardison to know what was about to happen.
Eliot and Kaira walked down. "Kaira, you grab his walkie-talkie. You get his shoelaces and his belt. I'm getting this." Eliot said, walking to the body and grabbing the hatchet.
"Or.." Kaira said, pulling out the bobby pin in her hair. "We get out of these first." Kaira said, holding up her and Eliot's arm.
"What do you say we lose about 180 pounds each?" Eliot asked.
Hardison liked the idea. "Guess it's a good idea to bring a thief along with ya." Hardison said, glad Kaira thought of her idea.
Kaira went over and picked his cuff, un attaching him from Eliot, and removing the cuffs entirely.
Hardison grabbed his items and Kaira turned to Eliot, ready to pick his.
She put the pin in to pick the cuff. "We survive this... I'm gonna order some pizza and we're gonna move some furniture around, you understand?" Kaira teased quietly, causing a confused look from Eliot, who missed the memo.
"I don't- wait." Eliot said, realizing what Kaira meant, getting that look from Kaira.
Hardison looked over as Kaira took of the cuffs and put them in her pocket. "Ah, hell man, now! Seriously? I get your married, but time and place, you two!" Hardison said, disgusted as Eliot and Kaira chuckled, grabbing the walkie and the belt.
Kaira decided to have a little fun with the militia guys, winding them up a bit so they made a mistake, knowing she couldn't get too cocky. "Hello, whoever the asshole in charge is." Kaira said into the walkie, causing smiles from the boys. "Let me tell you how this is gonna go. You're gonna call your toy soldiers and tell them to back the hell off, and no one has to get hurt." Kaira offered, clear it was the only offer.
"Let me tell you how this is gonna go. I'm gonna send my highly trained guys, and we're gonna find you and track you down. You're trapped." Chester said over comms.
"Well, it seems we have a failure to communicate. Cause see we're not trapped out here with you. You're trapped out here with us." Kaira said, a smirk on her face, knowing these guys were screwed.
The trio left to make a plan.
Meanwhile, Parker was still at her desk. "Nate, we've lost contact with Eliot, Hardison, and Kaira again." Parker said, not knowing Whitman's goon was on to her.
"Ah, they're probably on the train." Nate said.
"All right, but what about Sophie? When's she getting Whitman's check?" Parker asked.
Nate filled her in.
Sophie was finishing up with Whitman as the phone rang.
Whitman excused himself and answered the phone. "I see." Was as Whitman said to case Sophie to perk up. "No. No, I'll take care of things on this end." Whitman said.
Sophie sneakily got out of the room and walked down the hall. "Nate, our cover's blown. The revolution's starting early." Sophie reported.
Parker took the signal and got out of there, going to an elevator. "They're locking the building down. I'm gonna try and stall Owens." Parker said, taking out a bobby pin of her own. "If I can make the elevator think there's a fire, the doors won't open." Parker said, picking the lock for the control box.
"All right. Good, I'll find us a way out." Nate said, leaving the room he was in. "Listen, if Whitman is spooked, he's gonna go for his money. So we have to, uh, we have to get to the bank before he does. Eliot, Hardison, Kiddo, can you hear me? W-Where are you on the train?" Nate said.
The trio was cutting sticks and getting ready to go after these guys. "Yeah, Nate, that didn't happen." Hardison revealed, cutting the stick.
"W-what do you mean it didn't happen? What - you're not on the train?" Nate asked.
"Don't worry." Kaira said, smiling at the idea.
"Guys, y-you're telling me you're gonna go toe to toe with these people without a plan?" Nate asked.
"Oh, we got a plan. It's called C.W.A." Hardison said.
"Can of whup ass." Eliot answered.
"My favorite kind of plan." Kaira said, a calmness now that was kind of scary.
Nate thought, "Of course" as he left the room to meet up with Sophie and Parker to find a new plan. "Sophie, take the stairwell to the first floor. There are too many eyes in the lobby. We're gonna have to use the emergency exit." Nate revealed, walking through the lobby as everyone was leaving.
"On my way." Sophie said, doing what Nate said.
Parker did her thing and tricked the fire system. "Nate, it worked. The elevators are on automatic emergency protocol. They're all headed to the ground floor." Parker revealed.
They met at the elevator. "How are we gonna get out without being seen?" Parker asked Nate. "We can't hack the security system." Parker pointed out, seeing Sophie arrive.
"I was actually thinking of something a little more direct." Nate said, pulling the fire alarm. Nate told the ladies to go as he followed behind and they exited the office, undetected.
Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison were finished up making their plan. Eliot was listening to the chatter on the walkie as Hardison seemed nervous, but Eliot and Kaira were cool.
"You feeling confident?" Eliot asked Hardison.
"Not really." Hardison said, worried.
"Good. Cause overconfidence will kill you faster than a bullet any day. Fear's good." Eliot said, calm.
Kaira remembered Eliot teaching her that.
"Oh, I have fear. And doubt. And really serious regrets. I should be fine." Hardison said.
"All right. Get ready, boys." Kaira said, standing up.
Eliot walked away and Kaira grabbed Hardison's shoulder. "We got this. You're the smartest guy I know, Hardison. And Eliot's the most tactical guy I know. We'll be fine." Kaira comforted Hardison.
They got in position, ready to take out some guys.
Eliot snuck behind someone and knocked him out with a well-placed elbow.
Kaira took a guy out by hanging upside down and choked the guy, using her hand to cover his mouth.
Hardison used himself as bait and used a trap to take a guy out. "Science. It works." Hardison said, knocking the guy out with a stick to the face.
Eliot and Kaira joined up with them.
Just then guys surrounded them, telling them to freeze.
"Don't make any sudden movement." Eliot whispered as once again, guns were cocked on them.
The trio put their hands up and walked away.
They were escorted back to base camp. "Good work, Tommy." Chester said, turning around.
"Where you gonna put the van, Chester? An office building? A preschool? A church?" Hardison questioned.
"A soldier knows there are casualties in every war." Chester said.
"See, that's a difference between a real soldier and this little Halloween outfit you got going on." Eliot said, causing him to get punched in the face. "You'd kill to protect your right." Eliot said, recovering quickly from the punch.
Kaira knew the rest. "A real soldier would die protecting someone else's." Kaira said, getting heated as Chester had a guy cock his gun on them.
"Yeah, come on." Eliot taunted.
Hardison told them to wait. "I never did get that cigarette." Hardison said.
"Kill them." Chester ordered.
"You know what? I think I did see your cigarette." Kaira said, not caring about the guns pointed at her.
"Do you?" Hardison asked.
"I think I saw it right over there." Eliot said, pointing to the propane tanks, which had a lit cigarette on the valve.
The tank exploded, sending everyone backwards.
Meanwhile, Parker switched out Whitmand's briefcase at the bank.
Nate watched him leave in his Hummer. "Whitman's gone." Nate reported.
Eliot, Kaira, and Parker were recovering from the explosion, grunting as they sat up. "Babe? Hardison? You okay?" Kaira asked, grunting as she got up.
"Yeah." Eliot said.
They helped each other up as they looked at the chaos that was in front of them.
Hardison laughed, and put his hand up. "High five. For morale." Hardison said, high fiving with Eliot and Kaira.
Just then, the yellow Hummer was seen pulling up. Eliot told them to go as they hid behind a log.
Just then, the militia guys came too, with Whitman pissed.
Just then, Nate came behind them, almost getting punched by Kaira. "Sorry." Kaira said, glad to see Nate.
"Listen, next time I steal you a train, get on it." Nate said.
"Look, man, you're not gonna rain on my parade today, Nate. I made a bomb out of a menthol light." Hardison said.
Kaira remembered Hardison asking for the cigarette, and pocketing it and the match.
Eliot and Kaira smiled, realizing how impressive it was.
"You got a radio?" Nate asked.
Eliot handed him the radio he took from the guy. "What frequency are they on?" Nate asked.
"Seven seven two." Eliot said.
Nate adjusted the settings. "All units move in. We have a GPS location of the camp. ATF airborne is incoming." Nate said. stirring the pot. "Be advised, be advised. We have a cooperating witness on the site. Apprehend, but do not injure High Whitman." Nate said.
Let's just say Chester was not happy. Then the money Whitman had was revealed to actually be documents.
Earlier, Parker drove them to the bank, going at 140, and Sophie was not happy. When Whitman was fumbling with his keys, Parker switched his briefcase.
Chester pointed a gun at Whitman, saying they were gonna go to the bank to get the money. So, they did.
They all moved away to leave. "Hey, you know, I'm starting to enjoy the outdoors." Hardison said.
Eliot noticed Nate wasn't doing much to stop them.
"Hey, are you seriously gonna let them get away with this?" Eliot asked.
"Eliot, I stole you a train. Have a little faith." Nate said.
Kaira smiled.
That was when Sophie and Parker intercepted Chester and Whitman in the bank, acting as FBI with the real FBI at the bank.
Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison watched as the militiamen were all arrested, staring down Chester.
Sophie and Parker walked out of the bank.
They drove back to the bar, and Eliot and Kaira were getting a shower, seeing as they were dirty.
Hardison was at his apartment, cleaning himself up.
Kaira and Eliot were in together, kissing as the warm water fell around them, washing the dirt and soot on their faces. Kaira chuckled. "Well. We did survive." Kaira said, flirting slightly as she smiled.
"Yes we did." Eliot said, not getting the idea.
"So, wanna order pizza and move some furniture around?" Kaira asked, teasing Eliot.
"Hell yeah." Eliot said. Eliot quickly turned the water off and grabbed Kaira's head, pulling it towards him as they danced out of the shower. They let go to grab towels and dry off. They exited the bathroom, and grabbed each other again, grabbing their heads and pulling their lips together, their fingers running through their damp hair.
Just then Hardison's voice came through the door. "Eliot, I got something to show you!" Hardison called out.
Eliot and Kaira chuckled, knowing while the time was very pleasant, they had to cut it short.
"In a second." Eliot called out.
"What are you even doing in there?" Hardison asked, hearing the past few minutes of the couples make out session.
"Moving furniture around." Kaira called out, giggling, knowing Hardison got the idea.
"Come on, man!" Hardison yelled out, causing Kaira to burst out laughing as the couple went to get changed into clean clothes, throwing each others outfits to the other, giggling at Hardison's outburst of discomfort.
Nate, Sophie, and Parker gave the money back to the client and offered her the part-time job of finding the other names on the list of people who had their money stolen from Whitman.
Kaira walked into the living room of Nate's apartment with the pizza she had ordered when Eliot left. She set the box down on the table behind them, as the boys were indeed fishing, virtually, using fake reels with sensors attached. Kaira smiled, knowing it wasn't the same, which Eliot pointed out.
"You're right. It's better." Hardison said, happy.
Kaira watched her boys play, and they just ate pizza and fished, at least until Eliot got annoyed and quit. Kaira and Eliot moved some more furniture around that night, glad that they both made it out of this one, and not taking another moment for granted.