Chapter 5
My Future Does Not End Here
A/N: So we have an extremely long chapter, one that is over 13,000 words! I considered splitting this into two separate chapters, but I wanted these specific events to occur together. So, tada! A freakishly long chapter to read and enjoy.
If there are any mistakes, please forgive me. My husband and I have been in and out of the vet for the past few days for my puppy (I mean, she's almost ten years old, but in my eyes, she's still a puppy). She has been on my mind so it's been difficult to focus, but I did what I could. If there is something that's really bad, please let me know and I will correct that error.
Thank you!
Disclaimer: Attack on Titan does not belong to me. I own Emalina and any other OC's.
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Emalina
"Alright you maggots! As you are all aware, the last several days we've been testing you on the knowledge you have learned throughout the past year. Today will be the final day for the end of year exams, focusing on your ODM gear. Last night you were placed into groups of three; form your groups and stand next to your assigned post!"
Smiling at my side, I was already in my group, which, luckily, consisted of my best friends Jean and Marco; Sasha and I were upset that we weren't together as well, but told each other we would celebrate once the exam was over. We all nodded in each other's direction as we headed towards the edge of the forest and located our starting point, as it was indicated with the number six. We stood idly by and spoke about the exam we were about to partake in. Glancing down at the ODM gear placed upon my hips, I lightly tapped the gas tanks with my knuckles to ensure they were attached correctly and filled to the brim. Content with the tightness of my straps, I crossed my arms and watched my male friends converse as we waited for our Commander's orders.
Over the last few days, Shadis and the other officials committed to training the new cadets had tested all of the individuals on numerous topics, such as our combat skills, critical thinking, the assemble and disassemble of our equipment. Finally, today would be the last exam on our ODM gear, as our skills were being assessed individually and within a group. The purpose was to use the skills we had learned to evade the titans, but to reach our destination safely as a team.
I remember Shadis explaining this particular exam to me when I assisted with the previous Cadet Corps. The test we were about to undertake wasn't focused on using our skills to kill the titans – or, titan dummies that is – as that would come at a later time during our training, but to work together to arrive safely. We were to prove our intuition, our leadership, but most importantly, the choices we made when encountering anything when we were on our own.
We would learn to kill the titans, but first we had to learn to survive.
Smiling up at my friends, as both were taller than me, I asked, "You two ready? Once this is over Shadis said he's giving us a break from training!"
"That's what I'm talking about. I can't wait to sleep in!" Jean stated, eyes lit, hoping this exam would be over before long.
At our sides, Marco chuckled at his friend's bluntness. "I will admit, a day off sounds really relaxing. We should all head to the lake and go swimming! Summer's right around the corner, and you know what that means."
"Endless heat," Jean muttered.
"Sticky clothes," is how I answered. "God, the heat and these jackets don't mix."
"Agreed," Jean and Marco mumbled together. We all laughed and waited patiently for the exam to begin. I looked around the forest edge and saw the two groups on either side of ours. I found it interesting the three of us worked grouped together, as I assumed Shadis would've put together individuals who didn't coheres on a daily basis.
"Well what do we have here?" Turning my head, I frowned when I noticed the three girls who had been harassing me for the past few months. Down the line I'd probably learned their names, but I didn't want to remember. Since the day they called me a whore behind the male dorms they had done nothing but call me names, both when I was alone and around the rest of the cadets. Bitch was my name to them and overtime, I ignored their noise; it wasn't worth the fight. I didn't want to exchange words as I had nothing to say.
Marco and Jean, on the other hand, wouldn't let them anywhere near me. I'd heard it before that I was making the two males fight my battles, but I considered it endearing that they would stand up for me. There wasn't a battle to fight, my friends were doing what they thought was right.
"Hmm, I see Jean, Marco and…ah! There's the little bitch!" the leader said, her friends laughing at her side.
Stepping in front of me so I couldn't see them, Jean growled, "Get the fuck outa here before I make you."
"Oh, like I'm so scared!" she squealed.
"Please leave," Marco stated firmly, being the individual who could remain calm with his wording. "You're in a different section then us, so unless you want me to call Shadis, head to your own station and leave Emalina alone."
"Tch," the female spat. "Of course you'd protect her. I'm surprised you haven't grown tired of her keeping her legs open, seeing how she continues to screw the Commander to get what she wants."
Brushing passed Jean's shoulder, I stood face-to-face with this girl and growled. Having had enough, my chest swelled and my heartrate increased. "Watch what you say. If the Commander gives me anything I want, I could make you titan fodder." Jean and Marco snickered at my side, knowing I was playing along with their threats, but my bully wasn't amused. "With the pathetic amount of muscle on your body, we could easily throw you over Wall Rose."
"You think you're so funny, don't you?"
"Well I'm not afraid of you, if that's what you mean."
My statement caused her to laugh as she leaned into close proximity of my face. "You may think you're so smart, but I've got you beat, just you wait." Knocking her fist against my fan mechanism held in place against my lower spine, she smirked as the metal reverberated. "Good luck on the exam, bitch. Can't wait to see your face afterwards." Walking off towards her station with the dogs following on her heels, I watched her back, gritting my teeth as my fists tightened at my side. Exhaling a shaky breath, I relaxed my fingers, knowing it was pointless to bottle the anger I held towards those girls.
At my side, Jean and Marco turned towards me and smiled, but before they could say anything, I said, "Once again, I owe you two thanks. She'll never leave me alone."
Resting his arm upon my shoulder, Jean leaned into my body, forcing me to keep his balance. "As long as you keep messing with her like that, she'll know you won't back down."
"That was a nice comeback though," Marco pointed out.
"If she's gonna keep saying I'm screwing Shadis, I might as well have fun with it, right?"
"Just make sure we're both there, alright?" Jean looked down and I smiled in response. As Marco opened his mouth to add something, our heads turned in the direction of Shadis' voice. Knowing the exam was about to being, we locked our hands behind our backs, waiting for the proper time to begin.
"Listen up!" Shadis called from behind us. The rest of the groups were placed twenty feet within each other as they spanned the edge of the forest. "Your instructions were provided last night, so I won't sit here and play with my thumbs to explain everything all over again. You have no more than one hour to reach your groups position on the other side of the forest, but remember, you can only finish when you and your group members are placed in the position with the number that was assigned to you. Are there any questions?"
All groups looked around towards each other as Jean, Marco and myself all shared a glance. We were ready for this and had spent most of our free time the night before discussing our strategies. We had no fear that we weren't going to pass.
"Your one hour starts now. BEGIN!"
On cue, each group burst through their entry into the woods, the clinging of metal as all ODM gear was pushed into use. Using the handheld devices, I lurched forward as my wires connected into the closest tree, lunging my body onward as I soared within the air. Through my peripherals, I could see Jean and Marco follow, as they grew airborne, the three of us falling into line. We agreed to be silent once the exam started, using our hearing as a tool to listen, so for about ten minutes, neither one of us said a word as we glided through the air, the skills we gained through our ODM training maneuvered us around trees before we all landed on a thick branch.
We all stood on the branch, glancing around the forest to see other groups or any "titans" we were to avoid. At my side, Jean huffed. "How is this a hard test if we're not mean to attack the titans?"
"You heard Shadis last night, Jean," Marco answered.
"But why test us later and not now?" the boy muttered, looking in my direction, knowing I would eventually explain it to him.
The adorable expression he wore caused me to laugh. "Jean, we will be tested on that, but later. For now, they are wanting to see the skills we've obtained since we started our military training. Think about it, will we always be able to kill a titan? No, most of the time we will have to run for our lives."
Grinning to his ears, Jean wrapped an arm around Marco, laughing as he whispered wickedly, "Don't know why I'm complaining! Marco and I are headed to the Interior once we graduate!"
Hearing his words, the grin I wore wavered slightly. I'd known since day one Jean Kirschtein's goal was to reach the Top Ten and join the Military Police within the Interior. The male had made it known to the other cadets what his plan was, and there were some people who resented his idealistic beliefs. My issue? He was leaving, and I didn't want my best friend to go.
Swallowing whatever was suffocating me, I shook the uneasiness from my shoulders, hands tightly gripping my ODM handheld devices. "Alright boys, we've been idle long enough, we need to get to the other side of the forest and complete this test."
"I agree," Marco answered. "Besides, aren't we also being graded on our time and what place we finish it."
"Aw hell. We're being graded on everything excepting the strength of our blades." Jean was still complaining, but I could understand why. We were soldiers-in-training, and although it was true he and Marco were wanting to join the MP's, they still needed to learn how to properly, and effectively, murder the monsters we call titans. "Well, no time to sit. Let's go!"
Jumping from our spot, we coursed through the air, dodging our way around trees and various traps the commanding team had arranged specifically for today. There were titan wooden figures of various sizes, most on the ground while some were climbing on trees; branches that would swing towards your body, meant to knock you off course; and there were buckets throughout the forest filled with mud or water. This was supposed to test us for any and everything, to see how we would manage if this was our reality and were struggling to breath the next day while running from a carnivorous ten-meter monster.
Glancing upwards, the sun leaked through the treetops, and judging by the shadows, I estimated to the boys that it had been almost thirty minutes – meaning we were already halfway through the exam. Although the teams were scattered throughout the forest, Jean, Marco and I were lucky enough that we had come to recognize the layout of this land over the past year, which proved to work in our favor. Sadly, the offices in charge to train our hides were smarter and more cunning, as we had run into several titans and buckets of various liquids. Marco's lower half was completely soaked, half of my side was covered in mud, and Jean would've been the only one clean at this moment in time if I hadn't smudged his perfect face with a muddy handprint, which was now caked dry.
The first titan to catch us off guard was quickly evaded, and the others we had seen from a fair distance and change our course of direction to go around the large wooden frame. By the time we encountered titan number two, I could feel a faint rumbling against my back, my hand reaching towards the gas-powered mechanism to see if any wires and straps were loose. Confirming everything was still in place, I let go and continued moving forward.
Advancing further into the forest and to the opposite side, we noticed the traps increased n frequency, while some were only operated we one of us broke through an invisible wire. I knew we were doing well on our time and wasn't worried we wouldn't finish; I knew I would graduate regardless of my scores – though I obviously still wanted to do as well as I could.
My thoughts were interrupted when the rumbling from my ODM gear was growing louder, the metal gear beginning to shake as my wires released from the previous trunk and were inserted into ones directly in front of my flying form. As my wires struck the thick trunks, the fan operating the gas mechanism quickly accelerated to an unimaginable rate. My hand once again twisted around my back but shot away as the metal was burning; I knew my gear was overheating and fast. Curling my finger against the mechanisms in my handheld to release the wires, I was beat as one of the metal hooks unclenched from its position, the sudden loss of momentum caused me to drop and swing within the air.
"Emalina?!" I could hear Jean and Marco yell my name but it fell on deafening ears. Pressing as fast as possible, the mechanisms on my handheld were jammed, the wire that fell was not responding, and as I went to release the secondary wire, I thus realized both hand grips were busted.
If it wasn't for the thick, wooden trunk I was about to crash into, I might have laughed at my current situation.
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Jean
The fast movement of our gliding came to a halt.
Having been positioned between Marco and myself, Emalina could be seen within my peripherals at all times. As we moved, I could see her fidget and readjust sections of her ODM gear, causing me to worry, but each time she regained focus, I let the tension go. It wasn't over though, as one minute she's right by my side, the next, she's gracefully falling towards her death. Flying in a frozen stance, I could do nothing but yell "Emalina?!" as Marco followed my gaze.
Her panic was rising as I could see the width of her eyes grow, her fingers working both handheld grips, neither wire would release or burst forward to restore her balance.
And she fell.
My course of action changed, releasing both wires and accelerating my gas to thrust me in her direction. One of her wires remained intact against the tree, but the force of her fall was causing Emalina to swing in the direction of the trunk; it was only a matter of time before there would be a disastrous impact. Marco was behind me, yet my finger wouldn't release the pressure of my gas, extending every ounce within both tanks. I needed to reach Emalina before she could sustain any injuries, or worse. It had happened all too soon, and within the snap of several seconds; the lapse of time ceased to exist, though it seemed my ability to reach my friend was nigh impossible as she continued to drop.
I couldn't contain the screech in my voice as I yelled Emalina's name upon impact; her blood curling scream seeped into my bones, chilling me to the very core.
With the one wire still attached, it seemed Emalina was thrown against the thick bark of the tree trunk, the fracture of her bones resonated across the forest. Blood began seeping through her military jacket, her unconscious form fell limp as it was being gently dangled, swaying ever so softly, but the moment I was close enough to reach out and grab for her hand, the wire snapped, dropping the girl to her death. A howl of anger and rage burst through my clenched teeth as I raced after her. Emalina was being cradled by gravity, and at this point, there was nothing keeping her safe from death. If I didn't reach her before she met the ground, my best friend would die.
Marco's howls behind me proved he was just as fearful, the bursts of gas from our tanks didn't seem to be enough to rescue the girl we were close to. As the ground steadily grew within our sight, my face was snagged on several branches, but I ignored the stinging and extended my hand. Our fingers slid against each other before I was able to fully grasp her hand, pulling Emalina towards my chest, holding her tight; but we were still being pulled by gravity to our graves. With one hand, I activated one wire, pulling us towards the closest trunk, trying to reduce our speed so I could land somewhat decently to inspect her wounds.
When the ground was within range to land on my feet, I released the wire and dropped the remaining meters; my anticipation to land smoothly was gravely proven incorrect as my footing slipped on several rocks. Emalina and I flew against the ground, rolling apart from each other. Whereas my body came to a somewhat smooth halt, my friend landed with a substantial thud, her seemingly lifeless form completely still face down against the debris.
Jumping to my feet, my legs were shaky as I hurried towards Emalina who still had not moved. Marco landed on the ground beside me, both knelt to our knees, hands reached forward, but quickly retracted, unsure how to proceed. We didn't know the extent of any injuries and didn't want to cause any further pain, but I sucked in my breath knowing what I had to do. Holding my hand in front of her mouth, Emalina was still breathing, causing my own unsteady breath to be released from my tightened lips.
"Marco, we need to remove her ODM gear."
"Yes," he agreed, eyes bouncing back and forth over her lithe form, looking to see if there was any external damage. Nimble fingers quickly removed her gear before our hands gently rolled Emalina from her stomach to her back, eyes slightly open. I had to remember to slow my breathing; the uncontrollable heartache was seeping forth.
In that moment, all I wanted to do was to cry.
My closest female friend lay before me, having nearly fell to her death when her gear seemed to malfunction. The depths of my being were howling, knowing the equipment failure seemed uncanny. More importantly, my heartbeat had increased, yet I ignored the feeling, brushing it off as adrenaline. Nevertheless, I knew it was something deeper as I stared at Emalina's seemingly peaceful composure.
Checking her pulse and discovering it was steady, I relayed this information to Marco who couldn't do anything but shake his head. Glancing down at her jacket, he noticed her right sleeve was drenched in blood, seeping through the material and onto the ground. "Jean, she's hurt, we need to get Shadis."
"I know, but we can't just leave her."
"I'll stay, you need to go finish the exam for us and get him."
"…please don't leave me…" Our eyes sought Emalina's, who glanced between Marco and myself. "We'll fail the test if we stay here…" her voice was a whisper as her body twitched in pain.
"That's not important right now," I replied, moving sweaty strands of hair from her face. She was covered in scratches and black bruises were already forming across any visible skin. "I need you to tell me what hurts. Where were you hit?"
"My…my side, but my a-arm hurts the most…!" Pushing against the ground in an attempt to push herself up, Emalina screamed and fell back against the ground, but Marco grasped her shoulders and pulled her close to his chest.
"Don't push yourself Ema!"
Touching her shoulder, Emalina's eyes watched my movement as I delicately prodded my fingers along her left arm. Once I touched the ulna bone, she shrank from my touch, biting her lip with enough pressure to split the skin, blood pooling down her lip onto her dark blue shirt. Wincing in reflection of her pain, I calmly said, "Alright, looks like your arm is broken. I won't touch your ribs, but how do they feel?"
"Sore, but…not like my arm."
Sighing, I looked up at Marco, who seemed to understand what I was thinking. "Ema," my friend said. "What are you wanting us to do?"
"Take me with you…we started this as a team and we'll f-finish as a team…" Suddenly rasping, she covered her mouth, blood seeping through her fingers, covering her hand as she pulled away. "That's not good," she whispered.
"Shit…yeah, that's definitely not good. We need to get going."
Emalina could only smile despite her condition. It was so beautiful, as I wanted to smile in return. "Consider this part of the training."
I couldn't stop myself from gritting my teeth, not necessarily at her statement, but more at the situation at hand. Marco's voice interrupted my thoughts as he devised a plan on what we should do next "Jean, you take Emalina, I'll grab her gear."
Relaxing my features, my head nodded in response. "We make no stops. We're almost to the other side of the forest, but we need to get her to the Medical Wing." Crouching by Marco, I ever-so-gently positioned my friend into my arms, one behind her back, the other underneath her legs. It took several moments before Emalina stated she was ok, and after Marco grabbed her equipment, we were off.
If I had to be honest with myself, I'd thought, on numerous times, about using the ODM gear whilst carrying Emalina in my arms, holding her close against my chest; the woman had been on my mind almost nonstop over the past year. Besides Marco, she was the first person I was with in the morning, and usually the last person at night before curfew. Looking down at her face caused confusion within my own mind, as she was the only other cadet, besides Marco of course, who believed in what I was achieving and the reasons why. After one year, the woman could see straight through me, more than most individuals I was raised with back in Trost. Her beauty was echoing within my heart, calling me forward; but something was also holding me back.
Mikasa Ackerman.
The black-haired beauty who was wrapped around the finger of my adversary. I'd noticed her the night of initiation, the same night I met Emalina. I was enthralled by the person Mikasa was, yet the more I glanced by this past year, what was I enthralled by? Why was I putting Mikasa on a pedestal, though Emalina was the one I wanted by my side?
Groaning, my eyes shut, but they were quickly opened when she called my name. "Jean…? Are you ok?"
"Am I ok? No, no don't ask me that. Are you alright?"
"I…I'm in pain." Turning her head into my chest, she peered up into my eyes, and I had to force myself to divert my gaze from her glistening orbs.
"Don't worry, Marco and I are doing everything we can to get you to Shadis and then to the Medical Wing. We will not leave your side."
Her voice grew quiet, curling into my chest as Marco and I raced through the rest of the course. Luckily, it didn't take us long before the gleaming sun poked through our frontal vision. Pushing our equipment as hard as we could, Marco and I burst through the forest opening, clear into the meadow we were assigned to meet our Commander. Dropping to our feet, I could hear the murmur of the other cadets chatting away as they were all supposed to wait until each team was finished with their exam. Heads turned in our direction, some gasping, others moving forward to see what was wrong with their comrade.
"Commander!" I immediately began yelling as I stood on unstable legs.
"Commander Shadis!" Marco yelled as well, our combined voices resonating across the open meadow. All heads were now staring in our direction as we pushed through the forming crowd. The man in question nudged cadets away as he moved in our direction, his face contorted in an annoyed expression upon seeing us.
"What in the hell do you maggots want?!" As he assessed the situation, Shadis grasped what had happened and gestured for me to lay Emalina on the ground. Doing so, she grunted in pain as she looked at the Commander. "What has happened here?"
Not wanting to speak, I glanced down, staring at Emalina who solely looked up at me; from behind, Marco filled in my voice, placing her equipment down by our Commander's feet. "We were making our way through the exam, sir, when her ODM gear suddenly stopped working. One of her wires broke from a tree and she was swung by the other wire straight into another. If it wasn't for Jean, sir, Emalina would have died." For those who could hear, the cadets surrounding our position instantly began to gossip, spreading word to the others what they heard.
"Emalina's injured?"
"They said she almost died?!"
"What on earth could have happened?"
Commander Shadis ignored the voices surrounding us as he spoke to Emalina. "Varlen, is what Marco said true?"
"Yes, sir…" She coughed once more, blood spilled onto her hand as she winced and grabbed her broken arm.
Sighing, Shadis called for several of his assistants just as Sasha burst through the crowd towards her friend. "EMALINA!" Trying to reach her friend, Marco refrained Potato Girl from being too close, who continued to cry the name of her best friend. Emalina turned towards Sasha and offered her a weak smile, but the girl could do nothing but allow tears to fall, as she noticed the extent of the injuries.
With two assistants at his side, Shadis ordered, "Silas, take Cadet Varlen to the Medical Wing at once, and report to me what the medic says."
"Yes sir!" Taking the girl into his arms, Jean stood with the soldier, but before they could leave, Emalina's voice rang out.
"Jean…" her eyes pleading with him to stay.
"Ema…I'll come see you as quick as I can. I promise!" Though she didn't understand, she nodded her eyes before closing, allowing Silas to return from the path they were just on towards the Medical Wing.
"Frederick, take Cadet Varlen's ODM gear to my office and exam the equipment for what may have caused the malfunctions. I will meet you there as soon as I have closed the exam for the rest of the cadets." Frederick nodded, grabbed the gear at Marco's feet and followed Silas' path towards the training grounds. Staring in our direction, Shadis grunted not quite sure what to make of the situation. "Kirschtein, Bodt."
"Sir?" We both replied meekly, and some would've called on disrespect, but our minds were elsewhere, as we wanted to be by Emalina's side. If our Commander wanted to reprimand us, he didn't say a word.
"After I have spoken with the trainees, you are to follow me back to my office. I want to speak more on the matter." I opened my mouth to speak, but that's where he drew the line. "Kirschtein you can go see Varlen when we are done talking. But until then, be the soldiers that you are and put this in the back of your mind. Consider this the field and do what you must at hand."
Nodding, Shadis stood and called the trainees to attention, though most were still murmuring, wanting to know more about why their comrade was injured. Speaking on the exam, my head was busy recalling the scenario. Her gear had been working, as we practiced last night and she was having no issues nor any complaints about the equipment being faulty. The ordeal was bothersome but there was something on the tip of my tongue that I couldn't recollect. Moving my gaze across the crowd, I assessed that we were the last team to arrive, but Emalina's injuries were on the forefront of my mind, not whether I passed an exam on a skill I was already excelling in.
Moving my eyes back and forth, they stopped on a face I hadn't seen since before the exam began – it was the three girls who had been harassing Emalina for the past few months. Their leader noticed my eye contact and raised an eyebrow in question. And that's when it hit me.
"You may think you're so smart, but I've got you beat, just you wait."
"Good luck on the exam, bitch. Can't wait to see your face afterwards."
It's her!
Trying to grab Marco's attention, the others around us were moving, all heading back to the training grounds when our names were called by the Commander. Following his lead, we made our way through the forest and straight for his office, to which we found his assistant Frederick glancing at the ODM gear he had taken apart, moving different pieces to acknowledge the problem. Upon hearing our entrance, he nodded to Shadis before resuming his work.
"What's the judgement?"
"These, sir." Holding his hand out, Fredrick dropped several small rocks into the Commander's hand, who closely inspected each one. "I discovered these in the fan compartment, causing the fans to be blocked from movement. Also," walking down the length of the table, the soldier grabbed one of the handhelds. "The finger mechanisms to trigger the wire were cut into, but not completely severed. It's the same for both, sir."
Taking the device into his hand, Shadis inspected the contraption with his own eyes to confirm what his subordinate stated. Turning in our direction, the Commander handed it to Marco before passing to me, to which I confirmed the statement as well. "What the actual fuck is that?!" I whispered through gritted teeth. Marco, though just as disturbed as myself, elbowed me in the side as we were still in the presence of our superiors.
"No, I agree with Kirschtein." Shadis grabbed the device and placed it back onto the table. "What the actual fuck is this, Frederick?"
The soldier sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "To be honest, I don't have an answer. If this was caused naturally I've never seen, or heard, of anything like this occurring. I don't even think it's possible."
"Am I to assume what you are suggesting, Frederick?"
"Sir…I think Cadet Varlen's equipment was purposely tampered with. Nothing else adds up to the cause for the malfunction."
That was when both superiors turned in our direction as we stiffened our backs. "Kirschtein, Bodt, explain in detail exactly what happened during the exam." We did, Marco adding details he witnessed when I was falling to catch Emalina before she fell directly to the ground. The image of her falling straight from her position burned the inside of my eyes as I couldn't erase what I saw. When we were finished, Shadis claimed his chair, fisting his hands upon his desk. "Let me ask a different question: has anyone within this group been causing harm to Cadet Varlen?"
"Yes," was the immediate response from my open mouth. Raising an eyebrow, our Commander pushed me to continue, and so I relayed the different incidents over the past year regarding Emalina and the female who wanted to torture her. It didn't take long to finish as I noticed Fredrick and Shadis share a look of concern.
"And this has been going on for some time, yes?"
"Yes sir. But…there's something else Jean hasn't mentioned, but I think we're still in shock over the situation," Marco added. "Before the exam started, the three of us were in our position when the three girls stopped and began bullying her. They, said some things and then left, but…I swear they did something else…"
"Wait!" Though I had remembered their words, going through the details pushed my memory into full motion. "As she said her last words, she knocked her fingers against Emalina's fan then walked off."
"But we were right there, Jean! Could she have really placed the rocks inside at that moment?" Marco asked.
Standing to his feet, Shadis waved his hand to quiet our voices. "I think we have all that we need. I won't sugarcoat this, Kirschtein, Bodt, but this is a dangerous situation we have at our hands. Here are my orders for you two: you are to remain by Cadet Varlen's side whilst she resides within the Medical Wing. Report to either me or Frederick if you notice anything suspicious."
"Sir…?" Marco questioned.
"If her equipment was tampered with purposely, we are to assume the reasoning behind these actions was to either permanently end Varlen's career as a soldier, or to end her."
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Emalina
I could hear people all around me; some were moving, some were talking, but everything seemed muffled. My hearing strained to understand where I was and why I couldn't make sense of my surroundings. Each time I attempted to move my limbs, they erupted in a scorching wave of unbearable agony. The pain continued for what seemed like hours upon hours, and when I was finally opened to open my eyes, all I saw was blurred colors as shapes were nonexistent. In the background, the individuals I heard speaking grew louder until my attention turned in its direction.
"…ina? …alina? …Emalina?"
Blinking, I pushed to keep my eyes open and struggled, but after numerous efforts, they were finally open, and before me was three different people standing over my position, their voices filling my head. The longer I held my eyes open, the better my focus was grasping, and finally I was able to see my three best friends.
Jean, Marco and Sasha.
They were staring at me, their voices still asking how I was feeling, if could I speak and if I needed anything. My mouth opened to find it unbelievably parched to which a glass of water was placed in front of my face by Sasha. Realizing I was on my back, Marco gently wrapped an arm around my shoulder and tilted me forward at the waist until I was sitting straight up. One arm was in a sling against my chest, but the other was weak even as I raised to grasped the water on my own. Sasha scooted forward and held the water towards my mouth so I could drink, and then I realized Jean had stood from his seat and left the room.
As my parched throat desired water, I ignored Jean leaving for the moment as the cool liquid trickled down my throat, spilling over my cheeks and onto my neck. Sasha pulled back, knowing I shouldn't devour the entire cup and I whimpered as she removed the cup from my lips. At that moment, a door on the opposite side of the room opened to which, I assumed, was the current medic on staff, who walked in my direction, with Jean following behind. The medic approached my bed as both Sasha and Marco moved respectfully out of the way. "Emalina Varlen," the male medic said. "It is good to see you awake. How're you feeling?"
Smiling, my voice was a little hoarse, but I said, "Pretty hungry," which earned a laugh from the medic and my friends.
"Yes, I could understand why. You can eat, but first, I have a few questions. Do you remember what happened? Do you know where you are?" I shook my head, eyes searching all around me, not knowing what was going on. "You're in the Medical Wing, and you've been here since yesterday afternoon.
My eyes grew wide, in disbelief that the medic was stating I'd been slipping for almost twenty-four hours. Glancing between my friends, I landed on Jean who nodded yes to confirm what I'd heard. Finding my voice, I struggled to find an answer. "I…I remember our exams and I remember the last one for our ODM gear. Shadis was yelling out our instructions, Jean, Marco and I were grouped together, we had one hour…wait." My male friends looked at one another before stepping closer. "My gear…it malfunctioned, didn't it?"
"Emalina…" Jean stood on the opposite side of my bed, taking in a seat in a chair. "Your gear did malfunction, and you were in a serious accident."
"You suffered some injuries, but if it weren't for Jean, you probably wouldn't be alive," Marco added. His words echoed through my ears until I heard a sob escape Sasha as she squeezed past the males, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me in for a hug.
"Sasha!" Jean yelled.
"Emalina! I'm so glad you ok! I was so scared you weren't going to wake up!" I smiled at my best friend, wishing I could return the affection, but I was physically exhausted.
"That doctor told you she was going to wake up Sasha. She wasn't going to die," Marco said, trying to withheld a chuckle from his lips.
"I'm so glad you were here by my side, Sasha, but I…I really need you to let go of my waist!" Letting go immediately, my chest heaved as I inhaled several deep breaths, my ribs were throbbing and I asked my doctor what injuries I was inflicted with.
Sighing as he stood, the medic grabbed the clipboard at the end of my bed and flipped through different pages. "You are very lucky, Emalina. I've seen cadets and soldiers who have suffered falls very similar to yours but have returned in worse conditions. With that said, you have contusions across your body, especially the left side of your ribs, which is the side, I was told, where you were swung into the tree. The ulna bone in your left arm is also broken in two spots, you will need to have this cast for several weeks, possibly a few months. Your right arm was sliced which took several stitches to close. Other than scratches and other bruises, you are in a healthy condition."
"This is a healthy condition?" Jena asked, glancing at her different injuries.
"Considering I didn't lose a leg or wasn't eaten, yes, this is very healthy in regards to injuries soldiers can acquire." Everyone looked in my direction as the medic replaced my paperwork.
"All your vitals are in good condition and there was no damage to your head or skull. You are to stay here for one more night, and if everything is still positive tomorrow, you will be able to move back into your dorm. Sasha, you stated you're her bunk mate?"
"Y-Yes sir!"
"Good. Once she is released, I want you to keep an eye on her while in the dorm, but," Looking between Jean and Marco, he added, "I would ask for the both of you to watch her as well, and to come find me if she needs assistance. Alright?"
"Yes sir!" The three said in unison.
"Thank you. Now, I must speak with Commander Shadis and inform him of your condition. Please remain with Emalina and I will be right back. I will bring you some lunch when I return." I told the man thank you as the medic left. Sasha took the chance and crawled onto the bed next to me as my head fell upon her shoulder.
"Ema, are you alright?"
"I'm still tired and very hungry."
"You had us all worried! The other cadets are worried as well!" Marco sat on the mattress at the end of the bed, curling one leg up as he stared at my face. But was he staring at my face or my injuries? Suddenly growing conscious, I touched my cheek, and as the doctor said, my left side was more tender than my right. Understandably so, but I still felt physically exhausted.
But then, a sudden thought ravaged my mind and I couldn't stop myself from blurting, "Wait, what about our exam? Did Shadis fail us?!"
Grasping my hand, Jean lifted the corner of his lips. "It's alright, Emalina. No, we didn't fail, we finished the test within the hour as instructed. Shadis was actually impressed with us on how we handled the situation."
"Oh my…" Lifting my head, all three of my friends were staring at me, and suddenly, I couldn't sustain my calm façade any longer. My tears slowly fell from my eyes as I curled into myself. Sasha held her arms around me, softly rocking me back and forth while Jean and Marco waited off in the distance. "I'm sorry I put you through that…"
Tightening his grasp around my hand, Jean firmly stated, "Do not be sorry, Ema. This wasn't your fault." Looking at Marco, Jean asked his male friend, "Should we tell her? Or should we wait for Shadis?"
"We will explain everything, cadets." Across the room stood Commander Shadis and two members from the Scout Regiment. My friends quickly rose to their feet and saluted their superiors, whereas I nodded my head, unable to move my arms. "I do apologize for the intrusion, but we need to speak with Cadet Varlen privately."
"Can we visit her later, Commander?"
Nodding as he acknowledged the three wanted to be by their friend's side, Shadis said, "Yes, I will allow some time after dinner, thus your curfew has been extended. I will let you know when we are finished." Taking one last look in my direction, my friends smiled as they walked off towards the exit; Jean was the last to leave but waved in my direction before leaving. Shadis closed the door behind him before moving in my direction. "Emalina Varlen, I was relieved to hear the good news that you have woken. How are you fairing?"
"Better than you would think, sir, though I am pretty hungry." Someone please get me some food!
"I have food on its way, but I must speak with you first. However, I think you'd want to say hello to these individuals?"
I tried to giggle as I could see my close friends from the Scout Regiment, but my chest constricted and I grasped my side as the pain increased from the tenderness of my muscles. "Easy there, shorty."
"Tch, I'm the same height as you, Levi." The captain of the Levi Squad walked in my direction, his eyes squinting as he noticed the extent of my injuries. "Yes, I know, I need a bath."
"Make sure it's a good one, you smell like shit."
I scowled in his direction before another voice was aimed at me. "Emalina, I am glad to see you smiling, despite what has happened." The tall, blonde haired man stepped next to my bed, his arm landing on my shoulder. I used to think his large eyebrows were weird, like tiny caterpillars, but the more I was around the Commander of the Scout Regiment, the more I thought they were cute.
"It is good to see you too, Erwin. Oh, excuse me, I should be saying 'Commander' and 'Captain" as I am now a soldier-in-training, my apologies."
Erwin laughed. "You can still call us by name, as long as when it's just us, ok?"
"Ok, I can do that," I said, simply happy to be around the people who saved me years ago.
"Your friends were just here," Levi pointed out, as he sat in the chair Jean had recently occupied. "Did they inform you anything about your accident?" I shook my head, knowing Levi was hinting at something, yet I was not sure what to think on the matter. Standing at the foot of my bed, Shadis cleared his throat as I turned to face him.
"Emalina…my assistants and I spoke with Kirschtein and Bodt after you were escorted here yesterday, and they informed exactly what happened. I'm going to tell you what they told me, then I want you to see if anything seems different than what you remember, alright?" My Commander spent the next few minutes going over the same details I remembered, and when he finished, I stated everything matched to what I could recall. Glancing between Erwin and Levi, Shadis released a hefty sigh, his shoulders tense as he walked around my bed. "We…also took a look at your ODM gear. It would seem your gear didn't suffer a simple mechanical issue."
My head tilted as I was confused, not quite sure how to process Shadis' words. Clearing his throat, the man reluctantly continued, still unease about learning the information for himself. "It would seem your gear was tinkered with. We found rocks in the fan compartment and the wiring to your handhelds were cut to initiate damage when used."
"S-Someone…someone purposely tampered with my ODM gear, to…what? So I could fail the exam?" My head turned towards Erwin and Levi, hoping they would know what was going on.
"We inspected your gear as well, Emalina, and your Commander is correct that it was tampered with," Erwin replied as easily as he could.
"Someone wants you dead, Emalina. Dead or permanently injured."
"Levi…" Erwin sighed at the captain's bluntness, but the man should've known this would happen.
"Thankfully, your death wasn't an outcome, and from what the doctor has relayed to me, you can continue your training within two weeks, though your cast will need to be on for a few months. Though there will be limitations for some time," Shadis stated.
Dead.
Someone wanted me dead? But who?
Blinking several times, my chest heaved as my mind tried to wrap around this piece of information, but it wasn't comprehending the situation at hand. Looking down at my arm, I was sent through a flashback of the accident; the fear that encompassed my entire being when the wire broke, the stillness of my surroundings when I thought something worse was going to happen. Even now, sitting comfortably within the Medical Wing, I was confronted by an onslaught of negative emotions at the thought that I could have died!
But you're not, a small voice echoed deep within my mentality.
Grimacing when I flexed the muscles of my broken arm, the throbbing pain was a reminder that this was simply training, and if I truly wanted to graduate and become a full-fledged soldier, I needed to expect death every moment of everyday I would serve the people I wanted to protect.
A smile graced my face when I heard Levi speak at my side. "The hell you smiling for shorty?"
Peering at him, I couldn't help but laugh. "That I'm alive. And that's all that matters."
Erwin chuckled. "I like that answer, Emalina."
"I agree with Erwin, but are you wanting to know who the culprit is? They have been discharged from training, having been sent home to work in the fields." Shadis asked, holding a file, which I assumed held all the necessary paperwork regarding the investigation they must have done within the last twenty-four hours.
"No sir. I have a feeling who it is, and if I am correct, I've got nothing to worry about anymore."
Nodding slowly, Shadis wasn't sure if he felt at ease Emalina without knowing the full information regarding this incident, but she had a point: she was alive. As she was involved and wanted to leave it untouched if the circumstance was taken care of, the man had to respect her decision. "As you wish, I will be taking my leave. Erwin, Levi, I appreciate you coming all the way out here. I'll be in my office if I can be of assistance." Leaving the Medical Wing, I glanced between the Commander and the Captain, suddenly questioning why they were here.
"You know, usually the Scout Regiment doesn't visit the Cadet Corps until graduation to persuade individuals to join. The visit is greatly appreciated, but may I ask why you're here?"
Kicking his shoes onto my bed, Levi crossed his arms, the usually scowl on his face was neutral as he said, "Tch, we wanted to pay you a visit."
"I suppose, but to travel all the way from Trost? Surely it would've been easier to have sent a letter?"
"You're one inconsiderate brat, aren't you?"
"Shouldn't you know that by now? I mean, I did live with the Scouts for two years. Someone seems to be losing their edge." Standing from the chair, Levi leaned over and rubbed his hand against the top of my head, tangling my already knotted hair. I growled, but grabbed my side, knowing I had been squirming and laughing too much.
"It's true, we came to see how you were faring, Emalina. When we heard the news of what happened, we headed over here straight away. What kind of Commander would I be if I let my next best candidate for the Scouts perish during training?"
"Oh, so that's why you came all the way out here." Maneuvering my pillows, I lowered my back against their fluffiness, my body instantly relaxing at the better position for my sore limbs. "I'm just a number for future consideration."
"Tch at least praise yourself, shorty. A number that has top skills to make a good soldier," Levi stated hotly.
"Not as good as you," I pointed out.
"Alright you two. Emalina," Erwin walked around my bed and grasped my shoulder. "I do not see you as a number. I wanted to stop by and discuss your training, to see if you remember my offer I provided before you left for training?"
The man's words made me release my breath before I slowly inhaled. The offer Erwin mentioned was the last conversation I held with the Commander before I left to begin my training as a soldier. I couldn't forget, as it was the day I made my decision for my future self. "No sir, I haven't forgotten."
"And?" Levi pushed, expecting me to talk.
"There are some things I need to settle, but I…I think I may have made my decision."
~ oOo ~
"So, Emalina, the two Scouts who were with Shadis this afternoon? Do you know them?"
"I do," I replied, the heads of my three friends simultaneously turned towards my direction, the simple game of cards we were playing abandoned as each began asking me questions. The others were sitting around my bed whereas I was leaning against several pillows, sipping on some tea the Doctor gave me to help alleviate the pain I was feeling. Erwin and Levi didn't stay that much longer after Shadis left, as they were needed back at headquarters; I was able to take a nap before I was reunited with Sasha, Jean and Marco, who were kind enough to bring me my dinner.
"You know people in the Scouts?" Marco asked, wanting to ensure he heard my answer correctly.
"You heard right. That was the Commander of the Scouts, Erwin, and Levi. You've probably heard of him; the people have given him the nickname 'Humanity's Strongest'. They…they were the ones who saved me after the fall of Wall Maria." If the silence between my friends could grow, then this silence would be deafening. With my nonbroken arm, I laid my cards down on the bed, focusing on controlling my breathing. Jean and Marco were the first to gain an insight into the fatality my parents suffered the day the titan's broke through Wall Maria, and Sasha had learned a few months later when we were discussing my childhood; but none of the three knew what happened after Freyja and I escaped from Uma.
"Ema?" Jean said the nickname he had granted me softly, his fingers caressing my hand, wanting me to know that I was in a safe environment. "Don't tell us if you're not comfortable with it."
Who couldn't smile at his words? Jean really was a sweetheart and was slowly showing that sweetness a little more every day; but only to his three friends. Regardless of the man ensuring I felt safe, I knew I was free from harm with Sasha, Jean and Marco by my side. Since the day I relayed how my parents died, my inner self was beginning to relax; it was soothing, if not healthy, to uncap the bottomless emotions I secured deep within. A tender smiled was given to my friends as I said, "It's ok, Jean. You'll find out sooner than later how I know them, and I'd rather it come from my mouth."
Straightening my back and taking a deep breath, I thus explained to my closest friends how I was able to survive the threat of the titans after nearly a hundred years ago. Though easier than before, it was still difficult discussing where I came from and how so. Why would I want to relive the bloodshed I witnessed? To hear the screams? The anguish, the agony?
Because I needed to speak of my secrets, to relinquish the distraught if brought upon me each and every day.
"As you all know, I left my village on Freyja's back; at first, I had no idea what to do or where to go; the family I had was just killed, I had no one. Luckily, I had been to Trost several times with my father; once I regained my composure enough to focus on the next step, I raced to Trost, knowing the titans would soon be on my feet. When I reached the farming settlements in front of the Trost Gate, the buildings were empty, but I screamed as loud as I could for help, with no answer.
I so desperately wanted to take a break; Freyja and I had been racing all night with the open threat of titans out and about. We walked through the buildings, yelling and screaming to see if there was somebody, anybody who could help us, and, what do you know, the footsteps start pounding. I turn around to see a ten-meter titan running in my direction. And so, we ran, but…I knew my fate was over; there was no place to go." Head falling into my hands, I groaned and growled, rampaged by anger, the fear, and the expectation of death. Swallowing the anxiety, I continued before anyone could begin speaking.
"It's…all a blur, and it happened really quickly. I'm astride Freyja, galloping away, and the next, I'm wrapped within the titan's hands, about to be swallowed whole like a pig."
"WHAT?!" All three gasped, eyes wide as saucers. If it wasn't for the topic at hand, I probably would've laughed. Sasha covered her mouth, Marco was biting his fingernails; and Jean opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head, wanting to finish before any questions could be asked.
"I screamed and screamed, but as the titan opened its mouth, I…just accepted my fate and went limp, trying to put myself into a neutral state, ignoring the fact I was about to be fucking eaten. But then…there wasn't any pain, no blood. I was falling, the uncanny bellow of the titan echoing through my ears it's fingers were cut from the hand, releasing me. My body never hit the ground as I was caught by someone within the Scout Regiment. I was saved by Levi."
"Woah…" Sasha said in a stunned state. She pulled a potato from an unknown pocket on her residential clothing and began eating.
"Apparently, I blacked out because I remember waking up to see Erwin, the Commander of the Scout Regiment next to my bed, wanting to speak with me on the titans. I explained what happened to my village and how I ended up in Trost; in a nutshell, the Scouts were interested in how I survived and if there was any differential knowledge I had on the beings as I witnessed them up close." Staring at the curiosity written across their faces, I chuckled, surprising even myself with the behavior. It was getting easier to speak of myself and what I'd been through, and I was very much thankful for the trust and support of the three people surrounding me. Without them, who knows if I would've known what friendship was like, to be accepted?
It's still tough living in the fear I'll lose everyone I cared for, but I'd grown to understand that's life, and if you really want to live, you have to push that fear aside, say fuck it all, and have fun.
Thank you, Marco, I thought to myself. I'm actually living because of your words.
"What happened after that? Where did you go?" Marco asked.
"Erwin and Levi asked the same thing when I said I had no family, no means to support myself. I stayed with the Scouts for a few weeks until I was…past my grieving, at least, until I was stable to function on daily tasks. I worked in the stable and helped around their Headquarters to earn my right for food and stay. Levi noticed my ability with the horses and connected the two when I said I was from Uma. He spoke with Erwin, who think spoke with Shadis; after pulling some strings, I was asked to work with Annamarie, the equestrian specialist for the Scouts. She helped the Cadet Corps before us with their equestrian training and I was her assistant."
"Fuck, Ema…" Jean scratched his hair, not quite sure what to say.
But before I could say anything else, Sasha muttered in a small voice, "How're you so strong…?" I raised an eyebrow, not sure what she meant. "You're strong physically, we've all seen the way you train, but I mean…Emalina, how're you so strong in here?" Leaving forward, she poked the position of my heart, her words finally comprehending to my understanding. "I want to cry for you Ema, you've been through something traumatic and yet, you pull through each and every day. How do you get out of bed each morning? Why do you keep going?"
Marco nodded, slowly asking with, "I've been thinking that too. I'm not trying to pry - !"
"Me neither!" Sasha stated quickly.
"Guys, I understand!" Waving my hands, I laughed, grabbing my side, remembering to slow down and breath slow and deep. "To be honest…I'm not sure if I have an answer. I can tell you that I didn't want to live any longer right after my parent's death, but the Scouts pushed me; Levi taught me how to clean, Erwin had me do deliveries – I was kept busy. From there? I…I dunno…it kinda seems silly for me to die just because I lost my family. It's disheartening, yeah, but I would think my parents wanted me to keep living." Clenching my hands, I released them several times, questioning if I was simply giving them an answer, or if what I was stating was the truth.
"Eventually, I was able to rise every morning because I wanted to become a soldier," my eyes crossed over my friends, landing, and staying focused on Jean. "I want to protect those I care for."
Beside me, Sasha was a bumbling mess as she fell into Marco, her tears soaking his shirt as she didn't want to crush me in my injured state. My freckled friend consoled her as best he could but sighed knowing she was being melodramatic, but her appearance had me laughing, which calmed the girl down instantly, tears still streaming down her reddened cheeks. Her laughter joined in with mine and was soon followed by that of Marco and Jean, the Medical Wing soon rumbled with the vibrations of our liveliness.
Sitting there, surrounded by people who had been strangers to me one year ago, I smiled, knowing that I would've still be lost within myself. These individuals gradually allowed me to be free, slowly pulling me by the hand to once again see the light I so missed. Life was beautiful, filled with individuals I cared for deeply and wanted to protect. For three years I had waited, desperately seeking this level of comfort, this desire to be needed and wanted, without the fear that I would forever be alone. The anxiety still rests inside me, but I wasn't enclosing myself to save the grief I was already plagued by; my new life began the day I was initiated as a soldier-in-training, and I would do anything to keep my friends by my side.
Even if it costs me my life.
~ oOo ~
Point of View
Jean
We continued to sit with Emalina, playing different card games and simply keeping her company the time of our curfew passed. The medic wanted to keep an eye on Emalina one more night to check on her vitals, and as Shadis walked in, communicating in his gruff voice that we were to head to our dorms. Each saying our goodnights, we left the Medical Wing with peace in our hearts, knowing our friend was to recover from her injuries.
Walking inside our dorm after we bid Sasha a goodnight, Marco and I were flooded with our roommates, questioning how Emalina was doing and the extent of her injuries. Keeping quiet on the ordeal being more personal than an actual accident, we gave as many answers as we could, some having to be complete lies or altered in order for some privacy to remain intact. Our comrades seemed pleased with the answers but were still disturbed by the incident. Since starting training, there had been several injuries, but the cadets we've lost were due to quitting in being a soldier, to return to the farms instead. We'd been told stories of previous Cadet Corps where trainees have died, but it had yet to happen. People were now questioning if this accident was the start to the turmoil in training we had yet to experience.
As the evening passed, we all crawled into our bunks, the candles having been extinguished so sleep could wash over our still exhausted bodies. For me, sleep did not come so easily. In his bunk next to mine, Marco had knocked out fairly easily, but that was a consistent trait for my friend; I, however, tossed and turned between my back and sides, uncomfortable and pissed that I was still staring at the godforsaken ceiling.
Quietly climbing down the ladder after several hours, I needed a break. The dorm had a musky smell that wasn't helping and I needed fresh air. Throwing on my shoes, I nimbly stepped outside, shutting the door as softly as possible, standing on the wooden deck as the stars in the sky became my next focus. The darkness of the night was deep, each constellation shone bright and perfect.
But even the beauty of the night sky couldn't shake my thoughts from what happened during the exam yesterday. Just a few hundred feet away, Emalina was resting, her injuries slowly healing, and I knew that, but remembering how she dangled by a single wire, crashing and nearly falling to her death caused my skin to tremble. The mere thought that I could've carried her lifeless body back to the other cadets was enough to clench my eyes shut; Emalina was too damn important in my life to simply die during training.
I grasped my nose, not understanding what I was thinking. She's my friend, but why am I this distraught over her dying when she's sleeping in the Medical Wing? The same thought, over and over, had plagued my mind since the accident yesterday. It continued to beat against the inside of my skull, never allowing me to think of something else, but in all honesty, did I want to think of anything other than Emalina?
The way her hair's grown longer since we met.
Her eyes shine when she's happy.
That smile is so contagious.
But those lips are so…
"Emalina…?"
Rubbing my still-not-tired eyes, I looked off into the distance that was the Medical Wing to see my friend slowly removing herself from the building. Head scanning in all directions, she cautiously walked across the grounds towards the forest, her sluggish steps were caused by pain in her side, I could tell. Knowing where she was headed, I sighed and followed after; consequences be damned if it meant watching my friend to ensure her safety.
Keeping my distance, it took Emalina some time but she eventually stopped at the lakeside, staring off into the distance before taking a seat in the same place where she allowed Marco and I an insight into the cause of her pain. Removing her shoes, she dipped her feet into the cool water, disturbing the stillness and causing a ripple effect to disturb the surface. Standing almost ten feet away, I had a clear view of the façade she wore, but I was still unsure what she was thinking.
Emalina was an enigma. There were somedays I could easily see her pain, the struggle she bore each day, while others, I couldn't determine what she was thinking. She's a puzzle where the solution changes daily and I have to work harder in order to crack the code. However, I didn't want to crack Emalina; she was different, not a basic cookie cutter like my mother used. My friend was unique and it was one of the traits I loved most about her.
Wait, what?
"Don't you think of me enough?"
Wait, is she…singing? Holding my breath, I stepped closer, not sure if I could hear the words, but I wanted to see if she was actually singing. My boots stepped over dried leaves and sticks, careful as I didn't want to frighten her with the possibility of her falling into the lake.
"I've been burning my heart out, I've got to face, need to tell you. I won't run cause I'm reticent."
What the fucking hell? She's…she is singing!
"You will know you're reborn tonight; must be ragged, but I stay by your side, even if my body's bleached to the bones, I don't want to go through that ever again. So cry no more, oh my beloved. Go ahead, be proud and fight it out. You are the one, our rising star, you guide us far to home yet girt…"
The air grew silent, but the overwhelming beauty of her voice rang inside my head. It was absolutely breathtaking as I stared at Emalina in wonder, wondering if she would ever allow me to hear her sing once again. Staring in awe, my mouth fell to the ground as I considered the words to the song, it was something I'd never heard before.
"Jean, you can come out now."
What?! She knew I was here the whole time?! Taking a deep breath, I removed myself from the shadow of a tree, making my way towards her position and claimed the seat by her side. Even in the moonlight Emalina's bruises across her face and arms were prominent and I refrained myself from gently tracing over each one, wanting her to know she was still beautiful as ever. We sat in silence for a few moments, but I knew we couldn't remain out here forever so I was the one to speak first. "How did you know I was here?"
"By your smell." My eyebrows rose as high as they could, forcing a chuckle from her mouth. "It's true. You have this distinctive smell that I've attached to you."
"Please tell me it's not bad…" I mumbled, ruffling my hair in annoyance, knowing that's how she distinguished me from our comrades.
"Oh no! You smell…you smell earthy, but clean at the same time. I don't know how to describe it, I'm sorry."
"So, basically I smell both clean and dirty. Lovely."
"I like it." Emalina smiled, causing my eyes to widen as my lips tugged upwards. Upon realizing her words, she directed her head towards the lake, a light blush accenting her cheeks, causing me to smirk.
Not wanting to create an awkward silence, pushed aside the discussion of my apparent smell and asked, "Don't mistake this being rude, but what're you doing out here, Ema? You should still be in the Medical Wing recovering, sleeping your injuries off!" Her face tensed at my tone and I immediately regretted my words, but I knew it needed to be said. What I hadn't been out there and she fell?
"I know, I'm really sorry Jean. But I…I had a nightmare and I needed some fresh air."
I sighed, not really blaming her as I was up during the night too, but unlike her, I wasn't injured. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Watching at me, she shook her head. "It's nothing new. It's the same dream I used to have after my parents died, but occasionally it happens when I'm under a lot of stress."
"I know, we've all been worried about you." Scooting closer, I delicately poked her shoulder with mine. "Hey, if you've survived everything fate has placed at your feet, I know you can survive this and be stronger afterwards."
"Funny thing is, after I fled Uma, I was rescued by the Levi and the Scout; yesterday, you rescued me."
"What's so funny about that?"
"I always thought I was alone after the death I saw when the titans attacked." Grasping a rock, she easily tossed it into the water, watching our reflections waver as it rippled before gradually smoothing back into place. "Having some time to think since I woke up, I wasn't really alone, and I'm very thankful for that."
"Sasha, Marco and I have told you that as well. We're here, and we aren't going anywhere."
"True, but…" Turning her body until she faced me, I moved mine around so we were face-to-face.
"No buts, Ema."
Her lips closed as she was about to speak, her attention moving towards her cast as she fiddled her fingers. "Jean?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you…for being my friend."
"You should be thankful," I muttered, her face turning angry at my words, but I quickly finished with, "Not everyone gets to be friends with someone as handsome as me."
"Oh god, really?!" Poking my side, I squirmed, surprised at the amount of feistiness still residing within her. "You asshole, I thought you were gonna say something else!" But I shrugged my shoulders and she poked me more. Our laughter once again fell into silence, but I didn't want to stop talking with her. I was carefree with her by my side. Growing up, I was always full of anger, which developed into a rage against my mother. But Emalina allowed me to be me, the anger slowly burning away, and I never wanted to lose her.
"Hey…" Her voice pulled me away from my thoughts, her face frowning as she asked, "You know what I just realized? We never did settle our bet from the first day of training."
"Huh? Oh, you mean about our nicknames?" She nodded. "Oh god…you still wanna finish that?"
"Uh, yeah! We made that after our initiation last year. It only seems fair."
"For you or for me?" She shrugged and smiled, not letting me off the hook. Though I would never state otherwise, I was secretly thankful neither of us remembered. Groaning I mumbled, "Fine, alright, we'll both say to make it fair. You go first."
"Alright. My dad and mom called me Rosie."
Rosie? Wow, that's really pretty. Mentally shaking my head, I scoffed and said, "Why didn't you want tell me those last year?"
"Just to tease you. You seemed uncomfortable about yours so I tried to even the playing field by making it seem mine was really embarrassing."
God this girl was good. "Well, you know I'll be calling you those from now on, right?"
"Over my dead body," she replied somewhat seriously, and I instantly knew she wanted to remember those names in the voice of her parents, not mine; I respected that. Besides, 'Ema' was her nickname from me. Waving her hand in my direction, she asked, "And what about you?"
Groaning, I looked down, twiddling my thumbs before finally whispering quietly, "Jeanie-Boy…" Looking up, I was thankful Emalina's face was blank. At least, I thought it would be.
"What? Ahhhahaha!" Clutching her side, Emalina closed her lips, eye leaking several tears as laughter leaked from her entire being. Sitting there, I narrowed my eyes, watching her until she finally calmed down, but the chuckle would remain for several moments. Using her shirt to wipe away the cruel tears, she smiled wickedly. "If you think you're gonna use mine, just wait till I use yours."
"Over my dead body," was the reply I gave, mimicking her previous answer. "My mom's been calling me that for as long as I can remember."
She must've noticed the change in my features as she grasped my hand. "Hey, I shouldn't have laughed, I'm sorry."
"Really?" I asked cautiously. She somehow released these adorable puppy-dog eyes as she tightened her lips, not wanting to tell me the entire truth. But with that face currently staring into my eyes, I couldn't move, I was stunned by the perfection seated across from me. Shaking my head, her laughter became contagious. "Don't be sorry, I'm not really upset. But if you see me around my mom when she calls me that, prepare for me to go nuts."
"Oh, nutty Jean? I'd like to see that."
Ruffling her hair, my next words were soft and gentle. "Of course you would. But…um, hey, I'm not gonna ask what it meant, but you sang beautifully, by the way."
"Why thank you, and nice change of subject." Pulling several strands of hair behind her ears, she turned her body around until she was facing the lake once more and I followed the same, our shoulders touching, her hand still clasped around mine. Did she even know she was still holding it? "You know, not everyone gets to be friends with someone as special as me."
A snarky comeback was on the tip of my tongue, but in the moment, I didn't want to say it. She was being sarcastic, but in my ears, it was the truth. She really was special and I was damned lucky to be in her company each and every day. Her direction was staring up at the stars, mine was gazing at her features; even in the moonlight, all I could see was her stunning beauty.
The few freckles that danced across her nose.
How her eyes sparkled each time she smiled.
She moved with such poise and grace.
But what had me staring each time we were together was Emalina's strength, just as Sasha mentioned earlier this evening. Even before she trusted me with her past, I knew my friend was strong, both physically and internally. And now, with my perception on her silence, I sought her strength, for it gave me the courage I needed, the courage I had been seeking in wanting to become a soldier.
"My mother taught me the song." Looking away from the stars and towards me, she continued with her statement when I didn't reply, as I was to mesmerized by her. "She said it was something she used to sing, to help me sleep when I was a baby. I learned from her…so I sing it when I miss her the most."
"Emalina…"
"It's ok, Jean. It's been three years. I'll never…fully heal from my grief, but knowing I still have a connection with her and my father helps me when I'm in the darkness."
"I feel as if I owe you an apology," I sighed, my words causing her to tilt her head in confusion.
"Whatever for?"
"For earlier, when I said I go crazy when my mother calls me by my nickname. But…your words made me realize…that I take things like that for granted." Grasping a small rock, just as she had earlier, I chucked the thing as far into the lake as I could, yelling in my head at the selfishness I bestowed when I was around Emalina. "I can see my mother anytime once we're done with training, but I've complained before about my mother, but you, Emalina…you'll never get to hear your mother call you Rosie again."
"Oh Jean…no, please don't be sorry. I mean, well, I do get upset because I'll never see my mother cook breakfast or help my father with the horses. But I'm alive and still have my memories; I'm living for them because they would've wanted me to have a happy life."
I couldn't form the words to say anything to her statement. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my chest, my lips dangerously to her neck. "Emalina, when you think about the future, what do you see…?" The sudden question was completely off topic, but one that had been on my brain for the past few weeks.
She was quiet for some time; I didn't expect an answer, as the question flew from my lips. After a few moments, her voice danced through my ears, sending a chill down my body; it was soft and quiet, so full and hope. "Outside of being a soldier, I…I want a family. I want to marry a man I love and raise our children in a small cottage."
Not even the three Walls could've contained the euphoric beat that was my heart. Hearing her words heated my blood, my cheeks darkening – to which I was thankful it was dark out. Was it her honesty? Was it simply knowing she wanted to have a family? Regardless, I allowed my heart to beat for this female, this woman who didn't seem to understand the significance she had on my life. Leaning down, I kissed her temple, knowing full well the extent of my actions and the words that followed next.
"I've wanted the same future all my life, Emalina."
I want you to be my future.
~ oOo ~
A very big thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. Let me know what you thought!
Chocobocolina :3