First Person POV (Kaira)
We had another job. Though this one was a weird one. A card company called Goodcheer Greeting Card Co. was sinking, and an employee named Hal had approached Nate, asking for help in saving the company, since the CEO was likely embezzling. Though, another card company called Heartfelt Cards was set to buy the company, which would save the company and the town. So we were sitting at the briefing table. Hardison walked over, orange soda in his hand.
"Hey, guys, I got bad news and bad news, so I'll start with the bad news." Hardison sat his soda on the table, and Eliot looked at it.
I gave him a silent warning not to start anything.
"Good Cheer was already a sinking ship, having nothing to do with the CEO's embezzlement." Hardison said.
Eliot grabbed the soda and moved it towards him.
"I mean, it's certainly not helping, but one division fails after the other like clockwork. Y-" Hardison turned around and saw the orange soda.
"You know that was mine." Hardison told Eliot.
"Oh, I thought you got it for me." Eliot said.
"Oh, really?" Hardison grabbed the orange soda back.
"Yeah. What, I can't enjoy an orange soda?" Eliot questioned.
"No, you can't." Hardison said.
"Huh?" Eliot said.
"Don't think I don't see what you're doing." Hardison said.
"What is he doing?" Parker asked me.
"Shut up." Eliot growled.
"This make us even now?" Hardison asked.
"Okay, enough." I finally said.
I nodded at Nate to start the briefing.
"The town of Montvale, Massachusetts - built upon the success of Good Cheer Greeting card company. Everything from the offices to their printing operation, warehouse, shipping - they are the local economy." Nate explained.
"So basically it's a mill town." Eliot pointed out.
"Yeah, so-" Nate explained when Hardison cut in.
"Yeah, except this mill has a good chance of being bought out by Heartfelt Cards at the end of the week, which is a great win for Good Cheer." Hardison pointed out.
"Yeah, as long as this embezzlement scam doesn't get in the way." Parker said.
"Yeah, now the CEO, Fred Bartley, is a washed-up quarterback, grandson of Good Cheer's founder. He was a blue-chip ballplayer until he injured his back." Hardison explained.
"Let's run the Wicked Stepsister. It's perfect." Sophie suggested.
"No, T-That's way too involved, Sophie. No, no. No, I'm thinking about something simpler, actually. For us to maybe, uh..." Nate said as we both caught Sophie writing in a book, tallying under the column "Put downs for Thursday".
Yeah, so it's bad enough mom and dad are squabbling, but my husband and my best friend are squabbling too.
"This guys buying up a bunch of expensive office equipment supplies. The thing is, it never gets dropped off." Eliot said, looking at some paperwork.
"Or it costs less than it says on the books. He's gotta be pocketing the difference." I realize.
"All right, the thing about it is, Heartfelt - they thrive on their sparking good, clean image. So if we can expose the CEO of Good Cheer before Good Cheer does their presentation for Heartfelt on Friday, then that still gives them enough cover to go ahead with the buyout, doesn't it?" Nate laid out the plan.
"Yeah, Heartfelt pulls Good Cheer into their warm embrace..." Sophie said.
"Saving a town and a company." Nate said.
Hardison turned around.
"All right. High five for morale." Hardison snatched the soda back when Eliot lifted his hand.
"My damn soda." Hardison said, walking away.
We then got covers and the next day went to hit the company.
Third Person POV
The team all started walking through the parking lot to the building.
"Okay, Sophie, you and Parker are gonna entertain them all while Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison get the evidence we need." Nate laid the plan.
His tie was lose, so Sophie pointed it out and Nate fixed it before going in. They saw Bartley walking out of his office.
"Hello! Yes. Hi. I am-" Nate tried to shake a woman's hand, but she just walked away.
"Oh, hey, don't mind her. Don't mind her, Mr. Meeker. No, we've just never hired a-an efficiency team before." Barley walked over to Nate, shaking his hand.
"Oh." Nate muttered.
"Yeah. But your bid was, uh, so much lower than all the other consultants." Bartley said.
"Yeah, well, I mean, it's really nothing to work with. Kind of goes with the territory, uh, Mr. Bartley. Yeah, no, my associates and I, we're just here simply to survey your operative infrastructure and shake up the creative process and fortify the I.T and - and then we'll, uh, determine and strengthen and streamline your vertical fluidity, you know, from the top down and the bottom up, and then we're good to go." Nate explained, slightly confusing Bartley.
"Cool. Cool. Like the scrimmage before a big game." Bartley said.
"Haha! Yeah, if that helps you." Nate muttered.
"Okay, let's get to work, guys." Nate told the team.
The team all split. Bartley took Nate into the copy room to copy the paperwork, but Felicia from H.R told them the copier was still broken. And there was another problem.
Nate overheard Felicia say about a documentary film crew. So Nate walked up to the director, who was having his crew film a water cooler. Nate introduced himself. Apparently, the guy was a German documentary filmmaker named Gunter Hanzig. And was eccentric, to say the least. Gunter went on to talk about his films and about his latest project about American small business (A/N I skipped a lot of it cause quite frankly, it's boring to write a scene with, so I'm just gonna continue on. Enjoy!)
Once Gunter finally left, Nate got on comms.
"Okay, guys, slight complication." Nate reported.
Parker was by the snack machine, going to sit down.
"You think?" Parker said.
Sophie was over by an office.
"We have to delay, wait till the cameras have gone." Sophie suggested.
"No, no. We do not delay." Nate said.
Sophie got out the notebook again.
Hardison and Kaira were in a spare room, setting up equipment.
"Guys, Heartfelt gets here in less than three days. Look, if Bartley's embezzlement comes to light once they've already bought this place up-" Hardison said.
"Heartfelt won't buy Good Cheer. But we can't con with the cameras here." Kaira added.
"No, no, we can't, uh, delay. If the company goes down, then the town is gonna go down. We have no time to delay. No, there's only one thing we can do. Only one thing." Nate said.
And that thing was to go along with the camera crew. Yeah, this was gonna be a long con.
Camera on an empty room, a single chair, and part of a window.
Nate sits down
Nate: Okay. What is that, uh, expression you guys say? Uh, roll camera? Hmm?
Gunter: (Off-camera) Don't address me directly.
Camera is on the Good Cheer employees as Bartley stands in front of them, the team all in a line beside him.
Bartley: Now, I'm here to introduce you to some new friends of the program. First and foremost, we have Mr. Joseph Meeker of Meeker Efficiency... (Blanks)
Nate: Consulting.
Bartley: ...Consulting. And he and his guys (Places hand on Hardison's shoulder, which Hardison doesn't like, then quickly removes it.) are here to prepare us for victory. Time to determine which of you is here to score the winning touchdown... and take the ball-
Nate: (steps ahead) Okay, yeah. Thanks. Who here wants to take Good Cheer to the next level, restore it to its former glory, huh?
(Good Cheer employees all cheer and Nate rallies them and leaves)
Back on Nate in the interview room
Nate: I, um, I just thought that I'd make the introductions myself. Uh, Ms. Crystal, she, uh, she's our emotioneer. Yeah, and what she'll be doing is she'll be leading the team through some, uh, some creative exercises.
(Cut to Sophie having the Good Cheer team putting fingers in each others ears. NASTY!)
Nate: She's obviously brilliant.
(Cuts to the Good Cheer team actually doing it)
Nate: Next up, we got, uh, Mindy Hoffman, and she, uh, she's gonna be observing the card writers.
(Cut to Parker in the writing area, going through card)
Parker: (Tossing cards aside) Happy Anniversary, Happy Hanukkah. Happy Graduation. You know, I'm seeing a lot of "happy" here. Aren't people tired of the same card, the same positive message over and over again?
Jennifer: Groans and leaves
Parker: Yeah. Jennifer not too happy, huh? Not too happy.
Camera cuts back to Nate in the interview room
Nate: And next up is Mr. Gates, our I.T guy - no relation.
(Cut to Hardison, Eliot, and Kaira standing together in the copy room)
Nate: And, then, uh, Mr. and Mrs. Dennis - they're our, uh, infrastructure guys.
Back to interview room
Nate: Efficiency is knowing what everyone's place is on the team.
(Cut to Felicia and two other employees at the break room, sitting down)
Felicia: Efficiency just means more of us are getting fired.
Cut to Sophie doing a Circle of Trust with the employees. And Nate trying to get Bartley involved, then leaving.
First Person POV (Kaira)
Finally, after dealing with the damn documentary guys, we finally got some good news.
"Okay, guys, we're clear. See what you can find in Bartley's office." Nate reported.
Eliot, Hardison, and I walked in, the crew behind us. Eliot tried to close the door, but the camera was in the way. I gave Eliot a warning to back off.
"Sorry." Eliot said, allowing the cameraman to come in.
Defiently the weirdest con I've done. Hardison was sitting at the desk. We ending up standing beside Hardison at the desk while the camera filmed us.
"Yeah, I'm just searching for evidence of embarrassment or, you know, something like that. Mr. Dennis and Mrs. Dennis here are gonna go search for any fragile activity." Hardison said.
Eliot just shook his head.
"What am I checking for?" Eliot asked Hardison quietly.
"Anything fragile... "ent"." Hardison said.
"Dumbass." I muttered as I got Eliot out of there.
(Cut to Sophie's acting classes, where she got the team out of the room, removing Nate's tie as she left.)
Sophie in the interview room
Sophie: He gave you that rubbish about everyone having a place? I - you kn - he likes to put everybody in their place. That's - you know, just last week, I started keeping a record - yeah, a record - (pulls out the notebook and starts flipping through the pages.) of every time... he blatantly disrespects my contributions. I mean, this is a week.
Cut back to Sophie having the employees bunnyhopping, with Nate watching.
Sophie: (Still holding the notebook) Oh, this is the time he told me that my English accent wasn't convincing. I-
Same area and shot, but cut
Sophie: This one - yeah. He sent me out for w pint of milk. Uh-huh. I take offense to that.
Cut to Eliot and Kaira looking at the office, and Hardison sitting down at the desk.
Hardison: Hey.
Eliot: What?
Hardison: Did you find anything?
Kaira: (Holding a cigarette carton) sarcastically There's a half pack of cigarettes.
Hardison: Ah, that's great. Anything useful?
Eliot: Nope. Nothing fragile. No cheesy little accounts with the holes in them. And the only embarrassment around here is you. (Eliot smiles at the camera)
Kaira: (walks up to camera) Look, can you give us some privacy. (Pause) And get that f(BEEP) camera out of my face. (Camera doesn't move) I'm not talking about my F(BEEP) problems with you or some f(BEEP) lame documentary. (Shoves camera out of her face)
Cut to Kaira in the interview room
Kaira: (pause) I'm not gonna explain myself. I warned your cameraman to get out of my face. He didn't listen. (walks out)
Cut to Eliot in the interview room
Eliot: (slight nervous smile) Yeah, my wife, she's very... Italian. Sorry about that. She better not find out I said that, or my ass is gonna get handed to me.
Separate shot
Eliot: This job is all about trust.
Cut to Hardison
Hardison: The job is all about respect.
Cut back to the office. Hardison's grabbing a chocolate bar out of the fridge.
Hardison: Go baby.
(Eliot and Kaira walk over)
Eliot: Did you put that in there? Did you put that in the fridge?
Hardison: No, I-I just like it when the chocolate's all cold.
Kaira: (semi threatening) Put it back.
Hardison: Who you think -
Eliot: Put it back in there. It's not yours. Somebody left that so they can eat it later.
Kaira: (give the "give me a minute"sign and gets Hardison up and goes to the side with Eliot) Come on. Over here.
(They go over to the side of the office.)
Kaira: This is about the damn sandwich, ain't it?
Cut to Eliot in the interview room
Eliot: In here? A guy makes a sandwich. H-he makes it that day, he wants to eat it later on that day, he puts it in the fridge, he's got to be able to trust that when he comes back, it's gonna be there for him.
Cut to Hardison
Hardison: He's got to respect me enough to know I didn't take the damn sandwich. He likes sandwiches. I think it had turkey on it or something. I'm al - I'm allergic to tryptophan in the turkey.
Cut to Kaira
Kaira: Honestly, I'm just tired of those two bitching. I swear, those two argue more than me and my husband do, and we've been married for 2 years.
Cut to Parker and the writers.
Parker: (Holding a card about two dinosaurs kissing) Two dinosaurs falling in love? Makes no sense! How about a dinosaur... (Grabs a green marker) ... ripping the head off a lion, hmm? Ohh, yeah. Now we're talking. (growls) Oh! Little lion wants to leave the pack early. Two little bear cubs want to go out and see the world, huh? Oh, yeah? (Starts screaming and scribbling as Gunter is watching) (Keeps making weird noises)
Parker: (Holds up card, which has a dinosaur ripping the head off a lion) Now that's a high school graduation card.
(Cue employee in interview room holding a card open that says "F(BEEP) this")
(Cue Gunter trying to film Parker, but she's not having it. And Parker finds out the copier is broken. And Parker threatens to break the camera. and runs into the office, shutting the blinds.)
Camera on Parker in the interview room
Parker: I don't really have anything to say. (mines locking her lips, but the camera doesn't shut off.)
Parker: Why are you still rolling the camera?
Gunter: What a magnificent creature. (A/N GROSS!)
Cut to Nate fixing his tie, Sophie behind when Parker walks into the room. Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison soon join.
Nate: Oh, hey. Okay. We are going to - we're gonna call to order the efficiency council meeting right now.
Hardison: There's nothing on his computer.
Sophie: What do you mean?
Hardison: Couldn't find anything in the offices. There's... (catches the camera) no cheese accounts, no critical activity.
Kaira: There's nothing that says he's de-fragile-ing Good Cheer.
Hardison: Look. All the delivery notifications for the ink. He paid for that special holographic printer. He - it's all legit.
Eliot: He's not... embarrassing.
Nate: (Looking at the papers Hardison gave him) No, there's something else here. It's color-shifting ink... 100 percent cotton paper. (gets paper out of camera view as Kaira warns to back off)
Nate: He's, uh, he's printing, uh... fake cards, fake cards. Yeah, you know how some greeting cards have... people's faces on them? Um - important people's faces on them? Okay, well, he's copying... those designs.
Parker: Ohh! Sounds pretty embarrassing to me. (Scoffs)
nate: Eh, no, no. His cards aren't real.
Sophie: They just look real.
Nate: They just look real, yeah.
Sophie: But the emotion-
Nate: The emotion -
Kaira: The fake cards with fake emotion, got it.
Hardison: Oh, the cards are made for passing money.
Parker: Ohh! Bartley's counterfeiting mo-
Nate: C-Cards! Cards!
Parker: Yeah.
Nate: Yeah, he's counterfeiting cards.
Parker: (Mimes opening a card) Cards.
Nate: So w-w-we've learned a lot here t - okay, we're good.
They end the talk and leave.
Cut to the team at the break room table
Eliot: No, that's not what I said. Look, all I want to know is how do we nail this Bartley guy for counterfeiting?
Parker: Cards!
Eliot: Parker, we're alone.
Parker: Yeah, well, that guy Gunter's been on me like a cheap suit!
Nate: The U.S dollar is part linen. Our guy's been, uh, using green and purple ink. I think he's cloning the Euro.
Sophie: We need to find every piece of equipment he's using.
Nate: Hey, Parker, the paper - you got to find that. Eliot, Hardison, Kaira, get the ink and especially that printer.
Hardison: We've got less than 24 hours to do it before Heartfelt gets here.
(Eliot and Kaira both spot the camera and shoot out of their seats.)
Eliot: That's enough.
Kaira: For f(BEEP) sake!
(Kaira and Eliot goes after the camera as Hardison leaps over the table to shut the blinds)
Cue Parker heading to the women's bathroom, where Gunter is. Nate and Felicia have a talk, where she spills about Nate and Sophie's relationship, causing Nate to spill coffee.
Cut to Sophie in the interview room
Sophie: She mentioned something called, um, reverse favoritism, and apparently I-it's a very common byproduct in workplace relationships. And she-she offered to speak to Mr. Meeker, which, um, I thought was... a splendid idea.
Cue Nate realizing he was spilling coffee.
Next we have Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison walking in the warehouse.
Hardison: Wait. Ho - I'm sorry. A-are you actually trying to threaten me into admitting I ate your sandwich?
Kaira: Yeah, I am. Admit you ate his sandwich, or I'm done buying you candy.
Eliot: I'm not threatening you. I ain't playing with you either. Nobody threatens anybody with a Moldavian Sawhorse.
Hardison: You know what, man? Can we just finish finding this damn inefficient printer and do our jobs? We checked the warehouse, the office, the printer farm top to bottom - nothing. Okay? Maybe this guy Bartley isn't as dumb as you think.
(Sees a bunch of people in kahki colored shirts.)
Eliot: Shh. What's up?
Random guy: Help you guys?
Hardison: Yeah, we're just, uh, looking for the, uh...
Kaira: We were just trying to find some supplies and these two idiots got us lost. We're trying to get out of here.
Random guy: Three crates down to the right.
Eliot: Three.
Random guy: Then go four crates to the left.
Kaira: All right, three right, 4 left. Thanks!
(Kaira tries to drag them away as Hardison finishes his conversation.)
Eliot: Walk.
They walk away some
Hardison: What the hell was that?
Eliot: What do you mean, "what was that?" Man, if I was dummying up some cards like Bartley, I'd definitely have some muscle in on the operation. I'm just saying.
Hardison: Are you ser- you must have taken two hits to the head. Jumbo Black back there? Come one, man. You probably are the damn sandwich yourself over some wine with her, and forgot about it. (Hardison walks away)
Kaira: You mother f-
Walks away
Cut to Eliot in the Interview room.
Eliot: So my sandwich is forgettable? Listen, I take thinly sliced turkey, all right? I pan-sear it with some sweet Maui onions, all right? Then I put a slice of dill Havarti cheese and another slice of an heirloom tomato. All that goes on an everything bagel, and I make my own garlic-and-green-onion cream cheese spread. That's forgettable? (Eats a chip) I don't think so.
Cut to Kaira in the interview room
Kaira: So what if I enjoy sandwiches and wine with my husband on date night? I'm romantic, I like that kind of stuff. Though he does make damn good food.
Cut to Gunter looking at footage and seeing Parker looking for the paper, and being creepy.
And cut to Sophie going up to talk to Bartley, and Hardison and Eliot, behind Nate. Kaira's behind some, pacing, ranting in Italian.
Kaira: (Pacing behind) Sono stanco del lavoro! Le telecamere sono fastidiose da morire, e non farmi iniziare a dire che Gunter è fastidioso mettendoci quella dannata telecamera in faccia. Ma voi due, che vi lamentate costantemente di quel dannato panino. Ne ho avuto abbastanza! (I'm tired of this job! Cameras are annoying as hell, and don't get me started saying Gunter is annoying by putting the damn camera in our faces. But you two, constantly complaining about that damn sandwich. I've had enough!)
Hardison: (As Kaira's ranting) What's she saying?
Eliot: She's not happy, I know that.
Hardison: Well, get her to stop.
Kaira: L'ho sentito! (I heard that!)
Eliot: (Grabs Kaira's shoulders) Hey! Stop yelling in Italian, Hardison can't understand you.
Kaira: Non ha bisogno di sapere cosa sto dicendo, deve smetterla di fare lo stronzo! E voi due dovete smetterla di litigare! O vi do un pugno in testa in questo momento! (He doesn't need to know what I'm saying, he has to stop being an asshole! And you two have to stop fighting! Or I'll punch you in the head right now!)
Eliot: Perché vengo sgridato? Ha iniziato la discussione! Perché non gli stai urlando contro? (Why am I getting yelled at? He started the argument! Why aren't you yelling at him ?!)
Kaira: Perché voi due non smettete di litigare come se foste sposati da sempre! (Why don't you two stop fighting like you've been married forever!)
(A/N I used Google Translate, so let me know if I got the translation wrong)
Nate: (Get's between them) Enough, you two. Save it for home. You both done?
Kaira and Eliot: Yeah.
Nate: This guy is about five hours away from getting away with a scam. It's embarrassing.
Hardison: I thought we were using false emotion.
Nate: Yeah. No, wait. What? No. Oh, I know he's not embarrassing. Hey. Look, I- well, whatever. I got most of this down - de-fragile-ing, cheese accounts thing. (Eliot tried using his body to gesture to the cameraman) Just don't know what sandwich has to do with it.
Hardison: Hmm?
Nate: Sandwich. "Sandwich." (air quotes) What does that have to do with it?
Hardison: It's just-
Nate: What? It's what?
Eliot: "Sandwich" is an actual sandwich. It's a real sandwich. It's a real sandwich.
Hardison: Was a real sandwich.
Eliot: Man.
(Cue shot of water cooler, and then Eliot, Hardison, Kaira, and Nate in the copy room.)
Eliot: Absolutely not. It was in the fridge for less than 24 hours, man.
Hardison: The only reason why I know about the sandwich in the first place is because you won't shut up about it.
Kaira: It's the code of the west! Never eat another man's sandwich!
Nate: The-the-the 3-D printer's got to be somewhere. Did you check behind the paper in the stock room? I mean, maybe he's built an artificial -
Hardison: And see if they built an artificial wall with the paper boxes. Yeah, we thought of that.
Nate: What about the janitor's closet?
Eliot: No, man, I'm telling you, there's no printer.
Nate: Okay. Uh, the loading dock?
Parker walks in
Parker: How come we keep meeting in here? The copier's broken.
Kaira: (Lightbulb) Wait, the copier.
Hardison: Yeah.
Kaira walks over and fiddles with it as Hardison goes to the doorway.
Hardison: Hey, does anybody actually know what's wrong with the copier?
Employees: It's not working!
Hardison: Appreciate it. (Walks back in)
Nate: Doesn't really tell you what's wrong with it, does it?
Kaira and Hardison get the panel off, revealing ink and a printer.
Hardison: I knew it.
The copier prints, out a sheet, confirming the counterfeiting of money.
Nate: (holding up the sheet) All right, all right. We got him. We got him. Yeah, we got him.
Sophie: No.
Nate: What?
Sophie: We may have somebody, but it's not him.
Eliot: It's not Bartley.
Sophie: Unh-unh. No. I just threw every trick in the book at him - word association, NLP - nothing, nada. This guy doesn't have the foggiest idea what's going on at his own company.
Parker: So Bartley isn't our bad guy, then.
Kaira: No, he's just an idiot. We got the evidence for somebody, but we still need who.
Eliot: Well, I think we're running out of time. Heartfelt's coming this afternoon.
Nate: All right, here's what we're gonna do. We're just gonna look at all the security footage over the last couple of days, see who's been fiddling with the copier.
Hardison: No, we won't. Look, man, security hard drives are crap. They erase every 12 hours.
Nate: Well, I mean, there's got to be some way we can figure out and know what's going on the last couple of days in this office. There's got... (catches camera) to be... (rest of the team zooms in.
The team all walked up to Gunter, Kaira more threatening.
Cut to Nate and Sophie watching the footage, with Sophie complaining. And more arguing between Nate and Sophie. And those guys that Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison ran into? They were the culprits who was messing with the printer. And Hardison put a button cam on Eliot's tie, which Gunter was intrigued by.
Gunter: Is that a camera?
Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, man. Make 'em myself. It's got an HD-quality 3-CCD chip with image stabilization and omnidirectional sound.
Gunter: Wha-
Hardison: It's fitted with a transmitter, a micro-transmitter, that sends the image anywhere I want it.
Gunter was grabbing the tie.
Kaira: (Smacking Gunter's hand off) Hey, hands off, man. They're delicate.
Gunter: You have more of these?
Hardison: Why?
Cue Gunter being creepy, having attached the cam to his belt, and filming Parker, who caught him. Gunter tried to get her in the interview room, but Parker wasn't talking.
Eliot and Kaira may have beat the crap out of the two guys they found in the warehouse.
Interview room with Eliot
Eliot: He copped to stealing office supplies. Three cases of sticky notes.
(And Eliot found out from the big guy that the other guy, Bob, said Bartley wanted it done.)
Cue the team meeting in the office
Eliot: Sounds like this other guy put him up to it.
Nate: No, it's a setup. Whoever's doing this is building an evidence trail straight back to Fred Bartley.
Sophie: Well, Bartley "told" them to fix the copier.
Parker: And Bartley's the one who bought the paper and the ink.
Gunter: If the authorities come sniffing around, then Bartley's gonna take the fall, huh?
Kaira: Guys, this isn't just counterfeiting. This is a frame job. (Looks at Gunter) Please get the damn camera away!
Hardison: No, no, no. It's more than that. See, the copier's set for remote printing. I figured if I can get into the print queue, I could figure out who - I could figure out who's copying the money. Now, they covered their tracks. It's pretty tangled. But look where I-I traced it back to.
Hardison showed just one camera screen, revealing it was Felicia.
Nate: Felicia from H.R.
Hardison: Yeah. And checked the - she's not just printing funny money. There's another document in the queue, on hold, that's set to print in two hours.
Sophie: (Trying to fake smile) In two hours? But that's-that's- that's right in the middle of the, um, the Heartfelt meeting.
Nate: What's the document?
Hardison: (Pulls up document) Suicide note. From Bartley. (Looks at cameraman) I'm gonna crack your forehead. I swear.
Gunter pushed Hardison to the side, stopping him.
Gunter: What - what is this? I-I don't understand.
Kaira: Oh my god, I am surrounded by f(BEEP) idiots. It means, this isn't just a frame job, it about to be a murder. (Shove's camera)
Nate was in the middle of an interview with Gunter, but Eliot and Kaira same in.
Kaira: We got a problem.
Eliot: Heartfelt's here, and I can't find Bartley.
Gunter: Felicia's gonna kill Bartley.
Nate got up and left.
They went out and everyone started crowding Nate. He got the crowd to be quiet. He also hyped them up.
Sophie in the interview room
Sophie: Well, that's the thing about him. He's... he's broken. Badly. He get's the job done... and doesn't let anything get in the way - not people, not feelings, not relationships. We're all second to the job.
Back to the office.
Nate got the crowd moved.
Sophie: What about us?
Nate: Okay, Sophie, you and I, we're going to, uh, stall Heartfelt. Eliot, Hardison, Kaira, go fund, uh, Fred Bartley. Parker - Parker, you're gonna stay here kind of and take care of things.
Eliot and Kaira turned around.
Eliot: You. You're coming with us. Let's go.
Kaira: Come on!
Gunter: Who's going with her? (Gunter grabs Parker)
Kaira: Hey! (She grabs Gunter by the neck, using an armbar to put pressure on his neck.) Don't you f(BEEP) mess with her or I'm gonna break your hands, then I'm gonna kick you in the junk, then I'm gonna go and break all that fancy camera equipment you have. Got it? (Kaira let's go)
Kaira joins with Eliot and Hardison.
Kaira: Well, come one!
Gunter doesn't say anything but reaches for Parker again.
Eliot, Kaira, and Hardison: Hey! Bring your ass!
That allowed for some time so Parker could lift Gunter's credit card. And Nate and Sophie stalled the Heartfelt guys.
Cut to Eliot, Hardison, and Kaira going into Bartley's office.
Hardison: I'm gonna check his schedule, see exactly where he's supposed to be. (sits at chair)
Eliot: (Looking out of the window) His car's still here.
Kaira: (Looks out the window) He's got to be in the building, then.
Kaira noticed the camera's focus on the cigarettes.
Kaira: Care to share with the class?
Gunter picked them up.
Gunter: Yeah, yeah, cigarettes. Bartley has cigarettes!
Hardison: And?
Gunter: He told me he quit two months ago. (tosses cigarette carton to Hardison)
Cue Bartley's interview, where he said quitting was easy.
Kaira: He's gotta be someplace private smoking, with all the stress.
Eliot, Hardison, Kaira: The roof.
They go up to the roof, where Bartley is about to be shoved off the roof. Kaira and Eliot go upfront to attack the guys, and Hardison stayed behind. Then Hardison got thrown off the roof.
Cue interview room with Hardison, who is holding an ice pack to his head.
Hardison: Um... yeah, no, it was cool, you know, uh, hanging off the side of the building, cause I-I got strong fingers from doing my thing, so I was good.
Cut back to roof, where Hardison's dangling off the side of the roof. And while Eliot finished off the last goon, Kaira tried helping Hardison up. Eliot did come over to help.
Interview room with Kaira and Eliot together.
Eliot: Nobody throws Hardison off a roof. Except maybe me. (Chuckles) No. (Tilts head to show, "well")
Kaira: I mean, some days, when he really pisses me off.
Cut then to presentations. And Parker's, which were kind of off, but she had the energy, even doing a tad bit of hand movements.
Back on the roof, Eliot told Bartley he needed to save his company and go to the meeting, which got him a hug. Eliot got him off and told him to go.
Third Person POV
As Bartley was introducing himself, Felicia's phone went off. Just as Bartley started his presentation, a female employee came in.
"The copier's printing some kind of money! We're all gonna be rich!"
Of course, the crowd murmured and was confused. Felicia then stood up.
"No, it's counterfeit money. Bartley's been counterfeiting! He's been doing it all along!" Felicia pointed accusingly at Bartley.
Of course, Bartley didn't have a clue. "What, you think - I can't even - I can't even make greeting cards. You think I can counterfeit money?" Bartley questioned.
"We all wanted to replace that broken copier years ago, but you said we had to keep it." Felicia said.
"We couldn't afford to fix the copier." Bartley said.
"There's all that weird ink and paper ordered in your name." The female employee pointed out.
"I don't remember ordering weird ink." Bartley said.
"And Hal - you made me fire Hal." Felicia said.
"You said he tried to grab your-" Bartley said. (A/N Rule #7 guys!)
"Was he onto you? Is that why you had me fire him? Is this why you've driven the company into the ground?" Felicia questioned Bartley to sell her story.
The woman from Heartfelt stood up.
"Mr. Bartley, if this is true, then Heartfelt withdraws any offer of-" She said when Nate stood up.
"Well, no, excuse me. I-It's not true. He's not doing any counterfeiting. She is." Nate pointed at Felicia.
"What? The evidence all points to him." Felicia said.
Kaira came in. "Evidence that you created, Felicia." Kaira pointed out, walking beside Nate.
"Oh, sure - the efficiency experts he hired are defending him." Felicia pointed out.
Nate and Kaira chuckled. "Well..." Nate muttered.
"Are you in on it? Are you with the mob?" Felicia questioned Nate and Kaira.
"Well-"Kaira was about to answer, but Nate cut her off, saying not to say what she was about to say.
"It wouldn't surprise me if you were with the mob." Felicia pointed out.
"Well, Felicia, believe me, you would know if we were the mob. But, however, it was a nice touch, trying to salvage your frame job. Mr. Meeker, care to continue blowing up Felicia's frame job?" Kaira looked over to Nate.
"There's only one problem, though." Nate grabbed the clicker from Parker.
"We have it on tape." Nate said.
The video that appeared on screen was Felicia's hands starting the printer.
"Yeah. There you go." Nate said.
"I didn't - that's not-" Felicia said.
"Felicia, honey, you're wearing matching green fingernail polish, and the same yellow flower ring in the video." Kaira pointed out, having enough of this.
Nate chuckled. "Time stamp on the phone, uh, will show that's exactly when the print order was sent for those bills." Nate finished.
Nate gestured for the camera to watch Felicia, and she was stunned. Kaira then added some effect by having the cameraman move closer to Felicia.
"How did you film that?" Felicia asked.
Earlier, Parker planted a camera on Felicia's sweater. And since Hardison had multiple, and the transmitter could send the video anywhere, Nate could pull it up on the screen.
Felicia, of course, tried to make a run for it out the door. Though, when Kaira tried chasing her, Eliot and Hardison were standing next to a water cooler, which Eliot knocked over. Kaira smiled as she caught Eliot and Hardison doing their handshake. Felicia then was questioned on her motive, which was to prove she was smarter than everyone after having enough of the job. Which, was a fair complaint. Of course, Bartley was confused, and Sophie tried to explain it, but Nate had to simplify it. Which, of course, earned another mark in the notebook. The Heartfelt boss and Bartley bonded over football. And Hal was rehired.
First Person POV (Kaira)
So, here we were, back in the bar, watching the footage of everything that happened. Gunter was at the tv, and we were all sitting together by the bar. I was in between Eliot and Hardison on the barstools in the back, Parker, with popcorn in her lap, Nate and Sophie in front of us in chairs.
"So, what do you think?" Gunter asked us.
"I think it's terrific. Absolutely uplifting. Heartwarming, even. Don't you think?" Nate looked at us.
"Yeah, it was a story of triumph. I cried." Hardison said.
"Triumph. Little guy beats the world." Eliot said.
"Yeah, exactly. It's like a Robin Hood story, don't you think?" I teased a bit.
"I just loved the ending. It's so hopeful." Sophie said.
"Hopeful." Nate added.
Gunter was not pleased.
"Yeah. You know, you could sell this to Hollywood." Sophie said.
Gunter shot up. "Hollywood? Nein! That is not the point! The point is to expose the futility of life..." Gunter explained.
"Oh, it doesn't to that." Nate said.
"... the ever-presence of decay, not to peddle simplistic, narrative pablum! It is not!" Gunter explained.
"I mean, I got a hopeful message." I teased.
Gunter got in front of Parker. Of course, I warned Gunter silently, and maybe not so subtly, to watch himself.
"You have the soul of a German. Hmm? What do you think?" Gunter asked Parker.
"I didn't really get it." Parker said.
Gunter started talking in German, not happy. He took the disk out and broke it, yelling about how what we said wasn't the point, then left.
"The hell's wrong with him?" Hardison asked.
"You erased the film off of his..." Nate asked Hardison.
"Oh, yeah." Hardison said.
"Thank God." I muttered as Nate got up and went behind the bar.
"Yeah, man, I uploaded a nasty virus into Gunter's digital-editing bay. It zapped every gigabyte of film he shot of us, except that. That was the last bit of it." Hardison explained.
"I l-like this guy. I do. I feel sorry for him." Eliot said.
"He cut his finger." Parker said.
"Hey, I don't. Man was getting way too handsy with Parker. Cutting his finger was retribution." I said, showing I was serious and not joking.
"Hey, man, do you finally believe me about the sandwich?" Hardison asked Eliot.
Eliot and I both showed we didn't buy it.
"Seriously. All right, you know what, man? I was gonna buy you dinner, cause I felt sorry for you." hardison said, getting up.
"Ooh, you're buying dinner?" Parker questioned, getting up.
"Fine by me." I added.
"You're buying dinner?" Eliot asked Hardison.
"Thought you was hungry." Hardison added.
"Are you buying?" I asked Hardison.
"Maybe. Do you believe me?" Hardison asked.
"I'm in." Parker said, joining us in leaving.
"I believe that you're buying dinner now." Eliot said.
"We're gonna have to disagree more often if Hardison buys dinner." I smirked a bit as Eliot wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
Parker walked up to me.
"Hey, Kaira, were you serious about what you said you were gonna do to Gunter?" Parker asked me.
I chuckled.
"Hell yeah, I was. No one gets to touch my girl without her permission. Plus I know she'd stab them with a fork, so." I smiled, causing Parker to chuckle a bit.
And yes, dinner went very well. And the extras after didn't hurt, either.
Unseen footage from the interview! Hardison is eating the sandwich.
Hardison: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I ate the damn sandwich. I ate the damn sandwich for sure. The boy can cook. He can throw down. If he and his woman wasn't gonna beat my ass, I'd go thank him.