First Person POV (Kaira)
It was another sunny day in Boston. The bar was filled with patrons who I was serving, and we had a new client, Amy Campston. She was screwed over by a cash-for-gold business. I was behind the bar, taking a break from serving drinks to participate in the client meeting, and Nate and Hardison were on the other side of the bar, and our client was around the corner of the bar, a glass of water in front of her that I gave her.
"I saw the ad on tv. And as much as I didn't want to, I have a mortgage to pay, a child to feed. Next thing I knew, they sent me a packet with postage." Amy explained.
"Yeah, these cash-for-gold businesses, they make it very easy for customers to send in their gold. And this necklace, it had sentimental value to you?" Hardison said.
Nate had a look, wondering why Hardison was taking over, and I had a hunch.
"My grandmother from England gave it to me before she died. She held it all the way through the London Blitz in the '40s. I'm so ashamed I sent it in." Amy said.
"No, no, I mean, you did what you had to do, and you did it for your family. Nothing to be ashamed about." Nate said.
"You have a kid to feed. Anyone in that spot would've done the same." I comforted Amy, giving a sympathetic smile.
"Yeah, they're right. Look, your story's not unique. There are thousands of desperate people who send in their gold, they get these checks way below market value. There's a pattern of perfidy." Hardison explained.
Nate and I looked at Hardison.
"A pattern of perfidy?" Nate questioned.
"Mm-hmm." Hardison hummed.
"Thank you. But I wish I had the necklace back. I just know it's still out there." Amy said.
Seemed simple enough.
"Okay, well, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do everything we can to get it back-" Nate was gonna say when Hardison spoke.
"Get it back for you. And probably help you pay that mortgage, too." Hardison offered.
Amy chuckled. "Thank you." Amy said.
Hardison and I nodded at her, smiling at her when she left. Nate stood up, and looked back at Hardison.
"Pattern of perfidy? Seriously?" Nate questioned.
"Yes. This is it, Nate. This is the one." Hardison said.
I started stumbling. "Oh, seriously, Hardison?" I questioned him.
"Look, there's no international crime, no Russians with guns, no Interpol. It's low risk, low danger, just two very smart dirtbags who like to hurt people. This is my shot. This time, I run the con." Hardison said.
I groaned.
"I knew it." I said.
"Oh, no." Nate said.
"Oh, yes." Hardison said, leaving.
"Oh, boy." Nate grumbled.
We followed him back upstairs.
Look, don't get me wrong, Hardison is the smartest man I know. He can hack just about anything we ask him to. But he can also get cocky, which I can't really yell at him for, cause we're all cocky at some point in our criminal careers. But sometimes that cockiness gets in the way of the job (remember the time Hardison bailed on recon and ended up having to save our asses?). I'm not saying you have to be like Nate to be a mastermind, aka don't need to be a bastard, but there's a reason why Nate's the best. Now, granted, besides a few little stunts, Hardison has mellowed out some, and by mellow, I mean, he's better at understanding that time and place are important. I don't doubt Hardison's ability to make a plan. He's always spotted things any one of us would miss, and always watches our asses. But knowing Hardison as long as I have, I knew this con that he was making was going to be complicated. Partially, because I had seen him make this plan he had been working on sometimes.
Anyways, we walked back up to Nate's apartment, where of course, Hardison was on our case as we walked in. Parker, Eliot, and Sophie were already sitting.
"If you don't think I can handle it, just say." Hardison said.
"No. Hardison, that's not what I'm saying, actually." Nate said as we stopped at the briefing table.
Hardison grabbed his clicker.
"Well, what is it? You think I'll mess it up? Go on, speak your mind." Hardison said.
I went to sit next to Eliot.
"That's not what we're saying, either." I assured Hardison.
"No, come on. Please, just do your thing." Nate said.
"Do your thing?" Hardison started getting upset.
"Sometime today, man, all right? Some of us have social lives we got to get back to." Eliot said.
I smacked him lightly. Eliot groaned and looked at me.
"What?" He questioned me.
"What did I tell you about playing nice?" I reminded Eliot.
He groaned again, and I gave him a look warning him to stop.
"All of you don't even understand how much you depend on me, do you? All the hacking, the fake I.D's, the financial searches, the sub-rosa profiling. Weeks of work every time, and none of you appreciate it." Hardison asked us.
"Hardison, if I didn't appreciate how much you do, then why do I have you teach me what you do?" I questioned Hardison.
"Hardison, we do, we just - you know, we don't understand some of it. Well, most of it. But we're very-we're very grateful." Sophie spoke for us.
"Hence why I'm learning, Alec." I said.
Hardison may have been worried about the use of the first name.
"Yes, we're very grateful, Hardison. Now, if you will, let's-let's run it. Gold to be Sold!" Nate tried getting us on track.
"You run it." Hardison tossed the remote to Nate, who caught it.
"For chrissakes, Hardison!" I groaned.
"Why don't you go ahead, find your little briefing fairy online, without me. Start the job, and see how far you get... without me." Hardison said.
Hardison went to sit to the side of the room, his arms crossed.
"No, I - Hardison, come on. R-really, it's - it- " Nate tried giving the remote back.
"That's his very serious arm-cross." Parker whispered.
I groaned again. We all looked at Hardison sitting down at the other table.
"All right. Here we go." Nate said.
Nate tried operating the remote, but couldn't get it to work. I groaned again and got up and grabbed it from his hand.
"Give me that, Nathan, before you break Hardison's system." I groaned, leaning against the table.
"Just sit down, Nate. I got this one." I groaned, motioning for Nate to sit.
He just stayed put beside me. I groaned as I grabbed Hardison's wireless keyboard and was able to get the browser pulled up. I turned to Hardison.
"Got something to say, Alec?" I showed Hardison I wasn't happy.
Hardison just smiled. "At least someone cares." Hardison retorted.
"Asshole." I muttered as I turned back to the screen.
I typed Gold to be Sold into the search engine and pulled up their website and turned to face the team.
"Alright, Gold to be Sold began as an Oregon-based company headed by brother and sister duo Barbara and Tommy Madsen. They expanded nationwide in the last five years, but the main processing and refinery's in Portland, Oregon." I explained.
I put the keyboard down. Nate nodded at me to keep going.
"Look, guys, thousands of people, especially in a bad economy, they send their gold once a week. To keep it short, basically, the Madsens are scamming people with low estimates, lost shipments, late checks, all that. If my math is correct, and we assume everyone is losing the same amount of money, we're looking at a multimillion dollar graft, and all of this is legal." I explained.
I grabbed the keyboard again, and the remote. Nate grabbed it from me and got the remote to Parker. She ended up causing static, which no one liked, and then she pulled up a jumpscare. I snatched the remote back.
"Don't touch! Let me get this, since someone's being pissy." I gave Hardison a look.
I pulled up the commercial, which was really bad. As we watched the commercial, Nate walked next to Sophie. Hardison was impressed and amused. I paused the commercial.
"All right, I'm thinking we go simple. We got a vault with gold." I turned to face the team.
Nate nodded to go ahead with my plan.
"Let's go steal some gold." I said, smiling.
"Damn that felt good." I muttered, smiling.
I sat the keyboard and remote down. I turned to Hardison and pointed at him.
"Next time you wanna be pissy, Alec, don't take it out on the job. You say it to our faces." I lowered my hand.
"You take your shit out on the job, and people get hurt. Or worse." I turned to Nate quickly, then back to Hardison, who dropped his cockiness quickly.
"If someone gets hurt because you can't hash your shit out in your own time, I will hurt you. Don't think I won't, Alec. You don't wanna screw with me when it comes to this team's safety." I threatened Hardison.
"I thought we was best friends." Hardison muttered.
I turned sharply back to Hardison.
"We are. That gives me the right to call you out. Especially, if your decisions risk the team, and, yes, that was meant for you as well, Nathan." I told Hardison, and turned to Nate.
I could hear Eliot chuckling.
"Don't think you're safe either, Eliot." I turned to him.
Eliot's face dropped quickly.
"You and Hardison are always going at it, especially during the job. I mean, you two bicker like you've been married for 30 years. I'm married to you and we don't bicker that much!" I tell Eliot, maybe flashing my left hand. I turn to Nate.
"And how many times has Eliot and I called you out on your shit, Nathan? A bunch, especially when you were drunk. Granted, you've been good about that since you cleaned up some, except when you sent us up a damn mountain during a snowstorm." I turn to Sophie next.
"And Sophie, you've actually been good lately, other than when we had to blow up our last office because you got greedy. Oh, yeah, and you kept from us that you and Nate were sleeping together." I hear groans from the team.
"Come on, Kaira, really?" Sophie questioned.
"Yes, really, Sophie. Now I have forgiven you for that, but that doesn't mean I didn't forget." I reminded Sophie.
I turned to Parker.
"And going off on your own to help Archie, trying to beat a Steranko, by your damn self? All you had to do was pick up a phone, Parker, and call me at least. Other than that, the only thing is I have to remind you not to stab or taser people and no lifting unless it's needed." I said.
I looked at the whole team. I can tell they weren't happy with me, but right now, I didn't care.
"Look, we're a team. That means working together." I turned to look at Hardison.
"That means not hashing your shit out on the job." I looked at Eliot.
"Or bickering with your partner during a job." I looked at Sophie.
"Or lying to your team." I looked at Nate.
"Or pushing our buttons to get us to do what you want." I looked at Parker.
"Or going off on your own when you have someone who's got your back." I felt the look I was getting from Nate.
"You finished?" Nate asked me.
"Yeah." I scoffed as I left to get ready.
After I cooled down some at my apartment, we all packed our bags to go to Portland. I got our covers, since I've done it before with Hardison, and got us a few hotel rooms. I also managed to figure out that the place was closed on Sunday, but I couldn't hack into the computer system. So, I filled the team in, we went to the building the vault as in.
Third Person POV
Hardison, Kaira, and Nate were outside by the van. Parker was on the roof of the building, getting to the skylight window.
"Okay, Parker, the place is closed on Sundays, and there are no guards, but I want you in and out fast. How long will the vault take you?" Nate said.
Parker was looking through a window on the roof.
"Glenn-Reeder 27-34? Hmm. 8 minutes, tops." Parker reported.
She walked to another window and opened it.
"Go ahead guys. Rock my world." Hardison said.
Kaira and Nate looked at him.
"I thought you were on strike, Hardison." Nate said.
"Why aren't you back at the hotel?" Kaira asked him.
"It's a mental strike. I'm not really here. I'm actually far, far away in my mind. Besides, who's gonna help Parker carry out all those gold bars? You know how much each one of those things weighs? They are heav-y-y-y." Hardison pointed out.
Parker climbed through the window and got on one of the support beams on the ceiling and jumped down, landing smoothly on her feet. She walked up to the vault. She went to type on the keypad, but realized something was missing.
"Hmm? No alarm?" Parker questioned.
She opened the vault door, and realized the gold bars weren't there.
"Or maybe not so heavy." Parker said.
She looked back and made it out. Let's just say, no one was really happy with Hardison's little stunt.
First Person POV (Kaira)
Yeah, I tried giving Hardison the benefit of the doubt, but this pissed me off. So much could've gone wrong had Hardison told us the vault was empty. We wouldn't have let anything go wrong, but this was what I was telling Hardison earlier.
We made it back to the hotel room. Sophie was sitting on the chair, Hardison on another chair, Eliot and I on the couch with Nate, and Parker on the other chair. It had begun raining, which it was Portland. Not surprised.
"No gold, but you still had us break in there?" Sophie questioned Hardison.
"I was on strike." Hardison said.
"You were on strike, huh?" Eliot questioned Hardison, upset.
"Hardison, you're gonna take the lead on this, you got to take the lead." Nate told Hardison.
"Hey, I have the lead on this. I've had the lead on this thing since we left Boston." Hardison said.
"Gladys-Alpha-Unlock. Initiate protocol 271-z-x-t now." Hardison said to his laptop.
Hardison's laptop opened up.
"Hardison, what the hell was that?" I asked him, kinda creeped out.
Hardison walked up to the screen and loaded up his presentation.
"All right. Tommy and Barbara Madsen, owners of the Gold to be Sold! empire. Now, Nate, had you let me run the con, you would know-" Hardison tried to argue.
"Had I let you run it? You said you were taking the lead-" Nate argued back.
"If you let me run the con from the beginning, you would have found out that the Madsens melt down their daily intake of gold and ship it out to their brokers at the end of every day. That vault is almost always empty." Hardison explained.
I had my bitch face on.
"Dammit Hardison! You knew it was empty?" Hardison just shrugged his shoulders.
"Hardison, I'm gonna tell you something. I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? You ever pull this again, I am gonna personally make sure you're off this team, cause I'm gonna break every bone in your body!" Eliot threatened.
This caused everyone to start talking, but I shut them up.
"Hardison, this is how people get hurt or killed! You don't keep information like that from your crew! Yeah, it was low risk, but if that was any other situation, it could've gone a whole hell of a lot worse. What would've happened if there was some bodyguard there that wasn't supposed to be?" I laid into Hardison.
"There wasn't." Hardison tried to argue.
"That's not the goddamn point, Hardison! There could've been a guard there to make sure no one bothered anything. Or just some drugged out thief looking for some easy cash. And they'd probably have a gun, Hardison. Do you realize you could've gotten Parker killed?" I said, probably being harsh, and yeah, it was probably a dick move by me, but it got Hardison's attention.
"That was a dick move, Hardison. Don't do it again, or Eliot will be the least of your problems." I warned him.
"All right. Hardison, what con do you have in mind?" Sophie asked, bringing us back on track before I throttled Hardison.
"The Lazy Dachshund? The Pizarro Pressure Point? What?" Sophie questioned.
"No. Sophie, Sophie. We're not gonna run one of Nate's picturesque 18th century cons, no." Hardison said.
"Oh, really?" I heard Nate muttering.
"We're gonna run a brand-new 21st century con and blow their minds." Hardison explained.
Thunder rolled. Hardison went to his laptop and grabbed a stack of files.
"For you." Hardison said, handing Sophie hers.
Hardison went to Eliot.
"And you." Hardison handed Eliot the file, and Eliot just stared at him.
Hardison put the file in front of him.
"For you." Hardison handed me the file, and I snatched it from him.
"All right. For you." He handed Parker hers.
Hardison walked up to Nate.
"Oh! One for you." Hardison handed Nate his.
"Now, these are full financial, physical, and psychological profiles of our players." Hardison explained as we looked through the file.
"Our marks." Parker pointed out.
"No, our players. I'll explain in a minute." Hardison was behind the couch.
"Uh, Gladys, initiate process 67-H, The Double-Pronged Money Con." Hardison ordered his computer.
"Still creepy." I muttered as Nate got grumpy.
Hardison had a whole tree of steps to this con, and the file was actually kind of genius. Nate started shaking the file and paper attached.
"It's too complicated." Nate said, putting the file now.
He got up and went to the back table. Parker sat beside Eliot.
"No, no, see, see, this new con of the future employs the most addictive, inescapable psychology known to man-" Hardison said as Eliot tapped Parker on the leg, telling her to scotch over.
"Video game design fundamentals." Hardison said.
"Like Pac-Man?" Parker questioned.
"Like any game, really. You see, setting up a player is just like setting up a mark. What you do is you lay out a goal, you set up some obstacles for them to overcome in order to reach that goal, right? Start with player one - Tommy Madsen." Hardison pulled up a dating website.
"Now, Tommy - lonely, lonely Tommy. The man is registered to seven different dating websites. Now, on each of these websites, Tommy has to answer certain questionnaires. Now, what I did was hacked questions from the Kleinfeld-Ochs Psych indicator into his applications." Hardison explained.
I chuckled a bit.
"Not too bad." I said.
"What?" Eliot questioned.
"It's a test designed to measure preferences in how people perceive the world. You know, I-I had a lot of psych exams as a kid. They're actually pretty easy. Well, sometimes I made my doctors cry, but..." Parker explained, leaning on Eliot.
"The questions that Tommy answered peg him as an extroverted hyper-competitive Alpha-male type. He's the flashy face of the company, not too bright, and he's very reward-oriented." Hardison explained.
"So, how are you gonna hook him, Hardison?" Sophie asked.
"By having Sophie and me going in as rivals for a valuable object, having him compete in what will turn out to be a high risk, high reward race, challenging his masculinity? What?" I questioned.
"By implanting the idea of a reward in his subconscious. I hacked into his web browser, and, as you can see, I inserted the word treasure into the side ads to implant the idea of treasure into his thoughts. See now, If Tommy wants the treasure, he's got to play our game. And the game begins with a 19th century gold watch engraved with an old Cantonese inscription." Hardison explained, pulling up the image of the watch.
"Uh, player number two - Barbara Madsen." Hardison pulled her information.
"She is nothing like her brother. I mean, the girl has a degree in chemical engineering. She handles the technical and financial parts of the business." Hardison explained.
"Okay. Right there. That's the rub guys. I think the sister's way too engaged with the business to bite on a treasure hunt. Now, I think what you need to do here is you need to, uh, take the business out of play. Say, shut down the distribution so they can't sell gold. Perhaps the smelter malf-" Nate said, and I light up.
"Ooh, we could say the gold didn't meet quality standards and have to send it back. With all the gold piling up and Barbara freaking out trying to find another distributor, she's more likely to be convinced this treasure hunt is worth it." I said, as I realize Hardison was looking at Nate and me.
"Oh, god, I'm turning into Nathan." I realize.
"No, no. Like, no. Keep going." Hardison said.
"This isn't - no, because I'm not-" Nate argued.
"Hey, this is good." Hardison said.
"No, this is your con, man." I said.
"That's good. See, Nate, unlike you, I'm open to suggestion. I encourage the exchange of ideas. Look, you touched on video game design fundamentals. You see, different people play the same game for different reasons. And as video game designers, our job is to give the players what they crave. Now, Barbara, I mean, she seems a little square. All business up top, right? She majored in chemical engineering. But she minored in archeology." Hardison said.
"So, by hacking into Contillix's servers, like Nate and Kaira suggests, and giving the Madsens' gold a below-par purity rating, well, Miss Madsen has a little R&R time to go explore her little puzzles, and Tommy gets to chase his golden carrot. That's a great idea, you two." Hardison said.
I can't help but smile.
"Okay, I'm a little less pissed at you. It's a solid plan." I said.
Hardison was smiling.
"And I've got a surprise." Hardison pulled up various cards that spun in.
"Bam! Code names for us to use on the comms during the mission. Uh, Parker, you're Gold." Hardison said.
"Oh!" Parker liked that.
"Sophie, you're "Silver", Nate, "Mercury", and Eliot, Kaira, "Mr. Punchy" and Mrs. Punchy"." Hardison said.
I can't help but snicker at the code names. And the card designs looked like superheroes from one of Hardison's comic books. Hardison's code name was "Hardiman".
"You kidding me with that one?" Eliot questioned Hardison, a little grumpy.
Hardison then started the animation, which was punching, then a splat sound. I try to not laugh.
"All right, that's pretty good." Eliot said, a slight smile on his face.
"Punch-y-y-y!" Hardison pointed at Eliot.
"Uh, would you mind writing that in the eval form? It's at the back of your dossier." Hardison asked.
"Ooh, evaluation forms." Sophie said as Sophie, Parker, and I look at the paper.
"A form?" Parker muttered.
"Interesting." I commented.
"Please, uh, fill those out anonymously, and just, you know, give your honest feedback." Hardison said.
"Oh, Nate never wants feedback." Parker pointed out.
"To me, this is a team effort. I'd like to incorporate your ideas. Nate, what are you doing?" Hardison said.
I turned to see Nate writing something on paper.
"Oh, uh, sorry. Writing a letter." Nate said.
"Come on, Nate. You're writing a letter? While you're over there writing snail mail, we're sitting here devising twists for a never-before-done 21st century con." Hardison said.
"Sounds very exciting." Nate said.
"It is." Hardison said. Nate closed up his envelope.
"Now, Hardison, there are only really only seven basic cons, all the rest of them are all derivatives of those seven. They've all been done, see?" Nate said.
I nodded my head.
"He's right." Sophie said.
Hardison chuckled.
"Correction. There were only seven cons until now. See, this - grifters are gonna be talking about this one for years to come. What I've organized is only level one of the Doube-Pronged Monkey." Hardison said.
He clicked a button on his remote, and all of our cards started splitting, adding to the tree.
"Then. It gets complicated." Hardison said. Hardison went into the plan.
Third Person POV
A bit later in the morning, they sent Parker in to sell the watch, getting a low estimate, as the appraiser was working for the Madsens, knowing it would get to Tommy and Barbara immediately, and they'd like it. And since they had all the gold sent back, Barbara had some time to kill.
Then they have Parker sell Tommy and Barbara the box it came in, setting up the treasure hunt aspect of the con with sneaking a Cantonese note in the box.
Outside of a professors building, Parker, Kaira, and Hardison were sitting in the back of the van. They had a box of cereal donuts from and coffee. Eliot was inside, waiting to clear out the professor for Sophie to get in.
"All right. Initiate sub-component two. Clear out the contact." Hardison said.
Kaira was eating a fruity pebbles donut. Parker had a fruit loops donut and coffee in hand, a took a sip of coffee. Hardison had the phone ringing so Parker could clear out the professor. Hardison went to grab the coffee from her.
"Pa - hel - excuse you." Hardison said.
"What? Me?" Parker questioned.
"The phone." Hardison said.
Parker squawked.
"Yes. Now. Thank you." Hardison said.
Parker answered the phone.
"Hello?" Parker said.
Hardison took a sip of Parker's coffee, which had red lipstick on the rim. Kaira chuckled.
"Ah, Professor Altidore, this is Naomi Lineker from the Asian-American studies at Grinnell College. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. We would be interested in having you come and speak at that seminar." Parker tried to take a bit of her donut, but Hardison grabbed it.
"No, stop. No, stop." Hardison told Parker.
"Yeah!" Parker said.
Kaira silently warned Hardison not to do what she thought he was about to do.
"Uh, celebrating the subaltern in the Asian American immigrant experience." Hardison took a bite of Parker's donut.
"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Great. We'll be in touch. Thank you so much. Okay. Bye." Parker wrapped up quickly and hung up the phone to grab the donut from Hardison, who was playing keep away with it.
"Give it to me. Give it to me." Parker all but ordered Hardison.
"Stop. Please." Hardison said.
"Hardison, give her the damn donut." Kaira warned Hardison.
Hardison ignored her and she groaned.
Inside the building, Eliot was walking in, denium jacket, and jeans, leather messenger bag across his shoulder, reading a book. Eliot switched out the stuff so it could look like Sophie's office. Eliot walked back out.
Then when they saw the Madsen walk up, Nate and Sophie faked an argument.
"Tommy's competitive. Ramp it up. Ramp it up." Hardison said, listening from the van.
Nate took ramping up as pretending to hurt Sophie.
"That's your version of ramping it up?" Kaira muttered to herself.
Tommy kicked Nate out, and Sophie set up his cover as a rival.
First Person POV (Kaira)
Eliot had come back to the van. Parker had grabbed an M&M coated donut. He tried grabbing my donut, but I smacked his hand off.
"Get your own damn donut." I said.
"Well, look. Introducing Nate as a rival locks in value for the treasure hunt." Hardison said as Eliot grabbed a chocolate glazed donut with peanut butter and chocolate topping from the box from Voodoo Donuts (A/N Which, fun fact, is a real business in Portland Oregon. Road trip anyone? Cause those donuts look damn good!) and sat the box down on the van floor.
"How?" Parker asked.
"Cause Tommy's so competitive, when Nate showed up, it was impossible for him to resist." Eliot explained as he ate his donut.
"It's the alpha male mindset." I added.
"Sophie, the treasure hunt is still a hoax to you, okay? Make the Madsens work harder to convince you." Hardison said.
I notice Eliot was looking at his donut weird.
Sophie sold the inscription on the watch as a Bible verse from the King James edition of the Bible. Tommy told Sophie about the document and Barbara said she thought it was a code.
"Don't buy into the treasure just yet, okay? Show a little resistance to the idea of it." Hardison reminded Sophie.
As sophie pretended to be resistant to the treasure legend, I saw Eliot once again going through the box of donuts as I grabbed a Lucky Charms donut, which had a bite mark in it.
"Did you take a bite of all of these?" Eliot asked.
Parker had a Fruit Loop donut in her hand.
"Well, I had to see which one I wanted." Parker said, donut still in her mouth.
"Parker! That's disgusting!" I exclaimed.
"Wow. Really?" Hardison questioned.
"What-" Eliot questioned.
I still ate the damn donut. What, it was good!
I heard Sophie translated the document, and selling the location of the treasure as in the tunnels. We then packed up to leave, getting part 3 of this crazy con started.
Third Person POV
Underneath the city, Hardison, Parker, Kaira, and Eliot were getting set up for the con. They saw Nate walking towards them, wearing helmets with flashlights.
"Hey Nathan." Kaira said, looking at Nate.
"Sure the Madsens can find this place? I almost got lost." Nate said.
"But you didn't, did you? Because we used video game art design techniques to subconsciously lead you." Hardison explained.
"Alright, this con is pretty genius, not gonna lie, Hardison." Kaira said.
Hardison smiled.
Earlier, the team added the arrows and signage to sell the con.
"Using arrows, signage and lighting, sound effects... we're giving the gamers what they want. They want to be cold, they want to be scared. They want an adventure. Let's give it to them." Hardison said.
They got ready for the next part of the con. Hardison was at his laptop, tracking the Madsens as Eliot and Kaira got ready, Parker and Nate beside them.
"All right, Mr. and Mrs. Punchy. The Madsens are almost here. Now, remember you're playing Tobias and Jane Bowden, Granzen's underestimated, unappreciated underlings." Hardison said their covers.
"Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna play him like that." Eliot said.
"Hey, that's okay guy. That's okay, because I encourage initiative." Hardison said.
"I can play Jane like that." Kaira added.
"But just remember, you work for Granzen, your cold... insensitive boss." Hardison said, looking at Nate.
Eliot and Kaira's lights shown on Nate's face, causing him to black his face before they moved.
"You got any notes on how I can play cold and insensitive?" Nate asked sarcastically.
Nate walked past.
"Just be the bastard we love to hate, Nathan." Kaira patted his shoulder as he groaned.
"Oh, Mercury. You're a natural." Hardison said as Kaira and Eliot joined him.
"Natural" Parker said, giving a thumbs up with Hardison.
"What's my character's name again?" Parker asked Hardison.
"Gold." Hardison said.
"Apples?" Parker asked.
"Gold. Gold." Hardison said.
"Apple ax." Parker said over top.
A bit later, Barbara and Tommy arrived and opened the door. Eliot, Nate, and Kaira were off to the side, and started arguing about a machine, with Nate saying it was the wrong machine, but Kaira and Nate argued it was either this one or another machine. Nate then started walking up to Tommy, Eliot and Kaira behind him.
"Oh, wow. Look who's here. Oh, yeah. I remember you. Yeah, the tough guy." Nate said.
Tommy got defensive as Barbara looked around.
"South wall of the east-facing alcove." Barbara said.
"Cipher? Yeah, you know where the cipher is, huh?" Nate questioned.
"Is that what-" Nate said as Tommy told him to back off.
"I know exactly where the treasure is." Barbara said.
"So would we if someone's huge ego didn't get in the way of the goal!" Kaira exclaimed at Nate.
Nate scoffed.
"In these walls?" Eliot questioned.
"These are the sub foundations for the buildings above. This concretes at least two feet thick." Eliot added.
"You're gonna need us if it is buried in here, which I don't know if it is. But you're gonna need a Seekson 560 drill to get through the cement and mortar." Nate said.
"You need a 560 drill." Eliot added over top.
"That's right, which I know you don't have." Nate said.
"A what?" Tommy questioned.
"A Seekson 560 Long-Hole drill. Very expensive, highly regulated in the state of Oregon, yeah, which is why you need me, caused I have my engineer, Bowden, and his girl, here, they have access to one of those drills." Nate said.
"More like I have an old boyfriend in construction who owes me a favor." Kaira added.
"Now, I'd get one. I'm just not liquid right now to get something like that." Nate said.
"I said I could call in that favor, Granzen." Kaira added.
"We don't need to." Nate brushed her off.
"But, uh, give me the 34 G for the drill, we'll go 50/50 on the treasure." Nate said.
"Give us your card. I'll think about it and give you a call." Barbara said.
Nate handed her a card. Tommy and Barbara left.
Nate and Hardison went to the top, back out onto the street.
"You blown away, Nate?" Hardison asked.
"What?" Nate questioned.
"Come on, man. You know, like-like the dude in that famous Maxell Stereo commercial - chillin' back in the leather chair, but instead of sound, you're blown away by the power of my mind. Come on, man." Hardison said as Nate chuckled and smiled.
"Now, listen, man. Don't get ahead of yourself. You know, the Madsens haven't made up their mind yet." Nate said.
"Nate, they're already hooked. You know it." Hardison said.
"It's a good plan. I'll give you that." Nate said as they started walking away.
"Thank you. Was that so hard? No." Hardison said.
"Listen, Hardison. The only thing success teaches you in this job is the next time, make it a little tougher. And tougher means more risk, more danger, more pressure on yourself. And that pressure begins to take a toll. You know, you begin to see the absolute worst in people. Their sins, their weaknesses, things you take advantage of. And after a while, you realize that maybe the job has changed you. And not always for the better." Nate explained.
He kept walking as Hardison stopped.
The next day, the crew got ready for the second to last part of the con. Eliot, Kaira, and Nate left to go meet the Madsens. Hardison and Sophie were back at the hotel, watching the tracking from the laptop.
"Okay, Mercury, Mr., and Mrs. Punchy, Tommy Madsen is inbound with a check for $34,000 dollars. Up top. Give me some." Hardison said, holding his hand up for a high five.
"Uh, no. I don't high-high five. But well done." Sophie said.
"Thak you. Would you mind putting that on the evaluation form?" Hardison asked Sophie.
"Oh. Okay." Sophie said, going to write.
"Thanks." Hardison said.
First Person POV (Kaira)
We were waiting for Tommy Madsen to arrive. Eliot had the animation of his character playing on his phone, and was amused by it. I kinda was too. He was showing it to Nate.
"What am I looking at?" Nate asked.
"Just check it out." Eliot said.
I heard the splat effect.
"Seriously?" Nate questioned.
I held the bridge of my nose. I let go.
"How have I been married to you for 2 years?" I asked Eliot.
He just chuckled as he put his phone down.
"Oh, because you love me." Eliot joked around, booping my nose, causing a smile on my face.
"Somedays." I teased.
"Not now." Nate brought us in line.
Eliot went back to looking at his character.
"Parker, you good?" Nate said.
"Yeah, I'm good." Parker came over comms from inside the tunnels.
"Hardison, we're ready." Nate said.
"You know what? To tell you the truth, I had no idea." Hardison said.
"About what?" Eliot asked, putting his phone away.
"Oh, you know, when things come together so smoothly, when it all just clicks according to your beautiful and complicated plan... just how sorry you feel for them." Hardison said.
"For them? No. For us, yes." Nate said.
"Oh, you're just jealous of the puppet master." Hardison said.
Sophie and Hardison argued about hand signs.
"All right, guys, Tommy Madsen is here." Nate reported.
Tommy had pulled up in his car and walked up to us, getting the check from his jacket. Nate opened the envelope and looked at the check.
"Why is it made out to the mining equipment company?" Nate asked.
"Yep. New terms. 70/30 split." Tommy said.
"But that's not what we agreed to, though." Nate argued.
"That was-that was with my sister. And she is not a good negotiator. 70/30 split. We did all the heavy lifting, we found the location. We deserve a bigger cut. 70/30." Tommy said.
"Okay, these are all valid points, Nate. Just take the deal. J-j-just take the damn deal." Hardison came over comms.
"Yeah, I'm trying to, Hardison." Nate whispered.
"What?" Tommy asked Nate.
"What?" The three of us said.
"Yeah. 70/30. Good." Nate accepted.
"Call us when you're ready to hit the tunnels." Tommy said.
"This is what I was afraid of." Nate said.
A bit later, we got the drill and our set up ready. Nate walked up to us with it.
"It's just gonna take a couple of minutes. I'm going three feet into that wall. Why don't you wait outside." Nate said.
"Yeah, so you can run away with al the gold. I wasn't born yesterday." Tommy said.
"Mr. Grazen's right - you can't be around this piece of equipment when it's working. It's a very dangerous piece of equipment." Eliot said.
"Stuff flies off the wall, sparks happen. We do have three CCTV's up, so you can watch us. There, there, and there." I grabbed a tablet and showed the footage, pointing out the cameras.
Nate then got us to leave.
As we shut the door, I mouthed "good luck" to Nate. We watched Madsen and Tommy react excitedly to the footage of Nate getting the gold. Tommy and Barbara hugged each other, excited to get the treasure. That's when our little surprise started. Rumbling was heard, and water started gushing out of the wall on the tablet. Then rocks crashed on Nate, and the CCTV went dead. Banging on the door was heard and water gushed out underneath the door.
"What's going on?" Barbara asked.
"We need to go now!" I said, acting scared.
"Did he-did he-" Tommy said.
"Yeah. Yeah. Let's go." Eliot said, ushering the three of us out.
How we managed to pull off our little tunnel collapse was: Hardison ordered a lot of apple juice and filled fire extinguisher canisters up with it. I helped add some gold dust to the hole we were drilling, and Parker was behind, shooting the apple juice out. Hardison had used speakers for the rumbling sound effects, and Nate banged on the door with a sledgehammer. Then they had tin buckets of apple juice that they splashed underneath to look like more was coming through.
We made it to the top and put back on the facade.
"That's it, man. I'm out of here. Deal's off." Eliot said.
"For once, I agree." I tried to get Eliot to leave, but Tommy and Barbara stopped us, asking us why.
"Lenny Granzen is dead! That is now an active crime scene." I exclaimed, though quiet enough so passerbys wouldn't hear us.
"He knew the risks going in. If we don't go after that gold, it'll be in vain. There's got to be another way in, through the floor of the sub-basement." Tommy said.
I pretended to start getting emotional.
"And risk the landlord learning about us, huh? How's that gonna work out?" Eliot said.
"And since it's on the landlord's property, he has the rights to the gold." I explained.
"The only way to get to the gold is to contain the whole place, the whole situation." Eliot said. "How do we do that?" Barbara asked.
"We've got to own the whole damn building and everything that's underneath it and all the mineral rights. That's it." Eliot explained.
We turn to leave.
"Help us out." Tommy offered.
Eliot and I turned.
"I'll make it worth your while." Tommy said.
Eliot and I looked at each other, acting like we were trying to decide to go along with it.
"Come on. We're so close." Barbara said.
"All right. I know the owner. Okay, and he has been talking about selling this place for a couple of years." Eliot said.
"Another guy who owes me a favor." I added.
"What's he asking for it?" Barbara asked.
"$4.2 million dollars. Million dollars." Eliot said.
"Million, that's-" Tommy said.
"You have that kind of money?" I asked.
"Cause I don't have that kind of money. I'm on city salary here." Eliot said.
"Which is why we needed that gold!" I added, acting desperate.
"Let's go it." Barbara said.
"J-just like that?" Eliot questioned.
"Woman, you are insane." I added.
"You convince your buddy to close at $4 million ASAP and we will cut you in for 10% of the treasure. Are you two game?" Tommy asked us.
I nodded to go ahead and say yes.
"All right." Eliot said.
We left.
"Let me get this straight. The watch, the cheat, the cipher, the Cantonese bible, t-t-the tunnel cave-in-" Sophie said over comms.
"Well, it was a fake cave-in. You see, the rocks were just painted styrofoam." Hardison said.
"Whatever - a staged tragic death... all for a land deal?" Sophie questioned.
"It's impressive, huh?" Hardison said.
"Hardison, I once pulled off a land deal with half a glass of champagne and a low-cut dress." Sophie said.
"I closed a land deal with a flask of whiskey and breaking the hand of a handsy guy." I added.
"Look, a land deal needs an attorney. Who's gonna close this deal?" Sophie asked.
I realized there was one person left who hadn't been involved yet.
"Oh, no." I said, realizing it was Hardison.
"I'm saving that last piece of this beautiful symphony for myself." Hardison said.
Eliot got off his phone.
"Yeah, well, you better hurry up, all right, cause the Madsens just called, and they're so excited, they want to push the closing up till tomorrow morning." Eliot said.
I groaned.
"How's that fit into your symphony, Hardison?" I asked.
"Wait, no. Wait, wait. I - I mean, I'm not even ready. I don't even have a Swiss bank account to transfer the funds into." Hardison said.
I groaned again. Of course, right at the end the shit had to hit the fan.
"Well, you better find one. And you better find a real-estate attorney's office. And clear it out quick." Nate said, coming up from the tunnels.
"I'm getting sick of this, man. You'd better have this down, Hardison." Eliot said.
Parker joined us, and Nate stood beside me.
"All our identities were burned on other parts of the con." Parker pointed out.
"It's all on you, Hardison." Nate said.
"God help him." I added, feeling bad, kinda.
"How am I gonna do this?" Hardison asked, genuinely worried.
"You're the puppet master. Pull your strings." Nate said.
Sophie said jazz hands.
"Put on a suit, smile, and ring some dorbells." I said.
We met back at the hotel. I gave Hardison some encouraging words and went to bed.
The next day was showtime. Hardison went in, got an office, and tried doing the deal. But, he failed to take into account the question "is it worth it?" Then Hardison's cover got blown. Luckily, Nate was there with the getaway. Of course, Hardison was upset his con screwed up. But all was not lost.
See, Nate had a backup plan. Eliot, Parker, and I ended up using the deal as a distraction to break into the vault with all the gold piling up. We may have blown through the floor of the vault. And earlier, as it turns out, Parker had lifted the necklace for our client.
And Hardison had gotten the list of customers and he wrote out restitution checks to everyone. I ended up sitting at the table with Hardison, wanting to help him to write the checks, as I felt bad for being an ass earlier. Eliot walked in and walked up to the table.
"How many restitution checks you writing?" Eliot asked Hardison.
"Uh, so far, 200. I've got 100 to go." Hardison said.
"Hardison, can you let me help please?" I asked him.
"Kaira, let me do this, please." Hardison told me.
"I'm gonna keep you company, then." I said.
I had started my form.
"You got mail." Eliot said.
"I'm out, man." Eliot told Nate, then looked at me.
"I'll be in in a bit, babe." I told Eliot.
"All right." Eliot said as he left.
I saw Hardison open the envelope and read the paper, which I recognized was Nate's handwriting, and I saw the list of three things Nate wrote down. They were a drill, choke of distribution, and to break into the vault. Hardison was surprised.
"How?" Hardison asked Nate, who was sitting at the other table.
"How could you have possibly known this?" Hardison asked.
"I knew enough. I knew you had a complicated con in the works. And I knew, as long as we had those three things on the list and that Barbara Madsen was distracted from all that gold piling up in that useless vault, that we had a shot at taking over the family business. You never count on the perfect plan. The perfect plan, it has too many moving parts, and it's... you got to expect the perfect plan to fail. I mean, that's what I do." Nate explained.
"Then what do you count on?" Hardison asked.
"I count on the simplest and ugliest plan, not plan "A", no, but like plan "G", for example. I start with plan "G". Now, the quick, simple, plan that I know is gonna work if everything goes bad. I just pretty it up a little bit, add this and that. I gave you a backup plan. That's all." Nate explained.
I saw Nate looking at the newspaper he was holding.
"You know, Hardison, you should be proud." Nate said.
"Proud? My first job completely fell apart." Hardison said, sad.
"Hey... it was a good plan. It was a smart plan, clever. Don't sell yourself short." Nate said.
I can't help but smile. Hardison went back to writing restitution checks. Nate quickly filled out his form. He then walked up to Hardison and gave it to him.
"What's this?" Hardison asked as Nate went to his stairs.
"Oh, uh, it's an evaluation form. Good night, Hardison. Good night, Kaira." Nate said.
Hardison read the form.
"Hey, Nathan." Hardison said.
Nate stopped on his steps.
"Thanks, man." Hardison said.
Nate gave a smile before he continued walking up the stairs.
I waited until Nate was out of view as Hardison went back to writing checks.
"I'm sorry I was an ass about you running the con." I said.
"It's okay, Kaira." Hardison said.
He looked at me. "Why don't you head home?" Hardison said.
"I will soon." I said.
I put my pencil down.
"Hardison, your plan, it was working." I said.
"Until it wasn't." Hardison said, writing out the checks.
"Hey, Nate was right. Don't sell yourself short." I said.
He was still writing checks.
"Hardison, look at me." I said.
He turned to look at me.
"You're the smartest man I know. Only you could've come up with a con as crazy as this one." I said.
"You could've." Hardison chuckled.
I chuckled.
"No. If it was me, I'd shut down the distribution, send Barbara and Tommy on an all-expenses paid weekend vacation, and break into the vault. Simple, don't need to control the mark." I explained.
Hardison got sad.
"Hey. Your con would've worked. What went wrong was you relied too much on the mark. You didn't plan for the Madsens to get excited, or them to realize it wasn't worth it. You raised the stakes too fast. Do you understand?" I said.
Hardison nodded.
"You still did good, Hardison. I'm proud of you." I said, moving to sit beside Hardison.
"Thanks, Kaira. I appreciate it." Hardison said, a slight smile on his face.
"You're a good man, Hardison. Always remember that." I gave a smile.
I put my form in front of him and pecked his cheek.
"Good night, Hardison." I said as I left.
I could see Hardison reading his form.
"Thanks, Kaira. Good night." He said.
I left and went to my apartment. I changed and joined Eliot for bed. This was one strange con.