I close my eyes and the same images are playing over and over again on a constant loop. All I see is him, and her…she's on my counter top legs spread wide and wrapped around his waist, her fingers clawing at the back of his neck. Him standing in between her legs pumping in and out. I hear the moaning and heavy breathing of both of them as he increases in speed.

I take another shot of whiskey that burns my throat but that doesn't stop me from knocking back the one right next to it and tapping the bar top for another.

Brett, the bartender eyes me with a raised eyebrow. He reluctantly pours the next one and hands it to me, but before letting go he warns "This is your final shot Rayna, until you get some food in you."

"Brett come on, you and I both know I can handle my liquor."

"That was a long time ago Rayna, we aren't kids anymore. I'm not giving you anymore."

Anger scorches through me like a raging forest fire. I push away from the bar, and stand feeling nowhere near drunk.

"I've had a really bad day Brett, a really really bad day. Can you please pour me another?" My hand curls over the countertop as I plead. I can feel the corners of my mouth begin to drop down and my tears starting to rise to the surface. "I'm sorry, but I just can't." He reaches for the empty shot glass sitting in front of me. I grab it before he does, and grasp it tightly, so tight I can see my knuckles turning white. I'm breathing heavy, and trying to hold everything inside of me. I shove the glass across the top of the counter and it slides past him falling and shattering into a million pieces. I grab my purse from the back of the stool and take off.

I made the choice to stay with Teddy 15 years ago. I married him, I had a daughter for him. I moved to Bell Meade and built this ridiculous mansion he insisted we needed. I paid for the granite counter top I caught him banging Peggy on an hour ago.

The moment I step outside, I pull my hat down off of my head and scream in frustrating throwing it down to ground. I feel the tears beginning to slide down my eyes and I slam my fist into the wall and kick the brick in response to the pain. My face is burning hot and now so is my hand. How naïve could I be? After all of these years, him saying they're just friends…were they ever just friends? Where else had they fucked in the house I paid for, my bed?

"I've busted my hand more than a few times trying to box with a brick wall. You'll never win."

I look down at my red, bleeding and scratched up hands. I don't need to turn around to know whose snide comment was just directed at me. He's leaning up against the bar entrance with his arms crossed and that smirk. Fuck that smirk!

"I really wish Brett would have minded his own damn business tonight!" I stood next to him, leaning my back into the same brick wall I tried to punch a hole through a few minutes before. I started rubbing my knuckles and the throbbing pain started to increase.

"Let me see those." He takes my hands in his and rubs them back and forth ever so gently. "I'll go inside and grab you some ice. You go sit in the booth in the back." He grabs my hat off of the floor and puts it back on my head. He pushes my hair behind my ears and grabs the door for me. "You might want to keep that on if you don't want to be recognized."

I walk to the booth and sink myself down into the seat and hide my face the best way I know how. I doubt anyone has recognized me, but I did just cause a massive scene and break some glass so I was getting plenty of stares. He slides into the booth sitting right beside me with a bucket of ice and a towel. He wraps my knuckles in the white bar towel and places them into the ice slowly. I wince as they go deeper into the bucket.

"I can't even remember how many times I've had to do this for you."

He just nodded.

When he was all done he looked me in the eyes and I couldn't hold anything back anymore. Tears start rolling down my eyes and he pulls me in close to his chest. I cry as quietly as I could but I can feel even more eyes looking our direction.

"What happened Ray? Come on, talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want drink way too much, maybe dance a little, and sleep anywhere that is not the multimillion dollar home I built." He sighed and pulled me in closer to his chest. We sat in silence as I just let it all out into his flannel shirt. When I finally came up for a breath, he just looked at me. He cupped my face in is hands and gently wiped the tears away. "I'll go get you something to eat, and another whiskey. But you only get the whiskey if you eat at least half the meal first."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as he left the booth to head to the bar. I looked around and no one seemed to be staring at me anymore but I wonder how long that lasts. I left my hands in the ice and leaned my head back against the booth and closed my eyes. I am not a perfect wife, but I took my vows seriously and never ever cheated. There were plenty of opportunities and on more than a few occasions I came dangerously close. But I could never bring myself to follow through with it…maybe I should have.

"Here you go." He slide back in beside me giving me only the food. "And where is my drink?" I took a fry and started examining my burger. When was the last time I had a burger? "He will bring it over once I give him the secret signal." "I don't need you to babysit me, I don't even know why he called you." "Come on Ray, can you blame him? When was the last time you showed up here and acted like this. He cares about you that's it."

I finished my burger and as promised my drink was delivered. "So are we going to talk about it?" I wiped my mouth with a napkin and stared to stand up "No, actually we are not. I'm going to the ladies room, you can order me another."

I got up and slammed my empty glass onto the table. I was walking a little wobbly but I didn't care. I pulled my hat down a little and bee lined it to the restroom in the back. I went straight to the stall and broke the seal and pulled out my phone. 20 missed calls and a handful of text messages, all from Teddy. "Rayna call me. We need to talk. Where are you?" I turned off my phone and went to wash my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. I get to break down tonight, he doesn't need to know where I am. I can be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. Screw him and his talking.

I walked back to the table and saw a full glass of whiskey waiting for me. I grabbed it, took a long sip and turned to Deacon reaching out my hand, "Dance with me." He hesitated for a moment but ultimately grabbed my hand and I led us to the dance floor. I positioned him beside me and interlaced our fingers placing his left arm over my shoulder and placing my right arm over his waist. We two stepped to the song, with me leading and a few turns here and there. Deacon has always been a good dancer, I learned how to two step from him. The song ended and he tried to pull away but I wouldn't let him. The song slowed down so I pulled him in close to me. I placed his arms around my waist, and I buried my face into this chest. "I can't remember the last time you let me hold you this close." I could… it was the night we made Maddie.

I never crossed that line I created when I found out I was pregnant with Maddie. I made a choice for our daughter, that was the hardest decision of my life. I chose my daughter over the love of my life. I knew the second I saw two lines on that stick I had to let Deacon go to protect the child I was now carrying. Deacon never laid a hand on me when he was drunk. He broke every stick of furniture in our apartment, he blacked out, he disappeared for nights at a time, he lied and manipulated, but he never touched me. But I wouldn't let him disappoint and emotionally damage our child the way he had me. The night we made Maddie was the last night I let him hold me this tight. I never allowed him to get this close to me again because I would have done something I shouldn't. It's hard to explain how intoxicating his is to me, but it's like he's my own special blend of whiskey that I crave every minute of every day. And if I let myself have just one sip, I'll finish the bottle without even knowing it.

I lift my head off of his chest, I place the palm of my hand gently on his cheek and run my fingers back and forth "Can we get out of here?" He looked at me puzzled and looked around the dance floor. I step back grabbing his hand in mine and walk us towards the door. We are outside and I am walking towards my car but he pulls me into the alley. "Ray what are you doing?" I push him up against the wall and say, "I want you to take me somewhere and make me forget the last 15 years. I want you… and I'm tired of making myself choose the life I never wanted. Make me forget all of the pain, all of the choices… just remind me what it feels like to lie next to you and feel like I never left." He didn't say anything, just looked at me stunned and unsure of what to do. I step closer to him and push my arms into his chest, my lips are inches from his and I whisper "Make me forget." And I kissed him. He moaned into the kiss grabbing a head full of my hair. He flipped me into the wall deepening the kiss and lifting my right leg up positioning himself closer to me. I could feel how hard he was through his jeans and he pushed rubbing himself against me. As intoxicating as it was I pulled my lips from his and said, "Let's go before someone sees."