Okay this week really seemed to drag by, didn't it?

I feel like these past few chapters I've gained more readers, so that's always really exciting. *waves* I have got to say, THANKS for not freaking out last week yall. I've been dreading that chapter for a while in terms of posting, as I know that no one really enjoys those chapters. I can't say I particularly enjoyed writing it – and I would be remiss if I tried to pretend that the rest of the story was all sunshine and rainbows here on because that would be soo sickeningly sweet I'd get cavities just from reading it.

Anywho, yall enjoy the read!

...

...

It had been over two weeks.

Two weeks.

Seventeen days to be exact, and the fact that Levi even knew that at all only served to piss him off.

The days had all passed by as routinely as ever – meeting his squad in the morning, running over conditioning and sequences, tweaking the Omega formation, followed by cleaning and other more routine duties that his squad was tasked with on a regular basis – but he found more often than not that he spent the entirety of each day tense and irritable.

He had known full well that things had become…different between himself and Petra - ever since she had spent over four straight days at his bedside and then almost every evening since, right beside him in his office while they worked on his paperwork together – he wasn't blind to the fact that things had shifted between them as a result. It's just that, he wasn't aware of how much things had shifted, how much he had grown to enjoy her company over the past three months – until he found all his spare hours being suddenly spent alone.

While he wouldn't say that Petra was going as far as intentionally avoiding him, there was a notable distance that had been wedged between them ever since the aftermath of the banquet. She didn't seek him out for conversation, walked back after training with the Squad instead of him, and she had stopped coming into his office after dinner hours entirely.

When they saw each other in the mornings before duty, she always issued a pleasant and warm, "Good morning Captain!"

It was always welcoming; it was always professional – and it always pissed him off.

He knew there was more she was thinking, more that she wanted to say than a mere 'Good morning Captain' – and he had unknowingly been waiting for her to watch him with a sort of embittered gaze or maybe blush and look away each time he came into the room, something to acknowledge the fact that there had been a sort of falling out between them, but it never came, not even once - and that pissed him off too.

In terms of duty, she consistently baffled him. She was just as hard of a worker, didn't get distracted by her emotions, didn't attempt to watch him with a lingering stare from things left unsaid – for the most part it really was like there was nothing wrong between them. If it weren't for the fact that her daily schedule had so notably changed to not involve him, he might have actually believed that Petra really was fine.

He supposed her ability to wear a brave face and not allow their situation to impact her work ethic was admirable to some extent; her ability to carry on in the midst of their tension being something a bit of a shock to him because he was not graced with that same skill set. He was irritated that Petra was so professionally going about her day without so much as a step out of line, while somehow still managing to give him the cold shoulder that made him perpetually question where he stood in her eyes.

Was she angry? Sad? Was she too afraid to talk to him perhaps?

Either reaction, any reaction would have been acceptable to him and while he had been initially irritated by her calm exterior, he figured that she would wear herself out eventually and her real feelings would bubble up to the surface if given enough time. He had assumed that after a few days of false pretenses, she might pull him aside, blow up in his face, or perhaps smart off during drills, but the days passed one by one without so much as a hint toward her actual thoughts, only giving him yet another annoyingly charming 'Good morning Captain!' with each new day.

For as long as he had known his subordinate, he had never had a more difficult time reading her than he did right now, and it was utterly and completely exasperating.

Whereas Petra could apparently carry on with business as usual with little effort, Levi could not. He found he was constantly tense, frustrated by the smallest of things, and in a perpetually bad mood. He had assigned more laps in these past two weeks alone than he had assigned throughout the entire last quarter, a majority of his squad was bruised head to toe from some perhaps deserved, but still brutal beatings, and more than once he had caught himself staring at Petra with a narrowed gaze that lingered on her specifically, as though if he looked close enough he'd figure out what he wanted to know and finally be able to move on.

Thanks to Levi's constant dark outlook, the squad was also painfully aware that something was wrong between the pleasant, but admittedly quiet Petra, and the dark foreboding Captain that looked as though he were ready to snap at any given moment. It had happened multiple times over the past few weeks, but Levi had been pulled aside more than once by his various squad members, being asked with spooked expressions what happened between the two of them and if he was okay because Petra seemed fine but he… They never quite had the nerve to finish their question –

And that pissed him off too.

Levi gave a sharp exhale and forcefully leaned back into his office chair, irritated that the surface of his desk was absolutely littered with reports and graphs that he needed to work on but didn't have the motivation to actually complete. He had gotten so used to Petra helping him out with his paperwork that he wasn't used to the burden solely falling on him again, and without her constant presence and admirable work ethic, he was already behind.

Try as he may, he couldn't focus, and frankly didn't give a damn about the numbers.

He crossed his arms and shook his head in thought, finding that he was dwelling on the event yet again for what felt like the tenth time today.

When he had walked away from her room all those nights ago, he had expected she would be hurting for some time but things would go back to normal to some degree. It wasn't that he ever wished any pain on Petra – quite the opposite – he had wronged her and it was for her sake that he hoped she moved on quickly, but because he did want Petra to heal and move on, it bothered him that he couldn't tell if she was okay, or if she was still bleeding because of their fallout.

What was more, he truly hadn't expected that he himself would feel…

He bit back a sigh and rocked in his chair for a split second, looking at the spot where Petra would always sit, the empty chair just to the side of his desk bringing a mixed sort of nostalgia and bitterness to mind. His office had previously been so consistently full of her laughter, their conversations, her smiles and their unexpected comfort and familiarity, and eventually, their unrecognized flirting and teasing. What was once the norm had changed again, into something that made the devoid room resoundingly so desolate and so…

So lonely.

It had been two weeks of him, alone in his office – his subordinates avoiding him like the plague because of his bad mood - and as a result, there was nothing to distract himself from the fact that everything that had slowly become his new routine, had been ripped out from underneath him all at once. He hadn't recognized it in the moment, but everything had involved her. Morning drills, putting their gear away, settling down after dinner to do the office work – it all involved a certain ginger, and after being by her side so consistently for weeks on end, he was more than used to her company. They would talk about anything and everything, she would laugh at whatever he said that she apparently found to be amusing; other times she'd need his help and he'd move up over her shoulder, leaning over her as they worked the problem out together. More than once he had intentionally leaned down closer than necessary, simply to watch her blush as she tried to play it off, like his extreme closeness didn't cause her to become flustered and embarrassed, and he would pretend not to notice and lean even closer still, as though so engrossed by the numbers that he simply hadn't realized how close he had gotten.

What was more, while he hadn't recognized it in the day to day grind, it wasn't just himself and Petra that found a new sort of routine since the wedding; it was his entire squad. They were all used to himself and Petra walking together, having conversations that rarely involved anyone but the two of them, the squad knew that they would see Petra for dinner but after she cleaned up, it was public knowledge that she'd be in his office until curfew.

When Petra suddenly reappeared in the squad without warning, it had disrupted the squad's actual normal – something Levi hadn't realized would happen in the moment – and as a result, it wasn't just Levi that had been walking on eggshells over the past few weeks now. His squad seemed to tip toe around him, tip toe around Petra… it had been over two weeks of Fucking. Miserable. Hell.

The only one that seemed completely unfazed was Petra, although Levi knew full well that it was just a mask. The pain was there he knew, he just couldn't see it.

It was frustrating because his inability to decisively handle his role with Petra was bleeding out and poisoning the entire team, but thanks to Petra's shockingly formidable poker face, he had no idea how to fix it or what angle he could even address it from. He could only sit there and watch as his team continued to get more uncomfortable, speak less and less, have more individual and hushed conversations, and watch him with pitying doe eyes when they saw him walking in the hallway.

And, surprise surprise, that pissed him off too.

Levi groaned and rubbed his eyes.

This was exactly why he had wanted to avoid getting into a relationship with her in the first place!

And the strange thing was, he was still quite sure that he wasn't, and had never been, in a relationship with Petra. They had been spending a lot of time together to be sure, but it was born out of her desire to learn a new skill set and grow in her career – not press any boundaries and try to develop a romantic relationship with him on the side.

It was just…he had underestimated her ability to grow on him, he supposed. There was an undeniable comfort he felt with her. He wasn't so guarded, wasn't so suspicious – and when Petra seemed to grow in that same comfort around him, whether it be shoving his arm or teasing him, daring to drop their cut-out roles of rank and titles, it hadn't bothered him enough to say something. If anything, no, he had actually enjoyed the change in their interactions, and he supposed he had unintentionally encouraged Petra to some extent by not correcting her.

At the time, it was nothing more to him than seemingly harmless fun that wouldn't ever go anywhere - he didn't think it would even matter…But that night, when she looked so good and she watched him with that expression, so clearly thinking about what it would be like to actually kiss him, the way she was talking about him and defending him, the way she was just so Petra, he knew he was a lost cause and had gotten caught up in his own game.

He had kissed her, and that changed things.

Or perhaps, Levi corrected his thoughts pensively, it merely highlighted how much things had already changed between them. The fact Petra had wanted him to see her in such a light, as something more than just his subordinate, and the fact that he was comfortable enough to reciprocate and pursue her affection so brazenly - he knew full well that would have never happened had they gone to that exact same banquet three months prior.

It wasn't the kiss at all, he reasoned with himself, no, it was everything that had led up to it.

He liked Petra, truly. He wouldn't deny his friendship with her, even now – but he didn't want a relationship of that sort with her, or anybody for that matter. It was too troublesome, and what the fuck did he know about that sort of thing? Even this small…whatever it was that was between them…had already caused so much trouble and conflict and while he wasn't trying to downplay the heartache – the fact was it had been admittedly minimal; a few months of teasing and a moment of passion - so Levi could only imagine the sort of hellfire that might result if they ever tried to actually agree to an official 'relationship' or whatever.

He rolled his shoulders and pressed his back into his chair, exhaling through his nose and shaking his head as he continued to reflect on his interactions with the impossible ginger.

Maybe Petra had the right idea all along in her irritating pretenses, acting like things were just fine. Even if she wasn't fine, even if she secretly hated him, or secretly wanted him, or whatever it was she was thinking – she pretended without fail that there was nothing wrong and went about her day same as always. It was callous, and perhaps a little hurtful even, but he had to admit, out of everyone in the squad, she certainly seemed to be fairing the best.

At the very least, he thought it wise they were taking a large step back like this and giving the other a sort of distance to sort things out on their own.

But…

Even now, and as much as it frustrated him, he knew that there was a spark of hope within him where he secretly wished that whenever Petra really did go back to whatever new normal she would fall into, perhaps, maybe, she'd find her way back to his office one of these nights.

She would burst in because of who knows what reason, and he would make a point of being busy, perhaps hold up a hand and lean down deeper toward his desktop and stare narrowly into his paper with a sort of glare; allow the silence to draw out intentionally. She would sit down or sigh in attempts of being respectful, and eventually ask what he was working on. That would be enough, all it would take for her to shake her head and walk around his desk; lean over him and say something like, 'I thought you had that organized in that one chart? Honestly Captain…here.'

It wouldn't all be an act, he reasoned with himself deftly. He was already behind again in his office duties and she had grown to be so efficient now – more efficient than even he was in so many ways. He wanted her to pick up her habit again, and like before, he could actually look forward to something from Petra that wasn't an infuriatingly empty, 'Good Morning, Captain!'

He wanted her to be there, he noted mentally, finding that it was something between them that he enjoyed and anticipated, but was still safely contained within the parameters of their military roles and ranks. That made it a little less risky, but still kept their interactions a little more consistent and personal than what was often exchanged between them throughout active duty.

That was a win win to some extent, he reasoned. It was different than before, but it would be enough he was sure.

And what was more, it had to be enough, because he didn't want to keep hurting her.

…

...

"How did we get stuck with this?" Eld grumbled with a sort of impatience, looking at Petra and frowning.

Petra gave an amused shrug, "It's called making a deal. Oluo and Gunther agreed that if we stood in the food line for them, they'd clean the common room to Levi's standards and as a result we'd all have a little extra free time tonight."

Eld crossed his arms, "Well I didn't agree to it."

Petra's smile only grew and she watched him with a sort of cheeky smirk, "That's because I agreed on your behalf. There's no way I can carry four plates of food across the campus on my own, and let's not forget that you're a piss poor cleaner. If I let you do the cleaning, I'd have to stand in line and redo whatever cleaning duties that you half assed."

Eld looked around the bustling food hall with a pouting sort of expression, "But its pasta day. The line is always like twenty times longer than it normally is; we'll be here forever."

"Pretty sure I've been listening to you complain forever." Petra pinched him reprovingly and Eld slapped her hand away with a fake wince, "And besides, the wait is almost over. We're only like five minutes away from the head of the line so I'm not sure what the big deal is."

There was a long pause and a sly smile came to Eld's face, "Oh it's not a big deal. I just like getting under your skin. You're downright adorable when you're upset."

Petra's eyes narrowed at his instantaneous change of spirit and she rolled her eyes, "Wish I could say the same. You get this real ugly look on your face, this sort of constipated – ugh, it's a sight to be sure."

Eld chuckled, "Then I guess it's a good thing that between the two of us, you're the one with a short fuse."

Petra chuckled and moved another step forward, though as she moved, there was a light tap on her shoulder.

"Hey, uh, sorry - Mrs. Ackerman? Can I call you Petra?"

Both Petra and Eld turned toward the person who had stopped in front of them. It was a woman around Eld's age, and while her face was somewhat familiar, Petra couldn't hazard a guess as to who she was.

"Squad Leader Tiffany, it's been a while!" Eld smiled warmly – apparently Eld knew who she was then, and the woman nodded toward him politely.

Seeing this, Petra gave a polite smile in return. If she was a friend of Eld's, then she was a friend of hers. "Yeah, you can call me Petra. What's up?"

The woman took a deep breath and pressed her lips together, turning more toward Petra directly as she spoke. "Listen, I just wanted to maybe stop by and…apologize to you." Petra blinked in confusion because she was quite sure that whoever this woman was, a Squad Leader apparently, they had never exchanged a single line of dialogue.

Seeing her confusion, the woman continued, "I know we haven't had any direct interactions per say, but when I heard about your marriage to Captain Levi…" she trailed off and shrugged, "Well, I heard the rumors and I guess I made some assumptions as a result. I've thought some terrible things, I've even said some terrible things, and when I saw you at the Officer's banquet I was actually pretty upset because I thought that Commander Erwin was showing favoritism or turning a blind eye to dishonorable behavior and all but flaunting it in front of everyone because Captain Levi is the famed 'Humanity's Strongest' and seems to receive all-out praise for going rogue or breaking the rules."

Petra watched the woman with a sort of stunned surprise, not sure what to make of her words or how she should respond, and the Squad Leader cleared her throat, "Either way, that night I overheard some of the things that Squad Leader Michael was saying to you, the offer that he made you, and then I heard how you responded. That was, wow that was something. He's been getting away with that sort of bribery for a long time, but no one has ever had the guts to stand up to him until now so it seems. All that to say…It made me realize that you weren't at all the kind of person that people had said you were, and when I realized it, I knew I had to apologize to you directly." She sobered her expression and looked up toward Petra intentionally, making a point of looking her in the eye. "I shouldn't have judged you or made assumptions about the kind of person you were, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for allowing other people to shape my opinion of you. I know the party was a few weeks ago now - I would have talked to you sooner, but I haven't seen you running around too much on campus so…"

Petra was still in shock, having a difficult time putting her thoughts together as she realized that someone was actually apologizing to her, and what was more, apologizing to her in such a public setting. Petra had somewhat come to terms with the fact that people would always bear a grudge against her for things she hadn't even done – she hadn't even considered that her actions that night might change people's opinion about who she was. She could only hope that she presented herself in a manner that continued to make people question the rumors they had heard. At the very least, this gave her a newfound hope that perhaps things weren't as set in stone as she had thought.

Petra laid her thoughts to rest and shook her head, "Oh, no – we've been really busy and…wow, you know I don't know what to say. I actually really appreciate it, more than you know. Hearing this means a lot to me, for real."

The woman gave a small smile, "Well, I'm glad, and I'm even more glad that someone actually has the guts to stand up to that slime ball for a change. For whatever it's worth, you're alright in my book."

The woman extended her hand forward and Petra smiled, extending her arm and shaking her hand firmly, "Thanks so much."

The Squad leader took a step back, "Well listen, I won't keep you. I just wanted to stop by and say that - now that I finally ran into you for a change. Let's all cross our fingers and hope that the pasta's actually cooked through this time, right?"

They all shared a cordial laugh as she moved to walk back into the crowded room and Eld waved, "Always a pleasure Squad Leader, you take care."

"You too Eld, be sure to tell your Captain that I said hi. It was nice officially meeting you Petra!"

They waited a few minutes and once she was out of ear shot, Eld crossed his arms and looked down at Petra with an expectant stare, "Alright, now what exactly happened between you and Squad Leader Michael?"

...

...

It was as they were leaving the mess hall, both carrying a plate of food in each hand as they walked, that Eld was loudly laughing, "You said what?!"

Petra shrugged with wide eyes, "I was angry! Like I'd ever allow someone to disrespect Captain like that, and then try to pick me up in the very next breath? He's lucky I didn't beat his ass to a pulp for his slander; you should have heard how he was talking about Levi. Levi is Humanity's Strongest – it took Erwin and Mike and the Scout's highest elites just to take him down, right? Not only that, but Levi is an amazing Captain that's put his life on the line numerous times for humanity, so for some jealous has-been to come in and try to use me in some petty revenge scenario is just…just gross. Made me so pissed off."

"Oh, because if he had complimented Levi first, that would have made the rest of the conversation okay." Eld teased her, and Petra scoffed.

"No. I would have told him off either way, I just didn't appreciate his obvious bashing and felt the need to remind him that Levi is a high-ranking Officer and deserves to be treated with respect."

Eld's expression mellowed a little, and he watched Petra critically, "Interesting words there Petra, considering you've been giving him the cold shoulder ever since the banquet. Want to explain what that's about?"

Petra blinked once and actually paused in step as though surprised by his callout, then gave a soft smile and cleared her throat, "The cold shoulder? Hardly, Eld. I see him just as often as you guys do, right? We haven't been fighting, things have been perfectly professional so-

"Exactly." Eld cut her off, a concerned expression crossing his face as he turned his head to watch Petra directly, "You and Levi are friends, and after the wedding it's obvious that you guys got even closer. I don't think I've spent any real time with you in over a month because you're always with the guy, but after that night…" He paused and shook his head, "I don't know how to describe it, but there's a certain distance between you now and tension and...it's weird."

Petra remained silent and stared into the ground as they walked, not responding to his claims as a sort of gloominess came over her. Eld sighed as he watched her mood deteriorate at the mere mention of her altered standings with the Captain.

"Petra come on, what happened? And if you dare try to tell me that it was nothing I may have to play the big brother card and beat it out of you, because I know better. The whole squad knows better and honestly, you're sorta scaring the shit out of everyone right now."

Petra remained silent and stared down into the ground and Eld leaned down to grab her attention, "Hey."

Petra looked up toward him with a grim expression and Eld frowned, "Petra, I'm worried about you."

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head sadly, before looking around the area for potential eavesdroppers and looking toward Eld directly, "It's…look, if I tell you, will you promise not to judge me? And you can't tell anyone else. I know that Gunther and Oluo will want to know but I'm not…proud of what I did, so I don't need any speeches about what an idiot I am or anything because, trust me, I already know. I learned my lesson, okay? I messed up and I won't do it again so there's nothing to worry about. That's why…it's like this right now. It's my fault."

Eld watched her in still growing concern, her sort of defensive tirade not making any sense to him. "Petra, what the – what happened?"

When she only stared at him flatly, Eld groaned, "Right, I promise. Scout's honor. No judgment, not a soul – Petra you're seriously worrying me. You know you can tell me anything, so…please."

So, Petra explained it.

She tried to capture and recount the excitement that had been in the air, how at the party Levi had been so protective of her, how much of an untraditional, yet undeniable gentleman he had been – how they had been teasing each other, laughing, how much fun it had been - even with all the whispers and the glares and the bullying - and how she legitimately enjoyed being by his side that night.

She talked about how there was a sudden spark between them; she wasn't sure about Levi but at the very least it had taken her by surprise because it had been completely unexpected. She had explained that even though she had been spending so much time around Levi, it had all been just casual before, but something about that night seemed to ignite the sort of something between them and Petra hadn't expected how natural it felt, the wanting to be close to him, the desire to capture his eye.

They were near the compound door and they paused in place, still mid conversation. They didn't move into the building, rather remained outside so their conversation could continue without being overheard by the rest of the squad.

Petra inhaled in preparation before sighing in defeat as she thought the night over, finally getting to the part where things took a turn for the worse. "Either way, we got back after the party and we were still talking, so he just walked with me back into my room – I don't think either of us thought much of it. I took off my shoes, we kept talking and… I can't believe I'm saying this." she shrugged with wide eyes, hesitant to continue and actually admit such a thing, out loud, and to Eld of all people.

Petra shook her head and a blush rose to her face, "I…well, it's just Levi is…" she would have brought her hands up to her face in embarrassment, although with her carrying the plates of food she could only shake her head as the blush continued to warm her face, "I mean, it's just so sudden because I've seen him for years and it's never really been a thing before, but…"

Eld smirked as he realized just what it was that Petra was attempting to convey. More than anything he wanted to hear her out, and he knew he couldn't risk her thinking he was teasing her. His voice was gentle as he tried to fill in the gaps, "You find him attractive?"

Petra bit her lip and gave an ashamed nod, which caused Eld to give a light chuckle, "Well you're in good company Petra. I'm pretty sure just about every female in the military finds him attractive; it's not a big deal."

She shook her head and there was a sudden frustration to her voice, an underlying shame that caused her to speak quietly in a sort of guilty admission. She sighed, "No, it's more than that Eld. That night I…I kissed him."

Eld's eyebrows rose in admitted surprise, and Petra gave a worried look at her squad mate's reaction. "I mean, I guess he technically kissed me first, but I'm pretty sure he caught my stare and…" her voice trailed off as Eld watched her in continued shock, "And…it wasn't just like, a single kiss either. It was…" A flood of emotions washed over her as she mentally relived the event, leaving her thoughts conflicted and muddying her ability to speak clearly. Even now, she wasn't sure what she thought about it. "It was passionate and nice and, wow…he can really kiss a girl and…and if I'm being honest, I…liked it. A lot." Her voice was a mere whisper by the end, and Eld sighed.

"Petra…I may be the last one you'd expect to say this, but I think you should go for it. You are married and-"

"He pushed me away." She cut him off with an exhale, and Eld blinked.

"He…what?"

"He pushed me away." She repeated slowly with a defeated sort of shrug, "Levi…Captain doesn't want me, okay?" she paused as she thought the night over and frowned in recollection, "One second he was right there, kissing me and holding me, and the next he was all the way across the room, seething in anger. He told me like four times that he was my Commanding Officer, and that our marriage was solely an on-paper kind of deal. You should have seen the way he looked at me Eld, I don't know if I've ever made him that angry before."

Eld watched her in confusion, because she seemed so confident in her words…. But what she was saying somehow just didn't make any sense to him. He couldn't pretend to know Levi's inner thoughts, but no one could deny how obvious it was that the Captain all but craved Petra's attention, especially as of late. Eld had seen it, and he knew that Gunther and Oluo had noticed it as well because they had talked about it so many times.

If there was one thing that Levi couldn't do, it was deny Petra.

And that wasn't just a recent thing - they had years of consistent behavior that proved it. The pair's dynamic had always been interesting, since the day she had joined the squad in fact, and now that they were married, Eld had watched time and time again as Petra continued to wrap the reclusive Captain around her little finger – that same one that not so coincidentally wore his wedding ring even now.

Eld struggled to find his words, certain that he was missing a critical piece of the puzzle. He found he could only ask her again because there was just no way Levi had turned her down.

"Petra are…are you sure?"

She gave a sort of sarcastic laugh, "Am I sure? Eld. It's been almost three weeks and he hasn't said a word to me about it; just walks in the common room, grabs a cup of coffee, barely acknowledges me when I say good morning to him – so yeah, I'm pretty damn sure."

Eld gave her a long stare, "Petra, you can't tell me you haven't noticed. The guy's been pissed off and ready to snap at any given moment – have you considered the fact that maybe he wants to talk with you about it but just doesn't know how? Have you considered that maybe the distance is getting to him?"

Petra snorted, "Um, that theory might hold water if it weren't for the fact that he's the one who rejected me. He communicated pretty clearly that night that he wanted nothing to do with me – and besides, I feel like we're getting off track here. I know it may sound like I'm being defensive when I say this, but…honestly more than anything, more than being embarrassed that Levi pushed me away, more than being sad and hurt after being rejected…as each day goes by, I just feel guilty."

"Guilty? Why?"

She took a deep breath and tried to explain her thoughts, "Because. This whole time, I've been lecturing you all, getting pissed off every time that anyone even suggested that something was happening between me and Levi – yet the first time an opportunity even remotely presented itself, turns out it was all talk. Yes, Levi kissed me, but I wanted him to. I probably would have kissed him myself if he hadn't beaten me to it. And…what's more, he's not just my Commanding Officer, he's Humanity's Strongest. He has a responsibility to his role in the Scout Regiment; he already told me that he wasn't interested in a relationship, I agreed that I didn't want a relationship, and for real I don't, but that night-"

Eld shook his head, "Petra I think you're over thinking this…

"No Eld, I'm not." She insisted stubbornly, "There's a reason Erwin and the rest of the higher ups don't allow people in relationships to remain on the same squad, right? Let's pretend for even a moment that the Captain hadn't rejected me; do you have any idea how terrible I would feel if Levi or I got so wrapped up in each other that it put you guys in danger at every turn, during every expedition? I care about all of you, and if my lack of discipline ever caused any of you harm…I couldn't live with myself. Levi's right, our marriage really is, and really should stay…just on paper."

Eld watched her for a long moment as she continued to pick her words, "So, that's why I just smile through it right now. It was a moment of weakness, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm not as strong as I thought. Even if it hurts so much, I am actually thankful that Levi put a stop to it. It's too dangerous for all of us, and so after he left, I took a few moments to myself and… decided to distance myself from him a little – just clear my head, you know? So I'm sorry, if that's making things awkward for you guys in the meantime. I'm fine though, really. It's been a rough few weeks, but I'll be alright."

She nodded toward the door evenly, "Anyway Eld, we need to run this in or it's going to get cold."

Eld pressed his lips together and moved in front of the door, not actually moving through it, but rather standing directly in the way until Petra looked up at him directly in question.

He looked down at her seriously, "Since you made that decision, you've hardly spent any real time together with him, right? I'm curious Petra, do you miss him – the Captain?"

She groaned and tried to step around him, having thought this conversation was actually done, though Eld's larger frame successfully blocked the door and she gave him a desperate sort of stare, "Eld, come on, we've got to get inside. The guys are waiting and-"

"Just answer the question Petra, do you miss him?"

She rolled her eyes in attempts to appear annoyed, though her voice broke as conflicted thoughts warred within her. She gave a sharp exhale and blinked the sudden sting out of her eyes, "…Every damn day, okay? Now will you please step inside? You're bumming me out because there's nothing I can do about it. This is how things were before the wedding, and even after all we've done together, Levi just…doesn't want me. What he wants is for things to go back to how they used to be, and even if it kills me inside…I can give him that. I don't visit him, I'm kind and respectful…the perfect subordinate I suppose. Professional. That will have to be enough."

Eld gave her a sad, compassionate glance, "I see. Thank you for telling me Petra."

She gave an insincere half smile, and it didn't escape his notice when a single tear ran down her face as she carefully opened the door and walked past him.

Eld exhaled silently as he followed behind her, finding that her explanation of the evening still just didn't sit right with him. Either Petra was missing a vital piece of the puzzle, or he had been reading the Captain wrong for years. Either way, it was obvious that he needed to have a very long chat with a certain pint-sized Officer.

...

End Of Chapter

...

Aaaand that will do for this week!

Bit of a longer chapter, but there's a lot of good meat to it. Reflection on both parts are very, very important – and it's always nice to delve into various perspectives because it reveals a lot about them, so of course, this chapter is extremely important. Sadish though it is, I hope you enjoyed it - I feel it give A LOT of insight.

For real, yall have been so awesome about supporting me and I can't overstate that enough. I love reading your thoughts, answering your questions, and I know that the upcoming sections will continue to blow you away. Keep it coming, because it is so encouraging to me and helps me keep just as passionate about this story...even though I've been writing it for over half a year now. *internal screaming* Much love yall!

Midnight