Hey team,

Ugh, sorry for the lateish upload. I was sitting here on my couch, playing Pokemon Sword because, Hi New Pokemon Gen, how are ya? When my husband was like, so any new reviews yet? And I gave him the derpiest look because I had NO idea what he was talking about. He's all…you did upload this morning didn't you? *insert long, long silence*

OH NO!

Hahaha, so very sorry guys. I take my gaming seriously and completely forgot about it (so yall be grateful to him, as I may have not realized it until this evening!), but I am happy to say that I did all the edits and everything last night so we are good to go.

Yall enjoy, watch the Cheifs slay tomorrow night, yall keep playing that pokemon, and I'll see you next week!

…

...

Levi walked back into the compound, planning to go straight to his room and attempt to blow off some steam by doing pushups or crunches; some menial exercise that would serve to keep him busy while his mind wrestled with Erwin's latest gamble and Petra's apparent involvement.

As he moved down the hall, he noticed that Petra was already there, stationed outside his bedroom door and staring down at the floor in a manner where her hair veiled her face and shielded her expression from him.

She looked up just slightly, likely able to hear his boots tapping across the ground as he walked, but she didn't raise her eyes to meet his gaze and said absolutely nothing, so he decided to walk by her in silence because he wasn't sure what to say at a time like this and wasn't quite decided on how he wanted to handle things on his end.

As for Petra, with more pressing thoughts swarming through her head, Levi's cold and standoffish demeanor didn't both her like it normally would have, and she didn't question why he didn't stop and ask her what she was thinking or how she was taking everything. His menial questions wouldn't have mattered anyway. All she could see were the numbers, her friends, the Scouts that she saw on a day to day basis. Who had she unknowingly sent straight to their deaths in her attempts to be helpful? More than who, how many? Erwin had said twenty, but that had been for more sake of argument than an actual estimation. She knew the numbers better than he did at this point, so it wouldn't be hard to figure out. Off the top of her head, considering what she knew of the gas usage among each team, if the goal was thirteen percent less each month…perhaps…forty, fifty tops?

The more accurate estimate made her stomach churn violently, and she blinked the nausea away with wide eyes, swallowing thickly in attempts to maintain her composure and not start dry heaving.

Levi watched her obvious unease but continued to move past her in perfect silence, without so much as an acknowledgement that she was there at all.

Finally, she spoke.

"Captain…" she reached out as he walked by her, her hand lightly gripping onto his sleeve as he walked. Regardless the feather light pressure she had used that would hardly outpower him, he paused in place to confirm he was in fact listening, though remained staring forward, an intense expression across his face that was hard to read.

For a long moment, neither of them said anything, and she merely wrapped her hand around his sleeve more tightly, a slight tremble in her hold that wasn't remedied by her tightened grip. She swallowed again, finding it was difficult to breath, before giving a breath of an exhale, "Will you…will you spar me? Please?"

Levi turned his head slightly toward her, his interest more than peaked as a sort of concern grew within him, because Petra lived to spar, greatly anticipated any time she could throw her fists around and try to damage her male peers, himself especially, but there wasn't a trace of the excitement that she normally displayed when requesting such a thing. She usually had a large smirk on her face that would turn to pathetic, childish begging if he didn't immediately give in.

He was used to her displaying a blend of fool hearty arrogance and raw anticipation, but with how her head was tilted to the floor now, the quiet mumble she spoke with - it was more like she was ashamed of her request.

He looked at her in attempts to deduce her mental state, and with her head still down to the ground, she didn't notice his narrowed and appraising stare. She continued softly, "I…I need to be distracted right now, and I figured with your paperwork being all caught up that maybe-"

He turned towards her fully and crossed his arms, irritated by her uncharacteristic timidness. He rolled his shoulders until she released her grip, finding that her clinging onto him was all the more unsettling as it only highlighted her unease all the more, "It's fine. Is that all?"

She looked up toward him and gave a weak nod, and he nodded in return, "Then let's go."

He tilted his head and they walked side by side down the hall. While at first, Levi hadn't intended on saying anything – he didn't want to play into Erwin's hand and encourage her to sell her soul to the sadistic gambling idealist, but after hearing Erwin's full thoughts on the matter, hearing that Petra was the singular hope that held all the lives of their men, he couldn't deny that he was admittedly torn as to what sort of role he would inevitably play, and his initial rejection of Erwin's plan waivered in his mind because if she could then…

Maybe Erwin was right.

And yet, what kind of a monster would he have to be, if after everything he had done to Petra, and all the good and light and mercy that she was to him – how could he ever place such a burden on her?

He was hoping to just turn a blind eye - allow Petra to take whatever road she desired and help where and if she needed him - but seeing the hurt in her eyes, the concern and the absolute horror that shadowed her gaze as she considered the task at hand, he knew exactly where he stood with certainty.

He usually went along with Erwin, even when he didn't agree, even if it went against his better judgement, he trusted Erwin to bring about a future that Humanity couldn't even see, but for this…

Levi took a long inhale and shook his head.

Not this time.

"You know he's just using you." Levi stated simply, his words devoid of any emotions that implied it was a good or bad thing – as it was neither, it was merely a statement of fact.

She didn't look up toward him, and for a few moments all that could be heard was the light tapping of their boots across the tile as they walked side by side.

"…I know." She whispered quietly as they moved down the hall, and Levi looked at her directly, a now perturbed expression across his face from her unexpected admission.

He looked back down the hall after regaining his composure, "So why then? If you already know that then -"

"Because Captain," Petra actually interrupted him, "If the Commander is choosing to do such a thing and making it all my problem, it's only logical that it's because he's run out of all other options, and what's more, some part of him thinks there's a chance – even if it's just a small chance – that I might be able to change the final outcome."

Levi's mouth fell open for a fraction of a second for a second time, and though he recovered quickly enough, Petra had caught his surprise and gave a small hollow laugh in response, "Why are you surprised? Either you hadn't thought of that yourself, not likely, or you thought that I was too naïve to see through his word play." She gave an accusatory stare at Levi's intentional silence, and she gave him a dark smirk, "I may be naïve when it comes to love or men or whatever, but at least in some areas, I'm not as stupid as I look. You should have more faith in me, Captain."

Levi gave a huff and corrected her as he remained staring at the path ahead "It's not that I think you're naïve Petra, it's that Erwin is that cunning. I was afraid that you were being jerked around being none the wiser considering the limited work you do with him, and yet, with the way you tore out of his office, the fear in your voice even now as you think about his posed challenge – don't tell me you intend on walking down the path he's set for you."

When Petra didn't respond, Levi felt a growl build in his throat and an impatience bubble within him. He looked down at her with narrowed eyes, a harshness in his tone as he reprimanded her, "If you already knew his motive, then why are you giving into his intent?"

"Because." She responded with a mournful exhale, "He's right in every way Captain, and we both know it. Manipulative or not, he isn't wrong when he stated that if it weren't for my work, they would have continued on as before and been none the wiser. While I know that Erwin's current plan will technically save lives, his big gamble here is that my moral base is so different than his, that even though it is 'less' lives, I will still be so outraged and so stubborn that I will refuse his decision outright and will work myself to exhaustion in order to find a better one - to essentially atone for my involvement."

Levi pressed his lips together and exhaled irritably, finding that the more they talked, the more and more against it he was becoming. It bothered him, immensely, that Petra knew full well what was going on, but was just taking it without any regard for her own wellbeing. His words were clipped, frustration sparking and developing within him. "Erwin has gambled and lost before. Just because he placed his bets doesn't mean they are guaranteed to pay off. You still have a choice to bow out. If you're worried about fallout, don't be. Erwin wouldn't hold it against you, and I can make sure that-"

Petra laughed at his words, which only made his irritation spike all the more. He whipped his head toward her with an outraged glare, but the way she was already watching him took him off guard and made his anger wane. It wasn't of belittlement or pride – the look on her face, it was like she was…apologizing.

"Levi…I'm someone who is so stubborn and so extreme that I actually agreed to marry someone I wasn't even involved with on a romantic setting, just so I could get my way in the end and stay on the squad." When Levi's expression changed from barely contained wrath to obvious confusion, silently asking why she was bringing up such a thing at all, she gave a pained smile, "You think Erwin's not aware of just how stubborn and fool hearty I am? You think he won't use my passion and unhealthy drive against me if it means that lives are spared? In some ways, I suppose I'd judge him if he didn't."

Levi found he was at a loss for words, and Petra dropped her gaze to the floor, giving an empty, cold chuckle, "It's like you said…I'm just a child who's never been told no before."

Levi was baffled for a moment, tongue tied at first and not even remembering having said anything like that before, but recalling the conversation they had in his office just yesterday. When he said that, he had been teasing – poking fun at her because in some miraculous way she did often come out on top – but before he could say anything to correct his meaning, Petra gave a sad sigh.

"And let's be honest, you of all people know better, so you're the naive one if you think that I can just sit by when there's lives on the line that I can save. I've been up against unlikely circumstances before – hell my father all but closed the book on me, yet here we are over four months later, and I've grown so much. So I can't…I can't give up. I don't know how, but I'll face the odds and find a way because-"

At her increasingly sad explanation that was full of empty promises and obvious desperation – an underlying sorrow in each word she spoke - Levi stopped dead in his tracks, grabbing Petra by the arm and taking a step toward her. He looked at her seriously, and as her expression morphed into surprise, and then uncertainty and fear, Levi gave a long exhale.

Erwin really was a damned piece of work.

He was tempted to wrap his arms around her, to pull her flush against him and try to comfort her because it was obvious she was grasping at straws and on the verge of panic when faced with the responsibility that was the future of the entire Scout Regiment – a pressure that she should have never been forced to bear - but something stopped him, and he merely left his hands over her arms.

"Petra, last time I'm the one that came through for you. Don't forget that you're only standing here now because of the ring on your hand and my last name."

She gave him a sudden glare - an attempt to mask the pain his words inflicted on her- and tried to pull herself out of his grasp with a look of hurt and betrayal. Levi exhaled, knowing his words had come out with more of a bite than he had intended. While he didn't indulge in his desire to hold her in his arms, he moved a hand up to her chin and gently lifted her head so she was looking at him again.

"Petra…" he sighed as his expression softened, "You need to understand that this isn't something I can help you with. I can't…I can't come bail you out in the end or come up with some miraculous solution that's going to fix this and make it all okay like I did the last time you were over your head. What Erwin is asking of you is unfair and nearing the impossible. I know you, and I know how hard these things weigh on you. As your husb-" Petra's eyes widened and Levi cleared his throat, "As your Captain, I'm worried it will break you."

A moment of silence fell over the pair because regardless his immediate correction, they both knew full well what he had intended to say. What he was saying, or better perhaps what he had intended to say, broke their unspoken rules to some extent. As for the original rule that led to them getting married at all, they had both agreed that things would remain unchanged between them – that they would forever be just Captain and subordinate – and while both of them could agree at this point that things were different, neither of them were prepared to admit that they were in any specific relationship with the other, or in love, or anything that would complicate matters more than they already were.

Perhaps the rule now was a mutual rule to let chips fall where they may, pretend not to notice the chemistry, not make any grand claims of feelings that forced the other's hand – there was comfort in the not knowing - but the fact that Levi had proactively said that he was actingas her husband first, then as her Captain, the implications that his surprisingly passionate statementraised…

"Levi, you just…" Petra mumbled in confusion, and she looked at him squarely for answers as her heart pounded wildly in her chest because he had never referred to himself as her husband unless it were for sheer irony, legal jargon, or unless it was followed by the terms 'only on paper.'

The way he watched her now, an unsettling obvious concern evident in his features, made her breath catch in her lungs and a flock of butterflies take flight in her stomach. She watched him nervously, not sure why she felt so unsure and breathless, "Levi, who is saying that? Levi, my Captain, who knows my skills and strengths and what I can and can't do, or Levi, my husband, who…maybe cares for me and is trying to protect me from getting hurt but…but, just doesn't know how to express it? I mean, if…he cares or..."

"He cares." Levi stated quickly, and Petra stood rigidly in place, not prepared for this conversation in the slightest because it was far more than either of them had bargained for, "Whether it's because I'm your Captain, or your husband, or both – just pick whatever will make you accept the fact that Erwin has already worked out the best plan. Just…fucking let it go, Petra, please. I'm trying to protect you and-"

"Levi…" she cut him off, placing a hand on his chest and looking up toward him with a broken smile, "You're a good man."

With that, like she had before in his office, she leaned up against him and gently pressed her lips against his, once again taking him by complete surprise. She was sweet and gentle and so trusting in his arms; he sighed and relaxed against her, finally allowing his hands to slide down her sides, coming to rest at her hips where he lightly pulled her to rest more closely against him, more than content to feel her against him and hold her close as she showered him with her gentle and peace granting affection.

She pulled away after a few tender, vulnerable kisses, her breath ghosting across his face as she spoke quietly, "Last time, you did come and bail me out, and I'll be forever grateful for that." She kissed him again, continuing after she pulled away further so she could watch him directly, "But now there are others that need help out of their dire situation, and there's a chance I might be able to do something."

Hearing the direction the conversation was preparing to go, Levi looked down at her with sudden concern, having thought that she was giving into him, letting go of the issue and trusting him, and feeling a mix of surprise and betrayal when she only continued undaunted, "Levi, don't you see? I have to return the favor, it's only right that I extend that same devotion."

As Levi opened his mouth to respond, to once again remind her that Erwin was a master of manipulation, that he didn't want her getting involved in such schemes and that he wanted to safeguard her from the mental pain that was undoubtedly waiting for her - there was a sudden wolf whistle that echoed from the other end of the hall, and both Petra and his attention was pulled in alarm to where the guys had just come out of their room, likely preparing to go to the mess hall for dinner.

It was obvious that they had all seen their previous kiss, as simple as it was, and Petra gave a soft, mortified groan as her squad mates walked through the hallway with various reactions and responses.

"Ugh, gross." Oluo's voice was heard first, "Now that's just uncomfortable for everyone."

"Hey hey Captain, don't you have a room for that?" Eld spoke next, "Or do you prefer to mix business with pleasure and make out in the office?"

"Nah Eld," Gunther all but snorted, "They're exhibitionists obviously, making out in the hall like that – Oi, Petra, if you want to wait for about thirty minutes, we'll be back with dinner. I've never been one for theatrics but if you guys want an audience that bad…"

Petra ground her teeth together, mumbling darkly to herself as a blush rose to her face, "Those fucks. I'm going to-"

As she shifted her weight to move down the hall, preparing to tighten her fists and go for blood this time around, Levi's grip on her tightened and he leaned into her all the more, which only warranted more hoops and hollers and groans from the opposite end of the hall.

"Petra." He whispered in her ear seriously, his voice low and intense, apparently so focused on the conversation at hand that he hardly paid any mind to the Squad's jeering, "Please, fucking let it go. I don't want it to destroy you. I just told you that I…" he felt his throat tighten and he gave an impatient sigh, "Tell me you're going to let it go."

He felt her give a long sigh, her lungs depleting as she remained pressed against him. Her voice was timid, cautious as she finally responded. Her fingers drummed against his collarbone nervously and it felt like an eternity passed before he heard her speak, "Is that…an order, Captain?"

He closed his eyes as a sort of sadness overcame him, because he knew Petra, and Erwin knew Petra, and all of them knew from the start what the outcome would be. He knew what her gut instincts told her to do, but he was hoping that if he maybe…then maybe, just maybe…

"It's a request." He whispered, feeling so exposed and raw as he pleaded with the woman in his arms, and he found himself holding onto her even more tightly as he awaited her answer.

"Levi…" she whispered his name softly, and he felt himself holding his breath anxiously as she took a breath of her own to respond, "You…you never gave up on me, right? So…it's only fair, it's only reasonable that I don't give up on them."

He felt a cold numbness grow in the pit of his stomach, as though the wind had been knocked out of him.

She was telling him no.

It wasn't enough for her. His advice, his asking, his vulnerability – past all of that, she wanted to go it alone and for what, to lose the same men and now lose herself along the way? He knew a bad idea when he saw one, knew better than she did the demons she would face, the abject loneliness and bitter solitude of walking such a path - she couldn't comprehend the scars this would leave on her, and try as he may to say that he wanted better for her, wanted her to avoid that bottomless pit of sorrow and regret because he cared for her, perhaps far more than he was letting on even now…

He just wasn't enough for her.

Petra continued sadly, her voice somewhat strained as they remained in each other's embrace for a moment longer, "I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, this conversation means more to me than you realize, and I'm truly touched by your concern. I know you have your doubts, but I will do it, Levi. I will. And I'll…I'll make you proud, where you can just sit back for once, and watch me from the sidelines, okay? It's time that I stood on my own two feet for a change."

With that, she gave him an apologetic frown as she pulled away from him, out of his arms, and he offered no resistance as she moved past him and toward the main hall to avoid further contact with either him or the squad.

"Uh oh, looks like someone got rejected!" Oluo called out with a smug sort of laugh, but when Levi turned around – not toward them but toward the direction that Petra had gone – there was a mix of anger and undeniable….pain across his face.

Eld spoke next, his voice hushed and sharp with alarm, "Guys, shut the fuck up. Something's not right here."

"Please." Oluo responded flatly, his voice still raised as he was more than enjoying getting to rain down on their parade, "They got busted so now Petra's all embarrassed and the Captain's pissed cause he lost his make out buddy."

"No, Eld's right," Gunther whispered next, "Something must have happened, because…fuck, is the Captain okay? He's just…standing there. Eld, what happened? Will you go and…"

"Fuck no, he just gave me the ass whipping of a lifetime yesterday for 'meddling' or whatever; if I go up to him now, Emily will be a widow before she even gets married! They're both adults. Whatever happened, they'll just have to sort through it on their own."

"…So we just do nothing then?"

"Well if you want to know so bad, you go and ask him!"

"And risk getting a black eye like you? Pass."

If Levi had heard them, they couldn't be too sure. It seemed unlikely, because his attention was so caught up on whatever was going on between him and Petra that he hadn't so much as looked at them, even now.

After a few moments, when it was clear that Petra had no intention of coming back to him, Levi pressed his lips together and shook his head bitterly, "Fucking…" he muttered under his breath, before turning down the hallway and disappearing into his room with a deafening slam of the door.

...

...

There was a tense silence that blanketed Levi's office, though for himself personally, he wasn't all that bothered by it.

For Petra however, he was certain she found it to be unbearable, as she kept shifting in her chair, would lean herself toward the desk as though about to get to work, but then take what she thought was a secret glance up toward him from the corner of her eye, give a long sigh, and lean back into her chair as though about to say something, but never quite finding the nerve before stealing yet another glance toward him.

While normally her agitation would set him on edge, in truth there was some part of him that rather enjoyed watching her squirm under the weight of his silent, but apparently effective, scorn and disapproval. It wasn't that he was outright trying to punish her for making a judgement call that differed from his per say, but to say that it didn't leave him a little miffed that she hadn't even considered his perspective (that came from years of experience she didn't have) would be an understatement, and as a result, he felt a sense of validation as she struggled to address the still-present tension between them.

They hadn't spoken since her decision to go rogue and go against his advice to not take the bait Erwin had laid out for her. Morning drills had gone well enough, though he had expected as much considering he knew Petra to be a professional through and through, but he hadn't known what to expect for this evening – if she would face him head on in his office, or conveniently avoid him for the night and give him more time to cool down.

He was pleasantly surprised when she appeared at his side, same time as usual, but their disagreement certainly had taken its toll because she was still very hesitant and had yet to say even a single word to him even though hours had passed by.

She suddenly cleared her throat, a new development from her previous fumbling about, and finally she looked up toward him directly. He almost chuckled at the palpable nervousness in her voice.

"So uh, Captain…"

"Petra." He acknowledged simply, not looking up from his desk as he continued to work on his paperwork, and he heard her give another uncertain sigh.

"I may not…well, I may not have a lot of time right now, to help out with your paperwork for a while? You know, with Erwin's…" she swallowed then, beginning to chew on her lower lip nervously, "I'm sorry I guess, I feel bad about it but-"

"Apparently not that bad." He interjected, finally looking up from his desk and meeting her gaze firmly. "If you did, you would have already changed your mind and said fuck it to Erwin's baiting, but no, the folders in front of you have nothing to do with the squad's monthly reports and you are still off on your suicidal mission to make the sadist happy." He wasn't technically angry with her, and his tone wasn't overly firm or cold toward her as he spoke, though Petra looked intimidated just the same.

She looked down into the folders in front of her, manila folders marking year numbers instead of specific reports that she would be utilizing if it was for the purpose of filling out their more traditional paperwork, and looked back at him apologetically, finding no immediate response as she watched him.

He merely rolled his eyes, "If you're going to have the balls to disagree with me, the least you could do is show some damned pride in the fact that you're confident enough, more like stupid enough, to butt heads with me, and not watch me with those puppy dog eyes like you're doing right now. My thoughts on the matter won't be changing, no matter how big those eyes get, so you may as well just accept it and get to work. Unless you're that torn up about it, in which case-"

Petra gave a loud sigh, this time of aggravation, and she looked at him with a suddenly stern expression, "All do respect Captain, but I couldn't care less if you disagree with me. What I care about is…"

He watched her in challenge, quirking an eyebrow in question, and his tense expression must have put her off because she blushed and rolled her eyes in obvious frustration, "…Okay then, fine. I see how it is. Look, never mind. Just work on your stupid papers; see if I care."

"What?" he asked darkly, admittedly curious as to what she had wanted to say and why she had to so crassly state for a second time that she didn't at all value his input on the matter, but no, she had decided to go all-out bitch mode on him with her stubborn 'see if I care' speech.

She merely pressed her lips together and opened a folder in a tense silence of her own, now making a point of giving him the cold shoulder. Levi gave a 'tch' and also returned to his paperwork, thoroughly frustrated by the woman who was so beautifully exasperating it almost pained him.

Women.

"Are you going to be able to keep up, without my help?" she asked tensely in an obvious attempt to bait as the silence thickened, and he exhaled through his nose. She was going to have to try harder than that to get under his skin, because though her question was annoying, it didn't bother him all that much.

"Not much of a choice, is there." He wrote a few numbers across his page, his pen tapping firmly against the paper as he spoke in contained irritation, "Besides, you're working for the Commander now, right? You must think you've got it all figured out."

Okay, so maybe it bothered him a little.

"Don't start with me, Levi." She hissed darkly, also speaking tensely as she spoke into the folders in front of her, looking at the documents it contained with narrowed eyes, "You know it has nothing to do with…what ever it is you're hinting at, be it a promotion, or piety or money, to hell with that – I care about the lives I've put at risk and until I can make it right by offering the Scouts, all of them, a fighting chance, then my decision also won't be changing. So. You can take your guilt trip and shove it where the sun don't shine, Mr. Holier than Thou."

His eyebrows rose and he merely nodded sarcastically, turning a page and continuing to write, "Ah yes, because I'm the one that's throwing all caution to the wind for the mere sake of 'morality' and 'greater good', no matter the cost to myself and no matter the fact it's damn near impossible. Right, that Superhero shit is all me, all day, every day."

Petra slammed her folder down fiercely, slapping her hand down onto his desk in the same motion and looking at him in unrestrained fury, "Captain! Do you hear yourself right now? For your information, I actually found something I'm good at that's unique to me. You of all people should know how important that is to me, and now, the first time I actually get to use my personal skills for something that even remotely matters, it does the exact opposite of my intention and instead of helping people, it just means that people die. And….and you're telling me I just have to accept that?"

Levi looked over toward her in equal frustration, "Yes!"

She looked away from him with a roll of her eyes and Levi pressed his teeth together, reaching across the corner of his desk toward her and grabbing her chin so she faced him again. His grip was firm, but not enough to harm her. She glared at him heatedly, and he spoke with a harshness that rivaled her own, "You want to know about my role? You want to learn about what it means to be a Commanding Officer? It's time you fucking woke up and smelled the damn coffee; it's not all sunshine and rainbows here, Petra! We all make decisions like this constantly, and every time we do, someone dies. Someone always fucking dies, and if you can't learn to make peace with that, if you want to live life and not stain your hands with blood, the best thing you can do for yourself is put down your fucking little papers, get out of my office, and go do whatever shit that the rest of the Scouts do with their downtime, because you're in over your head and setting yourself up to be severely disappointed if you think this is a one off scenario that's just so fucking unique to you."

Petra's eyes narrowed and Levi leaned closer toward her as he continued to speak, "Let's say you do save them; will that spare them come the next expedition? How about the one after that? What will you do come the next time that Erwin backs you into a corner with other risky situations that require your skills of deducing probability and other alternative options, or haven't you thought of that yet? Lives will be on the line then too you know; will you really be able to turn him down because the circumstances are just so different? You'll only help if it's your 'fault'? Perhaps the lives then will mean less than they do now? That's called hypocrisy Petra, so don't preach to me about double standards when you're looking at this so flippantly without any regard for the doors this will open in your future and the lives you'll impact as a result."

"Levi, stop." She whispered firmly, and he merely shook his head once.

"Let me tell you something, Mrs. Ackerman." He whispered lowly, "I can hear myself just fine, and to me, it sounds like I am being a good Captain that has been in your shoes and is trying to give you some fucking advice to spare you some regret and heartache. You need to ask yourself where the line gets drawn so that you can protect yourself – or could it be that you are truly naïve enough to believe that you are incapable of failure if you, what, just believe in yourself enough, or perhaps if your heart is pure and you want it bad enough, it'll all just work itself out in the end? Wake the fuck up."

Petra whipped her head to one side in a show of defiance, though she slowly returned his gaze in anger, "Listen Captain. We are fundamentally different; you swear on the dead – you make your foundations over the past and what was. I look to the future, and I swear on the lives of the living and I will figure this out. I don't need your-"

"I look to the future." He repeated with a sarcastic snort and actually laughed at her words, "Fuck does that even mean? Shit, it's like you're trying to sound grounded and philanthropic but don't even know heads from tails so you're just making up symbolic shit to say to placate your own self-doubt because you really haven't thought ahead in the slightest." He kept laughing and rolled his eyes, "Fucking hell woman, do whatever you're going to do in the end, just don't bullshit me because I've been at this longer than you've been alive and I can see right through it."

Petra gave an offended click of her tongue at his interrupting and subsequently laughing at her, and was suddenly on her feet, glaring at him with a fierce expression and grabbing folders into her arms in a barely restrained frenzy.

…Perhaps he had crossed a line…

"Where are you going?" he asked in a groan, bringing a hand to his face and rubbing his temples as she continued grabbing papers until her arms were overloaded with documents.

"To my room." Petra said curtly as she continued to place even more folders in her arms. At this rate she was grabbing so many she'd clean him out completely, and even still she was grabbing more. "You are being insufferable, and I have work to see to that doesn't involve your spite and jackassery. Asshole."

"Those documents are mine." He stated in an exhale, and he heard her snort.

"Well I'll be sure to not get them too dirty come the time I return them to you; when I see fit!" she all but shouted the last sentence at him as she marched toward the door, and he groaned loudly, frustration clearly getting the best of both of them because not less than five minutes ago they had been sitting in the room in albeit tense, but amicable silence.

He didn't agree with her, he didn't think she was ready for this – no, he knew she wasn't ready for this, yet even still…

"Petra, wait."

She was stationed at the doorway and turned around, watching him with an expression that he could only interpret as 'The fuck is it now?' He allowed himself a moment to reign his frustration under control and he tried to watch her calmly, "What were you going to say before?"

"Before what?" she snapped waspishly.

He exhaled. "When you said 'never mind'. You were about to say what you cared about was…" he shrugged in question, "But then…"

"Ah yes, but then you were being a jackass, so I stopped!"

He didn't say anything, and Petra stalled in step as he watched her curiously, watching as she rocked back and forth on her feet as though not sure if she was going to indulge his question or not. Eventually, she leaned onto the door frame, "Well. You won't like the answer, Captain, but since you asked."

She gave a long exhale, and when she responded, her voice was considerably softer, "I was going to say that I didn't care that you disagreed with me, because that's going to happen, but what I cared about through it all was…" she paused and looked at him tensely, still finding that she was irritated with him and didn't want to linger in his presence, "Never mind, okay? I've got work to get done and-"

"Petra, please tell me?" Levi crossed his arms, and fixed her with an expectant stare.

She gave a tense exhale, still irritated at his cold words, but she supposed if he wanted to know that bad, then…

"You." She stated directly with a nod, "I was going to say that above all…I cared about you. Happy now?"

Levi was surprised, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion, and Petra adjusted the folders in her arms as a silence fell across the room, some of the fire dying within her after seeing Levi's surprise. She looked toward him and gave a shrug, "Levi, look – we're husband and wife now, and I'll spare you the trouble here, 'only on paper' - so like it or not, we're going to be rubbing shoulders with each other for a long while and that means we're both going to make decisions that the other won't always agree with. You'll want to do dangerous things that will make me furious and nervous and completely terrified for your life, but…I know that my feelings won't stop you for even a moment, because that's just who you are, and I'd never expect you to stand down and deny yourself because of how it makes me feel. I need you to understand that this is something I have to do because it's who I am. It's not personal, it doesn't mean I don't care about you, but I will not give up on someone if there's the remote chance that I can help them. That kindness is embedded in my very soul and even if it leads to the all-out death of me, it will be my constant driving force to the very end. Please don't hold that against me, or think that it's some sort of defiance or disrespect towards you because it's not. Lives are on the line, and even if, like you said, it's a temporary solution to a permanent problem, is it so wrong to want to try? Temporary or not, it would still be a solution just the same."

She took another inhale and nodded towards him, "But. I know that my decisions have consequences, and I know in that my choosing this path, even if you don't have the words to articulate it yourself, well…I know that this hurts you, a lot. It may very well be the deepest that I've cut you yet and it just…damn, it really messes me up because you finally chose to be vulnerable with me, and communicate your actual wants and desires and in the end…I rejected it anyway. Some wife I turned out to be, huh?" she gave a chuckle that carried more pain than amusement, and she looked toward him with a look similar to what she had watched him with before their more heated discussion had taken place.

He understood now, and while he didn't regret any of his words, it was clear that Petra wasn't regretting her decision at all –no, she was lamenting the rift in their relationship, and he felt foolish for not having realized that from the start.

"I'm…so sorry, Levi. Truly. I'm sorry for hurting you." She normally struggled to meet his gaze when saying such things, but now he wished she would look away from him, because the intensity of her stare was overwhelming and made his stomach twist in knots, "I wanted to say earlier that even though I'm doing something you disapprove of, I wanted…us…" she whispered the word so quietly, as though she didn't know if she was allowed to use such a word when referring to them, "To be okay. Even through all of this, I want you to open up to me, you know? I want to hear what's on your mind; if you're angry, or if you're sad, or hell, even if you're just pissed off that something is dirty – I want to know you better, and now… I am so afraid that I messed something up with this whole thing and that really makes me worry because I kinda feel that, maybe we're finally getting things right, finding a sort of balance that works for us. I want you to trust me but…if you can't right now because you're hurt or angry or whatever you're feeling, that's okay. I understand that I hurt you and I know…you need time."

At her words, Levi could feel his heart pounding in his chest and a tightness in his throat that prevented him from speaking – though with how surprised he was by the sheer innocence and honesty in her words and the desperate way she watched him even now, he doubted his mind would have been able to put a sentence together in the first place. Was he blushing after hearing the unguarded sincerity she spoke with? The fact that she was so directly telling him that her desire was just to share her life with him, that she sincerely wanted to know him, just for the mere sake of knowing him – that resonated with him on a level that took him off guard. He may have indeed been blushing, but he could only focus on Petra, that and the vulnerable, crest fallen look on her face as she attempted to give him a brave smile.

"Just…if you can find it in yourself to forgive me? I know it's selfish of me to ask, but…maybe, don't wait too long? I can't stand it when you're mad at me, so if you can track me down sometime and just, I don't know, maybe smirk, or shoot some sarcastic comment my way about how short I am, or hell, even more wise cracks about sunsets and conversations would be welcome at this point – just so I know." She readjusted the many folders in her arms and looked back toward him, "I just want to know that we're okay, before another three weeks goes by and I'm crying in my room alone again."

Petra blinked at her last statement, a blush coming to her face, "Oh uh…you…probably didn't need to know…that…"

Petra gave a single embarrassed nod of her head and closed the door behind herself in an instant, rather sudden retreat, and as she scampered away down the hall, Levi couldn't understand in the slightest why after listening to her vehemently apologize to him, why he was the one that suddenly felt guilty.

…

End of Chapter

…

So this chapter is also one of my favorites, for being a relatively low key chapter at least. I personally love the moral debates that occur here between Levi and Petra, and I love seeing them outright bicker so childishly because that familiarity is there, so the professionalism that we may have once seen between them, goes out the window because they aren't trying to impress each other like you would in a traditional coworker setting.

These are all my personal notes, so as always they don't have to sway your opinions or what stands out to you – but I think my favorite thing Levi calls her out on here is when he's like, you haven't even thought this through in the least, and you are so disillusioned to think that if you just want it bad enough, it'll happen. In his eyes, that's an insult to everyone who's given it their all and failed and died, so irritably asks her what makes you so special?

And Petra, being so taken a back by his callous (but valid!) point that she just stands up and leaves. Ahhhh I love it so much. Alright yall, I'll let you be. Sorry for breaking the normal routine! I'll see you all, on time, next week!

~Midnight