Hello to all my lovely readers!

Tis the update before Christmas and my gosh yall, hasn't this year just flown by? It's insane to me that I've been writing this story for a little over a year now (started writing it about this time last year but didn't start posting until the Spring) and the fact that I'm still going strong and getting those plot pieces lined up into place, man, it's just crazy to me to think about!

As always, huge shout out to those who have supported me and the new readers that we've gained along the way. Yall have made this writing journey my undisputed favorite season of writing thus far, and I hope to keep bringing you content that keeps you coming back each Sunday for the next piece.

Onto the next chapter, yall enjoy!

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When Levi had moved back into Petra's room, Eld had stood up sharply the moment he came through the door, meeting him in the middle of Petra's bedroom with a look of concern. Petra was still in the same spot as before, in the same position even; legs cradled up against her and her head bowed into her legs, holding herself tightly.

Eld looked at Petra for a long moment, then shook his head and looked back toward Levi, "Captain, she hasn't moved. She keeps mumbling something about 'the faces' and won't even look at me. Should we get the doctor or something?"

Levi exhaled and looked toward Petra flatly as he walked past Eld and came to stand near Petra's side. He tapped her side with his boot in a sort of shove, "Oi, is that true Petra? Eld is taking time out of his day to be a friend and you can't even acknowledge him? That's a shitty thing to do, don't you think?"

"Levi!" Eld's tone was one of shock and offense, having watched as the Captain shoved her with his foot in disbelief. While it was hardly more than a firm nudge and certainly wouldn't hurt her, the fact that he was being so stern with her was surprising, "She's in distress - Go easy on her!"

Levi crossed his arms and looked back across the room toward Eld, "Thank you Eld, I can take it from here." He looked down at Petra and continued with authority, "Get up, Petra. Now."

Eld had opened his mouth to speak, about to once again come to Petra's defense because it was clear that she was going through some sort of crisis – what she needed was a friend, not a task master – but at the Captain's firm command, Petra actually looked up toward him, something that she hadn't done for him no matter how many times he had begged her, and a sort of understanding came over him.

Eld watched this interaction with a silent wonder, and finally, he sighed, "…I'll leave her to you then, Captain."

Levi smirked at his easy retreat and nodded an unspoken thanks, watching as Eld left the room and finally with a resigned sigh, focused back on the task at hand. He looked down at Petra and quirked an eyebrow, "You going to get up?"

Petra seemed to consider his question as she looked up at him, her face red and eyes swollen from her tears. She shook her head back and forth, and while Levi would have preferred she respond verbally, he supposed it was a start.

"Very well then Petra." He crouched down to the ground and picked her up into his arms, carrying her easily as he stood back up from the ground. She had hesitantly wrapped her arms around his neck with wide eyes, more from surprise than acceptance of being carried, and her eyes spoke of question.

He walked toward the door, "You need some fresh air. We're going outside."

Her expression fell and she gave him a pained look, shaking her head once and actually burying her face into his chest - something that admittedly surprised him, feeling her hot breath bleed through his uniform as she looked away from him as though hiding.

"Don't like that idea?" he stated lowly as he moved out of her room and began walking down the hall, "Let me guess, you can't bear to look and see all the Scouts going about their day, completely unawares, and having no idea the change that's about to happen come Monday? Fucking tough Petra, because even if it hurts, you can't avoid the pain by hiding in your room forever like a damned coward. You'll have to face them eventually and the sooner you get that through your stubborn head, the better. Now, hold your head up high and stop soaking my shirt with your tears and snotty nose; it's fucking gross."

Petra stiffened in his hold and looked up straight toward him, a defiant fire in her eyes as her face turned red in clear embarrassment.

He remained staring ahead but gave an almost imperceptible nod, "Look at that glare. That's more like it, Petra."

By the time they had gotten out into the lobby and were nearing the door outside, Petra had shifted in his arms, mumbling with slurred words that she could walk on her own. He had set her down onto the floor and opened the door, waving his arm when she merely stared outside as though he had opened the door to another dimension. After a long stare down, she took a deep breath and walked outside.

Their walk that followed had been quiet, mournful – but Petra was up and moving and her tears had finally ceased, so Levi supposed it was a step in the right direction.

As they moved down the dirt path that encircled the grounds during their walk, from time to time they ran into fellow Scouts who would give Petra a long stare, because it was obvious she had been crying desperately, and would almost immediately give Levi a dirty, scathing look of accusation, before continuing about their day and muttering lowly to themselves - as though it were so clear that he had done something to upset her.

Because Petra was walking with her eyes on the ground, still unable to meet the gazes of her fellow comrades, she missed their judgmental stares entirely, but Levi did not. While their venomous stares and hushed whispers didn't have their intended impact, making him feel neither angry or 'ashamed' of himself, he couldn't deny that it stirred a sort of pensiveness within him after receiving glare after glare without fail. Was it the feeling of irony he was experiencing? Nostalgia? Perhaps a sort of dark humor?

Not so long ago, Petra couldn't walk out of the Compound without being mocked and ridiculed for her involvement with him as the rumor mill had tainted her reputation, but now that the rumor mill spun the other direction and painted her as some sort of tragic heroine, now it was him that received the dirty looks that communicated one single fact resoundingly:

He did not deserve Petra.

She was now viewed as the darling of the Scout Regiment, and him? He was the stone-cold Captain that was keeping her captive. Their glares spoke of jealousy, distrust, and resentment, and for Petra, pity, and their doe eyed 'best of luck' sort of condolences. It was becoming an increasingly common occurrence anytime the two were spotted alone together, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it, because some part of him wanted to shout at them that he already knew.

He knew better than anyone that he didn't 'deserve' a woman like her – he didn't need their glares to remind him of something so blatantly obvious. Of course he didn't deserve Petra – he had never asked for Petra. His entire life had been coated in blood and dark deeds; deception and the cutting down of others so that he himself would survive on the blood and sacrifice of those he had buried – what was more, he didn't even regret it for a single moment. It wasn't that he was proud of his past; he valued human life and hated if and when it came to that point, but in the times where it had come down to him or them, he refused to feel remorse for choosing to press on and fight for his existence.

He had learned from a young age that there were those who were born into a world of happiness and security, and that there were also those who were…not. He had more than fallen into the latter category and he understood, as though by instinct, that a life of friends and joys and contentment would never be in the cards for him, no, certainly not for him. Because of his past, or perhaps his past was a mere result of this same internal depravity, but he knew there was something fundamentally flawed within him.

He wouldn't have ever thought of himself as deserving, nor even capable of being loved by someone, and especially not someone like Petra. He had communicated that very thing, as blatantly as possible, that same night he proposed to her. It was only fair that she be warned that he was not able to be such a man.

And yet she was his.

Even if undeserved, even if unwanted or perhaps even some mix of the two – the fact remained that Petra was his just the same. Eld had been nagging him about it for months now, Erwin had made passing remarks of his own, the talk of other people trying to pursue her had greatly if not completely diminished, because word had also gotten around from after the banquet that Levi was a 'jealous' man and would probably hospitalize anyone who tried to pursue her now.

…. Perhaps an accurate assessment, if he were being honest with himself.

It had been five months since the wedding and no one could deny it – not even him. She was his wife. He hadn't chosen her, hadn't pursued her, romanced her until she pledged her heart and soul to him – he had done none of that.

And yet.

"Levi…" Petra suddenly whispered, and he looked toward her simply.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything, and the two continued walking in silence. Eventually, Petra seemed to unwind, slowly and cautiously, returning bit by bit from the safety of her mind and actually start to engage in her surroundings again. She had commented once that the weather was nice, and how she was looking forward to Fall because the summers were just too brutal for her tastes. At one point, she had even looked up after a Scout called her out by name – apparently one of her friends from a different Squad.

Petra had stated it with a sad smile, but she confessed that she knew a decent amount about the various squads and their numbers, thanks to all the reports she had been digging through, and it wasn't likely that any of her immediate friends would go without gas in the months to come.

Levi had decided then was a good time to intervene – change her course of thought before she went down that track again – and pointed to a clearing in the Training Grounds that housed a few tables for outdoor use and training collaborations.

"Let's go over there and sit down. There's a good view from there, you'd like that right?"

Petra made a confused face and shrugged, not sure what he meant by 'A good view'. Of the training grounds? Of the barracks? The campus as a whole? She supposed it didn't matter either way and responded passively, "Well I…guess so."

Levi quirked an eyebrow as they moved off the path, "You guess so? I thought…" he shook his head and blinked, "I thought this was your thing."

"That what was my thing?"

She watched him with a look of confusion, and he could only return her stare in equal question, "This." He waved a hand, and when Petra merely watched him in greater confusion, his lips pulled back into a frown and he rolled his eyes, "Oh fucks sake, come on! Walking, talking, the conversations – which have admittedly been lacking, but that's your own damn fault – and the sunset? Isn't that like…your magic fucking formula or something?"

Her mouth fell open, about to make a sarcastic retort because of course he would choose now of all times to tease her about it, but when Levi watched her in outright irritation, she realized in surprise that he wasn't teasing, he was being serious – and just like that…she was laughing.

She followed behind him, struggling to keep her footing because she was laughing so hard. She fought to keep his waspish gaze between giggles, "Wait wait Levi, is this…is this a date?"

He glared at her laughter and took a seat at the table indignantly, "Well if it is, it's a shitty date because you're fucking boring as hell."

Petra tried to stifle her laughter and attempted to somewhat sober her expression, "Is that so? Well do forgive me, Captain. Afterall, I'd hate to give you such a bad impression on our first date." He snorted at her words and she took a seat at the other end of the table, lacing her fingers on top of the table and giving him a baby doll sort of stare, "What can I do to liven things up? Gotta admit, I am curious as to what the notorious Captain Levi is like when he's on an official date."

When he gave her a long stare, Petra leaned forward and grinned cheekily, "You know…you got any moves or special one liners maybe?"

Levi smirked at her enthusiasm; it seemed she believed that he had some sort of routine or pick up lines at his disposal, and he leaned forward, intentionally using lower tones of his voice as he curled his finger to summon her closer, "Well…I have one." At his confession, her eyes shone with excitement and he waited until Petra leaned even closer toward him still. He allowed the silence to draw out and he took a breath; finally his expression turned more serious. "I don't fucking date. I told you that."

He leaned back away from her, smugly, as her previous excitement fell and she crossed her arms bitterly, "You're no fun, Captain. And here I thought you had some secret way of getting women or convincing them to sleep with you. All this time I could have sworn that…" she made a face and blinked in surprise, "I mean, it's just I would have never guessed that you were actually a…"

Understanding what she was attempting to imply, he snorted, "Dating and fucking are two different things Petra."

He grimaced at his words that would undoubtedly fuel the fire, and Petra nodded her head with a smug expression of her own, "Uh-huh. Yeah, you know that's the second time you've hinted at your past harem, Mr. Ackerman, and I do believe it's time for some answers."

Levi's eyebrows furrowed. Mr. Ackerman?

He had lived a decent number of years, far more than many had thought he'd see, and he was quite sure that not once had anyone called him 'Mr. Ackerman'. Damn, he felt old.

Mr. Ackerman.

"Captain." He corrected simply, and Petra only gave a few more smug nods, amused at the odd expression he had shot her and the way he had so uncomfortably shifted in his chair.

"Whatever you will, Captain. Now about that harem of yours. I understand that being Humanity's Strongest probably comes with a few perks - access to a few clubs after hours, punch cards, free drinks, and all the fancy chairs your heart desires-"

"What the? Where the fuck do you come up with-"

"But." Petra cut him off with a 'serious' expression, "Now that you're an honest man - you're welcome by the way - I must ask that you not live so recklessly."

He blinked.

"I'm serious!" she smirked at his confusion, "I may be a disciplined member of the military but I'm a jealous woman and I'm not afraid to outright slap-a-bitch. So you tell all your women that…that I forbid it!"

Levi snorted and rolled his eyes sarcastically, "Okay, right, I'll try to remember that."

Her expression turned devilish and she crossed her arms impishly, "…So how many?"

He groaned, "Petra, this is hardly a question to be asking your Comman-"

"Oh no, don't you dare hide behind your rank on this one. Come on, tell me. Please?" she asked with a smile, again leaning forward across the table toward him, "It's a simple question Levi – how many women have you made love to?"

At her question, Levi's eyes widened for only a moment, because as it turned out her question was indeed simple to answer – more simple than he had originally thought in fact.

"None."

He watched her flatly; watched the confusion come over her face as she reran his answer through her head.

"None?" she repeated as she fell back into her seat, watching him still in obvious question and shaking her head as she spoke, "But you…you just said-"

Levi's voice was quiet, and now it was his turn to lean across the table toward her, his expression serious as he explained simply, quietly, "Don't misunderstand Petra. I've been with…a lot of women. More than ten, less than twenty." He gave an estimated answer, because he hadn't bothered to ever keep count, and legitimately didn't know the number even now.

Back in his Underground days, when life had been stressful and each day brought a new hill to die on, he had sought the physical release and comfort that only being with a woman seemed to provide. That's what everyone had done; stricken of all basic human needs and materials – everyone could still fuck because it was free – and what was more, that was the only example he had ever seen in his youth from his clandestine mentor.

So, he fucked too.

As he got older, stronger, less frantic and more settled – certainly more mature – he had found he didn't need to use women like that. Even still, it was convenient and certainly felt great, so it wasn't until one of the women that he had bedded had attempted to kill him, then and there no less, that he had all but shut down even that avenue in his life, for it wasn't nearly as free as it had seemed when it was all said and done.

Since his time in the Scout Regiment, he had scarcely found himself any of that sort of company – maybe only once or twice, and it was always a nameless someone that was traveling through, gone just as quickly as they had arrived.

He dared to look up at Petra, curious as to how she might take such a revelation, and her face was narrowed in concern – not concern for herself, not concern in a manner that passed judgment or condemned him, no, it was clearly concern strictly for him. It was as though she knew that, regardless the vast number range he had provided her, his life had been devoid and empty of true connection, and instead of blaming him for his shallow relations, her heart broke for him instead.

He really didn't deserve her.

He gave a soft sigh, feeling the need to defend himself even though she hadn't asked. "None of them mattered. I'm not even sure I could tell you any of their names. Not one." He gave a shrug and clarified, "I've fucked people Petra, more than my fair share in fact, but 'made love'…" he almost made a face, feeling ridiculous even saying such a thing. He paused and gave a shake of his head, a dark, hollow sort of amusement causing a half smile to come across his face, "Well. Without love, the whole thing kind of falls apart now, doesn't it?"

Petra's mouth was hanging open at his rather sad explanation and she sighed heavily, sorrowfully, "Gods Captain. That's seriously…" a hand went to her face and she pushed her bangs to the side in distress, even though they fell right back into place in the very next second, "I mean kudos to you if you are just really into sex, but…something tells me that…" she paused again, unable to find the right words so it seemed as she kept stuttering a few syllables or making conflicted faces before finally giving up with another exhale, "I just…Wow. I'm sorry."

He smirked, almost chuckling as she tried to respond to him, clearly at a complete loss in trying to respond 'tactfully'. "You're sorry for my sex life?"

She watched him seriously then, her green eyes locking onto him firmly, "I'm sorry it's been unfulfilling." She corrected, and they both fell silent at the weight of her words, the passion and earnest she spoke with.

Eventually, Levi sighed and nodded toward her intentionally, "Alright. I've told you about my past, now it's your turn."

She quirked an eyebrow and gave a suddenly aloof shrug, "You know, I don't know if this is something that a Captain should be asking his subordinate..."

He bit back a snort and crossed his arms, "Please. I'm asking my wife."

Another silence extended, and Petra had been watching him expectantly, waiting for the ever dependable 'only on paper' comment to arise – it had almost become an inside joke to them so it seemed, the answer to their very own knock-knock joke that was so reliable and corny it was almost cringey – and yet Levi merely stared at her in silence.

When she watched him with suddenly wide eyes, still waiting, he groaned, "Oh come on, it's only fair. Like your past is worse than mine? You've got the easy part by comparison considering I went first, but fine. I won't judge or whatever, okay?"

Her mouth merely fell open at his words, realizing that even now he didn't realize why she had been watching him so closely. He hadn't even thought about it. He hadn't been making a joke or teasing their strange arrangement – he was legitimately referring to her as his actual wife, as though when he thought of her, their arrangement was not just a slight of hand or a ruse to keep her from her father – he mentally thought of her as his true, side by side, intentional wife now.

….When had that changed?

At the questions that suddenly arose in her mind, the way the thoughts caused her heart to race inside her chest, Levi cleared his throat, still completely unaware as to the true nature of her silence. She took a deep breath, willing her thoughts to retreat back within her mind until she could properly address them later. She refocused her attention and forced a smile onto her face, "My past?"

She took a breath, "Well it's pretty uneventful, and honestly, you kinda already know it."

Levi groaned in dismay, "The boyfriend? For real, that's the only guy? No…drunken one-night stands or anything? No moments of weakness or lonely nights that had you in the arms of another man? Not even once?"

If Petra's words were to be true – and he knew better than to believe she'd lie about something like this – that meant she hadn't been with anyone in close to a decade, and that kind of discipline made him almost ashamed of how weak he was in comparison.

Petra quirked an eyebrow at his clear distress and laughed, "Wait, would you want me to have had various hook ups with people? I get that neither of us could have predicted we'd end up here, but-"

Levi found that she had a point, and he grumbled bitterly, "Of course I wouldn't want that for you. Like you said so well, hookups happen to be rather unfulfilling – yet even still, it would make it easier if you weren't such a damned goody two-shoes all the time. You're making me feel like a creep."

She gave a fond smile, "Sorry Captain, but like it or not, I am disciplined, I have a hard time trusting others I don't know, and it's those same traits that landed me a spot on your squad to begin with." She took another breath and shrugged, "Either way, as for the guy I was with, even that's pretty boring. I started dating a boy and…" she paused and smiled softly, clearly lost in thought as she explained, "Well, I was young and enjoyed being romanced, and eventually, we fell in love. Nothing too serious at first, a stolen kiss here or there, a wandering hand, and eventually…we went all the way."

Levi watched her quietly, and Petra gave a laugh at her memories, "We snuck around for months, being so careful to hide it from my father because, granted he's no Commanding Officer, but he is a carpenter and can really do some damage when he's mad – you can guess where I get my temper from – but looking back, it's obvious now that he knew the whole time." She gave a mirthful groan and shook her head, "Gods, we thought we were so clever too."

As she spoke, she gave a chuckle, "You know, the funny thing is – sorry if this is too much information – but I'm almost certain I never actually…Well I mean, he would because guys are so simple for that sort of thing, but in figuring things out we never could quite get me to-" she looked up at him and bit her lower lip nervously as a deep blush stained her face, "Well, you know."

Levi watched her flatly in appraisal, and nodded simply, almost smirking as he responded, "Oh I know. Do you know? Cause it certainly doesn't sound like it."

She rolled her eyes in embarrassment, "Okay Mr. Experienced, laugh it up all you want, but he was my first, and only partner! Neither of us knew what we were doing, and half the time we were so spooked because we didn't want to get caught! In truth though, even though things were messy and it probably wasn't all that great…well, I really cherish those memories. They were very special to me – my first time, with a boy that I truly loved. It was perfect, in that sense at least."

Levi watched her talk, a contentment to her words and he found himself asking, far too quickly, "Do you still? Uh, love him, that is."

Petra seemed to come back to the present at his urgent question, and as she looked at him, she noticed the urgency to his voice and the shadow of fear in his eyes. Petra gave him a warm smile and laughed, "No. He is nothing more than a memory to me, Captain, but a good memory none the less. He was my first in many ways, but he is neither my present, nor my future as that time is well behind me. What, eight years ago now, right?"

Levi gave a nod at her words, but inwardly felt a myriad of conflicted and confusing thoughts. Above all, he found that even though he was the one that had a much more 'eventful' life in regard to partners and history – even though his experience with women was enough where he could perhaps accurately be accused of sleeping around, where his story could very well raise eyebrows and cause Petra to feel devalued considering the many women he had had before her – it was Petra's chaste and humble story that got to him and made him feel agitated and nervous and…fearful.

Their stories were fundamentally different in every way. He had been with multiple partners that hadn't cared for him any more than he cared about them. It had been purely physical; lust and bodies and nothing more. But Petra…Petra had only had one partner – but it had been the partner; the one she admitted so freely that she had once loved, that she had given herself to completely.

There was a bitterness in his mouth and a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach as he thought about her kissing, being touched, being pursued and lusted after, being in love with this previous someone, and as much of an asshole as it made him, Levi knew at once that he was legitimately jealous of this some other man that had been with her in the most intimate of ways – not just physically but emotionally, even spiritually if he believed in such a thing. This 'boy' as she called him - he had had every part of her, and him? He had had none of that with her.

The way she smiled as she talked about their past – the fact that even though she could admit that their 'love making' – he mentally winced - had been lousy and she had never even finished, some lover he must have been, she still smiled about it eight fucking years later because even after all this time, it still meant that much to her.

He swallowed thickly and set his jaw in continued frustration, almost having wished that Petra had never told him about this boyfriend that had been with her so completely. It wasn't that he wanted to be her first, or that he needed to believe she was 'pure' – he could care less about that because it didn't change her in the slightest – what bothered him, what made the jealousy burn and consume him like a fire licking viciously at his pride, was knowing that there was someone out there who had been with her in ways that to date, he could only dream of.

What was more, even if there were parts of him that did dream, and desire such intimacy with Petra, especially in a physical sense, although he would be lying if he pretended that was the full extent of his desire - he wasn't even sure if he could commit to 'settling down' into a relationship with her. Even now, he wasn't sure about his feelings for her, and she had stated not so long ago that she didn't know her feelings for him either. Their relationship had been full of inconsistencies and question and…what the hell could he even offer her, when compared to a clean-cut guy that had most likely been so ardent in his pursuit of her, fully committed to their relationship and willing to revolve his life around her? What did she possibly see in someone like him, after being with someone like that? Could it be that she was blind perhaps, wearing rose colored glasses, and only seeing him as the man she wanted, rather than the man he was?

"Oh no," Petra suddenly groaned, and he almost jolted as her voice took him by surprise, "That face, why are you making that face? Is it because….we weren't married? You…you said you wouldn't judge me!" she stated in a sort of embarrassed groan, covering her hands with her face because she, of course, was already blushing.

Levi swallowed thickly, and wearily shook his head, speaking more to himself in attempts to talk himself down, because his reaction, his distress, wasn't fair. He spoke lowly, "I am in no place to judge you Petra. I should be happy for you, I suppose." He opened his mouth to speak – feeling that he should say something further in affirmation, even if he didn't want to, but thankfully, Petra had turned over her shoulder and suddenly gasped.

"Oh wow Levi! Levi look, the sunset." She gave a contented sigh and adjusted her position on the table so she could get a better angle, "This really is a good view; nice work."

She stared ahead at the sunset and gave a long sigh after a few minutes of silence passed between them, her face sobering to something a little more serious as she spoke, "I know you only told me all of that to…distract me. In fact, I know that you've got a lot of work to get done as I haven't exactly been around to help lighten the load as of late, so the fact you've sacrificed hours of your day to be with me after getting overwhelmed by it all…" she shook her head and gave another sigh, "What's more, you really never open up about your past either; I know it's something you don't like to do and I…appreciate that you trust me enough to say those things. I just want you to know that…I can see you really went out of your way today and…"

She turned over her shoulder and looked at him squarely, "You're a good man, Levi. And I know you don't believe that, so I will keep telling you over and over again, until you get it through your thick Ackerman skull, that you are in fact, a good man."

She stood up from the table, walking over to his side and leaning over him, she ran her hands down over the material of his jacket, over the Wings of Freedom emblem, and finally, she kissed him.

He tensed at first, because though he had kissed her so many times, this was out in the open and – he had already dismissed the thought, because the fuck did he care. He kissed her back, lightly and gently, following her lead as he knew that there were still some very vulnerable parts of her that he didn't want to damage by being greedy.

She kissed him between words, "And. You're a good Captain." She kissed him and pulled back ever so slightly, scowling at the sudden thought, "Dammit Levi - Why are you so good at everything?"

He found he was actually embarrassed by her praise, not because of the words she spoke, but because of the raw conviction she spoke with. She believed them to be true down to her very core, and he…well he supposed he agreed that he wasn't a terrible Captain by any means, but a good man? She might very well run out of breath trying to convince him of that one, because he knew himself, and fundamentally, there was no good to be found within him.

He kissed her lightly and willed his thoughts to rest, arching his neck up to meet her from his seated position, and he spoke against her lips, "You think I'm a good Captain?"

"Of course Levi, you're a great Captain. The best."

He put a finger to her lips, pulling his own head back so he could look at her seriously, "So when I tell you that as your 'great' Captain, I am ordering your project to an end, because I can tell that it's impacting you in ways that are far too dangerous to be left unchecked - when I tell you that I want your room picked up, spotless by the end of the night, and that I want all my folders returned before you go to bed, where you will not touch them without my express permission, what will you say?"

Her eyes widened at his words, and he held her gaze seriously, communicating wordlessly that he indeed expected an answer. He removed his hand away from her mouth and Petra sighed sadly as she shook her head, "Well…there's only one thing to say." He quirked an eyebrow and she nodded only once, "…Yes, Captain."

"Promise me, Petra." he whispered quietly, an unease in his voice as he spoke seriously, "As more than your Captain, promise me as…well, as your husband, that you're done with this sick project, because I really can't watch you live like this anymore. Your team can't watch you live like this anymore, and I'm sorry woman, but I'm out of ideas. Just promise me that you'll drop it and go back to how you used to be before Erwin came and fucked it all up."

"Levi," Petra almost smiled at his gentleness, his obvious concern and desperation, and she nodded softly with a wistful expression, "I promise."

He smiled in relief, pleased that for once she was actually following his orders without an ounce of back talk or 'trying to explain her perspective' and he stood up to his feet, pulling her closer toward him – intending to kiss her again, but freezing in place when Petra merely wrapped her arms around him in that moment with a sort of abandon, hands clenching into the back of his jacket as she embraced him tightly. He stiffened in surprise, but his surprise only grew all the more when Petra began crying into his chest, her hot breath bleeding through the fabric of his uniform as she spoke, "I know you're right Captain, but I just…ugh, damn it. Why couldn't I do it? I don't understand. I tried so hard. Why is it that when I need to come through the most, I don't? Damn it! Why can't…why can't I just be…maybe, more like you?"

He found he didn't have an answer for her, so he remained quiet, eventually wrapping his arms around her securely, returning her embrace and holding her patiently as she continued to cry against him.

In truth, he was glad she wasn't more like him. He was flawed – flawed in so many ways that she didn't understand because she was so good with people and blind to her own strengths – but Petra, well, he dared say that she was as perfect a woman as he could ever hope to meet.

No, he sighed as he held her small quivering frame, noting that while her goal may have been to be 'like him' – a stupid goal if he had ever heard one – he was certain that she was doing just fine on her own.

…

End of Chapter

…

Okay guys…holy cow. I've said it last week, but this chapter here is for real one of my favorite chapters of the entire series. For sure top five, and I'd like to think that I've got close to 3/4ths the story written out at this point? Give or take.

For all those curious, I've read a good number of Levi fics as a whole, especially right before I decided to start writing AOT pieces back in the day to see what others did with his character, and I find it to be a common theme that Levi was consistently a virgin before the official coupling because with him being such a neat freak, I consistently saw that angle being utilized where he wasn't comfortable being physical because it was 'dirty'. While I understand (and respect!) those interpretations…for me personally, I just couldn't see that being a thing and wanted to give a fresh take on Levi and how his upbringing would affect his relations with others, specifically in a physical sense.

Real talk guys. Poverty is hell. Growing up in poverty is hell. (#Iwouldknow) His mom worked in a brothel and in a place like the Underground where it's a group of forgotten people left to die where Kenny steps in and teaches him how to make it and actually survive – and with such a mentor, such a backwater hellhole, such lack of government assistance or proper resources, I really can't see it any other way because no one thrives in those conditions guys; you merely survive them.

So yeah, there's a fresh take for you regarding Levi's situation! As for Petra, man this section breaks my heart because some of the things she says are so painfully relatable that this section can actually make me tear up a little. I understand that heartbreak, when she just has that moral fallout of when I need to come through, when it actually matters, I don't, and what the heck because it seems that everyone else can but me and what's so wrong with me?

More real talk guys – it happens. Everyone has their failures, and everyone has their successes. The bummer is, often times at a moment where you're experiencing a low, someone else is having a high moment in their life and it can make it seem like you yourself are just that much worse off by comparison. Not so yall. They are just in a different time and season in their life, so keep your chin up because things will turn around for you too. In time, and at the right time. You're not a failure :)

Merry Christmas lovelies. Have a wonderful holiday season, drink some cocoa, and I will see you after the holiday, same as usual.

~Midnight