This was my second installment for holidayblindspot. It turned out slightly angstier than I intended (yes, I still think they shrugged off Jane's post-Remi struggles too easily), but it still is Jeller (uninterrupted!) and it does have a happy ending 😊. Timeline is somewhere post-s4 and taking down mad Maddie shortly before Christmas, timeline be damned. All inconsistencies or errors are mine.

Hope you like it!

Count Your Blessings

Jane let out a contented murmur as she slowly woke to another morning with Kurt's arms wrapped securely around her. She snuggled deeper into the warmth of his embrace, not wanting to open her eyes just yet.

"Merry Christmas." Kurt whispered, placing a lazy kiss on her shoulder, when he noticed she was awake. She could hear the smile and happiness in his voice.

"Merry Christmas," she half-mumbled in reply, smiling.

It was Christmas morning, and they were comfortably burrowed under a down duvet of a king-size bed. They had had their Christmas celebration with Bethany a few days before, and Avery was spending Christmas with a friend in Montreal brushing up on her French, so Kurt and Jane had decided to get out of the City for the holidays, heading upstate and to a cabin that belonged to an old friend of Kurt's. His friend lived in Florida, and had no intention to return to freezing temperatures for Christmas, so he was happy to let Kurt and Jane have the cabin when Kurt called him.

Jane was happy they were here, grateful. The year had been a whirlwind to say the least. They were finally starting to get their lives back together again after all the things that had happened. Jane kept her eyes closed, letting her mind wander and counting her blessings: thinking of how lucky she was to be healthy again, to have Kurt and others who loved her. Despite her happiness, her mind still ended up in a dark place. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, hoping it would drive away the gloomy thoughts.

Kurt nuzzled her neck. "You're quiet."

She smiled at the gesture: she should've known he could tell when something was bothering her.

"What is it?" He asked, his tone worried as he propped himself on his elbow and gently rolled her onto her back so that he could see her face.

Jane sighed, her eyes briefly making contact with his.

"I just…keep thinking back to this whole past year or so that we've had: with Madeline, and taking her down, being on the run, Remi, and the ZIP." Her hear was aching, when she looked at Kurt. "I don't deserve this."

"Jane…"

She gave him a pained look. Even after all this time, after being on the run and doing questionable things to right wrongs, it was the things she had as Remi that the struggled with the most. She had hurt the ones she loved. "No, Kurt….what I did to you and the others, how I lied…I almost –"

Kurt leaned in close, his nose brushing against hers. "Shh…none of that now," he told her softly, his eyes shining with love. "I told you before, that it doesn't matter. And I'll keep telling you that until the end of the world, if I have to." The sincerity in his look made her heart constrict.

He gave her a kiss. "All that matters now, is that you're here."

"But the things I did–."

Kurt brushed his thumb against her lip and shook his head. "Are done. And it doesn't matter anymore." He brought his hand to her cheek, tracing it tenderly. "I almost lost you." He continued; his voice filled with emotion.

"I almost lost you, too." Jane replied, thinking back to the cabin explosion in Iceland.

Kurt nodded softly in acknowledgement. "I know. But we're still here." He gave her a reassuring smile. "And despite all the things you did as Remi, you've done so much to make up for it."

Jane felt a calming warmth in her chest as she gazed into his eyes.

"You helped take down Madeline, taking way more risks than I was comfortable with…", saying the second comment with gentle admonishment. "You fought to come back here, to clear our names." He went on, determined to drag her out of the hole that her mind had sunk. "We all make mistakes. But you can't hang them over your head forever. You are an incredible woman and an incredible wife, Jane."

She thought her heart would burst at his words. She brought her hand to the nape of his neck, caressing it softly before pulling him close for a slow and reverent kiss. When they broke the kiss, she felt like Kurt had succeeded in driving the darkness away once again.

He chuckled as she rolled them over, tucking herself firmly into the warmth of his side again. "There's that smile I love," he murmured as he buried his nose in hair, squeezing her close.

Jane closed her eyes, relaxing into Kurt's soothing touch as he brushed his fingers up and down her side. She had almost fallen back asleep, when Kurt spoke.

"So, given that it's Christmas, what do you want to do today?"

"Pancakes."

"Pancakes? You're starting to sound like Bethany." Kurt laughed. "It's Christmas morning. How about presents?"

"Pancakes first, I'm hungry."

Her reply earned another chuckle from him. "Well, we can't have that." He moved to get up, and kissed her. "Come on, let's go make some pancakes before you starve."