Morning guys. *rubs eyes and yawns* I usually make a habit of doing my edits on Saturday night, then getting to just wake up and effectively hit send - but I've been writing up new material and editing a VERY important future chapter that literally took eh, lets see…just shy of three MONTHS to write from start to end? Yeah.

Let it be known that last night I finally finished said chapter, edited it, and it is post ready and *happy sigh* Yall will love it when you get there. I'll be sure to point it out and be like, this is the one that took so long. And yall will instantly understand why it took so long – but at always one step at a time because that's a while away. Just wanted to share my success on that one, because as a writer I haven't had too much issue with writer's block for this piece, but sometimes getting a chapter chiseled down to how I want it is truly tricky and frustrating work.

None the less, things are still crazy with the pandemic. I'm happy to say that my job is one marked as 'essential' so even as cities move/remain in lockdown, I still have my job – with overtime no less - the husband still has his job and his full hours, and in truth, some part of me feels guilty as I know there are SO many others that aren't as lucky, but our little family is doing well and is blessed during this time. So…just for those wondering or worried - We're good. Truly.

I hope yall are doing well, and that you are doing your part in social distancing (in the event you still have the freewill to travel outside of the home of course haha) Be safe, be smart, and thanks for showing up each week! Yall are awesome and I hope this makes your week a little better :)

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…

After a particularly long day of meetings and numbers and action plans, Petra almost mentally scoffed at the thought because it hadn't been a long day of meetings – it had been a long handful of nonstop weeks of meetings and statistics - so admittedly, Petra was thrilled when Erwin said that they all needed a break. It was while leadership and herself was gathered in Erwin's office that the blonde gave a sudden pause and declared that after dinner, he was cancelling all their meetings and scheduled events, because he was ordering each of them to take some intentional personal time.

While it was only a few hours at best, it was more than any of them had had in weeks, and Petra found herself anxiously eating dinner as quickly as possible before moving through the compound and intentionally making her way toward Levi's room. She peered into his room, which she knew would be empty, as Levi had left the dining hall rather quickly to take a shower, and Petra had successfully wagered that she would end up beating him back to his room.

Truth be told, she wasn't exactly sure how the Captain would respond to her just appearing in his room without cause like this. While this was far from the first time she had sought him out for intentional company, this was the first time she didn't have an excuse to hide behind that masked the fact that really, she just wanted to see him. Normally she would have tried to find something to bring up, even the smallest item of business that she could spring board off from, and then just conveniently not leave once her problem had been addressed, but the problem here was they had all had a meeting not two hours ago where any business they had needed to discuss had been taken care of then and there, and the Captain would have known as much. No, she was waiting for him, in his room, completely uninvited, with no reason to hide behind, other than the fact that she just…wanted to spend some time with him.

The truth of the situation made her feel far too vulnerable and exposed, and if it weren't for the fact that some part of her knew it was now or never because who knew the next time Erwin would give them a night off like this, Petra likely would have chickened out and left his room without a trace, in fear of being somewhat rejected, because what if she, in and of herself, just wasn't enough?

Maybe that was too dramatic, because she knew it wasn't always that personal.

What if he was tired? Or had wanted a quiet night to himself, considering his timetables had also been just as overloaded as her own? That was more than fair, because everyone had been overloaded for so long now and they each needed to find some way to unwind. Was she being too selfish perhaps; forcing him into a situation where he had to give even that time to her as well? Maybe her being here at all really was a bad idea. After all, her bedroom door was just as open, so if he wanted to see her, he could always visit her on his own so there was no need to outright corner him like this, right?

Before Petra had the ability to make a sudden retreat, having successfully talked herself out of the risk and now convinced that this was in fact, a terrible idea, it was then that the door handle began to turn and Levi walked in. His gaze was focused on the ground, but after quickly noting that he wasn't alone in his room, he looked up in slow confusion and he blinked as though thoroughly surprised, seeing Petra nervously standing near his dresser and watching him hesitantly.

"Petra?" his voice was a low question, and his eyes spoke of concern.

She could understand his confusion. It wasn't like her to come to his room like this, business or otherwise. She had always met him in his office because there was something much more intimate when they were alone in one of their bedrooms, but she knew that with how busy Levi was, combined with the fact that there wasn't much paperwork for him to fill out now that Hanji, herself, and Erwin were taking the brunt of the Regiment's paperwork during this unique time of transition, she knew full well that he wouldn't linger in his office once he was showered off.

Still, the last time she had been in his room like this, it had been when he was sick – when she came at the dead of night to check on him just one last time, and had ended up staying next to him all night instead, resting on the floor near his bed as she cared for his breaking fever. There had been such a tenderness, a displayed trust and care and acceptance that night, and looking back now, Petra supposed that really was where it had all begun.

She took a deep breath, then gave an exhale of defeat and nodded, because as Levi stood in the doorway, watching her in wonder, she realized that her avenue of escape had just been cut off completely and her nervousness grew tenfold as a result, "Uh, yeah. Hey, Captain."

At her obvious discomfort, Levi's eyebrows furrowed and he quickly closed the door behind him, turning back toward her as he clicked the lock in place and walked across his room in concern, "What's wrong?"

Petra realized that in her ill ease, she had incorrectly given Levi the impression that something bad had happened to some degree, and she waived her hands in clarification at his intense and dark expression, because it looked like he was ready to bash someone's face in if she so much as gave a name. "Oh, no no Captain! Nothing is wrong, I came here to…well, uh, check on you."

Levi paused in place, a single eyebrow quirked as he watched her in even greater confusion, "Check on me?"

She groaned at her poor choice of words and nodded sheepishly, "Well yes, but no. Not like that, you know, like you're sick or anything. I just wanted to see how it's going, you know, with uh…you? Just…you know, how's it…going?"

Levi's expression only contorted further, until his mouth was somewhat open as he stared at her in wonder, and Petra could feel a blush rising to her face because this was… not going well. At all.

A thick silence fell over the room, and Levi spoke hesitantly, a sudden suspicion lacing his tone as he watched her with narrowed eyes, "It's…fine. I guess. Look, did Erwin send you here or something? Some update or problem that just came to light? Did I do something wrong?"

At his question, the fact that Levi was asking her if there was a problem with his performance, it almost seemed like an out of body experience, because oh how the tables had turned in the past few months, and Petra bit her lip and sighed in growing frustration and dread, "No, no Levi. Alright, I know I'm communicating poorly. I'm sorry, I just…I'm nervous."

Levi gave a slow nod, also able to see that Petra was agitated about something, and he watched her expectantly, because as it stood now, he still had no idea as to why she had come to his room like this, and his theories ranged from her being angry, over worked, sick of working with Hanji (he certainly would be, so that seemed the most likely) or that she did have some degree of bad news or coaching from Erwin, but was too nervous to actually spit it out.

Eventually Petra gave a long sigh, a nervous smile on her lips as she stared into the ground, "Levi, I'm literally here, just to see you. Okay? That's all. I'm sorry, I know I wasn't invited, and this is your room so I really shouldn't have just barged in here, and I'm sure you're tired so…so I won't take up your time, I just – it's been a while, you know?" She took a breath, finding that she was fiddling with the ends of her shirt nervously, and she didn't dare look up at her Captain as she spoke further in quiet admission, "I'm used to spending all my time with you, and now I'm spending none of my time with you, and it's been so long so I just wanted to run into you, without it having to be business or reports or numbers, but…but I know that you need to relax and unwind too, so I'll just…" she nodded toward the door and turned toward her crutches so she could make a rather inglorious and pitiful escape, and from across the room Levi gave a rather dramatic roll of his eyes.

Before she could so much as grab her crutches, let alone use them to try and walk out, Levi had moved toward her, grabbed them instead, and Petra's head shot up from the ground as she watched Levi intentionally move her crutches to the opposite end of the room, effectively leaving her all but marooned at his desk – unless she wanted to literally crawl across the ground to retrieve them.

Not likely.

"Captain, what are you-"

He turned back toward her and watched her flatly, "Oh, you're not fucking going anywhere woman, because I've got a bone to pick with you. You, the woman who has upheaved the entire Scout Regiment in giving them this newfound 'hope' to the extent they are calling you some sort of angel or some shit – you have single handedly worked me harder in this three week timeframe than I've worked this entire year, all while you're supposed to be on leave, mind you. Remember that? How you being injured like this was going to make it so you were off duty, relaxing, and healing, for a minimum of six damn weeks?" He crossed his arms and scoffed, "How is it that you always get your way? It's statistically impossible, and yet somehow it all just magically works itself out for you every damn time."

At his words, Petra watched him in question, her mouth falling open as though she didn't know what to say, and eventually, a sort of amused smirk came from Levi and a low chuckle left him. "And now you come here, unannounced, when I haven't had so much as an hour of spare time in weeks, all because you just want to see me, and thereby assume that I'll just drop everything to appease your selfish demands?"

Her voice came out in an alarmed sort of squeak, "No, you don't have to, Captain, I just – I was going to leave because I know it's asking a lot but-"

At her scrambling retort, her embarrassed and panicked expression, the fact that she had also been equally as busy and yet of all things she could have prioritized, she found herself in his room first and foremost - a sincere laugh left him, musical and warm, and whatever retort Petra was organizing further died on her tongue outright.

Levi shook his head, his laughter still continuing and eventually he looked toward her with a sort of smile that made her stomach do nervous flips, "Gods woman, you're such…fuck, you're just such a damn brat!"

A blush rose to her face at his direct stare, admittedly still embarrassed by his words that were intentionally meant to poke fun at her, but still, if it meant she got to hear him laugh like that again, she found she didn't mind at all. A cautious smile came to her lips regardless her embarrassment, and she watched him warmly because at the very least he didn't seem to be mad at her, and Levi's smile grew ever so slightly as Petra watched him with a hesitant smile.

"Sorry. But still, it's…good to see you, Levi. And while I'm not really sorry for the reasoning's that have led you to a heavier workload, I am sorry for the inconvenience of it all. I know the numbers aspect, but beyond that I'm kind of blind because it's all just numbers on my end. I don't want the business answer, so don't think that, just…tell me, how's training been going with the Scouts? I know you're all making progress but…"

Levi nodded, understanding what she meant and he gave a shrug as he walked toward her, pulling the chair in his room toward her so she could take a seat, and he also retired, sitting down on the edge of his bed in a sudden plop because perhaps it would be nice to talk about his work with her, without it needing to be the professional 'HR' response.

He rubbed his temples with one hand, any amusement in his features instantly gone as he responded in sheer exhaustion, "Well frankly, it's been a long time since I've had to train anyone who isn't some variance of an elite soldier, so remind me to thank you all come the time that we can actually return to our normal training, because this is all just asinine. Half of the cadets don't learn anything unless you beat them half to death, and the other half are scared so shitless that they can't even look me in the eye."

As he spoke, he rubbed his shoulder with an irritated huff, and shook his head again, "How about you? Surely you've fallen into the groove of working with Hanji and Erwin, where by now the novelty has worn off. How is that all going? Still liking it, or have you finally figured out that you delved into work that's way above your head?"

Petra gave an amused laugh, and sighed with an accepting nod, "Well Captain, unfortunately there's some truth to that for sure. For the most part I keep up just fine and can balance my work load pretty decently, but I've gotten a bit lost in my own thoughts once or twice, fell victim to my own poor time management, and they've had to bail me out a time or two throughout this process. I'd say that I'm doing well for a complete novice who's never had any formal training with these sorts of matters, but I'd be lying if I said that you couldn't tell a difference between my work versus Hanji or the Commander's. There's little doubt that I'm over my head, but it's sink or swim and no one has time for me to fail or buckle under the pressure. So…I make due I guess, but it's been hectic."

A silence fell over the room, and Levi watched his subordinate with a suddenly serious expression, "Tell me Petra, because I know the thought has crossed your mind, as it should have." He paused as a frown came to his face, and he moved his opposite arm back to his shoulder, rubbing the joint in small circles as he amended his words, "Well, I guess you don't have to tell me, as like an order or anything, because really I'm just curious is all, but…are you considering a change of position or promotion after all of this? Your end of year review is coming up next quarter and you've built quite the case for yourself, should you choose to pursue a different role in the military."

The way he watched her combined with the weight of his question admittedly caught her off guard, because while it hadn't been her persay goal in any of this, it didn't escape her notice that Erwin and Hanji were going well out of their way to train her and build up her still raw skillset. In their conversations, in their intentional teaching, they made no attempts to disguise the fact they intended to utilize her skills in the future, and Petra was well aware that their end goal of molding her into a sort of analyst created a conflict of interests that would eventually come to a head, and soon.

The only reason her skills could be used at all like this right now was because she was on leave, and therefore, not reporting directly under Levi, where his team specialized in tactics on the battlefield, as Levi himself was the most dangerous weapon the Scouts could lay claim to, and his squad was an extension of his extraordinary talent that served to amplify his impact on the battlefield.

While equally important, the two groups had little to do with the other, and regardless the fact she had been a top performer on Levi's squad for years, even still, Erwin and Hanji so confidently spoke as though it would only be a matter of time before she was working with them side by side in a researching, theoretics sort of position. While she appreciated that she could help them and was thrilled that she had seemed to find her niche in the military, more than that it concerned her because she didn't really know if that was what she wanted, and if these last few weeks had taught her anything – she knew doubtlessly that there was no successful way to do both.

She had tried that once already; running under the command of Levi during the day, then trying to do an entire day's worth of research for Erwin in a mere four hours during the night, all while cutting out her sleep and meals, and it was no surprise Levi had intervened in the manner he had, because she had declined fast.

Due to her newly gained experience of working under the direct tutelage of both Hanji and Erwin, she now knew her mental boundaries almost as well as her physical ones –something she had no concept of a mere two months ago – and ironically enough, if Erwin had come to her in the present day with a similar stipulation that would have so obviously overloaded her work day, with such little probability of payout, she would guiltlessly give him a flat out no because it was more than exhausting all of her resources and unless he could give her something more tangible, it just wouldn't be worth her time.

Back then she had been too inexperienced and naïve to see the dangers of exerting her mind past its limitations, and while Levi had warned her and tried to convince her otherwise, Erwin knew full well that with her stubbornness, her idealistic, untrained sort of optimism would win out in the end and it led her down the path she found herself on now.

As she thought about Levi's question, she found she didn't have an easy answer, and she looked into the floor as she attempted to sort her thoughts, "About that. I've been thinking about that night in your office. You remember? You gave me a lot of sound advice that day, but I just wasn't experienced enough to understand it and so I disregarded it completely. I'm…childish in that manner I suppose, and for whatever it's worth I'm sorry because you were right about everything, which of course, you knew already. You gave me a verbal beating because you knew I hadn't really thought ahead in terms of what this would do for my mental state and career, and I got so mad at you and left instead of even trying to hear you out."

She gave a sad smile and shot him an apologetic frown, "Now here we are, almost two months later and I'm wishing I had slowed down a little more, like you said, because I've placed myself at a fork in the road and I find that I'm much more comfortable in a place where I don't have to make all these dire decisions that dictate the lives of other people that I'm now apparently responsible for. A mere oversight on my end equates to the outright death of another and…well, I'm not exactly sleeping all that great right now, because the pressure is immense and I'm up all night wondering if I could have done it any better. I know I'm too far in to walk away now, but sometimes the mental strain is too much and…"

Petra gave a longsuffering sigh, and Levi didn't miss the dark, jaded sort of shadowed look in her eyes, nor her words that were clearly coming from a place of newly gained experience. He couldn't help the twinge of wistfulness he felt, because the haunted look she wore now - he had been in her shoes once, at a cross roads and wondering just how far down the rabbit hole he was willing to go, and to this day, he still couldn't really say if he had come out on top or not.

He exhaled and crossed his arms thoughtfully, "Well, that all-consuming guilt goes away - with time. Eventually you become used to making those tough judgment calls that will undoubtedly save some, but outright sacrifice others. It will just be part of your day and I can say from experience that you'll grow numb to it entirely." Levi paused and a sort of dark smirk came to his lips, "Although. That fact in and of itself can really fuck you up from time to time too, in its own way at least."

At his words, her expression grew all the more pensive, and she nodded softly, "I can see that. At least, I can start to see that anyhow. It's hard, because some part of me really likes knowing that what I'm here doing is making a difference; a real difference. Erwin has been preparing a deck for the Royal Government that he should be sending to them any day now, because if this worked for the Scout Regiment, there's no reason this wouldn't work for the other factions too, and if as a whole the military can start saving so much on gas costs each month, costs of shipping, manufacturing - that's a really big deal. That can help civilian groups, recovery efforts, development projects, theoretical weapons and engineering – and that's just the beginning, Captain. Currently there's not really anyone in the military who's role it is to just monitor efficiencies, which is a real shame because with how bad off humanity is, we simply can't afford to be wasteful with anything and if we did employ a group who could look at generic resourcefulness, even if it was just specific to the military then-"

At her suddenly passionate speech, after realizing her words had run off with her entirely, Petra fell silent, and she almost felt guilty when there was a wistful, pained sort of smile on the Captain's face as he watched her blather on as though she were the perfect protégé of Hanji herself.

"You've grown a lot, Petra. You should be proud."

"But therein lies the problem Captain, and why I don't have an answer to your question right now. For one, you of all people know if I'm up for a promotion or not, so that's all on you – but if you are meaning to ask if that's what I'm hoping for…" she sighed and shook her head, "I really don't know. Erwin and Hanji seem optimistic about my natural talent, but at the end of the day I don't know if I want to be in such a high-pressure position. The mental burden is significant, just like you said it would be, and be it laziness, or fear, or some form of ignorant bliss, but I'm not fully convinced that I want to put myself in the position where I have perpetual blood on my hands, for the rest of my life."

Levi nodded at her words, perhaps somewhat relieved to hear that with her newly gained experience, it was allowing her to make a much more educated decision regarding her future in the Scout Regiment, and she continued, "And then there's the obvious problem that if I did promote to some other position, well…I wouldn't be on your squad anymore, Levi. Come the time we'd go on Expeditions, I'd be kept off the front lines and my role would be more for surveying and gathering data than actually fighting the Titan's head on, so my contribution to the battlefield would be minimal at best and that legitimately bothers me that I'd be in a role of support, rather than the actual battlefield."

Again Levi nodded, shifting his position on the bed and rolling his shoulder then neck as he responded flatly, "Well sure, but is that really so terrible? It's not like your contributions to the war would cease, your major source of impact to the military would stem from your mind, through ideas and data, much like it does now, rather than your mere blades alone – and if you don't think your data can do damage, well, I don't have to tell you of all people what the numbers show. You can be an incredible asset, even from behind a desk. Erwin and Hanji are both strong examples of that very thing."

When Petra gave a distasteful sort of frown, Levi intentionally made a point of grabbing her direct eye contact so she knew the seriousness that he spoke with, "Listen. All I'm saying is that no one wants to die in the mouth of a Titan Petra, not even me, and this would be a great way to mitigate a large portion of that risk. It's not cowardly, it's just a matter of asking yourself what sort of role you want to play, and depending on your values, where you'll be most effective if it's actually the tides of war you're interested in and wondering how to make the biggest splash with your influence. You're a skilled warrior Petra, you wouldn't be on my squad if you weren't, but don't forget that your mental capabilities are unique and rare. They shouldn't be discredited just because they aren't as flashy."

Levi took a breath and nodded toward her, "Either way, I'd give the matter some serious thought Petra. Not that I've heard anything or that I'm trying to drop hints, because I legitimately don't know what Erwin nor the government is thinking – there's a lot more that goes into position and rank than my two cents alone - but this project is big. I don't even think you realize how big just yet, and I'm telling you now that you need to be ready to defend whatever position you want to have in the military, should someone try to push you into a role you aren't interested in or ready for. Last time you were unaware and naïve, Erwin took advantage of that and manipulated you with little difficulty. Don't make the mistake of thinking that there aren't others who would do the same, and with much less noble intentions. The military is full of shady, glory seeking fucks."

As Petra watched him as he tried to coach her, she gave a nod to confirm that she was in fact listening, but she couldn't help when a sort of frown pulled at her lips, because as he spoke, again he was moving his shoulder – the same one he had been fidgeting with throughout their entire conversation, and Petra found herself frowning as she looked at him suspiciously.

"Right Captain. And I'm sorry but…what did you do to your shoulder?"

"You need to be ready for-" he paused as though only now registering her question, and he shrugged, "What? Oh, nothing. It's fine. Now I know you're stubborn Petra, but if there's ever a time that-"

"You did something to it alright," she insisted with a sudden note of certainty to her tone as she focused on his shoulder in continued distraction, "You keep messing with it because you're clearly uncomfortable, and if you try to pass it off as nothing when I know it's something, you're just going to upset me! What did you do?"

Levi pressed his lips together and exhaled tensely through his nose, "I told you that I've been working hard at training. It's just a little stiff right now, that's all."

Petra watched him with a quirked eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. When Levi watched her in challenge, as though still unwilling to come clean about whatever it was that was so clearly bothering him, Petra clicked her tongue.

"Very well, Captain." She rose up from her chair and pushed off his dresser as though planning to cross the room without her crutches, and Levi was already up on his feet, moving toward her with an irritated glare of his own.

As she took a sort of hop forward, Levi was already standing right in front of her, hands over her hips as he held her forcefully in place. His voice was a demanding sort of grumble, "Petra, for Maria's sake, what did the doctor tell you about-"

As he spoke, Petra ignored him completely; her eyes narrowed critically as though confronted with some puzzle or task, and after a moment of thought, she slowly brought her hand up to his shoulder, from behind his back where he wouldn't see her intended trajectory and quickly pressed her fingertips right above his shoulder blade with an intentional, pressing jab. Whatever Levi was in the middle of saying stopped outright, because he flinched with a sharp inhale, and Petra's expression morphed into a sort of smug stare, and she smirked at him proudly.

"So nothing, huh Captain? Right, I highly doubt that just a little bit of soreness would have made Humanity's Strongest flinch like that. Come on, sit down and let me have a look at it."

Levi gave her a flat, hesitant stare, and Petra smiled warmly as she nodded toward the bed, "Really Captain, just trust me."

…

End of Chapter

…

Alright, that will have to do for this week.

Definitely some important dialogue in this chapter, but man, my tender little heart just loves the 'slower' chapters like this where they just get to sit down and legitimately talk. They've certainly gotten better about it over the months, and it's nice to see that unlike how it would have been in years past, I feel the need to point out that in my opinion, our quiet and reserved Levi is the one that lead most of this conversation, because he's comfortable enough to do so with her.

Remember, in previous chapters how Levi mentally narrates that when they 'talk' – Petra could talk for hours on end with just single nods and confirmations from him? *pleased sigh* I probably shouldn't point those things out because as said, I like to leave those conclusions up to the reader and those who are a bit more squinty when they read in the event they are looking for those smaller details but…haha, I guess I'm just in a pretty good mood perhaps.

Yall, for real, stay safe in the weeks to come, and stay smart. Still a lot of unknowns, but I'll still be here for yall week to week, and we'll all get through it together one step at a time.

See you next week!

~Mid