Well I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter ;) !
Esme
Almost a hundred years ago she first met Carlisle, and although many childhood memories were shrouded in a deep mist, she remembered the moment as if it were yesterday.
She was only 16 years old, young, naive, carefree and cheerful. Her encounter with Carlisle was like a brief miracle that accompanied her growth, his flawless face and the goodness in his gaze always remained in her memory.
The tree she climbed was no stranger to her. She had known it since she was born and it wasn't the first time she tried to get to the highest branch. And although she knew every handle, was so sure of her cause, she fell.
In retrospect, she often compared the tree to Charlie.
Charlie Evenson.
As the years went by and more and more of her friends got married and started families, Esme felt an urge within her too. However, it was not to find a husband, but to make her dream come true - to become a teacher.
1915 was not a glorious time for women with their own thoughts and dreams, and Esme quickly realized that their desires were secondary. Her father urged her to give in to an acquaintance's solicitation and it was only after a long time that Esme realized that her father had only the best in mind for her.
He wanted her to be looked after, to have someone look after her. There was simply no place for independent women and he wanted to spare her this fate, unsuspecting that he was sending her into her nightmare.
Charles Evenson was a handsome and eloquent man.
He was polite and knew how to behave. Esme always thought he too lacked the kindness she had sought in vain in the eyes of her poachers since meeting Carlisle, but eventually she gave in to the urge. All she did know, that even if the handsome Doctor was not already marries, he sure was too old for her.
It didn't take long for Charles to show his true colors, an ugly grimace under the guise of a polite gentleman. Individual incidents quickly turned into a routine and Esme could hardly remember when she didn't have to cover up bruises in her time as a human.
She ran to her parents in the hope that they would offer her protection and was sent away. Maybe they weren't able to imagine such a disaster, they certainly hadn't believed her, otherwise they would never have sent her back.
When Charles was called up for World War I in 1918, Esme learned for the first time in her life what it meant to be free.
She painted, she laughed, she met up with friends. She could finally breathe. Dark thoughts crept into her head and she was shocked to find that every time a soldier turned into her street and brought the bad news to the new widows, she hoped he would knock on her door.
When Charles came home and violated his rights as a husband, she thought with closed eyes that she had deserved it. After all, she had hoped that her husband had died in the war. She had hoped the last thing to do with him was his funeral. She deserved the punishment, she deserved the violence and hatred that fell upon her.
But in the midst of the abuse, the hatred and the violence, something beautiful emerged.
A baby. Her son.
Esme remembered exactly how she sat on the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom and was rigid with shock. It wasn't a decision she made - it was a fact she was faced with. She wouldn't let her child grow up in this environment, even if it cost her life.
Although her child was no bigger than a bean, she drew more strength from the love for it than she had ever had in her life.
She left Charles.
It took a few tries before she could free herself from him, but in the end she lived her dream. She became a teacher and in her body grew the greatest gift of her life.
Fear of Charles went with her every step of the way. She saw him again in various men, in the reflections of the shop windows, she heard his hateful voice in her ears, his screams and insults. She felt the pain of his kicks and blows. The only thing that kept her from madness was Jack.
Her unborn son.
He gave her the strength to go on, he gave her life meaning.
Charles had often called her worthless, too stupid and too clumsy to accomplish anything. Too ugly and boring to interest anyone. He kept saying he was the only one who cared about her, the only one who will ever care for her.
Without him she was nothing. It was easy to believe him, apparently you internalize things when you have been told them often enough. But everything was different with Jack, she was good enough to be a mother, she was strong enough to protect him.
A few months later she woke up in her bed bathed in sweat, her body writhed in pain and it wasn't long before her son was born. She wanted nothing more than to hold him, but when his screaming stopped and the midwife screamed for the doctor, Esme felt a dread she had not known. She asked about him over and over and only got excuses.
She knew something was wrong, even if no one wanted to say it. After all, she was his mother, she just felt it.
Two days later, a doctor told her that her son had died. They explained that he had pneumonia and was too weak to survive.
Esme felt numb.
She nodded silently and endured the condolences. As if automatically, she left the hospital and suddenly felt a pain that even Charles could not have caused. It was pure despair and the raw pain of losing a child she was never allowed to get to know.
Esme, though a believer, didn't really care about Church, but at that moment she was certain that God was punishing her for betraying Charles. But what kind of God was that who took an innocent child just because she was too weak to bear her husband.
Why hadn't he killed her instead?
She knew suicide was a sin, but there she was already in hell. She was in her own hell and there was nothing left to comfort her. She had lost everything.
She fled to the outskirts and threw herself off the cliff. In her final human thoughts, she prayed that God would have mercy on her and that she would at least be reunited with her son in heaven, even to just get a glimpse of him. How beautiful he must be.
But when she opened her eyes again, she felt a burning pain in her throat. She remembered thinking she was in heaven when she saw Carlisle. He hadn't aged a day and his kind look was unchanged. Surely someone like him could not be in hell.
She immediately closed her eyes and thought about how much she had changed. What she had experienced and endured after the last time they had seen each other.
Carlisle had given her a second chance, and in time, she realized that she might not have any more biological children, but that didn't mean she wasn't a mother.
It was easy to fall in love with Carlisle, he was everything Charles wasn't.
The stark contrast was hard to compare and Esme was immediately drawn to him and his kindness. He was gentle, good-natured, encouraging, and kind.
Carlisle supported her and without hesitation forgave her mistakes when the human blood was too tempting. He and Edward were her pillars, her pillars on which she could build her new life and soon her original personality returned to her. With incredible patience, the men lured the 16 year old, courageous and funny girl out of her.
She quickly realized that she wasn't the only one who needed Carlisle.
Carlisle needed them too. Edward had soon told her that Carlisle had been alone for over 300 years and never even thought about the fact that he could have a romantic relationship. He was so convinced that he had to continue his existence without these feelings that he immediately dismissed or even ignored any interest from a female in him.
It took a long time to convince him that he too deserved love.
A very long time.
And in the end, Esme was exactly what he needed and he was what she needed. They were there for each other and both filled empty holes in each other's heart.
Esme genuinely loved him, a teenager's crush turned into love, and when she noticed the young she-wolf had his attention, her petrified heart broke.
In more than 80 years of marriage, Carlisle had never, not once, shown a romantic or physical interest in another woman. Never. Not only wasn't it his style, she was sure that he did not thought about it.
She never doubted his loyalty and his feelings.
But when he got home from Billy Black's house, there was something in his gaze that she couldn't read. For help, she looked at Edward, who avoided her gaze.
She might have guessed it then, but honestly she had to admit that she hadn't thought of it at all. The thought was so absurd that the possibility never even occurred to her.
Even if Leah had imprinted on him, she had no reason to believe that Carlisle could be anything other than faithful to her, as he always had been.
But the signs intensified and Esme was confronted with the fact that their time together had an expiration date.
She tried to talk to him several times, but he blocked her.
With a smile that didn't reach his honey-colored eyes, he dismissed everything and reassured himself more than her that everything was fine.
There were already lavender-colored circles under his eyes and he spent most of his time at work. She could see how he was struggling. How the guilty conscience flowed in every touch and her heart ached.
But Carlisle could also be terribly stubborn.
Esme decided to give him the time until he would face the matter.
But that didn't happen in the first place.
Before long Alice had different visions, Carlisle kept appearing and disappearing. Maybe the others knew what it meant, or maybe only Esme and Edward were aware of the true meaning of the visions. Eventually the situation escalated and when he disappeared she confronted Edward. Her son squeezed his eyes together, contorted with pain, and confessed to her what her heart had already long known.
Even if it hurt, she felt no anger. She loved Carlisle and wanted him to be happy and knew him well enough to know that he would deny himself any happiness if he thought it was wrong.
So she called him.
His voice hit her deep inside and she almost felt his pain. She reassured him as best she could that it was okay and hoped he would think of himself for the first time in his life.
Looking back, it was probably much less of a surprise. Carlisle was nothing but caring and loving towards her, but when she saw Emmett and Rosalie together, the difference was hard to miss.
Even now, one look Carlisle Leah gave was enough to corroborate the fact that he and Esme were never meant to be.
While he had always treated her with the greatest respect, always mindful of her limits and feelings, never being too demanding, he looked at Leah with a look that was foreign for Esme.
While Carlisle was the epitome of self-control, for the first time since she had known him, something unfamiliar crept into his eyes. Something feral, raw and wild. Something that couldn't be controlled and she knew that even Dr. Carlisle Cullen could not come up against it.
She hadn't lied when she said she'd be happy for him.
Even now, when the disaster seemed to refuse to let her family out of its clutches, she was more than happy for him. She didn't know anyone who deserved it more and even a blind man could see how happy Leah made Carlisle.
But beneath all the joy there was still the pain of a broken heart. Of a broken dream. Of a vision of their future together.
Just because they might not be soul mates didn't mean their relationship and feelings were void. It hurt, but Esme couldn't regret her relationship with Carlisle.
He was what she needed back then and she liked to convince herself that she, too, had helped him to escape from his loneliness.
Or at least she hoped so.