Disclaimer: First Chapter
Story Start!

*Lick, lick, lick, sluuuuuuuurp, chew chew, borderline sex noises, swallow, sluuuurp, gulp*

"Ooooooh... this is what eating feels like... I've forgotten how awesome food is!" Naruto did the first thing any sane person would do after not having the joy of eating for millions or billions of years. He asked the nearest people if they would feed him, and he started to go all out and eat absolutely everything that put in front of him.

"I like him."

Sirzechs wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders, he knew it when he saw the statue for the first time, that he and Naruto would get along just fine. He was surprised when his parents called him over for an emergency, and he was shocked to see that the statue that he and Ajuka got years ago turned out to be a real person.

Also, fuck, the prophecy was real, which meant this boy would bring peace or destruction, unless that was a pure coincidence that the old hag from long ago had predicted he would have a sister that would unseal this guy.

"I like you too, guy who is feeding me food... let me tell you something, you remind me of my Dad... if I had ever met the guy, and he looked like you, and wasn't... you don't remind me of my Dad at all, because I've never met the guy... you remind me of other people's Dads is what I meant to say." Naruto bumped fists with Sirzechs, and there was NO awkwardness between them at all. Naruto was just overjoyed to be able to talk to people again.

He didn't care they weren't human, they looked human enough and these people were kind enough that he enjoyed their company.

"Thanks, it helps that I AM a Dad."

"Dude, nice, that means you got laid... so your wife a real beauty?" Naruto asked as he leaned forward between bites, more than happy to hear all of the gossip that the man had to tell him. He just wanted to keep the conversation going, he wanted to talk and talk until somebody threw him out of the room.

He had SO much to say!

"The best!"

"NICE!" Naruto fist bumped with Sirzechs again, and the two men started to chuckle amongst themselves as everyone else in the dining hall looked at them.

*Throat Clearing Noises*

"As great as it is to see that you're enjoying yourself Lord Zaza-"

"Naruto Uzumaki is my name, and you can skip the formalities. I'm just a 16 year old dude, not some ancient deity or whatever." Naruto could barely believe that this entire civilization had been passing around his statue for hundreds of years, treating him like some kind of demon god. "I'm just a boy from..."

...

He forgot where he was from.

"From?"

"... Eheheheheh! Guess I don't remember that, it's been a really long time..." Naruto's smile was genuine and fake at the same time. It was a genuine smile, but the care free emotion behind it could not be more fake. It was clear to the demons in the room that Naruto forgetting where he came from was something that greatly bothered him. "... Anyway, thanks for the food."

Lord Gremory nodded.

"It is no problem, and you may be human, but the fact remains that our people have worshipped you for years now. Your face does command a certain level of respect." Lord Gremory spoke, his wife nodding her head next to him.

Naruto scratched the back of his head.

"I'm... just a ninja, that's all. I'm not some demon or god, or demon god for that matter. I'm really thankful that you guys are so nice to me, but please don't be so respectful... it's really kind of annoying, right Kurama?" Naruto asked as he turned his head to his right.

...

Right, not only was he not in his seal anymore, but Kurama was still dead and thus not inside of him. The way he talked to himself for thousands of years was over now that he had real people to talk to, and not just his imagination.

"Ku-"

"Don't worry about it." Naruto instantly changed the subject. "So, lets be frank then, you're Rias, you're Lord and Lady Gremory, and you're my new bro Sirzechs. I like you folks, and three of you have really awesome red hair... so I will grant you three wishes." Naruto held up three fingers.

Everyone's eyes widened.

Naruto burped.

"Just kidding, I'm not able to do that... and honestly, I'm a little distracted by how pretty this girl is right now... my first time seeing a girl in... well it feels like forever." Naruto gestured to Rias. He would like her to leave the room if they were going to be talking about anything. She was getting him flustered whenever he looked at her.

Rias smiled.

"Thank you for being flustered, it's nice to know you find me attractive."

"Attractive, you're a smoking hot babe. If I had a mother, I bet my ass she would approve of you for sure... total 10... right?" Naruto asked Sirzechs as he pointed at Rias. The girl's brother nodded his head in approval.

"A real catch, you should ask her out."

"I know I should, hey Rias, you want to go out on a date... go get something to eat or... what do people do for dates in this time period... do you have movies... are movies a thing again?" Naruto asked as he looked around, panicked for a second. "Oooooh... it's going to suck... indoor plumbing, construction machines, radios, TVs... do those things exist again after humanity came back?" Naruto asked as he looked around.

"Yes... those things exist... humanity came back?"

"Well, since... I think it was either the moon, or something really powerful, hit Earth a long time ago and wiped out my humanity, and then the dinosaurs... or dinosaur things... either way, this is humanities second go around. I would love to see what these New Humans have invented since they seem so weak." Naruto had sensed so many humans, and none of them had the same chakra that his people had once had. Some of them had something special about them, but it was the rare few who possessed those rare traits that he could sense.

Where HIS humans ALL had chakra and could learn to be powerful.

...

It was kind of shocking to say the least to hear that humanity had once been wiped out, and all of them never even knew the history of the world enough to know about it. It was also even more shocking since that would imply to all of them that Naruto wasn't JUST older than recorded history. He was older than anything that could have even begun to record his history, and had survived not only humanity being wiped out, but also the dinosaurs being wiped out.

He was older than old.

"Guess I should call you my Big Brother then."

"Sir-chan, I'm just 16... doesn't matter how old my stone statue body was when I spent what felt like eternity alone... with a big fox, and an annoying crow... and then just the crow... just the crow that pecked me sometimes and flew off... suffice to say I'm no different than any other 16 year old." Naruto waved his hand at the statement.

"With mental trauma."

"Tons, now THAT I have tons of... I bet you that I might actually have nightmares for a long time about being alone. I'm joking about this, but on the inside I'm dying from a crippling fear of loneliness."

"Wow, you are very... open about this kind of stuff." Lord Gremory actually felt awkward now. He looked and saw his wife and his daughter were showing that they felt a lot of pity for the man in front of them. Actually, he was feeling it as well. "... Are you sure you feel... comfortable talking about this with all of us?" Lord Gremory didn't want Naruto to feel bad, or force him to go through it all again.

Naruto smiled at them.

"Sorry, I'm a motormouth, once I start talking, I just don't stop ya know. I've been alone so long, that I just say everything that comes to mind... my filter is broken right now... I'll try and control myself, so just... don't kick me out of your nice house... okay?" Naruto put his hands together in apology. He needed a place to stay, and these people seemed super nice to him.

Rias stood up and walked over to Naruto.

She hugged him.

She tried to hug him, but Naruto dodged her hug with burning red cheeks.

"Naruto?"

"Listen! Give me some time before you try that, are you TRYING to give me a heart attack!? If you hug me, things are going to get super weird... for me. I'll get a nosebleed or something, I just KNOW that if you touch me, and you do that stuff where girls smell really nice, and are super soft..." Naruto took some calming breaths and jumped off of the ceiling.

By the way, when Naruto jumped to dodge her he jumped to the ceiling.

"That is cool, how did you do that ceiling thing?" Sirzechs wanted to get to know Naruto more, and Naruto turned away from Rias.

"It's called... something walking... I can do that with my chakra, just like how I can... make... copies of myself... and make really small or big spinning balls... I haven't had to do this in so long... I can remember my techniques... vaguely... and I think I know how to do them... it's been so long with no practice... I guess that something walking is second nature to me." Naruto felt that some of his abilities would come naturally.

Senjutsu for sure.

He just spent the last forever trapped in stone thanks to Senjutsu, there was no way he would ever forget the training he went through that gave him THAT ability that trapped him for so long.

"So who sealed you away in stone... do you remember... that bad?" Lady Gremory asked as she tried to steer the conversation in a better direction.

Naruto was sealed in stone for a reason.

"Me."

"Huh?"

"Me... I'm the dumbass that got myself sealed... well... it wasn't me but it was the Tailed Beast demon fox guy that lived in my belly... but he's dead now... BUT it was one of my own powers that sealed me away." Naruto sent a super depressed look to the ceiling for a brief moment, before he was all sunshine and rainbows. He sent Lady Gremory a thumbs up, before he actually turned to Rias. "By the way Rias, what were you doing when I was unsealed?" Naruto asked Rias.

She blushed a little, before she stood up and proudly puffed her chest out, looking towards her parents so that they could know exactly what she did.

"I gave you true love's first kiss, and it broke your curse!"

"... That's so romantic." Sirzechs whispered as he put both of his hands up to his mouth, extremely happy that his sister had been the one to break the curse with a kiss. He looked at his parents, who were gazing at each other awkwardly, as if they were coming face to face with a very bad issue.

Rias' engagement.

Rias broke Naruto's curse with a kiss, true love's kiss, and their culture practically worshipped Naruto as their demon god. If RIAS was the one to awaken Naruto with a kiss, then Rias being married to another man by force would anger a lot of people. He was sure that it would piss off a lot of people if the true love of the demon god that many people revered so much was to be married off.

"Wait... that seems... off..." Naruto put a hand to his chin in thought, before he turned bright red when he registered what Rias had just said. "You kissed me!?" Naruto shouted as he jumped out of the chair he was in.

Rias nodded her head.

"Yes, it was my kiss that broke your curse... so I would LOVE to go on a date with you!" Rias declared with a sparkle in her eye, and she gazed at her parents. As if to dare them to say something to oppose what she was asking of Naruto. "... of course, I do have to go back to school soon, vacation is almost over." Rias had to go back to her school, and wouldn't have a ton of time to date while on vacation.

Sirzechs wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders.

"Oh, you are going to love Kuoh, it's a very nice town, and they have an amazing mall. You've been away from humans for a long time, so if you and Rias are going-"

Naruto pointed a finger at Rias.

"You want to date me?"

"Yes."

"You... actually want to date me?" Naruto asked as he pointed at Rias, and then himself. He could vaguely remember a time when he would constantly ask some girl he couldn't remember that well out. Yet, he always got punished for some reason, he could remember getting his feelings hurt a lot. "Me... you are actually saying yes to me asking YOU out?" Naruto had to admit that he was VERY shocked that this babe was agreeing.

He had asked her out, thinking that she would say no and beat him up for it. He had thought that would be the normal response to him asking a girl out.

Rias seemed amused.

"Of course I'm saying yes, because I want to try dating you. You're just my type of man after all, you seem like a man who would follow me to Hell and back... you're also very cute, your whisker marks are adorable, and they make your muscular body seem very fox-like." Rias had no problems putting out the praise.

She was making her parents feel more and more awkward as they were forced to come to terms with some very uncomfortable truths of the matter.

"Yeah, that is the confusing part... usually when I ask a girl out on a date, I get insulted... or beat up... or get thrown off a bridge... a punched thousands of meters away... or slammed into the ground... why is it that I can remember the super painful moments of my life?" Naruto asked Sirzechs as he turned and faced the man.

"It's very easy to remember the things that hurt us."

"Makes sense to me, but it's still hard for me to imagine a girl as hot as your sister actually saying yes to a date with me. Does she even understand what she looks like, and she's super nice... and she's got beautiful red hair... It's surprising she would say yes to me, I bet she gets asked out all the time." Naruto was talking about Rias right in front of her. Naruto realized how rude he was being though and turned to face Rias with an awkward smile. "... but if you're being serious-"

"I am being serious."

"-then sure, I would love to go on a date with you... and..." Naruto's eyes twitched for a few moments as he tried to remember something important.

"Lord Naruto?"

"... Thank you Rias, thank you for breaking my curse." Naruto walked towards Rias and hugged her.

[False: Naruto is an idiot and forgot he broke himself free, that is a big misunderstanding, he's a mentally broken man from years of solitude]

"He passed out." Sirzechs saw that Naruto had passed out with a burning red face, because apparently he wasn't lying about having no resistance to women at the moment. He must have gotten a smell of Rias and her shampoo, and felt her ample chest against his body. "He actually passed out, guess he's going to have to get used to women again... take care of my new little brother Rias!" Sirzechs just went with the flow and nodded to his sister.

She nodded back to him.

"He's suffered for so long, I'll take care of my boyfriend." Rias was SO happy that she had a boyfriend.

He was her true love, so she KNEW that things were going to go great once they got to know each other. It was true love's kiss that broke his curse, so there was NO way she would reject going on a date with him. She met her once in a lifetime true love, a man that was so pure hearted and good that he radiated like the damn sun, only brighter.

"You're planning on using him to break your engagement."

Rias gasped in shock.

"I am NOT using him! This man is my true love, and he's the statue that our people have worshipped. Surely you can see that me being with my true love is too important to even entertain the idea of me being married... and if you're worried about pure-blooded grandchildren... you still have my nephew." Rias reminded them that the entire purpose of the marraige was to create a pure blooded grandchild.

Which they already had.

"That sounds like you're using him."

"My desire to be with my true love is genuine, how else would my kiss have broken him free?" Rias asked as she accidentally let go of Naruto, and he woke himself up before he hit the table.

"I'm up!"

Sirzechs pushed Naruto's head and forced him between Rias' boobs.

Naruto was out.

"He's out again, this is both heart breaking and hilarious... treat him well sister." Sirzechs really wanted this young man to recover. "Actually... I think he should go see a therapist... can we hire a professional therapist to help Naruto?" Sirzechs asked everyone in the room a question that should have a very obvious answer.

"Yes."

"Of course."

"That seems obvious."

Everyone agreed with the idea.

Chapter End!
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