Synopsis: Vader keeps Padme in his room away from Sidious and the rest of the Empire. They bond, and despite Sabe not being Padme to Vader, he protects her regardless. Sidious makes amends with Vader, although providing him some unsavory information about the handmaiden. Vader is tortured by visions of that information similar to his visions about Padme's death. Vader struggles with the morality of keeping her a hostage, and is torn about what to do with her. Sidious implements his plans for executing Padme and staging her suicide.
TW: Suicide & hanging.
Padme didn't remember how she got to this room, but she knew it belonged to the Sith Lord, and that he- or worse, Sidious- would be arriving soon. Padme was so overwhelmed she thought she'd pass out. She didn't know whether to run, or stay, or confront Vader about his true identity.
Anakin is behind that mask. My husband.
"Ani… My poor Ani…" she whispered quietly, weeping into her hands. Even though Padme knew the man was truly her husband, and that she had hope for him turning back to the light, she also knew that the man she had fallen in love with was different from the one in the cloak. He had murdered, enslaved the galaxy, and no longer bridled his hatred or rage with shame or regret .
Do I tell him who I really am?
The last time she tried to turn him back to the light, he had nearly strangled her to death. It had been months since she'd last seen him. What kind of person is he now? she thought. I can't confront him, I can't tell him who I am yet, not now, she reasoned. Padme knew he would not turn from the dark side even if he knew she was alive. I need him to see Sidious for what he is. I must guide him back. I must save him.
That was, if he were even alive. Padme waited anxiously; for all she knew Sidious could have killed Anakin by now. Luckily for her, she did not have to wait long. Heavy footsteps stormed through the halls, the raspy robotic voice sending a wave of joy through her. Despite her happiness, she could see the rage pouring off Vader's shaking body. He slammed the door behind him, locking it tight. Padme was on edge, waiting to see what he would do next.
"Y… You're alive," she whispered, her voice trembling.
"Are you hurt?" Vader asked, his voice slightly panicked. Padme shook her head slowly, although her body hurt with every movement. The lightning had sent electric shocks throughout her muscles, which ached terribly. Despite the pain, she could only think of Anakin.
"N-no, I'm fine," she stuttered. He said nothing, instead sitting on a chair in the corner of the room.
"You are Anakin Skywalker. You are Padme's husband," she stated matter-of-factly. Vader sighed sadly, bowing his head.
"I was, before she died..." he rasped. I'm not dead, she wanted to scream. Instead, Padme stood and walked towards him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. Vader flinched, but did not pull away from her touch.
"Her last words were 'there's good in him', did you know that? I can see it in you… You're not a murdering Sith Lord-"
"Stop," he snapped.
"You're not. Padme wouldn't have wanted this for you-"
"I did this for Padme!" Vader snarled, ripping away from her touch. Padme's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"What?"
"All of it, everything, everything I've ever done was for Padme! I murdered younglings, I murdered all the Jedi, I gave everything of myself to Sidious to save her, and even in the end I couldn't. I killed her," he snarled heartbrokenly. She knew behind the mask that tears stained his face, she knew beneath his cloaks his heart was breaking, but only the mask looked back at her expressionlessly. Padme was still confused, her heart slowly breaking at his pain.
"Save her?" Padme asked meekly.
"I foresaw her death… My master told me he could help me save her when the time came, but… I choked her, like some kind of monster… I killed her, I thought I killed my child…" Vader trailed off, only the sound of his tortured breathing remaining in the room. He lied to you, Anakin! You never killed me. I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive! she wanted to scream.
"Your master is evil! He never cared about you, or Padme, or your children, or the galaxy! He never wanted to make things better, and you know this. You have to!" she argued.
"The Jedi were no better," he snarled. "They had no love for me. I am the most powerful man in the galaxy, and they cast me aside like a yearling padawan- they knew I was better than them, and in their jealousy they denied me my right to the rank of master. I'm happy they're dead." Padme's face was full of sorrow. Tentatively, she placed a gentle hand on his mask.
"You're wrong. They were better than Sidious, Anakin. They loved you. Sidious doesn't. Leave him, please… You could restore the Jedi, we could bring down Sidious and bring democracy back to the galaxy. There is good in you… Padme would want you to-"
At this, Vader snatched her hand away with a growl. His fingers clamped down painfully on her wrist, pushing her roughly against the wall of the bedroom. His tall frame towered over her frail, smaller one. Padme let out a frightened yelp while the Sith Lord yelled at her.
"Padme is dead. Anakin is dead, and the reason why Padme died is my fault. I will be the most powerful man in the galaxy. I am weak, but my master will make me more powerful than you could possibly imagine. You'll see. I lost Padme, but I will not lose the twins," he snarled. His ragged breathing blew in her face, his shoulders heaving with every rage-filled breath. This man is very different, Padme noted sadly.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. A tear rolled down her cheek, and Vader quickly realized his vice-like grasp and immediately let go. Her skin was bruised, and for that Vader felt immensely guilty. He turned around, grabbing a pillow and laying on the ground.
"The bed is yours," he muttered. Padme reluctantly crawled into Vader's bed, the black sheets feeling beautifully soft against her skin.
"Are you sure? If you want to sleep beside me, there is plenty of room-"
"I have a wife," he snapped, a bit more angrily than he had intended. Padme flinched, but nodded silently and laid down to sleep alone. I am your wife, Ani, she thought sadly. An awkward tension passed between them despite facing opposite directions. Padme didn't have to be force-sensitive to know the Sith Lord wanted to say something. Meanwhile Vader was frustrated with the feelings the handmaiden stirred inside him. She is not Padme, he reminded himself. Yet her touch, despite only being on his mask and suit, had made his entire body burn. He was frustrated that his only real link to his children lied with her, and that she was refusing to budge- and he could not bring himself to do anything but protect her.
"I only wish… you come to realize what these children mean to me. How vital it is that I find them… I worry for their safety, not knowing if they're alright…" he trailed off sadly.
"They're safe, Anakin," she whispered. "Your son and your daughter are in the safest hands they could be in, and it remains that way so long as Sidious doesn't know. I hope you come to realize that," she replied quietly, gently even. Tears streamed down Vader's masked face. I have a son and a daughter, he thought happily. Still, he was angered that he could not be with them.
"The safest hands to be in are mine," he growled.
"If you turned back to the light, I would have no doubts about that," Padme finished before drifting off to sleep. Vader said nothing, only quietly contemplating his purpose and direction in life throughout the night.
xxx
A few days had passed since Vader and Sidious had fought. He had kept to his room a majority of the time, checking in regularly on the handmaiden who was kept a sort of prisoner inside. It was rare he was not there with her. Not that she was complaining; his room was much nicer than a cell, and being around Anakin made her happy, even if he hardly spoke to her. He brought her various kinds of food and ensured that if there were anything she needed he would provide. Vader reminded himself over and over that she was not Padme, but a selfish part of him was satisfied by caring for her as if she were. He could not bring himself to think of her beyond that, even though part of him wanted to, but even in death he remained loyal to Padme.
Sidious summoned Vader to break their fast together one of the mornings, a sort of peace offering on the surface, but Vader knew he was only probing the situation in regards to the handmaiden. He joined nonetheless, not that he had any option. Sidious was seated at the head of the table, a bountiful feast laid out before them.
"My apprentice, so good of you to join me this morning. Sit, please," Sidious murmured pleasantly. Vader eyed him suspiciously but obeyed. Sidious moved some food to his plate with the Force, placing it gracefully in front of him.
"Thank you, master," he rasped.
"Yes, it's the least I can do after all of this tension between us. I do hope you can forgive me, and see that everything I do I do for the betterment of you and your training," Sidious murmured. Vader nodded, but did not eat anything.
"Yes, master."
"I called upon you this morning, to mend the bridge between us."
"I would like that as well."
"Good," he said cheerfully. Sidious cut into a piece of meat, the awkward silence between them only broken by the scratching of his knife and fork on the plate.
"How is she? Have there been any advancements in the twin's locations?" Sidious asked politely.
"She is doing well. No, she will not speak of it to me," Vader murmured, eventually removing his helmet to eat as well. Sidious eyed his apprentice, Vader's sorrowful eyes gazing down lazily at a piece of toast he picked at unenthusiastically.
"Do you think it wise to keep her in your quarters? I find it hard to believe she is doing well considering she nearly killed herself when she was caught. That changes someone inside, doesn't it?" Sidious asked. At this, Vader's eyes squinted. He looked up at Sidious curiously, dropping his fork.
"What are you talking about, master?" he rasped. His voice was strangled without his mask.
"She didn't tell you?"
Vader shook his head slowly.
"The poor girl held the blaster to her head, didn't you hear? If it wasn't for one of our stormtroopers blasting it out of her hand, she was going to kill herself right there. "I'd rather die than give those children to the Empire" would have been her last words," Sidious murmured. Vader felt sick to his stomach. What little appetite that remained left him abruptly.
"Did she really…?" he breathed sadly. For some reason deep inside him the thought of losing her too drove him mad. The fear of never looking upon his wife's face, even if it wasn't truly hers, bothered him. He knew she would have killed herself because of his selfish imprisonment. I caused this, too, he thought dismally.
"Yes, yes. She may seem like she's doing well, my apprentice, but be wary. It's known that those intending suicide suddenly appear happy once they've decided to go through with it. They know the end of their sufferings are near, and with that knowledge they become… cheerful, you could say," Sidious warned. Vader remained silent, and did so for most of their outing.
"But maybe it's nothing," he added quickly. Sidious talked frivolously about the advancement of the Empire, what planets had been conquered, his hopes for his apprentice- but Vader hardly paid any attention. All he wanted to do was get back to his room. Is she alright now? Did she really try to kill herself? Should I let her go?
"Are you listening, my apprentice?" Sidious asked. Vader snapped his head up out of his contemplation.
"Forgive me, master. I'm feeling ill today."
"That's alright, my boy. Go rest, and thank you for making amends. I would hate for us to be at odds with anything," Sidious replied cheerfully. Vader nodded graciously, then hastily put on his mask and headed quickly through the corridors back to Sabe. Sidious smiled wickedly behind him. Good, let your fears consume you, he thought maliciously. Soon, his plan for the handmaiden would be in effect, and his young apprentice none the wiser.
xxx
Padme had finished tidying up the room. She had been appalled by its state, a state in such disarray her husband never would have left it in: food plates upon the dressers, clothes lying across the floor, unwashed sheets. It was, quite frankly, disgusting- yet her heart broke over it. He's so broken, so depressed, she thought sadly. He had hardly left her alone until this morning, and now that there had been several hours without him, Padme thought it would be a welcome surprise for him when Anakin arrived back. Finally, the door hissed open, and Vader stormed in. He looked around the room for a moment, its makeover distracting him temporarily from his concerns.
"What is this?" he asked.
"I thought this place needed a bit of love. Do you like it?" she said, smiling cheerfully. Behind his mask Vader only frowned. Sidious's words echoed in his ears: they know the end of their sufferings are near, and with that knowledge they become… cheerful, you could say. He didn't buy her charade. This handmaiden was held captive by a Sith Lord who murdered her Queen she was sworn to protect. She had been brutalized by Sidious mere days ago, and had already tried to kill herself. She's putting on a front, he worried.
"Do you not like it?" she asked, slight dismay hinting in her voice.
"It looks nice," he replied curtly. Padme knew he was tense, that something was bothering him deep inside.
"Something's wrong," she stated. Vader sighed, pausing for several seconds.
"You tried to end your life when you were captured, did you not?" he rasped. Padme's face fell. Her eyes welled with tears. She had spent what she thought would be her last moments thinking of the twins in her arms, thinking of Anakin. Padme was thankful now that she had not been successful in her attempt. Still, the twins' safety was paramount to her desires for being with Anakin again.
"Yes. I would rather die-"
"Than give up the location of the twins," Vader finished for her.
"Yes."
"Yet you insist that you will not give their locations to me. I insist that you will remain my prisoner until you disclose that to me," Vader murmured. Padme nodded slowly, unsure of what her husband was trying to say.
"What are you-"
"Nevermind," he snapped suddenly. Padme flinched at his voice. Meanwhile Vader's two opposing desires fought within him, tearing his soul to the bone: if she stays as my prisoner, she will end her life to protect the twins. He could not allow that. But if I return her to Naboo, I will never see my children again. He couldn't allow that either.
"You don't have to be rude to me for no reason. I don't even know what you're trying to say," she snapped irritably.
"You're not happy here." Vader stated. Padme's face fell. A few days ago, she would have hastily said "No!"- but now, she wasn't sure. Her husband slept safely beside her, protecting her fiercely from his master. Over everything, she wanted him back- and the twins. She wanted to guide him back to the light, but Padme wasn't confident her love would overshadow the hatred in his soul.
"I don't know," she murmured.
"And there will be no resolution between us in regards to the twins? Under no circumstance will you give them up to me?"
"No," she murmured sadly. Only if you would turn, she thought hopefully.
"Then there is no purpose in your being here," Vader rasped painfully. Padme's heart was breaking. He's not going to let me go, is he? she thought. Padme didn't know whether to be relieved or horrified at having to willingly leave her husband, even if he was a murdering Sith Lord.
"You're planning on killing yourself if you stay here," he snapped suddenly. Padme was surprised at the accusation.
"N-no!"
"Do not lie to me," he growled.
"I'm not, I'm not! I have a purpose here. I know you won't harm me, and only if Sidious tried to find where the twins are would I do such a thing- but I know you wouldn't let him hurt me," she insisted. Vader eyed her suspiciously, quietly skeptical of the handmaiden's convincing.
"What is your purpose here?" he questioned.
"If you would turn back to the light, if you could put an end to Sidious-"
"Stop."
"You could-"
"No," he snarled firmly. Padme sighed, and a dismal chasm of silence separated them and their desires for one another.
"I… must find my son and daughter. I must… but I would not be able to bear it if you were harmed in the process. If this imprisonment is too much for you…" he trailed off.
"You would let me go?"
"I don't know… I don't see any benefit in keeping you imprisoned," he answered honestly. Except in my own selfish weakness, he thought self-loathingly. Padme nodded, tentatively approaching the Sith Lord. She wrapped her arms around his cloaks, hugging him tightly. He feels like Ani, she thought happily, tears welling in her eyes. He smells like Ani. Vader stood in shock, his arms rigid against his sides.
"You will do the right thing. I have faith in you. You're not a bad person, Anakin," she murmured. Vader swallowed hard to keep his own tears restrained. This is wrong, I shouldn't let her touch me like this, I shouldn't let her make me feel these things, she's not Padme! he screamed at himself inside. Yet he did not pull away for several seconds, letting her gentle kindness relieve what suffering tormented his heart, what little relief it was. He missed the touch of another person, Padme most of all. But she's not Padme, he reminded himself firmly. Vader gently pulled her arms off of him, stepping backwards from the overwhelming emotion the handmaiden wrung from him.
"I'm sorry," Vader choked robotically. Padme smiled quickly, then bowed her head.
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't touch you like that," she murmured. Vader exhaled every ounce of air in his lungs.
"You're kind. Thank you," he rasped. Padme only smiled as a reply, and between them the room remained peacefully silent for the remainder of the day. She wanted to touch him more, and secretly, a part of Vader did too, but both refrained. Padme found it sweetly sad that even believing that she was dead, Anakin still remained faithful to her- even in front of a woman who looked just like her.
I am me, she wanted to tell him. Padme wanted nothing more than to hold him again, to tear off his mask and cloak and feel his touch, his lips, to feel him inside her again. I love you so much, Ani, she thought. You deserve love. You never deserved any of this. No matter what, Padme vowed to return him to the light, and reunite with their children. I'll stay. I won't give up on you.
xxx
Vader awoke with a jolt in the middle of the night. Something distubed him suddenly, although he did not know what. The room was dark, and in a moment of disoriented grogginess he forgot where he was, and what had led him there. Why am I on the floor? he thought confusedly. He staggered up to the bed, then jolted backwards as the figure of a woman stood eerily on it.
"Padme?" he asked. The figure said nothing in reply, only standing there. His eyes focused. The accents of his room on the Mustafar base came into view, the memories of all that had happened crashing down on him again painfully. Ah, I'm in my room with Sabe, he remembered dismally. Why is my mask off? Why do I have my legs again? And my hair? he questioned. Sabe still stood silently, her back facing him as she stared at the far wall away from him.
"Sabe? What are you doing?" he rasped confusedly. Still she said nothing. Now Anakin was concerned, standing up quickly. He stood on the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder, fixing to turn her around to face him.
"Sabe, are you alright-" he started, but instead interrupted himself with an ear-piercing scream. Her body turned easily, suspended just barely in the air. Anakin failed to notice the noose wrapped tight around her neck, holding her barely above the bed. Her eyes were rolled back into her head, her skin was cold, her beautiful face distorted into a dark purple bruise of pooled blood.
"No, no!" Anakin screamed. He tried to run, but the more he did, the closer Sabe's body got to him.
"Why did you kill me?" she asked.
"No, I didn't mean to!" Anakin screamed. Now, Padme's voice came out of her dead mouth instead of Sabe's.
"You killed me, Ani," she cried.
"No! Noooooo!"
xxx
"No!" Vader gasped as he awoke in a panic. Cold sweat coated his body. His hair stood up on his neck. Sabe, he thought quickly. Frantically Vader stood up by the bedside, expectant to see her dangling corpse. To his relieved surprise, she was sound asleep. He was grateful his screams did not wake her. Padme always was a heavy sleeper, he noted. His heart was still pounding, but slowed with every second. Yet he still felt uneasy.
Premonitions had taunted him when Padme was alive: her strangled screams as she gave birth, her last breath, her crying out his name in her last moments. Now, he was tormented by similar premonitions of Sabe. He knew she was not truly happy here, how could she be? With him? The man who murdered her former queen? He also knew she would die to protect the twins. He didn't fully trust his new master either when it came to the handmaiden, or his twins. Perhaps she is better off back in Naboo, Vader thought reluctantly. Perhaps it's better if I never see my children. What kind of children could love a father who killed their mother? Perhaps they're safer somewhere hidden in the galaxy.
Sadness and conflict overwhelmed Vader, feelings that were not foreign to him. Vader looked up at the beam above his bedside. It bothered him enough to quietly dispatch his saber, slicing the beam out and carefully letting it fall to the floor without making a sound. For preventative measures, he thought to himself. He placed a hesitant hand on her naked shoulder. The handmaiden mumbled something unintelligibly in her sleep, breathing contentedly in her unconsciousness.
"I'm sorry I've brought you such suffering," Vader whispered. He removed his hand and sighed, turning his back to the room and heading out. He needed some fresh air to think. If he let her go back to Naboo, she would be safe. His twins would be safe. But they would not be with me, a voice inside him protested. Another voice, one much softer and kinder than his, argued back: You will do the right thing. I have faith in you. You're not a bad person, Anakin.
Vader growled frustratedly as he walked down the halls and onto a faraway balcony. He watched the stars above Mustafar, the sky illuminated by the bright molten lava roaring softly down below him. If he didn't have so much resentment for the planet that took his body from him, Vader would have thought it to be beautiful.
He knew what he had to do. He knew what his soul could bear, and despite every fiber within himself protesting in favor of his children being reunited, Vader knew the handmaiden would not give them up. He knew her life was in danger by staying, and that she was being kept unjustly and ineffectively in his quarters. She did not deserve this anymore.
You could turn back, a smaller voice whispered to him. Vader shook his head angrily, letting his anger and rage overcome him as his master had taught.
"I can't turn back now. I've done unforgivable things, things I cannot make right now…" he murmured aloud into the night. Only the low howl of molten rock replied to him. He hated himself, but even so Vader knew he could not bear to make the decision of keeping her there. He would return her to Naboo as soon as he could. As for the twins, it pained him too much to think about never seeing them. I would not see them anyways even if I kept her here, he reasoned depressedly. There was no point in keeping Sabe hostage other than for his own selfish reasons, a proxy for his deceased wife.
Something still unnerved him. He knew this was the right decision, yet something suddenly made his skin crawl. Something's wrong, he noted. Very wrong. What is it? Vader racked his mind for some unturned stone, but could think of none. He sighed, trying in vain to push the discomfort from his mind, settling on his final decision. He spent several minutes meditating in hopes of soothing this alarm within him to no avail. It began to frustrate him.
I've got to get some sleep is all, he muttered internally. Vader turned back towards his quarters after his failed attempt to meditate, although grateful he had taken the time to think critically about his decision. As he drew nearer and nearer to the room, he sensed the wrongdoing growing worse. There is a disturbance in the Force, Vader thought. He quickened his pace through the halls, the sense of dread growing cancerously throughout his soul. Something's wrong with Sabe, he panicked, quickening his steps to a full sprint.
xxx
Padme had in fact woken to her husband's night terror long before he himself had. A part of her thought of comforting him, consoling him back into sleep- but she refrained out of fearful curiosity. She had heard both her name as well as Sabe's. Something is troubling him about me, she thought. When Vader finally awoke, she quickly closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. To her surprise, the Sith Lord placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, whispering his apology in secret.
There is good in you. I know you will turn back, Padme thought. She had regretted not comforting him then as he left the room. About a minute had passed before she heard the door hiss open. Padme sat up in the dark and turned to greet him.
"Are you alright, Anakin?" she asked, but to her shock it was not her masked husband who stood in the doorway. Several stormtroopers dressed in black stepped in, closing the door with a hiss and locking it. Two began soldering the two hatches together, making any escape of hers impossible.
"Try anything and we'll execute you," the captain whispered. This is bad, very bad, Padme thought. Her heart pounded, and reluctantly she knew what she had to do. I will not give the twins up, she resolved. Padme flung herself at the captain, fully expecting them to blast her, but instead three of the men grabbed her and pinned her flailing body down.
"Shoot me, you monsters!" Padme screamed at them.
"Stop screaming," the captain ordered. Padme spit at his face. He wiped it off with annoyance before striking her face hard. Padme yelped, her eye badly blackened and blood trickling out her nose.
"You said you'd execute me. You lied," she gritted.
"Oh, we will, don't you worry, Queen Amidala. Those are our orders. But first you're going to tell us where your twins are, do you understand?" the stormtrooper murmured viciously. Padme's eyes widened in horror. Ani, please help me, she begged emptily to herself.
"I'll tell you nothing," she spat.
"We'll see about that when we're done with you."