Eren and Jean broke apart, panting.
"Jesus, Eren! You need to rub one out dude. You were tickling my tonsils."
Eren shrugged. "You want another beer?"
Jean ran his fingers through his sandy hair. "Sure."
Eren clambered off of their ratty couch and stumbled toward the kitchen.
"You're drunk," Jean said happily.
"Your face is drunk, asshole." Eren clattered around in the fridge and brought two cold ones. He collapsed back onto the couch next to Jean. They drank for a moment.
"You wanna go again?"
Eren shrugged again. "I dunno … I really am drunk. I don't even have a chubby."
Jean stared owlishly at Eren's crotch. "Whatever."
Eren and Jean were roommates and had been friends since they were kids. Both gay, they'd started experimenting sexually with each other at 15 and had kept up a casual relationship since then.
The door to the apartment suddenly swung open without warning.
"Armin!" Eren said, pushing himself away from Jean. "Knock first, you asshole!"
Armin's blond mop of hair jerked up at the words. "Oh, eww. Are you two doing it again?"
"We have never fucked, Armin, you know that. We just jerk off," Eren said.
"Yeah, right."
"We're both bottoms, Armin We both prefer … receiving," Jean pointed out. A sly grin came over his face. "Marco, on the other hand …"
"God, that's even worse! Do you let him … y'know do you both?"
"Armin!" Eren said, outraged. "Jean's already 'called' Marco! That would be—" Eren belched loudly—"weird."
"Well, you both are weird. You're sitting here jerking each other off for chrissakes."
"Hey!"
"Are not!"
Armin eyeballed Eren sternly. "Did you have your disciplinary meeting today?"
Eren rolled his head back and forth on the back of the couch. "Oh, Jesus, you had to bring that up! Yes, I did. I got off with a warning."
"You're lucky. Remember that next time."
"Yes, Dad!"
Armin rolled his eyes. "Have you both studied for the English exam?"
Eren and Jean locked gazes and laughed in unison.
"It's Friday!"
"Yeah. We have plenty of time."
"Ugh!" Armin threw up his hands. "Why do I even bother?"
After Armin stomped off to his room, Jean got unsteadily up to put more beers in the fridge and Eren's mind wandered. Armin had just had to make him think of his dad again. Fuck.
He mulled over the fight and his dad and how much he pissed Eren off, and about how much he missed his mom. He and his mom were super close and it hurt to not be able to see her every day. He couldn't even tell anyone this as he was afraid he'd be labeled 'pathetic' and 'Momma's boy, (better than 'Daddy's boy' at least!)
Despite having his friends here, he still had an aching hole in his heart. He realized that he was lonely. He was a little envious of Jean having Marco. He wanted someone for himself. He also wanted financial independence from his dad, and to do that he needed to do better with his school work. Eren scrubbed his face with both hands. Jesus fuck he was just bad at school. And work. He'd been fired from two jobs already and it was only the third quarter of his first year. He sighed.
"What are you sighing about?" Jean asked, walking back to the couch. He grabbed up the remote and looked questioningly at Eren.
Eren scootched down into the couch and crossed both arms over his chest. "Nothing."
Later that week, Eren walked into the apartment after his shift and shucked off his shoes and coat by the door. He was glad to be home finally. He headed toward the kitchenette and spotted Jean, who was on the couch.
Something was wrong.
Jean was slumped down on the couch, no gaming controller, no TV on, just sitting. He had a bottle of beer in his hand and the coffee table was littered with them. Maybe six or eight.
"Hey, you OK, Bro?"
Jean turned his face towards him. His eyes were rimmed in red.
"Oh, fuck, Jean. What's happened?"
Jean took a long swig from his beer. "It's over!" he announced.
"What's over?"
"Me and Marco."
"Oh, shit, man. I'm sorry. What's going on?"
"He's just working all the time and going to fucking Sina University all the fucking time. No time for me!"
Eren thought about his answer. Marco Bodt was a guy their age, sweet, mild-mannered, and totally head over heels for Jean. He and Jean had been tentatively exploring maybe having a relationship for months. Marco was from Trost but his family lived there in Shiganshina so he came down on the week-ends to stay with them. He was also a poor kid who got into Sina on an academic scholarship and was working full time to make ends meet. It was a tricky topic. Eren had to tread carefully.
"Well, Marco has to work …"
"I have to work too!" Jean said.
Eren spread his hands. "Be reasonable Jean. He has to work plus he has to study hard to keep his scholarship."
Jean sat up abruptly. "I study hard, too!"
Eren knew this was a lie. He didn't study hard either. "True. You do, but you don't have to meet those standards. He's working hard, Jean. You both are. You have to compromise."
Eren was shocked at himself. Stunned that he could come up with something so sympathetic and soothing. It kind of made him proud of himself.
Jean sniffled and finished his beer.
"Here, I'll join you. Maybe we can watch Neon Genesis Evangelion, OK?
Eren snagged four beers, two for him, two for Jean and sat on the couch, taking up the Roku remote.
The evening went better than Eren could have hoped. Jean had calmed down and gotten more animated with each additional beer. Eren was tipsy as well.
Jean leaned drunkenly over to Eren's side of the couch. "You wanna make out?"
Eren hesitated, uncomfortable. "I dunno, dude …"
"Aww, come on. I'm horny as fuck."
Jean pawed lightly at his arm and Eren suddenly stood up. Jean blinked. "Whatsa matter, dude?"
"You want another beer?"
Jean stared owlishly at his half-finished bottle on the coffee table. "I guess."
Eren walked quickly to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He stood in the light of the open door and ran his fingers through his hair. What the fuck? What was this feeling? It couldn't be guilt. Marco knew about him and Jean, but supposedly Marco was out of the picture now, anyway. He and Jean had never actually dated or even slept together.
What was it?
He slowly leaned into the fridge and grabbed two beers, popping the tops off. He couldn't shake his feeling of unease.
Suddenly it came to him. Jean was one of his two best friends, he loved him more than the world and would absolutely take a bullet for him. But he wasn't attracted to him. They made out because they were both horny and trusted one another but Eren wanted more. He wanted more. He wanted someone of his own.
Irritated with himself, he looked fruitlessly around for something to do. He didn't want to go back to the couch. Fuck it. He'd walk down to the convenience store. Maybe he could scrape together enough loose change to buy himself a couple of hot dogs.