It broke her to leave him.
To see his tiny body, which had grown inside of her these past months, lying so still and calm in her arms. At only a day old it was almost too much to bear as she traced a finger down the pointed ears of her child, over his slanted brows and down his button nose; her own features reflecting back at her.
She pulls his blanket higher up, tucking it beneath his chin as she places a lingering kiss on his forehead. She blinks furiously to dispel the onslaught of tears which threatens her resolve, digging deep into her Romulan roots she clings desperately onto what is left of her pride and dignity.
She has no other option. Logic dictates that this is the only course of action she can take to ensure that her child may live.
Her heart clenches and skips a beat when the bundle in her arms stirs, a small mewl escaping his pink mouth as he settles deeper into the blanket. She holds him closer to her chest hoping the sound of her heart beat and the warmth of her body will keep him calm and quiet.
The docks are empty at this late hour, nothing but the cargo swaying in the breeze from long fraying ropes, the smell of oil and rusted metal strong in the air as she cautiously approaches the ship she has selected for this final act of motherhood.
The ship is a pirate vessel, the brands scorched into the side a clear indicator of their nefarious deeds and status amongst the other vessels who docked here to carry out their business. The leader was infamous for his antics and was widely used amongst the high class of her kind when official channels were not adequate.
She has taken the time to investigate the leader R'faan; his brutality towards his enemies, his wisdom in battle and his cunning and charm when dealing with politicians to be equally as commendable as it was worrisome.
And yet…
It was his hidden compassion for the lost and the lonely that ultimately led her to choosing him amongst all others to ferry away this precious cargo of hers.
She had seen how he raised the young ones he had gathered into his fold from scrawny weaklings into loyal warriors of note. He was stern and perhaps cruel to a point and her child would by no means live a life of love and luxury but he would be looked after and learn to survive.
If his true identity were to be discovered he would surely be killed.
Upon reaching the crates due to be loaded within the next two hours, she cradles her unwanted yet desperately wanted infant son to her chest for a brief moment, saying a short prayer in her native tongue before placing him amongst the grass embedded between the ships food rations.
She stares down at his tiny elfin face, each line and crease being burned to her memory, before turning on her heel and walking away.
She cannot look back. She must not look back for fear that she will scoop her child back into her arms and flee along with him.
A sharp shrill cry pierces the nights silence and she clutches her head as she feels her familial bond begin to splinter and writhe in agony.
The child's mind grabs frantically at hers – before she slams her shields down and blocks out his mind with more force than she had intended.
This is for the best she continues to chant as she fights the debilitating pain of a broken bond, her tears now flowing freely as her wide eyes stare off into the distance.
The child has gone quiet and nothing but her own muffled sobs can be heard throughout the silence.
A bastard son of a Princess.
The true heir to the Romulan Empire.
Abandoned and unwanted.
He would be forgotten and never found.
This was all she could hope for.
******************
One year later
**********************
''Sir. Our scanners are picking up a vessel. Mid-size, minimal hull damage - however scans show only a two life forms on board.'' Chekov instructs as his hand fly about the science station, gathering more readings.
''ETA Mr Chekov?'' Captain Kirk asks, his tone bright and cheery, an apple being tossed from one hand to the other as he surveys the viewing screen.
''We should be arriving in 25 minutes Captain. Scans show we should be able to transport over directly into their cargo bay.''
''Very good Mr Chekov. Uhura, Bones, Sulu… you're up.''
He places his uneaten apple down and stretches before turning to face the landing party he has just summoned, ignoring the glare from his CMO, the resigned look on Uhura's face and the lines of apprehension drawn across his pilot's forehead.
''What's with the mood, guys?'' he asks before he can think better of the question.
''Jim, the last time the four of us beamed aboard a supposedly 'damaged' vessel, you ended up in my sickbay for a week with two broken legs and fractured skull!''
''Hey, come on. How was I supposed to know it was an ambush?''
''And don't forget the mission before that where Sulu was exposed to enough laughing gas that his eyeballs nearly exploded out of his head from all his cackling.'' Bones hisses as Sulu visibly shivers at the mention of his experience.
''Once again, I'd like to point out that was still totally not my fault that the button for the lights was next to the button that released the gas in the first place. Damn Tellerite ships are ass backwards.''
The four make their way to the turbo lift bickering with all seriousness and at the same time half-heartedly at their many, many oh my god so many brushes with death - the lift zooming across decks to the transporter room.
''This will be easy. Let's presume the beings on board are hostile for now. Keep your eyes open people. Ah! Chekov just sent across the schematics of the ship. Seems to be a pirate vessel of unknown origins. We'll board her, check her out and be back here in under an hour.'' He smirks at the collective groan that echoes around the room.
''Dammit Jim! If this goes south it'll be cause you opened your damn mouth and cursed the lotta us.'' His southern accent deep and thick as he storms off to take his place on the transporter.
Jim sighs and shakes his head. Superstitious old man. He hops up the step to the pad, standing in front of them all before quickly leaning back and placing a kiss on Uhura's cheek.
''This is gonna be fun, babe.'' He whispers and she rolls her eyes.
''You know I hate it when you call me that while we're on duty.''
''Whatever you say …babe.'' He winks before he turns to stare at the ensign controlling the transporter panel.
''Energise.''
As one would expect from a derelict ship with hull damage, it was dark and smoky - the red beacons across the tops of the walls flashing warnings of danger that had already come to pass.
Sections of the floor had disappeared and only the blue hum of a containment field protecting the contents and persons within from getting sucked out into the vacuum of space.
Kirk and his team stepped over the few corpses lining the floor, Bones anxiously scanning for any sign of life, shaking his head solemnly as he detected none.
The cargo that the ship had been carrying was strewn about the floor; food rations, poorly assembled phasers and other black market paraphernalia rolled gently back and forth over the ships floor as the on-board computer fought to maintain gravity aboard the ship.
''What the hell happened here?'' Uhura whispered to Sulu, who shrugged his shoulders muttering something about how this ship had no real fire power and someone must have wanted what was on it badly enough to risk destroying it.
''Bones, can we tell where those life readings are coming from?'' Jim waves a hand in a circle around him but drops to inspect what looks like a doll made from straw. He places it down gently and a frown creases his mouth as he realises there may be children aboard.
''Another fifty feet or so, Jim. Hang a left and straight on for another ten feet.''
Avoiding the crackling and spurting of electrical wires and short circuiting sockets and lights, the team cautiously make their way forward. Bones and Uhura at the back, Sulu and Kirk up front. All ever watchful as they scanned their surroundings, their past experiences still fresh in their minds.
''Through here, Jim.''
The door hisses open loudly and Kirk flinches at the sound of scraping metal on metal. He can't see what's in the room so he activates his tricorder, hoping to find a panel of some sort on the wall that would get the lights.
Uhura gasps as the lights come on, her hand flying to her mouth as an 'oh my god' of pure horror leaves her mouth accompanied by a gagging sound that quickly saw her retching into the corner of the room.
Six cages of varying sizes. Six bodies all in various stages of decomposition, arms and legs hideously contorted and draped through the bars. The black abyss of their mouths and hollow seeming to suck out all the air as their soundless screams echoed around the room. He could see that at least three of the bodies were those of children. Couldn't be any more than three or four years old.
''Goddammit!'' Jim swears, his fingers coming up to squeeze the bridge of his nose, his eyes shutting as he tries to refocus and orient himself.
The smell has started to make itself known over the smoke filled air and he takes a step towards Uhura, an arm coming over her shoulder. He squeezes lightly once, a look in his eye asking silently if she was up for this. She shakes her head slowly and Kirk is proud that she has the ability to know when she has been emotionally compromised by a mission.
''Mister Sulu. Please step outside with Uhura for the time being, while Bones and I assess the situation.'' He says sternly, his captain's persona shining through, stronger and more confident than he felt but that is what is needed at this time. He watches them leave the room before turning around to face Bones.
''Find out what the fuck happened here, Bones.''
''On it.''
''I thought you said there were life signs?!''
''There were! Or at least there still is!''
Kirk hears a small cough from the corner cage and he spins around so fast he nearly loses his balance in his haste to draw his phaser to face the supposed threat.
Another small cough.
''Bones. There's something alive inside that first cage.''
''Jim... be careful will ya!''
Kirk walks slowly towards the cage, all he can see is the dead body of an adult male. He doesn't want to look any further but he can't resist the urge to look. The cage is locked but a quick dial down on the power settings on his phaser does the trick. He shoots with precision on the joints - the cage popping open with an overly exaggerated screech.
He sees a small amount of movement behind the corpse, hears the minute rustling of cloth and his blue eyes track the movement. Being aware that it could very well be some space critter with poisonous teeth that somehow made it on the ship, he uses his steel plated boots to roll the dead body off the suspicious bundle.
''Jesus Christ!''
His hands dart forward before his brain has even processed what it is that he is doing.
A small black, grimy face of a baby appears; the blanket draped over the child falling back as Kirk lifts him into his arms. The kid makes no sound apart from his coughing. No crying or whimpering, no movement at all instead lying limp in his arms as it stares at the nearest wall.
''Good god man!'' he hears Bones yell before the already too small cage is filled with the doctors presence, the whirring of his tricorder being replaced by the rummaging sounds of him digging inside his medical bag.
''It's a baby, Bones. I can't believe this… it's like fucking Tarsus all over again. Dying kids everywhere, death and disease. Jesus Christ.'' He growls angrily only to apologise profusely to the child in his arms who had moved one gaunt, sickly eye to look at the source of noise.
''Jim we need to get him back on board. Let me take him.''
''No, no I need to be the one to do this. I couldn't save anyone on Tarsus, let me do this. Please.''
Bones stares at him for a minute wanting to mention that Jim had saved twelve people in fact and wondered briefly it was worth the effort to point out that the Captain had lost his reason. He could declare him unfit to command and stating that he was emotionally compromised by the mission, but hell – at this point who wasn't.
''Let me give him a quick shot, it should clear his airways long enough for me to give him a proper exam back on the enterprise.''
He produces a hypo seemingly from nowhere and Kirk braces himself for the squeal of pain that all infants give out upon being injected with a large needle but nothing but a small flinch escapes him. Kirk doesn't know what to think staring down at the boy in puzzlement.
Has the kid been subjected to so much trauma in his short life that he has numbed himself to it all or is he just that defeated and battered that a little more pain doesn't matter?
''Scans showed there were two life signs aboard. Bones can you tell which direction the other one is in?'' He cradles the bundle to his chest and begins a soft patting rhythm on the child's back as he begins to pace back and forth across the room.
''Yeah, just give me a sec' and I'll have a look for you.'' The whirring of the tricorder is interrupted by several grunts of frustration before finally showing a location.
''It's coming from the bridge. Jim – I really do think we should beam back and send another team over. The kid probably hasn't had a decent meal since he was born. We need to take him back, Kid.''
Jim stares down at the boy and relents nodding his head in agreement before making for the exit.
Uhura is deep in conversation with Sulu, his arm is round her shoulders and Kirk kicks back the mild annoyance that flares up inside of him at seeing someone else comfort her but he shrugs it off.
Now is not the time.
Uhura spots him from the corner of her eye and offers him a weak smile before noticing his precious cargo. She immediately runs to his side and when she opens her mouth to ask about him what happed Kirk merely shakes his head and retrieves his communicator from the belt around his hips – turning his body away from Uhura who had reached her arms out to take the child away from him.
''Scotty – prepare a landing party. Six man team oughta do it. Send them down to our coordinates and prepare to beam three of us back. McCoy, me and an infant.''
''Right you are, Sir. Give us a moment to tweak the settings and I'll have ya up in a jiffy.''
Kirk motions for McCoy to join him and turns to Sulu.
''Mr Sulu, expect company in about five minutes. We read one more life sign aboard. Get to it, help how you can but don't drop your guard. You saw what was in those rooms. Somehow I don't think whoever flew this hunk of junk would even think twice about doing the same thing to you.''
''Yes Sir.'' Sulu and Uhura chime in unison before taking up strategic positions against the wall to watch for danger.
Kirk looks towards his other half and back down to the boy. His priority was clear.
''Sir, we are ready to beam you aboard.'' Scotty's strong drawling accent making its way through his open comm.
''Energise''
Jim walks calmly to sickbay, ignoring the curious looks and intrigued faces that fall on him and follow him around. He finds he keeps looking down at the boy. He is still wearing his hood, his hair from what Jim can tell is jet black beneath the dirt and the grime and his eyes while dull and lifeless - would be no doubt be a beautiful hazel when he grew up.
I will make damn sure that this kid will grow up Kirk fumes as he passes through the doors into the examination room.
''Set him down on the table Jim and I'll have a look at him.''
''Ok little one, down we go.''
He places the boy down slowly, careful to support his weak body and the child continues to lie there, arms at his side not moving.
''Hey, you're starting to worry me here buddy.'' Kirk says as he holds the kid's tiny feet between his hands, hoping the warmth of them will draw some sort of reaction as he slowly rubs them.
Jim sighs as he leans over, his hand reaching towards the hood, he pulls it back slowly and sees that the boy's hair is surprisingly long and that there is quite a lot of it for his age. He makes to tuck some of it behind his ear – index finger at his temple, thumb brushing his chin - but the moment his finger comes into contact with the boy's skin…
Something was in his head.
Twisting, looping, threading and coiling away in there to the very centre of his core. Fragments of memories of things he had never seen, tasted, smelled or experienced poured into his mind. Snippets of unfamiliar languages and conversation take place in front of him and he is nauseated by the sound as it speeds up and slows down to the point where surely he must pass out soon because wow – holy fuck what the hell was this?!
Something has settled inside his mind permanently. He can feel it. A heavy sadness, aching despair and loneliness clutching away at him; seeking for something that he is not sure he can give.
He takes a deep breath to steady himself, hearing somewhere far off into the distance Bones screaming his name to snap out of it.
A shrill cry pierces the room and Jim's last thought before he passes out was that he was right about the kid's eyes.
Now that they were watching him; they were indeed beautiful.