Eren walked quickly. It was getting colder but he was well-heated, being as angry as he was.

Shit, shit, shit! Levi did have a partner. That was why he turned Eren down. And not only did he have a significant other, she was a girl. For a moment Eren was jealous and seethed thinking of how pretty she'd been. How dare she? Damnit! How could he possibly get with Levi now?

Snowflakes tumbled down, settling on his coat, getting thicker. Eren broke into a jog fueled by disappointment and rage.

As he got closer to his apartment Eren realized something. He and Levi needed to talk. Eren at least owed himself the opportunity to tell Levi exactly how he felt: attraction, longing, jealousy, the whole ugly mess. Levi wasn't a mind-reader. He slowed to a walk then stopped. No time like the present.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts. He had Levi's number because Shadis had insisted that everybody have their partner's contact info for the fake baby thing.

There it was. Levi Ackerman.

Should he do it? He desperately wanted to contact the man. He wanted to hear that deep, purring voice, be reassured. He would ask Levi to meet him, tell him how he felt. Then let Levi decide.

Levi dropped his phone into his pocket and got his coat on with a grimace. He knew that he needed to talk to Eren. He knew they needed to hash this out but he was reluctant. Reluctant to face the truth.

A few minutes later, he was walking quickly in the direction of the small park where he had suggested they meet. The day had gotten bitterly cold and the snow had stopped. The cover of grey clouds ended just above the horizon, leaving a skinny band of impossible blue.

He rounded a corner and a thin slice of the evening sky opened up between the lowering buildings. He was suddenly taken by the sunset, stopping just to look. The clouds scudded—purplish and edged in pale orange where the setting sun gilded them—just over the horizon. They didn't look real.

For a moment he completely forgot his meeting with Eren, caught up in the beauty, then he remembered and hurried on.

Within minutes Eren and Levi were sitting on a bench by the empty playground where Levi often brought Mikasa to play. They both carefully avoided looking much at each other. The silence was deafening.

Eren fiddled with his gloves. "So, what's your major?"

Levi stared at him. "Really? Small talk?"

Eren nodded helplessly. "Just for a bit? I'm trying!"

Levi sighed. "Early Childhood Education. You?"

"Hospital Admin."

"Interesting choice."

Eren shrugged. "My dad's a doctor. I didn't get the grades to go to doctor school so this is the next best thing to placate my dad." Eren grimaced and the awkwardness descended.

Suddenly Eren hit the seat of the bench with the flat of his hand. Levi jumped.

"This is just stupid!" Eren stared at a startled Levi. "Can't we just talk?"

Levi scrubbed the back of his neck. "I'm just not very good at the whole 'people-ing' thing."

"That's OK, I can do the heavy lifting." Eren managed a crooked smile.

Levi shrugged.

"I work at a coffee shop, the Vibrating Bean," Eren volunteered. "I'm a barista."

"It sounds like a sex toy shop," Levi said.

"No," Eren laughed, despite himself. "Vibrating like hyped up on caffeine."

Levi leveled a look at him. "I got it, Kid," he said dryly.

"Don't call me 'Kid'," he grumbled.

"So, what's a barista?" Levi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His hands, strong and pale, flexed.

"You don't know what a barista is? Have you never been to Starbucks in Mitras?"

Levi pinked up slightly and frowned down at the ground and Eren realized that he had fucked up yet again. Shit.

"No, Eren, I've never been in a Starbucks. I'm not overly fond of coffee and absolutely wouldn't pay five dollars for something I could fucking make at home. Now, what is it that you're so hot to tell me?"

Eren took a deep breath and Levi watched him quizzically.

"Who was that woman at your house?"

"That was Hange, my best friend. What were you doing at my house?" Levi countered.

"I … I told you. I was walking."

"Bullshit."

"OK, fine! Fuck! The truth is ... I like you, Levi."

Levi cocked his head. "Yeah, I know. You asked me out."

"No. I mean I like you like you!"

Levi regarded him gravely. "Why?"

"Because you're perfect."

"Perfect?" Levi said faintly, eyes wide.

"I really, really like you." Eren reached out then and covered Levi's hand with his. Levi immediately retrieved his hand.

"This is not going to work out."

"Why not?" Eren looked desperate. "Tell me why not!"

Levi was quiet for a long moment absorbed in staring down at the dry winter grass. "You look at me like I'm a … an angel." Levi studied his clenched hands. "And I'm just … not. Eren. I'm not."

"You are …"

"I can't be what you need." Levi stood up suddenly. "I'm sorry."

And he was gone.

Eren dropped his head, chin to his chest, and sagged in his seat. He felt like crying.

That afternoon at work Levi was doing flower arrangements in a desultory manner. They were for a wedding and he was carefully, if sadly, crafting the first of five.

Making arrangements for weddings and funerals always depressed Levi. Funerals for obvious reasons—he invariably had flashbacks to his mother's funeral … and Farlan's and Isobel's.

Weddings made him sad as well. He knew it was stupid. He knew people had a right to be happy. But he couldn't help but think "why not him?" Where was his wedding? His happily ever after?

He knew he had to concentrate on Mikasa and her life and he was fiercely dedicated to doing so but … he still wanted something for himself. And it would benefit 'Kasa too.

Levi put in sprays of baby's breath, rearranging the greenery behind them. He was not a pessimistic person but it was hard. He hoped that there was a person out there just waiting for him and that he'd find them someday. But his hope was waning.

He thought of Eren and his heart contracted. Eren. So sweet and so fucking young. Levi knew he wasn't what Eren needed but it didn't stop him from wanting the man.

Eren stopped by his local bar on the way back, single handedly drinking an entire pitcher of beer. Eventually he staggered home.

He slammed the apartment door upon arrival and struggled out of his coat, kicking his shoes petulantly off against the wall. He needed more alcohol.

He grabbed another beer and stood there, in the light of the fridge, and drank it down.

"Hey, stranger, what's up?"

Eren turned. It was Jean.

"Look, I'm sorry about before."

Eren grunted and drained the last of the beer, snagging two more. He closed the fridge and pitched the empty bottle into the trash.

Jean tucked his fingers into his pockets. "So where did you go? It's starting to snow, I think."

"It is." Eren crossed to the couch.

Jean hesitantly followed him.

"Did you see your guy?"

Eren started. He looked at Jean. "How did you know?"

Jean shrugged. "I just figured."

"Well, he's not my guy."

"No?"

"No. D'yknow his mom died?"

"No …"

"That's so fucking sad. I can't even imagine losing my mom. He's only 26!" Eren was already halfway through his second beer. As Jean watched he finished it and uncapped the third.

Jean circled the back of the chair and sat down. He didn't want to hear about Eren's crush but he had to admit that the thought of losing his mom was horrifying. "So why isn't he your guy anymore?"

"He shot me down. Fuck!" Eren gulped at his beer. All of a sudden the alcohol seemed to be going straight to his head.

Jean got up and walked around the couch. He began massaging Eren's shoulders. "It'll be OK. I'll help you."

Eren tensed up. "Jean? What the fuck?" But the massage felt good to his taut muscles and he gradually relaxed, leaning back into the pressure. "Hmmm, that feels good."

Jean leaned down then, putting his mouth close to Eren's ear. "I could make you feel even better."

Eren's eyes snapped open. His dick stirred in his trousers despite all the alcohol he'd had. He quickly finished his beer.

Eren awoke at 2 a.m. His head throbbed. Jesus, he was hungover. He swung his legs off of the bed and sat up with a grunt. Pain lanced through his skull and he groaned. He looked up and froze. The window was in the wrong place. He wasn't in his own room.

For one brief glorious millisecond he thought maybe, just maybe he had slept with Levi and just didn't remember but then he glanced at the bed. Jean lay sprawled on his back, snoring loudly.

Eren blanched.

Jean. He and Jean had fucked. He scrubbed his face with both hands. God, there had been a blowjob. Jean had blown him. Then they'd …

Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

He stood up quickly and immediately his head spun and he felt like he was about to throw up. He swallowed the sensation and hunted for his clothes. Clothes found, he slipped out the door.

Eren dressed quickly in the kitchen and made coffee. Then he poured a big glass of orange juice and drank it down while the coffee brewed.

What the fuck was he going to do? He wanted Levi. He had no feelings for Jean other than friendship. He'd been drunk and vulnerable … and fucking stupid.

Now what?