It was Tuesday when Eren, who had moved seats yet again to sit by Levi in class, spotted Levi's keys under his chair. They must have fallen and Levi had already gone. He grabbed his phone.
"You dropped your keys"
[Old Man] "Ah! Hange let me in so I wasn't even aware that they were gone! Bring them by any time. Just let yourself in and put the keys on the counter. Don't forget to lock the door when you leave!"
"Will do!"
Eren arrived that evening and let himself into the house with Levi's key. No one was home.
He walked across the living room, intending to put the pastries he'd gotten from work and the keys on the island counter. He was halfway across when he heard muted voices.
Was that the neighbors? Eren turned his head. No … it was coming from the bathroom. Eren hesitated, biting his lip, then crept up to the bathroom door, keys and pastries forgotten. He carefully pressed his ear against the wood.
It was Levi and Mikasa. He could hear water splashing so someone was in the bath. They must not have heard him come in and Eren didn't want to disturb whoever was bathing.
The bathroom in Levi's house was an odd one. It was actually the space under the stairs to the upper floor. Subsequently, the whole room was arranged linearly. The big iron clawfoot tub sat under the slanted roof, the toilet sat at its foot, and farther on was the sink—all in a line. Levi sat on the closed lid of the toilet, folding towels and washcloths on his lap while Mikasa bathed. She had accidentally fallen into a puddle and her clothes, covered in mud, were piled at Levi's feet to put in the washer.
Because of the high sides of the old tub, Mikasa had plenty of privacy and Levi was there in case of her needing him. He could hear the soft sloshing of water that reassured him that she was OK and not drowning.
"Papa?" she asked suddenly.
"Yes, Baby?"
"Why doesn't mommy ever come here?"
Levi sucked in a startled breath and Eren, on the other side of the door, pressed closer. Levi was blindsided. Mikasa never spoke of her mother. She had asked, once, early in the last year why she didn't have a mommy and Levi had explained that her mother had been scared and not ready to be a mommy. It had seemed sufficient for a just-barely five-year-old. Levi tried to breathe.
"I told you, Sweetie, that mommy thought that I would make a perfectly good papa and momma all by myself."
There was silence except for some gentle splashing and Levi hoped that it was the end of it.
He was not so lucky.
"Will Eren be my new mommy?" It was a very quiet question and Eren, behind the wood, froze.
"Eren and I are just friends, love. Just like Hange is my friend."
The splashing had stopped. Levi had a pang of paranoia. He resisted the urge to stand up and check on her. He was trying to give her more privacy now that she was a big, bad first grader.
"He'd make a good mommy."
Levi's heart was hammering in his chest. "True. He … he would."
Eren's heart leapt into his throat.
"But we shouldn't think about that right now."
Because everyone leaves.
Levi heard splashing and for a long moment the questions stopped. Levi slowly resumed folding towels.
"Papa?"
"Yes, Baby?"
"Will your heart get tired?"
"My heart … ?" Levi suddenly remembered Eren's talk about his dad and how upset he had been. Eren pressed himself hard against the door, holding his breath and cursing himself for talking about that in front of the girl.
"No … no, Baby. My heart is fine. Nice and strong."
More silence.
"Need more 'poo."
'Poo' was shampoo. Levi smiled slightly. "I'll put it on the list."
"Papa?"
"Yes, Sweetheart?"
"What if your heart gets really, really tired and you die?"
Levi jerked, towels tumbling off of his lap. He had never heard his daughter say that word. He'd only said it once to Mikasa when the class goldfish had died. He struggled to remain calm and speak lightly. "I told you, Baby, my heart—"
"If mommy doesn't want to be my mommy and Eren doesn't want to be my mommy I'll be lonely!" The last word was a teary wail and Levi stood abruptly upright, rushing to the tub and pulling Mikasa from the tepid water and hugging her, naked and wet, against himself as if she was a baby again.
Eren stumbled back from the door, horrified. He backed into the living area and headed quickly for the door. What had he caused? Had he made Mikasa so frightened? He had. By courting Levi when the man was so against a relationship was he causing Mikasa all this grief?
He was. And he couldn't let that happen.
Levi, of course, texted him for support. Unaware that Eren had actually been in his house and had overheard them in the bathroom, he recounted the conversation. Eren noted that Levi left out any reference to him or any pain he may have caused. He only mentioned Mikasa asking about her mother. That just made Eren feel worse.
He forced himself to act casual.
[The Brat] "that sycks. Sounds like you handled it tho"
"Yeah, she seemed to settle down in time for bed."
[The Brat] "ur a good dad"
[The Brat] "Say, I've got ur keys and a bag of goddies. Can i meet yiou outside in ten?"
[The Brat] "*goodies"
"Sure. Why don't you come in for a coffee or something?"
[The Brat] "got studying to do. Sorry"
Levi frowned at his phone. Eren had never ever missed a chance to hang out with him.
"OK. In ten."
Levi was on the porch when Eren pulled up. He left the Civic running.
"Hey. Here's your keys and some pastries from the coffee shop."
"Thanks. Is everything OK?"
Eren rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the ground. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, absolutely devastated by what he knew he must say.
He's breaking up with me, Levi thought with sick certainty, and we're not even dating.
He knew it as well as he knew his own name. It had happened too many times.
"I've been thinking …" Eren began. Levi waited, silent, his heart drawing up in his chest like an apple rotting and shriveling up.
"I've been thinking that this is just not working out."
Levi waited.
"You're not ready for a relationship—which I totally understand—and I am and, well, maybe …"
Levi waited some more.
"Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore."
There it was.
"Not even as friends?"
"N-no."
Levi didn't say anything. He just stood, feeling tattered and small like a discarded toy.
Eren finally began moving away. "So … uhm … bye."
When Eren had driven down the road too far to see, Levi turned mechanically and went back into his house. He checked on Mikasa and sat on the couch, staring at his dark TV.
In the car Eren wept like a baby as he drove.
Levi was not doing well the next day. He knew he was being a hypocrite. He knew he had been steadfast when it had been him who had rejected Eren and, yet, now, he was a mess.
Truth be told, Levi missed Eren. He had held, deep inside his heart, the hope that Eren might be The One. He felt like a fool.
A lovesick fool.
He'd told Mikasa and she had cried and cried and she was not, typically, a cryer. Turns out he was not the only one who cared for that stupid, cheerful, brown-haired idiot.
Eren was no better. He had haunted the apartment for 24 hours, not going to class, lying with fake cheer to his mother on the phone when she called to update him on his dad's condition. Jean and Armin tried their best but Eren responded distractedly, drank continuously, and hadn't eaten. He wandered around the apartment wrapped in a blanket, unwashed, unshaven, and looking like a homeless person.
That evening Levi worked his way through a bottle of bargain-basement wine and thought about Eren. Mikasa was spending the night with Hange. At around eleven pm he suddenly stood up from the couch and put on his jacket.
Levi had his earbuds in—just cheap six dollar ones from WalMart—and his phone was playing "Too Good at Goodbyes" by Sam Smith on repeat when he arrived outside Eren's apartment. He knew he was being an idiot. He knew he was acting crazy and drunk.
But he couldn't help it.
"You must think that I'm new to this
But I have seen this all before
I'm never gonna let you close to me
Even though you mean the most to me
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts"
Levi knew that he had no chance with Eren now. He just knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't even know which apartment was Eren's, so he just let his gaze scan them all. He imagined Eren inside, warm and safe, and it made him feel better.
When the thin snow morphed into an arctic-feeling rain he didn't move.
Jean was microwaving pizza from the night before and Eren was clicking through the channels on the tv looking for something for them to watch.
"Is it still snowing?" Jean asked. "Do you want any cheesy bread?"
"Hell yes to cheesy bread," Eren said, levering himself up off of the couch. He crossed to the big picture window that looked out of the front of the apartment. He pushed back the curtains, staring up at the sky.
"Nope, it's turned to rain I thin—"
Eren had looked down, into the dark, silent street in front of the apartment complex.
There was a man there. He recognized him immediately.
It was Levi. Eren stared.
Levi was soaked through, his black hair slicked down on his head, coat obviously heavy and drenched. He was standing in the pouring rain, no umbrella, and staring up at Eren's apartment building.
"What's the matter?" Jean asked.
"No-nothing."
"What is it?" Jean started to move toward the window.
"Nothing! It's just that it's so fucking cold. I'm surprised it isn't snowing."
Jean, mollified, changed his course to the couch. "It's probably mostly sleet. It's cold as fuck."
Eren pressed his fingertips to the glass of the window. It was frigid. He shivered at the thought of Levi—of anyone—down there in this mess.
"Come on," Jean said from the couch. "Your pizza is getting cold and you need to eat."
Eren stepped back, trying not to think of Levi's only coat that he knew of, the battered black leather jacket, dripping wet with cold water. He glanced down one last time. Levi's seal-dark head tilted up at him and he quickly closed the curtains.