14
Chuck vs. Closure
Tuesday morning.
Chuck Bartowski sat at his desk in his palatial office on the sixth floor of Carmichael Industries' main building. He was speaking via Zoom to a team at the company's East Coast offices in Maryland. The young software developers were always amused by the centerpiece of Chuck's office. There right behind his giant desk was a poster for the movie Tron, a hilariously primitive stab at CGI from the eighties. The phone on his desk was flashing; he muted and picked it up. It was his secretary Sherrie.
"A call for you from a Carlton Fiorini, he identified himself as Emma Burton's brother, he says it's urgent"
"Put him on, please" The conversation on Zoom went on as Chuck switched off his camera and microphone.
" Uh Mr. uh Chuck I got this number and called you cause I don't know who else to call" He sounded distraught which made Chuck nervous.
"I'm Emma's brother, I been staying here with her for the last few weeks, and well this morning she collapsed and I called the ambulance to her."
Emma was Sarah's mother. He had only seen her a few times in the last few years, but he had allotted her a generous monthly stipend that had allowed her to retire and take care of her adopted daughter Molly. Chuck paid for Molly to attend a private school, and enjoy various extracurricular activities such as riding lessons. They were family and Chuck took care of his family.
Carlton went on "They say she's had a stroke, and things aren't looking too good for her." Chuck took a breath, "I'm so sorry, what hospital is she in?"
"Memorial"
"OK, I am going to come up there, where is Molly?"
"She's here with me at the hospital and she's mighty upset." Carlton went on, "Molly said to call you, I don't know how to get a hold of Samantha, I don't think her moma hears from her much"
Samantha was Sarah's real name and it was obvious Carlton had no real idea who Chuck was or his connection to Emma.
"Let me give you my cellphone number, please call me directly if anything changes. I'm leaving now."
Chuck logged out of the online meeting and walked down the hallway to the CEO of Carmichael Industries Dianne Beckman's office. Despite his title as Chief Technological Officer, Chuck as the owner of the company was technically Beckman's boss, but he never felt that way.
"Is she in?" Chuck asked her secretary. Chuck got a nod and he walked into Beckman's large military themed office. Despite the reversal of their roles, Chuck was still a little intimidated by the General, but Beckman quickly sensed something was troubling Chuck.
"Sarah's mother is in the hospital and it's critical. I never thought I would ask this, but can you get in touch with Sarah and let her know?" Chuck hesitated a beat, "I'm going up there to see what I can do"
Beckman's expression never seemed to change and it did not now, "I understand, I will call the Director and get a message to her, don't worry."
Chuck sighed, "I'm going to let Hannah know the situation, and then drive up there, at least for the night."
Chuck was genuinely concerned about Emma and Molly, but deep in his heart of hearts he had to secretly admit the thought of seeing Sarah thrilled him. He then drove home, thinking of Sarah the whole way.
Chuck and Hannah had four children. The oldest, eight year old Bailey, was Hanna's child by her first husband, the product of a short marriage that like Chuck's had ended in divorce. They then had a set of twins Stephen and Mary who were five; they were followed by two year old Michelle. As he walked into their large tastefully decorated mansion Hannah, carrying Michelle, was startled to find Chuck coming home in the middle of the day.
"This is a surprise" she said, but she quickly read her husband's face and realized something was wrong.
"Sarah's mother had a stroke and is hospitalized in Fresno. I'm going to pack a bag and drive up there, and see what I can do to help."
"I'm so sorry, what can I do?"
"Just take care of the kids, Beckman is contacting Sarah. Emma's brother is there. I'm just worried about Molly, I may end up bringing her here if need be."
"Of course, I'd be glad to have her with us" Hannah did not know all that much about the breakup of Chuck and Sarah's marriage. She had learned almost nothing from Chuck, who never talked about it, instead most of what she knew, came from Chuck's sister Ellie and best friend Morgan.
"I'm going to get my bag and see the kids." Chuck said as he walked past her toward their rooms.
Chuck was growing quiet, an unusual state for him, but one Hannah had seen before, she knew it meant he had Sarah on his mind.
After a couple of hours in the car Chuck arrived at the hospital. There he found Molly and Carlton. Molly was a tall teenager with long sandy brown hair and braces. Carlton seemed to be in his mid-seventies and was small and worn looking. Molly recognized Chuck got up and hugged him.
"Uncle Carl, this is Chuck he used to be married to Sam, he's the one who pays for my school."
Carlton stood up and offered Chuck his hand. "I'm pleased to know you, thank you for coming to us; I don't really know what to do about all this, just terrible, terrible"
Chuck shook his hand and said, "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do more. Is there anything you need? Have you eaten anything?"
"We are all right, have you heard from Sam?" ask Carlton again using the family name for Sarah.
Chuck took a breath, "I got a text that she is on her way, but I don't know where she is coming from. Why don't you two go home and get some rest. I'll stay here as long as I need to."
Molly spoke up, "I'm not leaving mommy, they won't let me in there to see her, but I won't go".
Chuck understood and said to the two of them, "Mr. Fiorini go home and get some sleep, I'll stay with Molly." Chuck handed him his card, "This is my cell phone number just call me if you need anything, I'll be right here."
"So you was married to Sam? Huh, I haven't seen her in years."
"Neither have I." added Chuck.
Wednesday
In the early afternoon Chuck was on his cellphone in the hallway talking to Hannah while Molly slept in the waiting room. He felt her coming, and when he looked down the corridor a small jolt of electricity ran through him.
"Sarah is here. I've got to go, wish me luck, I love you." Chuck put the phone in his pocket and turned toward the woman he had fallen in love with at first sight, thirteen years ago.
The years had been kind and she had barely changed. She was wearing a black and gray business suit, the skirt was a little shorter than most, but she still had the legs for it. Her hair was longer than the last time they were together and it was the darkest he had ever seen it. She still took his breath away, and was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He stood up and she smiled.
"Chuck, thank you so much for what you've done" she then grabbed him in a warm embrace and kissed him on the cheek. "Have you talked to the Doctor?"
"Yes they don't know the extent of the damage yet, your Uncle gave them permission to send her records to Ellie and I'm waiting to hear from her."
Sarah nodded and went into the ICU waiting room. Chuck watched from the hallway as Sarah/Sam sat down between her adopted sister and uncle. About an hour or so later Molly and Carlton went home to clean up and get some rest. Chuck was on his laptop checking on the progress of several projects he was supervising.
Sarah came to him, "Are you staying in town tonight? It's getting late."
Chuck looked up, "Yeah I've got a room across the street for the night, I guess I will head back sometime tomorrow". He closed his computer and said, "There are a few things we need to discuss, privately, my hotel has a restaurant and coffee shop, would you mind stepping out for a bit, they have my number at the nurse's desk."
Sarah smiled, "I'd love to, and I know you must be sick of this place."
They silently rode the elevator down and then crossed the street to the Radisson and settled in at a table in the coffee shop, the restaurant not yet open. They both started to talk at the same time and then stopped.
"You first." offered Sarah.
"Well the obvious question is that of Molly's safety, is she safe?"
Sarah took a breath, "She is, the only people who knew about her beside me were Langston Graham, Kieran Ryker, and Daniel Shaw, and they're all dead. The money she stood to inherit is long gone."
Chuck felt a shudder go through him, "Daniel Shaw is dead? Are you sure?"
"Yes he hanged himself in prison about a year ago, and yes he is really dead this time." Sarah changed the subject before Chuck started to ruminate on Shaw. "I see you are wearing a wedding ring."
Chuck was thrown a bit, "Yeah, yeah I married Hannah Parker, she and I dated briefly before, you know, we became...a couple."
"I remember her; I've slowly recovered a lot of memories over the years." She told Chuck this because she knew his next questions would be about what she remembered. "Any kids?"
Chuck smiled, "We have four." He then pulled out his cellphone and opened it to a small album of his children. "This is Bailey, I'm technically her stepfather but her real dad, biological dad, has nothing to do with her so...I'm daddy." He scrolled to the next photos, "Bailey is eight, these are our twins Mary and Stephen, they are almost six, poor Stephen is the only boy, Alex and Morgan have two girls, as does Ellie."
Sarah smiled at the photos.
"This is our baby, Michelle; she's two and just the sweetest thing you can imagine."
Sarah's smile was genuine and so was the pain of seeing what she had lost. She was tortured by the thought that if she had just waited a while longer and worked harder to fall back in love with Chuck, it would be her children in those pictures. Leaving Chuck and rejoining the CIA had not brought her peace of mind. She thought she could plunge into the excitement of missions and let go of the past and the missed opportunity. It did not work.
Chuck had a strangely parallel feeling as they sat there. Then he remembered what went so wrong. The thing he could never get past was the person who emerged when Sarah lost the memory of who she had become with Chuck. Her humanity drained out of her with her memories. She was perfectly willing to kill Chuck and his family because she was told it was her mission. There was no internal check that would make her question what kind of person would marry a man as part of a mission. She had moved back in with him in an attempt to find her previous life but it was doomed from the start. What always struck Chuck was how the defective Intersect had changed almost every fiber of her being. Even the way she said his name changed, and ultimately after just a few months it was obvious to both of them that they could not make it work.
They finished their coffee. Neither of them wanted to revisit the past or really share much of their present.
Chuck started, "I'm going to go up to my room and clean up, where are you staying?"
"I've got a rental car, with my things in it, I'm going back to the ICU now, and once I know more about her condition I'll make a decision".
"I will see you back there in a bit, goodbye Sarah."
Chuck went to his room, face-timed his wife, called Beckman, then Ellie, and then took a shower.
Emma died while Chuck was in the shower. She had never regained consciousness; she never knew who was waiting for her.
The next day Chuck met Sarah and Carlton at the funeral home and planned a small ceremony that was appropriate in the age of Covid. Chuck wrote the check.
Saturday
The funeral was held on Saturday in a small chapel in the mortuary. Carlton, Molly, and Sarah sat in the front pew. Chuck sat two rows back with Hannah. Morgan and Alex sat next to John Casey and Gertrude Verbanski. Ellie sat alone and stone faced in the last pew; as soon as it ended she left without speaking to anyone. Beckman sent flowers.
Team Bartowski expressed condolences, but no one really had anything to say to the woman they had one considered a friend, with whom they had faced danger and spent countless Friday nights sitting around Devon and Ellie's apartment. They got in their cars and left Sarah Walker's life forever.
Sunday
Chuck woke up early as he usually did, and threw on his workout wear. Hannah groggily asked if he was going to work out.
"I'm meeting Awesome at the gym for a while, I'll be back early. I'll shower here before we head over to Ellie's."
Hannah, who liked to sleep in, mumbled "Have fun."
Chuck drove the twelve miles to the Carmichael Industries campus in silence, when he arrived at the parking garage he noticed that Beckman's black Cadillac was in her spot. He swiped his ID to enter and walked past the security desk manned by his old Buy More buddy Fernando. Fernando gave Chuck a beefy smile and a high five as he walked past.
As Carmichael grew in size and success Chuck had made a point of hiring many of his old friends from the Buy More. This had more to do with sentimentality than their competence. Fernando worked security, Skip still sporting an Afro was in house IT. Big Mike Tucker, Morgan's stepfather, managed food services. Jeff Barnes also worked IT on the campus, his brief musical career in Europe had only lasted a few months, and he had drifted back to California alone. Eventually he came to Chuck for a job and the ever loyal Chuck hired him immediately. Lester Patel, who as it turned out was never in the country legally, was believed to be back in Canada. Jeff had not heard from him in years, but often spoke wistfully of the best friend he had ever had, and the supposed musical prowess of their duo "Jester".
Morgan worked directly for the General assisting her with Government contracts. Despite his best efforts, marriage to Alex had pulled him into adulthood. Alex was a stay at home mom to their two daughters. Fatherhood suited Morgan, his beard and hair now streaked with gray, all of the children in the extended family that surrounded Chuck considered him the "fun" grownup.
When Chuck entered the gym a shirtless Awesome was already warming up on an elliptical machine.
"Yo bro you ready to crush it!" he roared with characteristic enthusiasm. Despite being an accomplished heart surgeon in his mid-forties, Captain Awesome M.D. still spoke in frat-boy slang that belied his vast intelligence and education.
Devon then put Chuck through a punishing workout punctuated with shouted encouragement like, "feel those lats burning!, yeah man!" The other employees working out in the gym would occasionally look toward the passionate physician derisively, but Chuck was the boss of bosses, and no one would dare say anything.
When they finished they went into the locker room.
"You gonna hit the shower?" asked Awesome.
Chuck replied "No man, I didn't bring any clean clothes, I'll change at home and we will be over to your house before noon."
Awesome lowering his voice for seriousness then said, "Sorry about Sarah's mother, we only met once but she seemed really nice".
"Yeah she was." Chuck in the hoarse breathy tone he took when talking seriously.
Awesome went on, "Man it must have been weird seeing Sarah, it really freaked Ellie out, I don't know why she went to the funeral."
Awesome squinting a bit, "Man that must have been heavy, I think I would freak out if I ran into her again, after all that happened."
Chuck pursed his lip and then said, "I can't deny it felt strange, but a lot has faded, what's past is past, my life has turned out differently than I ever could have expected."
Devon sat down on a bench, "Man I hope it wasn't too painful for you bro. She really put you through it back in the day."
Chuck sat down across from him and took a long breath through his nose. It felt good to talk about it with someone he trusted, "Yeah, I was flooded with memories, good and bad, but you know I have my life, my family and friends are my life now. There was a time when Sarah and I could have had what I have now. It's what I wanted; hell it's what I wanted with Jill at Stanford all those years ago. It didn't happen."
Devon looked Chuck in the eyes, "We're lucky guys, Chuck. There's a reason people seek out conventional life, because it's good. I'm with you bro, family life is the good life." He then straightened up a bit and added, "Ellie was pretty quiet after you two got back, and she's still carrying some baggage in regard to Sarah. By the way how'd she look?"
Without hesitation Chuck came back, "Gorgeous as ever, between you and me, she still takes my breath away. I'm not going to address Ellie's grudge against Sarah, I can't defend her pulling a gun on Ellie, and ultimately what's to be gained? I'm fairly certain I'll never see her again."
Devon smiled at Chuck, "Yeah, she was awesome."
When Chuck arrived home Hannah and the kids had already left for Ellie and Devon's house. He showered and drove himself there, again in silence losing himself in memories made a decade before. Poolside he found the older children playing a goofy game of Marco Polo with Morgan. The younger ones were in a smaller attached pool with Alex. Jeff was sitting next to his sister on a chaise lounge wearing a bathing suit, Hawaiian shirt, and a straw hat. Devon stood, shirtless, at a large gas grill talking to Big Mike.
A few minutes after Chuck, John Casey and Gertrude Verbanski arrived. As soon as the couple walked through the gate Alex and Morgan's youngest daughter Amanda bolted to them. Gertrude scooped her up and rapidly kissed her twice. Chuck was always astounded at what a loving and attentive grandparent the formerly scary Verbanski had become. Casey, gray haired, but as formidable as ever, grabbed a beer from the poolside refrigerator and walked toward Chuck.
Casey started, "You've had quite a week, you OK?"
"All good" replied Chuck and that was good enough for both of them.
Chuck then went into the kitchen of the main house looking for Ellie. He found her filling a tray with toppings for the hamburgers. She put it down and walked toward Chuck, just then Morgan entered and joined them in the middle of the kitchen. Ellie had long ago stopped pretending she couldn't stand Morgan. She loved him like a brother, which in many ways he was.
"So did you work things out with Sarah...I mean in regard to Molly?" Ellie said both asking a question and making a statement.
"Yeah, of course, we were both concerned about Molly and her uncle," said Chuck.
"Is it all worked out?"
Chuck, "Yes, Sarah is going to stay there with her, I'm sure things will work themselves out".
Ellie and Morgan both looked directly at Chuck, Ellie began, "Was there any closure in it for you? I hope it was not too upsetting." Chuck, "My closure is Hannah, my kids, this crew standing around your pool. Sarah is an important part of my past, but that's all she is."
Just then Chuck's daughter Mary came stomping into the room looking agitated.
Mary whined "Daddy, Stephen keeps touching my throat and he won't stop!"
Chuck looked down at her and said "Tell him I'm coming out there and that he is under a no throat touching restraining order!"
Mary and Ellie left, leaving Chuck and Morgan alone.
Morgan, not much taller than Mary, looked up at Chuck and said, "Dude, Sarah, is still insanely hot."
Chuck nodded and said "Oh yeah."
Chuck stepped out onto the tiled apron around Awesome and Ellie's pool. Their careers as physicians had been financially rewarding, but not this rewarding. It was their investment in Carmichael Industries restart as a cyber-security firm that had paid off so spectacularly. Their wealth meant that Ellie could engage in neurological research at the USC Keck School of Medicine and at Carmichael. Awesome kept a limited heart surgery practice and lectured at UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine. A sizable chunk of his time was, however, dedicated to just being awesome; rock climbing, whitewater kayaking, etc. In Clara he had at last found a fearless partner to join him in these pursuits.
Around the pool was the rest of the usual Sunday crew. There was Devon's younger brother David also known as Captain Handsome, he was a young resident at Westside Medical, and was in the company of his gorgeous girlfriend Jennifer. Jennifer was playing with Michelle who was wearing a swimsuit with built-in flotation that reminded Chuck of the body armor he used to wear. Jennifer reminded him of how Sarah in a bikini would have every man in the area glancing sidelong at her. Chuck's mother Mary had arrived, and instantly Bailey had her by the hand begging her to get in the pool with her. Hannah was under one of the cabanas with her grandmother and Devon's mother Honey. John Casey was at the bar with Hannah's father Richard, who had been a Marine, and like Casey, a gun enthusiast. They had become friends and often shared a derisive amusement at Chuck's professed fear of guns. Casey went along with it, knowing full well that Chuck had once outdrawn and gunned down one of the CIA's top spies, Daniel Shaw.
Hours later Hannah and Chuck loaded the limp exhausted bodies of their children into Hannah's Navigator and strapped them in for the short ride home.
"I'm right behind you hun." said Chuck as he got into his S class Mercedes.
Still on the passenger seat were the now hopelessly antique CD-R's he had burned a decade ago to listen to in Sarah's car. Chuck had thrown them in the car as he prepared to drive up to Fresno just as some sort of reminder. He had meticulously assembled each one with music to match themes for the road. The boxes featured elaborately designed covers with pictures of the once happy couple. The one that caught his eye was titled "Rainy Ride Home" with Sarah disembodied head, eyes closed on the cover. He slid it in the CD player and the song "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart came on. Listening to its mournful lyrics a stream of memories filled his consciousness. Some were moments he'd not thought of in a decade, others he thought about every day. The song ended and he was home.
They put the kids to bed, and crawled into bed themselves. Hannah was turned toward Chuck who lay on his back thinking.
Softly she asks just above a whisper, "You OK? You've been pretty quiet."
"Yeah, as you can imagine it was strange interacting with Sarah, it threw me a little off balance for a minute." Chuck then looked at her, "you have an ex too, do you ever wonder about having to deal with Mike?"
Hannah thought for a pause and then said, "Less and less, he has ignored Bailey since she was a baby, I guess I'm afraid someday he'll show up and upset her, upset us."
"I knew the day could come, but I never planned for it, considering her line of work, I think I was more prepared to hear that she had died on some mission." Chuck went on, "I'm not sure my dealings with Sarah and Molly are completely over just because I have some financial details I didn't want to discuss with her under the circumstances. Hopefully, that stuff can be handled over the phone; it kind of gave me the heebie jeebies to sit across a table from her." He put his hand on her arm, "Is this bothering you?"
Hannah reached back and said, "No I trust you, I'm your wife and the mother of your babies, and in this community property state I'd crush your cheating ass in court"
"Aww come on, you'd take my Mercedes and Jet Ski and leave with me with nothing?"
Hannah smiled, "I would even take that fucking Tron poster, sleep on that, now I'm going to sleep, good night Chuck. With that she rolled over away from Chuck.
He then thought of a time when he and Sarah had taken baby Clara to the grocery store. Sarah was wearing a baby Bjorn carrier that strapped the sleeping infant in front of her. Chuck watched how caring and carefully she held the baby's head when she leaned over to get something or put it in the cart. Sarah was a remorseless killer, he had seen that, but at that moment his only thought was that one day she would be a wonderful mother to the children they would have together. That had not happened. As he lay there Ellie's question about closure resurfaced. He considered it for a minute and thought to himself there's no such thing as closure; I'll love her until the day I die.
Sarah lay on her mother's bed leafing through a big photo album she'd found in her nightstand. There were pictures from Emma's entire life, and near the back were some that Sarah had given her after they had reconnected. One above the others caught her eye. It was her and Chuck leaning against the nerd herd desk, they were both smiling slightly at the photographer, probably Morgan, wearing the uniforms they both wore to work in those days.
"My beautiful sweet boy, why did I have to lose you?" She whispered.
In the here and now she had a brokenhearted teenager to raise; she closed the album and turned off the light. On this night she would dream of her days with Chuck as she often did.