DK looked down at his wrists. He was surprised to find that they spewed viscous banana substances.
"This is a great power!" DK remarked as he shot more banana at objects around the house to practise his aim.
He accidentally knocked over the frame containing his autographed picture of his idol King Kong. The shattering of glass made him feel deeply ashamed and a tad worrisome of his newfound ability.
"This will take great responsibility..." DK sighed as he mused about being a genuine hero.
Suddenly, a tingle in his monkey soul caused him to shudder. "I sense K. Rool and his no-good squad of hooligans are causing turmoil in the city!" With that, he shot the banana goo into the trees and swung to his destination.
The thieving King K. Rool was robbing the Kongo Bongo National Bank. His Kritters had blasters aimed at the teller and other innocent bystanders. "I will use this loot for such scheming scams!" laughed the despicable reptilian monarch.
"Not so fast, lizard lips!" cried a small voice. It was Diddy Kong and he had arrived just in time to take on the evil.
K. Rool snapped his fingers and the brutish Krusha hobbled over, crunched Diddy into a tight ball, and chucked him into a nearby dumpster.
"Oh dear!" Bluster sobbed. "With Diddy down for the count, we are all doomed! DOOMED!" He began writing his will.
"Is there any dude who can save our souls to the max?" cried Funky.
"I am here!" shouted a heroic voice. It was a mysterious masked ape that no one had ever seen before. He swung into the bank via his banana webbing and started beating up the Kritters.
"You are all worthless minions!" howled K. Rool. He quickly scooped up the big bag o' loot and scurried out the door like a true coward.
The masked ape saw the Kremling King trying to escape and shot his banana webbing at his heels, tripping the tubby chump, and getting the money back.
"You saved us!" said Dixie.
"But who are you?" asked Candy.
"You know who I am... Just you're friendly neighbourhood Spider-Kong!" chimed the hero as he shot a banana web into the air and swung off into the sunset.
"I want to marry him," said Candy with dreamy eyes.
Bluster frowned. I am very envious of his powers and his luck with the females... I must formulate a method of crushing him!
Once the masked man was far enough away, he removed his mask, revealing he was actually... DONKEY KONG!?
DK landed a ways off from Cranky's Cabin. He wanted to make sure he hid his secret identity from the public so that no one would hurt his family.
As soon as he entered the crotchety old geezer's cabin he heard an eruption anger from the front desk.
"I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER-KONG!" roared Cranky. He was so enraged that his grit dentures were starting to chip.
DK took out a picture he had taken on his CELLULAR DEVICE and handed it to Cranky.
Cranky frowned at the mediocre secret selfie. "This is not worth my money or anyone's. Good job, kid! Now get out! Spider-Kong is a menace to society! Get it in print on the double! I want billboards warning the public of this new threat! He's a bank robber, I tell ya!"
DK was saddened to hear that his own grandpa-thing hated his guts. He went to the fridge and grabbed a coconut cream pie.
Just when DK was about to take his first bite, his Kong Sense tingled again.
All of a sudden, the east wall of the cabin exploded revealing a gorgeous grey ape with a rockin' pompadour standing atop a barrel-copter. "Where's Spider-Kong?" howled the menace.
Cranky shrieked and passed out.
The evildoer eyed DK. "I am Leo Luster! Tell Spider-Kong to meet me at Bluster's Barrel Factory or I'll destroy everything he knows and loves!"
DK was so horrified, but he knew what he had to do. He had to stop his new nemesis.
And so, DK suited up and banana webbed to the barrel factory. There he saw all of his friends in barrels about to be fed to a wood-chipper.
"That absolute madman..." DK murmured.
"It's too late, Spider-Kong!" cackled the handsome menace. "My crimes will make everyone worship my dashing good looks evermore!"
"Stop being evil!" DK shouted as he shot banana webbing at Leo Luster and tangled them up. The two waged gruesome battle with many punches, kicks, and tongue lashes. They were brawling like gods.
Finally, Leo Luster gave in and took off his pompadour. "No, it's me!" cried the villainous stud.
"Bluster?" DK cried, totally shocked by the revelation.
"I am like the father you never had, so let's be buddies. Okay?" said Bluster, holding out his arms for a hug.
"I have a father..." said DK with so much emotion. "But depending on what timeline we're in, I'm not sure who..."
DK's Kong Senses activated again and he jumped out of the way. He just missed the barrel-copter that tried to ram him. The airborne vehicle ended up striking Bluster and Bluster was defeated once and for all.
EPILOGUE...
DK stood in front of Bluster's grave and kissed Candy. Then he rejected her because he was not an astronaut. As he walked away, he had a deep internal monologue.
Whatever life holds in store for me...
I will never forget these words:
"With great power comes great responsibility..."
This is my gift.
My curse...
Who am I?
I'm Spider-Kong...
NICKELBACK PLAYS