Chapter eighteen

Christian ran a hand over his hair. He wasn't going to defend himself, he knew he should have been more forthcoming in talking about his past. He'd known that sooner or later it would come out in the open especially when Raymond Steele confronted him a few days ago. Yet, the man had given him the benefit of the doubt when he'd explained that his relationship to BDSM had been a thing of the past. But for some reason, Ana saw things differently. As a matter of fact, he didn't like the look in her eyes whenever their eyes met. He supposed he should give her time to absorb everything he'd just told her. And so he decided to give her some space.

"I'm sleeping in the room down the hallway," he announced. Without waiting for a response, he moved to gather his pillow, his things.

Ana's heart dropped. Still, she said nothing and watched him helplessly, knowing she would have a hard time sleeping without him next to her.

….

Mia arrived early the next morning, looking as though she'd barely slept all night and yet, at the same time, she was giddy with excitement. Ana was in the kitchen making breakfast and Christian was not up yet.

"I think I will head to bed now," Mia said after grabbing a bowl of cereal. "Sorry, no offense, I'm just not in the mood for a big breakfast."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Huh huh," she mumbled as she ate. She was eating fast as though she was training to participate in a food eating contest.

"This guy Matt...you knew him from before...right?"

Mia tensed. "From before what?"

"Did you know him before last night?"

"No, I didn't," Mia shrugged. "He's great. I can't wait to see him again tonight."

Ana shook her head as she removed the bacon off the skillet and set it aside to cool. "But you just spent the night with him?" She couldn't help the judgmental tone in her voice which immediately put Mia in the defensive.

"Whoa..if it isn't ms. perfect talking?" Mia let out a huff.

Christian walked in at that moment and Mia wrapped him into a bear hug. He was a bit surprised by her affection. when he and his parents had the big falling out, Mia had immediately sided with them.

They talked for a couple of minutes before Mia excused herself saying she needed to lie down as she had a long night. "Is my old room available?"

"Of course," Christian answered, his attention shifting to Ana who had not said much as she was busy getting a plate ready for Christian.

"Thanks for making this, I'm starved," he said as Mia exited the room.

"Your welcome. I hope you slept well," she said bringing her own plate to the table and sitting across from him.

Christian sighed. "Could have been better. I missed you, Ana."

I missed you too! Ana thought, yet she said nothing.

"Everything I told you last night...it's too much baggage," he shook his head. "My past is dark and sordid past but I don't believe it has to define my future especially when I have turned a new leaf. That lifestyle is a thing of the past, believe me."

Ana considered his words carefully. Even though this was not the first time he'd assured of that, she had now had the chance to think things through. Frankly, last night, she'd felt like an avalanche had descended upon her.

"I'm open to any questions, and I mean any questions. Nothing is taboo."

"Okay," She hesitated. She pushed the food around on her plate. "There's one thing though. You said your mom walked in on you and found out about this lifestyle of yours. How old were you then?"

"I was eighteen when my parents found out. Too old for them to press charges as I was no longer a minor."

"And how old was she?"

He shrugged. "Probably as old as my mom. Late thirties, I think."

"What that woman did was wrong," Ana said sternly. Last night, she had the chance to give this a great deal of thought. The more she thought about it, the more indignant she became. "You were only fifteen when this woman snared you."

Snared? "I admit, I didn't see it that way for many years. I thought the best of her. It wasn't until the scam with the night clubs came to light that I realized the kind of person she was. After that, I went into law enforcement, thinking I needed to do my part in putting people like hers behind bars."

Ana gave his words serious thought. Yes, he'd been a victim, he decided. Except that he'd turned things around, refusing to become a passive victim. He'd taken a stance and he'd done his part in helping make the world a better place and that was something she admired.

By now they were finished with their meal and started loading the dishwasher. They worked seamlessly. At one point, their shoulders touched. Christian stopped moving and Ana looked into his eyes for a moment before lowering them.

"I meant what I said last night, Ana. I want a relationship with you," he lifted her chin and she met his gaze tentatively.

"Christian-I just can't-I don't know."

"No pressure. I will give you the time you need. I want you to be sure you want to be with me...and not just for the INS interview."

He regarded her intently, letting her know she had his undivided attention.

"Christian...There's a lot to think about..."

Wasn't this what she'd been hoping for all along?

Yep, he'd actually said it. She was sure. Last night, she might have misheard...but this time there was no mistaking it. He wanted her!

Her heart skipped a beat. Did he just say he wanted to be with her?

"I read an article last night...it's hard not to feel...I don't know what the right word is," she lowered her gaze again. "Today Mia said I was being too judgy...and maybe I am, maybe I'm being too judgmental? I don't want to be that way, but I just can't help it. I feel that this BDSM is... wrong."

"Ana...I'm not asking you to accept the lifestyle. I'm not into that anymore," he paused meaningfully. "But I feel like you're having a hard time separating who I am from my past."

"I don't want to judge you...but at the same time, I can't help feeling the way I do."

"I think you need more time." He wondered. As he said before, he would give her all the time she needed. One thing was for sure, she needed to be able to put all this behind them in order to embrace the future and realize that his separation from his past was permanent. He walked over to the kitchen island and grabbed his keys. "I need to get going. Two things today: Later this morning Molly Maid is sending one of their workers for three hours and-"

Ana let out a huff. "What am I supposed to do during those three hours? Watch her clean?"

Christian shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe you and Mia can chat? Watch TV? Give each other manicures?" He said lightheartedly, grabbing his briefcase. "But promise me you won't clean right along with her?"

Ana made a face and he let out a chuckle. "C'mon. I wanna hear the words."

Ana rolled her eyes and his eyes darkened. "Okay. I promise not to clean right alongside the maid."

In turn, he rolled his eyes in playful disbelief. She stifled a chuckle. "No cleaning prior or afterward. Got it?"

He regarded her suspiciously. "Ana?"

She nodded her head reluctantly.

"Promise me!" He persisted and patiently waited with his hand on the doorknob.

"Okay, I promise! I promise I won't clean today!"

This was just so hilarious, she thought. If the nouns could see her right now, what would they say hearing her make such a promise?

"Atta-girl!" He chuckled. "Oh, yes. The other thing. Your doctor's appointment is at 3:00 pm. I will be coming back at 2:30 and drive you there. Alright?"

"Okay," Ana muttered as Christian closed the door behind him. Her heart dropped, missing him already.

...

In the waiting room at the doctor's office

When at last the nurse called Ana, she looked back at Christian, half expecting him to go in with her even though he'd already told her he'd be waiting for her in the waiting room. This was her first time seeing a doctor by herself. Back home Mami always went with her to all of her doctor's appointments.

After getting her weight and vitals, the nurse ushered her into a room. Everything was very modern and the staff very efficient but a little bit too cold and standoffish.

"Sonic attack, huh?" The doctor took a moment to do a google search and familiarize himself with the case. "Any headaches, buzzing in the ears?" He asked while examining her.

"Not really. I haven't had any symptoms since I arrived at the airport."

The doctor looks down at his laptop again. "Your medical records look good. I see you're up to date on your shots...any concerns?"

Ana shook her head no.

"You mentioned you just got married..." He said looking at her through the rim of his glasses. "What form of birth control are you using?"

Ana was shocked at the direct question over something she considered taboo.

"Have you ever visited an OB-GYN before?"

Ana gave the doctor a blank look.

"An OB-GYN is a women's health doctor," he said carefully and waited for her reaction.

Ana was confused. Back in Cuba, women don't go see a gynecologist unless they're pregnant.

"I will take that as a no?" He grabbed a couple of pamphlets and handed them to Ana. "These are several options for birth control. You can take them home, and read and think about them or I can write you a prescription if you already know what you want."

"I don't know," she answered after a long silence. She supposed she should probably get something just in case. Better safe than sorry? But she was truly at a loss. She was not familiar with the various methods of birth control. She'd only heard of the pill and then she'd also heard there was a cancer risk associated with it. So was it a matter of weighing out the lesser of the two evils?"

"Okay. Sounds like you need to do your homework first," the doctor replied, already thinking of the next patient. "Give me a call when you're ready and I'll write the prescription."

...

A few days later

It was the weekend so Christian was off work. They decided to have breakfast and not wait for Mia to emerge from her room. It seemed like her normal routine was to go to bed late and rise late. After breakfast, they both retreated to the living room. Christian got busy returning some emails. After a while, he noticed that Ana also got busy with her electronic device. She had decided to keep the android phone for her personal use and refused to even look at the i-phone her father had gifted her.

"What are you watching?"

Ana tilted the screen forward so that he could take a look.

Christian cocked his ears forward. He recognized the tune for sure.

Everywhere around the world, they're coming to America.

Every time the flag's unfurled,

they're coming to America.

Got a dream to take them there

they're coming to America.

"I know this song...it's by...huh," Christian trailed off.

"Neil Diamond, the jazz singer," Ana smiled. "That's what my mom used to call him. As it turned out, he wasn't even a jazz singer at all," she said shaking her head. "Jazz singer was the name of the album based on the movie The Jazz Singer. The style of music was not jazz but pop music...," she let out a deep breath. "Neil Diamond's style was more like soft rock, pop, and country. I read all about it on the internet," she trails off, amazed at the sheer amount of information out there at the touch of your fingertips in just seconds.

Christian was happy to hear she had now become more familiar with using her smartphone to navigate the internet. "You listened to this song back in Cuba?"

"Yes," she mumbled, once again overcome with bittersweet memories. "It was my mom's favorite song in the whole wide world. America. She dreamed of coming back to America for as long as I remember. I remember her cranking up the volume and us dancing all around the house and singing at the top of her lungs. I'll never forget the look of longing and hope on her face," her face suddenly crumbled. "Life is not very fair, is it?

"No it is isn't. Life is often a tragedy. I'm sorry about your mom, sorry she never got to come back home."

"You know what Mia said when I told her the story? She said I was here to fulfill the dream for us both," she murmured softly, tears streaming down her face.

Christian held his breath, her pain was as palpable to him as though it was his own. He imagined she would always carry the loss of her mother wherever she went. He wished for nothing less than to be able to ease her pain. "That was a beautiful thing for her to say," he mumbled softly, reaching to caress her cheek with the back of his hand.

In response, she leaned in closer, and in a move that seemed perfectly natural, he wrapped an arm around her and gave her a comforting hug. Ana slipped easily into his embrace and rested her face into his lightly bristled cheek. She inhaled his manly scent and musk, relished the feel of her breasts against his chest, the beat of his heart against hers.

Unable to help herself, she nuzzled his cheek, placing a kiss along his jaw. Heaven help her, she wanted more than just comfort. She wanted more, a lot more.

Christian groaned and at once, she saw how he struggled against his own temptation. Unable to contain himself any longer, he turned and caught her lips in his. He slid his tongue in hers and raw need took over. Hands explored, stroked, caressed. Breaths mingled, and heat explored in a sexual rush. He positioned himself above her, and his hands strayed down to her belly, toying with the waistband of her jeans, slipping deliciously onto her warm abdomen.

She let out a gasp, nervous about where this was heading and yet, she clung to him, wrapping her arms around him and deepening the kiss.

Before she knew what was happening, the top button of her jeans popped and when his hand reached in between her legs, she let out a quiet moan and spread her legs further apart. Brushing the fabric of her underwear, he was delighted to find she was already wet. Further, he felt encouraged to continue his caresses by the deep, sexy sounds she was making.

Just as he contemplated carrying her back to the bedroom bridal style, they were forced to part suddenly as they both heard the clomp of Mia's loud heels against the marble floor.

"Oops...did I interrupt something?" she asked innocently in a tone that sounded almost too cheerful.

"Oh, no," Ana quickly replied glancing over at Christian who was still looking lustfully at her, tugging at his jeans around the crotch area.

…

Shortly after, Ana fixed steak and potatoes for lunch. Mia and Christian complemented her on the meal, Mia was highly impressed wither her cooking skills. After lunch, Christian went straight to his laptop. Ana and Mia exchanged a knowing look; even though he was home, he was still planning on working this weekend.

"Well, that leaves us two choices," Ana said to Mia with a straight face. "Clean the house...or give each other manicures."

"I vote for the manicures!"

Ana grinned, glad that Mia wasn't the type to hold grudges. After rummaging through Mia's extensive travel nail polish collection, Ana chose a light pink polish for herself. Mia chose a black shade that Ana found appalling. Still, she applied the polish on to the best of her ability.

While she waited for her nail polish to dry, Mia sneezed a couple of times. "Ana? Can you please get me Kleenex? I have a small pack in my purse."

Ana nearly froze when she noticed a hair clip (her missing hair clip!) as she rummaged through Mia's purse. "look?"

"Oh...my!" Mia giggled. "I found it yesterday...I was going to give it back to you, but forgot!"

"You did?" Ana shook her head, torn, not sure what to believe. It seemed to her that if Mia had intended to give her the hair clip back, why did she have it buried deep inside her purse?

….

Later

In the quiet of the afternoon, Christian found Ana on the couch, watching the Neil Diamond video for the up tenth time.

He sat beside her. "Hey, you could sing Neil Diamond's song at the interview and earn some brownie points toward your citizenship," he joked and she laughed merrily.

"Except I'm already a US Citizen..." She bit her lip. She was going to say more, rant about both her parents having American citizenship and how rights had been trampled first by both the Cuban and the American government, her legal status pathetically undetermined through no fault of her own.

Christian simply nodded, conceding her point.

She met his gaze and they stared at each other for the longest time, indecision, longing and something akin to regret pulling them in different directions.

At last, she spoke.

"Christian...can I ask you a question?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Shoot."

"What if beating someone is the only way you can be...satisfied?"

The question initially stunned him as it was unexpected, however, he quickly recovered.

"It doesn't. It's been a couple of years now since I've had a submissive. I've had a few relationships since then where there have been no binding, no spanking. Those relationships failed for other reasons...lack of true intimacy...and I can tell you for sure those activities no longer excite me."

Ana let out the breath she was holding. This sounded good. But how could she be sure he wouldn't ever want something from her...something she could never give him?

He seemed to read the hesitation on her face. "Believe me, Ana. I have no reason to lie. I'm tired of empty, loveless relationships," he paused. "I understand you being cautious...but perhaps you're taking this a little too far? I can only give you my word and you're gonna have to trust me here."

Her gaze softened. Ay, Dios! She was so ready to believe.

"It seems to me the whole way you'll be convinced is for me to actually show you," he said, scooting closer," for me to make love to you," he murmured softly in her ear.

At once, she dropped her protective armor, the moment she heard his next words:

"Let me make love to you, Ana."

RESPONSE TO REVIEWS:

hummergirlnv: Finally! Yes, we're one step closer. Hope you enjoyed! BTW, this is a slow burn story ;) The question is, is it time yet?

Munkeyfump20: Thank you for sharing your battle with cancer, I will be keeping you in my prayers. I'm glad this story is bringing us together and perhaps helping you in a small way. There is a quote I especially like: "There are no passengers on planet earth, we're all crew." I think it means: we're all in this together for better or for worse, let's be there for one another.

LiannyW: Good point, they're just getting to know each other and he did tell her as soon as Elena appeared.

Zeeulove: The jury is out on that one. I think Ana is just upset that he was so secretive about his life, only gave her little crumbs here and there but nothing substantial.

Aja2007: I'm happy to hear you look forward to updates! Reviews like yours motivate me to keep coming back with more even when I'm not 100% sure what to write next. That's happened in the last couple of chapters, some parts I wasn't so sure about but I figured that something was better than nothing. That's why the chapters have been a little on the short side lately. Please keep them coming.

Quick questions: Do you think Mia was lying or was she really going to give Ana the hair clip back? Will A & C make love at last?