Chapter nineteen

Ana lowered her gaze. Her right hand played with her wedding band, her mind taking her back to their brief marriage ceremony at the embassy. She'd grown up believing in the sanctity of marriage vows and yet, here she was pledging to stand by Christian, a man she hardly knew, for better or for worse.

Theirs had been a civil ceremony, so there had been no legal requirement to wear rings. Yet, Christian produced two gold wedding bands at the right moment, seemingly out of nowhere.

He'd surprised everyone, especially Ana, who stared at him wide-eyed as he reached for her hand.

"With his ring, I wed you. This is for you to remember that you're my talisman, Ana... and that I'm yours."

They were each other's talismans.

Then, it was her turn. Not wanting to mindlessly repeat his vows, Ana looked at the ambassador for help.

"I take you, Christian, to be my lawful wedded husband," she said simply.

His vows had been short, original and sweet. Just like hers.

Presently, Ana couldn't help but wish theirs had been a traditional marriage ceremony filled with forever promises of love and faithfulness. But there had been none of that.

Christian was looking at her expectantly waiting for her response. Ana shook her head to fully bring herself back to the present moment.

Looking into Christian's eyes, she felt a strong pull. It would be so easy to say yes, wouldn't it?

The hardest thing was to say: Wait.

Of Course. But how could say yes when her rational mind had snapped to attention like a soldier standing straight in front of a drill sergeant.

Okay, so he'd said he wanted a relationship with her. Still, it was NOT all that clear to her what he meant by that.

"What about love?" She asked pointedly. "I was raised to give my heart and my body only for true love?"

As soon as she said the words she became aware that to him she was sounding a bit like a heroine from a novel from the 17th century.

Christian squinted, momentarily at a loss of words. Love? If he was going to be honest with himself, he liked Ana a lot and he was sure attracted to her but he wouldn't call that love. How could he? They'd met five minutes ago.

"I want you, Ana. I want you like I've never wanted anyone else," he said sincerely, hoping that was enough.

His answer thrilled her and disappointed her at the same time. Her gaze dropped. While it was great to know that he felt something for her, she wanted more, needed more.

After what seemed like an eternity, her gaze slowly rose to meet his and his somber gaze met hers before drifting to her lips. It lingered there and for a moment time came to a standstill.

He bent his head, their faces nearly touching. His lips nearly brushed hers and she couldn't help but part them a fraction. In the next moment, however, she turned her head to the side. If she caved in now against her beliefs, she would lose nothing less than her identity, her self-respect.

"Christian, I know you like me...but I want to feel that you love me," she murmured, tentatively meeting his gaze and yet, making it abundantly clear she wasn't budging on this. Nothing less than a declaration of love would satisfy her. "I'll understand if it's too early for that. But I can't sleep with you unless...unless it's because we love each other and we're going to be together forever."

Christian heard the words: Together forever. He physically retreated from her to the other end of the couch; the distance between them becoming more than just physical.

She was looking at him intently; pressing him for an answer he couldn't give her. Sure they were married but that didn't mean it had to be forever, if he'd believed that, he obviously wouldn't have married her. He shook his head. It was insane.

What she was asking for was outrageous; it was too much to expect at this point in their relationship. In his book, they needed to be in a relationship long enough for him to decide they belonged together (and yes, this included lots of sex too), and not the other way around. How ironic it was that she was operating under the complete opposite assumption. One thing was for sure, there was no way he was rushing into that type of commitment.

Neither was he going to lie to her and tell her what she wanted to hear, that he loved her so that he could get into her panties.

"Do you know what I think?... You're something else...you're the most un-American woman I've ever met," he murmured, his voice laced with frustration. He wasn't sure why he'd said that but he really can't think of a better response. One thing was for sure, he was sticking by his principles.

Ana narrowed her eyes. She's not sure what to make of such a statement. "Is that supposed to be a compliment or what?

She was not satisfied with that. It wasn't enough. She needed the security of knowing that he loved her and that nothing between them could ever go wrong.

Anything less would be unacceptable. She rose to leave the room.

He reached for her arm to stop her. "Ana. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You're unique and exotic. Yes, you're un-American but in a good way. That's what I...what I like about you." He'd been about to say 'love' but changed it to 'like' at the last minute. Whew, that was a close one!

"I'm not mad...it's just that there's nothing else to say," she murmured, unable to meet his gaze. She hopelessly in love with this man. Yet, she couldn't confess loving him, he had to be the first one to say it.

"I should have told him," Ana murmured to herself once she was alone in the master bedroom. "I should have asked him what happens after the interview," she berated herself. When it came down to it, that was her greatest fear, that Christian would tire of her after a short while, and she would end up being nothing more than a two-week romance.

...

That night, Ana got in bed intending to read on her phone for a little while, but that little while soon turned into two and a half hours.

At a little past midnight Ana the phone aside. Wow. That little device was quite addictive, wasn't it? No wonder everyone seemed so spellbound by it; it was so easy to get lost in it, clicking from one link to the next without realizing how much time was passing by. There was always more to read, more to explore.

Reading about BDMS had led her to explore at length the topic of sex. She couldn't believe the sheer amount of information out there. The stuff she'd read for sure would make the nuns back home cross themselves many times over. Picturing the look on their faces brought a big grin the size of mars to her face.

She was still thinking of the scandalized look on their faces ( just because it was insanely hilarious) when she stumbled upon the word masturbation. Naturally, she gravitated from one link to another like a child opening a mountain of presents and who quickly wants to find out what's next.

One of the websites openly talked about what the writer considered to be a healthy sexuality. According to the author, it was perfectly healthy to touch yourself and learn more about your body. Ana paused to reflect on this. She had to admit ever since Christian had touched her down there, she'd wondered what it would be like to feel like that again.

At the same time, she became acutely aware of how much her own culture had created a taboo around everything related to sex. Not only that, but it also frowned upon the idea of experimenting with your own sexuality with cautionary tales of eternal condemnation. That had been the extent of her sex education. Conversations with her peers had been less enlightening, they were mostly full of fantasy and false information, she'd found. Her biology textbook at school limited itself to discussing the reproductive organs and their functions.

Her curiosity, however, was greater than guilt and shame, and it easily won the battle. She continued reading like a woman on a mission, determined to cast her innocence aside.

Her eyes widened when she discovered the many sex toys available. And the idea of using a removable shower head to masturbate. She leaped into action and checked. Sure enough, the thing was removable. Good. It seemed like she was in luck!

Standing under the shower, she set the showerhead a few inches away from her vagina. At first, it was too intense. She was about to give it up when it started feeling REALLY good. She'd found that keeping steady pressure on it was best rather than try to draw circles or go up in down as the website suggested. Soon, the build-up was surging forward, the sensations verging between pleasure and pain. She pressed on and shuddered overcome by a powerful orgasm. Ay, Dios, she breathed. How she wanted this again and again. She gave herself three powerful orgasms and only stopped because it seemed like chasing the fourth orgasm turned out to be elusive.

She turned the water off and quickly dried herself. She lay back on the bed on top of the covers. Still chasing that fourth orgasm, she started touching her clitoris while caressing her nipple with her other hand. She found that low key playful touching worked as long as she applied deep pressure to her nipple, it brought a more mild and yet pleasurable orgasm. Her fingers continued to their way along her inner labia as well as along the sides of her clitoris to the entrance of her vagina.

She raised her brows in surprise at the moisture that accumulated there. So these were the so-called juices that flowed so readily in romantic encounters the romance novels she'd read. She knew the female body produced wetness when aroused but she always assumed the juices referred back to the male sperm.

But now she knew better!

Ana debated with herself. How could something that felt so wonderful be wrong? She'd come this far already in her sex education, she might as well learn everything there was to know. Bringing her index finger to her lips, she saw that it was good, and that there was nothing to be ashamed of.

Having satisfied her curiosity, she shifted to the topic of birth control ( just in case something did happen between her and Christian). Because of what had happened to her mother, Ana believed getting pregnant out of wedlock was the worst fate. From the time she was in 6th grade, however, she'd learned of countless unwanted pregnancies. Invariably, the girls in question seemed baffled. How could this have happened, they bemoaned. It was always the same story again and again. Different names and different faces, same story nonetheless.

In time, Ana came to realize what all the girls had in common. Somehow, they all held on to the same fantasy. Pregnancy. That was something that happened to other people, they thought, and because of this, they acted 'betrayed' when it actually happened to them.

Ana knew better. Her goal in life became to make sure there were no unplanned pregnancies in her future. At all costs, she needed to prevent this from happening. She was smart, she had a plan, and she reminded herself of every time she came in contact with a potential boyfriend. In early teens that meant no kissing. It wasn't until recently that she got wiser. After years of listening to mami's cautionary tales which consisted of avoiding the opposite sex altogether, she'd finally told her what sex was in a hushed mortified tone.

A heavy silence descended. And the subject was never brought up again unless accompanied by an admonition of some sort.

Well, that's easy, Ana thought when she learned the truth. Now more than ever, she was determined she would never, EVER have sex.

Some of her friends teased her and told her she would end up all alone knitting baby booties in her golden years for other people's babies. Ana just laughed, convinced her plan was for the best.

Presently, she kept on reading. The more she read, the more she realized how little did she know about birth control. After much research, she was close to coming to a decision. She liked the idea of getting the depo shot and not having to worry about taking a pill every day. It seemed like the most sensible choice as she wouldn't need to worry about missing a dose.

Next thing, she was dialing the doctor's number. Even though it was the weekend, the doctor's office had an answering service. The woman on the other end of the line was happy to book her for her appointment but Ana hesitated. She couldn't decide without Christian... after all, he was the one driving, unless Mia took her to this appointment. Perhaps it would be best she asked Mia as Christian wouldn't have to miss time from work.

…...

Ana found Mia perched on the couch in the living room reading a Harlequin novel.

"Mia, can you take me to a doctor's appointment on Monday at 2:00 pm?"

Mia shrugged one shoulder. "Sure."

Ana then finished up the call. She was happy she'd managed to make this appointment all by herself without any help whatsoever.

"Is it a good book?" She asked, grabbing a pillow to her chest and sitting beside her.

"It's the best," Mia grinned. "You can borrow it after I'm finished, I only have a couple of pages to go."

While Mia read, Ana daydreamed.

Perhaps her life was turning out to be a bit like a traditional romance novel.

Was she lonely bookworm longing to the live the life depicted in these racy Harlequin novels? She sighed. She'd read a few but none of them were descriptive enough about the sexual act. She was familiar with the vocabulary though, as she'd read a little over twenty of these novels in English.

She'd first discovered the novels when she was fifteen, long before her sex talk with her grandmother. Almost by accident she'd stumbled into this shoddy used bookstore tucked in a corner, away from foot traffic. Its faded sign above the door said: Libreria Americana. Ana was sure she'd struck gold when she discovered it sold books in English. Over the course of the next few months, she'd browsed every section of the store at her leisure, bypassing the classics. In the end, it was the romance section that held her attention.

The Harlequin romance novel selection was huge, three long shelves from top to bottom in the back of the store. Ana spent many hours there reading, previewing them before she purchased them. The novels she read were not very explicit; they were older paperback editions from the 1980s. They were dog eared, the print impossibly small. Ana didn't mind. She devoured them, staying up to read them all night. And she hid them under her pillow so that Mami wouldn't know. They were her guilty pleasure, she couldn't get enough of them.

….

It was Mia's idea that they spend their Sunday taking Ana sightseeing. Seattle had so many beautiful places to explore.

And so they took the underneath the streets of Seattle city tour. The tour guide gave them a brief history of Seattle's past. Christian walked beside Ana, one hand protectively on the small of her back as they wandered through dark underground passages. He was thrilled to see Ana reaching for his hand as they approached a spooky area of the tour.

They emerged shortly after with Mia stopping to examine the three skeletons hanging on a wall surrounded by a flower arrangement. "What's up with that?" She wondered out loud.

The tour guide ignored the comment and dove deeply into a lengthy narrative of the native American culture. "The Salish lived well, they were accomplished hunters but were dependent on the weather and had fierce competition from enemy tribes. The buffalo was a generous provider for the Salish people and yet, unlike common misconceptions, tribal elders were adamant about respecting the buffalo as well as other animals and plants in the community. This picture depicts the coyote as the trickster figure of Salish mythology. He's is foolish and boastful, a hilarious combination as you can imagine. Coyote frequently dies in the course of his adventures, often in humorous ways, but each time his patient friend Fox, by some accounts his brother, restores him to life."

Ana smiled. "That reminds me a little of Coyote and the Road Runner and how Coyote gets killed and yet he keeps coming back again and again."

"Except that in this case, the coyote of the Salish legends is often a well-meaning creature who usually acts for the good of mankind."

"Interesting," Ana mumbled. "I'm interested in reading these stories."

"You can pick up a book at our gift shop at the end of the tour," the tour guide quickly offered.

Ana followed Christian's gaze as he looked up at the blue skylights on the ceiling dating back to the 1800s. It was cool to see people walking above at street level from down below this underground area.

After the tour was over, they stopped by the gift shop and picked up a few souvenirs. Christian bought Ana an American Indian legend book which featured the coyote called Salish Myths and Legends.

"You two are quite the lovebirds," Mia observed coming right behind them, smiling. Christian was standing close to Ana peering over her shoulder as she flipped over the pages of the book.

Upon hearing that, Christian suddenly pulled the book from her hand and placed it somewhere on the shelf. In the next moment, he pulled her into her arms and kissed her squarely on the lips. Ana responded by returning the kiss and wrapping her arms around his neck. The kiss literally took her breath away and left her weak in the knees.

"What was that about?" Ana asked when Mia was out of earshot.

"We're supposed to be newlyweds, remember?" He said with his arms resting possessively around her waist.

Ana narrowed her eyes. So this was all for show? For Mia's benefit? "Thank you, Christian, for bringing us here," she said deciding to ignore that. "It was fun."

"I enjoyed it too," he grinned back. "I love spending time with you like this...low key, no pressure."

"No pressure, huh?" She nodded pointedly. "That explains everything."

He raised one brow. "Explains what?"

"Your commitment phobia. In Cuba, we have a name for guys like you who like to flirt but then run away, 'echan pila'," she murmured half-playful, half-serious.

Christian stared at her intently for a long time. "In America, we have a saying I like: true love does not demand, it waits."

Ana looked over at Mia who was now standing at a corner of the store furiously texting. ""I don't think that's exclusively American. Actually, I think that's a slogan used to promote sexual abstinence," she said with the tiniest of smirks.

"That's not the point," he countered, doing his best to remain cool and collected but it was becoming increasingly difficult. This woman was infuriating. Maddening. Irritating as hell. "True love waits. That means that it takes time for a love relationship to develop." There, he thought. Who could possibly argue against that?

"Fine. Then, in that case, it goes both ways, doesn't it? I don't pressure you but then you can't pressure me either," she replied proudly, amazed at herself for coming up with a clever comeback so quickly.

"Me? Pressuring you? Christian cocked his head, half-amused. "And how is it that I'm doing that?"

Ana looked furtively around her before answering. "You know...sex?"

"So you want me to stop pressuring you?" he chuckled low in his throat. "With sex?" he murmured, his mischievous tone especially designed to make her blush.

Feeling her cheeks redden, she once again looked around her, making sure they were not being overheard.

"I think I've been a 'good' boy in that department. If you haven't noticed, I've been sleeping in the guest room for a few days now." The minute he said the last sentence, he regretted it. It made him sound like a whining fool. And right now, all he cared about was winning this...whatever the hell it was they had going on.

Ana looked away, half-annoyed, half mortified. She missed sleeping next to him so much but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"So you got nothing to worry about, sweetheart... there will be no more 'pressure' coming from me any time soon," he replied more harshly than he intended, the intensity in his tone surprising her.

RESPONSE TO REVIEWS:

GUEST ( OCT 3 ) : I used your comment about Ana being un-American in this chapter. Yes, I also love Ana's strong values. I wrote this chapter thinking I needed to show exactly where Ana was coming from and the cultural messages she received when she was growing up.

Vnss: I got a double review from you! I'm glad that FF is back to allowed two from the same person ;)

JB: Like most readers, you also thought that Mia is up to no good except that you also acknowledged her good side. I think it's important to keep this in mind as you read.

Swimming: Thanks for reading and commenting. Yes, Mia is a bit klepto, it's a bit more than just shop lifting.

Dseiladmnd: Your comments heavily influenced the writing of this chapter ;) Baby steps, yes, that's what makes the most steps for them considering Ana's age and her innocence and her old-fashioned values.

GUEST (Oct 9th): Your comment about Mia being a childishly open and yet sweet stayed with me. I wonder if there are others that share this view?

Hummergirlnv: Interesting. Well, I hadn't planned any ex's coming back drama. I'm big on that, but I suppose I could if I had a good reason although I don't see that happening in this story. Still, I probably should refrain from saying never as I never know exactly where a story might take me especially because I write one chapter at a time and take a lot of my ideas from readers.

Ajal2007: :D Thanks so much for the huge compliment!

Dimka's Chick, Sgtbm & Zeeulove: What can I say? It's going to take a little longer, so stay tuned!

EVERYONE:

Most of you thought that Mia was bad news and that she wasn't going to give the hair clip back to Ana. More on Mia later on and whether Ana is going to tell Christian.

This is all I have for now.

If it takes me a while to come back it's because I'm still stuck. Please bear with me!