Chapter 31

Jennie

"You met Kendall?" Rosé's mouth hung open, and Jisoo's face mirrored hers.

"Yep." I sighed. "Almost fell right onto her feet, literally."

"What the hell was she doing there, anyway?" Jisoo scoffed.

"She was a season ticket holder, apparently they get an automatic invite to the dinner." I reached over my kitchen island and grabbed a handful of grapes. "Pearl was there too." I directed my attention to Rosé. "The cake lady, she's so sweet."

Rosé stared in space, processing what I'd just told them about the charity event and running into Blaire … again. I hadn't been completely silent like the last time she verbally assaulted me, but I also wasn't as strong as I wish I could have been. My brain was going 100 mph, too busy thinking about all of the things she was spewing, and trying not to puke. Was I really just a summer fling? Lisa seemed so much more sincere than that. I'd turned her down in the beginning, but instead of giving up and moving on to another girl, she came back and made me change my mind. If she wanted Kendall so much, why do all that? Why not just go back to her?

"What are you thinking about, Pooks?" Jisoo's eyes looked at me sympathetically.

"Nothing." I tried to fake a smile, but it was no use with these two. They knew me better than anyone, as evidenced by the skeptical glares they both gave me in return.

I sighed, "I just can't get what she said out of my head, the summer fling thing." I frowned and shook my head. "I went into this trying to be cautious, but Lisa has this way of blasting right through my walls and making me feel things that I was never sure I'd feel again. I always thought one day I'd marry and assumed I'd be happy, but with her it's different—I'm way more than happy. She makes me laugh, she makes me think, she makes me want … more out of life. When I'm with her, I'm totally drunk on her and nothing else matters."

Tears escaped Rosé's eyes as her and Jisoo gawked at me.

"Oh my God … you're in love," Jisoo said flatly, while Rosé grinned and nodded like a bobble head next to her, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"I am not. I'm just confused." I groaned. "Trying to decide whether to pull the chute now or wait it out."

"What's your gut tell you?" Rosé asked.

"This is Jennie we're talking about, you know she's gonna run," Jisoo spat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I glared at Jisoo, not liking her accusatory tone.

"That's what you do, Jennie. Ever since I've known you, you've always waited for the worst to happen in every situation," she said calmly. "It got worse after Kai left. The minute he was out the door, you closed yourself off and now you run the minute things start to get real."

"That's not true!" My hands started shaking as my tone grew louder.

"Oh, really?" She raised her eyebrows as she challenged me. "What has Lisa done to make you jump ship?"

I sat silent, looking from Jisoo to Rosé, hoping she would step in and defend me, but she was clearly on Jisoo's side with this.

"Exactly … nothing," she continued. "You're letting those two bitches get into your head about Lisa and it's ridiculous. Seems to me that Kendall still wants Lisa, but she clearly has no interest in her. Why on Earth would you believe those skanky hoes over Lisa?"

Rosé's gaze whipped toward Jisoo. "Did you just say skanky hoes?"

"I don't know." I ignored Rosé, fingering my silver necklace.

"You do know but you don't want to say it, so I'll say it. You're scared." She tilted her head to the side and waited for me to argue, but I couldn't. "I'll continue … you're scared because while you didn't plan for it, you've fallen for this one, head over heels. You're in love with her and that's a good thing, Jennie, but you don't see it like that."

"She's right." Rosé finally spoke up. "It is a good thing. Lisa seems like a great person and more than that, she seems just as crazy about you. Why would you end that?"

"Because Jennie thinks she's not worthy of her."

My head snapped up at Jisoo, tears stinging the corners of my eyes.

"You think that because your dad left, and Kai left, that Lisa will too, and that's not necessarily true." Jisoo came around the island and pulled my hands in hers, looking straight into my eyes. "Are you gonna marry her? Who knows? But you can't keep pushing people away because you're too scared to get hurt again."

"Kai was a dick, Jennie." Rosé's eyes were glossy, but loving. "His reasons for leaving were his issue, not yours. You did nothing wrong. Same with your dad. Stop thinking it's you."

My stomach rolled, this conversation was too much. I needed air.

I pulled my hands free from Jisoo's and rushed to the French doors at the back of the house.

"You running again?" Jisoo called after me, freezing me in my tracks. "You don't like what you're hearing so you're gonna go? I'm not at all surprised. This is exactly what we're talking about, Jennie. Stop running!"

My knees buckled as I dropped down on the couch, pulling my hands over my face and crying. Hard.

Rosé rushed to my side, pulling me in for a tight hug. "That's enough, Chu, she gets it."

"I don't think she does, Rosé. She's gonna blow the first good thing that has come into her life in a really long time—and for what? For Blaire? For her dad? For Kai?"

I barely heard Jisoo's words over my sobs.

"It was so hard, Rosé," I wailed in her arms. "I don't know why he left; I don't know what I did. I fought like hell, but I couldn't keep my family together. It gutted me. I can't do it again, not with Lisa."

I sat up and wiped my hand on the sleeve of my hoodie, not caring one bit that I looked like a feral animal.

"Here." Jisoo walked up and handed me tissues.

"I know you're right, Chu," I muttered once I calmed down. "I know I run, I don't know what else to do." Tears continued to stream down my face as I desperately searched both of their faces for answers.

"What if you stayed?" Rosé asked sweetly as she reached over and brushed my messy hair out of my face.

"What if she leaves me?" I asked out loud, even though it hurt like hell to say those words.

Jisoo sat on the other side of me and put her arm around my waist. "Then we egg her house."

A tiny laugh simmered in my stomach, building slowly until I couldn't hold it in any longer. "She lives in a condo, with security." I sniffed.

"There are ways around security, you just leave that to me." Jisoo batted her eyelashes at me and flashed an exaggerated smile. "But … why are you worrying about what hasn't happened yet?"

"Because she lives on the Catastrophe Cliff," Rosé said nonchalantly.

Jisoo and I both spun toward her. "The what?" Chu asked.

"Catastrophe Cliff," she repeated. "Tommy and I learned about it in counseling. Basically, it just means that you are always on edge, waiting for the worst that can possibly happen to actually happen, though more than likely it never does."

"Oh my God … she hit the nail on the head, Jennie. That's exactly you!" Jisoo's eyes were wide. "Except you don't just hang out on the edge of the cliff, you built a fucking house there!"

"Wait…" I turned my attention back toward Rosé, "Why are you and Tommy in counseling? You two are the most normal couple I know … no offense, Chu."

"None taken, it's true." Jisoo smirked.

"Premarital counseling. We like going there to talk our stuff out, so we're gonna continue even after the wedding."

"Okay, can we talk about the wedding for a while, please?" I sat up straight and cleared my throat. "We only have a few days left, enough about my issues for now. Let's figure out what we still need to get done."

The rest of the evening was full of pizza, nachos and gabbing … the best impromptu bachelorette party ever.