Chapter 37

Jennie

Jane's body looked tiny and fragile lying so still in that big hospital bed. Her head was wrapped in white gauze to keep her wound sterile, an oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth and her little arm had an IV sticking out of it. Purple bruises were already forming on the right side of her face, sprinkled with a few scrapes. It gutted me to see her like that; I wished more than anything it had been me in that lake instead of her.

Someone knocked softly on the door.

"Can I come in?" my mom whispered as she peeked her head in the room.

"Yeah, come on in," I said, relieved she was here. "She's still out."

My mom gasped and froze when she walked through the door and saw Jane. "Oh my God," was all she muttered, her eyes watering as she pulled her hands up over her mouth.

"She's okay, Mom." I smiled reassuringly.

"It's hard to see her like that." Her voice was shaky.

"I know."

She walked over and pulled up the other chair next to me, not taking her eyes off Jane. "What did the doctors say?"

"They did the CT scan. She has a bad concussion, plus the gash on her head." I sighed, thinking about how yesterday at this time we were hula hooping in the backyard without a care in the world. Crazy how fast life can change. "The doctor said he doesn't think she got hit head on, that maybe she was under the water when it happened."

Mom's head whipped around to face me. "What do you mean?"

"He thinks she happened to go under the water seconds before she was hit, the bruising on her shoulder is even worse. Had she been all the way above water, it could have been … really bad."

Mom looked back at Jane and closed her eyes. Her lips moved but no sound came out; I knew she was praying.

"Anyway, they are definitely keeping her overnight, maybe for a couple nights. It all depends on the swelling in her brain. They'll do another scan tomorrow."

"Will there be any permanent damage?" she asked hesitantly.

"They don't think so, but we won't know for sure until she's awake. The doctor thinks she'll be just fine in a few weeks."

She reached over and put her hand on mine, squeezing it. "Thank God."

Indeed.

"How is Ruby?" I asked.

"She's okay." Mom smiled at me and tried her best to sound normal. "Lisa got her a grilled cheese sandwich and some apple juice. Honestly, she's loving all the attention out there. Everyone is falling all over her."

"Who's everyone?"

"Oh … Fred, Shae, Lisa and her parents."

"Lisa's parents?"

"Yep, they got here a little while ago, and they're wonderful. I'm not surprised by that though, Lisa is pretty wonderful too." She smiled at me.

"Yeah, she is." I sighed. Blaire's voice rang loud in my head, reminding me that she'll never actually be mine.

What was I thinking kissing her in the waiting room? Clearly my emotions are clouding my judgment.

Another knock on the door.

"Come in," I called out.

The door slowly opened and a petite woman in her mid-fifties stood in the doorway, wringing her hands. I knew exactly who she was by her expressive eyes. Mom and I stood up as I reached down and smoothed out my t-shirt, suddenly panicked. I didn't want to meet her like this. I had on sweats, a blood stained t-shirt, ugly hospital booties with rubber bottoms, and no makeup. I'm sure my face looked red and puffy, like the Kool-Aid man, from crying all day.

"You must be Jennie." Emotion overcame her as she fought back tears. "I'm JoAnn Manoban." She unexpectedly pulled me into a hug, which felt amazing. I gladly returned the embrace.

"It's so nice to meet you. Lisa has talked about you so much, I feel like I already know you."

"I'm gonna step out so you guys can chat for a bit." Mom smiled as she stood up and quickly made her way to the door.

"Here, sit down." I turned and sat on the couch while she pulled up the chair across from me. "I'm sorry about how I look. Probably not a very good first impression."

Reaching out, she grabbed my hand in her own. "Jennie, you have been through more today than I've been through in twenty-seven years of being a parent. Trust me, I'm not judging your appearance."

I liked her a lot. She was warm and friendly and immediately felt like a friend. "I feel bad that we're meeting like this at all. I assumed our first meeting would be over lunch or dinner." She paused for a minute and looked over at Jane. She swallowed, taking it all in. "How's she doing?"

"Okay, they still have her sedated. Trying to let her brain heal a little before they bring her out."

"Being a mom is tough, isn't it?"

"Very."

"There's a saying … I don't remember it exactly, but something about how having kids is like allowing your heart to walk around outside of your body. It's so true." She shook her head in amazement.

"Absolutely," I said, staring at Jane, looking for any small movement. "Except right now, I don't feel like my heart is beating at all, it's inactive. It won't beat again until she's awake and smiling at me."

She reached over and squeezed my hand.

"Oh, I almost forgot-" she paused and dug for something in her purse. She pulled out a plastic bag and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said, confused.

"Lisa got them in the gift shop, asked me to give them to you."

I peeked into the bag, breaking out into a huge grin when I saw the light blue fluffy hospital slippers.

"She tried to find you flip flops, but this is all they had."

Lisa's constant fuss to take care of me made me feel something I'd never really felt before … special. Most girls swoon over things like diamonds and fancy cars. For me, all it took was shampoo and hospital slippers.

"She's very sweet. You've raised a great woman." I smiled at her.

"She is great, I agree, but this new side of her, this attentive side is something I think was brought on entirely by you."

My head snapped up at her. "Me?"

"Jennie, she talks about you and the girls constantly. I know I just met you, but I feel like I already know you. You've made such an impact on her in such a short period of time. It's remarkable. You've changed her life."

I'd cried so much today that I didn't think my body was capable of making more tears, but there they were, threatening to fall again. "She's changed mine too," I said, staring down at the slippers through my blurred vision.

"Knock, knock." Lisa pushed the door open slightly. "Can I come in?"

JoAnn smiled at her daughter and waved her in. "Of course, honey."

She walked across the room and sat down on the couch next to me, resting her arm along the top. I could tell she was giving me space and waiting for me to give her the okay, but that wasn't gonna happen.

She stared straight at Jane, clenching her jaw. "How is she?"

"She's okay, still sedated."

Her head turned and her eyes bore into mine. "They still have her sedated?"

"Yeah," I nodded slowly, "it's normal though, don't worry. They're just giving her brain a break."

"How about you? Do you need a break?"

"Me?" My eyebrows shot up. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Jennie, you've barely left the room since we got here this morning and it's almost dinnertime. When was the last time you ate, got some fresh air?"

I stared at Jane; the thought of leaving her like this was too painful. "I can't leave her, not yet."

"Jennie? If I may, honey, you said yourself, they have her sedated … why don't you go get something to eat and step out for a bit? Might do you some good. I'll stay here with her until you guys get back." JoAnn's lips curled slightly into a tight, reassuring smile.

Lisa stood and held her hand out to me.

I was too tired to argue.

"I'll just be gone a few minutes," I said to JoAnn who stood to hug me again on our way out.

"No problem, honey. Take your time."

Lisa and I started toward the waiting room when I froze.

"Wait." I looked down at my blood stained t-shirt. "Is there another way down to the gift shop? I don't want Ruby to see me like this."

"We'll find one." She pulled me the other direction.

We weaved our way left and right through empty, white hallways until we finally found the lobby.

"Thanks." I smiled up at her and gently tried to pull my hand back, but she squeezed me tighter.

"Don't."

I wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around her and just be, but she wasn't mine, she never would be, and holding her hand just made things harder.

I sighed. "Lisa-"

"Not today." She cut me off. "We're going to talk soon, but not today. Today I need to hold your hand as bad as you need to hold mine, so just don't."

A few minutes later, we walked out of the gift shop and headed toward the cafeteria. I was sporting a brand new light pink "World's Greatest Aunt" t-shirt.

We didn't talk, just shuffled hand in hand through the hallway. At that moment I was so drawn into myself, deep in thought about everything that had happened, Lisa was my lifeline to the outside world. She apologized when I bumped into people as she led me to a table in the back of the cafeteria.

"Sit down, I'll be right back." She ordered gently.

I sat and quietly looked down at the wood laminate table fully aware that people were staring—either at Lisa or the depressed girl she walked in with—and I was in no mood to return fake smiles.

She returned a short time later and sat across from me, setting down a turkey sandwich, a salad, a banana, chocolate pudding, a bag of Cheetos, a bottle of water and chocolate milk.

I frowned and looked up at her. "How hungry do you think I am?"

"I don't know," she shook her head, smiling slightly, "I just wanted to make sure you ate something."

We were quiet while I ate, but it felt like a big, white elephant was sitting at the table with us. She said we weren't going to talk today and I appreciated that. I didn't think I could form a sentence that made sense, nor did I have the will to push her away again. I felt so weak that had she said one sweet thing to me, I would've caved and lost myself in her arms.

I nibbled at the turkey sandwich and ate half the banana while she devoured everything else. We threw away the garbage and walked back up to the waiting room in silence. I was so anxious to wrap my arms around Ruby; I was almost jogging. As soon as I saw her, I dropped to my knees as she threw her arms around my neck, knocking me back.

Trying hard to remain strong and upbeat, I couldn't help the few tears that escaped. I sat cross-legged on the hospital waiting room floor with Ruby curled up in my lap for several minutes, just feeling her breathe and smelling her hair. I wanted to run in that room, scoop Jane up and hold her just like this.

"Mommy, when does Jane get to come home?"

The knot in my stomach grew. "I'm not sure, baby. We have to wait and see what the doctor's say, okay?"

"Can I go see her?" she asked.

I looked up at Lisa, whose eyes went wide as she shook her head back and forth slightly.

"Oh, baby. She's resting right now, she can't talk back to you."

Her head snapped up to look at me, "I know, Mom, but I want to talk to her. Please?"

I never had a sibling so I would never understand that bond they had, and being twins only made that bond stronger.

"Okay," I sighed, "come on."

"Is that really a good idea?" Lisa asked nervously.

I shrugged, "I have no idea."

We walked through the automatic doors as I silently prayed for a nurse to stop us and say that Ruby wasn't allowed in. No one did, they just gave us sympathetic smiles as we walked by. We got to Jane's room, and Ruby reached up and held my hand, squeezing it tightly.

"You're sure you want to go in here?"

She nodded and Lisa put her hand on her shoulder.

I pushed the door open and watched Ruby's face closely as she took in her surroundings. Her brown eyes were wide as they darted around the room, finally settling on her sister. My mom and JoAnn stopped talking and stared at Ruby.

Ruby looked up at me. "Can she hear me?"

"Yep, but she can't answer you. Wanna sit next to her?"

She nodded again as I lifted her up onto the foot of the bed next to Jane. Her eyes inspected every inch of her sister, from the IV to the dried blood in her hair.

"Does that hurt?" She pointed to the IV.

"Nope." I tucked a piece of her hair behind her tiny ear.

This time she pointed to the oxygen mask on Jane's face, "Does that hurt?"

"Not at all."

"I bet those hurt." She stretched, trying to see the staples in Jane's head.

"Those probably would have hurt, but she was asleep when they put them in, so she didn't feel it. Her head will probably be sore when she wakes up though."

Ruby paused, "Is she gonna wake up?"

Her question sent me into a tailspin. My chest grew tight and I couldn't breathe, The room felt like it was spinning so fast, I couldn't focus my eyes on any one thing.

"Whoa, whoa. You okay?" Lisa reached out and grasped my shoulders.

"Yeah, I just feel a little woozy," I panted.

"Come sit here, by the window," my mom said, jumping up as JoAnn reached behind them and cranked the window open slightly.

I leaned my arm on the windowsill and rested my head on it, taking slow, deep breaths of the fresh air that blew inside. The conversation behind me turned into mumbles as I blocked it out, concentrating on nothing but breathing.

"You okay?" JoAnn gently rubbed my shoulders.

I looked up at her and cracked a small smile. "I think so. This day has just been … overwhelming."

"I'm sure it has." She sat down next to me. "I think we're gonna get going—if you don't need anything else?"

"No, I'm good." I pulled her in for a hug. "Thank you for coming. It means so much to me."

She squeezed back, tight. "Oh, honey. No problem, I wish there were more we could do."

"I think we're gonna go too." Mom walked up. "I need to get Ruby home to bed, it's been a long day for her."

I hugged my mom and scooped Ruby up in my arms, covering her face with kisses. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. If Jane wakes up, tell her I'm not mad at her for getting her blood on my floaties."

I chuckled. "Okay, baby. I'll tell her."

Mom, Ruby and JoAnn made their way to the door, Lisa walking behind them. "Thanks for all your help today," I said as I softly rubbed her arm.

She looked surprised. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm just walking them out."

"Oh," my eyebrows shot up, "you're staying for awhile?"

"Or for the night." She laughed. "I'm not leaving you here alone."

I didn't argue, I was glad she was staying with me.

The next morning, my back was screaming at me and my neck was sore. Sleeping on a hospital couch was never comfortable. Ever. I cracked my eyes open as soon as the sun filled the room and peeked at Jane who looked the same. I sat up and stretched, a white blanket slipping off my lap. I didn't even have to think hard about who covered me.

I looked over at Lisa, sleeping on a chair with her feet propped up on the end of Jane's bed. Her hands were locked and resting on her stomach, while her mouth hung open. I didn't even remember falling asleep last night; the last thing I remembered was her asking me if I needed anything to drink.

Slipping quietly into the bathroom, I washed my pale face and pulled a new toothbrush out of the package that was sitting on the counter. I knew who put that there also.

"How's our girl this morning?"

I hurried out of the room and saw Dr. Wagner standing next to Jane's bed. Lisa was sitting up, rubbing her eyes with her palms.

"Good Morning." I walked up next to them.

"We're gonna take our all-star patient for another CT scan, and we'll make our further decisions based on that, okay?"

I nodded, still in a daze as a nurse came in and swiftly unhooked Jane from her machines before wheeling her out the door.

"That was fast." Lisa yawned.

"Yeah, we need good news on this scan." I hugged myself, suddenly cold from nerves.

She tilted her head and brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. "Think positive, I have a good feeling about this one."

I closed my eyes and leaned into her hand slightly.

"You wanna take a shower?" I snapped my head up, trying to keep from making physical contact with her.

She sighed. "Yeah, I'll go quick."

I paced the room nervously while Lisa showered, praying over and over for Jane's body to have begun healing itself already.

The door opened a little while later, Jane's bed rolling through it. The nurse smiled as she pushed her into the room and hooked her back up to her machines.

"It'll be just a few minutes." She offered on her way out the door.

I already knew that, but didn't bother responding.

Lisa came out of the bathroom, freshly showered but wearing the same clothes.

She looked down at herself and shrugged. "Sorry, it's all I got."

I laughed. "Have you seen me? Trust me, I'm not judging you."

"You look brave," she said softly. "You look like a woman whose heart has been ripped open and is bleeding out all over the place, but you're so damn concerned about everyone else, you haven't even bothered to take care of your own wounds."

My eyes stung. "My wounds can wait," I said in a shaky voice.

Dr. Wagner came back in the room. He was a huge man, easily as tall as Lisa and quite built. His black hair had gray speckles around the temples and his Polo eyeglasses balanced on the tip of his pointy nose.

"Guess who's coming off her sleepy meds?"

"Really?" I clapped my hands together as my heart pounded wildly.

"Really, really. Her CT looked good, swelling went down. We'll probably keep her one more night just to watch her, but we're going to wean her off her meds in the next hour. Then it's up to her to pull herself out. Her brain function looks great, no permanent damage."

Tears rolled down my face as I lunged forward and hugged Dr. Wagner.

"Thank you, thank you so much."

He laughed. "Thank her, she's a tough little girl."

I pulled back and looked at Lisa who was wiping her own eyes.

"Okay, Mom and Dad, just hang tight and we'll get this process started in a few minutes." Dr. Wagner said.

"Oh, we're not-"

Lisa reached out and grabbed my arm. "Thank you, Doctor," she interrupted, reaching out to shake the doctor's hand.

Dr. Wagner narrowed his eyes and studied Lisa's face. "You look really familiar. Have you done any acting?"

Lisa smirked and shook her head, giving a quick wave as Dr. Wagner turned and left the room.

She looked at me and wiggled her brows up and down. "Except for when I pretend to be the baby daddy."

I grinned and shook my head, elated that this horrible ordeal was going to turn out okay.