Chapter 13-A Painfully Raw and Honest Preparation at the End of July
Summary: The strategy and preparation leading into the vital council meeting that will decide the fate of the Paramedic Engine.
KMG 365
July 1980 was a pivotal time for Kel Brackett's idea for a Paramedic Engine. He knew the county government was going to hear it on Tuesday, July 29th finally. However, after years of gathering support for enormous ideas, the head of Rampart's ER knew it was essential there was a solid game plan in place. It was this knowledge that spurred the idea of setting up a breakfast strategy session. After several phone calls, the key players were in place. Everyone would meet for breakfast on Wednesday, July 23.
Par for the course, the county was busy the night before the meeting. However, luck and the fireman upstairs made sure that all members of A shift were able to leave work the following day in one piece. The members of the breakfast club arrived at The Brickhouse just after 0830. Greetings were exchanged as they walked inside.
The host looked at the group and asked, "How many?"
Kel, who was at the head of the group, replied, "Reservation for Brackett party of eight."
"Ah yes, Doctor Brackett. We have your table ready; please follow me."
The host led the group through the semi-crowded restaurant to the side room, where a long banquet table was set up. Kel had a large padfolio in his hand as well as several small notebooks. Dixie had a box of ink pens in her purse.
The host smiled at the group. "Jessie will be your server this morning; she will be here in just a few minutes. Can I get you anything to get started?"
Kel smiled, "A pot or two of regular coffee, please."
"Yes, Sir."
The host left, and the group sat down at the table. Kel sat between Joe and Dixie. Chief Moore sat next to Dixie with Stoney next to him. Hank was between Stoney and Johnny, with Roy the final piece of the puzzle.
Chief Moore spoke. "Doctor Brackett, I want to thank you for calling this strategy meeting. After reading over your research, I fully back the idea, and so do my higher-ups."
A collective sigh of relief echoed around the table.
"You're welcome, Chief. Please call me Kel this morning. I called the meeting because I want to make sure we have a firm plan in place for next Tuesday." Kel picked up the smaller notebooks. "Along those lines, I brought notebooks for everybody so that we can take notes on each part of the presentation. If you want, you can script something. However, I think raw is probably the best approach in this situation. Dixie has ink pens for everybody."
Kel and Dixie passed out the pens and notebooks as the coffee arrived In the hands of the server. The group made quick work of ordering breakfast. There was a lot they needed to get done. Sensing the business atmosphere in the room, Jessie closed the door to the side room to give them more quiet and concentration.
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Johnny asked, "Doc?"
Kel smiled. "Yes?"
"Do we have a time deadline for the presentation?"
"As far as I understand it, they have a few things to tackle before we step up. Once we do, the floor is ours until we are done."
Johnny swallowed a long swig of coffee hard. "Thank you." His voice was still professional in front of Chief Moore, but his emotions were evident.
Roy laid his hand on his best friend's neck. "Easy, Junior, we'll get you through this."
"I know…it's just…."
"What is it, Tiger?" Dixie asked with concern in her voice.
"I know there are going to be painful things covered next week. Situations that I know paint the exact need we are asking for, but this is gonna hurt a lot."
Stoney added. "You got that right, Johnny. You know what I keep thinking, though?"
"What's that?"
"As much as it's gonna quite frankly…." Stoney looked at Dixie and Chief Moore, "Miss. Dixie, Chief, please excuse the way I am going to say this. "It gonna quite frankly suck to talk about our losses and near misses; they need to know the dangers we face."
"I know Stoney, and I know we share one of those stories." Johnny took a breath. "I don't know. I guess I was feeling selfish for a minute and let my emotions get to me."
"What do you mean selfish?" Stoney was concerned by his friend's choice of words.
Roy started massaging Johnny's neck again. "Tell 'em, Johnny. I know we had this discussion while you recovered, but I don't think they know."
Johnny coughed harshly as he tried to keep his professional tone. He took another long drink of coffee and looked Stoney in the face. "Doug, when you are the living embodiment of exactly the difference that having an engine and a medic on the scene in the worst spots, it feels like a Ward La France sitting on your chest."
"I'm not sure I follow you, my friend."
"Think about it; if it weren't for Hank and Mike Stoker being there when that rattler had my ankle for lunch, I wouldn't be here right now. The venom made my lips numb on the way in even though I got the IV started; I'd have been toast without the engine crew there."
Chief Moore was stunned. He didn't get the chance to speak as Johnny kept going. "Then the most brutal example is a direct comparison." He sucked in a ragged breath as he continued. "My good friend Officer Drew Burke died from nearly the same injuries I had when that drunk hit me at 0200. The only difference? Roy was on the scene with me when I got hit, and it took us time to get to Drew. Now would that time have made a difference? We'll never know, but when I had almost the same injuries and landed in Joe's hands. I mean, it's too much of a coincidence. He had Kel, and I had Joe."
Johnny stopped as he attempted to take another drink and nearly gagged. The rest of the table was quiet as the brutal honesty of Johnny's comparison struck them.
Roy leaned in and spoke warmly. "Easy, Junior, let your stomach settle before you try to drink anything."
"How…how am I going to do this? I mean if I bring Pam up…that's going to be…." Johnny coughed harshly. "The first time she hears things in detail…I just."
Johnny went quiet to fight himself. The room remained silent as Hank put his hands on his young friend. Finally, Johnny picked his head up again and looked right at Doug and Chief Moore. "I'm sorry, I let my emotions get to me."
Chief Moore spoke before Doug could. "John, I'll be honest with you, son. I've read the comparison that Doctor Brackett wrote up but hearing the pain in your voice. I know it's going to be hell next week, but I want you to know two things."
"Sir?" Johnny was confused.
"The department is extremely grateful you survived both of those incidents. I can see that next week will hurt you a lot, but I promise you we will be there to support you. While I am not sure who Pam is, if she does come, we'll make sure she has the support she needs to get through everything."
"Pam is Officer Burke's widow. He also had a young daughter Emily who is now nearly a teenager."
"Wow, time flies," Hank commented. He blushed. "Sorry, Johnny, keep going."
Johnny smiled lightly. "It's okay; you're right time does fly."
"If you want to invite them up, I don't see the harm in it," Chief Moore said. He turned to Kel. "Do you, Doctor Brackett?"
"No, Chief. In fact, putting a human face on things might help persuade them even more."
"I'll call Pam as soon as we leave and let you know."
KMG 365
Jessie overheard Johnny's last comment as she brought in the breakfast orders. "Sir, we have a phone if you want to make a call from here."
Johnny smiled lightly. "Thank you, but no. I'll make the call from home. It's a long-distance call and one that is going to take some time."
"Okay, if you change your mind, just let me know."
"I will, ma'am, thank you."
Jessie looked over the table. "Does anybody else need anything else?"
"Not right now," the group replied as one.
"Okay, I'll be back to check on you in a little bit."
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Kel let the group eat a bit before the discussion continued. Johnny managed a few bites at first with his mind on the coming phone call.
Kel asked, "Okay, so who wants to lead off the presentation?"
Joe spoke up. "Kel, I think you should since you're research is the first thing they're going to see. Does everybody agree?"
Head nods mixed with verbal affirmations while the group ate.
"Okay, I'll start it. Who wants to go after me."
Chief Moore spoke up. "I will."
Stoney was next. "I'll go after Chief Moore."
Dixie looked at Roy and Johnny. "Alright, boys, who's first?"
Roy and Johnny both took a breath; they knew their part of the presentation was going to sting. Finally, Roy spoke. "I'll go. I know my rescue was more recent, but Johnny's going to need a lot of time. I don' want him to rush on my account."
Kel wrote down the order. He added a special note next to Roy's to mark the surprise he had for his friend. Hank spoke up. "I'll round out everything."
Stoney said, "It'd be nice if we had an idea of the result before we leave that day."
"That's truthfully the only birthday present I want this year," Kel said with a smile.
Chief Moore asked. "What time do we have to be there?"
"The meeting is scheduled to start at ten in the morning. I would say let's meet at city hall at nine-thirty. That way, we have time to find the chambers and settle in before the meeting starts."
"Good idea."
Hank commented. "Thankfully, A shift is off the night before and the night after."
"Remind me to thank the scheduling department for that," Johnny said. "I'll be honest; I don't think I'd have been able to focus the night before."
Chief Moore smiled. "I'll pass on your thank you to them in the morning."
"Thank you, Sir."
The group ate as they made small talk for a little bit. Jessie reappeared with a new cup of coffee as Hank, Kel, and Chief Moore started writing out what they were going to say. Doug, Roy, and Johnny opted to go for the raw approach. After breakfast, the group was stunned to see Joe pick up the bill. They decided to meet at city hall at 0930. They split with good-byes and headed their own ways.
KMG 365
As planned, Johnny followed Roy back to his house. The guys were both glad to see the place was empty.
Roy asked, "Johnny, do you want to call Pam while the house is empty?"
"Please. This isn't going to be easy."
Roy laid a hand on his neck again. "I know it's not Junior. I'll sit right by you as you call her if you want."
"Please."
"You got it."
The duo sat down on the couch as Johnny picked up the phone. He dialed Pam's number from memory. Two rings later, Toby's voice filled his ear. "Hello."
"Good morning Toby, it's John Gage. How are you?"
Toby was surprised. "Doing well, John. How are you?"
"Doing okay. Is Pam there?"
"Yeah, she's right here. Hang on."
"Thanks, Toby."
A few seconds later, Pam's voice filled Johnny's ear. "Good morning Johnny."
"Good morning Pam, am I interrupting anything? Do you have a few minutes?"
"You're not interrupting anything, and we have as much time as we need. What's up?" Pam's voice was full of concern.
"Do you remember the Paramedic Engine program I told you Kel Brackett was working on?"
"Yes."
"County government is finally hearing us out next week. Kel, Chief Moore, Doug Stone, Roy, myself, and Hank are going to get up and talk." Johnny took a deep breath before he continued. "I was wondering if you want to come up in support of us next week."
Pam was not surprised by the question or the emotion behind it. "I'll be there, Johnny. I'm not going to lie, that's going to hurt like hell, but I know Drew would have been there to stand with you, so I will gladly take his place."
Johnny took a breath as he listened. "If you want, you can come up the day before so we can get ready. I'm off the day before."
"I'd like that. Do you want or need Em to come with me?"
"That's up to you guys. I know this is going to hurt like hell. I mentioned that at the breakfast meeting we had, and Chief Moore said they would make sure you guys have support while I am talking."
"I'll let you know."
"Okay."
"What day is it?"
"Tuesday the 29th at 10."
"I'm putting it on the calendar now."
"Okay."
"I have to go for now, but I'll be in touch."
"Looking forward to it, Pam. Love you guys."
"We love you too, Johnny."
The line went dead as Pam hung up. Johnny took a ragged breath as he hung up the phone.
KMG 365
Roy asked, "What did she say?"
"She's coming up here. She's going to talk to Em and see if she wants to come up too." Johnny took a ragged breath. "I know I need to call Brackett, but for right now. I need a few minutes."
"Nobody blames you there."
Johnny looked Roy in the eye. "Are you going to be okay when I get to my stuff?"
Roy took a breath and swallowed hard. "I'll be honest with you, it's not going to be easy to hear, especially your wreck. I know you need time with Pam the night before the meeting, but I need time with you."
"I need time with you too. My head is already spinning." Johnny took a breath. "Would you be okay with going back to the scene of mine?"
"I was thinking of doing that and seeing if Hank and the guys want to come with us so we can all get our minds right that night."
"I like that idea. Why don't we see if we can set that up?"
"Sounds good to me."
The guys spent the next hour making the needed phone calls. Things were set up for Monday night by the time they were done, and Kel knew Pam was coming to the council meeting.
KMG 365
The week before the meeting went quickly. Suddenly it was Monday morning, and A shift was off. Johnny left 127s and headed for Hank's. The Chief had invited everyone, including Pam.
Lauren was pulling a long shift and would stay at Roy's with Joanne and meet the guys in the morning. They knew the guys needed time with each other. Marco's mom was also going to the meeting but would meet the group in the morning. Jamie was staying at Kim and Jerry's house for the night, so the group would have plenty of room to talk and gather.
Johnny pulled up to Hank's house not long after the host had arrived home. He was followed minutes later by Roy, Marco, Mike, and Chet. Pam would be up as soon as traffic would allow her. Hank smiled as he stepped out on the front porch and welcomed his former crew to his home. All of the men had their shift bags as well as their dress uniforms over their shoulders. Each one shifted their stuff into their other hand before shaking Hank's hand.
As Hank walked back into the house, Johnny looked him in the eye. "Cap, to say thank you for hosting us today and tonight is an understatement."
The rest of the group nodded in agreement. Hank took a quick breath and sobered. "You're welcome, guys. I knew today and tonight were going to be hell. I figured the best way to get through it is together."
Mike nodded sunnley. "You're right, Cap."
Hank looked over at Johnny. "What time is Pam getting in?"
Johnny looked down as his watch. "She should be on the road now. When I talked to her last night, she said she was leaving her house at seven. I made sure she had the directions to come here."
Roy asked, "Is Emily coming with her?"
"She had to check with her cross country coach because she's supposed to have her first pre-season meet this week. I'm honestly on the fence about her being there. I know she grew up quickly after losing her dad, but I don't know if I'm ready to give her those details. Hell, I'm not even that comfortable with Pam hearing it, but she wants to be here to stand with us as Drew would have."
"Okay."
The ringing of the doorbell cut off further conversation.
KMG 365
Hank walked over to the door and opened it. He smiled when he saw Pam standing at the door with her bags in hand. Emily was not with her.
As Hank opened the door, Pam smiled. "Good morning, Hank."
"Good morning, Pam. Johnny was just talking about your conversation last night."
"Oh?" Pam asked as she walked in the open door.
Johnny heard her voice and walked over to greet her. "Good morning Pam."
"Good morning Johnny," Pam said with a slight smile.
Hank spoke up. "Pam, I'll take your stuff and put it with the others for now. I'm going to get some coffee going when you guys want some."
"Thank you."
Hank smiled as he gathered Pam's belongings and walked away. Johnny and Pam embraced tightly. It was clear from the strength of the hug that both of them needed it.
Pam took a breath and spoke without letting go of Johnny. "Have I missed anything?"
"No, we were just getting settled in."
"Good." Pam hugged Johnny tightly again. "I am so proud of you guys doing this tomorrow, but it's going to hurt."
"I know." Johnny took a deep breath. "That's why we are all here. These guys need to face a few things to get ready to hear them tomorrow."
"Are they going to come with us?"
"I'm going to see who wants to come with us because I don't think either of us wants to drive for a bit after we go see him."
"Yeah no."
"I take it Em had practice."
"She does tonight and tomorrow. She did give me a couple of messages for you."
"Yes?"
"She said to remember Drew is always with you. She's going to run for both of you the next couple of days and to focus and get this thing passed."
"That's our plan," Johnny said with a husky voice. "I owe her a run."
"She'll be glad to hear that."
Pam and Johnny broke apart. Both walked through the house and met the group in the kitchen. She was welcomed with warm smiles and hugs. Johnny was greeted with coffee and a knowing nod.
KMG 365
After a light breakfast, Hank looked at the crew. "How do we want to do this today?"
Mike answered. "How about we start with your speech and go from there?"
"Okay." Hank's nerves were evident. He looked over at Pam. "Are you okay with waiting a bit to go see Drew?"
Pam nodded. "I am. May I ask a favor, though?"
"Anything."
"Will somebody else drive, please? I know Johnny, and I could get there, but I don't think we'd be any good to drive away."
Mike nodded. "Oh, we were never going to let either of you drive today."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Roy's voice was husky. "At some point today, there is one other place I think we all need to visit."
The group nodded as the air became thick with emotion. Mike was the first to find his voice again. "I have a driver set up for that later today, like after dinner time."
"Who?" Marco asked with curiosity in his voice.
"My engineer Dom is going to come over. We are not going to be far from where he lives, so he offered to drive and let us take care of what we need to get ready for tomorrow."
"Remind me to thank him with some good food on our next shift," Hank said with a tight smile.
"Will do," Mike said with a smile.
"Come on, guys, let's go back to the living room."
"Okay, Cap." The group got up and followed the nervous man into the living room.
Hank's nerves were so noticeable that Mike walked up to him and said. "Hank?"
Hank looked over. "Yes, Mike."
"Take a breath. We are all here for each other to lean on."
Hank took a breath and hiccuped. "I know Mike, but you know me. I want to be everybody else's rock."
Johnny heard the comment and walked over. "We know Cap, but goodness knows we've all leaned on you throughout the years. Lean on us tonight and tomorrow."
"Thanks, Johnny."
"You're welcome."
Johnny and Mike sat down. Hank stood in front of his television facing the rest of the crew and looked around. To a man, each one nodded their silent support. Pam added her nod as well.
One more breath, and he started. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen; let me start by thanking our esteemed hosts for letting us make our presentation today. My name is Hank Stanley. I am currently the Chief of Battalion 14 with the Los Angeles County Fire Department. My experience with the paramedic program began the day I started as a Captain at Station 51 when I was introduced to the A shift paramedics Roy Desoto and John Gage. Throughout the seven years, I was their captain. I saw them save people from situations that just months before the program was introduced would have been fatal."
Hank took a breath. "I saw the importance of the engine and medics working together as we transported several cardiac cases. While the engine was flying through the streets, they were actively working on a patient and saved most of those cases. Yes, it was also the engine that transported Johnny after his snake bite."
Hank took another breath. "One other story to paint the need for this program happened at our station. After dinner, the men and I were relaxing when a young woman brought her elderly father to the station because he wasn't feeling well. I don't have a medical background, but I could tell it was a more serious case, and unfortunately, I was right. As the gentlemen started across the station to go to the bathroom, he collapsed from a heart attack."
"Now, all of our engine crews are given some first aid training and CPR. However, CPR was unsuccessful when it was first started. I doubt the man would have survived if it wasn't for the squad being at the station. They had the medications and equipment to save him where mere CPR would have failed. As you consider our proposal today, I will leave you with an important question to consider. What would you want if it was your family member who had passed out at the station? Would you want a regular engine crew that has minimal training or a paramedic crew that has a fully-trained medic on board with the proper medications and equipment?"
One last breath and Hank finished, "With that, I want to thank you once again for listening to our presentation. We look forward to hearing your decision soon."
Hank went quiet. The room was silent for a few moments before Roy spoke. "Hank, I have to be honest with you; that is the most powerful way to finish tomorrow that I can think of." The others nodded. "I only have one request for you."
"Yes?"
"Don't change a word."
Hank smiled, "I can do that."
Marco smiled, "Thank you,"
KMG 365
The group started to relax a little bit to give Hank some time to settle down. After a little while, Pam began to get antsy. "Hank?"
"Yes?"
"Do you mind if we go see Drew for a while? I'm sorry. I know I said I could wait, but…."
Hank smiled warmly as he cut Pam off, "No apology needed, Pam. I just want to let you know something before we go."
"Yes?"
"Even though there is a group of us going, please don't rush yourself. Please take all the time you need with him, whether it's by yourself or with Johnny."
Pam swallowed before she spoke with a husky voice. "Even if that means a few hours?"
"Even if it means a few hours. "
Pam walked over and hugged Hank with the same strength she had given Johnny. Hank held her warmly until she calmed down. While they waited, the others got ready to go. They were going as a group. Once Pam calmed down, she stepped into the bathroom. Hank and Chet loaded a few drinks and other items into Chet's van. It had been recently overhauled to take care of all of the mechanical issues.
KMG 365
One by one, the group climbed into the van with Pam sitting in the second row between Chet and Roy. Johnny was behind the wheel with Hank in the front passenger seat. Pam had a few things to place on Drew's grave at her feet. The radio was on low, but on for now. The group was quiet as they road through town with Johnny driving. He knew many routes to their destination.
As Johnny pulled into the cemetery, Hank reached over and shut the radio off. Rote memory led Johnny to the perfect place to park. The engine went quiet, and Johnny climbed out. He walked over to the side door and met Pam after being helped out of the van by Chet.
Johnny's voice was respectfully low, "Do you want to see him first, or do you want me to come with you?"
Pam's voice was husky. "I want you to come with me. I can tell by the look in your eyes; you need this as much as I do today."
"S…"
"Don't be."
"Do you mind if Roy comes with us?"
"Not at all."
Johnny turned his head and gave a slight nod to Roy as Pam used her free hand to grip Johnny's hand.
Before Roy caught up with them, Hank stopped him for a quick second. "Take all the time they need. If you need us, just wave."
Roy nodded in acknowledgment and walked away to catch up with Johnny and Pam. Both were walking at a methodically slow pace. As they reached their destination, Johnny and Pam started to shake, overcome by their emotions to cork. By the time he caught up with them, they were halfway to Drew's grave.
Johnny leaned over and brushed the headstone off before he whispered a few things. Pam knelt and kissed the headstone before placing her updated pictures on it. As Johnny knelt to support her, Roy stood behind both of them to ensure they didn't fall. Johnny and Pam embraced as the needed tears fell from the all to fresh flashbacks flooded their minds.
It took a bit, but eventually, Pam settled as she began a silent conversation with her first true love. Rather than calming down, Johnny reached back and gripped Roy's hand. It was a grip that made the older man grimace and secure. He knew his best friend was in pain.
A guttural sound ripped from the younger man's throat as he laid his hand on the headstone. Suddenly words that had been bottled up for four years came rolling out. "Damnit, man, I know I've said it over the years, but I am so sorry. Please, my friend, I know you've been with me through the years. Hell, all I have to do is pick up my green pen to know that, but today I am begging you. Please give us the strength to get through tomorrow. Please give us the courage to show them the honest truth. Let them hear us and understand the impact of this program. God knows we need all of the help we can get. Give me the power to get through this."
Johnny continued as the tears poured without stopping from his eyes, "I know now that personally, you made me survive my impact so I could find Lauren. Now professionally give me the reason help us tomorrow and protect us every day." The final words said with a bowed head as Johnny rocked back into Roy's arms. The older man had knelt to support his best friend.
Even though Roy had not waved them over, Hank and the others quietly made their way over to support their hurting friends. The group stayed in one place for quite a while before Pam slowly stood. Johnny stood with her. The group turned and headed back to the van. All of them had spent quite a bit in deep thought.
KMG 365
As he had often left brutal scenes, Marco reflexively began saying the Lord's Prayer in Spanish as Chet pulled out of the cemetery. After Marco was done, the van went quiet for the rest of the trip. Rather than heading back to Hank's, Chet decided to drive around for a while.
After a bit, Mike looked at his watch and said, "Chet, can we start heading back, so we have some time to eat at least something light before Dom comes over."
"Sure, Mike."
Chet turned the westbound Alameda Freeway, and Johnny and Roy sucked in a quick breath. Pam leaned into Johnny and laid her head on his shoulder. Without realizing it, the curly-haired man was only miles from where Drew was killed.
Pam's plea was almost a whisper as Chet got closer. "When we get to that point, can we stop?"
"Yes," Johnny said in a soothing tone.
A few miles up the road, just west of the Freemont off-ramp, Johnny called out. "Hey Chet, pull over, wouldya?"
Surprised and concerned by the request, Chet pulled over in the exact spot where the rig had stopped the day of the accident.
Hank's voice was full of growing concern as he looked back. Johnny and Pam were pale, and Roy was quite a bit lighter than usual. "Boys, what's going on?"
Roy answered for the trio in a husky voice. "This is where Drew was hit. We parked the squad right where Chet parked. He was a couple of feet in front of our front bumper laying on the ground."
"Aye Dios Mio," breathed Marco.
Hearing the explanation, Chet quickly shut the engine off. The guys unbuckled, prepared to help their friends in any way they could. Pam started crying softly as Johnny swallowed with force, hoping to keep his meager breakfast in place. His voice was almost hollow when he spoke. "His face was bloody, but yet he could see Roy and me and asked how he got the best paramedics in the county. As Roy started working on him, I felt his belly and knew we were in trouble. He…he knew that too."
Johnny swallowed again, begging his voice to come back. Roy handed him an open water bottle which he gratefully drank before continuing. "Even though he knew, his thoughts were on Pam and Em the entire time. I…I let Roy do the work because….I…."
Johnny's voice cracked as the scene came screaming back to his mind. Mike reached over to support Pam while Roy was doing his best to keep Johnny from falling out of his seat. "I…I just couldn't." The defeat was apparent in the hurting man's voice. He fought and held on until he made me promise to tell Pam she was the best thing that ever happened to him. I told him a couple of times that he could tell her, but he insisted on me doing it. When I made the promise, he turned his head and…." Johnny gulped harshly and coughed. The pain in his voice hit the others in the heart as he finished. "Closed his eyes for the last time."
As Johnny finished, Pam let out an almost animalistic noise, then a much-needed rant. "He…he lost his life here all because some old bat wanted to get to her card game. As Vince Howard told me later, I lost my husband, Emily lost her dad, and Johnny lost a good friend over a frikken card game. I knew these guys did all they could and more for him. I will never be mad at Johnny, Roy, Kel Brackett, or anybody else that helped, but Damnit, Drew should be here to fight this fight with you. The little plaque I put on the barrier for the first anniversary should not be there."
She turned and looked at Hank. "Chief, I don't care if you have to hog tie the suits to the back of an engine and bring them here. They NEEEEEED to pass this bill tomorrow. The county needs more men like these two gods in blue on the streets. Johnny once told me he looked at Roy and begged him not to let him become another Drew. Chief, we need to make sure no one becomes another, Drew. My husband lived in and fought for this county every day. Please if for no other reason than his memory please…."
Hank reached over and cradled the pleading woman ins his arms. His own throat was tight as he spoke. "I promise Pam; we will do everything in our power to do that."
"I'll even talk on his behalf if needed, anything."
"I know."
Johnny hiccupped into his fist before he could speak. "Chet, I don't want to get out. I don't know if Pam does."
"No," she answered quickly.
"Okay," Johnny continued. "Chet, can you please sit here just for a couple of minutes?"
"I'll stay as long as you need," the driver said with a solemn tone.
Johnny took a breath and closed his eyes. He silently rattled off a variety of prayers he had not said in years as Roy gently rubbed his neck. The pain in the van started to lift as Johnny finally lifted his head again and shook it to clear his eyes. He turned and gave Roy a quick thank you look before checking on Pam. She had calmed enough she was dozing softly.
Johnny tapped Marco on the shoulder and nodded yes. Marco understood the unspoken request and tapped Chet on the shoulder to let him know it was okay to go. Chet nodded and pulled away from the scene. The rest of the trip back to Hank's was silent.
KMG 365
Pam woke up as Chet shut the engine off in Hank's driveway. She blushed sheepishly. "Sorry guys, I guess that took more out of me than I expected."
Johnny smiled lightly as he saw his friend relax. "Nothing to be sorry about, Pam. Do you feel better?"
"Yes, sorry about the rant back there. It just came spilling out, and I couldn't stop it."
Hank smiled as he helped her from the van. "Don't be sorry; you needed to vent. These guys may be twits at times, but when it comes to bending ears, you can bend any of ours at any time for however long you need to feel better."
"I'll keep that in mind throughout this whole thing."
"Good."
The group walked back into the house. After much-needed bathroom breaks, they settled in to relax for a bit. As the chefs among the gathering, Marco and Mike worked together to prepare a light meal for everyone. With emotions running high, they knew it wasn't a good time for a heavy meal. It was finished just before four and soon enjoyed with a smattering of small talk.
After their light meal, everyone took some time to check their clothes and shoes for the next day. As the sky began the bright hues of dusk, there was a swift knock at the door.
KMG 365
Curious, Hank went to open the door. He smiled lightly when he saw Dom because he knew it was time to face the final elephant for the night. "Good evening Dom, thank you for coming over."
"Good evening, Chief. Thank you for letting me be a part of this."
"Thank you for doing this. Please come in."
Hank opened the door and held it for Dom. "Thank you, Chief."
Hearing his Engineer's voice, Mike walked over and warmly greeted the man. "Hi Dom, thank you for coming."
"Anytime, Mike."
"Do you want something to eat?"
"No thanks, I had something before I left."
"Okay, let me know if you do."
"I will."
"Come on, let me introduce you to the others."
"Okay."
Mike and Dom walked into the living room. Hank stepped into the bathroom as he got ready to go. Mike did quick work of introducing Dom to everyone.
Roy's voice was solemn. "Dom, on behalf of all of us, thank you for doing this tonight. I know where we are heading is a painful location that needs to be dealt with before tomorrow."
Hank walked back into the room as Dom asked. "May I ask you something out of curiosity?"
"Yes."
"What's the background of where we are going? I know that area; it's just an empty lot."
Johnny swallowed hard. "Now it's an empty lot. In 1976, I was hit by a drunk driver at that location at two in the morning. I was putting some equipment back on the squad. We had been called out for a woman down, so all of us went. It turns out she was just drunk and refused care."
Dom rolled his eyes. "Oh, wonderful."
"Yeah, she was peachy," the sarcasm dripped heavily from Roy's voice.
Mike's voice was somber. "Dom, this is not going to be an easy call for us to discuss, but much like Pam and Johnny earlier, we need this."
Dom laid a firm hand on his friend's shoulder. "Mike, I promise you, no matter how long it takes, we can stay until you guys feel better. If you need time alone, Pam and I will give it to you. If there is anything either of us can do, just let us know and consider it done."
Mike took a deep breath. "Thank you, Dom, that means a lot."
Hank looked at his watch. "Guys, we better get going."
Dom asked, "What are we taking?"
Chet replied, "We can take my van. I think it will be the best thing to fit all of us."
"Okay."
Chet handed the keys over as the group made the last bathroom breaks. They headed outside and walked over to the van. Dom climbed in the driver's seat with Mike as his front passenger. Hank and the others took a measure of silent comfort in the setup. The drinks were replenished before the van backed out and headed for its destination. The emotions were running high as each man clearly remembered their worst night as a crew. While it had a been years, the sights, smells, and sounds of that night were still in their minds.
KMG 365
The fact that the sun had begun to set as Dom arrived added to the feeling of the flashback as the call had taken place at As the inky black curtain of night descended upon Carson, the men were grateful they had an understanding driver. While Dom was not at the original scene, he had gone through enough in his career to understand what the men were going to deal with. Thanks to relatively light, early week, traffic Dom made it to the scene in just under thirty minutes from Hank's.
Dom's voice was sincere as the emotions in the van were palpable. "Guys, what can I do?"
Roy's voice was thick yet quieter than usual. "Can you put the headlights on so we can step out for a bit?"
A quick flick of the wrist and Dom illuminated the street. The group was also thankful that the less-than-ideal bar had been torn down recently. The empty lot meant there was a good chance they would not be disturbed by the general public.
After the lights went on, Hank and the others quietly exited the van. Dom and Pam were the last ones out. They wanted some air but stayed closer to the van to give the guys the room they needed.
KMG 365
An acidic taste filled the back of the crew's throats as Roy and Johnny stepped up on the curb. Roy stepped down first and took a few steps forward, shaking his head. The duo looked at each other and knew it was time.
Johnny stepped down as Roy shook his head. Hank called out. "Boys, whaddya got?"
"Just a tripped-out dame. Refused medical care." The frustration was as evident in Johnny's voice as it had been the night of the accident.
The engine crew shook their heads as Roy came to a stop as if he had climbed in the squad. In reality, he was standing just to the right of the left headlight of Chet's van. This was so he could be seen if anyone came down the street.
Johnny walked toward Roy but at a wide-angle as if he was going to put the equipment away. He stopped just in front of the headlight about a foot from Roy with his back to Roy.
The engine crew was on Johnny's right about two feet away. While the Crown had been behind the squad that night, everyone was staying in the beams of the headlights for safety's sake. The crew was roughly the same distance from Johnny they had been that night, with each man standing in the position he would have had on the truck. Mike was on the left with Marco behind him. Hank was on the right, about six inches from Mike, with Chet behind him.
Confused by the engine crew's stance, Pam leaned over to Dom, who had taken a sharp breath when he saw the formation. "Why are they standing like that?" Pam whispered.
Dom whispered in reply. "That was their seat assignments the night of the call."
"Oh my," Pam breathed.
For a split second, the group was quiet. Ironically, a loud tire squeal from a few blocks away echoed through the scene. It triggered the rest of the reenactment.
Mike gagged as he reached up like he was trying to hit the air horn to warn Johnny.
Hank yelled out in a distressed tone, "Johnny, watch out."
Johnny turned sharply on his heel and faced the rest of the group. His eyes went wide in fear as the memory of getting hit by the speeding drunk flooded his mind. A split second later, he fell to the ground on both knees and bowed his head.
"Johnny!" A frantic chorus of voices yelled out as the rest of the men ran towards their friend.
For his part, Dom had to fight his natural response instinct. He realized that Johnny going to his knees was the safest way to reenact the impact without injuring himself. Pam took one step forward before Dom pulled her back. A firm headshake let her know that she had to let the crew go through the pain first before either of them would be helpful.
KMG 365
The engine crew and Roy sprinted toward Johnny, who was on his knees shaking violently, praying that his stomach would stay in place. As each man reached him, they hit their knees, immediately grabbing for their friend and each other. Mike, who had always felt an extra layer of guilt for not hitting the air horn, seemed to grip Johnny the hardest. Collectively the group began to cry as the fear that had filled them that night once again swept over them.
Roy choked out, "Hang on, partner."
Johnny replied in the same choked tone. "With both hands. Don't let me be another Drew."
The man in the middle of the circle bowed his head as he shook. Muttered curses and more tears filled the circle until each man began to feel better. Even Roy and Johnny felt calmer, like they had finally made peace with the scene. The only one who did not seem to calm down in the circle was Mike.
Johnny became concerned with the quiet man's still pale look and gurgling stomach. He slowly turned and took his friend in his arms to support him both physically and emotionally. "Mike, talk to us. Get it off your chest."
Mike gulped and burped, his stomach in knots as he was locked in throws of the same pain he had felt that fateful night. Johnny started rubbing his back while the others laid their hands on the stricken man. "Come on, Mike, get it out of your system. God knows I've screamed quite a bit today. You need to let this go, whatever is chewing on you."
Mike burped again as he prayed his stomach stayed in place. Finally, he took a quick breath, and the pain-filled apology poured out in a strangled, frustrated voice. "Damnit, Johnny, I've had this hidden for years. Damn man, I am so sorry. Shit, if I had hit the air horn when I saw his headlights in my mirror, you'd have time to react, at least jump up on the running board or something. But I froze, do you understand I froze. I failed you. I failed our family because my brain locked up. I couldn't react even though my muscles were screaming, do something, you jackass. I didn't. I froze, and by the time I reacted, you were already in the air."
Mike was shaking violently as Johnny tightened his grip on him. "I failed you, and it damn near cost you your life and us a brother. There are not enough words to tell you how grateful I am you survived or how much the guilt has been weighing on me since the night."
Mike bowed his head as his tears returned in earnest. Hank gripped his shoulders to keep him steady as Chet stepped away from the group to get the suffering man a soda. Johnny gently raised his chin until the two men were eye level with brown staring into smoky blue. "Good grief Mike, why didn't you tell me you felt so bad?"
"I…I didn't want you to get mad at me." Mike stammered.
"Oh jeez, Mike, my friend, you have to understand something; it took me a while to convince Roy of. That night was not your fault. It was nobody's fault but the asshole drunk who used me as a hood ornament. I've never been and never will be mad at any of you guys for what happened that night. I owe all of you my life. If the engine hadn't been here to help Roy that night, I wouldn't be here right now."
"Yo…you're not mad." Mike was still stammering as he wrapped his mind around Johnny's words.
"No man, never have been. Please, if you do nothing else tonight, please leave the pain and the burden you've felt all these years right here."
Chet cracked open the soda and handed it to Johnny. "Take this and let it work for you. Get the pain out any way you need to. I am not, nor have I ever been mad at you. Honestly, right now, all I am is worried about you for the amount of torture you've been putting yourself through."
Mike gratefully took the soda and drank it while Johnny rubbed his back. It wasn't long before the long-suffering man began feeling better.
Johnny watched his friend for a few seconds before he asked, "Do you think you can stand up?"
Mike nodded as he said, "Yes."
Slowly, the group made their way back to their feet. Mike reached out, and Johnny wrapped him in a tight hug. "Hang on until you're ready, Mike. I'm not going anywhere."
The duo was quiet for a few minutes until Mike finally let go. Hank's voice was full of concern. "Feel better, my friend?"
"Yes, and about a hundred pounds lighter."
"Good."
"Sorry it took so long."
"Don't be my friend. We all needed the time."
Roy took a breath before he spoke. "Cap, I think it's safe to say we are finally ready to face tomorrow."
The rest of the crew nodded in agreement. Hank smiled warmly, "Now the only question is, are they ready for us?"
Chet spoke up honestly. "Having been a part of the majority of things being discussed tomorrow, I can honestly say I doubt that highly, but I think that might play in our favor. If they were ready for it, they'd callus themselves to what we have to say, but catching them raw, we're going to see their true reactions."
Marco smiled lightly. "I couldn't have said it any better, my friend."
Hank smiled, "None of us could, Marco."
Emotionally drained yet relieved, the crew slowly walked back toward the van.
KMG 365
Pam greeted each man with a hug before they got a handshake from Dom. Well, everybody but Mike got a handshake. Dom reached out and gave his Captain a knowing hug. As an Engineer, Dom could only imagine what Mike had felt that night. The embrace didn't last long, but long enough for both men to relax before they climbed back in the van.
It was nearly ten by the time Dom pulled back in the driveway. After making sure the group got inside safely, he headed back home. Twenty minutes after he left Hank's, he made the promised phone call to let the guys know he was home safe before going to bed.
After getting Dom's call, Hank looked at his friends and knew it was time. "Pam, boys, we've been through a lot today and have a heck of a battle in front of us tomorrow. I think it's time we get some rest. We can do this a couple of ways, crash in the living room as a group if some are okay with sleeping bags or spread out throughout the house?"
Pam spoke up before the guys could. "Hank, I'll be honest, I'd rather sleep close to somebody tonight. I get a feeling of safety and comfort from this group that I'm afraid would escape me if I slept in my own room."
Johnny said, "I feel the same way."
Hank asked, "What about it, guys?"
"Living room," Marco, Roy, Mike, and Chet answered at the same time.
"Alright, let's get it set up."
The group spent another twenty minutes setting up their sleeping quarters for the night. Johnny brought in a couple of sleeping bags from his Rover to help things. Once camp was put together, the nightly routines began. It was 2300 by the time everyone found their beds for the night. As per custom, Hank was closest to the lamp to signal lights out.
After making sure two alarms were set, in case one failed, the friends said good night to each other as Hank turned out the light. While most of their eyes closed quickly, drained from the emotional day, Hank stayed awake just a few moments longer.
He listened carefully until the men settled into the normal rhythmic breathing patterns that had filled his ears for so many nights for so many years. He heard Pam struggle for an extra moment before her soft snoring joined the others. Finally, he gazed out the window at the moonlit sky and whispered, "Good night, my twits, sleep well. You deserve it." With those final words, Hank drifted to sleep. Admittedly, he was glad they had chosen this arrangement as it helped him settle down fairly quickly.