Fraternising with the Enemy

Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.

"Maybe you guys should go for a walk. You know, to jog his memory a little? You could go to some of the places that you've… visited."

Stupid Tom. Shizuo clicked his tongue. Why did he always follow his advice? Why couldn't he just ignore it sometimes? Because I'm stupid. That's why.

It was incomprehensible to Shizuo that he could be expected to know the places that the flea usually frequented; they only met at random and never for very long. And Shizuo was normally clouded over with rage so not paying much attention to what was going on around him. In the end, he'd picked West Gate Park. This was where they often fought so he guessed Izaya liked the place.

They were now sitting on a park bench in front of the fountain, amongst the salarymen eating their lunches and tourists snapping photos. In this kind of environment, Shizuo felt really out of place, especially with Izaya next to him.

The black clad man hadn't said much, only staring blankly around him at the scenery. It was annoying to Shizuo; Shinra had said that if his memories were going to return, they would come when it was time. Shizuo wanted it to happen now.

"Any of this feel familiar?" It better do.

"No…" Izaya looked so apologetic that it annoyed Shizuo further. It wasn't something to apologise for. The man couldn't really do anything right but that was more to do with how Shizuo viewed him at this point.

"Maybe we should move on somewhere else then." This just felt like a waste of time if it didn't help.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Maybe you should pick."

"I don't really know where I want to go…"

"Tch." He shoved a cigarette into his mouth to quell the rising anger. In spite of the heat, he could see Izaya trembling a little. "Problem?"

"No." Don't fucking shake then.

"Let's go." He sat up suddenly and he saw Izaya nearly tripping over in an attempt to keep up.

It was in the middle of the day so although still crowded, the streets and park were filled with fewer people than there would be in a few hours. To make up for his moods, Shizuo walked at a slower pace than usual so Izaya could keep up without too much effort.

He really didn't know if Izaya ever went there but Shizuo headed straight to the café he and tom usually frequented. He deserved a parfait dammit! More specifically, his favourite, extra-large strawberry. It creeped him out that this annoying creature was just as irritating when quiet as he was when talking.

No. He's not going to ruin my fucking parfait. No fucking way. And with a small grimace, he shoved the spoon into his mouth. This delicious food could still be enjoyed even with bad company. He was halfway through when he noticed that Izaya had only had a couple of spoonfuls.

"Not eating flea?" I paid for that!

"I…I don't think I like sweet things that much."

"You could have fucking said so!" Deep breaths… Take deep breaths.

"I didn't know. Sorry."

"Tch." He stood up and stalked away. He returned a few minutes later with a coffee ice cream. "There." He slammed it down in front of him.

"You didn't need to do that."

"Well I did so shut up." He didn't want gushing and gratitude.

This time he could barely see the spoon as Izaya was practically shovelling it into his gob. It looked more refined than when he ate though.

"How did you know I'd like that?"

"I guessed." Izaya had always seemed like the kind of person who liked coffee; one of the things Shizuo hated.

"And you love sweet things."

"How ever did you guess?"

"Tom told me." He hadn't expected a response to the sarcasm.

"You asked?"

"Yeah… I wanted to know the kinds of things you like."

"Why?" Probably to use to annoy me later.

"So I know what to do for you." …I don't believe that. "Any other things you like?"

"…Cigarettes." That was all he was going to tell him.

"Ok…" Izaya stuck the spoon into his mouth and stared out the window at that passing crowds. By this point, there were a fair few Raira academy kids wandering around in full uniform.

"Those clothes…" Shizuo's gaze returned to Izaya. The Orihara was staring at the passing students. "They look familiar."

"You haven't seen them yet?" They hadn't been outdoors during the times they would be around. Izaya shook his head. "…It was our old high school." He gripped hard, bending the spoon in his hand. High school was not the best of times for him.

"I see…" His wine coloured eyes shifted back to Shizuo, staring at him for an uncomfortably long time.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry." The eyes quickly shot downwards. "I was just thinking about what you looked like. I can't remember so… were you blonde then?"

"Yes…" He had started dying his hair in junior high before he first met Izaya.

"It's dyed right?"

"Why are you always asking me questions about me?"

"I want to know."

"I don't want you to know! I don't trust you!" He could see the hurt in those eyes for just a few seconds and tried not to feel too guilty.

"I understand." Don't understand. Don't be reasonable! "Then can I ask… How did we first meet?"

"At high school."

"Were we in the same class?"

"No." These were questions involving Izaya himself so he wouldn't complain. Yet.

"How did we get to know each other then?"

"…You sent a load of people to beat me up because you heard I was strong. Then I tried to kill you. And you stabbed me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"How often have I stabbed you?"

"Often enough." Izaya thankfully went silent after that.

-Page Break-

Still quiet… Too quiet… Shizuo was glaring at the ground as he walked, trying to ignore the silent figure behind him, as well as the growing sensation of guilt. He couldn't help that Izaya was a bad person and he wasn't going to feel worse for pointing it out.

What's with the shaking anyway? He'd noticed it a couple of times and it perplexed him more than anything else. It was a warm day so it wouldn't be from the cold.

They'd been walking a while, Izaya shuddering occasionally as they went, and Shizuo was just plain tired. He ended up sitting down on the nearest bench. It was a busy street, the skies darkening and street lights starting to switch on. He lit up a cigarette and watched the passing crowds with little interest. He also paid little attention to the man sitting beside him. At first. It was hard to ignore when someone leant against you. Almost as soon as the contact was made, it was removed.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry." Pale… Izaya had always been pale but today he looked practically translucent. And the shaking. And the hunching over.

"What's wrong with you?" Not that I care.

"I feel kind of sick." Indeed, he looked it.

"You're not going to throw up on me are you?" Not on the clothes Kasuka had bought him.

"I don't think so." It didn't sound convincing.

"Why are you so sick anyway?" This better not be insulting my cooking.

"All day… I keep getting headaches. Then I feel cold. Then I feel sick." Shizuo was wondering if this was to do with the head injury. It had been a while ago but he was no doctor.

"Why are you so cold?"

"I really don't know…" Shizuo could see the weird far-off look in his eyes. Along with the strange haunted expression.

…Is this a mental thing? He vaguely knew this could happen. Damn. What do I do about that? Probably he needed to do something.

Shizuo put his arm out and placed it very stiffly around the smaller man's frame. He'd said he was cold so that was something he could do.

"What are you doing?"

"…Warming you up. It doesn't mean anything." Izaya shifted and his body leant up into Shizuo's, taking in the body warmth. For a passer-by, they probably looked like a couple, an idea that deepened Shizuo's scowl. If anyone even looked at him funny, he'd rip their spines out.

The sensation of Izaya shivering lessened over time and eventually he was still. He was also still leant up against Shizuo.

"It's stopped right?"

"I think so."

"Then we can go home." He stood up at such a speed that Izaya nearly fell over.

"Ok… Err… Thanks?"

"Forget about it." Preferably immediately. That was what he had been planning on doing. "Have you been having a lot of headaches?" If Izaya had some kind of physical ailment, he could dump him on Shinra.

"Only when I think about… things."

"Don't fuck with me."

"I mean, when I try to think about the past I guess."

"Oh…" That wasn't a physical problem. "Why?"

"I think I must have read up on this kind of thing because it feels like some kind of anxiety attack… I guess my brain doesn't want to think about some of these things."

"Why?"

"I guess some of it's painful?"

"Does this mean you're forcing yourself to forget?" That little shit.

"Not on purpose." Shizuo grasped Izaya's shirt and swung round so he was now glaring into Izaya's dazed eyes.

"Don't you give me this shit. You chose to do whatever you did so don't fucking run away! I regret a lot of the shit I've done but I'm not forgetting about it. You're being a coward!"

"I am a coward I guess…." This brought about kind of the opposite effect. "I'm not strong like you."

"I'm not strong dammit!" He was so sick of this crap. "Just because I can lift a vending machine doesn't mean I'm strong. I'm tired all the fucking time, I hate being me! But I deal with it because I have to. It's what you have to do so don't start giving me that kind of bullshit!" And, rant over, Shizuo released Izaya and resumed marching. After only a short pause, he heard him start to follow.

-Page Break-

Shizuo was stubbornly staring at the TV and feeling like shit. He'd spilled personal crap to Izaya and had regretted it instantly. It was only lucky that Izaya hadn't said anything.

The Orihara had silently moved to sit next to him. At first Shizuo had tensed up but when nothing had been said, he'd been lulled into a sense of security.

"Do you really hate yourself?" Shizuo felt a cold chill run down his spine. The question was hesitant; apparently he'd been thinking about that a while.

"That's none of your shitty business."

"But-."

"I'm not going to start getting all buddy buddy with you."

"…I like that you don't lie to me. You just tell me how you see it."

"Good for you." I don't need your compliments.

"So I want to know, would you be happy if I wasn't around?" Shizuo stared. "I mean, if I died."

"Why are you asking me that bullshit?"

"I don't really know what I was like but I know I wasn't a good person. I know I've done things I shouldn't have done. The only way I can make up for it is by doing something to help someone I've hurt… And the only one I know is you. So if I died, would you be happy?"

"Just stop talking." He wasn't sure why he wasn't saying yes. For the normal Izaya, he would have offered to impale him. This wasn't Izaya…

"Sorry…" Izaya stood and he could hear him retreating to his room. "You shouldn't hate yourself."

"What do you know?!"

"You're helping me even though you hate me."

"Because I have to."

"You don't… And I appreciate it."

"Whatever." The door slid shut and Shizuo just continued to glare at the TV.