Fraternising With the Enemy

Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.

It would be easy. So, so easy. Izaya steadied himself. Took a deep breath, and finally looked back down at the knife in his hand. It was quite a large knife, mainly used to chop vegetables. But it was also sharp enough to tear through flesh as one of the cuts on his fingers showed.

Shizuo was currently out, having gone back to work for a few hours. Izaya was completely and utterly alone. He was staying in the kitchen because the floor was covered with lino; any mess would wipe off easily.

He wasn't sure exactly how to do this but he was vaguely aware of some methods. The jugular, he knew, would be quick and effective. The blood loss would cut off the supply to his brain and he would end up unconscious in a matter of seconds. Death would be not long after. It would probably be messy though since he had a good idea that a high pressure vein like that would spray everywhere.

The same problem applied to slashing his wrists. He somehow knew how to do this properly but that would involve the bath and would require more problems for Shizuo. Maybe take too long as well. The cleanest way seemed to be a sharp knife in through the ribs, straight into the heart. This way would be painful, but it would do the trick. Pain wasn't something you should be worrying about if you were planning on killing yourself in Izaya's opinion.

I hope Shizuo isn't too freaked out… Then he chuckled a little. He hates me… He'll probably be happy.

Wrapping both hands around the handle of the knife, he turned the point inwards pushing it so it was pressing into the skin. He'd left his shirt back in the bedroom along with his shoes and trousers. He hadn't wanted to ruin them so he'd only left the boxers on. It was perhaps, a little undignified, but the most efficient thing to do.

That's all I think about. Something is seriously wrong with me. If anything, this just solidified his belief that he was doing the right thing. Now it was time to get it over and done with.

The knife had barely penetrated the skin when he stopped. His heart was racing, his breathing was going insane and his hands were shaking. He felt sick, light-headed, and a cold sensation in his skin.

I'm scared… It made sense of course, but it was reassuring to know that he could actually feel human emotion. Izaya gripped the knife tighter, tried to steady his nerves. But it wasn't working. Aside from anything else the trickle of blood down his navel was distracting him.

I can't be distracted. I have to do this. There's no point in putting it off. I need t... I can't. He lowered the knife. I can't do it.

Izaya really wanted to do it. Desperately so. But in spite of his determination, every human instinct was fighting desperately to keep his pathetic self alive.

I guess I can't even do this right. In a sad way it was almost funny. Izaya could barely bring himself to move. He just stood there gripping the knife and staring down at the red stain of blood on its point. Maybe he couldn't do it now but some day in the near future, he would be able to finish the job.

Such was his concentration that he was barely aware of any noises outside of his head. Because of this, the first hint he got of Shizuo's presence was a voice, less than two metres away.

"Izaya?" He swung around, probably looking guilty as hell and stared at Shizuo who was currently standing in the doorway and holding a carrier bag. Immediately, Shizuo's eyes were on the knife in his hand. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" It was too fast, too forced. "I was just… cleaning." That excuse sounded poor to even his own ears.

"Cleaning." Shizuo was not the brightest bulb in the bunch but even he looked sceptical.

"Yes…"

"In your boxers."

"….I need to do something." And he slammed the knife down on the counter and retreated to the safety of Shizuo's bedroom.

-Page Break-

Shizuo's first thought on seeing Izaya holding a knife was that he was plotting to stab him as soon as he returned from work. But just as he'd been about to charge him, he'd clocked the look on his face and halted. He knew misery when he saw it; it had seemed so foreign on that face.

The guilty expression, the fear in his eyes, all of it made sense. Slowly, Shizuo approached the knife and picked it up from the counter. There was an unmistakable red stain on the end and Shizuo could remember the small trail of red running down Izaya's chest.

Izaya had asked him if it would make him happy if he killed himself; apparently he had really meant it. Now he was conflicted. On the one hand, it would improve his own life. But on the other…

Dammit! Shizuo stuck the knife under the tap, removing all traces of the blood and then replaced it in the drawer. His next move was to check the cupboard where he kept all painkillers and medical equipment. To his relief (and annoyance), none of it had been touched. Shizuo grabbed every packet he had and carried them over to the bin, shoving them all in. This done, Shizuo went on the hunt for other objects. The only thing he could think of was the drawer in his room; he had a few ties in there. Normally he would not bother going near Izaya if he could avoid it.

"Flea!" Shizuo practically barked it in the direction of his room. After a few seconds, Izaya put his head round the door, looking fearful but intrigued. "Go have a bath."

"What?"

"Now!" Although confused, he could clearly tell that Shizuo was not to be argued with right now and reluctantly made his way to the bathroom.

As soon as the door was shut, Shizuo was in the bedroom and removing all of the ties he could find, shoving them into a plastic bag and dragging them out to the lounge. Once they were safely hidden in a cupboard, Shizuo sat down and stuck a cigarette in his mouth. The stupid flea was making him stressed.

Should have just let the asshole do it. It would have been less effort for him. Although getting rid of a body would be a pain. Shizuo waited about ten minutes before he started to get annoyed. It wasn't very long for a bath but then Izaya was probably suicidal.

"This is so stupid." He slammed his hands down on the table and jumped up, marching to the bathroom. He hammered on the door. "Flea! What are you doing in there?!" Silence. "Flea!"

…That shit. No one committed suicide in his flat without his permission. And Izaya Orihara most definitely did not have his permission. With an irritated roar, Shizuo grabbed the door and ripped it from its frame. Door locks could not stop him.

The bathroom itself appeared to be empty and for a moment, Shizuo paused, not sure where to direct his anger. And then suddenly Izaya's head emerged from under the bathwater. Once he had blinked the water from his eyes, he quickly cottoned on to Shizuo's presence. After staring at each other for a moment, Shizuo coughed.

"I needed something in here."

"Ok…" Shizuo ambled over to the small cupboard he kept in his bathroom and started digging through the assorted bottles and tubs in there. Mainly it was old lotions and shampoos he'd never used, but he made a big show of searching. Izaya only remained in the bath for another few minutes.

"I'm going to get changed."

"Good." Once he heard the door shut, he finally had a good look at his now ruined bathroom door. He was going to need new hinges since the current ones were now snapped in half and the lock was lying crumpled on the floor.

Stupid Izaya bastard. It was certainly his fault that the door had been demolished. For now, he leant it up against the frame.

When a suitable period of time had passed, Shizuo (feeling incredibly awkward) knocked lightly on the bedroom door. Shizuo felt uncertain; he hated uncertainty. Usually when he was uncertain he punched things. In this situation, he was having to use some serious restraint. Izaya opened the door.

"Do you need something?" It seemed that he thought that Shizuo was going to bring up what he had done earlier.

"No! I mean yes!" He always was awkward when he tried. Izaya blinked. "There's a film. On TV. Watch it with me." So smooth.

"Are you sure?" No. I don't want to look at your stupid face.

"Yes."

"I don't know…" Perhaps he wanted to be alone. This was not an option for him today.

"It's starting now." And Shizuo gripped the incredibly thin wrist and dragged Izaya out of the room and into the lounge, allowing no struggling.

Shizuo deposited the flea on the floor and dropped down next to him, flicking on the TV. He hadn't lied about the film; it was one of Kasuka's. It was possibly one about vampires or maybe it was about androids? Shizuo wasn't sure. He just enjoyed watching his little brother act.

"That man…" Izaya spoke only a couple of minutes into the film. "He looks a lot like you."

"He's my younger brother."

"Oh… You really do look alike."

"I've heard." People didn't really notice it that much since Shizuo Heiwajima and Yuuhei Hanejima weren't really in the same world. But if you looked closely enough, you could see that when Shizuo relaxed his face was almost identical to Kasuka's.

"Except you're more…" Angry? Tetchy? Hateful? He just waited for the insult. "Lively." That was a new one.

"What does that mean?" It didn't sound like an insult.

"Well I can't tell much since I've only seen your brother for five minutes… But when your face changes, your expressions seem more extreme. Like your emotions I guess."

"They would do." Shizuo huffed and returned to watching the film. He didn't like that Izaya still seemed to be analysing him.

Halfway into the film, Shizuo remembered why he didn't watch this one very often. Kasuka may have been an amazing actor but the plot was downright terrible. His brother tended to act in any film he was offered so often that many of them were bad. His fans still loved him though.

"This film is pretty bad isn't it?" Izaya seemed more nervous at commentating but smiled awkwardly. Perhaps it was relief that nothing had been mentioned yet.

"It is."

"Your brother is a good actor though."

"I know." He'd never been jealous of his brother's success. He was happy as long as Kasuka was happy. "He's been in better films."

"I'd like to see some of those sometime. Well maybe I already have seen them, I don't know."

"I've got some on VHS."

"VHS?"

"What?!" Shizuo was very defensive of the VHS player; he wasn't doing it because he hated new technology, he just liked recording Kasuka's films from the TV.

"Aren't these quite old?"

"Maybe I like them that way!" Rather than lose his temper, he grabbed one of the good films and shoved it in the tape player. He would not give Izaya an excuse to be alone this day.

-Page Break-

In terms of his plan to make sure that Izaya was not alone, Shizuo had succeeded. Aside from when he went to the toilet (not so private since the door had been demolished), Izaya had been stuck with Shizuo. All he could think to do was to keep chucking on videos. It certainly required less conversation.

Now though, Shizuo was facing another problem; bedtime. Obviously he didn't like the idea of sleeping in with Izaya, but it would make it easier to keep an eye on him that way.

When Izaya sleepily announced he was going to bed, Shizuo jumped up at the same time as him in a completely obvious way. Izaya seemed a bit taken aback by the glaring but seemed to be getting used to it.

Once Izaya was in the room, Shizuo picked up the blankets and pillow he'd been using and headed to join him. Izaya was just getting into his futon as Shizuo entered, and he looked somewhat alarmed.

"Is everything ok?"

"I'm sleeping here tonight." And before Izaya could comment further, Shizuo had started setting up his bed.

"Do you want me to go in the other room?"

"No. I just wanted to sleep in my room." From the way he was looking at him, Izaya clearly didn't believe what he was saying but Shizuo made eye contact as if daring him to comment.

"If that's what you want."

Shizuo laid down, facing away from Izaya. Even with the light off he still didn't want to have to look at him. If he heard him move, he'd grab him anyway. At this point, Izaya probably understood that Shizuo was going to watch him after what he'd seen earlier. Knowing this, he was unlikely to try anything so soon. Even so, it was hard to fall asleep that night.