Fraternising With the Enemy

Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.

"So when are you going back to work?" Izaya looked towards Shizuo as he asked this, trying not to sound hopeful.

"Tom's ill so I'm taking the week off." This was a lie. The way he hesitated and avoided eye contact made it obvious.

Izaya was certain that Shizuo wasn't leaving him alone because of what he had seen but he didn't want to ask him anything and bring it all out into the open. Even if he was curious as to why Shizuo was apparently concerned.

Shizuo wasn't changing his behaviour that much since he was still easily angered and not overly talkative, but he was making a clear effort to be civil. All this felt was awkward since neither of them tried to have any kind of conversation.

All they really did for the day was sit and watch television and occasionally have quick conversations about food. It was easy to notice how much he was being followed by Shizuo whenever he changed rooms. He even made an excuse to stand around outside the bathroom when he went in, hammering on the (only placed against the frame) door when he spent more than a couple of minutes in there.

Nothing was mentioned by Shizuo and Izaya assumed he was just going to ignore the issue until he slacked off enough for Izaya to slip away. It had been stupid of him to try and do something like that in the flat itself; next time he would have to go elsewhere. Though he had been too scared to do it before, he felt more determined now. He really needed to relieve Shizuo of the burden he had become.

"Get dressed flea." Izaya jolted upwards when Shizuo suddenly appeared next to him.

"Why?"

"We're going out."

"Now?" It was late in the day by this point and sunset was not far off. "Where are we going?"

"You'll find out."

Izaya had to admit that he was nervous of what this could be about. Or maybe he shouldn't be afraid. He wanted to kill himself so he didn't really have the right to be worried about what was happening.

For a few moments Izaya thought that maybe Shizuo would kill him. Perhaps he would be merciful and would give the man what he wanted. But they weren't going towards any deserted areas, instead heading into the busier main streets. There were so many people around that both of them were getting bustled around and, several times, Izaya actually lost sight of Shizuo.

This… this could be a good opportunity couldn't it? He could slip away quite easily from his watcher and the man wouldn't able to find him. Izaya waited until they met a particularly large group coming towards them and slowly started moving off towards a side road that could lead off somewhere quiet.

A vice-like grip tightened around his arm and Izaya was pulled next to Shizuo and practically dragged along.

"Stay close."

"Ok…" There was no way he was going to get away whilst Shizuo was still this determined.

They were moving towards a large building that Izaya could recognise from the 'first' time he had been there.

"Why are we here?"

"I thought we should see how your shoulder is doing." The man wasn't looking at him.

"That's a good idea." Izaya wondered how obvious it was that his voice was shaking.

He's told him… He's going to get this guy to do something… What if he sections me? Izaya could feel his chest constricting as he stood in the lift next to Shizuo. His head felt light and he knew his breathing was getting louder. He didn't understand how his companion hadn't noticed.

"Hey guys." Shinra answered the door with a usual smile.

"Hey…" Izaya had his head down and without meaning to, he was gripping onto Shizuo's arm.

"Think you can check his shoulder?"

"Sure. If he hasn't had any problems with it though, it's probably fine."

"Just do your job."

"Ok, ok." Shinra moved aside so they could walk in. "Just don't throw any more of my furniture outside, ok?"

"Well don't piss me off then!" Shinra sighed.

"You can wait in the sitting room. Izaya, follow me."

Shinra performed a full check on his shoulder, only asking occasional questions and getting Izaya to move his arm in certain ways. The whole time Izaya could feel the panic building up inside of him and the walls felt like they were closing in on him.

"That seems to be- Izaya?" It wasn't surprising that he had noticed since Izaya was starting to hyperventilate. "What's wrong?"

"Leave." He only just managed to gasp out. "I want to be alone."

"But you're-."

"Please."

He pulled up his knees and buried his face, waiting for Shinra to finally leave the room. Although Shinra hesitated, he finally gave up on waiting and left the room. Izaya couldn't even start to relax until he heard the footsteps moving down the hall. But even at that point he was shaken.

Now I've made it worse. Izaya had shown him how weird he was getting so now he was scared he could be shut up somewhere. The panic returned and Izaya knew he wasn't going to be able to control it now. In his head, the first words to come up were 'panic attack'. All he was certain of was that he was losing himself and starting to get stuck in whatever this was.

Izaya curled himself up and started to breathe in deeply and slowly. This had to stop before anyone saw but he couldn't quite bring himself out of it.

He became unaware of time or any of his surroundings, only focusing on the breathing. At one point he heard voices talking near him, some raised, some concerned. And then a hand was touching him on the back, gently stroking him and speaking in a soothing tone.

-Page Break-

"What do I do now?"

"Just wait for him to get some rest then take him home."

Shizuo had not had any idea what to do. He'd told Shinra that Izaya was getting stressed about the amnesia and needed to calm down. And he had to ask for something to help him relax a little better. For some reason he hadn't wanted to mention the suicide attempt. It didn't feel like any of his business.

And then Izaya had been freaking out over… Shizuo wasn't sure of that part. He'd only been able to watch as Shinra had calmed him down. They'd left Izaya to sleep it off and recover for a couple of hours.

"Well I have these anyway." Shinra handed him a little bottle of pills. "These usually help with anxiety."

"Thanks…" I'm not worried about the flea… Screw that…

"Did something else happen?"

"What do you mean?" Shinra wasn't stupid and Shizuo wasn't good at lying.

"He seems in a bad way. Has he had a lot of panic attacks?"

"Nothing else has happened. He just seems really twitchy." That didn't mean that he was going to tell the truth. He was too stubborn for that.

"If that's your story." This was the point that the sitting room door opened and a very exhausted and pale looking Izaya appeared.

"I feel a little better now…"

"Maybe you guys should stay the night. It's getting quite late."

"I'd rather go… If that's ok with Shizuo."

"Yeah… I don't mind."

"I guess Shizuo can handle any trouble."

It was in the early hours of the morning by this point and the only people really around were gang members and yakuza. Shizuo was no fool in these kinds of things so he stuck to quieter areas and kept Izaya close to make sure someone who knew him didn't decide to take revenge, something that was possible with how many years he had been active.

The informant was quiet and jumpy, staying as close to the bartender as possible. That weird panic attack had clearly taken it out of him. He kept shaking and holding his arms. He was wearing more than Shizuo and yet he was feeling warm.

"You ok flea?" He hadn't wanted to ask but his annoying conscience wasn't letting him ignore the issue.

"..Cold…"

The shivering noise he was making just got on his nerves. In the end Shizuo couldn't take it for that long. After releasing a loud and frustrated growl, Shizuo grasped Izaya by the arms and pulled him upwards so he was on Shizuo's back.

"What are you doing?"

"It's quicker and warmer this way. Don't bother being grateful."

Izaya's arms wrapped around him and Shizuo could feel him pushing up against his back for warmth. He was so light compared to anyone else he normally carried. It shouldn't have been a surprise with how scrawny he was.

The journey was made longer by the detours he had to make to avoid areas that he knew would be a problem. Although it would be easy for him to fight his way through, he didn't want to have to. It would be a massive pain in the ass if he had to protect Izaya the whole time.

When Izaya's grip tightened, Shizuo was suspicious. As he didn't start strangling him, he assumed something was wrong. And then there was some more shaking.

"What are you doing back there?" He did not want to have to deal with another panic attack. He couldn't do anything for the last damn one. "Flea?" The little fucker didn't answer. "Oi!"

"Why?" He was crying. It always made him feel cold when Izaya cried. His voice was so shaky and weak, so unlike his normal smug and mocking tones. "Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, it's quick-."

"Not that. Why did you stop me?"

"Does it matter?" He didn't want to deal with the repercussions of admitting anything.

"Please… Why?" Shizuo was getting twitchy.

"I don't know. Just did."

"Why though? You hate me."

"I still can't let you just die. I would if I could, but I can't. That's it."

"Oh…" And Izaya went quiet once more.

"And what about you?" There was no answer. "You should start explaining flea!"

"What's the point? It won't change anything." Shizuo's eyebrow twitched. He had to react quickly.

Locating the nearest bench, he dumped Izaya onto it and then ran at the unfortunate stop sign that had been sadly placed this close to an angry Shizuo. It was quickly wrenched from the ground and launched into the air with and almighty roar. It flew a good two hundred metres before landing with a clatter on the hard floor. Panting heavily, Shizuo turned back to look at Izaya who was watching with wide eyes.

"See that you piece of shit?! You made me angry! Now spill it! Why are you trying to kill yourself?" He didn't especially care but he felt he had a right to know since he'd had to deal with the aftermath.

"Incredible…" Izaya was still watching him.

"Huh?!"

"I've seen you do some amazing things but… That was just incredible." Shizuo was confused by the whole thing and for a second his brain paused. It wasn't often someone looked at him with admiration over fear. There were more important things to be thinking about however and Izaya wasn't going to distract him.

"Don't change the subject! Why flea?" Izaya flinched.

"I… Um…" The tears were running in thick streams. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"Because you're depressed you dumbass."

"But I don't think I'm sad. I think… I think I'm wrong." Izaya looked up at him and his eyes were filled with a desperate anguish. "I'm wrong. I don't feel things like other people… I don't think like other people… I think I'm inhuman."

"You're doing this because you're wrong?"

"Yeah… I am wrong aren't I? I'm not right." He was staring at him, almost pleading. "You understand right? It's better if I'm not around."

"Shut up!" Shizuo didn't like hearing any of this. It was like hearing his own thoughts spoken and it hurt.

"It's how I feel Shizuo. I don't know if I'm sad or scared or what. I just inconvenience you and hurt people."

"That's no excuse! Why the fuck have I stayed alive if you're just gonna kill yourself over this?!" As always, discussing this topic affected him badly. It was something he had considered so many times since middle school.

"I'm sorry?" He blinked, confused.

"I'm wrong! I've always been wrong. And you've seen what I can do! I've hurt people, maybe even killed. Even people I like! And I stay alive because people like Tom and Kasuka care. But I'm not a human being. I'm pretty much a monster."

"You're no monster. You feel things, you care about people. You're a human being… Just a really strong one." Izaya didn't realise what he had just done and what kind of effect he'd just had. Shizuo froze for a second, yet again incapable of thought.

"Are you fucking with me?" His voice was only a whisper.

"No. I really think that." So many times he had called Shizuo a monster yet now he was denying it.

"Well you were a monster." Izaya winced as if he had been physically struck.

"I know. That's why I-."

"I said you were! I don't know about now."

"Why?" Izaya was tearing up again.

"I still don't like you… But maybe you can be less of a monster now. If you try. If I can try then so can you. You seem to have empathy now… I don't know if I believe you yet but if you're gonna prove yourself, you have to work hard." It was what Tom had told him and he had stuck with it. But Izaya may not be the same.

"How?" The informant was watching him with all of his attention, wide-eyed and hopeful.

"You can fix your mistakes! Make up for what you did."

"And if I can't remember them?" This did make him pause.

"Then just be a good person! And if you want to know how to start, you can never spread another rumour about me again!"

"I won't."

"Good. Now we are going home before your stupid ass freezes to death." He grabbed Izaya and carried him off.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Now shut up." This month was one of the weirdest and most tiring of his life and he was going to need a seriously long holiday to get over it.