Fraternising With the Enemy

Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.

For a little while, Shizuo didn't realise what was wrong. He was alone in his futon, Izaya asleep only a metre or so away from him. Nothing had been moved since he had been sleeping and he hadn't been touched. It wasn't until he got out of the room and started up the kettle that he figured it out.

Usually when he looked at Izaya there was a strong feeling of hatred or disgust. It wasn't that he didn't feel annoyed anymore but that the feelings were somehow numbed, something that he didn't think would ever be possible. But he had been hugged by Izaya last night so anything could happen it seems.

Of course the memory of the hugging reminded him that he had seriously fucked up at work yesterday and Shizuo cracked the coffee mug he'd been holding in his frustration.

"Shit! Fuck!" A few large chunks of red china were now sticking in his palm, blood dripping all over his floor. He'd thought he'd learned after the mixing bowl incident back in high school that it was a bad idea for him to hold breakables while in a mood. And ceramics crumbled easily; it was likely there'd be chunks of it in the wound.

Shizuo was scowling at the cut and attempting to work out what he was going to do about it when he heard footsteps. It seemed he had awoken his roommate and he growled in the direction of the room.

"Go back to bed, it's fine." The footsteps only hesitated for a second and then the door was opened. Izaya seemed uncertain as he peered through. "I said it was fine."

"What happened?" Shizuo wasn't happy that someone was still moving slowly towards him after being snapped at.

"It's just a cut. It'll be OK." While he was still holding onto his wrist, Izaya advanced towards him. He almost felt afraid. He was used to people coming at him but with weapons, not kind intentions, especially when he was annoyed. Celty or Tom would try perhaps and occasionally Simon, but that was about the limit.

"I can check it if you want?" Izaya held his hand out. "I could fix it if you have a first aid kit."

He was going to tell him to piss off and that he could look after himself since he'd been doing it for long enough. But Shizuo had been looking after Izaya for a little while and since he'd been passable recently, Shizuo ended up saying; "It's under the sink."

"Alright. Sit down over there, I'll get the medicine." Feeling oddly calm, Shizuo did as he was asked. His anger was still present but he felt odd, unsure. Izaya approached warily and crouched next to Shizuo who was still cradling his hand.

"May I?" Izaya held his hand out. He didn't seem inclined to just grab him straight away. Part of Shizuo wanted to be annoyed that someone was treating him like a scared animal, but he was also receiving respect for his personal space so he didn't know how to feel. He just held his arm out so that Izaya could grip his wrist.

"This will probably hurt… Maybe we should ask Shinra."

"Just do it Flea." He wasn't going to bother Shinra with his idiocy.

"OK. I'll do my best."

Shizuo grimaced and released a pained hiss as Izaya started removing the pieces of china. Those parts were annoying enough, but Izaya then had to search the rest of the wound for remnants.

"Fuck!" He nearly smashed the table by bringing his other hand down on it.

"Should I stop?"

"No. Just get it done." Painful and annoying as it was, he wouldn't risk a serious affection. Fortunately Shizuo was used to pain so he could just about deal with him picking in cut. The wound probably needed a stitch or two but Shizuo didn't have anything that he could use for that. He had to settle for having it coated with antiseptic and bandaged heavily so he didn't bleed all over his floor.

The whole time Izaya was treating him, he did so with the most gentle of touches. With the way he moved during their fights, it should have been clear that Izaya would be skilled with his hands. In spite of the discomfort, it was a calming feeling and Shizuo was so focused on this, he could sense himself relaxing.

"That's the best I can do."

"That's great, thanks." He closed and shut his fingers a few times, wincing at the small amount of pain.

"I can make some coffee?"

"Please."

It's like having a housewife, Shizuo thought as he watched Izaya busying himself in the kitchen. Or maybe a carer. He had to wonder who was taking care of whom.

They sat in a relatively comfortable silence, sipping coffee and trying to wake up. Shizuo was still only wearing trousers and Izaya was in his shirt and boxers. He leaned over to check his phone; no contact from Tom. Possibly he was being given more time to relax but it just made him more frustrated.

"Are you alright?" And now Izaya was looking concerned.

"Fine." Izaya didn't push him and Shizuo normally didn't like to talk. But after recent events, he was feeling different. "I really hate this." Shizuo didn't speak loudly but Izaya moved a little.

"Hate what?"

He meant to say 'being like this' but what came out was "being me." He froze, surprised that he actually had said that. He was telling Izaya a lot of shit these days.

"What do you mean?"

"…It was always alright when you did bad things, because you never seemed to feel bad about anything… But I always care when I do this. I couldn't be some unfeeling bastard and I couldn't be a normal strength person. I'm just so mixed up and I hate it." Shizuo hadn't realised how much it took out of him to say this until he noticed that his vision was going a little blurry. Why was he crying? He'd grown out of that hadn't he?

Izaya didn't say anything but Shizuo could feel a hand grasping his, holding on tightly as he sat and let the tears fall. Both were quiet, even the crying making pretty much no noise. Just having someone holding his hand felt like he was being tethered to reality and not retreating into his own head. It lasted for such a while that Shizuo had to release Izaya's hand; they'd been gripping each other for too long,

"You better not tell anyone about this." Once Izaya remembered who he really was, Shizuo would probably have to beat him so he didn't talk.

"I won't."

"I'll kick your ass if you do."

"I know you would."

"…Why didn't you say anything?" Usually people fed him all this crap about how nice he was.

"Because you were telling me how you view yourself so… I couldn't tell you that you were wrong for having an opinion."

"That's one way of looking at it."

"And…maybe I understand? I guess neither of us like ourselves that much." Of course they would. "I… Um… I like you though. As much as I can like someone I barely know." Shizuo blinked.

"…I prefer this you to the you from before." Only a small amount of course. He was still kind of an asshole.

"I'm glad." Izaya was gripping his hand again.

"Why are you doing that again?" Shizuo wasn't letting go this time for some reason.

"It felt like the right things to do?" Of course Izaya would be unsure.

Why the fuck did I let myself cry? In front of the Flea no less. I should tell him to stop holding onto my hand like I'm a fucking child. Still he didn't. Shizuo wasn't exactly a 'normal' human by any stretch of the imagination but he still wanted the same kind of things other people did.

Like when Izaya had hugged him yesterday. Normally he would have pushed him away instantly, but he had paused and enjoyed the human contact while he felt stressed. Physical contact with Shizuo Heiwajima didn't normally get more complicated that a punch to the face so any other touch was normally craved. Even if it was from the Flea.

"This has been a weird kind of day, hasn't it?"

"Fucking weird. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Everyone needs to let it all out eventually."

"Yeah. Normally I punch things though, not cry."

"Did it help?" Shizuo considered this.

"A little." He didn't feel any worse than he had before.

"Well if you want to... Y'know… Cry it out again, I'll be here."

"Why?" That was weird wasn't it?

"Better than being alone."

"…Maybe I'll take you up on that sometime. Probably not though. I don't make a habit of it."

"I don't know about usually, but right now I seem to be emotional a lot. Possibly a side effect of the head injury."

"Or you're just a whiny pussy." Izaya's laugh rang out, loud and sudden.

"Maybe." He was still smiling when Shizuo looked at him. There really was no trace of the usual malice in his eyes. Shizuo wasn't entirely pleased with Izaya but he was comfortable enough right now.

-Page Break-

Unsurprisingly Tom had called to tell Shizuo that he wasn't needed for the day; he would be fine on his own. It felt like a rejection even if it was done with good intentions. Shizuo needed to stop doing this; he wasn't going to earn much at the rate he was going.

He and Izaya had been mostly silent after the morning, watching TV and flicking through any magazine they could find. A comfortable silence that made the tension in his shoulders disappear. It was normally what he liked about talking to Celty after all.

As usual, one of the many films of Kasuka's was on one of the channels and Shizuo ended up watching his brother act the police officer with a detached smile. As long as his brother was happy, then he was happy. That was all there was to it.

"You always do that." Shizuo turned sharply at Izaya's voice causing the flea to flinch a little. "I didn't mean to say that aloud, sorry."

"What do I always do?" He wasn't annoyed, just intrigued.

"That smile. When you see your brother on TV. It's nice." He almost seemed embarrassed at adding that last part.

"I'm proud of him. He's doing well and people like him a lot."

"I'd be proud too. He works really hard." Shizuo was pleased to hear the compliment for his beloved sibling. "Have I ever met him?"

"Not really." Shizuo had usually kept them at a distance.

"I guess you want it to stay that way."

"…If it was current you, I wouldn't mind too much. Though when you regain your memory, if you go near Kasuka I will end you." For the first time he was feeling guilt at this. Shizuo supposed it was because this Izaya was agreeable.

"If you're likely to do that, why'd you stop me from dying? It's not a complaint, just a query." Izaya himself didn't seem too upset.

"I wouldn't like to see an innocent man dying. And I guess you don't remember anything so you didn't do anything." Shizuo wasn't sure current Izaya would want to do any of the things he had normally done.

"Sounds fair… But what if I never remember?" Shizuo paused as he went to light a cigarette.

"Then I guess I'll never kill ya."

"And I guess I'll have to stay here and be your house husband." Shizuo spluttered on his cigarette.

"Joke! It was a joke!" Izaya was quick to hold his hands up at the glare he received from the blonde. "I'll go home eventually."

"Too right you will. My apartment isn't big enough."

"I like it. It's comfortable."

"Is that a dig?"

"No." Shizuo eyed him suspiciously but could see no sign that he was lying. "This place feels…. Lived in. Like a home."

"Huh…" But then Izaya normally loved in vast, minimalist apartments. This would be a step down surely? "Didn't you like that apartment we visited?"

"…No. I hated it." For a second the man visibly paled. "It… It didn't feel very hospitable."

"You weren't always that welcoming so it would have suited."

"I guess… So, why do you wear that?"

"What?"

"You dress like a bartender." It had taken him a long time to ask about that.

"Oh. That. Kasuka got me a load of them when I got a job in a bar."

"I assumed it was a bodyguard uniform."

"It was all I really had. I got fired from there ages ago."

"Why?" And now for more awkward questions.

"You got me framed for a crime." He could see Izaya stiffen. "It doesn't matter though. I would have been thrown out because of a fight eventually anyway." Thinking along those lines just made him depressed again. "I got thrown out of every other kind of job for the same reason."

"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have done what I used to do. I don't even remember why."

"We need to stop bringing it up because you're just gonna be stuck constantly apologising to me."

"I guess we have so much history that it's hard to avoid." Neither could deny that. "You remember why I did what I did?"

"Because you enjoyed it? That was how it seemed."

"I hoped that wasn't the only reason."

"I'm sure you had some weird reason that made sense to you."

"Probably. Maybe it was some weird kind of foreplay and I was trying to get you into bed." Shizuo nearly choked at that. Izaya had a completely neutral face but a small twitch on his lip gave him away. Shizuo would normally have been more annoyed but he had to laugh and soon the pair were struggling to breathe.

"That was a terrible joke Flea."

"Sorry, I couldn't resist Shizu-chan." Shizuo froze.

"What did you just call me?" His chest had tightened. It had been like a sudden splash of cold water.

"Shizu-chan? Sorry, I guess that was weird." Izaya's smile disappeared when he realised how serious Shizuo looked.

"Why did you pick that name?"

"I don't know? It just seemed the right kind of stupid."

"Huh…" It made sense.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"…You used to call me that a lot. Pretty much exclusively."

"So I should not use it?"

"As long as you don't want me calling you Iza-chan." He needed to keep in a good mood and not bring them both down again. Needed to stop that fear.

"Well it wouldn't bother me too much."

"I prefer calling you Flea." Small, wears a lot of black and jumps around a lot. Suited him well.

"Well I am parasitizing you at the moment."

"You can make up for it by giving me a damn foot massage."

"Just let me get the oil." Both of them smirked.

It was an odd day. A very odd day. But for once Shizuo actually felt decent by the end of it.