People are Troublesome

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"What is this?" Shikamaru had woken up to the sound of knocking on his bedroom door. Expecting a fire or some similar emergency he had dashed over half dressed and panicking slightly. Yoshino was standing there holding out some of his clothes and a pair of shoes.

"It's ten." It seemed she expected this to make sense to him.

"It's also the weekend."

"And I have Mikoto, Kushina and Kurenai coming round in half an hour."

"So you want me to leave so you can clean up and spend the afternoon bitching about the assorted men in your lives?"

"I'm glad you understand. You have ten minutes." She pushed the things into his arms and slammed the door in his face.

…Well that is just fantastic. It really made you feel loved when your family kicked you out so they could loudly talk about the many problems with your father. The one consolation was that Shikaku had also been thrown out of the house judging from the way he was sitting in the doorway of his shed with a bottle of whiskey in hand. They glanced at each other as if to say 'women, eh?' and Shikamaru headed off. There were few things duller than watching his dad get drunk. The only time it was funny was when he decided to do a striptease through the house whilst all of Yoshino's friends were there.

He was hopeful that Choji was still at home. If he was around he could usually sponge some baked goods from their house. And they wouldn't get pissed at him if he fell asleep on their sofa.

His options were pretty limited really. Sasuke and Naruto would be off limits on a day like this. Neither of their parents would be around and so they'd be all over each other. Ino's dad was just as bad as his own and she could be really annoying. Neji and Hinata were at a family thing, Kiba would be doing work while his mother yelled at him, and Sai… was probably doing something. No one knew and no one asked what he did on his days off.

The only other person was Asuma. They did have fun playing Shogi together at times but the smoking would put anyone off and he wasn't really talking to him at the moment. Asuma was the one who had tricked him into that IQ test, causing the pressure on him to increase massively.

When he got to the Akimichi household he knew there was no way he could stay here. Although there were plenty of food stuffs and Choji didn't seem to mind him being there, Ino was sitting at the kitchen counter eating cookies.

"Hey Shika."

"Hi Ino." He couldn't help but sound a little annoyed.

"What's wrong with you?" Choji was stuffing his face with toast.

"The woman kicked me out for the day."

"No wonder. You need to leave the house sometimes." Ino was just as foolish as the rest of them.

"Not at weekends." It was bad enough that he had to leave the house for school.

"You can stay here for a while if you like?" This was what he wanted but having Ino here ruined things slightly. Whenever she and Choji got together recently they kept flirting with each other. It wasn't as bad as the face licking he'd seen in other couples but it was annoying that they wouldn't just come out with it.

"I think I'll leave you guys to it." He did remember to grab a cookie on the way out though.

All he needed to do was to find some nice quiet patch of ground to laze about on and he would be happy. The streets of the town were filled with people at this time of the day including families and the little old ladies that looked sweet but seemed to have a thing for knocking him 'accidentally' with any sticks they had. He wasn't sure why.

Then there was the park but that was filled with small children and people with mad dogs so he doubted he'd get much peace and quiet there. The only other option he could think of that might be peaceful was one of the farms. They had footpaths so technically people could go through there but it was a lot quieter.

After finding an appropriate patch of ground that had no dog or cow shit but also enough grass to actually be comfortable, he laid back and stared up the sky. It was warm with a few clouds floating by. The sun was shining on him and the warmth had him gradually drifting off. This probably wasn't safe but he doubted he had anything worth stealing from. The sound of approaching footsteps made him slightly more aware.

Well that's just typical. Bloody walkers. Instead of looking over he kept his eyes closed and pretended he didn't notice. Usually people would see this and change their route or walk back. This person either didn't notice or didn't care and carried on walking.

Please just go away. He wasn't in the mood for conversation. Why aren't they stopping? If they get any closer they're going to-.

His thoughts were interrupted when the stupid asshole who was walking along didn't see him and ended up tripping over his upper torso. This winded Shikamaru and sent the person flying into the hedge.

Damn that hurt. He rubbed his stomach. Was that my fault? He probably could have said something or made his presence obvious. Whenever he was on his own he was often completely oblivious to other people sometimes.

"Excuse me? Are you-?" He had turned round to make sure the other guy wasn't hurt when he realised who it was. Hidan was pulling himself up out of the hedge. Even from behind he was pretty distinctive. At this point he felt he had two options. Run away before the boy recognised him (unlikely) or attempt to make up for it and hope he wasn't beaten up too much.

"…Hidan?" The boy looked round and it was clear from the look on his face that he was pretty angry.

"What the fuck were you doing there?! You stupid asshole!" It was pretty loud and he physically recoiled at the shouting.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd notice me…" This was the wrong thing to say.

"You're saying this is my fault?!"

"No! I-." Hidan grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close.

"What is your problem?" My problem?! What the hell? He could think that but he wasn't going to say anything aloud. He wasn't that brave.

"I'm really sorry! I should've said something, let me make it up to you!" This was the best he could think to say.

"How?" He still sounded annoyed but he had loosened his grip slightly.

"Err…" He noticed the boys arm was covered with scratches from the brambles. "I could fix up your arm?"

"What?"

"I mean the scratches…"

"And?" He wants more?

"I could… get you some lunch?" There was a long tense pause.

"…Fine." Hidan released him and Shikamaru took a few steps back. The other boy was watching him and glaring. "Well?"

"Err…" Where can we go? Crap. It's gonna have to be my place. There was nowhere else he could think of to go with this mad guy and very little money. "Follow me." His mum was just going to have to deal with it.

-Page Break-

"Shika!" Oh god. They'd arrived back at the house after walking in complete silence and all he wanted to do was get inside quickly so he could get it over with. Instead Shikamaru was faced with the view of Shikaku half-naked on the shed roof while Yoshino tried to knock him off with a broom.

"Tell your father to get off the roof!" Why she was asking him he wasn't sure. If she couldn't do it then he definitely couldn't.

"Right…" Hidan didn't say anything but he was staring. "Well good luck with that guys, we're gonna go inside now…" He headed in and heard the other boy following.

He led the boy up to his room. It wasn't ideal but he didn't want any outside people communicating with his family.

"…What foods do you like?"

"Meat." Well that's helpful. Knowing him it's probably raw steak covered in blood. He cooked a few slices of bacon and some sausages, ignoring the chaos going on outside. At least they were still fighting. He didn't want to hear their making up noises.

Food cooked, he grabbed the first aid kit and carried it all upstairs. Hidan was sitting on his bed and watching him walk in. It was kind of unnerving to be stared at like that.

"Here." He handed the plate over. "And I have a first aid kit so…" Hidan held his arm out and started eating.

"…Do you want me to do it?"

"You said you would."

"Right…" And this isn't awkward. There were quite a few scratches on there, most of which had bled a fair amount so he had to wipe the blood off first. The boy hadn't even tried to get rid of the rest of it which was irritating. Most people would've done.

Hidan didn't seem to care at all and instead stuffed the food into his mouth as if he hadn't eaten anything in days. Although once he'd finished he did stare at Shikamaru instead. It seemed more like he was doing it to creep him out rather than because he was actually annoyed.

"Now do the other arm." …Of course. The whole time neither of them talked. Shikamaru was really aware of who it was he was alone with and how most people who got this close ended up in pain. As he was paying him back for it he assumed he wouldn't get his ass kicked even though this wasn't great.

"It's done." Hopefully he'll leave. Although he looked at what Shikamaru had done he didn't seem to be considering moving.

This made for an interesting situation. He didn't want the guy to stay here for hours but he didn't want to tell him to leave. When his phone started ringing he hoped it was some kind of emergency he could rush off too.

"Shika! If you were my sister, where would you keep your condoms?"

"…Why are you asking me that?" Kiba never gave any explanation for these kinds of things as if he expected people to just understand automatically.

"She's been a bitch all day so I want to steal her condoms and stop her from screwing her boyfriend tonight."

"Even if you do steal her condoms, her boyfriend will probably have some. Or she could just buy some more." Hidan was staring at him and he had to look away. It was embarrassing.

"Damn… Well how would you ruin the mood?"

"I don't know! Put a hose in the window? If your sister's sex life bothers you that much, just go out!"

"You heartless bastard! What's wrong with you? You're not even helping!"

"I don't have time to talk, I have a… visitor." He couldn't think of what else call him really.

"Oh I see. You've got a girl round."

"No I don't."

"Are you trying to get her into bed?"

"I do not have a girl round." He couldn't even look at Hidan. What the guy thought of all this he didn't want to know.

"So it's a guy? Why didn't you tell me? Are you trying to screw him?"

"I'm not trying to screw him he's-." Oh hell. He hadn't wanted to shout that. He heard Hidan walking over and he braced himself for the punching. Hidan took the phone from his hand.

"I'm the one trying to screw him so kindly fuck off." He then put the phone down and dropped it on the floor. Shikamaru was kind of in shock here.

What just happened? Hidan didn't seem to care at all about what he'd just done and instead sat back down on the bed.

"Err…" What do I say about this?

"-dessert."

"Eh?"

"I said, what's for dessert?" …That's all you're thinking about?!

"…Just wait a second." Shikamaru half stumbled down the stairs as if in a trance. Kiba was going to have a field day with this. Not to mention Ino and Sakura. They'd enjoyed tricking Shino and Kiba into kissing so they'd have a lot to say about this. He didn't even know why the other boy had done it. If he'd laughed it would've been ok but he'd just acted as normal. He grabbed one of the chocolate pot things from the fridge.

"Is this ok?"

"I guess." Hidan seemed unbothered as he ate it. He didn't even care that Shikamaru was staring at him and trying to work out how to talk to him.

"Um… Could I ask you something?"

"What?" It was abrupt and annoyed.

"…Why did you just do that?"

"Do what?" I bet he's doing this on purpose.

"What you just said." Hidan gave him a blank stare. "On the phone?"

"Oh. I don't know." He resumed eating. Well that's helpful.

"There must be a reason." He was getting annoyed right now.

"I guess it was funny." Hidan did at least look thoughtful.

"I see…" You don't look like you found it funny. Shikamaru did hate socialising too often so he didn't understand people that well but even then Hidan was still very difficult to read.

"Here." He held out the empty pot, stood up and walked out the bedroom door.

"Wait!" He didn't know why he shouted but Hidan just stopped and glared. Shit… Say something! "So you're leaving now?"

"What do you think?"

"Sorry…" I'm saying that a lot today.

"Did you want me to stay or something?"

"No! I mean… Um…" Damn now I sound like a heartless bastard. He didn't even know what he wanted here. This guy always had him acting completely different.

"If you're finished being an asshole, can I go now?"

"Yeah, sorry…" Hidan raised an eyebrow at him but didn't go.

"Well?"

"What?" He'd assumed that would be it.

"Aren't you going to walk me out?" Eh? It was something a small child would say. His facial expression didn't give much away.

"Sure." He walked down the stairs with Hidan following and opened the front door to where his parents appeared to have reached a stalemate.

"Can you tell your mother to stop being such a psycho?" Shikaku was still slurring.

"Can you tell your father to stop being a moron?"

"Can you guys sort yourselves out without needing my help?" It was tempting to hose them down. Hidan didn't even comment and chose just to walk off leaving Shikamaru alone with the parents. At least he was unlikely to tell anyone about this weirdness. It didn't take Shikamaru long to decide that his best bet would be to lock them out until they got over it. He'd already done his socialising for the day.