People are Troublesome

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

It was with great relief that Shikamaru woke up to see that he was alone in his room. Not only that, but the whole of the house was empty. It was a good day to be him.

Thank god for that. At least he would have one Hidan-free day. The boy hadn't exactly cleaned up after himself but this was a small price to pay. The fact that he'd eaten the majority of the food in the house was slightly more irritating.

I'm such an idiot. A gullible idiot. It was then that he noticed one of his school books had been pulled out of his bag. What the hell? Someone (and it was pretty obvious who) had written over one of his pieces of homework.

Well that's just fantastic… Having to redo the work was just going to ruin his weekend. It was obvious what he had written as well. I'm guessing he wants me to phone him? That or he's given me a random number to screw with me. Both seemed equally likely.

It was while he was midway through working that Shikaku appeared. The man was peering round the door with a cautious look on his face. When he realised Shikamaru was alone he walked in attempting to look casual.

"Looking for someone dad?" The guy did deserve to have the piss taken out of him anyway.

"Maybe…" A few side glances. "Your friend isn't here, right?"

"He went home." The relief was obvious. "What did he do anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday."

"…No comment." Shikaku quickly left the room before more questions could be asked.

That's one thing I would like to talk to Hidan about. Being able to get rid of irritating fathers was a skill he would love to have. Once he had finished redoing the work he went to throw away the ruined old sheet.

He'd probably be pissed if I just got rid of it. He settled instead for saving the number on his phone. I don't even know if it's his anyway.

He'd just finished doing this when the thing began to ring. It didn't take much thought to work out why Ino was ringing at this time of day.

"I'm still alive."

"Thank god! You got rid of him then?" He could hear a few other voices in the background.

"Pretty much." He wasn't as bothered by Hidan as he used to be. This was probably because he'd had plenty of chances to hurt Shikamaru whilst he was sleeping and hadn't. Not to mention the conversation they'd had the night before.

How can someone be so stupid that they don't realise they look angry all the time?

"So what are you going to do? How are we going to get rid of him?" Ino's voice bought him back to earth.

"…Don't worry about it."

"What? But the guy's nuts!"

"He hasn't done anything. He'll get bored soon anyway so don't worry." Although the phone number thing did suggest otherwise.

"You're brave."

"Not particularly." It was probably more to do with laziness.

"Come round anyway. I won't believe you till I see you're uninjured."

"Fine." It was nice that his friends cared but they also liked to drive him insane. It almost made him long for Hidan and his thieving ways.

-Page Break-

"Hmm." Ino was glaring into his eyes. Shikamaru just stared back. "I suppose you're fine… You're sure you weren't deflowered though?"

"How did I know you would ask that?"

"Were you though?"

"No. Just no." This wasn't something he wanted to imagine.

"Oh…. Well that's a disappointment."

"I'm sorry. Next time I'll make sure to film myself having sex with him for your amusement." She actually seemed to perk up at this. "I hope you realise I was being sarcastic."

"Of course you were." It was better to avoid her when she got into one of those moods until she calmed down. Luckily they had left his usual space on the side sofa empty. It was too damn comfy after all.

"Well he seems fine." Kiba was giving him the same staring treatment.

"I am. You should all calm down. I'm not worried." Much.

"You're too chilled about some things Shika."

"Possibly." Sometimes it was easier to stop caring. Although he couldn't help but think about the phone number.

What exactly did he want? Did he want me to do something? If he didn't phone Hidan he'd probably get whined at but if he did he'd probably be hassled about something else. It was a difficult decision.

Why am I even thinking about this? Surely it doesn't matter? Technically it shouldn't bother Shikamaru at all. It was only Hidan after all. Although this was probably the reason. No one else was as unpredictable in their mood swings.

"I'm going to the toilet," he suddenly announced sitting up. It would be best to get this over and done with anyway.

"Don't need to know." He ignored Ino and headed to the bathroom, the only place he knew he'd get some kind of privacy. The door locked at least.

I can't believe I'm doing this. It was alright when Hidan was going out of his way to contact him but when he did it, it seemed backwards. Questioning his sanity once more, he flicked through the numbers on his phone until he came to the random one. It only rang once.

"What took you so damn long?" Shikamaru pulled away from the loud noise.

"Hidan?" There was really no reason to ask.

"Who else dumbass?"

"You didn't put a name next to the number, you just wrote it." All over my homework.

"You should've known! I've been waiting for you to fucking call!"

"I'm sorry?"

"You should be." Yet another unreasonable comment. Shikamaru was really cursing this decision.

"What did you want anyway?"

"I'm sending you an address. Be there in an hour or I'll kill you." And he then put the phone down.

…Well that was interesting. The phone buzzed revealing a message. The address was somewhere he only vaguely knew. Luckily he had some idea of how to get there. I guess I'll have to go.

"I'll see you later then guys." This announcement he made when he came back downstairs was met with little interest.

"Your dad I'm guessing? Good luck." Ino didn't even look over. This was one of the few times he was glad his dad was acted like a jackass. Since people always assumed he was sorting him out, it provided a good excuse to escape events.

"Thanks for that." And so he went to find what he assumed was the domain of Hidan.

-Page Break-

"What took you so fucking long?"

"…Why are you only wearing boxers?" Surely it was odd to answer your door barely clothed in the middle of the day? Especially when you had just invited someone over.

"It's hot." …It's about four degrees out here. Although Hidan wasn't exactly normal. It had taken Shikamaru ages to find the flat since it was on the second floor and miles away from civilisation. It said something that Hidan had been willing to get up early enough to get to his house from here.

"Are you gonna stand there all day or what?"

"Oh. Sorry." It was, as expected, pretty dirty inside. Hidan was clearly lazy when it came to tidying as everything was just dumped where he'd been using it. I feel pretty clean in comparison… The flat itself wasn't too bad. Although the piles of dirty dishes everywhere was pretty off putting.

"I'm gonna shower." Hidan seemed oblivious of the fact that Shikamaru probably didn't want to be left alone in a strange place.

…What am I supposed to do? There was no way he was going to sit down on any of the crap on the sofa. Obviously Hidan hadn't been joking when he said he lived alone. Although it went against his basic nature, there was only one thing he could think to do.

"What'cha doin'?" Shikamaru hadn't noticed Hidan returning so having him suddenly appear behind him was a bit of a shock.

"How are you so quiet?" Someone that creepy just shouldn't be able to move so quietly as well.

"What are you doin' though?" This was a fair question considering it was his house.

"Cleaning." He'd tidied the lounge up enough to actually sit in there but the pile of old dishes in the kitchen had distracted him.

"Why?" Hidan seemed mystified by the very idea of it.

"Because your home is a health hazard."

"Oh… Thanks?"

"You're welcome." I should just let the fool clean his own damn home. Hidan was still watching him.

"Um… Can I-?" Shikamaru froze. He hadn't looked below the waist. "…Why are you naked?" In front of me?

"I just had a shower dumbass."

"Usually people change into clothes afterwards." It was like talking to a small child.

"Oh… I'll remember that, I guess." He then strolled off elsewhere.

…I don't even want to know. This was just too odd for him. And he lived with Shikaku. Although at least his family members knew they were weird. Hidan didn't even notice. He did at least come back in wearing boxers.

"Better?" And he even had the nerve to look exasperated with him.

"That'll do… So… Why am I here?" This was a pretty important question. Hidan just stared at him. "Why did you invite me here?"

"I thought you said that if I returned the favour we'd be good?"

"Return what?"

"You complained about me eating your food and being in your house. So I told you to come here." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Oh. That does make sense…" In a small child way. Shikamaru wasn't keen on the idea of sleeping there though. The sofa didn't look too good. "Do I have to stay here?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oh shit. I should've worded that better. He knew that Hidan was definitely pissed off about that comment.

"Nothing! I just wondered if you had space…"

"There's a bedroom dumbass." Well obviously.

"But only for one person." I really hope he doesn't want to share. "And I didn't bring any clothes?"

"Borrow mine then."

"Err…" He looked to the pile of clothes on the floor. Hidan followed his gaze.

"They're clean."

"Why are they on the floor?"

"My cupboard's full."

"Oh." He didn't really want to know what with. It was probably something weird. There was even a loud banging noise upstairs.

"Tch." Hidan was scowling.

"What is that?"

"The fucking puppet bastard." Hidan sounded pretty annoyed.

"Ok…" That didn't explain much. "…Who is the puppet bastard?"

"Neighbour." Hidan clearly thought this was all the explanation required and picked up a large wooden object.

"Is that a didgeridoo?" That was pretty unexpected.

"Well it's not a fucking harp."

"So you play it?" Hidan looked confused.

"Why would I?"

"You own one?" Surely that was why you'd have an instrument?

"It's for self-defence."

"Oh." He should've expected something like that. "Where did you get it?" Also an important question.

"It was in a skip somewhere."

"Right…" Hidan pulled on his trousers and a pair of shoes and marched out the front door. "Where are you going?" Although he was pretty sure he already knew.

"I'm gonna stick this up puppet boy's ass." Hidan looked pleased at this, and Shikamaru was relieved he was beating someone else up and not him.

Shikamaru sat on the sofa and stared around the room. He could hear footsteps and some shouting upstairs but he tried to ignore that. Hidan didn't seem to care about doing any kind of organisation and he just seemed to throw things in any available space. Although it probably made sense to Hidan. It didn't take long for him to return looking triumphant.

"How'd it go?" He probably didn't need to ask.

"The fucker won't be doing that again."

"Good?" Although he had a horrible feeling there was some kind of crime scene upstairs. The lack of blood on both Hidan and the weapon did reassure him a little. "Are you sure it won't be a problem if I stay?" He was hoping he could make Hidan suggest he leave.

"I invited you dumbass." Hidan looked at him like he was a fool before starting to pull cans of beer out of a cupboard.

This does not bode well.