People Are Troublesome
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
"Do I have to do this? It's gonna suck." Shikamaru rolled his eyes at yet another complaint from his whiny boyfriend.
"You said you would. And I think my mother will kill you if you take it back by now." Hidan made a loud huffing noise and once again fell silent.
It had probably been a good thing that Shikamaru had decided to walk down to meet him or else Hidan would probably have done a runner. Granted a family dinner was hardly the best thing in the world but like hell was he going to get there and explain that his boyfriend was suddenly not coming to the meal he had agreed to.
And the amount of time he had taken to convince the Hidan was pretty large. He was too socially awkward to be able to deal with this kind of intense social environment so he'd been moaning about the thing all week. His main complaint had been that he'd been there 'hundreds of times' already so why the hell would he need to be properly introduced to the family. It was a good point but he was not going to argue about it.
"You realise she just really wants to get to know you?" They were walking across the fields towards the house, Hidan wanting to take the 'scenic' route in an attempt to lengthen the journey time.
"Why? Is there somethin' wrong with her?"
"Probably." She had married his father after all. "She has this weird thing about wanting to get to know my friends and significant other."
"Weird…"
"Indeed."
"She ain't gonna like me. Your dad doesn't."
"In his defence, you do terrify him. And you enjoy him being afraid." Hidan chuckled to himself.
"OK ya got me there. What if they don't like me though?" Is he actually worried about that?
"At this point it won't make much of a difference. It's one of those symbolic things."
"Ugh. I don't get it."
"Neither do I." Both of them sighed. "Think of it this way; you get a free meal."
"Why else do ya think I'm comin'?" He did seem to brighten at this idea. Hidan was a simple creature really.
As was his mother. Shikamaru could see the curtains twitching as they got close to the house and he knew she had been keeping watch. Proven by the fact that as soon as they got to the door, it opened without them having to do anything.
"What took you two so long?"
"Were you just waiting behind the door?"
"No. Now get in here." There wasn't much time to protest before they were ushered in and hustled towards the table.
"Why are we eating here?" They never ate at the table. Unless any relatives who were especially fussy came round.
"Because sometimes it is nice to have a proper meal. Now sit down!" Shikamaru just rolled his eyes and dropped into a seat, Hidan awkwardly sliding into the one beside him. His scowl had deepened as he sat, a sure sign he was not happy and likely to make some kind of comment or punch someone. Hopefully no violence would happen, even if it would be funny to see him punch his dad.
"So." Yoshino sat down and leant forward, eager glint in eye. "We've not properly met."
"You've seen each other around." Why was she acting so weird?
"But we've never talked."
"What exactly do you have to talk about then? You already know him."
"No I don't." He gave Hidan an apologetic look and the boy sighed, knowing he was going to have to deal with some bullshit. "So…. You two are in the same class at school?"
"You know that." He felt his shin get kicked. "Very mature mother."
"I was asking him." Hidan certainly looked less worried whilst Shikamaru was being bitched out.
"He's the dumbass who always sleeps through every lesson." That bastard.
"Shikamaru! I told you to stop doing that." Hidan was even smirking.
"I only do when I already know what's going on!" Admittedly it was also when he couldn't be bothered to pay attention.
"It's rude! What else does he do?" Hidan thought for a second.
"Don't help her!"
"But I thought you were supposed ta get on with the parents."
"You thought correctly." Now Shikamaru was the one regretting this. "Make sure you hit him when he falls asleep OK?"
"Yes Mrs Shikamaru!"
"Don't join forces with my mother." He wasn't sure he could deal with that.
"So… What do you want to be when you leave school?" Hidan stopped smirking now. This was not a fun question to ask.
"Err… Alive?"
"That's… a good aim I suppose?"
"Well I have fuck all else to do."
"What do you want to do?" If it had been him swearing like that, he would have been yelled at.
"Err… Somethin' that doesn't suck?" Yoshino nodded.
"Well you'll probably find that easily enough." Hidan shrugged; he hadn't found much like that before so his attitude was understandable. "Now make sure you eat."
"You don't have ta tell me twice." And obviously, if he was shoving food into his mouth, he wouldn't have to talk so much. Shikamaru knew why.
Seeing as they had company (even if it was a guy who came round here pretty often), there was a better variety of food on offer so it wasn't all bad, even if they did have to sit around the table like it was some kind of suburban dinner party. It was only conversation that was stilted but Shikamaru was less sociable anyway.
"Shikamaru." Ugh.
"What?"
"That is rude."
"What, mother?"
"Better. You're dropping crumbs on the floor."
"So is dad." Shikaku gave him a dirty look.
"Hey! Unfaithful offspring."
"You two need to stop making a mess when we have guests!" Glancing at Hidan, he clearly wasn't worried about any kind of mess. He was more amused with the entertainment now available with dinner.
"It's only crumbs."
"And normally this place is messy anyway." That had been the wrong thing to say and Shikaku paled as soon as he realised. "Um…"
"What are you implying?"
"Well…" Don't say it dad. "Normally it isn't exactly a show home."
"Perhaps you should clean more often instead of leaving it to your wife and son." In fact, it was pretty likely he was going to be doing all the household chores for a while.
"I cooked dinner! And I'm usually working."
"I work too. You're just useless." Much as he knew it was true, Shikaku still made a show of looking offended.
"Maybe none of you deserve that lemon meringue pie I made."
"Maybe you don't deserve it."
"That makes no sense." This was a pretty normal argument for this household but Hidan was watching all with a smirk. He just enjoyed drama it seemed.
"I changed my mind. This was a great idea," he whispered to Shikamaru whilst Yoshino and Shikaku continued to snipe each other. It was never serious, Shikamaru had a good feeling they enjoyed bickering sometimes.
"Just wait until they start throwing food at each other. She smeared a cake in his face once."
"Really?" Hidan looked at the large bowl of mashed potato pointedly.
"And then they burst out laughing." It had confused the other people in the room. Hidan simply nodded as if he understood; probably he did since he shared their odd sense of humour.
"I just don't understand why you always have to do this in front of people." Yoshino gestured to the 'people'.
"You started it."
"Don't be so childish."
"You called me an 'overgrown man child'. I was just doing as you told me."
"You're further proving my point."
"When they gonna start throwing shit?" Hidan looked keen on watching this.
"No idea. I was planning on stealing the pie whilst they're occupied." It was what he normally did.
"Sounds good ta me." Pie was apparently better than watching a funny argument. Especially as they could watch from a doorway as they helped themselves, spooning it direct from the tray.
"Still don't know why they wanted me here."
"Because they care. They're weird, but they care." Perhaps even more than he'd realised.
"Your dad actually makes some good shit." Hidan took another large bite of pie.
"When he tries."
"Hey! You greedy shits!" And now Shikaku had realised they had pilfered it.
"And now we escape." To leave his parents with their measly leftovers.
-Page Break-
They'd spent long enough with his parents that night, having been forced to watch a film with them (a very shit one) along with the sit-down dinner and when Shikamaru flopped onto the bed, he felt like just falling asleep forever. Though this was how he always felt so maybe this was no different to usual. Hidan hadn't exactly been talkative but he hadn't been as quiet as expected, a good sign for him.
"You asleep already pineapple head?"
"Wow. I didn't hear that one throughout my childhood. Daily. Including from my parents…"
"…I kinda wanna apologise."
"You don't have to."
"I wasn't goin' to. I just said I felt like I wanted to."
"Of course." He felt the bed sink a little as his boyfriend sat beside him, letting out a deep sigh as he slid down. "You alright?"
"I guess?" He sounded so confused, Shikamaru gave him a quick glance. He didn't look unhappy but there was a small frown crinkling his brow.
"You seem worried."
"It ain't that."
"There's nothing wrong?" As far as he knew, nothing bad had happened over the course of the evening. Unless he had been upset somehow by his mother sprinkling pieces of broccoli in his father's hair.
"I don't know… I'm just bein' weird."
"When are you not weird?"
"It'sa different kinda weird."
"OK, I'm listening." Shikamaru turned over so he was lying on his back and could at least look at his face whilst he was talking about whatever kind of issue he was having.
"I, err, ain't really used to, y'know, family shit." Oh. He'd never exactly had a conventional one. "I'm not depressed about it or anythin'. I don't think I'm the kinda person who can be in a close family."
"I think I understand that." He hated being around people too often, even close friends and people he was used to. "Did you not like it?"
"That's what's weird. I did kinda like it? Wouldn't want to do this shit all the time but it was… not bad."
"That's good, right?" If his boyfriend was comfortable then surely it wasn't a problem.
"Yeah. Guess I just didn't expect ta like it." Considering how he could be with the guys, this was no surprise.
"You forget, they raised me. They're used to their son zoning out and not really socialising with them all night. We all do our own thing in this house." It was in his view, the secret to a successful family; a good distance.
"I noticed. Expected your mum to go on at me more so it was pretty nice…"
"I think you just liked watching them argue."
"So do you."
"Yeah. I've grown up with it though, it was my main source of entertainment." He had one memory of him aged eight, placing his book on the ground and popping pieces of popcorn into his mouth as he watched his parents make quiet snipes at each other. When Yoshino had placed something in Shikaku's hair and put a finger to her lips, he remembered giggling behind the book.
"Guess I do the same for blondie and puppet fucker." Hidan started twiddling his fingers, eyes moving a little as he seemed to find the words. Shikamaru just waited patiently, knowing he couldn't rush him. "They won't mind me doin' this shit again right?"
"You do usually come here."
"Yeah but like tonight… With the sitting around y'know?"
"Don't worry, mum will be pleased. No more sit down dinners though."
"Yeah those can fuck off. Unless they throw shit at each other again."
"That… will probably happen…"
So it's been four years since I've updated any of my fanfictions… Here's to hoping I do eventually finish them even if at the current rate it'll probably take a decade!