Disclaimer: I'm just playing with Suzanne Collins' characters and her world. They're hers. Not mine. Any lines from the books are hers too.
AN: This came out differently than I planned, but I still like it. I decided against completely rehashing the entire first installment in exchange for moving the story forward, so hopefully it isn't too much of a disappointment and still makes sense. I'm really enjoying this au and am considering moving these chapters out of this au collection and giving them a story all their own, but I don't know if it'd be too confusing or if the story would be worth continuing on individually. Anyways, its got at least another chapter, maybe more, either way. It's a good distraction while I'm getting over my writer's block at any rate.
Kaleidoscope, pt 2
Madge stares at him, mouth a little agape, processing what he's said.
Gale swallows, his throat feeling tight, constricting with panic as he waits for her to respond.
He hadn't come to see her intending to propose, but he wasn't going to let her get dragged away over something that was his fault.
Over the years he's harbored more than a little crush on Madge Undersee. She was gorgeous, smart, and absolutely untouchable.
Being all but forbidden had only made her that much more attractive to Gale.
As much as he'd tried to push her away, being rude and nasty at times, each time she got flushed, bright eyed and angry, it only made her prettier. And that only made him madder. It was bad enough she had to be beautiful with her doe eyes and sad smile, but to be even more so when she was arguing just wasn't fair.
Gale wasn't strong enough to fight that temptation.
It had gotten better with his infatuation with Katniss, but once she pushed him away, it all started trickling back in, building into something Gale couldn't ignore.
When she'd started at the mines, it had almost been too much for him. She was a distraction, and he hated her a little for it.
He also lived her for it.
All the men wanted to be in her line for the paychecks. She was, as Thom put it, 'the only thing worth looking at' at their godforsaken job, and Gale couldn't disagree.
Much as he tried not to stare at her, it was like ignoring a fire while freezing.
When Thom, who Gale had used as his excuse to get in her line, came down with the flu, he hadn't been able to stop his feet from carrying him to her line. He needed to see her, even if it was just for a few seconds. She was the only bright spot in his life, a flash of beauty in all the ugliness, and he needed her after his week in the mines.
Sunday's didn't really count, not in his mind. He got to see her, but the whole situation was stained by the person who's started the transaction in the first place.
Katniss.
He still isn't sure what happened to his friend on her Victory Tour.
When she'd come home from the Games things hadn't gone back to normal, not really, but they'd pretended they had.
They'd met in the woods, gone to the Hob, never mentioned the Games or Mellark or star-crossed lovers. It was strained, but it was surviving, and that's what they did best together.
Madge, who'd been such a helpful, informative part of his life during the Games, got pushed aside. She didn't belong in Gale's life anymore than he belonged in hers.
Much as he'd missed having her around, he knew it was for the best.
Delicate people, soft, gentle people, didn't belong in the Seam, around him and people like him. He'd seen what his life did to girls like her, from the Town.
Katniss' mom wouldn't have survived it if not for her daughters. His mind couldn't even dream up a world where someone as pampered and privileged as Madge could live that life, no matter how hard he'd known she'd try.
They were from different worlds and it was better not to pretend otherwise.
Then Katniss had gone on her Tour. She'd come back, but it wasn't really her, at least not in Gale's mind. Something has changed in her, and Gale wasn't given the details. She cut him from her life, and that was that.
No explanation, no concern. He was out and she was with Mellark.
His crush on Katniss eroded with time, breaking down into anger at her for tossing him away. Eventually, he stopped wondering and worrying about her, deciding that if his infatuation could so easily turn nasty, it was never anything to begin with.
Madge didn't belong in Gale's world, and Gale didn't belong in Katniss'. The only difference was, Madge was graceful in rejection. That only cemented her unattainable status in Gale's mind. No one that sweet natured deserved to be trapped near him.
The next few years had dragged by, monotonous and painful, breaking his spirit. The only thing that kept him going were his dates.
He'd never say he was proud of his reputation, which had been more or less a fabrication of Thom's overly creative imagination throughout high school, but as the mines tried to grind the life out of him, he started to embrace it.
He was young, good looking, why shouldn't he have fun?
"It sets a bad image for your brothers and sister," his mom had complained when he'd come home, half drunk with his pants ripped. "I don't want Rory or Vick thinking the way you treat girls is right. And I really don't want Posy thinking that."
Gale had sighed. "I treat them how they want to be treated."
He gave them just what they wanted, exactly what they all expected from a date with Gale Hawthorne.
Even if he did feel a little disgusted with himself every time and hated the look of disappointment it earned him from his mom.
That hadn't stopped him though. He deserved his mom's disgust and the crappy feeling he got every time he lived down to the world's expectations.
When he'd been shorted on his check, it was a gift he definitely didn't deserve, but one he'd grabbed with both hands.
He got to spend an extra few minutes with Madge, alone, and he could use it as an excuse to get out of a Friday night date.
It had taken a week for her to be given the shitty late shift on a Friday, but Gale would've waited more.
Then he'd bungled the whole thing.
He hadn't wanted to be an asshole, but it was too ingrained in him to rile her up. He couldn't stop himself.
"Wanted to get down and dirty with the peasants, huh?"
She'd looked hurt by that, and Gale's stomach had rolled.
Hot and bothered was cute, sexy, hurt and close to tears wasn't.
Rubbing at his neck he'd tried to be nice, and failed spectacularly.
"I just want to know why the Mayor's little princess is getting her shoes dirty at the mines."
"Why do you always get in my line?" She'd snapped back, eyes blazing.
It had caught him off guard, and judging by the cold realization in her eyes, it hadn't come out quite as she intended.
While it wasn't an answer, not really, it was.
Maybe his crush wasn't as one sided as he'd always thought. Madge might've enjoyed exchanging barbs as much as he did, even if her proper nature made her say otherwise.
She might not say as much, but taking a job at the mines got her closer to him, and that meant something.
Madge Undersee liked him. Maybe even had a bit of a crush on him too, and that ignited something in him he couldn't easily put out.
Her next words nearly did snuff it though.
"I mean-are you just looking for a reason to hate me? What've I ever done to you?"
The answer was nothing, except be unattainable, perfect and out of reach, but that answer stuck in his throat.
He finally settled on, "I'm not looking for a reason to hate you, Undersee. I'm just trying to understand you."
Her cheeks had burned brighter under his gaze as she mumbled, "Nothing to understand."
Then she turned away and Gale was stuck staring at her pale hair, wondering if it was half as soft as it looked, his fingers itching to run through it.
Despite his conscious telling him to go, let her be, he'd crossed the room, almost bumping his chest to her back.
He could smell her shampoo, her fancy body wash still clinging to her skin after a day of work, and he wondered if her lips tasted like the strawberries he sold her on Sunday.
When she turned, eyes wide, looking like an animal caught in one of his snares, pale pink lips puckered distractingly, daring him to kiss them, he hadn't been able to stop himself.
"Why come work for the mines?" He asked again, pinning her between his body and the cabinets. His mouth moved faster than his good sense. "Looking to slum it?"
She shoved him so hard he nearly tripped backward, startling him into laughter.
"If I were, it wouldn't be with you."
"It would be."
She didn't argue, but she also didn't tell him if she'd volunteered to work the shit shift when he'd asked.
He had to watch from the shadows, like he did on the days when he was making sure that filthy drunk made it there to walk her home, checking to see which woman drew the short straw.
It took two more weeks for it to be Madge again. Two more weeks for him to blow it again.
She'd actually cried that time, succeeding in making Gale feel even more lousy than he normally did after talking to her.
Even if he'd been able to recover the situation, got to hold her hand and help her up, get the tiniest smile out of her with his jab at Abernathy and his weird fascination with her, he'd made her cry. He was too coarse, to hard to be playing with a girl like Madge.
Still, when he'd seen that she was working the next Friday, he'd gone in again.
It was torture, but one he enjoyed too much.
It was a bubble, surreal and wonderful, and he memorized every moment of it.
The end of their dates didn't end on quite the same note as his others, but he loved every moment up to the end.
Most of the time she asked about his siblings, and he got the impression she actually missed the little terrors. His brothers had missed her, still mentioned her and her amazing bust line occasionally. He doubted Madge's memory of them recorded just how perverted the little bastards were even when they were younger.
Gale wasted his questions trying to break his own heart.
He'd ask about her evenings, ask how many boys had proposed, if she could lift her hand under the weight of the ring.
She'd roll her eyes and fire back with a sharp quip, making it abundantly clear there were no dates, no boys, and no weddings in her future.
It would've been easier if there had been. If she'd given him a reason to douse the torch he was carrying for her, kill his hope, maybe he could've moved on.
The death blow never came though.
"What about Abernathy? You telling me he hasn't popped the question yet?"
He was only half joking.
Dirty, cranky, drunken asshole Haymitch Abernathy had some unnatural attachment to Madge, and Gale wasn't the only one that noticed.
"That girl needs to watch her back," one of the men at the Hob had said. "She's a pretty one, probably reminds him of the whores at the Capitol."
Madge wouldn't hear a word against him though.
In the end, Gale supposes she was right. It wasn't Abernathy she needed to watch out for. It was him.
He'd wanted to blame the heat, the broken air conditioner he'd grown so fond of, but the reality was, they'd been building to a boiling point for a while. It was inevitable.
There was an attraction between them and Gale had fanned it by continuing to show up every Friday.
Maybe part of him had had hoped she'd be the sensible one, slap some sense into him, but she hadn't. Madge had been every bit as caught up in the moment as he had.
She was pure oxygen to his fire, and the end result was predictable. They were both consumed.
The scent of her skin, the softness of her hair, the little moans she made as he'd moved against her, are all still seared on his memory, keeping him up at night and making his days bearable.
It had been one moment in ecstasy that he'd done nothing to deserve, and would never be able to earn.
He'd wanted to stay with her, tangled in her body, her breath and sweat mingling with his, but he couldn't. It scared him how much he wanted to stay with her. She deserved so much more than he'd ever be able to provide, and the thought of failing her was too intense.
One way or another, he'd hurt her. It was best to do it early, before the damage was too great.
So he'd gathered up their clothes and gone, leaving Madge with a fragile expression on her delicate features. She thought he used her, and maybe that was for the best. She wouldn't make the same mistake she'd made with him with any other guy.
It was a hard lesson to learn, and even harder to dish out, but it was one she needed.
In some twisted way, he was glad it was him that taught it to her. He could keep his mouth shut, protect her reputation, a lot of other guys would drag her through the mud for the sake of their own egos.
That's how he comforted himself anyways.
He'd ignored her after that, hoping she'd see what a shitty person he was, see she was better off without him and move on to some nice guy from Town that could give her things, treat her nice.
She'd tried to talk to him at least once that he knew of. It had been some kind of sick fortune that his latest fling, a girl whose name he doesn't even remember now, had come up to see him, catching him after he'd washed up in the giant filthy tubs the mining company provided.
Madge had come around the corner of the tin metal building and almost immediately turned back.
He knows she'd been looking for him, there was no other explanation for her being around the wash building, and it had given him some kind of weird satisfaction having her see him like that.
Gale was a jerk, a user, not good for her, and she needed to see that. His life was quick rolls behind crappy buildings and no talking after, she deserved better.
If he'd known he was going to get promoted he wouldn't have pushed her away quite so hard.
It wasn't enough to make him good enough for her, but it at least gave him a bit more status. That was something, and the doubt ebbed a bit.
Maybe he'd be good enough some day. That's what he started telling himself.
The nagging voice inside his head, the one that sounded suspiciously like his mom and had been keeping him up at night, ever since he'd run off on Madge, began to get more insistent after that. Then images of Madge's miserable face, her hurt expression when she'd seen him kissing that girl, had started haunted him.
Sleep became increasingly restless, not at all relaxing or calming.
After that he'd catch glimpses of Madge, head down, dressing more and more drably, until finally he couldn't avoid it anymore. It was his fault she was fading away, and he had to fix it. Assure her it wasn't her fault.
Gale was the one with the problem. He was the one that got spooked by how much he wanted her but couldn't take care of her.
It was his problem, not hers.
He owed Madge more than dinner, he owed her more than just an explanation, but it was as good as he could do for now. Making it up to her would have to come slowly, at least that had been the plan.
If he'd know what she was trying to tell him he definitely wouldn't have tried to do such a good job of being an absolute louse.
It wasn't his problem now, and it wasn't just hers. It was theirs.
Finally, the silence gets too thick and Gale has to break it.
"We can go tomorrow and get the papers," he starts talking. "The Justice Building is open until noon on Saturday. Maybe your dad can speed up the appl-"
"I'm not marrying you, Gale," she cuts him off, wrapping a protective arm across her middle.
He scowls. "Why not?"
She'd said it herself. The pregnancy will be impossible to hide in a few weeks and then they'll ship her off. They need to do it sooner than later.
"You don't want to marry me."
Since Katniss had blown him off he hadn't wanted to marry anyone, hadn't wanted a family. He had enough people depending on him.
Madge is the exception though. He'd marry her, pregnant or not.
The fact that she's got his baby growing in her does make the process a little more urgent, but the end sum is the same.
"Of course I do. You're pregnant. It's mine. We're getting married."
Wasn't she the smart one? This was simple.
"That isn't enough."
It certainly seemed to be for Gale.
"I don't want to marry someone who doesn't love me."
She seems to shrink in front of him, retreating into herself, and Gale feels his chest tighten.
This looks like obligation to her, and he knows nothing he says will change that. He's spent months making her think she was an easy lay for him. No sudden declaration is going to erase that.
He's dug his own grave, now he's got to climb out.
"Look," he tries to reason with her, "would you rather get shipped off to live with a bunch of strangers than marry me?"
He knows he's said the wrong thing the instant the words leave his mouth.
Her teeth grind and her eyes seem to freeze him on the spot.
"After how you've treated me the past few months, I'll happily take the strangers."
And with that she snatches up her jacket and storms out, leaving Gale standing in a pile of pay stubs that had blown to the floor, contemplating just how he's going to fix the mess he's made.
#######
The only light on at the Mayor's house is the kitchen one when Gale finally makes his way there.
He'd gone home first and confessed to his mom what a complete asshole he is.
She'd been appropriately disgusted.
"Gale Hawthorne," she'd sighed, burying her face in her work worn hands. "I have never been so ashamed of you."
"I know," he grumbled. "I screwed up."
"You went passed screwing up when you walked out on that poor girl," she pointed out, still not a ole to look at him. Finally, she sat up, eyes narrowed on him. "Gale, you're going to fix this."
She wouldn't accept anything less.
"How?" He asked. "She hates me."
"I don't blame her."
"Thanks."
"Baby," she wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed his hair. "I love you more than life itself, but you made a pig's ear of this."
And if he wanted a silk purse he was the only one that could do it.
"Just show her you care. Get her to see that you're a good guy."
He wanted to tell her he wasn't a good guy, he's a genuine article dirtbag, but couldn't force himself to say the words.
His mom's good opinion of him, even if it's more than a little tarnished now, means the world to him.
Instead, he'd smiled, kissed her cheek, and promised to make things right.
He hoped it wasn't a lie.
So he'd decided to talk to Madge again, on her ground this time, give her the upper hand.
When he knocks on the door the housekeeper answers, her ancient face pulled back in a scowl.
"What?"
Ignoring her tone, Gale forces a smile. "I came to see Madge."
She narrows her hawk-like eyes, inspecting him closer, cataloging ever smear of dirt and fleck of mud on his pants and shirt.
"I know you," she huffs. "Ran out of girls in the Seam to screw?"
Grinding his teeth, Gale forces himself to not snap.
"No."
"Just making a special exception for the brat then," she laughs to herself, a little wheezy. "I always knew she'd end up in the gutter."
He starts to tell her that isn't what he meant, but gets hung up on her cold regard for Madge.
It's barely processed in his head when she tells him to stay outside.
"I'll get the girl."
The door shuts with a snap and Gale glares at the lacy curtains through the glass as he waits.
It's nearly ten minutes later when Madge finally emerges.
She's puffy eyed, and Gale has the sinking suspicion she'd been crying, maybe since they'd talked earlier. Her nightgown does a poorer job of hiding her stomach than her sweater and frumpy skirt, and Gale can't believe her parents and that awful housekeeper have failed to noticed the reason for her weight gain.
Sighing, she presses her palms to her forehead, physically holding off a headache. "What do you want, Gale?"
His mouth dries as he tries to think of what he'd planned out to say. It had sounded eloquent in his head, no way she could argue against it.
Instead, he glares.
Standing in front her steals his wits, reduces him down to his dullest parts, and that means falling back on his tried and failed habits.
"Changed your mind yet?"
Eyes narrowing, she turns on her heels. "No."
Catching her by the elbow, Gale tries to recover, no more smoothly than his first attempt.
"Un-Madge wait." He grits his teeth, hating himself for what he's about to say but unable to stop himself saying it. "Think about the baby."
"I am," she snaps. "And I think it'd be better off with no father at all than one that sees it as a consequence and not a blessing."
"I don't see it as a consequence." Whatever that means.
It's a duty, but it would be that even if they were married already. He's its dad, and he won't abandon it. Even if she wants him to.
"You do. You see it and me as mistakes you're stuck with and I won't let my baby grow up feeling like a burden."
She wasn't lying when she said she was thinking about the baby, Gale sees that. Madge is going to be a good mother. She already is.
Her arms wrap around her body protectively and her chin quivers.
"I may not have many choices left, but I know the one I do have. Go find one of your 'dates' and leave me alone. I can take care of myself, and anyone else that comes along."
With one last blazing look, she starts to turn to go, but freezes, her eyes locked on something just over Gale's shoulder.
The blood seems to drain from her face and she swallows thickly.
"Dad?"
Spinning, Gale finds himself staring at the Mayor, his thinning hair badly combed over his balding head and his expression panicked.
"Oh, Pearl," he whispers. "What trouble have you gotten yourself into?"