The Ordinary Life of Chizuru Yukimura

Disclaimer: Hakuouki isn't mine.

It was one of the most awkward dinners she'd ever sat through. It had been days since Chizuru and Kaoru had spent any kind of time together but tonight neither of them had any kind of plans so they sat, each at one end of the table and eating their food in silence. Kaoru still seemed to be a little stiff with her since their conversation even if they had tried to be civil lately. Things were better than they had been but Chizuru wanted to do something. Because it seemed like the problems ran deep.

"Kaoru?" He paused mid mouthful of rice. "I'm sorry. I think you know what for."

"I do." His voice wasn't as hard as it had been so, encouraged, she continued.

"I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt someone. For a joke maybe but… not to really cause pain." He was still her brother after all; the one who had braided her hair when they were kids and their dad hadn't been able to help.

"I haven't given you much reason to believe me have I?"

"We're still family. And I miss the way we used to be…" She missed having a family member who actually spoke to her.

"…Me too." The wistful tone he used caught her by surprise.

"You do?" He'd never given any hint of it before. Kaoru nodded. "So why don't we talk more?"

"I have no idea… It sounds so stupid when you think about it, doesn't it?" When he smiled at her she couldn't help but smile back. He actually wanted to speak to her!

"It does. I feel like we should have tried to talk to each other more."

"I guess we can talk now?" Kaoru stood up and moved to a chair closer to Chizuru.

"OK… Then can I ask you without you getting mad, why did you want to do this?" Kaoru didn't seem surprised that she'd asked; instead he sighed.

"It was for fun… Kind of? Things have been weird for a while so I thought if we did the same stuff we used to do when we were kids…"

"We'd recapture our youth?" She could understand the appeal; it had been fun when they'd spent time messing around together.

"Yeah… But not just that, it's kind of fun. I've liked being 'Kaori', it just kind of works better." He laced his fingers together and placed his hands in his lap.

"So… you feel better as a girl?"

"Not exactly. I just… Maybe I act better as Kaori? Or maybe I feel better?"

"Why didn't you just tell me that you prefer it?"

"I didn't know how to talk about this! I don't even know I feel about it." Chizuru surveyed her brother who still looked very uneasy about this conversation but she wanted to be there for him.

"Well… You can talk to me whenever you want, OK? I'll do what I can. Although… Why did I have to dress as a boy?!"

"You can change it if you want. Though I guess it's a bit late now..." At least he had the decency to look a bit bad about it. "Dad put down that we were a boy and a girl so we had to have one of each. Though it wouldn't have been so much fun if it was just me…"

"I mean, it's not too bad. I would have probably never joined the kendo club otherwise right? I used to avoid this stuff." And perhaps she was discovering a bit of a talent for a sport? Though talent was a strong word… Perhaps, ability to not make a complete idiot of herself would work better.

"Then something good came out of it, right?"

"And you and Shin?"

"He's… nice? Awkward though."

"He's scared of women so you won't see just how loud and annoying he can be."

"Oh really?" He tapped his chin and smirked. "Any more suggestions?"

"If I get anything else I'll tell you. Assuming you're serious about him."

"We'll see how it goes." It hadn't been a no. "I'm not sure what he'd say if he really knew."

"He's a nice guy so hopefully he'd be decent about it."

"You think?"

"I mean, he might be a little mad… But if you're honest and if you like him…" I need to get better at this advice giving thing. "Is that what you like the most about being 'Kaori'?"

"It's only one of the reasons. Because he wouldn't like a boy would he?"

"I couldn't say. But you never know if you don't try!" I'm not exactly sure what I'm cheering for right now.

"Thanks Chizuru…" Kaoru was actually blushing. Blushing. She could see why Shin found him so cute.

"Thanks for talking to me." It had been the closest they'd felt to each other for a long time.

"And you can talk to me if you need to. Whenever you want." He looked so relaxed and in such a good mood, she figured she would bite the bullet. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be.

"There is… one thing."

"Yeah?"

"I lose."

"What?"

"I've been found out, you win." It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, even if she was dreading the reaction. "Since last month."

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" Kaoru folded his arms.

"Yes! Just, I don't know, I didn't want to be out yet."

"Who is it and what do they know?" That he wasn't yelling was a good sign right?

"Souji and Sano-senpai both found out first in a changing room…"

"Ha! I thought that would happen! This is why you don't do sports, it is just terrible."

"I was forced into it! By Heisuke! Who also knows… But apparently he always guessed, he just didn't want to be insensitive."

"Huh. They know why as well I take it?"

"Yeah…"

"And about me?"

"That too, yes."

"Hmmm." Kaoru sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, brow furrowed. Chizuru waited for whatever judgement she was going to be given. "You think they'll tell anyone else?"

"They won't." They were trustworthy enough in her opinion.

"So we can carry on for now."

"I'd like to. It would be weird if we stopped now wouldn't it?"

"And if we're both still happy with it, it's not so bad." She nodded. "OK so, now there's only one thing left…"

"Which is?" She could already tell but she'd let him give her the bad news.

"We need to work out what you have to do for your penalty." His mouth curved into a smirk.

"What are your demands?" Kaoru laughed.

"Since you were, eventually, honest, I'll be merciful and give you something easy."

"Alright, get it over with now." It would be something playing on her social difficulties.

"I think you're missing one thing from your high school experience."

"Which is?"

"Going on a date!" And there it is.

"With who?!" Who could she actually ask?

"Whoever you want to go on a date with."

"I don't want to date anyone."

"Pick someone random. Girl, guy, whatever. Just do it."

"You realise I might not be able to do it?"

"You can at least try right? And if it doesn't work I'll find you something else."

"Well… OK. It's going to be terrible though."

"You never know; it could end up being one of the best things you do!"

"Doubtful." She was happier letting him be the sociable twin thank you very much.

-Page Break-

"Ruoooo!" Heisuke was waving at her with full energy, arm flailing around like some kind of crazed metronome. That he hadn't changed how he acted towards her at all was comforting.

Chizuru made her way across the bridge towards him, mind still reeling from Kaoru's demands. Not that she'd admit it to Heisuke; he couldn't know what she'd been told to do or he'd likely try to 'help'. She could foresee him pushing her towards some random girl and yelling 'go for it!'

"Are you ready?"

"Probably. For what?" He paused, his expression frozen.

"I didn't tell you?" Chizuru shook her head.

"You just said to meet you here."

"Ahhh stupid!" Heisuke slapped himself on the forehead. "We're going to the park."

"The park."

"Yeah! We usually swim in the river… You don't have to though if you don't want to," he quickly added.

"I probably won't…"

"It's more fun than it sounds really. We've gone there every summer since we were small so it's kind of traditional at this point."

"It sounds great. Really." I hope that didn't sound sarcastic.

"It will be great! Now let's go!" Heisuke put his hands on her shoulders and began guiding her down the river.

"Are we going to walk all the way like this?"

"Yes!" Oh God.

Ten minutes. That was how long she was marched like this. By the end of it they were both laughing too hard to walk properly and they were swerving all over the path, generally annoying anyone in their way.

They were the last to arrive and their approach was being observed by their staring classmates. For once, Chizuru was too busy laughing and leaning on Heisuke to care about any judgement.

"You two look happy." Sano pushed a bag into Heisuke's arms. "Now carry that."

"What is all this shit?"

"Food for everyone. Growing boys need lots of food and I know you'll be stuffing yourself with half of it so you can carry it."

"But it's so heavy!" Heisuke could really pull off a whine when he wanted to.

"Consider it weight training," Shin laughed as they began moving into the green space ahead of them.

"Good luck~." Souji moved quickly past with Hijikata and Saito. Chizuru took one look at Heisuke's pitiful face and sighed as the guilt kicked in.

"Give me a handle."

"Ruo! You're my new favourite."

"Thank you." It was still heavy and they looked stupid swinging a heavy bag between them but hey, you had to help friends.

"The tinies are joining forces guys, look out!"

"Fear our power Shin!"

"When you start beating him in practice maybe he'll fear you." Hijikata didn't even pause as Heisuke started spluttering.

"We need to combine somehow Ruo. Then we can defeat them."

"Like in those kids shows with the robots stacking together?"

"Exactly!"

Chizuru tried to shake off the image of what that might look like and focused on following them to the riverside, the grassy riverbank long trodden over by generations of teenagers. The river wasn't especially deep in any part of its length through the town, but here there one or two deeper sections interspersed amongst the rocks, perfect for a dip. And a barbecue apparently.

"Are we allowed to start fires here?" Shin had pulled out a portable barbecue from his backpack with the maniacal grin of an arsonist.

"Who cares?" At least now she could say she'd tried. And with that in mind, she helped Heisuke dump the food by the set up and went to sit by the riverside. The water was actually clean here, a rare occurrence in suburban streams so she figured she would cool off her feet after all that walking.

She was so warm the water felt like ice as she plunged them in, a bit of a shock but pretty soothing once you got used to it. She placed her hands on the mud and leant back with a deep sigh. This was exactly what she'd needed it seemed.

"Banzai!" Shin actually jumped into all 3 feet of the water. It was only lucky he didn't hurt himself.

"If you get concussed again I am not taking you to the hospital!" Sano waved his spatula threateningly from the barbecue set up before bringing it down to slap Heisuke as he tried to sneak one of the tomatoes. Souji meanwhile was also stripping off, ready to join Shin in the water. Of course this brought up some serious bathhouse flashbacks and she had to look away.

I don't know why this is a problem! I don't mind Sano or Heisuke! I saw them naked! Maybe it had been because he'd been so much closer than the others or maybe because he was actually enough of an ass to mock her. She was just going to ignore him and look at all the pretty water. And look for fish.

"Hello." She hadn't even noticed Saito coming over.

"Oh! Hi!" He nodded and removed his own shoes, dipping his feet in beside hers and closing his eyes.

They hadn't really talked properly in the time that she'd known him but she could appreciate that he was a shy and awkward individual. It made a nice change to be around someone who appreciated things a little quieter, especially as silences with Sato were companionable. Indeed, they sat in silence for a while before they were disturbed.

"Is it good?"

"It's refreshing." Saito answered Hijikata with his eyes still closed. The older boy shrugged and sat down next to Saito.

"Aren't you going swimming?" Chizuru still felt the need to make some conversation with this guy while she was working him out. He was nice she thought but not easy to read.

"It's not really swimming at these depths, more extreme paddling."

"Is it extreme?"

"Probably not. I'm sure one of them will get an injury or do something stupid though." Hijikata's brow furrowed; there was a good chance he'd have a deep wrinkle there later from all the idiocy he had to suffer with.

"You're probably right…"

"Right, go over there!"

"What! Why?!"

"Because you're being a pain in my ass! Now go!"

"So mean!"

"Leave!" The three by the river just ignored the bickering behind them and Heisuke as he stomped past, sitting himself on a rock in the middle of the water where he could sulk. This was of course the signal for Souji and Shin to start splashing him.

"Can I ask you something, Hijikata-senpai?"

"Of course."

"Where do you get all your patience?"

"I remind myself that I'm graduating this year." Chizuru supressed a laugh. "You smile but you've just started. You have three years of it."

"Oh no…" This wasn't the worst thing in the world she decided. "Who'll be captain after you leave?"

"Sano or Souji. Probably Sano." As he was already used to bossing everyone around it seemed a good choice. Although she did wonder why he hadn't considered Saito.

"Umm…" She glanced at the still silent boy.

"Saito would hate to be captain," Hijikata answered before she asked.

"I would hate it. Please don't do it." The idea of it just seemed to horrify him.

"Ohh, I see." He didn't feel like he was older than her.

It was easy in this little bubble they had to ignore the three running around and splashing each other, especially with the calm atmosphere Saito and Hijikata brought about. It was quintessential summer experience, one she had never really had. And the smell of the cooking meat behind them was tantalising.

"Alright, come and get some before Heisuke gets it all!"

"Hey!"

Sano was the one cooking for a reason and this was obvious with how well done the food was. Chizuru hadn't eaten something cooked outside in a long time so she'd forgotten how much better it was; like a flood of joy in her mouth. Barbecue beef, grilled mushrooms and sweetcorn. Simple but great.

"Marry me Sano," Hijikata sighed after his first mouthful.

"At least buy me a ring before you ask something like that."

"Plus he's already promised to me. We'd have to have a duel." Shin held up a stick in a threatening manner.

"And then I'll surprise all of you and marry Saito." The quiet boy started spluttering.

"What?!"

"Why don't you all marry each other?"

"I don't think that's legal Souji."

"Shame…" Their weird sense of humour was becoming infectious because she couldn't stop laughing.

-Page Break-

It wasn't until the sun began to set and the sky glowed orange that their little party seemed to slow down. They'd been there for hours but it had been one of the laziest things she'd ever done and pretty good for the soul.

It was enough to stop her thinking about Kaoru's demands although now everyone was starting to disperse, she was beginning to think about it again. Getting the space hadn't given her any more ideas on how to deal with it, that was for sure.

He did say I could do something else… But what if it ends up being worse? Few things were worse than this honestly but Kaoru would think of something. But who could she ask? The girls were all out, she knew none of them. And as for the guys…

Chizuru glanced at Heisuke, still enduring Shin's bullying. He was nice enough but that would be weird. He was basically her best friend at this point and as for Shin… he was a no no for obvious reasons.

Hijikata was scary and Saito would be petrified all day so that left her with two options; Sano or Souji. Neither of them would probably mind even if they were both terrifying.

Sano was nicer, that was for sure but Souji… she couldn't think of any pros of asking him really. Logically Sano was the best choice since, even if he teased her, they would still have a nice time right? Although she had spent more alone time with Souji…

And what if they don't want to be seen on a date with another guy? This is too hard…

"Ruo? You coming?"

"Huh?" Heisuke was still here but Sano was long gone and inwardly she cursed.

"Umm…" She could see Souji was still talking to Hijikata. "You go ahead, I have to do something first."

"OK…?" Fortunately he didn't press her and walked away with a lazy wave behind him.

"Souji-senpai!" It had come out louder than she intended it to and both Souji and Hijikata looked startled. "Can I speak to you?" Her heart was hammering away like crazy just thinking about it.

"Sure I guess?"

"I'll see you two later." Hijikata didn't even seem curious as to why. It wasn't until he was gone that Souji turned to her.

"So what do you want?"

"It's…" She glanced to see who was around. "Can we go somewhere quieter?"

"Very suspicious but OK." She led him just off the path and closer to some foliage where hopefully no one would see or hear her awkwardness.

"OK…."

"I can already tell this is going to be intense."

"A little." She was going to ask him something really weird.

"So…?"

"I, er, told Kaoru what happened. And we had a pretty good conversation."

"That's good?"

"But he gave me a punishment for getting caught first."

"And I come in here, right?" He was smirking more.

"If you want to… I've been told I have to 'experience high school properly' by asking someone on a date…" Oh god, this was embarrassing. She was feeling nauseous just thinking about what she'd just done.

"You want me to go on a date with you then?" He actually seemed confused by this. She was just worried about him getting angry.

"Yeah… I thought it would be better if it was someone who knew."

"Any other reason you're asking me?" He was still unreadable at this point.

"I mean… I figured we get on OK?"

"And why not Heisuke?"

"Because he's Heisuke! He's… you know, my best friend." It would've been too weird to her. "You don't have to agree if you don't want to."

"I didn't say I wouldn't."

"So you might?!"

"There's a festival on Saturday. One of those small town deals, nothing much. We can do that."

"…You really don't mind?" This had to be a joke right?

"Not like I have anything else to do."

"…Thanks Senpai." He was always surprising her by being nicer than she thought he'd be.

"You're treating me though."

"Of course! Wait, you don't mind being seen on a date with a guy?"

"It doesn't bother me. And I'm sure I'll get something out of this later." And now he was smirking.

"How?"

"We can decide that later." Maybe I've just made a deal with another devil. "4pm here on Saturday. See you then."

"Yeah… sounds good!" I think?! It was only when he had moved out of sight that she allowed herself to collapse to the floor in a fit of embarrassment. Never would she do anything like that again.

So it's been four years since I've updated any of my fanfictions… Here's to hoping I do eventually finish them even if at the current rate it'll probably take a decade!