The Ordinary Life of Chizuru Yukimura

Disclaimer: Hakuouki isn't mine.

The first day back at school after a long holiday always felt depressing. Not only did you have to get back to serious work time but things were going to be getting colder as Autumn and Winter drew closer. But Chizuru had another layer of stress to add to an already stressful day.

This was going to be the first time she'd seen Souji since their 'date' and she was dreading it with a passion. Not because she hadn't enjoyed their date but because she had perhaps enjoyed it too much. Souji hadn't exactly made it easy for her; he had made it weird! Or perhaps she was the one who had made it weird in the first place.

And Kaoru was no help either. He was the only person she could talk to about this but all he did was repeatedly to tell her to 'think things over more' or to 'read a shoujo manga' and 'for the love of God Chizu, you're killing me here!' She could guess at what he meant but she didn't want to consider it. Because she was not sure if she could handle it.

Chizuru had replayed the kiss a few times in her head but it didn't get any easier to consider meeting him in person again. But as she dragged her feet to school, her body felt heavier and heavier. Every time she could see another pack of students passing by, she tensed up. Kaoru was even looking sorry for her at this point.

"You really have nothing to worry about. At least he knows who you really are." She felt a little guilty for her fretting when Kaoru had this to deal with too.

"Are you ever going to… you know what I mean?" Luckily he understood her mannerisms by now.

"No idea. But don't forget about that."

"You're right." Her brother was much smarter than her when it came to people. "I just don't want to look stupid."

"Things are always easier when you stop worrying about looking stupid. But I know that's hard for you." Kaoru patted her on the shoulder. "Just don't do the thing."

"What thing?!"

"Where you choke on air."

"I don-. Oh. OK, you have a point." Thinking about it was going to make her more likely to do it.

"Good luck." He patted her on the head and then moved on, jogging to meet up with a group of girls in their class.

Chizuru sighed and carried on. She was going to duck into the school building and get to her classroom, avoiding Souji and also Shin so she had time to work out what to say to them. Or to deal with her strong emotions.

Chizuru was so tense when she finally got into her classroom that she slumped down into her seat, shoulders aching as the tension left them. Her classmates were all chattering around her with each other; she still hadn't bonded with anyone else in the class. Perhaps it was because she had fallen into the kendo club weird gang?

"Yo Ruo!" Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Though Heisuke was too cheery to be considered a devil. "Where ya been?"

"Around?" They had hung out a lot over the summer so he should know what she'd been doing.

"Shin said he saw you at the festival," Heisuke announced as he sat down in front of her. Shit. "Why didn't you guys invite me?!"

"Um…" How did she explain this? "We just kinda ran into each other."

"I wish I'd gone too… But I got stuck on this level on a video game and kinda forgot the time."

"Maybe next year we can go together." She and Kaoru would likely be here for at least high school.

"Only if you buy me all the candy."

"Fine."

Either Shin hadn't mentioned the date or Heisuke was just too oblivious to notice when it was being discussed. But she could only be relieved by this; maybe no one else knew? She had to be hopeful.

"Ahh this sucks." Heisuke slouched onto her desk. "Practice is gonna get way more intense."

"Why?"

"Fall tournaments. Hijikata will wanna do it but it's such a pain in the ass."

"We compete?!"

"Apparently. I don't know if we do that well but it's worth a try I guess." Heisuke didn't sound convinced but Chizuru had already fixated on something else.

"I definitely wouldn't be asked right?" She had little experience and she wasn't as good as the others.

"I dunno. Would you want to?"

"No." Heisuke tilted his head, brow wrinkling in confusion.

"Why not?"

"This isn't a serious sport for me. And you know…" She gestured at herself. Slowly a light seemed to come on in his eyes.

"Ohh! That's a good point! I don't know how the rules go for that actually… I don't normally do tournaments; I get out of it." He looked almost proud of this fact.

"It would be safer for me to do that." She didn't want to risk accidentally breaking a rule.

"You can just say you'd rather watch as a first year anyway."

"That's a good idea!"

"I have 'em sometimes!" He looked very proud of himself. "Hijikata'll want to do one since it's his last year and the second years all love it. So we can slack off while they work hard."

"I don't think we can do that."

"Awww…." He looked too disappointed by this.

"Teacher's coming!" Chizuru and Heisuke rushed to stand up as Sannan walked in, conversation halted for now.

-Page Break-

Chizuru had been dreading it all day. Normally she encountered the others from the kendo club over the day but she'd been cautious, sticking to her classroom and avoiding the places the second years would normally congregate. But at Kendo club there was nowhere to hide. She and Heisuke walked in, her trailing a little behind.

When she saw Souji, she quickly averted her eyes. She couldn't look at him without feeling at least a little freaked out. Nor could she really look at Shin… What if he made a comment?

"You two are late!" Hijikata neither knew nor cared about her inner trauma.

"Our last class only just finished!"

"Sorry!" Chizuru quickly added to apologise for her classmate's rudeness.

"Well sit down. I need to talk to you all before we start." Heisuke sat by Shin and Chizuru reluctantly sat on his other side. "You probably already know what I'm going to say."

"We have to work super hard to get ready for the fall Kendo tournament?" Sano parroted the phrase as if bored.

"Exactly. It's in a month so we need to get started. Sano, Souji, Saito and Shin, we'll be the main team. Heisuke will be the stand in just in case anything goes wrong and Ruo… You can just observe. But I'd watch carefully, so you can see how things are done."

"OK!" It seemed some deity was smiling on her this day. She didn't have to think up some random reason as to why she couldn't do it.

"It's a shame we don't have any girls." Chizuru froze. It was Sano talking and she had to avoid reacting.

"Maybe we should get Shin's girlfriend to join." She could hear the smirk in his voice as Souji hopped in. Chizuru gulped.

"We don't need any girls to compete."

"We might have to play some since it's mixed though." And now she understood why he'd mentioned it. She glanced to Sano who met her eye and winked. It was a miniscule gesture but she understood; he wanted to make sure she didn't worry about it.

Sano is such a good guy! He was a lot more considerate than he appeared and she was thankful for it.

"I don't know if Shin will be able to handle that." When she glanced at Souji, he looked at her as if sensing her gaze. And of course she had to look away like nervous fool. Fortunately Shin was enough of a distraction so no one noticed.

"I can handle women! I can beat up girls!"

"You beat girls? Ruo, Shin's been beating up your sister."

"No I haven't!" This guy just never stopped being bullied.

"You'd have to be brave to do that Senpai."

"But I wouldn't!" As Chizuru, the quietest of his underlings joined in, he whined pitifully and slumped down.

"Can we move on to practice and bully Shin afterwards please?" He moaned further as Hijikata even joined in.

"Yes Captain!" Everyone chorused.

The best part of Kendo, her face would be covered by the helmet so making eye contact would be near impossible. But she still hesitated when she walked past him. She was usually paired with Heisuke and today was no exception, much to her relief.

I can't avoid him forever. I shouldn't either, I was the one who asked him on a date! She needed to learn to deal with it and to actually confront her problems head on. She'd talked to Kaoru and actually done the date, that was something right? They got to the end of practice, achy and sweaty when Hijikata sent them on their run around the school.

Chizuru was never going to be good at running, something she'd always accepted about herself. So when the others sped off, she hung back, slowing to a near walk after a point and panting away. This was almost making her crave winter and its subarctic temperatures.

Up ahead, she could spot a familiar figure sitting on a low wall and she gradually came to a halt. He didn't look like he was struggling like he had the first time she'd met him in this position. Now she was the one struggling…

They were alone, only the far off cries of the baseball team to be heard. It was what she'd been avoiding but maybe this would be easier; no one else would be there to witness any awkwardness or ask any questions.

"Before you say anything, I stopped before it got bad," Souji announced when she got close. That had broken the ice.

"That's. Good. So you should."

"Are you managing the run?"

"Yes…" Her red face and heavy breathing said otherwise. "I should try to-."

"Are you avoiding me?" And there it was. He didn't look angry at her, but she couldn't tell what exactly he was thinking.

"I…" She could lie but what good would that do? "A little." She interlaced her fingers and tried not to panic.

"Because of?" She froze a little. He didn't know? "Is it because I kissed you?" Or perhaps he did.

"Kind of… I just… I don't know." She wasn't sure how to word it. But she could think of one thing she'd wanted to know. "Why?"

"Why did I kiss you?"

"That."

"It just seemed like the right thing to do at the same time." Did that even make sense? Chizuru must've had a blank face because he then added, "you really never had that happen before?"

"No…"

"Oh." He had to pity her right now.

"Do you just do that all the time?"

"If I want to kiss someone, yes."

Want to kiss… So he wants to kiss me?! This idea was stuck in her head and rapidly spiralling. But she couldn't get why someone would want to, especially Souji who seemed by all accounts, relatively self-confident. He was watching her likely changing face with a little smile.

"So you want to kiss me?" If she squeaked a little, she wouldn't admit it.

"That would be implied yes."

"Oh…" She hadn't really had much interest in that area before. She didn't stand out enough to get a lot of interest and she didn't seek it out either. She was not outgoing enough to consider it normally. And she'd never heard anyone say something like that so openly either.

"You want some advice?" She jolted.

"About what?"

"Life is short and fragile. So if you want to do something just do it. Because you never know which day could be your last."

"That was deep." It had surprised her. "Is that what you do?"

"I try to." It explained a lot. "Now," he stood and stretched. "We should get back."

"Oh! Yeah!" She fell into a jog beside him.

She was happy to be running and not carrying on that conversation. Because it sounded like he'd basically admitted to having feelings for her and what the hell did she do with that? She couldn't decide what she felt about him either. Was convenience the only reason she'd asked him?

I really don't know… Chizuru tried to shake it off, instead focusing on keeping breathing and not collapsing from exhaustion. Of course they were the last ones back and Hijikata was waiting for them.

"Faster than last time," he said to Chizuru. "Keep it up."

"Thank you!" Harsh as he was, he was actually good at motivating people.

When Souji stopped to talk to him, Chizuru took it as an opportunity to flee. That conversation had already taken enough out of her and she was confused about where to go from here. It wasn't like they could openly date was it? Not that she wanted to… Of course not…

Ugh. I'm a mess… Chizuru slipped out of the clubhouse and towards the entrance; alone again and time to think. Maybe she could convene with Kaoru on what to do next.

"Slipping home?" How is he so fast?!

"Y-Yes! See you tomorrow?"

"Are you free Saturday?" She froze.

"I, um…" He was looking serious enough now. "I am."

"Great." Souji smiled. "Meet me at the bridge at 10, Ok?"

"OK!" Souji waved and walked away. Forget convening, she needed an emergency conference because now, as Sano would say, she was truly fucked.