Disclaimer: I'm just playing with Suzanne Collins' characters and her world. They're hers. Not mine. Any lines from the books are hers too.
AN: Is this good? No, no it is not. It's just a silly story-a few scenes that could have fit in the college au if it weren't done, mostly made to distract myself from the weather, so hopefully it'll give some of y'all a little amusement. I'm trying to get into writing again, but it's a slow go, and I'm working on stuff outside the fandom mostly. Anyways, hopefully this is good for a laugh.
Membership
Madge regrets telling her friends she's on her parent's big box store membership immediately.
"How long?" Katniss asks, her expression one of someone experiencing an ultimate betrayal.
Shrugging, Madge answered, "I've been on it since high school."
She hadn't seen what the big deal was.
"You know they have free samples, right?"
Madge simply stared at her for a moment, her mind processing the shear ridiculousness of what she'd just heard. Then she sighed, pressed her fingers to her temples.
"Are you kidding?" She was mad she'd missed out on free samples?
Peeta had placed a hand on Madge's shoulder, fixed her in a steady gaze.
"It's food, Madge. Katniss doesn't joke about food."
When they'd told Gale, he'd acted just as wronged.
"I could've been buying in bulk all this time," he'd told her. "Seasonings and-oh god-do they have hunting equipment? What've I been missing out on?"
Despite not thinking they've been denied quite as much as they think they have, Madge had invited them to go with her when she'd gone for a pick up for her grandpa's shop.
They could go in, see it wasn't some sample-laden amusement park, and Madge could save her Poppa a trip to the city. It was a winning plan. In theory.
Katniss had sniffed the air, her lips twitching, the moment they'd walked in, on a rainy Saturday morning.
"I smell food," she'd mumbled to herself, right before adding something about pork and vanishing into the fathomless depths of the store.
Peeta had spotted something, some kind of art supply kit, and trotted off shortly after.
That had left Madge to try to keep Gale focused. She didn't want to be there for hours, trapped chasing her friends.
She should've known he'd get her off track. His stomach is as bottomless as Katniss'.
"Look at these prices," he tells her, picking up a bag of jerky next to a man giving away samples. "I mean, the quality isn't my homemade standard, but in a pinch."
He grabs a handful of samples, earning him a glare from the old man.
"Not bad," Gale grunts as he gnaws on the tiny cuts of dried meat, grabbing two more bags and throwing them in his basket.
The decision to purchase several of his wares must appease the old man, because he doesn't utter so much as a sharp word at Gale, just turns his attention to the next person approaching his table.
Making their way across the store, Gale snatches up a pack of batteries, a cooler, and flips through a booklet for a karaoke machine.
"You hate karaoke," Madge reminds him, eyeing him suspiciously as he reads through the songs.
He nods, tosses the book back on the display, shrugs.
"Doesn't hurt to look."
Right. He's up to something, but before Madge can question his sudden interest more, his eyes light up.
"Is this for real?"
Turning, Madge squints into the distance, to the back wall near the pharmacy.
Not seeing anything, Madge starts to ask him what is so exciting, then she spots it.
"Condoms in bulk?"
Madge stops him before he can rush over, puts a hand to his chest. "No."
"I just want to look at the pri-"
"No."
"But-"
That is not the image she wants at the check out. The girl with the bulk condom purchase. Couple that with the chocolate making supplies she's still got to purchase...it wouldn't paint wholesome picture.
"Think of the money we'd save," Gale quickly tells her.
"I'm not checking out with melting chocolates and bulk packaged condoms, Gale," she tells him through gritted teeth. "Do you know what that would look like?"
He shrugs. "Like we have a healthy, safe, and interesting sex life."
Madge snorts. That was pretty funny. It doesn't change her mind though.
"No."
Casting a baleful look over her head, Gale finally pushes the basket down another aisle.
As Madge is trying to avoid three packs of lubricating jelly, skillfully diverting Gale's attention to some energy drinks that are on special, Peeta appears, an institutional sized bag of sugar over his shoulder.
"Can I put this under your basket?" He asks, not waiting for an answer as he effortlessly shift the sack and tosses it onto the lower rack.
"You see the condoms?"
Madge closes her eyes. This is ridiculous.
Peeta nods.
"Yeah," he stuffs his hands in his pockets. "It's not as good a deal as you'd think."
Madge groans.
"Is that all you guys think about?"
Chuckling, Peeta shrugs. "What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good deal. And tragically, that isn't one."
Gale makes a disbelieving noise.
"You have coupons, don't you Mellark?"
Peeta grins sheepishly. "I might."
Rolling her eyes, Madge can't help but laugh.
#######
Peeta has disappeared again when Madge returns from the bathroom, where she'd taken refuge when he'd produced his condom coupons.
"I can't believe you carry those around with you," she'd muttered.
"I can't believe you carry those but not an actual condom," Gale added, looking disgusted at the lack of preparedness.
"Well I had one, but-"
"I'm going to the bathroom."
Madge did not need to hear the fate of Peeta's billfold condom. At all.
Mercifully, they'd wandered out of the pharmacy after that, to the produce and bakery, then the freezers.
They've been in the frozen food section for nearly half an hour, checking every shelf for a deal, as Madge slowly loses feeling in her extremities.
"I love these," Gale mutters, opening the next door and grabbing a bulk sized bag of some kind of frozen breakfast burrito. "This'll last me a week."
Madge refrains from pointing out that a bag that size would last normal people without a small family to feed several months, mostly because she knows he's right. He eats more than a hobbit.
"It doesn't say I can only have one sample," someone says from the end of the aisle, and Madge groans.
Turning slowly, she spots Katniss, her glare fixed on a terse looking woman in a hairnet serving what appears to be something grilled and spicy.
"You've had five," the woman grumbles.
"What's the limit?" Katniss snaps back.
Certain Katniss is about to get her family's membership revoked, Madge leaves Gale to rescue the poor lady. She doesn't get paid enough to deal with a girl who's been kicked out of buffets for attempting to hold them to the 'all you can eat' part of their names.
"Katniss stop," she gently tells her, forcing a smile for the woman. "I-uh-we're going. I'm very sorry."
Katniss doesn't protest, but she does snatch a final sample from the table, earning an exasperated sigh from the woman.
"No limit," she grumbles as she shoves the sample wholly into her mouth, casting a dark look over her shoulder.
"We've talked about this…" Madge mutters, more to herself than her friend. This was just like that time at the food court at the mall.
Without acknowledging Madge, Katniss latches onto a basket. It's as alarmingly full as the one Gale is still loading down.
He grunts an acknowledgment when they reach him, still mentally calculating the price per unit of his newest find, before smiling to himself and tossing his next purchase into the basket. Before saying anything he notices a bag of something Katniss has pilfered, picks it up and examines it.
"Two for one, two aisles down," she tells him without waiting for the question.
"Hn," he grunts, tossing the bag back. "You try those sausages by the cheeses?"
She nods. "I got three before they ran out."
Gale smirks. "I got five."
Madge presses her fingers to her eyes.
He'd tried for six, but she'd slapped his hand as he'd gone back for another.
"Madge," he'd complained, "this is a billion dollar company. I should be able to have as many samples as I want."
"There are children staring at you."
"Because they're jealous."
Or because they'd never seen a grown adult shove that many bite sized snacks into their mouths at once. They were concerned he was going to choke, not jealous.
Katniss rolls her eyes, but doesn't comment further, just glances around.
"Where's Peeta?"
Shrugging, Madge waves a hand back towards the front of the store.
"We lost him after you." She carefully thinks through her next sentence. "Last we saw he was in the pharmacy."
Perfect. No mention of condoms, bulk or otherwise.
A lopsided grin ticks up at the edges of Gale's lips.
"I saw him up at the electronics," he tells her, his voice suspiciously even. His smile widens. "By the all-in-one karaoke machine."
The color drains from Katniss' face.
"No."
"I told him I'd seen Cindy Lauper on the list of available artists."
Katniss makes a noise, probably a swear, as she steers her basket quickly away, not even looking at Gale as she tosses a hateful look his way and heads off to find her boyfriend. "I hate you."
"He's got the range," Gale shouts as she rounds the corner, flipping him off as she vanishes.
Straining, Madge thinks she hears the faint tones of someone singing about girls wanting to have fun, but shakes the thought away. Peeta always goes for Shania and Celine for his first line karaoke choices.
Shooting Gale an exasperated look, Madge let's out a long sigh.
"We're going to have a long ride home."
Gale chuckles. "Worth it."
Madge snorts.
He wraps an arm around her and steers his heavily laden basket down the aisle, toward the two for one deal Katniss had mentioned.