PART 1: Take me back to the night we met

Marjan glanced down at her mark, the outlined crescent moon glittering prominently on her forearm. Her symbol was relatively small, only about two inches tall, and the widest part, the centre of the moon, was around half an inch wide. She often considered herself to be lucky; the positioning and size of her mark allowed her to keep it hidden by her choice in modest clothing. Although, there was no need to hide the mark these days, it was merely a comfort level, a personal decision that she made as she was growing up.

True soulmates were extremely rare, and thus many chose to use their mark more of a guideline, to help assess good fit for a partner. Related scientific research, while still in its infancy stages, hasn't been able to make many clear conclusions surrounding the marks. So far all it has shown was how much was still unknown about them. No one knew for sure how they actually worked, but the general consensus was that the more the partners 'fit' together, the more full their mark would become.

Marjan let out a deep sigh as she carefully traced around her mark - it still wasn't full. Ever since the arrangement was made between her parents and Salim's parents back when they were twelve, little stars had slowly started appearing in her tattoo. Some of the stars were large, while others were tiny, and some even overlapped. But there were spaces when her unmarked skin broke through.

Marjan often pondered what that meant. Her and Salim were thick as thieves growing up. She could remember them playing together in each other's backyards, as their houses were on the same street. They would run around like wild children, daring each other to do crazy stunts, like who could climb the tree the fastest, or jump the highest with their bikes on a ramp they had thrown together. Marjan could see her mother's face in her mind like it was yesterday, her hands on her hips and shaking her head at the two of them as they tried to explain their latest stunt.

Perhaps it was the distance that had grown between them. Salim had always been supportive of her pursuing her dream to be a firefighter, to help people. When the opportunity came knocking by the way of the Strands, she only had to take one look at him to know that he fully supported her coming here, to help rebuild the 126. But between her crazy shift schedule and Salim finishing up his schooling and juggling the demands of both of their families, they rarely talked anymore.

Maybe tonight would help. Salim had texted her rather last minute that he was in Austin and she had invited him to come to their derby game. The rest of the 126 planned to be in attendance as well and she thought it was an excellent time to finally introduce both parts of her family. Pulling back down her sleeve, she took a glance in the mirror, deciding at the last minute to add a touch more of lipstick. Tucking in an errant strand of hair into her hijab and nodding at her reflection, she reached down to grab her skates and head out to her car.

XXXXX

Marjan let out a big grin as her team came out for warm-up. She could hear Salim in the crowd cheering for her, and saw her teammates on the bleachers nearby. Marjan was surprised but happy to see that Tommy and Nancy had also come out to the game. Ever since Tim passed away, the division between paramedics and firefighters had only seemed to be more prominent. She wasn't sure who passed on the invite, but she was glad that they did. On her next lap, she made sure to wave at all her family and then refocused on the game at hand.

The game was definitely a challenge, but they had managed to come out on top. After declining invites to go out with the rest of the team to celebrate and promising that she would make it the next time, Marjan came out of the change rooms still slightly out of breath. She almost laughed out loud at Paul's protective posturing, but quickly reassured him that she knew Salim, and proceeded with introducing him to the rest of the team.

Marjan couldn't help but feel a bit of sadness at her co-worker's reactions. Paul had a look of understanding on his face, you couldn't get anything by that man, but Mateo looked shocked. She knew Mateo had a bit of a crush on her, but he had to know that it wasn't going to go anywhere, right? And she could tell that T.K. was trying to follow Carlos's calm and cool reaction, but it wasn't working very well for him. Nancy had a pained expression on her face that Marjan couldn't figure out at all. Marjan didn't know Nancy very well though, perhaps this was somehow reminding her of Tim? Had they been together in any romantic way? Definitely something to check out later. Thank goodness for Tommy. Tommy was the only one taking everything in stride, introducing herself and asking Salim some questions about himself, not focusing on the fiance aspect at all.

Marjan had planned to join her firefam to celebrate the win, but instead begged out of the previously agreed on plans, using Salim as an excuse, even though they weren't supposed to be alone together without someone else there. Salim didn't seem to be particularly bothered by the idea either, and so the two of them slowly walked through a nearby park that Marjan had spotted on her way to the arena.

After several minutes of awkward silence, it was Salim that finally spoke up. "So, you never told them about me?" he asked, reaching out as if to grab her hand but then pulling it back, unsure whether or not the contact would be wanted.

Marjan paused, trying to find the right words to explain why she hadn't told her new family about the most important person in her life, but in reality, she wasn't entirely sure of the reason why either. There had been many times over the last few months where Paul, Mateo, or T.K. had confided something with her, or shared something about their families, relationships, or past and she had just froze. She wasn't embarrassed about herself, her family, or her religion, but it was like there was a wall up, around Salim and her relationship with him, and she couldn't find a way to break it down, to share it with those around her.

"No," Marjan said, shaking her head. "And I'm sorry, but I don't know why I haven't," she added truthfully. Salim deserved honesty, their relationship deserved honesty. Regardless of whether or not they were soulmates, being sincere with one another was the most important thing to her.

"Marjan," Salim said, and the serious tone in his voice had her stopping dead in her tracks. He normally spoke her name with such warmth, and care, but this was different and it worried her greatly. "Have you ever been in love with me?" He asked, looking at her directly, his gaze unwavering from her face.

"Of course I love you, Salim," Marjan replied instantly, there was no thought needed to this response. She has loved Salim since they were children. The day that their parents had announced their arrangement was a blessing.

Salim was shaking his head, pulling away from her. "No Marjan, I mean love love me. Whenever I see you, the walls get closer, the world warms up, and I lose my breath, and my only focus is you. I've loved you for so long, but this -" he pointed between the two of them "-this isn't working anymore. I need someone who loves me, really loves me. And that's not you." Salim turned and started to walk away, his head bowed slightly in disappointment.

Marjan could only watch him leave in disbelief. Where did all of this come from? Of course she loved loved him, they were supposed to get married. Pushing herself into action, she chased after Salim, grabbing his arm gently to stop him from walking away. "I don't understand Salim. I know we aren't soulmates, but we need to honor our commitment to this relationship, to our family. And I do love you," she said honestly, dropping her hand down his arm to clasp his hand.

Then, all of a sudden, Salim leaned forward and she was being kissed. His lips were pressed against hers, his one hand had moved up to cup her chin. Salim's lips felt warm and soft, and she could feel her heartbeat racing as her body responded to the kiss, her first romantic kiss ever. She could feel a painful, prickling sensation from her mark. Something was wrong, so wrong, and she could feel her gut wrench as the kiss continued. She didn't want this.

Marjan pulled back, and when Salim tried to chase her with his lips, she threw her hands up defensively, not wanting to push him but would if it came to that. Marjan tried to vocalize a clear no, but her body was trembling so much that her voice wasn't working for her. So she settled with a firm glare and took another step away from Salim, needing the distance desperately.

Salim finally picked up on her uneasiness, and backed away instantly, apology clear in his face. "I-I'm sorry Marjan," he whispered quietly, glancing down uneasily at his feet, unable to look his fiance in the face.

Marjan still couldn't say anything. Her response to Salim's kiss seemed to communicate everything that she had been feeling but had been unable to say. She rubbed her mark through her sleeve, the pain receding slightly now that there was distance between them. "I-I don't understand," Marjan pleaded, not knowing who her question was directed to. "I think I need some time Salim," she added, feeling like she needed more time to process what all had happened.

Salim shook his head. "Time isn't going to solve this, Marjan," he said firmly, shrugging out of his sweater to show Marjan his mark, which was located on his upper left shoulder. Marjan averted her eyes in shock; she had never seen his mark and never really wanted to until after marriage.

"Marjan, you need to look, please," Salim added, and Marjan couldn't resist the pleading that was coming across in his tone. Turning back towards Salim hesitantly, she stepped closer to be able to see his mark. Unlike hers, it was a simpler shape, what appeared to be a small circle or oval. She was shocked to see it was barely filled, which would indicate a poor match between the two of them. Frantically pulling back her own sleeve, no longer concerned about Salim seeing it, she was disturbed to see the stars in her own mark slowly fading.

"What does this mean Salim?" Marjan asked, tears filling her eyes. "What happened? What did we do wrong?" She could feel her breath speed up, her mind frantically thinking of how she would be unable to honor her commitment to her family, to her values. She tried to take deeper breaths, knowing that a panic attack wasn't what she needed right now but she couldn't stop thinking of all the ways this had to be her fault.

"It should have never come to this," Salim said quietly, pulling his sweater back on. "I met someone, Marjan. I really like her. But I loved you first, so I needed to make sure, you know?" Salim explained, trying to rationalize his actions, his behaviours.

"No Salim, I don't know," Marjan replied, anger evident in her voice, her arms crossed over. "I don't understand at all." She turned to leave, continuing to feel the need to distance herself more and more. Glancing back at Salim, she added "I can't be with someone who can't honor themselves, their commitments, or respect my boundaries." And with that final note, she walked quickly back to her car, not looking back.