The next few days passed by in a blur. Marjan couldn't remember how she got herself home that night, but she did remember passing out in her bed, crying herself softly to sleep. She spent the next couple of days, staying in bed, feeling a full range of emotions between guilt and anger. She blamed herself for keeping her distance from Salim; she did love him, so much. Maybe if she had been able to communicate her feelings better, then he wouldn't have strayed... no, no that's not right. Marjan took a deep breath, clenching her fists in anger. Salim was responsible for his actions, not her. He never should have stepped out on their relationship. And it hurt to see that he was the type of person that would do that - she never expected that from him.
And then on top of everything was her mark. It was almost empty now, with a few remaining stars scattered across the bottom. At times she thought she could see the faded impressions, but realized it was all in her head, one last desperate hope that they were still there. Marjan traced her mark, flinching slightly as she remembered the stinging pain that she had felt during Salim's kiss. Was it a warning? Did it somehow know about Salim's affair before she did?
Marjan pulled her sleeve down roughly. She had had it up to here with this stupid mark, with stupid relationships, and with stupid men. She reluctantly pulled herself to a standing position, realizing that it was getting close to the start of her next shift. Luckily she had been able to put in for a couple last minute vacation days; originally for the intent of spending time with Salim but instead used them to try to put herself back together again. She knew it was bad luck to wish for a busy day, but she knew that Paul at least would pick up on something not being right, and she had no intention to talk about her love life with her team. Fingers crossed that they would be so busy that no one would pick up on her crappy mood.
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Finally having a few minutes of rest, Marjan decided to make a cup of tea in the kitchen, allowing herself to enjoy the peace and quiet. The majority of the team was in the bunks, trying to squeeze in a couple hours of rest. Her wish had been granted; the team was out on back to back calls, luckily nothing too serious or life threatening.
Sitting down wearily in one of the island stools, Marjan blew on her tea and took a small sip to check the temperature. Hearing footsteps on the nearby stairs, she glanced over to see Paul coming down the stairs. Turning so that Paul wouldn't see her expression, she rolled her eyes and took another sip of her tea. Marjan had been waiting for Paul to approach her, she had noticed the little looks of concern that he had been shooting her all shift.
"Hey," Paul said, grabbing his own cup of tea, using the boiled water that was left in the kettle. Marjan tilted her head in acknowledgement. He eased into a chair next to her, waiting a few minutes for his tea to steep before starting the conversation. "Are you doing okay, Marjan?"
Marjan could hear the worry in Paul's voice, and was able to let out a small smile in an attempt to ease his concerns. But the tears that were forming in her eyes were a dead giveaway. Not bothering to hide her emotions anymore, she leaned into Paul's shoulder, welcoming the support from her friend. "No," she whispered quietly in response to Paul's question, her throat tightening as she thought about her next words. "Salim and I broke up," she confessed, not wanting to get into any more details in the middle of her workplace.
Paul could see the heartbreak written all over Marjan's face, and knew that there was much more to the story than that. But he didn't want to push her into sharing more than she was ready to at the time. So Paul placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and let her continue to lean into him, simply being there with her to support her, until she was composed enough to straighten back up. He could see the change in her expression, in her entire body as Marjan pushed her emotions back down.
Marjan sensed that Paul wanted to say more, but appreciated that he held back. She knew that he would be there for her if she needed him, but she wasn't ready to talk about what had happened. Maybe she never would be. Marjan finished her tea, and with a squeeze of Paul's shoulder, headed towards the women's washrooms, intent on having a quick, hot shower and hopefully a rest before the next call.
That was wishful thinking. The bell rang again, with dispatch calling for all hands to a three-alarm fire. As she turned around to head back towards the trucks, she bumped into Nancy, who was also responding to the same call. While Marjan was able to keep her balance, Nancy fell backwards on her bottom, her long legs sprawled awkwardly across the tiled floor. Murmuring a quick apology, Marjan reached out her hand to help the paramedic back up. But the moment their hands touched, an indescribable sensation of warmth shot up Marjan's arm, and she almost let go of Nancy in surprise.
Looking at Nancy, Marjan saw a look of shock on her face as well which she expected matched her own. The hustle and bustle of the fire station faded to the background as Marjan and Nancy simply stared at each other, neither knowing what was going on. But a shout for both of them broke the bubble, interrupting the spell that had settled on just the two of them. They both jolted back to full awareness, rushing for their respective trucks, barely making it before the trucks headed out of the station.
Marjan just shook her head at the team, not responding to their unasked question of why she was delayed. She honestly had no idea what had just happened. Pulling her headset on, she looked out the window into the clear sky, small stars glittering in the darkness, allowing herself to regain focus, to prepare for the fire they were about to encounter. It was probably nothing to worry about anyways.
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Over the next couple of weeks, Marjan couldn't help but find herself watching Nancy more often. She had always been aware of the paramedic; while she didn't have Paul's level of observation, she considered herself to be fairly quick on interpreting body language and gauging interactions between people. But until recently, her interactions with Nancy had been mainly work based.
The fire station family was still picking up the pieces after the devastating loss of Tim. Marjan didn't know him too well, but knew that he was an excellent paramedic and would be missed by the entire house. It felt like everyone had taken a huge breath of relief after T.K. had been shot and was finally back to work; only to have their next breath stolen away in the loss of their fellow co-worker.
The timing of the wildfires was awful, with the majority of the 126 fire fighters out in the bush while the medical team, Tommy and Nancy had to attend the funeral on their own and on behalf of the whole station. And Marjan knew that Nancy still struggled, she could see it in her actions every shift. The bell would ring and Nancy would look around for her partner, only for the expression on her face to darken when she remembered that he wasn't there anymore.
Not to say that Nancy couldn't do her job, absolutely not. Marjan respected Nancy's professionalism, her ability to jump back into the field after Tim's passing was nothing short of inspirational. She was always on time, ready to work. Nancy was the first one to pick up the more menial but important tasks, like ensuring that the ambulance was well stocked and making sure that the area surrounding it was clear and clean. Simply put, she was an amazing paramedic.
Instead of mulling over her own mess of emotions, Marjan decided to put all her efforts back into the fire house. She let herself be distracted temporarily with Mateo's error in his shoulder tattoo, feeling sorry for the poor dude. It also allowed her to let out some of her rage with the tattoo artist himself. Marjan discretely suggested to Owen that they should restart the shift dinners, making sure that both Tommy and Nancy were included and everyone seemed to be enjoying the rotation away from the keto meals that Cap afflicted during his turn. Even Carlos would stop in every once in a while to help when it was T.K.'s turn to cook, which everyone greatly appreciated.
Marjan leaned back in her favourite stool in the kitchen, the one that allowed her to see most of the action in the fire station. Everyone seemed to be slowly getting back to normal. She was happy to see more smiles being exchanged, an increase in friendly communication, and joking between all members of the station, both firefighters and paramedics alike.
A door slammed shut upstairs, harshly interrupting her musings. She watched with a mixture of curiosity and concern as an obviously upset Nancy came stomping down the stairs, and then disappeared into the women's locker rooms. Marjan didn't even wait a minute before following her in. Besides, in a house full of testosterone, it was only fair that the women of the 126 look out for each other, right?
Upon entering the room, she saw Nancy sitting on one of the long benches that separated the two rows of lockers. Her shoulders were slumped and Marjan thought she may have heard a small sniffle escape. It was only at this point where Marjan hesitated, wondering if Nancy may prefer solitude, but it felt like there was an invisible string between the two of them. Something was pulling her over to Nancy, something that wouldn't let Marjan leave her there distraught.
Rather than fighting against the feeling, Marjan let it pull her over to where Nancy was crying softly, and sat down on the bench next to her, close enough to let Nancy know she was there but not close enough to come in contact with her. Marjan almost jumped in shock when Nancy leaned into her shoulder, not expecting that movement at all. But then that same, indescribable feeling of warmth appeared in her shoulder, and Marjan found herself closing her eyes, allowing her body to relax as the warmth spread throughout her body, making her feel at peace.
It felt like it had been hours when Marjan finally cracked open her eyes, only to see Nancy had fallen asleep up against her side. Trying to look down at her watch carefully without waking Nancy, Marjan wasn't surprised to see that it had been at least half an hour since she followed her into the locker room. She glanced down at the paramedic resting on her shoulder; a slight smile graced her face as she snored softly, still completely oblivious to the awkward position she was in. Marjan didn't normally get the opportunity to see Nancy like this, unguarded and relaxed, so she soaked in the sight while she could. Beautiful, a small voice whispered in the back of her head, the thought startling her as she reached out to tuck a stray strand of Nancy's hair that had escaped her tight bun.
The movement caused Nancy to wake, but instead of leaping out of Marjan's embrace, like Marjan probably would have done in Nancy's position, Nancy stayed where she was, her dark eyes blinking up at Marjan's as a small smile filled her face. "Hey," Nancy whispered gently, as she slowly straightened up on the bench, reluctantly pulling away from Marjan's touch.
Marjan almost let out a small gasp at the separation, but was able to hold it in. She couldn't explain what was going on, it was like her body had a life of its own. While she didn't feel unsafe, she also didn't feel in control, and with everything that had happened with Salim, Marjan needed that control. She stood up suddenly, straightened her clothes out, and headed out the door, stammering some excuse of needing to go walk Buttercup, although she and Nancy both knew that if he needed to go out, that anyone would have been willing to do the chore. Marjan just knew she had to get out of there, before she did anything that she would regret later.