-134 Without Memories

Severus felt completely responsible for Potter's impulsive actions. In retrospect, his own actions towards the teen had been nothing less than appalling. He should have realized what he was doing to Harry, just by the boy's increasingly sickly appearance. Sirius Black wasn't the only person to question him about the boy's unhealthy appearance.

Severus' gaze settled on the top of Potter's head. The boy sat on the edge of the bed, having just pleaded to be Obliviated. He felt a strong measure of sorrow for the teen.

"Potter…Harry, you can not possibly wish to be Obliviated."

Harry's head snapped up "Why not!?!" he screamed with a sudden intensity Severus had never heard from the boy. Those emerald green eyes were filled with more sorrow than a sixteen year old boy should ever know.

"Why the bloody hell not!? I've done everything, every -fucking -thing I've ever been asked, and all I want in return is to forget it all happened! Is that too much to ask!?!" Harry forced himself to breathe, to calm down enough to plead his case, "Please Obliviate me, it's the only way I can let go, it's the only way I can forget."

"Forget? Of which part do you wish to forget?"

Harry steadied his wavering voice, "Forget I had a father."

Severus' throat tightened up, his heart constricted with all manner of emotion he was not accustomed to, "You've given up on me."

"Shut up! You've no right to accuse me of that!"

Severus knew he was responsible for pushing the boy to this point. He remembered the Occlumency lessons during fifth year, he remembered how the boy's strong desire to belong to somebody was always at the forefront of his thoughts. He closed his eyes and tried to force himself to remember how this had all come to pass. At what point had he become so important to the boy?

Severus took a step closer to the bed. He raised a hand and placed it on Harry's shoulder. The boy flinched away as if he had been burned.

"Don't okay? Just don't pretend like you care what the hell happens to me now. It'll just make everything harder," Harry said, rubbing the spot his father had just touched on his shoulder. "It's like you said, I'm just a stranger to you that's messing up your life."

"No, that is not true."

"You said so last night!" Harry looked away from the guilty expression Severus now wore.

"I made a mistake in signing the document and I never said you were messing up my life."

Harry pushed any feelings of hope away. He had done this for the professor's benefit, to keep him safe. He had to keep that in mind.

"Believe me, you're better off this way," Harry managed to say, his voice sounding unsure.

Severus felt compelled to take control before things got even more out of hand, "I am going to contact Albus to stop this from happening."

"But it's for the best!" Harry shouted.

Severus felt anger rise up inside him for the wheels the teen had set into motion, wheels that he may not be able to stop. He let himself use that anger to convey his message.

"I am not certain what was going through that brain of yours but THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! I might have wanted to end the adoption days ago, when I signed that blasted document, but that was before I had come to respect you, to actually believe this could work … even if I did not regain my memories," Severus pulled the teen up off the bed by his shirt collar and looked him right in the eye, "Make no mistake, Harry, I am and always will be your father!"

Harry's heart skipped a beat, he looked into his father's eyes. The man looked determined. "Please sir …for your own sake, please just let it go."

Severus let go of the teen, then lightly ran his thumb across that damning scar, "You are my son."

Harry took a step closer and dropped head on his father's shoulder. He felt Severus cup the back of his head and hold him.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked in a near whisper.

With an unusually affectionate tone, Severus answered, "Without question, Harry."

A moment later, Severus pushed the teen back and snapped out, "Now, clean up this room and stay put. I must go see Albus before it is too late." He was still holding the picture of himself and Harry in his other hand. He raised his wand up and fixed the broken frame before placing the picture on the mantle.

Severus swept out the door with robes billowing behind.

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Hedwig dropped the rolled up parchment onto the headmaster's desk. She preened her feathers and picked her beak with her sharp talons before pushing open a window and flying to the owlry.

The wind came through the open window and ruffled a few papers on the desk. A moment later a bigger gust of wind came through the headmaster's office, causing the rolled up parchment to roll off the desk and onto the floor. The document rolled until it finally settled under a large mahogany credenza.

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Severus was at a loss for words as he sat before the accusing glares of both Minerva and Albus. He had found them in the teacher's lounge and had conveyed the actions Harry had taken. Now they both sat before him with angry condemning glares, asking what he had done to push Harry to that point.

He knew he had treated the boy harshly and none too fairly. He thought better than to tell them about the way he had almost used the bedcovers to trap the boy in his bed last evening. He didn't think Minerva would take to kindly to that sort of information.

He decided the best offence was defense. In an annoyed voice he accused, "What in Merlin's name were you two thinking when you left me alone with Potter. You know our history, you must have known I wouldn't be fair to him?"

"We left him with you for your own good … so your memory would return sooner, " Albus snapped back, putting the potion master in his place. "The boy's behavior has been nothing less than exemplary!"

Severus had to concede the point. His guilt would not let him talk about the boy unfairly, "He has definitely improved since the end of fifth year. I must admit it has been a welcoming surprise. I wish I could tell you why he felt compelled into signing the document but he says nothing other than that he did it for my sake."

"It breaks my heart to see Harry's self worth at such a low level." Minerva charged, "He must have been pushed by something in order to sign the document. I know how much he loves you and I also know he was willing to suffer your unkind treatment in hopes of your memory returning quicker. For Merlin's sake, Severus, what did you do to him?"

Severus could think of several incidences of cruel words, meant to wound the teen. His guilt almost pushed him to admit this. In the end he changed the subject, "What now? How do I stop this from happening. I have become rather accustomed to having the boy around."

Albus' eyes softened towards the potion master, "I shall contact a few friends at the ministry and see what can be done. In the mean time, I suggest we enact the memory spell as soon as possible. It wouldn't due to have the ministry discover that you have no recollection of the past six months. I dare say, Cornelius would like nothing better than to adopt Harry himself and use the boy like a political shield."

Severus bridled at the idea of Harry in Cornelius Fudge's control. He knew he would never let the minister get power over the boy. If it ever came to that, he would take the teen far away until the boy turned of age. He knew he needed his memories and he knew he owed it the boy to get them back.

They made arrangements to go under the spell this evening. They were unsure how long it would take and thought it best to start as soon as possible.

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Harry hung all his clothes back in the armoire, then picked up the odds and ends left surrounding his trunk. He pulled out another photo of himself and his dad and walked out to the living room. With a long look at the picture of Severus with Narcissa and Draco he placed the other photo next to it. It was the photo of him and Severus taken at the Christmas feast before holiday. In the photo, he had just thanked his dad before the whole school and was giving him a hug when the photographer snapped the picture.

Severus walked into his dungeon apartment and caught sight of Harry looking at the photo on the mantle. He wondered if the photo of himself with the Malfoy's had pushed Harry into signing the document? He felt compelled to find out why Potter had signed the document, before being put under the memory spell this evening.

"Does that photo trouble you?" Severus asked, momentarily startling the teen.

Harry turned around and looked at his dad, "You look … content in it."

Severus inclined his head in agreement, "It was taken in a rare moment of satisfaction."

Harry looked a bit worried when he asked, "Draco must have had a good practice then, huh?"

"He performed better than average."

"Which really means, he was brilliant," Harry said with a slightly bitter edge to his voice. He tried not to feel as if it should have been him practicing with his dad, instead of Draco.

Severus could hear the envious tone in the boy's voice, "You are wearing your practice gear. Had you planned on flying this morning?"

"Yes, sir."

"May I ask what stopped you, what made you sign the document?" Severus could see the teen frown and take a few steps back as if he wanted to leave.

When Harry didn't answer, Severus asked, "Did that photo of Narcissa and Draco and I, have anything to do with it?"

"No," Harry immediately answered, not wanting to sound like a jealous child. "Draco deserves to have someone he can count on."

"And what do you deserve, Harry?"

Harry was taken aback by that question. He didn't know how to answer and dropped his gaze to his trainers.

Severus could see the teen struggle to come up with an answer, "I should think you deserve the same as Draco. I must apologize for my behavior towards you since my loss of memory."

"It's okay," Harry was quick to say, "I tried not to let any of it hurt me. I know you wouldn't have said some of those things if it wasn't for the memory curse."

"I imagine I will be truly appalled at my own behavior once my memories are returned," Severus admitted. "Which brings me to another topic…"

Severus spelled forth a pot of tea and two cups. Harry sat down in the chair next to his dad. "Was Professor Dumbledore able to get the document back?"

Severus offered a cup of tea, before answering, "We are unsure what will come of this. Albus has people that are dedicated to the Order working in the ministry. He will do everything possible to get the document back. However I must be ready for any inquires that might result from this. To that order, Albus and I have decided to go through with the memory spell."

"But, you can't! It's too dangerous," Harry charged.

"You should not worry." Severus could see the stress in the boy's eyes, "I am not willing to risk losing you." Severus hadn't really meant to say those words out loud but now that he had, he was pleased with the expression on Harry's face. The teen looked back at him with relief.

"I believe you have a competition to practice for?" Severus asked, changing the subject, since the atmosphere was becoming far to sentimental to be comfortable.

"I guess I should get as much practice in as I can before this evening. I'm so out of practice that I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't make it on to the team."

Severus could tell that the young man was sincere in his worries. He stood up, "Come then, let us go out to the pitch for some practice. There are a few suggestions I can give you. It wouldn't due to have my son passed over for a Ravenclaw or Merlin forbid, a Hufflepuff!"

Harry laughed at Severus' look of indignation. He jumped up, ready to give this tryout his best shot.

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