-141 Insecurities

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Harry stared up at the ceiling, as he tried not to let his eyes drift to the bedside clock for the tenth time in the last hour. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't force himself to sleep. He had been awakened by yet another bloody nose.

Earlier, when Severus had been here, it had happened twice but he had managed to keep his dad from finding out by excusing himself to use the loo, before the blood had started to flow. He had only had a few bloody nose incidents since returning to the Dursley's. He knew that boxing with Dudley hadn't been such a good idea and Uncle Vernon's strong arm hadn't helped matters either.

He banished the handkerchief he had used and rolled onto his stomach. He couldn't help smiling at the thought of Severus eating pizza and soda on the floor of his bedroom. He never thought he'd see a sight like that!

It felt good to have his father back and a sense of relief washed over him. However, for as much as they had talked tonight, they had both avoided the one topic that was most pressing on their minds. It was the same topic that was keeping Harry from sleeping.

He rubbed his scar, aware of the slight tingle once more. He wondered if Hermione had found anything out yet about what a Horcrux was? He wanted to think Bellatrix was lying about the whole thing, but deep down, he knew there was some truth to what she had told him because he could feel it in his scar. Bloody hell, he just couldn't go through that whole ordeal again!

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This had been one of the longest days Severus had ever had. Retrieving his battered son from the Dursley's home was about as unsavory a situation as one could go through. The only good to come out of that situation had been that Harry had finally come to terms with his past.

Severus had never felt so proud of the boy. It seemed that Harry had risen above all the turmoil of his childhood and forgiven the miserable Muggles for all they had done to him. It took a special person to get past such a horrible upbringing. The teen had insisted that forgiving the Muggles had released him from all that pent up anger he had been harboring for so long. It wasn't in Severus' character to fully understand his son's actions but nevertheless, he certainly respected the boy for doing it.

As tired as he was though, he had one more person to see before he could even think of going to bed. He had purposely avoided the topic of the horcrux with Harry until he could speak with Albus.

He stepped through the floo and wasn't surprised to find Albus sitting behind his desk at this late hour. The man had always been notorious for keeping odd hours.

"Albus, how are you feeling?" Severus asked, feeling guilty for putting the older man through the memory spell. He could see the fatigued look on his mentor's face and knew the Headmaster had paid a heavy price for helping with the spell.

"Severus, so good of you to come see me. How is Harry? Minerva said he looked rather worse for wear when he returned this evening. Please tell me the Muggles did not harm the boy again?" Albus asked.

"Vernon Dursley should be on bended knee thanking my son for saving his life! If not for Harry's benevolence, the Muggle would be dead, …at my hand," Severus darkly replied.

"Is Harry injured?" Albus sounded as if he was ready to pay a visit to the Muggles himself.

"I healed most of his wounds. The few left should heal on their own," Severus said as he got his anger under control. "Albus, I have something imperative to speak with you about."

The Headmaster motioned for Severus to take a seat and continue.

"Once my memories returned, I became aware of a conversation I had with Harry whilst we were being held captive at Vespa's cottage. Bellatrix informed Harry that his scar was a horcrux. She is under the impression that he will facilitate Voldemort's return."

Albus closed his eyes. He stayed that way until Severus slapped a hand down on the desk with so much force that all the portraits startled awake and complained.

"Albus, you do not believe it to be true, do you!?! That scar on Harry's head could not be a horcrux!"

Albus looked up at the portraits before waving his wand to put them all back to sleep once more. His eyes betrayed just how worried he was.

"Severus, I saw that memory of you and Harry in Vespa's dungeon. When I saw it I knew that there was indeed some truth to Bellatrix's claims."

For the first time Severus looked at the titles of all the large tomes stacked up upon the headmaster's desk. The titles alone told him that they were very rare and restricted books.

"Albus, he can't be put through anymore!" Severus yelled as he stood up and paced the room. "He's already been through more than a boy his age should ever experience." He turned to face the headmaster and saw there were tears in his eyes.

"Severus, Voldemort has two Horcrux left. One is Nagini … the other …," after a long pause, the headmaster's voice broke on his next words, "my dear boy, the other is Harry."

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Severus didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to face the day knowing that his son was in terrible danger, yet again. His talk with Albus had lasted until the sun had started to rise. He had tried to argue that the man had somehow been mistaken but in the end he had to admit to the truth.

The truth was too terrible to contemplate. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door.

"Dad? Are you up yet?"

Severus cleared his throat before answering, "Yes. I'll be out in a few minutes." He didn't want his son to suspect anything was wrong. It wouldn't be fair to cast this knowledge on Harry until a solution was found. He stood up and put on his bathrobe and slippers before opening the door.

"I can't believe you're not ready yet?" Harry said with amusement. Then his eyes took on a worried look, "Wait, you're not ill, are you, Dad? Maybe we should take a day off to recover."

"I am fine," Severus said, giving Harry a stern look, "The sooner you get back to school, the sooner you will be caught up in your lessons."

Harry took in a deep breath as he ran a finger around his loose collar, "I'm kinda nervous about facing everyone after all that fuss was made about me. Damn Fudge!"

For the first time since getting his memory back, Severus noticed how thin his son looked.

"Yes, Fudge did make quite a spectacle out of the situation. I expect a formal apology from the Minister will be coming today."

"How could he even think I'd let him become my guardian? He must be crazy to think I'd go live with him."

"You should have known I never would have let it happen, Harry," He waited until the teen nodded before continuing, "I would have come to get you as soon as humanly possible… no matter where they took you. Do not ever doubt my commitment to you."

"I don't," Harry quietly acknowledged, feeling a mixture of gratitude and embarrassment for having caused the situation to begin with.

Severus stepped back into his bedroom and moved to shut the door, "I'll be ready to leave in a few moments."

"Wait!" Harry said as he placed a hand on the door, "Do you think we could just eat breakfast down here this morning?"

Severus would have liked nothing better then to eat breakfast in the dungeons and to take a day off work but he knew Harry needed to keep his mind off the horcrux.

"I think it best that we dine in the Great Hall," Severus could see how anxious that made Harry. He felt his heart clench when he thought of the horcrux and his gaze stopped on that dreaded scar. In an uncharacteristic move, he suddenly opened the door wider and pulled the boy into a tight embrace. He felt Harry stiffen before the boy relaxed into the embrace and hugged him back.

"I regret treating you so harshly these past few weeks," Severus quietly confessed.

"It wasn't your fault, you know?" Harry asked, concerned with this sudden display of emotion. "That memory spell didn't harm you, did it?"

"No son, I am fine," Severus said, letting the teen go and turning away. "I'll be ready momentarily."

Harry stepped back out into the hallway, wondering if his dad was indeed okay.

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Severus and Harry stood outside the doors of the Great Hall. Harry looked up at his father with anxiety, "I swear, I don't think I'll ever get used to all the stares and whispers. Are you sure we can't just eat breakfast in our apartment?"

"I think it wise that you get this over with now. Besides, I believe Minerva threatened the students with detention with Filch, should they bother you with unwanted questions."

"Can't you at least try to heal my lip one more time?" Harry implored.

Severus used a finger to tilt Harry's chin up as he looked at the swollen lip once more, "As I informed you previously, your body has stopped responding to healing creams. It will heal on its own."

Harry let Severus guide him through the door with a firm hand to his back. The moment he stepped through the door, the whispers began and heads swiveled as they made their way down the long aisle.

Severus stood behind Harry as the teen took his seat at the Gryffindor table next to his friends. He gave Harry's friends a threatening glare, silently warning them against pestering his son with questions. With a final pat on the shoulder to Harry, he made his way up to the teacher's table.

Harry felt embarrassed for letting his dad know just how much he needed his support.

"Blimey, Harry, where've you been? You gave us all a right scare when you left without telling anyone where you were going," Ron whispered with eyes darting up to the teacher's table in case Snape or McGonagall saw him.

"I'll tell you guys after breakfast," Harry said. He kept glancing at Ginny who seemed to be awfully interested in her eggs. He thought maybe she was mad him. He leaned in close to her and whispered, "I'm sorry, I would have left you a note but I wasn't sure who would get it."

She shrugged her shoulders and stared at his swollen lip.

Harry gave her a half smile before looking at Hermione. He could tell that she was just bursting with unasked questions.

The subject was soon changed when Dean Thomas stopped by on his way out, "Good to have you back, Potter."

"Thanks, it's good to be back."

Harry went back to eating his eggs until someone grabbed his shoulders from behind.

"Harry!" Sirius exclaimed. He grabbed the teen into a fierce embrace. "We were so worried."

"I'm sorry I scared you, Sirius."

Sirius finally released his godson. In a voice much too loud, he admonished, "Don't you ever disappear like that again!"

Harry glanced up to the head table and saw that Severus was pushing back from the table, ready to come intervene. He shook his head at his dad, hoping Severus would just let him handle this on his own. Luckily, Severus sat back down, but he still wore a look of annoyance.

"Sorry, Sirius," Harry quietly said, hoping his godfather would take the hint and lower his voice too. "It all happened so fast. I wouldn't have left if I thought there was another way. We should probably talk about it later though."

Sirius looked around and noticed that they were the center of attention.

He abruptly changed the subject and leaned in close to the Gryffindor group.

"You guys hear the news yet? McGonagall found out the Slytherins were taking Felix Felis during the try outs last week. You know that potion that makes you really lucky? She's already disqualified the Slytherins and she's going to set a date for another try out!"

Sirius gave Harry a wink before making his way up to the teacher's table.

Even though it started out as a secret, the news spread like wildfire. The rest of breakfast was filled with talk about the new try outs and the deceitfulness of the Slytherins.

When breakfast finally ended, Ron, Ginny and Hermione were at Harry's side as they left the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron tried to block Harry's view from all the gossip and stares.

Once they made it out of the entryway, Hermione pointed to an unused classroom and all four Gryffindor stepped inside. Before Harry could take his wand out of his pocket to ward the door, the door opened once more and Draco stepped in.

"Do you mind, Potter?" Draco asked. "I want to hear what happened too."

Harry gestured for the Slytherin to join them but he wondered how he was supposed to tell Draco that it was his mum who had alerted Fudge?

"So, where've you been, mate?" Ron asked.

Harry moved to stand next to Ginny and took hold of her hand. That seemed to soften her anger at him a bit.

He told his friends about his scar burning and the threat he felt by being outside of Hogwarts. He also told them about Hedwig delivering the document to Dumbledore's office. He decided not to tell anyone of exactly where he had gone into hiding though. For some reason he felt like his whole experience at the Dursley's was private. He had overcome his fear of his uncle and had actually felt at peace with that part of his life now. He didn't think his friends would understand all of that and he didn't want to explain.

Ron didn't seem to be able to accept the fact that he didn't want to reveal where he had been. "Harry, why can't you tell us? Don't you trust us?"

"I do trust you guys, but it's private. Aren't I allowed to keep some things secret for once?"

"What happened to your lip?" Hermione asked.

Harry shrugged.

"We're not going to tell anyone," Ron insisted.

"I'd rather not say. It's kinda personal," Harry said.

"Who hit you, Harry?" persisted Ron.

"Ron, just drop it," Ginny said, when it looked as if her brother might argue further. "Harry's whole life has been splashed out on every newspaper in the wizarding world. If he feels like he needs to keep some things to himself, then we should just respect his wishes."

Harry gave her a big smile and wished they were alone so he could kiss her. She always seemed to understand him better than everyone else.

Hermione was the first to ask, "Harry, if the document was never delivered to the ministry, then how did Minister Fudge find out you signed it to begin with?"

Harry looked down as he tried to come up with the best way to say this. After a moment he looked towards Draco, "Um, well, it seems that someone alerted Fudge."

"Who alerted him?" Ginny asked.

"My mum," Draco growled out, "It had to be my mum!" He looked towards Harry for confirmation.

Harry gave him a nod.

"Fuck!" Draco spat. He pulled open the door and stormed out into the hallway before Harry could stop him.

"Blimey, that's messed up," Ron said. "I knew she was just like that snotrag husband of hers."

"How's professor Snape taking the news?" Ginny asked.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, "Not so good. I don't know what he's going to do to her."

"Well, let's hope it's something bad," Ron angrily declared.

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The news of the cheating Slytherins helped to take some of the attention off Harry. He made it through his first day back to classes with a minimum of whispers and stares.

It was getting progressively harder to keep his friends from noticing the bouts he had with his nose dripping blood. Hermione kept giving him long stares every time he returned from using the loo. He thought the only thing keeping her from asking questions was that speech that Ginny had given them earlier.

He spent his free period in the library researching spells to staunch blood flow. The large tomes on medicinal magic took up an entire table. He was flipping through one of the books when Hermione found him.

"What are you looking for," Hermione asked as she took in the titles of the books.

"Nothing," Harry claimed, then seeing her look of skepticism he quickly added, "Just doing some extra credit."

"Harry, who do you think you're talking to? You're not even caught up with your current school work."

"Just leave it, Hermione," he said with irritation. "This is one of those things I'd rather keep to myself."

She hefted her heavy rucksack to her shoulder, "If you need any help, just let me know." She started to walk away but turned back around, "Harry, I don't know where you went these past few days but I do know that you look like you went through hell and back. If you're ill, you should really tell Professor Snape."

Harry nodded before getting back to his notes. Once she walked out the door, he immediately stacked the books up and levitated them back to the bookshelf. He didn't want to take any chances of getting caught by someone else, especially by his father. Besides, he thought maybe he might have found a spell that would help to hide blood whenever he started to hemorrhage again.

Moreover, he wanted to go spend some time with Ginny. He smiled when he thought of the way she always jumped to his defense no matter what. He thought maybe she was still a bit angry at him for not leaving a note behind.

He was almost sure she was angry at him when she didn't show up for supper that night. Right after dinner he went in search of the ginger haired girl. He finally found her tucked away in a corner of the common room reading a book on charms.

"Hey, Gin," Harry said as he dropped his rucksack to the ground and sat down next to her. "Can we go some place private to talk?"

"Bout what?" Ginny asked, keeping her finger on the page she was reading so she wouldn't lose her spot. "I think you told us everything you wanted us to know."

Yes, she was definitely mad, Harry thought as he took hold of her hand, "Come on, let's go for a walk."

She reluctantly left her book on the side table and let herself be led through the portrait hole.

As soon as they were walking down an empty corridor, Ginny tugged his arm, "Harry, you don't owe me any explanations, you know. What I told the others about giving you some privacy goes for me as well."

"You don't seem like you're okay with everything," Harry countered. "Look, Gin, I would have told you where I was going if I didn't think someone else might have gotten the note and try to come after me."

"Harry, just drop it. It's over and done with. You're safe, that's all that matters. Let's just stop talking about this."

Harry really did want to keep his experiences of his time with the Dursley's to himself. He changed the subject, "I hope Draco's going to be okay. I think he was starting to get used to the idea of my dad and his mum getting together."

"He looked pretty mad. Do you think we should go talk to him?"

"Maybe later."

Harry made sure they were on their own before pulling Ginny into an alcove. He leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips. He slipped his hand out of hers and ran his fingertips up her arm.

She tentatively kissed him back, so as not to hurt his swollen lip. Ginny ran her fingers through his messy hair, "I love you, Harry."

Feeling a bit shocked over hearing that, Harry tried to swallow but his throat was suddenly too dry. He ended up coughing instead.

Ginny slapped him on the back, asking, "Are you okay?"

Harry finally got control of himself, "Yeah, I'm fine. I-I …"

Ginny could see he was struggling with how to respond to her declaration, "It's okay, Harry. You don't have to say anything in return."

Before Harry could respond, there was a sound coming from the hallway. He put his finger to her lips to keep Ginny from talking, when he recognized the voice.

"Just shut up! Someone might hear you, Crabbe," it sounded like Millicent Balstrode had said that.

"You shut up!" Crabbe shot back. "I'm the one who's gonna get in trouble if I get caught sneaking out to meet her! Why can't Bellatrix come here and do her own dirty work? She acts like she's the Dark Lord or something! Snape's got Potter so heavily guarded that there's no way to get close enough to him."

"Crabbe, I'm warning you! Shut up! If Snape hears you …" Millicent let the sentence trail off.

Harry couldn't hear anything else they said as the Slytherin continued walking down the hall.

"What do you think they're up to?" asked Ginny.

"I'm not sure," Harry replied. He looked up and down the hallway, wondering if he was still being followed by members of the Order.

"I better go find my dad," Harry said, pulling his wand from his back pocket.

"I'll go with you," Ginny said, pulling her own wand out.

They made their way down to the dungeon apartment. They both stepped into the apartment but stopped walking when they saw who was sitting on the sofa.

"Hello, Harry, dear," Narcissa Malfoy said in her sweetest voice. She looked towards Ginny but didn't acknowledge the Gryffindor.

"Where's my dad?" Harry asked, trying to keep his anger in check.

"Severus will be back momentarily. You look terrible, Harry, dear. Where, in Merlin's name, did you disappear to. I was so worried about you," Narcissa said, standing up and making her way over to them. She stood in front of Harry and ran a finger down the side of his face, letting it drift across his swollen lip.

Harry physically cringed from her touch. It was entirely too reminiscent of Bellatrix's touch. He stepped back pulling Ginny with him.

"Don't touch me!" he hissed.

At that same moment, Ginny spat, "Get your disgusting hands off him!"

Narcissa smiled, her eyes sweeping up and down Ginny with a look of superiority. She looked back at Harry and said, "My darling boy, I should think the hero of wizardry could do better for himself then that pitiful girl."

"And I should think my father could do better for himself then an old hag like you," Harry retorted.

Narcissa raised her hand, as if to slap Harry. It was at that moment that Severus stepped back into the room.

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Hi Everyone,

So, I had to repost this chapter because of a few mistakes. I hope I hear from you!

Rachel