Hi all! Sorry for the late update, ha. At least I got it during the weekend still!
Anyway! This chapter is mostly a filler one again, a break from the heaviness of the last chapter and the, uh... events of the next several. After this chapter, things start to get moving and it's a little while until there is a reprieve. I will also confess that this chapter used to be my least favorite of this entire story. Like... I hated it. It was just... bad. I had to edit it heavily, rewriting nearly all of it, though I had to keep most of the original beats because later chapters reference it. I'll go into this more in the end notes, to prevent spoilers here, ha.
Also! This story just passed 300 kudos, yay! :-D Thanks everyone, I'm glad y'all seem to be enjoying this story of mine! And thanks for the comments and everything! Here and on my Tumblr, ha.
Last thing: I recently wrote about a Harry Potter IshiMondo AU idea I had on my Tumblr, and I mentioned there that I actually wrote a fic about it. Well, I was thinking of posting it soon! It's got 25K words and two chapters, and deals with Mondo and Taka (and the rest of the Danganronpa crew) while in Hogwarts. Why are 16 Japanese students in a British school, you ask? ... shhh, ha. Anyway, I mostly just wanted to write IshiMondo in Hogwarts, since I still love HP (despite JK and her not so greatness) and saw there are no preexisting crossovers. So, I fixed that, ha. It's a simple little thing, with Mondo helping Taka with his patronus and a boggart, and it's kinda cute, kinda angsty, all IshiMondo. I'll try and post either tomorrow or Tuesday, if possibly... maybe Wednesday. I still have my other IshiMondo thing to post, the canon one, but I think I'll post this one first, since the other is on my Tumblr and can be read if y'all want. It's called "Light up the Night."
Anyway... enjoy!
"Mm... g'mornin', kyoudai," Taka hears a rough voice call as he slowly wakes up, his eyes blinking grittily as gentle sunlight assaults him, making his head begin to ache angrily. He lets out a soft noise of protest, shutting his eyes immediately, willing the headache to go away.
"Mmmm... must it be?" he replies, burrowing his head further into the warmth below him, his head still pounding, but the warmth around him feeling so, so nice. He hears (and feels) a soft chuckling, as fingers come up to gently card through his hair, making him let out a quiet, content hum.
"Yeah, sorry. Ya wanted ta do homework an' shit 'fore yer thing with Hina, 'member? 'Sides. I, uh... got some things ta get. If, uh... ya still wanna go out tonight. Y'ain't gotta, but if ya do... well..."
That makes Taka wake up more, pushing the headache down, his sluggish mind remembering the plans he and Mondo have for that day. He knows that they do not plan on going for a ride on Mondo's motorcycle until that evening, at sunset if Taka recalls correctly, but he also remembers that Mondo had said he'd get Taka some safety gear first. Plus... he does want to finish up his homework... he's been so busy with the festival that he's practically behind!
(Meaning, of course, he's only two weeks ahead of his assignments, not three. He's practically failing already!)
"Mmm... yes, I know... I'd still like to go, kyoudai... but, mmm... don't want to... get up..."
Mondo chuckles again, and Taka feels something press against the top of his head. It takes him a moment to realize that it... that it's...
Mondo's lips...
"Heh, yeah. Me neither. But it ain't gotta be a problem. Got shit ta do. We can, uh... we can sleep over again tonight. If ya want..."
That makes Taka wake up even more, his eyes blinking sleepily as his heart clenches softly. Sleepover again? That night? They've slept over the previous two nights already... at this rate, Taka will never sleep alone in his own bed again...
(Not that that is a bad thing...)
"Y-yes... yes, kyoudai... I think I'd like that!"
He can almost feel Mondo's smile as it presses into his hair, before the biker pulls away, his body stretching as he goes. Taka can feel it lengthen against him and it makes him feels... ah... what it makes him feel isn't exactly important, now is it...
"Then we should get up. C'mon, kyoudai. Got the whole world waitin' fer us."
While he understands Mondo's words and the reason behind them, he can't help the noise of disappointment that releases from his mouth as Mondo gets up, head aching as he opens his eyes for good. Despite that, he can't quite help how he tracks the teen with half lidded eyes as he pads through the room.
Taka intends to get up as well, to get his day started like he always does, but the aching in his skull makes him feel a bit more sluggish than normal, making him want to linger in the bed. He gets headaches like these every so often, usually after periods of great stress or strife in his life. As such, it does not surprise him that his head is choosing now to ache, given everything that has been going on recently. In fact, he's more surprised that he's not gotten a headache sooner if he's being honest! Usually, he doesn't allow the pain to stop him even a second, pushing through it with barely any resistance, but here, now... surrounded by the warmth and comfort that Mondo's bed provides... nose assaulted by the scent of Mondo... he just...
He doesn't realize he's staring at the biker absently until Mondo turns to him, his shirt already shirked off, his chest bare, giving him a peculiar look. It still takes Taka a moment to realize what he's doing (and the implications), but before he can turn away in shame, his cheeks bright red, he hears Mondo's voice cut through the early morning haze.
"I don't mind. Ya... ya watchin'. I mean... shit. Ain't gotta feel awkward 'bout it. Happens."
His heart and head pounds at the murmured words, watching as Mondo turns back to his dresser, redness spreading down his chest and Taka... Taka wants to look away, still, wants to... to be proper, but... well. He had been given permission... and it's not like he's ever been shy about the naked form before...
Taka— knowing it's wrong but deciding to use his headache as an excuse for his impropriety— lets his eyes look their fill as Mondo removes his sleep pants, his body on display, only a thin piece of underwear blocking... a-ah. His mind keeps screaming at him to look away (especially when that thin piece of underwear is— ah, well. Let's not dwell on that particular mental image again, shall we. It's not like he's ever had a problem with male nudity… and it's not like Mondo is facing him… and he does have permission…), to not let Mondo know, but... well. Maybe he's feeling a little daring, his mind still aching, the residual stress and anxiety from the previous day making him lethargic and slow. And maybe... maybe he feels like pushing the boundaries. Just a little. Just... just a hair...
As such, when Mondo turns again, halfway through dressing, Taka— his face flushing softly, his head pounding with his rising embarrassment that cuts through the lethargy just a hair— doesn't look away. He just keeps on looking, eyes oddly intent, even if they're a little bleary. And Mondo... he...
He just flushes, and turns back, saying nothing. But not before Taka can see the hint of a smile on the teen's face, something decidedly pleased about it. But surely that just a hallucination brought on by the rising migraine... clearly...
Eventually, Mondo finishes dressing for the day, his usual wife beater and loose black pants with an ornate belt in place, his duster still hanging by the door (Taka has been insisting the teen start hanging it up properly instead of throwing it carelessly on his chair, which Mondo has taken to doing begrudgingly), which Taka knows he'll throw on before exiting. It's truly incredible how well he's gotten to know Mondo's routine after only a couple short weeks... h-ha...
He blinks when he sees Mondo move, the biker striding casually over to the bed, half sitting as he looks down at Taka. After a moment's pause, he feels a warm, gentle hand brush over his forehead, pushing aside the fringe that is gathered messily there. Taka can't help how he closes his eyes at the sensation, humming softly with contentment, the hands soothing his pounding head a touch. Mondo chuckles, though when he speaks, there's a hint of concern in his tone.
"Heh... ya sure are cute, all sleepy like this... shit, though, y'ain't sick, are ya? Ain't usu'ly this, uh... what's the word ya use... lethargic, or shit? If yer not feelin' well..."
Taka blinks at the worried words, his nose wrinkling at the meaning. With only a little (okay, a lot) of resistance, Taka pushes away Mondo's hand and sits himself up, stretching his arms over his head as he goes, ignoring the ache in his skull. He can feel Mondo's eyes on him, and he has to suppress the small smile that wants to rise on his lips at the sensation. He doesn't even know why he cares, really...
(Liar...)
"I am perfectly fine, kyoudai! I simply am tired, that is all! I do not get... sick," he says after a moment, turning a faux indignant look to Mondo, hoping Mondo doesn't see the wince he gives as his overly forceful words cause a spike of pain to radiate through him. Mondo blinks at him, before snorting, smirking at him slightly.
"Yer so full a' goddamn shit, Ishimaru. Everyone gets sick. Y'ain't that special."
Taka sniffs indignantly at Mondo, getting out of the bed and walking— only slightly unsteadily— over to the dresser, where he's started leaving an extra uniform. Just to- to prevent any more awkward encounters like that first day, of course... he pushes passed the thought and begins undressing, ignoring the feel of cool lavender eyes upon him. For the most part, at least.
"Not Kiyotaka Ishimaru! My dedication and enthusiasm keeps me from illness! Besides... it's not like I can afford to be sick! S-since I would hate to miss school!"
From the look Mondo gives him, he can tell the words unsaid have been understood perfectly, the biker frowning with... with his sympathy in his eyes. But it's not like Taka is lying, per se. He has sometimes gotten the sniffles, maybe a cough, but nothing that has ever fully debilitated him. Not enough for him to waste away in bed all day, at least! And nothing that he couldn't handle on his own... like this headache! No use concerning Mondo over something so simple! Even if it does hurt pretty bad...
It's as he's pulling on his undershirt that he feels Mondo come up behind him, gentle fingers brushing his side, causing his stomach to clench as he gasps softly.
"Yeh, don't surprise me. But, uh... if ya do get sick... ya'll tell me, yeah? I don't want ya ta suffer alone. Y'ain't gotta deal with nothin' alone anymore, Kiyo. Not when I'm here. Got it?"
Taka looks over his shoulder, his eyes meeting concerned lavender, and Taka...
"I promise, kyoudai. You will be the first person I tell. Now! I must finish dressing! I have wasted enough time lazing about!"
Mondo chuckles at his impassioned words, the biker moving away as he continues to get dressed, fingers only slightly clumsy with the feeling of eyes watching him.
When he's finally done, he hears Mondo hum appreciatively, causing Taka to look at him in confusion, head tilted. Mondo smirks at him, shrugging lightly.
"Ya look good, Taka. Like yerself again. Yer costume yesterday was nice an' all, but this... this is my kyoudai. My Taka. S'all."
His cheeks flush again at the compliment, but he smiles in thanks, looking down at his uniform, biting his lip gently.
"T-thank you, kyoudai! I must admit... while it was, er... interesting, to wear that costume yesterday, I am happy to be back in my uniform! It is much more comfortable!"
Mondo chuckles again, rolling his eyes at him when Taka turns back to face him curiously, a grin on his pale lips. N-not that Taka is staring or anything…
"'Course ya'd say that. Yer uniform looks uncomfortable as shit, but 'course ya like it. Ya fuckin' nerd."
Taka pouts at the comment, crossing his arms indignantly.
"It is not uncomfortable at all, I assure you! Perhaps, if you were to try to wear the uniform the school provides-"
"Oh, please. Not this shit again. I ain't wearin' that shit. Not a fuckin' nerd."
That makes Taka scowl falsely, his hands falling to his hips to show his supposed displeasure. He then glares at Mondo with faux offense, ignoring the ache in his head as he does so.
"You say that like it's a bad thing! What is wrong with being a 'nerd?'" Taka asks, lifting his hands to put air quotes around the word nerd, something he knows that Mondo hates when he does, calling it 'fuckin' lame.' That just makes him want to do it more, to be honest... he'd never known he could be so petty! It's fun! When it's only playful and not at all serious, of course.
He can't help the smile that rises on his face at Mondo's frozen look, though, the teen clearly realizing that Taka has him trapped. After all, he calls Taka a nerd all the time, and if he admits that there is something wrong with looking like a nerd... aha.
"Aw, shut the fuck up! Maybe a nerd like ya can pull off the nerd look, but I ain't like that. My gang'd fuckin' kill me if they ever caught sight a' me in that lame getup. Now, the fuck is the point of this conversation? Fuckin' asinine. Hurry the fuck up an' get outta my room, ya fucker."
Despite the heated words, Taka can see the smile on Mondo's face, the sparkle in his eyes belying the harsh insults. And besides, the fact that Mondo had used the word asinine, a word that Taka is certain Mondo had never heard before meeting him, let alone used... well. It makes something warm and fuzzy develop in his stomach, making him smile brightly at the teen. His head is still aching from the steadily growing migraine, but the longer he's awake, the easier it is to handle. He should head to the dining hall and get some tea soon, though... that usually helps when he starts to feel like this. If it gets really bad, he can head to the nurse and grab some pain medication, which he ran out of a little while ago and hasn't been able to replace. But doing that means leaving Mondo...
"Hm... fine, if that is what you wish, kyoudai! I will head and make myself some tea, then! Will you… 'text me' when you are ready? For later?"
Mondo blinks at him, before smiling brightly as he nods, an excited light filling his eyes at the reminder of later.
"Hell yeah! I'll prolly be busy most a' the day gettin' the shit we'll need together, but I'll text ya when it's all ready. Should be 'round 4:00 or such, right 'fore sunset. I'll see ya later, yeah? Have fun studyin' an' shit."
Taka smiles brightly at Mondo, his feet bringing him forward without conscious thought, his arms rising to wrap around Mondo's neck almost on instinct. He's not entirely sure why he does it, other than he's just... not feeling his best and he's always been a lot clingier when under the weather (one of the main reasons he hates being sick, to be perfectly honest). He's not often the one to initiate contact, too awkward and insecure for it more often than not, but when he hears Mondo's startled inhale of breath, followed by his warm arms wrapping tight around him... hm. It might behoove him to do things like this more often!
"I shall see you later, my kyoudai!" Taka exclaims as he (very reluctantly) pulls away from the embrace, smiling brightly. He flushes, yet again, when Mondo lifts a hand almost absently and brushes back his fringe again, which keeps falling into his eyes. Hm... he should probably cut his hair soon, this is starting to get a little ridiculous... but, well. If he does that, then Mondo won't have any excuse to do this, now would he? Still... it's starting to get unprofessional...
"Heh, yeah... see ya later, kyoudai. Don't, uh... don't forget yer gift, 'kay? 'S on the dresser."
With that, Mondo pulls back, soft blush on his cheeks, to head into the bathroom. Biting his lip, Taka looks to the dresser, seeing the box containing the replica motorcycle Mondo had purchased for him at the festival, his heart swelling as he remembers. He ignores the memories of the other events of the day, not wanting his pleasant warmth to be tainted by the memory of their fight. He's forgiven Mondo. It's fine. He'd even managed to finish the leftover food during dinner the day before, so he hadn't had to feel bad about wasting food.
Pushing all negative emotion out, Taka walks to the dresser and picks up the box, cradling it in his hands carefully, feeling almost reverent as he does so. He's never been given a gift before. Not really, not without any other motive behind it other than because- because the gift giver wanted to give it. His father tries to get him something on holidays and birthdays (when he remembers), but it's always something practical. A new lamp. A replacement backpack. Things that have use; have value. Not a figurine that, ultimately, serves no purpose but to... well, look nice. And to remind Taka of the gift giver whenever he sees it...
Heart swelling, Taka heads reluctantly to the door, looking over to the bathroom one last time.
"Goodbye, kyoudai! I hope you have a good day!" Taka calls out, unable to resist the one last goodbye. He hears some fumbling from behind the door, before he hears Mondo reply with a warm 'see ya, kyoudai!' Smiling brightly, he opens the door and heads out, box still in hand.
"Oh!" he hears a soft voice peep the minute the door clicks shut behind him, making him look up in fright, head aching with the abrupt motion. He settles somewhat when he sees that it's only Fujisaki, her eyes wide as she looks at him.
Feeling strangely like he's been caught doing something he's not supposed to— even though he isn't!— he feels a bright blush bloom on his face, his teeth biting his lip nervously.
After a minute passes and Fujisaki is still staring at him with wide eyes, he shuffles awkwardly, wanting to say something but just... not knowing what. He often feels like that, in the girl's presence. It's not that he doesn't like her, not at all! Just... well. For the most part he just... he just feels bad.
Taka tries not to think of it often, but when he looks back to how he'd treated her, at the beginning of the year... the way he'd ignored her tentative overtures of friendship... well. Now that he no longer hates himself quite as much as he used to (because while the feeling is still there, nestled deep in his heart, Mondo and his gentle compliments are doing wonders for his self-confidence), he can see that he'd been unduly cruel to the girl. She'd been offering him overtures of friendship and he'd allowed his own issues and insecurities to cloud his judgement, leading him to reject her without any real reason. After all, she had never, at any point, done anything to indicate she was being deceitful in her advances, and yet he... he had still... well.
Mostly, it makes him feel ashamed. Especially now that his main reason for rejecting her is obsolete, given that he has allowed himself to have friends, even though none of them technically know about his secret. Not even Mondo, really, though he knows more than the rest. And while part of him does feel anxiety at the thought of them all— even Mondo— abandoning him should they find out the whole truth... it's not enough to make him ruin what he has. Not like it was at the beginning of the year, with Fujisaki and Naegi.
Because of this shame he feels, he feels a bit of awkwardness whenever around the young programmer now, and he just... he doesn't know how to make it better. He doesn't know if it wouldn't just be better to leave the girl alone, his mind always telling him that she'd be better off without you, she doesn't need an idiot like you, leave her alone, which makes him feel even worse, to be honest. He just... doesn't know what she would want most. He can't get a read on her, either, her wide eyes full of emotion that he can't hope to understand...
Another moment passes in awkward silence, before Taka decides to man up and speak first.
"A-ah... hello Fujisaki-kun! Er... how are you this morning?!"
He tries not to cringe at his stilted sounding words, sure that the awkwardness is radiating off him in droves. He can't help it though, he's just an awkward person by nature... plus, he's already not feeling one hundred percent...
Luckily, Fujisaki snaps out of her daze at his words, blushing lightly as she stammers a reply back.
"O-oh... good morning, I-Ishimaru-san! I am doing well. Um... and you?" Fujisaki asks, her eyes darting to the door he is standing in front of, almost unbidden. Mondo's door...
Flushing, he looks down at the ground, feeling strangely caught again, even though he's done nothing wrong! H-he and Mondo are friends, kyoudai, and there's no rules against it, so there's nothing- nothing weird about them sleeping over! E-even if they do sleep in the same bed... while cuddled together... Mondo kissing his hair and pressing hands tight to his skin… watching each other as they change… i-it's nothing strange! R-right...?
Knowing he has to answer soon, or else things will get even more awkward, he looks up at the programmer with a strained smile, shrugging lightly.
"A-ah! I am doing well! I was just, er... grabbing my souvenir from the festival yesterday!" he exclaims, his sluggish mind thankfully picking up on what he can say. And it's not, technically, a lie! ...not really... "I left it in Mondo's room after watching a movie last night and I wanted it back! Aha..."
The girl stares at him with wide eyes again, before blinking, looking away with a soft blush. She looks back after a minute, a small smile on her lips. But... but is it just him, or does something about it look... strangely... sad...?
"Oh, that makes sense. You... y-you and Owada-san have gotten really close, recently, haven't you...?"
Taka feels his heart race at the girl's soft words, something akin to panic rising inside him. She- she isn't... she's not implying anything, is she? H-he... he'd told her why he was in Mondo's room, and while, yes, he'd technically been lying, the girl didn't seem to distrust his word... o-or- or did she? Did she- does she think that- that he and Mondo... that they were-
He's startled out of his panicked thoughts when Fujisaki continues, her voice soft and... and... does she sound... sad?
"T-that's good! I... I'm glad you've been making some friends, Ishimaru-san! You... you deserve them..."
Taka's heart clenches at the quiet words, the girl looking down at her feet as she crosses one arm over her chest, clutching her other arm awkwardly, like she's feeling uncomfortable. And Taka... Taka...
Taka frowns deeply, the rushing of shame that fills him too much for his aching mind to handle. He can't say for sure, since he still is so woefully inept at all things relating other people, but he thinks that maybe... well. Maybe Fujisaki is feeling sad right now. And maybe... maybe it's because of how she'd been among the first to extend the hand of friendship to him, and he'd ultimately rejected it. And while he has seen her 'hanging out' with Naegi sometimes, or sometimes Kuwata, more often than not he finds her by herself, sitting alone. Not really talking to the other girls, but not spending much time with the boys, either.
And now... now, here he is, with four new friends under his belt, and a few others he is friendly with, even though he'd been so cruel to the first to offer him such a branch. In his tired, aching mind, with the rushing shame filling him, he can't help how devastated the thought makes him feel. H-he... he'd been so rude to her! And maybe she doesn't actually care, maybe he's misreading the whole thing, but the more he thinks about it all, the more and more guilt comes to eat away at him. And he thinks about how he... he has to make this right! Somehow... somehow, he has to make this right...
"A-ah! Thank you, uh... Chihiro...?" She'd told him he could call her that once, yes? Shoot, don't think about it, keep going, stupid- "W-would... would you like to join me for breakfast?! I-I need to put my souvenir in my room first, b-but after-! We could... could eat... together...?"
Ah! Why had he asked that?! Stupid! He'd let his feelings of guilt and the sluggishness of his mind get the better of him, and now he's making an utter fool out of himself, bothering the poor girl when she'd not done anything to indicate that she'd want such a thing— other than look sad, which the emotional girl always looks! His face is bright red, and his head is throbbing, his embarrassment and awkwardness reaching peak levels.
To make matters (somehow) worse, Fujisaki is just staring at him again, her eyes wide, and as the seconds pass, Taka starts to feel more and more self-doubt, his hands shaking as thoughts assault him. Oh... oh dear, what if he's offended the young girl? What if Mondo and Kuwata had actually been right and she never had wanted to spend time with him, the girl merely trying to be polite at the beginning of the year? Yes, she had looked sad earlier, but how can he know what that look had meant? Maybe she was sad to be in a conversation with him and is now feeling even more upset! Oh no! Oh dear! He is such an idiot, so pathetic, and stupid, and he doesn't deserve the friends he has-
"Y-yes! I would... I would love to eat breakfast with you, T-Taka! I-if you really want to... y-you don't have to, though, it's really okay..."
Taka is jolted out of his spiraling thoughts (again) by the girl's voice. He looks up at her, his eyes wide, and sees her looking at him, a small smile on her lips that fades the more that her doubts come in. By the end of her sentence, she is looking at the ground again, her arm tight around her waist, looking self-conscious, which is a feeling he knows all too well. He's still feeling it now, in fact... but the more he watches Fujisaki (or is it Chihiro? He... h-he doesn't know...) as she fiddles with her skirt, the more the feelings start to, well... settle inside of him.
He doesn't know if he'll ever stop feeling so self-conscious and so self-depreciating, but he does know that he doesn't feel quite as miserable as he once had, weeks and months and years ago. At some point over the last two weeks— he isn't quite sure when— he's... he's started to trust himself more. To trust his friends more. Mondo at least partially knows his secret— his original secret— and while the others don't, he doesn't... well. He doesn't worry as deeply as he once had about losing everyone if it should ever be revealed, trusting in Mondo enough to truly believe that he'd not let something like his grandfather and his history get in the way of their brotherhood... at least... he hopes...
(And... and as for his second secret... his newer secret-to-even-himself secret… well. Hina knows that, and he's fairly certain Sakura does, too. And Mondo... Mondo may not know, but he'd said that- that he wouldn't hate him if he- if he were-)
So, with shock, he finds that it's almost easy for him to push aside the gnawing self-doubt and self-loathing and smile at the girl, the look a little strained but kind regardless. And when she looks at him through her eyelashes, he nods as quickly as his still aching head will allow, suddenly needing her to understand that he does mean what he is saying...
"A-ah... y-yes! It would be a great honor for you to eat breakfast with me! I have a- a later appointment at 8:00, but until then I should have plenty of time to eat with you, if you so desire! And... a-and perhaps if you'd like... p-perhaps we can even study together? N-not right now, if you do not wish! B-but maybe... sometime? I- I know you've asked that, before..."
His words are more awkward than he wants them to be, and he's just about to scrap the whole thing, feeling discouraged at the open shock on Fujisaki's face (and he supposes it is Fujisaki, still... he really shouldn't feel as disappointed by the thought as he does...), but before his thoughts can spiral any further, he watches with amazement as the girl smiles, wider than he's ever seen it. And while her eyes are still misty and she has an air of sadness still clinging to her, Taka doesn't think he's amiss to say that she... well, that she looks almost happy.
"O-oh! I would... I would love to, um... Taka! I-it's... is it okay for me to call you that? I- I probably should have asked first... s-sorry..."
"No need to apologize, C-Chihiro!" Taka blurts out, stumbling over her name, not wanting to offend her by not using it, if she wants to call him by his nickname... and then a thought comes to his mind and he gently bites his lip as he carefully places a hand on her shoulder, hoping it to be reassuring, like it is to him when Mondo does it... "Of course you may call me Taka! We... we are friends, after all! ... r-right?"
The words come out a lot more confident than he truly feels, even if he stumbles at the end, but Chihiro doesn't seem to mind. She just smiles widely again, nodding her head.
"Y-yes! W-we are! At least... I see us as friends. Um... t-thank you, Taka. For... for inviting me... it- it means a lot..."
Taka smiles at the hesitant girl, squeezing her shoulder gently before pulling it back.
"You needn't thank me! In fact, I should be thanking you! You were always so kind to me, at the beginning of the year... a-and I realize now that I was... er... kind of cruel to you... b-but! I wish for us to start over! If... if you can forgive me, that is... because I am- er. I am sorry! For my behavior!"
Taka cringes at the awkward words, cursing himself for his foolishness. A-ah... why had he said that? He means them, yes, but... b-but he hadn't meant to sound so uncertain, so... awkward. And the worst part is that part of him wants to keep going, to ask forgiveness for everything, for ignoring her, for thinking unfairly about her, for being so needlessly cruel by rejecting her kindness... but he knows that he can't. Knows that if he keeps going, he's has a high likelihood of sabotaging any friendship they might have before it even starts. And he... he finds that he truly doesn't want that, truth be told! He's always liked Chihiro and her quiet nature quite a lot. N-not like that, of course! But, well... like a friend. It's why he'd been so distressed at the beginning of the year at the thought of bullying her into spending time with him, to be honest...
His heart starts to beat fast when he notices Chihiro looking at him with her wide eyes again, before her eyebrows furrow, her head tilting with confusion. A-ah... that doesn't look good...
"U-um... okay? But I- I didn't notice you being cruel to me... w-what do you... what do you mean?"
...ah! Oh dear!
Taka bites his lip at the almost upset look on the girl's face, her eyes more watery than usual, and he feels even worse. Oh dear... he'd thought she'd recognized what he'd done... thought she could tell that he'd been purposely avoiding her, though not for the reasons she probably would have assumed... but- but now he realizes that she hadn't, and now... now... once she realizes the truth, she is going to... to hate him...
W-well! That doesn't matter! Because now... now, he has to own up! Be honest! It is the moral thing to do!
Even if she does hate him after...
"A-ah-! W-well... you were so kind to me, you know. Asking to study with me. Wanting to talk with me. Other than- than Naegi-kun, no one else really made the same effort. Not at first. And I... I ignored you. I was cruel, because..." Taka pauses, his stomach churning as he thinks about what he's about to confess. But... but maybe he owes it to her, to let her know that it wasn't her fault that he is so messed up... "well. Because I'd never had a friend before, and I was afraid that if you got to know me— truly know me... well. That you'd hate me. Everyone had always hated me before, and I... I was too afraid to try and think that you would be different. But it wasn't fair to you! You'd done nothing to make me think such a thing! A-and now that I have- have Mondo, I know that friendship isn't something to be afraid of! It is important! And you... well. If you are still willing, even after what I have said, I would love to be friends with you! B-but it's okay if you have changed your mind! No pressure!"
There! He'd confessed! His insides feel like they're about to squirm out of his body, and he feels like he's about to pass out, but he'd done it. And now... now it's up to Chihiro if she accepts or not. And if she doesn't... w-well! That is her decision! She has a right to... to not forgive him for his deplorable actions!
God, his head is hurting...
It takes a few moments for his words to sink in, the girl still frowning at him in confusion for several second after, but once they do, she blinks. And then she looks down, a frown on her face. And then...
"O-oh... I hadn't noticed. I always just thought you were, you know... too busy. But... but I think I understand what you mean. I... um... I never had too many friends, either. I still don't, not really... Makoto talks to me sometimes, L-Leon too, but I don't know if they really want to or if they just do it out of obligation... and some of the girls also try and talk with me, but I always feel so awkward around them... that, um... that's kind of why I had wanted to spend time with you, actually. You seemed nice, and you always looked at me when I spoke, asking questions and things, like you were actually listening to me... even when I talked about boring stuff... I didn't know you thought I would hate you, though! I promise you, I wouldn't. I- I was more worried that you would... that you would hate me. B-but if... but if you want to be friends with me, then I'd love to be friends with you, too, Taka."
The girl is looking up at him now, smiling softly, her eyes shining lightly. And Taka... Taka feels himself smile back, the smile growing the more time that passes. He hadn't really expected her words, but they touch him deeply. After all... he knows exactly how she feels. It's how he's always felt since he was a child. And as he looks at her, something inside of him settles, and a rush of happiness and enthusiasm floods through him, momentarily distracting him from the pain he still feels in his head. After all. He's just made another friend! He thinks!
"Yes! I am so happy to hear that! Then it is settled! We shall be friends!" he enthuses, grin bright and happy, pushing aside the nervous churning in his gut. The churning vanishes completely, though, when Chihiro... Chihiro giggles, something he doesn't think he's ever heard the girl do before! It's wonderful!
"Oh... okay! I will do my best to be a good friend to you, T-Taka! Um... I might not be the best friend, since I've never, um... never really had a friend before... so let me know if I ever do anything that bothers you, okay? I want to be a good friend..."
Taka feels his heart clench at the soft words, and— emboldened by the rush of endorphins still assaulting him— he clasps her shoulder again, shaking his head once firmly.
"You needn't worry about such a thing! You will be a great friend! You already are! You will not bother me, I promise! Okay?"
Chihiro looks up at him again with her wide eyes and she... she smiles. And she nods, a light blush on her cheeks.
"O-okay! O... okay."
Taka smiles at her one last time, before looking down at the box he's still holding, biting his lip gently.
"Anyway! I still need to put my souvenir in my room, and then we can go to breakfast! Alright?" Taka asks, looking at the girl. She smiles, nodding quickly. He nods back, before moving back and heading over to his dorm, one room down. He fishes his key card out of his pocket and opens the door.
He finds himself pausing before heading in, though, and looks back over his shoulder. Seeing Chihiro standing there, still holding her arm awkwardly, he... he realizes he doesn't want to leave her alone. Not so soon after becoming friends with her... when he thinks of himself, he thinks such a thing would have hurt him tremendously, had it happened with Mondo after the sauna. And Chihiro... well. She does so remind him of himself...
"Chihiro! Would you, er..." he pauses here, not sure what exactly he means to say. But when she looks up at him, eyes still wide, head tilted, he knows he has to say something. Well, here goes nothing... "ah. Would you like to come in, while I put my souvenir away?! That way, you don't have to wait for me outside! I mean, if you-"
He doesn't even get a chance to finish his self-conscious words before Chihiro is nodding, smiling brightly. Smiling brightly back— pushing down the nerves— he holds open the door to her, trying not to think about how this is the first time he's ever had a girl in his room before. W-well! At least he always keeps his room nice and tidy!
Taka enters the room after Chihiro, shuffling a bit awkwardly as he realizes he's not quite sure what to do now. All of his other friends have been more outgoing than him, even Sakura. It's never been up to him to keep the conversation going before... ah. Hm. Well! It seems he will just have to learn!
At least right now he does have something to do. After his moment of awkwardness, he strides into the room, heading over to the counter space that he has his kendo sword leaning against. He doesn't have any personal items there, as he doesn't really own anything that would be deserving of such a prime place in his room. Well... he used to not have anything...
"Y-your room is nice, Taka. I, um... I like your posters," Chihiro calls to him, causing him to look over his shoulder at the girl. She looks very uncomfortable, her eyes darting around but seeming reluctant to look at anything for too long, like she doesn't know if she has the right. Ah! Oh no!
"T-thank you! You may look around, if you'd like!" he offers, though he blushes when he sees Chihiro blush. A-ah... perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say...? He doesn't know, it's not like he's ever had a friend over before! Well... other than Mondo, of course, but the biker never really seems to care about social niceties and such. And his parents never had friends over either, since they were as much of social pariahs as he was...
"O-oh... okay! Thank you!"
With that, Chihiro starts moving slowly, taking a closer look at the posters he has on the wall. A-ah... so it seemed it was the right thing to say...
He watches the girl as she looks at his few wall hangings for a moment, glad he has nothing strange on his wall (like Mondo does, with his large wall hanging with his gang's name on it... Taka had found the cloth backdrop a little strange at first, not really sure of its purpose, but now that he's gotten used to it, the plain design is more endearing to him than anything else now). For him, he mostly has cheap motivational posters he'd found on sale at the general store, ones that had once helped to inspire him when he was feeling the most hopeless. He doesn't need them as much, not now, but he has some sentimental attachment to them, he must confess. He also has some school guide posters, with equations and facts on them.
She moves on quickly from looking at the posters, to looking curiously around the room. Honestly, for the most part, his room is pretty barren... of personal items, at least. Obviously, he has his textbooks and other school supplies carefully aligned on his desk, neat and tidy like always. He also has his kendo and exercise gear, as well as an iron and ironing board that he's borrowing from the school, after asking the headmaster to borrow one following the last disaster at the laundry room. He had only meant for one day, to make it easier on himself, but the headmaster had laughed and said he could keep it the rest of the year if he'd like. Beside that is a rack where he hangs up his arm bands, to keep them straight.
However... other than that, he doesn't really have much in his room that is personal or sentimental, most of his valuables either having been sold years ago, or left at home, to keep them safe (like his mother's old, hand-written cookbook, which he's read enough times to have memorized by now, anyway). He realizes now though that— in his room at least— there's nothing he has that is truly personal and his, to be honest. Well. Except for-
"O-oh... is this your mom? She's- she's really pretty..."
Taka feels himself freeze at the words, his eyes wide as he looks over at Chihiro, who is holding the picture frame he keeps at the edge of his desk, usually facing away from his bed since seeing it often pains him. A-ah... he'd... he'd forgotten about that...
Putting the box that he is still (for some reason) holding down, he walks over to Chihiro almost in a trance, looking at the picture over her shoulder, even though he's long since memorized it. He still can't help the way his heart clenches at the sight of it, even as a small smile rises on his lips.
The picture lovingly framed shows a rare truly happy and peaceful time between his mother and him. He's around five in it, Before everything changed. His face is rounded and chubby with baby fat, his eyes squinting as he grins brightly for the camera. His mother is laughing, her scarlet red eyes he'd inherited also squinting as she looks at the camera, the fatigue and sadness that was always on her face After not present then. They are pressed close together, his mother holding him in her arms with their cheeks squished together as they both laugh, for reasons he doesn't quite remember. It's spring, the cherry blossoms in full bloom, falling gently around them as they laugh. His father had taken the picture, he remembers, the man happy as he caught the moment of joy. It... it's a good picture. A nice picture. A nice memory.
It's his favorite picture of him and his mother, honestly. They'd never been the type to take many photos Before and could never afford a camera to take any After, even if they'd wanted to. Part of him— he is ashamed to admit— is happy for that fact. He likes the fact that his mother will always remain like this in his mind. Happy, and laughing, and healthy. Not the wan, sickly figure he remembers her being, right before her death. He feels awful thinking it, but...
"Y-yes..." he finds himself muttering, realizing he's been quiet for far too long. "Thank you."
Another awkward silence overtakes them, before Chihiro looks back at him, biting her lip gently.
"Are you... are you two close?"
"... yes. We... we were."
The silence returns.
"... o-oh..."
Taka takes a deep breath, his heart aching softly as he turns away from the picture and looks at Chihiro, smiling softly at the girl, feeling bad about the worried expression he finds there. Biting his lip, he shrugs slightly, looking back at the picture.
"She, u-uh... she died. When I was eight. Cancer. We... ah. W-we couldn't afford her treatment. I... I had to watch as she faded away, unable to do anything to help. And one day she just... never woke up. No matter how much I... w-well. I-it... it was not an easy time, to say the least. Especially for my father..."
And that's a huge understatement. His mother's death had... broken the man, in every way. He'd been slowly getting worn down ever since his grandfather's fall, but he still would find time to laugh and smile. With his mother there, things were good, as long as they all had each other.
But when she died... he often thinks it was like he'd lost two parents that day, not one. His father had just... faded. He worked, and he ate, and he slept, but... it was like he was a ghost. Drifting through the world; there, but also not. The man had barely spoken for several months after the funeral, looking through Taka like he wasn't even there...
Taka had had to learn to take care of himself after that, despite the acute grief he'd felt himself. He'd had to learn how to make his own meals and cut his own hair, and find ways to comfort himself, so that he didn't bother his father. So that he wasn't a burden. So that he... he wasn't... wasn't so useless...
But he doesn't blame the man! God, no! He loves his father, more than anything! And the pain that he had felt... that he still feels to this day, the pain of losing the one person you love the most in this world... w-when he even thinks of losing Mondo like that... he can't even imagine what that would be like. What he would become, if he- if he had to... and he's only known Mondo for a handful of months, been friends with him for even less. His father and mother had been married for over ten years, knowing one another for six more. They'd met in middle school and had quickly became the absolute best of friends, even before they'd started dating, he knows. He can't... he can't even imagine what that would feel like, losing someone like that, and he doesn't blame his father for the sorrow he feels. Especially since he knows his father blames himself for it all.
Still... it doesn't make it hurt any less...
"O-oh... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bring up a bad memory..."
Taka blinks as he looks at the girl, who looks so guilty it makes his chest ache. He smiles at her shakily, shaking his head firmly, ignoring his aching head yet again, even though it is starting to hurt a lot more now...
"Ah, no, Chihiro! You needn't apologize at all! I don't mind thinking about her! It helps keep her memory alive! She... she and I were always close, you know. Remembering her... it's the closest I can get to her, without her being here. So, please don't worry. I said you could look, and I had meant it! Now, I should probably finish putting away my souvenir!"
He doesn't entirely mean the words he says, though he truly wishes he does. He loves remembering his mother, loves remembering her kind smile and her beautiful laugh, but it hurts, too. It... it always hurts... s-still. He hadn't wanted Chihiro to feel bad, so he doesn't feel too guilty on his partial fib.
Taka forces himself to smile shakily at the girl again, before heading back to the counter he'd left his box at, pushing all the negative thoughts and feelings back into the corner of his mind that he usually keeps them in. He has more important things to do, now...
As careful as he can, he opens the box and reaches in to take the motorcycle out with reverent hands, his breath hitching when he sees it again. It's as shining as it had been the previous day, the black paint glistening in the pale sunlight flowing in from the windows, fully distracting him from the sad moment earlier. It is— by far— the nicest thing he has ever owned, and he feels a rush of affection to Mondo for giving him such a precious gift. Especially one that has such meaning...
"O-oh... that looks really pretty..."
Taka looks over at Chihiro, who has wandered over to him after having put his mother's picture back, looking at the motorcycle with curious eyes. Taka smiles as he looks back at it as well, the affection and warmth swelling, not minding her curiosity at all.
"Mondo gave it to me! I've never been given a gift before... not one that has no practical value, at least!" he finds himself explaining, smiling softly as he remembers. With deft hands, he takes out the stand the motorcycle comes with, placing it carefully on the counter, directly in the center. He then places the motorcycle on top, adjusting it slightly until it's just perfect. And then he beams, seeing it alone on the counter, a clear reminder of the person who had given him such a precious gift.
"That sounds very nice... Mondo sounds like a good friend."
Taka looks at the girl again, still smiling. He nods emphatically.
"Yes! He is the best friend I could have hoped for! He- he has helped me so much over the past few weeks!" Taka exclaims, bright and happy. Chihiro smiles brightly at him, the happiest he's seen her yet.
"Well, I'm glad! I'm glad you have someone like him, Taka... it makes me happy."
Her soft words make him feel even happier, especially since he can tell she's being sincere. He doesn't reply, though, not with words. He just smiles, and lets his smile speak for him.
After a moment, he looks at the clock, and winces slightly as he sees the time.
"A-ah, we should head to breakfast! I had wanted to study before meeting Hina, so we should eat quick! Would you like to join me while I study after we eat?"
Chihiro nods, saying she would love to, and with that, they exit his room and head to the dining hall together, chatting softly about this and that, the conversation only slightly stilted at first until they find a rhythm and things get easier. Taka is finally able to drink a cup of tea and eat some food, and while it doesn't cure his headache entirely, it makes the pounding easier to manage. He can feel his mind and heart settling as he smiles at the girl across from him as she enthusiastically talks about programming, comfortable at last now that she is in her element.
Later, in the library, as Chihiro sits quietly across from him as she works on her homework, Taka takes a moment to feel glad that he's done this. That he's extended the branch he'd initially denied, asking Chihiro to be his friend despite their rough start. He has a feeling this friendship will be a bit more work for him, that he'll have to put in twice as much effort as his other friendships, but he doesn't mind that at all. In fact, he has never minded putting effort into things! As long as he knows that Chihiro does, in fact, want to be friends with him... well. Then he doesn't mind having to put in all the effort in the world. She is a wonderful girl, and he thinks that- that if he... well. If he weren't so focused on school, she might be the kind of person that he'd want to be with. Romantically speaking.
(And if he weren't already so in love, that is...)
But as it stands, friendship with her is more than he could have hoped for, after all he's done. And, with this success under his belt, he starts to wonder if maybe he shouldn't do the same to Naegi. Or... Makoto, as the boy had once told Taka to call him. Despite his still low self-confidence, he's sure that the kind-hearted boy would understand his reasons, same as Chihiro had. Maybe they could become friends, or maybe not, but at least he might be able to get over his guilt at how needlessly callous he'd been. Because now that he's allowing himself to think on it... he realizes that it has been eating at him for months now. Late at night, when sitting beside Mondo, he'd been churning with guilt over how he could have something nice like this, and yet have been so cruel.
Speaking with Chihiro— the one he, arguably, had hurt the most— apologizing and befriending the girl... it had made a weight he hadn't even realized he'd been carrying lift from his shoulders, leaving him lighter and freer than he'd previously been. And yes, he still has Makoto to speak to, but... he's hopeful. Hopeful he will be able to make another new friend, hopeful that things will finally, finally be okay. He's been pushing all of his hope away, even with how close he and Mondo have grown, terrified of it all falling down around him.
But now? In this moment?
Now, he and Mondo have survived their first big fight as friends. Now, he has managed to befriend not just one, not just two, but four additional people, mostly on his own. Now, he has started to make amends for the cruelty he feels he has committed, rectifying the actions he's done that he regrets. Now...
Now, he has things to look forward to. Before, he'd lived each day as it came, not looking forward to things, too afraid that things would fall apart for him to even dare hope for anything more. He'd kept to himself, contained in his small bubble, too terrified to ever leave it.
But now... now, he has a swimming 'date' with Hina (as she calls it), after which he will probably join her for lunch, with Sakura, Sayaka, Chihiro, and Makoto likely joining them, too (not Mondo, sadly, since he had mentioned that he likely wouldn't have a chance today, given how he's preparing). Now, he has a few additional study sessions set up with Chihiro, who seems enthusiastic about the idea.
And now, he... he has an appointment with Mondo tonight, to ride with him on his motorcycle, something that should absolutely terrify him but mostly just makes him feel excited (and a little scared. But mostly excited!).
He isn't even really worried about losing it. Not fully. Not right then. He knows that the risk is there, that there are things that can, quite easily, destroy the peace and happiness he has been building. He knows all too well how fast things can fall apart, how all it takes is a day and everything can crumble to dust before his eyes. And he is afraid of that, of course he is! But he has hope. Hope that this will work out. Hope that this will last. Hope that things can finally, finally work out well. That he can finally, finally be happy. And, more than that… that he can finally be able to keep that happiness.
The point is... if he had told himself, at the beginning of this school year, that he'd find himself in such a place, barely two months later? If he could look that sad, frightened, painfully insecure boy in the eyes and tell him that this, this is what he will get? This is what becomes of him, a couple short months later? Well… he knows for a fact that he would have never believed it. Never, not in a million years.
And yet...
And yet.
And it... all of it, all of what he currently has, all of what he has managed to build? All of it... all of it is because of Mondo. Either directly or because of the way the biker has helped him grow, taking his insecurities and gently, carefully untangling them, correcting them, making him see that he deserves more. That he deserves better than what the world has given him. That he deserves to want more.
He still has a long way to go. He knows that; he's not that naive. He can still feel anxiety racing through his heart when he thinks of the future, of things he cannot control. He knows he has more growing to do, more trauma to unlearn. He still can't... can't accept certain truths about himself, not yet; not quite. But he's getting there, by god is he getting there. He's getting close to being the kind of person he wants to be. Confident, personable, professional... and happy.
And happy.
Only time will tell where this all will lead. If things will crumble or if they will follow this path. If he will fall apart or if he will finally build himself up. He doesn't know what will happen next, but...
But. For the first time, in his life, he... Taka, he...
He has hope.
And, at the end of the day...
Is that not what matters most?
Awww, Taka is making more friends! And has hope! I wonder how long that will last... ;-)
Yet again, this chapter and the next were supposed to be connected, with their 'ride' occurring in this chapter, but I just... got lost with Chihiro and Taka and all of that. I love Chi as a character and hope I did them justice. Also... I would like to mention that Chi's canon revelation is still in affect in this story, yeah? I just have everyone call Chi "sheher" because they've not revealed themselves yet. But, in this story, Chi is indeed actually male. I refer to them as "theythem" in the notes since I know their gender is up for interpretation, but in this story their gender follows the game. I have a chapter later on that reveals all this, and I hope I do it all justice.
Anyway... I hope Taka and Mondo's relationship progress seems natural and not too quick. I realized a little while ago that my timeline for this story was super off, and that I, uh... accidentally added an extra week to October? So I had to try and delete that extra week, but in doing so made them have less time as friends to make this whole thing make sense, but even if hadn't... it's still a bit quick, oof. Though... considering how they went from hating each other to being best friends in the span of a single night in the game, it's not super OOC, ha. Especially since Taka had a complete emotional breakdown when Mondo died, despite being friends for, like... a week, in their minds.
And finally... this chapter and its issues. Oof. So, this chapter originally didn't have Taka having a headache, but did have him being all... weirdly sleepy? And lethargic? With absolutely NO explanation. Also, he was super confident with Chi? Like, in a way I never had him before and never have him again. I hated it while writing it, hated it after finishing writing it, but had no idea how to fix it, not then. So I was like... whatever, ignore it, move on, try not to dwell on it and psych myself out on writing the rest of this story and just fix it later. Which I finally did after writing a much later chapter that references this one. It still has some problems, but I'm happy enough with how it turned out. I hope y'all liked it! Next chapter is a lot better and one of my favs, so that's something at least.
See y'all next week!