67
Harry didn't want to get up. He felt incredibly sad. He felt like he was in this new predicament all by himself now that his dad didn't want anything else to do with him. The man was clearly at his limit and Harry could hardly blame him. It was all so overwhelming.
He finally decided to get up once he heard all the guys talking. He opened the curtains surrounding his bed to a hearty welcome from everyone in the room which brought a smile to his face.
"Where you been," Ron started to ask before stopping as he looked at the metal dampers covering Harry's arms. "What the bloody hell are those?"
Seamus and Neville came over to look at the dampers as well. Seamus knocked on the metal.
"Looks like something from a futuristic movie I saw," Seamus said. "Robots and stuff," he clarified.
"What do they do, Harry," Neville asked.
"They just help stabilize my magic. I can't do any magic while I'm wearing them so you guys have to help me." He certainly wasn't going to tell them just how out of control his magic was making him feel these days.
"What do you need, mate," Ron asked.
"Just maybe help with my shirt. Can you spell this one clean?" Harry asked, looking down at the rumpled mess of a shirt he was wearing. "I can't take it off and regular shirts don't fit over the dampers."
"I can help with that," Neville said, going back to his nightstand to get his wand.
Harry stood still while Neville cast a cleaning charm. Harry yelped as he felt the cleaning charm go through his shirt and brush over the wound on his shoulder. He grabbed at his shoulder as he hissed out in pain. He looked at his hand and realized the wound had started to bleed again.
"Harry, I'm sorry!" Neville cried. "I didn't know my charm was so strong!"
"It's okay Nev. I got hurt yesterday," Harry said, trying not to show how much pain he was in.
"I can fix it," Seamus said. He held his wand out as if he would spell away the blood but Ron stopped him.
"Don't make it worse!" Ron yelled, pushing Seamus' wand down. "You better go see Madame Pomfrey or Professor Snape."
Harry didn't want to see either of those people at this particular moment. He looked down at his shoulder, thinking that Hermione would probably be able to fix it.
Unfortunately, he didn't see Hermione at breakfast or his first two classes. He wondered where she was but no one else seen her either.
As he began his walk down to the dungeons for Potions Class, he could feel that heavy melancholy, that had plagued him since yesterday, creeping in again. He felt incredibly sad and there was a heavy feeling of loss that wouldn't leave him. He had attributed the feeling to the loss of his magic but he was beginning to think it was something more. The idea of having to go through some obscure spell to get rid of Voldemort's magic actually scared him to his core. What if he lost control once the dampers were off and he hurt his dad or someone else? The heaviness in his heart grew until he felt his throat close up as if he wanted to cry. He quickly shook his head and tried to snap out of it. He couldn't let himself slip into a depression when it sounded as if his dad was working so hard on trying to make this whole situation right again.
Oh Merlin, his dad. The man should know better than to let him live with this fucking creature inside him but the blasted man just wasn't open to hearing reason.
Harry continued to trudge down to the dungeon, dreading his encounter with his dad. He was exhausted by the time he made it to the Potion classroom and all he wanted to do was sleep.
Severus was already in the classroom when he arrived and didn't even look up when Harry came into the room. Harry sat in the back again. Draco moved from his seat below to come sit next to him.
"You guys look like hell," Draco said, waving his hand from Harry to Severus. "That was a shitty thing to do to me. Your dad threatened to expel me if I don't find those magical bands, Potter."
"Sorry," Harry said.
"Is that all you've got to say?" Draco asked in exasperation. "Granger and I spent five hours searching for those things and I still have no idea where they are. That room is huge."
"Hermione knows about everything?" Harry asked with a groan."Is she still looking? She hasn't been in any classes or at breakfast."
"No, Severus asked her to help with researching that spell. He excused her from classes today," Draco said. "She was practically salivating on those books."
"Sounds about right," Harry said. He looked up and studied his dad. The man was exhausted too and he wondered if he'd stayed up all night doing research. He must be getting desperate if he invited Hermione down to the apartment for help. Still, even the sight of his dad with black circles under his eyes and looking fatigued didn't make Harry change his mind about his request. He had to make his dad understand.
Just then, Severus started the lecture and the class fell silent. His dad droned on and on about murtlap weed and it was so incredibly boring that Harry felt his head buzz with sleepiness. Before long, Harry's eyes drifted closed and he fell into a deep sleep.
Severus stood at the front of the class, glancing every now and again at his son. The boy's head was beginning to nod and Severus knew that Harry must not have gotten any sleep last night. It didn't surprise him at all, considering the boy was under the assumption that he needed to die if this spell didn't work. It frustrated him to no end that Harry would even consider something as idiotic as that. Did he have no sense of self preservation? No, the boy never had. He'd been raised by his relatives and Dumbledore to put everyone else ahead of himself.
Severus watched as his son's head lolled forward and he knew the boy was asleep. He wrestled with the idea of sending a hex that way to wake him but then wondered if Harry had been plagued with nightmares again. It would be just like the foolish Gryffindor to take on the weight of the world again and bring about those dreaded nightmares.
Severus was distressed with the whole situation. The spell was much more complicated than he'd anticipated and there was no room for error or he might turn Harry into a Squibb. He'd had Granger down there all day doing research along with him and Albus. The only reason he was teaching this class right now was so that he could assess Harry.
The class finally ended and the boy remained asleep. Severus stood next to his son's desk, shaking his head when Draco looked as if he would wake him. The class emptied out with sniggers and laughs when the students walked by Harry's sleeping form.
Once the door closed behind the last student, Severus prodded Harry with his wand to wake him. The boy didn't even bat an eye. Severus finally grabbed his shoulder and shook him as he called his name.
"Harry, wake up."
Harry stirred a little, then suddenly sat up straight and rubbed his face. The metal dampers made it awkward to do so and he dropped his arms to the desk in front of him.
"What? Where is everyone?" Harry asked as he looked around.
"I assume they are at lunch," Severus drawled. "May I also assume that you did not sleep last night?"
Harry shrugged, then looked up into his dad's face. "You don't look so great either."
Severus just raised an eyebrow.
"Well you don't," Harry said, ignoring the man's glare. "Are you still angry?"
Severus looked as if he was ramping up for a lecture but then just shook his head.
"No, I'm just disappointed," Severus said.
Harry put a hand to his heart, "Ouch, I'd rather you be mad at me." Harry shifted his hand and touched his tender shoulder through his robe. He winced at the touch.
Severus peeled the robe back and was shocked to see bright red blood covering the shirt again.
"You are bleeding," Severus admonished.
Harry looked down at his chest and saw much more blood staining his shirt than he did this morning. "Oh, that. Yeah, I didn't think it was that bad."
Something seemed to snap in Severus and he felt a frustrated anger bubble within. Clearly the boy had known that the injury needed attention but had not asked for help. It was hard for him to fathom the reasoning behind Harry's actions but it was clear that Harry did not put his health as a priority. That was about to change.
"Get up," Severus sternly demanded. He pulled Harry up by the good arm. "Get to the apartment now so that I can take care of this."
"See, you are still mad!" Harry accused, pushing Severus's hand away.
Severus prodded the boy out the door and down the hallway to the steps leading down to the apartment. "You are a foolish Gryffindor and cannot be trusted to take care of your own self. I'll not put up with this any longer."
Once again, Harry was shocked by the man's anger. He hadn't thought that he'd done anything terrible? He had just underestimated the injury.
"It's not that bad," Harry said, as he tried to placate the man. "Doesn't even really hurt."
Severus held his temper in until he opened the apartment door. He shoved his son in before slamming the door behind them.
"Doesn't even hurt? You were bleeding out in my classroom and you say it doesn't even hurt?"
Harry turned to look at his dad, "Why're you so angry anyway? What the bloody hell did I do now?"
Severus breathed in deeply as his fists clenched. "You don't have the common sense of a mountain troll. I can't trust you to take care of yourself without risking another life threatening injury and I am not going to put up with it any longer!"
Harry took a few steps back away from the irate man. "Calm the bloody hell down."
"How dare,…" Severus began to say.
A throat cleared in the room and both Harry and Severus suddenly noticed that not only Dumbledore but also Hermione were at the dining room table surrounded by books.
"Gentlemen, is there a problem?" Albus asked, looking from one man to the other.
"Yes, my dad has finally lost it. Too many potion fumes have mad him nutters," Harry said as he walked further into the room.
Severus grabbed Harry by the arm and flung him down on the sofa. He leaned down close and pointed a finger in his son's face. "Do not move,"
Severus ignored Albus and Granger and stormed down to his laboratory.
Hermione's eyes were huge as she asked, "Harry, what did you do?"
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I'm telling you, the man is losing it," Harry said, saying the last sentence loud enough that his dad should be able to hear down in the lab. Even so, he wasn't stupid enough to move from the sofa. Besides, his shoulder really was pulsating with pain. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes when a dizziness swept over him.
"Professor Dumbledore told me what happened with your wand Harry. Does your shoulder hurt?" Hermione asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa as she put a hand to his knee.
"A little," Harry said with his eyes still closed.
"Which really means, he's in agony," Severus said as he re-entered the room, holding potions and bandages. "Foolish boy."
"Now Severus," Albus began but was cut off by Severus.
"No, Albus. I'll not stand for this any longer," He said, peeling back the robe to expose the bloody shirt. He spelled away the bloody shirt and robe.
"Oh, Harry," Hermione exclaimed. "That looks terrible."
Harry winced as the cold air brushed over the open wound. He used his fingertips to feel the wound. His dad quickly slapped his hand away.
"You will contaminate the wound," Severus said and then began to clean it out. "Albus do you mind getting someone to cover my last class?"
"Certainly," Albus said, giving Severus a pat on the back before leaving through the floo.
Harry leaned his head back on the sofa again and closed his eyes. He tried to ignore the sharp sting as his dad applied a potion.
"Just relax, This will only hurt for a minute," Severus quietly said in a tone that made Harry squeeze his eyes shut in anticipation of something painful to come.
Harry didn't want to see what was about to happen. He felt Hermione hold one of his hands and squeeze it just before he felt a burning sensation emanating from his shoulder. His eyes flew open to see Severus with his wand out and a small red flame coming from the tip of his wand.
He smelled burned flesh as he squeezed his eyes shut again and held his breath until the sharp pain subsided. He wiped tears from his face as he let out the breath he'd been holding in.
"That bloody hurt," Harry croaked out, his eyes still red rimmed.
"It was deep," Severus said. He wiped his hands on a rag before he inspected the wound. "I had to cauterize the wound. It shouldn't bleed anymore and should close up after a few applications of healing potion." He immediately applied potion that took the edge off the burning sensation."Are you alright, Harry?" He asked as he placed a hand on Harry's face, using his thumb to wipe away a lone tear.
Harry nodded. "Just really tired."
Severus placed a hand on Harry's forehead to check for fever. He left his hand there when Harry leaned back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He ran a hand over Harry's head, wishing that they had not been fighting. He could tell that Harry needed to talk. Harry's eyes opened and Severus could see a certain sadness to them.
"Do I have to leave?" Harry asked in a sleepy voice.
"You may stay," Severus said, feeling bad for having forced the boy out since he clearly needed support.
"Can I skip classes? I just want to shower and go to sleep," Harry said.
"Yes, it is for the best." Severus helped Harry to stand. He kept a hand on Harry's back to steady him.
Harry felt as if all of his dad's anger had been burned away with that fire spell. Now the man just looked exhausted and worn down. He felt bad, knowing he was the reason for that.
He gave Hermione's hand a squeeze before leaving the room. She looked back at him with a sadness that made his chest ache.
Once they were in Harry's bedroom, Severus applied a water repel spell to the dampers and the bandages before stepping back and looking at his son. The boy looked to be ready to drop and he couldn't help but to see the defeated look he now wore.
"Harry," Severus began to say before Harry cut him off.
"Dad, don't lecture me okay? I'm just so bloody tired and my head hurts and my shoulder feels like someone just stuck a red hot poker in it," he gave a tired chuckle before saying, "Oh yeah, that really did happen."
"I wasn't going to lecture you, Harry," Severus said in an equally tired tone. "I was just going to ask if you needed anything more." He handed Harry a pain potion. "You just need to ask for help, Harry. It is really just that simple."
Harry swallowed down the potion. He sighed when he felt the immediate relief.
"I know," Harry said. "It's just hard to ask for help when I know your mad at me."
"With that reasoning, I understand now why you never ask for my help," Severus dryly stated.
Harry chuckled.
"I would never be mad enough to ignore your requests." Severus stepped back towards the door. "Clean up and get some rest. We will talk when you are feeling better."
Harry nodded, feeling like he should say something more however, he simply watched his dad exit the room. He didn't want to make his dad angry again but he knew he would have to talk with him about an alternative plan should the spell not work. On that point he wouldn't relent.
A few hours later Harry awoke to a perfectly quiet house. He went out to the front room to find his dad. He found him at his desk, writing a long letter with such concentration that he didn't even hear Harry enter the room.
Harry sat down on the sofa in front of him, causing the man to look up in surprise.
There was along pause before Harry said, "My request is valid and I think deep down inside you, you know that it is too."
"That request will never be fulfilled so get it out of your head. It disappointments me to no end that you would even consider ending your life." Severus stood up and then walked around the desk to sit next to Harry on the sofa. He placed a hand on the boy's forehead to gauge for fever.
"It's not like that," Harry insisted, in a desperate tone. "I'm not offing myself, I'm offing Voldemort. Isn't that what I've always done?"
Severus froze, his hand still on Harry's forehead. The boy was right. he'd been raised to do just that. There was a miserable desperate feeling that suddenly came over Severus. He was the worst kind of father if his son still believed his life wasn't worth more than just one chance of ridding him of the dark magic. His son wanted to give up after one try thinking that it would be better for everyone else?
He put an arm around Harry's shoulder and pulled him to his side.
"No, son, you are worth so much more effort than one try. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you don't have to live like this if this spell doesn't work. Don't you understand that you are worthy of living just like everyone else?" Severus implored.
"But I'm just so tired of everything," Harry quietly said in such a heart-wrenchingly sad tone that Severus felt his own throat close with emotion.
"But you are not alone," Severus beseeched, wanting so desperately for his son to understand that they were in this together. "I will help you."
"I don't think I'm strong enough."
Severus pulled him in tight, embracing him with both arms now.
Harry turned his face into his father's shirt as tears blurred his vision.
Harry had laid awake now for hours. The only sound in the dungeon bedroom was the logs popping in the fireplace. He couldn't stop thinking of Severus and all that he had said tonight. There was a chance that this spell would work, his dad had insisted that it would work. Harry still had no idea what the spell entailed as his dad wouldn't tell him anything but he did know that it had worked for another wizard over two hundred years ago. That was something at least.
The idea that Severus would dedicate his entire life to making sure that Harry no longer had to live with Voldemort's dark magic was the only thing pulling Harry along in this awful journey. He couldn't leave his dad and it had been selfish of him to even make that request. The man would be broken and Severus had made it very clear that he felt like a failure as a dad because Harry had requested that he be killed if the dark magic remained. Harry had never thought of his request as being something that Severus would internalize as lacking in the fatherhood department.
But now that he thought about it, he guessed that it was the same as saying that Severus didn't have the ability to find the cure and that not only offended his dad but Harry knew that it hurt him deeply.
The thought of hurting his dad like that made Harry angry with himself. Severus had been an amazing father to him. There was possibly no other person in this entire world who could have gotten him this far. He felt bad for ever doubting that the man could see this through to the end.
Thankfully, today was Saturday and that left was just one more day until the rest of the students would go home. Even though Harry desperately wanted to get away from here, he thought the next best thing would be to have the castle all to himself. It would be kind of nice to not run into anyone. He thought about Ginny and how they'd broken it off. Merlin, that hadn't been good but the truth was, he just didn't have the energy to deal with her right now. It was all for the best anyway, she just wanted so much from him.
He rolled over towards his nightstand and picked up his watch. It was almost time to get up and he didn't want to do anything other than stay in bed all day. Today was supposed to be a great day filled with the Quiddich game followed by the Spring Leaving Feast and then he was supposed to be going home tomorrow. Now, they'd be stuck here for who knew how long?
Harry rolled to his side and tried his best to gather the blankets to cover himself. He didn't want to get up or to see anyone. He didn't want to tell his dad just how depressed he felt. If he thought about his life for too long, he just wanted to cry. There was just this overwhelming sadness that seemed to snuff out all the happiness. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep when he heard a knock on his door.
Thank you all for posting reviews! I swear I just lit up when I saw them!
Next chapter - Narcissa is back and maybe Charlotte too!