The Problem with Perfection

by DracoMalfoy456

Perfection is not an option. It is a requirement. At least… that's what Kiyotaka Ishimaru has always been taught, from the time he was old enough to be taught anything. (Ishimondo)

20. The Common Vernacular

CW: More underage sexual content, similar to the last chapter. A summary is again provided, link in chapter notes.

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Hi guys!

So! The reception last week was largely positive, which relieves me, since that kind of paves the way for the rest of this story, really. I really would like to thank everyone who sent me kind messages or comments, they were very greatly appreciated! As I've mentioned, I am ace and things relating to sex kind of confuse me. Not entirely, but enough that I'm never sure if what I write is logical or realistic or not.

I'm glad that it wasn't that bad, at least, ha. Anyway… this chapter also contains sexual acts, which I've similarly marked off. There are about 3 main sections, so be on the look out for the asterisks if you want to skip them all. Single asterisks (*) mark the beginning of the sexual acts, while double asterisks (**) mark the end of sexual acts. A triple asterisk (***) marks the end of the sexual acts entirely. I have a summary of the entire section, starting from the beginning of the chapter to the triple asterisk, which you can find on my blog.

Anyway! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! :-D

Enjoy!

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Taka sits beside Mondo in front of the television, like they always do, pressed so tightly together there's no space left between. He can feel Mondo's arm around his waist as he curls into the biker's side, his legs curled up under him, casual in a way he'd never have dreamed of being not even two months ago. Now, it comes so naturally to him that he barely even thinks about it, anymore. He just does it.

However... despite their easy and causal position, the heavy tension in the air belies such things. Taka can feel the way his body is tense, held impossibly stiff, and he can feel an answering tension in Mondo, the biker's eyes on the screen, but his attention clearly focused entirely on Taka. Taka doesn't even try and pretend he doesn't notice, and that he's not doing the exact same thing. After all... they both know what's about to happen, even if they don't ever talk about it.

And, right on cue...

Taka feels as a warm hand trails down his side from where it had previously been laying casually on his waist. His breath hitches as he feels it move, mind laser focused on the appendage as it trails his body, the movie completely forgotten as his world narrows to the feeling of Mondo's hand on him, moving along his body leisurely.

And when it stops— curling seemingly casually on his outer thigh, thumb teasing at his more sensitive inner flesh, rubbing wider and wider circles as he goes— his breath leaves him entirely. And then... when he feels Mondo shift subtly to face him, eyes still on his movie but lips pressing firmly to his ear... he can feel the anticipation inside him mount, his mouth dropping open with a shuddering gasp at the sound of Mondo's hitched breathing.

And when he hears the words Mondo says...

"Hey. Kiyo. Wanna... want some help relievin' some tension?"

He doesn't even hesitate a second before he's nodding frantically, body shifting as Mondo lets out a soft chuckle, his hands grasping Taka's hips firmly yet gently as the pair shifts. Taka gets shifted carefully until he is nestled in the V of Mondo's hips, face still turned towards the movie in the very obvious pretense of still watching it. He does this even as he feels Mondo's hands trail over his body slowly again, sensually, before stopping at his waist, though he can't stop how his body shudders at the delightful feelings Mondo's hands elicit in him. They stop only briefly at the waistband of his trousers, before one of them undoes his fly with deft fingers and slips fluidly inside, cupping him firmly from outside his briefs. Taka can't help the moan he releases, hips bucking subtly as Mondo breathes shakily in his ear.

"Ya want this, kyoudai?" he hears Mondo question, voice no louder than a whisper, lips right on his ear again. Something explodes on screen, but it doesn't matter at all. Taka doesn't even hesitate a second to reply.

"/Yes/," he breathes, "please, Mondo..."

Because he'd been wrong, alright? He'd been so, /so/ wrong. Mondo didn't mind doing /that/ again. He didn't mind it at all. And Taka has never been so happy (and terrified) to be wrong before...

He still remembers the second time /it/ had happened.

It had been a couple days after the first time, the tension in his body steadily growing again. He'd tried to stop it, tried to push it away, but as the hours passed, the tension had returned. It wasn't quite as bad as /before/, but it was still pretty bad, especially considering his continued fear that things between him and Mondo were broken beyond repair. It had gotten so bad that he'd even tried to, uh... /take care of/ the problem himself, taking himself in hand during a shower one night, only to face the same problem that had gotten them into this mess, shame and discomfort rising within him at even a single touch. He truly does not know why such a thing occurs— too afraid and mortified to look it up in a book or online— but it would cut into his arousal so much that he just... couldn't finish no matter what. And he had refused to let himself consciously think of Mondo in such a way, even if such a thing would decidedly help. His continued dreams were bad enough, thank you very much... obtaining sexual and physical gratification from someone who is unaware of your thoughts is immoral, in his mind. And he refused to do it, no matter what.

Sadly, such a thing meant that the tension inside him had started to return and he had no way, at all, of fixing it. Mondo had noticed, he knew the teen did, despite his best efforts otherwise. Mondo would just stare at him, though, eyes intent, looking away only when Taka would look back and tilt his head in question. Nothing ever happened, though. Just heated glances and stifling silence.

But then... Tuesday night, lying in bed, Taka facing away from Mondo like he'd been doing since /that night/...

He'd been almost asleep. He'd been tired that day— more tired than usual, which he figured was related to the emotional toll of everything that had been going on between him and Mondo— which had made his eyes droop all day long. And at that moment, when he'd been in bed, he'd allowed himself to ignore his problems and find comfort in Mondo's arms, despite the tension and awkwardness he still felt.

He'd just been on the cusp of sleep when he'd felt Mondo's hand start to move.

It was slowly at first, so slow he'd almost not noticed it. But once the hand moved from his mid abdomen— where Mondo usually let it rest when they were /spooning/, as Mondo called it— to decidedly /lower/, hovering just barely over his cloth covered crotch... he couldn't stop how his body had tensed, his breathing heavy, his eyes shooting wide open at the intense sensation. He'd wondered, briefly, if Mondo were asleep and this wasn't intentional, when-

"Hey. Taka. Ya... ya've been pretty tense the last couple a' days. Ya want... f-fuck. Ya want me t-ta... ta help ya with that?"

That was it. Nothing more. No frantic denials, or uncomfortable laughter, or any of it, really. Just a warm hand hovering gently over his /manhood/ and soft, slightly shaky words.

His mind had shorted out and part of him had wondered if he'd been dreaming, even though his dreams had never felt so real before and were almost never about something completely new like this. But he'd hardly been able to think, let alone think /rationally/, not with how quickly he was hardening at the mere idea of what Mondo was implying. And as such, he'd barely hesitated a moment before replying, not even thinking of any possible consequences or problems that might arise.

"Y-yes... I- I... I would."

*And that had been that. The hand hovering over his crotch moved down and was then pressing so /firmly/ to his /manhood/ that he'd gasped, before letting out a soft moan. Mondo had hummed softly, his nose nuzzling the back of his neck tenderly.

"Tell me if ya wanna stop. Tell me an' I will, no questions asked. I promise, Kiyo. Promise."

He'd nodded, body taut against Mondo, anticipation mounting. And then... then...

Mondo breached his underwear.

And then...

A-ah. Then, the /fun/ began.

He'd already been half hard before Mondo had started to touch him, and as such it didn't take long for the steady pumping to make him fully and painfully erect. He'd moaned softly at the feeling, pressing back firmly against the rising hardness at his back. He hadn't wanted to be too loud, hadn't wanted to run the risk of spooking Mondo (if it wasn't a dream, that was, because part of him had still been convinced it was all some delicious, very vivid dream).

But then...

"Don't... don't force it down. Let me hear ya. I- I wanna hear ya..."

As soon as the words were whispered in his ear, he'd let out another moan, this one louder. It hadn't even been intentional, the sound escaping his lips unbidden. But the answering moan that Mondo gave, the biker nosing at his neck softly... it made him want to moan again.

So, he did.

"S-shit... shit..." Mondo had muttered, his hand speeding up as he pressed tighter to Taka, the dual sensation almost agony. He could feel his release building, could feel his body tensing as the end loomed close, knew it would happen soon, but it had still been hard (aha) for him to let go. To let himself lose control, even for a split second.

But then... then he'd felt lips on his neck. And then he'd felt teeth, biting and sucking and nipping and he... he'd been so close, so /close/, and then—

"C'mon, Taka, that's it, c'mon man. I got ya, I fuckin' got ya, don't worry. Mm, yer doin' so fuckin' good, god, I know ya wanna. Let go fer me, baby, let go, I wanna see ya let go. I wanna hear ya scream as ya fuckin' cum all over yer briefs, ya hear me? I want ya ta cum, hard and messy, all over my hand. Fuckin' /coat/ me, Kiyo, fuck..."

And that... /that/ had done it, had made his control slip and made him /scream/, so loud he was once again grateful the rooms were soundproof, pressing back firmly against Mondo's hardness. Mondo had kept pumping him through his climax, and then kept doing it, gently and almost reverently, even after his body had stopped shaking and his /cock/ had stopped twitching, growing soft once more. The feeling of the hand, working him even after he'd cum so hard... it had been electrifying and he knows that if refractory periods weren't a thing, he'd most definitely have grown hard again at the touch.

As it was, Mondo removed his hand a few moments later, not nearly enough time for even his youthful refractory period to recover, the appendage hovering in the air for a minute. He'd heard Mondo's breath hitch slightly, his own eyes darting down to look, only to be blocked by the sight of blankets. Mondo's breathing got heavy, though, and t-then... a-and then, for whatever reason, he... Mondo, h-he...

/He had lifted the hand slowly to Taka's mouth/.

And Taka... he...

/He'd tentatively licked at the substance he knew resided there/.

And quite frankly? It was disgusting. The taste left a lot to be desired and the thought that /this came from inside me/ was apparently a massive 'turn off' for him. He hadn't even known why he'd done it, to be honest, as the idea had been utterly absurd to him even while he'd been doing it.

But then... then, he'd heard the way Mondo had moaned, low and breathy, rumbling through his body, and he... well. He's only human. And as such, he'd willingly taken the fingers into his mouth, licking gently at the (disgusting) mess he'd found there, laving the digits copiously. Mondo had pressed against his back so firmly at the action, practically whining, lips pressed to Taka's neck still. Despite his orgasm and curbed arousal, he'd still desperately wanted to hear Mondo cum, to know he'd helped the other teen out as much as the teen had helped him.

But...

But, before Mondo had been able to, er... /finish/, he'd pulled his fingers gently out of Taka's mouth and had removed his lips from Taka's neck, his hardness still pressed against his back but not moving. He'd been very confused at the action, wondering why the biker had pulled away as some measure of hurt began to rise inside him again, despite himself. Before he could let it settle, though, Mondo had placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around his waist again.

**"G'night, Taka. Get some sleep, alright? Ya need yer rest."

After that, no other words were uttered. Silence descended around them and Taka... Taka had no idea what any of it meant. Why Mondo had done that. Why he'd stopped, despite the aching hardness he'd still been able to feel against his back. Why... any of it, really.

But he'd been exhausted still, more so now than before, and his eyes had begun to droop once again. Deciding to just... /not/ think about it, Taka closed his eyes, settled against Mondo again (ignored the mess in his briefs), and had let himself drift off to sleep. At no point had he heard Mondo's soft snoring, though. And if the tired expression and bags under his eyes the next morning were any indication, he doesn't think that Mondo had slept at all that night. He hadn't acted strange, though. He'd just smiled at Taka, eyes darting to his neck briefly, eyes flaring with /something/, before asking if he'd slept well. Taka— still confused but learning to live with it— had nodded and smiled back, saying that he had. Mondo had nodded in return and then had left to get dressed, an activity Taka had absently watched, though he'd known he likely shouldn't have...

It had been confusing. And strange. And weird. And at no point did they ever /talk/ about it, like they rarely did about the developments in their ever-growing friendship. They'd just kept going with their daily lives, going to school and meeting up with their friends, and they'd never brought up what they'd done, for a second time now.

Well... sort of. Of course, Mondo had asked him again— that night— if he was okay and if he wanted to talk, but Taka... well. He still didn't want to ruin things. And if /this/ was now going to be another unspoken addition to their already very close and bizarre friendship (and he's not entirely sure, but he thinks the whole thing is called /friends with benefits/, in the common vernacular) then, well... he'd sure as heck not wanted to potentially ruin /that/. Having Mondo in even a small way had been more than enough for him, and having him in such a profound way... even if it still hadn't quite been what he wanted, it was far more than he'd ever expected, and he was willing to put up with a lot of it meant they could continue...

He honestly hadn't even been sure if they would do such a thing again, really, since two times does not a pattern make, but then, a day later...

It happened again.

And then... again.

In the past ten days since that first day, if you included the first time, they have, er... /done this/ a total of four times. Each time was slightly different, with Mondo approaching him at different times, but they always followed the same pattern. Mondo would ask him if he wanted to, he'd wait for Taka to enthusiastically say /yes/, he'd shift them into a position where Mondo was behind him, he'd tell Taka to let him know if he wanted him to stop, and then the biker would slip his hand into his briefs and begin touching him.

*That, too, followed a pattern. Mondo would gently but firmly pump him, up and down, moaning softly in Taka's ear. After a minute or so, he'd start kissing Taka's neck, gently at first but then getting rougher and messier the more time that went on. Then, once Mondo could feel Taka was getting close, he'd start talking. Low and rumbling and incredible. He'd say such dirty, filthy things, moaning softly against Taka's neck, pressing his hardness to his back firmly. And then, after a minute or so of this, Taka would cum with a shout, Mondo working him through it until he was fully soft, his body relaxed and languid against Mondo.

Mondo would then remove his hand and bring it up to Taka's mouth, where Taka would suck the digits in, moaning softly. He's even begun to get used to the taste, though he's still not a particular fan. He'd hear Mondo whine softly behind him, hard and aching against his back, Taka using his tongue and his /teeth/ (gently) to try and simulate what he was quickly coming to realize he truly wanted to try. And then...

Then Mondo would pull away, pressing one last gentle kiss to Taka's shoulder, his hand gone. Sometimes (one time) Mondo would move away after, if they were in the middle of something else, but mostly he stayed, fingers trailing up and down Taka's side absently. They've not been doing this often enough for him to fully make a pattern out of it, but it's been often enough to see the starts of one.

And today is no different...

At his enthusiastic acceptance, he hears Mondo chuckle, his lips spread into a wide smile as they press into the side of his neck. He's had to use makeup and his red scarf every day for the past week to cover the bruises, but he secretly loves looking at them at night, right before and after his shower. He moans softly at the sensation, the moan growing louder as he feels Mondo's hand cup him more firmly.

"Mm. Yeah, just like that, Kiyo. Fuckin' fantastic..."

He bucks subtly against the hand, needing it to move, and Mondo chuckles again, nuzzling again as he finally moves his hand and slips it under his briefs. /Finally/...

"So impatient. Fuckin' created a monster, shit," the biker mutters against his neck, the vibrations sending rivets of pleasure all throughout his body. He is just about to give a response (utterly witty, he swears!), but then Mondo is grasping him tight, and, well... his mouth is a little too busy moaning, his hips bucking up unconsciously into the tight fist. He can feel Mondo's other hand grab his hip and hold him down, his head shaking gently against his neck.

"Yer so fuckin' loud, fuck, I love it, Kiyo... ya gotta stay still, though. Don't wanna hurt ya. If ya wanna stop, just let me know. Okay?"

Taka moans again, nodding quick. His back arches when he hears Mondo chuckle yet again, the sound accompanying a tighter squeeze to his /cock/. Mondo is pumping him leisurely today, not too fast, almost like he's teasing. Taka lets out a soft whine, which breaks into a gasp when he feels teeth against his neck. He arches back, feeling so utterly indecent but not even caring. The movie plays on in the background but neither teen pays it any mind, too focused on their present actions.

Mondo continues his pumping, lazy and slow, but after a minute he just... stops. Taka whines softly and turns to face Mondo slightly, though he can only see only a small portion of the biker's face. Mondo looks... concentrated, he thinks. Like he's thinking hard on something. This... well. This concerns Taka, for several reasons.

"M-Mondo... are you... are you alright?" Taka pants, his body still sensitive from the previous ministrations. His words seem to jolt Mondo from his contemplation, as the biker smiles shakily down at him, nodding slowly.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm good. I was just... ah. Thinkin'. I, uh... was wonderin' if ya wanted ta try somethin'. Y'ain't gotta, okay? Can just keep doin' this, shit, ain't no big deal. Just... somethin' I been thinkin' 'bout. Somethin' I think ya might like..."

His words are hesitant and faltering, his thumb twitching from where it rests along his cock. It makes it hard for Taka to think, let alone come up with a reply, but he has a vague understanding of what Mondo is saying. And if the biker wants to show him something new... well. He trusts Mondo. And if he says he'll like it, he has a feeling he will. After all, Mondo hasn't exactly been wrong yet (though it doesn't always work out how the biker thinks it will...)

**Smiling shakily, he nods, looking at Mondo in the eyes. He really does love those eyes...

"Y-yes, M-Mondo. Whatever you want. I trust you."

Mondo smiles down at him, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck. Taka won't say it aloud, but those are his favorite kind of kisses that Mondo gives. The quick and gentle ones, not meant to be sexual or pleasurable, but just to show affection or gratitude. Though, part (all) of him does wish that Mondo would direct his kisses just a little bit higher...

"Shit... yeah, okay. I, uh... I'm gonna need lube fer this one. I'll be right back, okay? Ya might wanna take off yer trousers. Might make things easier."

Taka blinks at the statement but nods quickly all the same. He feels Mondo's hand exit his trousers with a hint of disappointment and watches as the biker stands and heads over to his desk drawer, where Taka knows he stores his, er... /personal supplies/. That had made for an embarrassing moment back when they'd first started hanging out and Taka had found his, uh, /stash/ by accident while cleaning. Now, though... now, the thought of it makes him strangely /excited/.

Taka manages to rip his eyes away from the biker after a few moments and does as he'd asked, removing his uniform trousers, and folding them carefully. He then removes his jacket and dress shirt, too, to be on the safe side, leaving him only in his thin undershirt and briefs. They have other things planned for the day after this, after all, and he doesn't want to have to waste two uniforms in one day. How wasteful! He decides to leave his briefs on, since he has come to realize that the biker finds it easier to accept what they're doing when he can't, er... /see/ what is occurring. Which Taka theorizes is one of the reasons he is always behind Taka when they do things like this. Before sitting back down, Taka takes a towel and drapes it over the couch, because... well. He thinks that's a bit obvious.

Mondo thankfully doesn't take long to return and pretty soon he's settling behind him again, bottle of lube in his hands. Taka bites his lip at the thoughts running through his head right now, none of them fit for decent company, he will say that...

"Heh... there we go. 'Kay, Taka... if, uh... if ya wanna stop, fer any reason, tell me, okay? Know I said that already, but I mean it. Don't wanna hurt ya. I want... I wanna make ya feel good. Not bad. Okay?"

Taka nods, shifting so he can look at the biker behind him. He smiles gently when he sees the concern written on the face he knows so very well.

"I promise I will. Now... please hurry up! We have plans at 4:00, remember?"

Mondo lets out a startled laugh at that, a large grin rising on his face. He nods quick, popping open the cap of the lube and spreading some over his fingers. Taka is so enthralled at the sight that he almost misses Mondo's reply.

"Goddamn, so fuckin' impatient... I should fuckin' teach ya a lesson in waitin' one day, Kiyo. We got time. Sometimes it's good ta take things slow. Feels better in the end. Now, c'mon. Spread yer legs a little fer me, need some space..."

*Feeling a touch confused but not questioning it, Taka does what is asked of him, gasping when he feels Mondo's hand— now slightly cool from the chill of the lube— slip under his briefs again. However, instead of wrapping around his shaft, like Taka is used to (and yes, the fact that he's /used/ to any of this still trips him up sometimes, thanks for asking), it keeps moving lower and lower, until-

"Oh!"

He starts as Mondo's index finger brushes gently against his, er... /opening/, a sensation that makes him flare bright red.

It... it doesn't feel /bad/, per se, just... well... weird! He's never, /ever/ done anything like this. Obviously, he's not done much at all, sexually speaking, but... this least of all. But it's not like he hasn't thought of it. He has, actually. A lot. He doesn't know much about the mechanics of, er... /gay sexual acts/, but he knows the basics. And how it generally works. And, as such, he knows that, um... that /tab A/ goes into /slot B/, as it were. He doesn't know how on earth it's meant to be pleasurable to the person receiving, but he assumes it must be. Otherwise... well, why do it? But he knows how it all works, for the most part at least.

That all being said, there's a big difference between absently thinking about such things while in the shower, and feeling as a warm digit presses lightly against his tight hole, barely there but still very intriguing...

"Woah, heh. Easy man. I got ya. Like I said, we ain't gotta try this. But, uh... fer what it's worth, I think yer gonna like it. I uh... heh. I know I do. Feels fuckin' amazin', bro. An' I wanna make ya feel good, Kiyo, fuck... I wanna make ya feel so fuckin' good. Ya deserve ta feel good."

The sweet words are starting to overwhelm him, pressure building behind his eyes at their meaning. It's the times like this that he loves slash hates the most. The times when Mondo is soft and sweet and caring. He loves it because it makes his heart melt, the feelings of /affection/, and /adoration/, and /love, love, love/ cusping on overwhelming. He hates it for mainly the same reasons, since he knows that— while Mondo may mean the words— they don't exactly mean what he wants them to. And it's just bittersweet to hear them, is all.

However, he knows he has to respond, Mondo's fingers still hovering above his opening, and so he nods, humming as he tries to push back the rush of emotion he is feeling.

It only partially works.

"Y-yes, Mondo... I trust you. Please..."

He trails off, not entirely sure what he wishes to say, but luckily Mondo doesn't try to force the issue. He just presses a light kiss to Taka's shoulder again and nods slowly.

"Shit, okay, man. So, uh... ya gotta relax yer body. S'gonna hurt if yer tense an' shit. That's it, Kiyo. I got ya..."

Doing as Mondo says, he relaxes the best he can, his legs spread out on the couch before him as he leans fully against Mondo. He can feel the hand not down his underwear rubbing soothing circles on his hip, making him want to shudder. He doesn't, and just waits for whatever Mondo is about to do next...

"'Kay, s'good, man. N-now, I'm gonna... fuck. I'm gonna press in, okay? This shit may hurt at first, but it should pass with time. If it hurts too much, let me know immediately. Shit shouldn't hurt that much. Mostly just discomfort if anythin'. Got it?"

Nodding, he feels Mondo press a kiss to his neck, his fingers still gently circling his /opening/. Taka's arousal has been waning since Mondo started this, so he's only half hard, brain working a bit too hard while thinking about the logistics of this all. He can feel discomfort fill him at the thought of everything that is going on, the usual shame creeping in at the edges of his consciousness. Hm... he hopes whatever Mondo is planning to do happens soon, because this is starting to make him nervous, and he doesn't want that, he-

His thoughts are interrupted when he feels Mondo /finally/ breech his tight opening. And Taka-

"Ah!" he exclaims, eyes wide as his back arches, biting his lip firmly at the utterly /foreign/ sensation. It doesn't hurt, not really... it's just very, very weird. Like... pressure. It's only one finger, but even that is almost overwhelming. He still doesn't see what is pleasurable about such a thing, though... he can feel Mondo's finger as it delves deeper inside of him, the strange sensation growing, but no pleasure coming from such an act. Don't get him wrong, he doesn't hate it! But... but he also doesn't really see why Mondo had insisted that such a thing would be good for him, why he'd changed up their routine to do this when it's not really-

Taka can't even finish his thought when a spike of absolute /pleasure/ rushes through him, making him gasp as his back arches off the couch and Mondo's chest entirely. Mondo laughs softly behind him, the sound rich and beautiful, lips attaching to his neck as he does so.

"Fuck, there we go. Feel good, Kiyo? Fuck man... just... /fuck/..."

Taka barely even knows what Mondo is saying, doesn't think /Mondo/ knows what Mondo is saying, but he truly doesn't care. Not if he can't feel that absolutely /delightful/ sensation again...

"Mondo," he utters, a hint of warning in his words. What he's warning against, he has no idea, but it makes Mondo laugh again, the biker nuzzling against him.

"Shit, man. Be fuckin' patient, Jesus. Yer so needy, god... fuckin' love it... but don't worry, baby. I got ya, yeah? I know what ya'll like. I know ya trust me. So just... believe me. I want you... I- I want ya ta feel this shit. I want ya ta /experience/ it. Shit, man..."

Taka grumbles, good natured, but he doesn't protest. He goes quiet, biting his lip so hard it's starting to ache, waiting for Mondo to move.

It takes the biker another moment, but then he's moving again, purposefully. It feels strange again, not pleasurable, until-

"Ohhh," he moans, arching again, pressing his face back, back, back, until its buried in Mondo's neck, eyes closed and breath ragged. Mondo moves his head so Taka can comfortably rest there without any strain. He can hear Mondo's breath hitching too, can feel as he swallows thickly. Emboldened by his pleasure, Taka gently moves his lips and presses a kiss against Mondo's pulse, feather light and barely there. You wouldn't have known that by way Mondo moans, almost whines, angling his head a little more to give him more room. Well, if he insists...

When Taka opens his mouth and gently bites down on the smooth expanse of Mondo's neck, he starts to understand why the biker likes doing this so much. There's something strangely /erotic/ about carefully biting your lover, not hard enough to truly hurt, but hard enough for them to /feel/. And the way that Mondo's whole body jerks, the hand within him pushing deeper unintentionally... ohhh, that decidedly feels good to him, too...

"Holy shit... holy fuckin' shit, Taka, goddamn," Mondo curses, breath ragged and shaking. Taka doesn't reply. He just bites again, sucking lightly, like Mondo often does to him. Mondo lets out yet another moan and Taka quickly finds that those breathy moans are probably his favorite sound in the world. "Fuck ya feel so good, yer so fuckin' good... fuckin' perfect, Kiyo, god fuckin' damn. The fuck did I do in life ta deserve someone as fuckin' incredible as you, s-shit... mmm..."

Mondo begins to move his hand again, a bit quicker, and then he feels as a second finger joins the first, the stretch a bit painful initially, but he quickly adjusts. He's coming to find that it's not enough, though, not nearly enough... he wants more, more, /more/, all of Mondo, everything the biker has to offer, every single last part of him. He wants all of it, all of him, and as far gone as he is, he doesn't even tell himself that such a thing is impossible. He just lets himself want, lips and teeth and tongue against a hard, sinewy column, fingers up his /ass/, feeling so overstimulated and yet not caring one /goddamn/ bit. He lets himself feel it all and god, is it /glorious/.

"Fuck, baby, so fuckin' good, goddamn it, yer so good... I love it, fuckin'... want all a' ya, fuck, Kiyo... you've got no idea how much I want you..."

The words are spoken softly, juxtaposing the almost frantic way the biker begins to push and pull his fingers, in and out, a third one slipping in almost unnoticed, if not for the now /wonderful/ burn. It's causing Taka's brain to short out entirely each time the fingers brush again that /spot/, so incredible he doesn't even know what to do, other than kiss and bite and moan. The words breech his mind slowly, and he finds himself gasping, his mouth moving without any conscious thought whatsoever.

"I'm yours, I'm yours, Mondo, I- I... I'm yours. I belong to you, I want no one else, I- I want... M-Mondo, I w-want..."

Mondo freezes against him at the words, his fingers halting their movement, causing Taka to whine softly. He bites the neck before him to spurn the biker on, knowing he'd just get teased if he tries to say anything. Luckily, it works, and he can feel Mondo moving again, slower this time, more purposeful, but still absolutely wonderful. His mind is so overwhelmed that he can barely comprehend what Mondo starts to say to him, soft and low and almost /desperate/. But the meaning cuts through slowly, and his heart begins to ache as the biker speaks his piece.

"... no, ya don't. Don't belong ta me, shit, Kiyo... ya deserve so much more, so much more than a piece a' shit like me. Y-you... you deserve so much more. I'd just fuck everythin' up, I always do. I'm tryin' so hard ta not fuck this up too, I wanna make ya feel good, but I can't... shit, man. An' I'm not gay, I'm fuckin' /not/, so I can't... I can't be what ya'd need me ta be. An' I just... I'm sorry. I really... shit. I'm just... sorry."

The words cut him deep, cutting through the pleasure, but then Mondo is going faster, harder, and he doesn't have time to focus on the pain radiating through his chest. It's all he can do to arch his back, his hands reaching back to touch Mondo, needing contact, needing to /feel/. His mouth is pressed tight to a beating pulse, his tongue laving it almost reverently. He pushes down the pain, down the hurt, and focuses solely on the pleasure.

Another finger slips in, spreading him wide, and he lets out a soft cry at the feeling, turning his head to look at what is going on, even though he knows his underwear covers up almost all of what is happening. But then- then there's a hand on his /cock/, pumping him up and down messily, his briefs getting pushed down so he can see, eyes wide as he watches the highly erotic sight of a rough hand on his cock while large fingers disappear up his ass. He knows Mondo is looking, can feel his head pressing against him, can hear the biker as he grunts and moans, and it's that thought— more than anything— that has him finally reaching release, a loud shout escaping his lips as he watches himself cum all over his undershirt.

The pair stays like that for serval long moments, panting and trembling, Mondo still touching him gently. Several seconds later, he feels Mondo remove his fingers from his /opening/, and he lets out a soft whine at the feeling. Mondo kisses his shoulder gently, his hand still touching his cock lightly, not really moving but just... holding. It's so much, too much, and Taka has no idea how to handle it all. He never has.

***Now that the pleasure has reached its zenith, his body coming down from the incredible high, he can feel the pain start to creep in once again, his heart aching as he feels Mondo's hardness against him. He tries to push it away, but he's just... too tired. So tired. After all, he knows the biker wants it, knows he desires it, but he still just... refuses to acknowledge it fully. Refuses to concede that maybe— just /maybe/— he might actually be... well. Maybe not /gay/, but at least bi. Or pan. Or... anything other than straight. And Taka has no idea what he can do to even broach the subject. If he should at all.

Maybe it's best to ignore it, keep going as they've been, pretending that he's not so desperately in love it hurts. Pretending that he doesn't know Mondo wants this too, that this is just a normal thing that all straight guys do for their 'bros'. Pretending that this doesn't affect them both. Maybe that would be the best course of action; maybe that would make the most sense. Maybe that would run the least chance of /ruining/ things.

However... however, in this moment, the thought is suddenly so ridiculous to him that he almost wants to cry, his chest tight and angry and aching. What use is it, pretending that they both don't want this, when he's fairly certain they both do? What is the use to keep on pretending that they're not /both/ affected by this, that Mondo is doing this solely as a favor and nothing else? Why go on pretending when /they both can have everything they want, if they would just stop being so goddamn afraid/? What is the point of any of this? Is this what all relationships are like? Are they in a relationship? A friendship? Something more, something in between? Something different entirely? He has no idea, none at all, and in this moment, he doesn't know what to do.

He keeps telling himself he'll handle it, he'll keep doing this without any complaint, but then something new happens and his decision is up in the air again. He used to have such conviction in his decisions, used to be confident and unwavering, even if he was afraid. But now- now he's never felt so unsure and uncertain before in his life. So indecisive. On one hand, he doesn't want things to change, doesn't want to 'rock the boat' as the saying goes, doesn't want to possibly ruin everything. But on the other hand, he wants /so much/, so very much, and he knows he doesn't deserve to have wants, doesn't deserve to get what he wants, but Mondo keeps telling him he does. That he deserves so much more than what he's been given, and it's making everything inside of him ache, and hurt, and he doesn't know what to do, and he just- he just /wants/, and he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it, he can't help it, he... he can't...

"We should get up, Kiyo. Got that thing Hina has planned soon. I, uh... n-need ta clean myself up, s-so... uh... y-yeah..." Mondo mutters behind him, removing his hand from his /manhood/ gently. Taka barely even notices, as tired and fatigued as he is. He wants to curl up in a ball and sleep for the next thousand years, but he knows he can't. He allows himself one more second, just one more, before he's sitting up, eyes dull as he carefully gets off the couch without getting any, er... /fluids/ on anything. He allows himself a half smile at how that still, somehow, matters to him, even now. How... how funny...

He lifts up his briefs and grimaces at the mess left on his shirt as he looks down at the cloth. Well, at least it seems to be mostly contained there... he removes the article without much care as to his own decency, realizing it doesn't exactly matter much when just minutes ago he'd been moaning and begging for Mondo's /hands in and on him/, so any semblance of decency is kind of shot for him. He can feel his cheeks flush at the thought, but he's too tired and upset to really let the embarrassment bother him. He just lets it wash over him, settling deep, deep, /deep/ into his bones. He can feel eyes on him, but he doesn't really care. They're gone after a moment anyway, so he supposes it doesn't really matter.

Another moment passes in tense silence, before Mondo starts to move, standing and heading over to the bathroom with an awkward gait. Taka cannot help but watch as he goes, his insides churning furiously, his hands shaking.

It's right as Mondo is grabbing the doorknob in his hand (/the one that had just been up your ass/, his mind whispers lewdly, making his insides clench), shoulders hunched as the biker opens the door harshly, that Taka realizes he can't take it any longer. He has to say /something/, even if it ruins things. Even if Mondo hates him for it. He doesn't know /what/, exactly, he wants to say, just that he /must/ say something, or else... well. Or else he's pretty certain he's going to explode. He's not sure if he means that metaphorically or not, to be honest.

"Mondo," he calls, watching as the biker stiffens further, his head tilted subtly in his direction, indicating he's listening without having to say a word. Taka pauses here, still having no idea what he should say, before thinking /to hell with it/, and saying what he wants to say, consequences be darned. "You... you do know there's nothing wrong with being gay... don't you?"

He continues to stare at Mondo's back, watching with perverse curiosity as it tightens somehow further, the biker's breath coming out in harsh pants. Part of him— the part that doesn't want things to change, that wants to keep pretending and dreaming and living a lie— wants to take the words back. To laugh them off, to not make Mondo angry with his stupid comment. But... but another part— this one almost equally as loud and aching— refuses to let him. He'd not said anything indicting, hadn't let any confessions slip. He'd just spoken the truth, a truth he is still struggling with himself, but one he /needs/ Mondo to hear. Even if it makes him angry. Even if it makes him hate him. He just... he has to say it. Just once. Just... just once.

He has to at least /try/.

The silence stretches but Taka does not back down. He just looks, and watches, and waits. He waits for the explosion; waits for the anger. Waits for the hatred. He's not even tense, just perversely curious, body too numb to feel anything else.

And finally, after a full minute passes, Mondo turns to face him, not meeting his eyes, and says-

"Yeah. Yeah... I know."

And then he's gone, disappearing into the bathroom with a silent 'click' of the door closing.

Taka stays where he is for several moments longer, not moving, just staring blankly ahead. And then... then he stumbles back and sits heavily on the couch, the only sounds the ones coming from the TV, which is /still playing/, despite no one even pretending to watch it anymore. He places his head in his hands and breathes deeply, head such a jumble he just... he doesn't know what to do.

Taka stays like that for several long minutes, trying to calm his racing heart and jumbled mind, breathing deep and even. He doesn't bother trying to untangle the thoughts, just thinks of nothing as he hears explosions and yelling from the TV, strangely comforting despite it all.

Eventually, his heart rate calms enough that he is able to shakily stand, his body cold in only his underwear. It's nearing the end of November, December right around the corner, winter looming closer and closer, and while the school does pay for heat, it's still unwise to be in any state of undress for extended periods of time these days. He doesn't think of anything as he heads to Mondo's dresser, where he's been keeping most of his undershirts for the past several days (with his uniforms in the closet due to lack of space), grabbing a new one with only slightly shaking hands. Since he'd taken off his uniform /before/, he won't have to grab a new one of those, which he is somewhat relieved about. It's less work for him, at least.

Once the undershirt is on, he heads back to the couch, resolutely not looking at the piece of furniture as he picks up his uniform where he'd left it, shrugging into it carefully. He wishes he could wash himself off first, but with Mondo in the bathroom, he doesn't have much choice. He could always head to his room, but it's not like he can head through the halls wearing only his briefs... at least there's nothing overly disgusting on him anymore, just the slightly slippery feeling between his legs, and he can probably clean that off later in the bathroom. Though, he'll want to wash his hands and face extensively before leaving, just to give the pretense of cleanliness, at the very least. Hina wants them all to meet in the kitchen later, which means he will have to be as cleanly as possible. Like his mother always said, you should not enter a kitchen unless you are completely clean, after all! Aha...

Once he is fully dressed, he hovers awkwardly in the center of the room, uncertain of what to do next. Mondo is taking quite a while in the bathroom, which Taka is firmly not thinking about, and they still have about thirty minutes until they are supposed to meet with Hina and the others. The movie is still playing, but he has absolutely no interest in it. In fact, to give himself something to do, he strides over to the remote and turns the screen off. It makes him feel partially glad— since the noise was getting a bit overbearing— and partially regretful— due to the fact that now that the movie is shut off, the sound of his tumultuous thoughts is all he can hear. That, and the sound of the shower running, which he supposes explains why Mondo is taking so long. As for why he's taking a shower in the middle of the day, well...

It's probably best to not think on it.

He still doesn't have anything to do, though. He supposes he could try and force himself to do his schoolwork, but even he knows that would likely only end in disaster, his mind too scattered to even /hope/ to concentrate on the work. Plus, he's already finished his work for the next three weeks, when the school quarter ends, so all he'd be able to do would be to go over his work, which he's already done twice so far. And as for studying... even he has his limits, alright? That's not to say he doesn't still enjoy it! He just... not right now. Not after... /that/.

For a lack of anything else to do, Taka starts cleaning the room, picking up the trash that always finds its way onto the floor. Mondo has, surprisingly, been trying harder to keep the place tidy, knowing Taka doesn't like messes, but no matter what, some clutter seems to find its way back. Taka thinks it comforts Mondo somewhat to have a bit of a mess, since he knows the biker is uncomfortable by how extravagant the rooms at Hope's Peak are and having some measure of clutter cuts into the starkness of the opulence. But Taka doesn't actually mind it too much. It gives him something to do when he has nothing else. Like now...

He kind of wishes he had the cleaning supplies that are kept in the bathroom but considering the lengthy shower the biker seems keen on taking, he's not exactly able to enter the room at the moment. He likes to do a deeper cleaning of both his and Mondo's rooms (though he rarely spends time in his own room anymore, it's good to keep his place spotless and dust free, too) every week or two, and while he'd done the last one a few days prior, it always helps to keep your personal space clean...! Plus, it would give him more to do, but that's entirely beside the point!

(And… as he cleans, he is able to push everything down, down, /down/, needing to not think of this right now. He… he doesn't have the /time/ to deal with everything right now. Mondo will be done with his shower any minute now and he will want to head to Hina's thing not long after that, and so he can't deal with- with everything right now. He will push it down, will get through the rest of the day, and he will break everything down later. Later, perhaps during his shower when he has the time to handle such thoughts and feelings. But not… not now. Just… just not now.)

Luckily for him, cleaning the clutter off the floor gives him just enough distraction for Mondo to finish in the bathroom (and enough time to push it all down like he wants, the pain from what Mondo said to him firmly nestled away deep in his heart), the door opening slowly and the biker shuffling almost awkwardly out. As loud as the biker had been, Taka doesn't even startle like he normally would, just turns to Mondo, stomach churning. He still isn't sure what the biker is thinking, if he's actually upset about his comment earlier or not, and he feels a little anxious at the uncertainty.

Looking at Mondo, though, his hair down and mildly damp, his face looking a little awkward but not angry... Taka forgets about everything as his heart swells with affection. He truly does love to see the biker like this; his hair down, face soft, and eyeliner gone. Don't get him wrong, he loves how Mondo looks usually, his usual appearance very striking and attractive! But something about seeing him like this... all loose and laid back and utterly /gorgeous/... mmm. It sure is something.

"Hey, Taka," Mondo mumbles awkwardly, shuffling his feet as his hands open and close, eyes looking anywhere but him. That makes him feel nervous again, Taka unconsciously drifting closer to Mondo, his hand reaching up and gently touching the biker's arm. It's funny how easy touching Mondo has become for him. He barely even thinks about it anymore, just... does it. How funny...

"Are you alright, my kyoudai? You look... distressed," he mutters in return, head tilted as he looks at the biker. Mondo flushes, eyes falling to the ground, a forced laugh escaping his lips.

"H-heh... uh, yeah. Don't worry 'bout me, Kiyo. Ya doin' good?"

Taka nods slowly, biting his lip gently in thought. He flushes when he sees Mondo look up and seem to focus solely on the sight, a strange and mysterious emotion in his eyes, mouth open to breathe shakily. It makes his stomach churn, not unpleasantly, and makes him a bit tongue tied for a moment. He eventually finds his voice and clears his throat awkwardly.

"A-ah... y-yes, kyoudai! I am doing excellent, thank you for asking! But... b-but I will always worry about you, kyoudai! I- I... you are my dearest friend, of course I will worry!"

Mondo has said that to him before, so he isn't worried about the reversal of the words. Still, his insides keep on churning at the wide-eyed look Mondo gives him, before something far softer and far /sadder/ fills the biker's face. He's smiling softly, but it's not a happy smile. It makes him ache to see...

"Thanks, Kiyo. Y'ain't gotta, but... I, uh... I 'ppreciate it. S-so. Ya ready fer whatever Hina's got planned?"

Taka is taken slightly aback at the change in conversation, but he smiles shakily and nods all the same, recognizing the subject shift for what it is. If Mondo doesn't want to talk about it, Taka certainly won't force the teen... maybe it's best to just… just /forget/…

"Ah! Yes, kyoudai! I am very eager to see what our friend has planned for us! It is most mysterious!"

Mondo gives him a strange look at his words, snorting softly as he shakes his head. A small smirk rises on his face and— even though he knows it's at his expense— he can't help but be gladdened to see it. He likes to see Mondo smile, or even smirk. It just... it's far more natural on the biker than the sad smile he'd previously had. Far more.

"Not much ofa fuckin' mystery. We're meetin' at the fuckin' kitchen, kyoudai. Kinda fuckin' obvious what shit she's gonna have us do."

Taka can feel his cheeks heat, and he scowls unbidden as he crosses his arms. Well! He'd known /that/, of course! He'd just meant...

"Of course, kyoudai! I simply meant that it is a strange request, that is all! Besides, just because we are going to the kitchen does not explain fully what we shall do! Perhaps she wishes us to eat something she created! You cannot know for certain what she has planned unless you asked her yourself! And I have! And she refused to 'ruin the surprise!'"

That is true, of course. He'd asked Hina— that morning, right after she'd asked the class to meet her in the kitchen at 4:00– what she had planned for them. She just smiled, bounced on her feet, said 'it's a surprise, silly!' before refusing to say anything else. He doesn't think he's remiss to say it is slightly mysterious!

Mondo doesn't seem to think so, the biker's snorting again as the smirk widens. He'd feel offense rise inside him if it weren't for the softness he sees in Mondo's eyes, the biker looking at him like he's /precious/ again. God, does he adore those looks... even if it kind of hurts, after Mondo's words earlier… but he's doing his best to forget those, so he pushes it aside and smiles. He always smiles.

"Yeah, but she told us ta wear casual clothes, Taka. Pretty fuckin' obvious she wants us ta cook somethin' with her. But ya know what, sure. Call it a mystery if ya'd like," Mondo snickers, looking far too amused for his own good. Taka, unable to resist, reaches out and shoves the biker gently, cheeks a light shade of pink as he scowls, not nearly as annoyed as he professes.

He doesn't get a chance to respond before Mondo is continuing, his eyes still soft as his lips settle into a gentle smile, the gruff biker looking far softer than such a supposedly fearsome biker gang leader should ever look. He's truly honored to see such a sight, he knows.

"Speakin' a' which... don't ya think ya should dress down a bit? Yer uniform'll get dirty if ya cook in it. Know ya hate that shit."

Taka considers the words, ignoring the butterflies that fill him at the knowledge that Mondo is concerned about him for such a seemingly insignificant reason. His father never would have cared if Taka were upset at his ruined uniform... his father had never understood why Taka wore his uniform so often in the first place. He isn't sure why he's thinking of his father (who still hasn't contacted him, even two weeks after their last conversation), so he pushes the thoughts out and shrugs slightly.

"I'm sure you are right, kyoudai, but if I am to be seen in public, I must wear my uniform at all times! It would be improper otherwise! I will simply have to be careful to not soil it, that is all! But I appreciate the concern, my dearest kyoudai! It is greatly appreciated!"

Mondo laughs at him, high and happy, and grins at the statement brightly, all hints of the discomfort or unease from earlier now thoroughly gone. The sound and the look make his heart swell even more, and he has to bite his lip to prevent him from doing something stupid.

(Like reaching up and kissing that grin off that wondrous face...)

He feels Mondo wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him closer as he shakes his head fondly. Mondo has been doing this a lot more frequently these days, he's come to notice. Wrapping his arm around his waist, pulling him close, walking with an arm pressed tightly to his hip... he knows their classmates have noticed, has seen the strange looks they've gotten, but no one has said anything about it, so the biker has not stopped. Taka tries not to feel giddy over this fact.

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't come complainin' ta me when yer all filthy later, hear me? Ain't gonna be my concern," Mondo grumbles, though he's still grinning, eyes sparkling with mirth. It... it's such a good look on him, truly... Taka huffs shakily, trying to maintain an indifferent air, but it's surprisingly challenging, to be honest.

"I will be perfectly fine, I assure you! Now, it is nearly time to start heading out! Will you be putting your hair back up?"

Such a thing would take him longer than they currently have, since Taka knows it takes Mondo roughly forty-five minutes to get his hair and eyes ready every morning (during which Taka tends to get ready in the main room, taking a fraction of the time Mondo does, since he's still not been gelling his hair back. When he's done, he finds himself hanging around the room, doing homework or cleaning while Mondo leaves the bathroom door open so they can talk). He knows the biker can do a modified pompadour if he has to, though, which isn't quite as extensive and doesn't take as long, but still is impressive. To him, at least.

To his surprise, however, Mondo shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. Pomp just gets in the way a' cookin' an' shit. Prolly just put it up in a pony or somethin', keep it outta my face. Anyone laughs an' I'll just punch 'em," he claims, smirking. Taka rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything in response. He knows the biker well enough by now to know he wouldn't do such a thing, no matter what he may profess. Thus far, he doesn't think he's ever seen the biker actually harm anyone physically, other than shoving and pushing. And he, uh... he does know that Mondo had made good on his promise to teach the ringleader from the other day— Akio— a lesson, since the older teen has been giving them a wide breadth for a couple weeks now, looking at them both with wide, terrified eyes, but... but he hadn't /seen/ it, and so he doesn't consider it as a strike against the biker.

Still, the thought of Mondo feeling comfortable enough around their classmates and friends to have his hair down, something he knows Mondo hates to do around others, the lack of his pompadour making him feel weak and less important... it makes his heart swell with pride for his friend. And happiness, that he can allow himself to be without his 'armor,' as it were. It's happened a few times already, but it always makes him feel warm inside to see.

He has to lower his eyes, feeling flustered at the rush of emotions, and his eyes land on Mondo's neck, quite unbidden. But what he sees there makes him do a double take, a grimace rising on his lips. Unfortunately, Mondo notices, going stiff with concern.

"What... what? Somethin' the matter, Kiyo?" Mondo questions, lifting a hand up to touch his neck, grimacing slightly at something. Probably the small twinge of pain at the touch... after all, Taka knows all too well what a /love bite/ feels like during the aftermath of their, er... brotherly bonding. Actually, no, not brotherly bonding, that's actually quite disturbing to think about, really... ugh. Whatever. He knows what he means.

He doesn't have to say anything, however, before Mondo starts to talk again, embarrassment lacing the words as a soft blush rises on the biker's face. It's highly endearing...

"Ah, shit. 'S fuckin' noticeable still, ain't it? Tried ta, uh... cover it. Shit's hard. Have ya... have ya been havin' similar problems? 'Cuz damn... sorry."

Taka can't help but laugh at the words, shaking his head fondly, affection and fondness shining weakly through the embarrassment that is starting to rise again. Ah... no, being sorry is not what he feels when he looks at the love bites afterward... even if it is a bit inconvenient to have to cover them, he doesn't regret them one single, solitary bit. They're a good reminder that this isn't all just a dream, after all...

"I-it's no problem, kyoudai! I've just been using, ah... y-your makeup and a scarf! I can, um... lend you a scarf, if you need one?"

Mondo gets a considering look on his face, before ultimately shaking his head, shrugging slightly.

"Nah, ain't exactly the type ta wear fuckin' scarves. Ya can pull off the scarf look; me? Not so much. Would just call more attention ta it, prolly. 'Specially in a kitchen," Mondo snorts, smirking lightly. "Nah, I'll just do my best ta not call attention ta it. Anyone fuckin' asks, I'll tell 'em ta mind their own fuckin' business. I can get some better powder fer this shit, though. Kind that'll actu'ly cover shit. Maybe some a' that liquid shit I hate. I can look inta it later. Should be fine fer now, I guess."

Taka nods slowly, biting his lip gently. He won't say it aloud, but there's something oddly... well, /erotic/ about having Mondo head out in public with a love bite that he gave him just barely visible on his skin... mmm...

Shaking himself out of his mental musing, he smiles shakily at Mondo as he pulls away from their half embrace, turning to face the bathroom.

"Very well, kyoudai! I should, uh... go and get ready to go! You know, wash up and all! I should be good to go in about ten minutes!"

He doesn't wait for Mondo to respond before entering the bathroom, letting out a soft sigh a relief once the door closes. He isn't entirely sure why, but something about seeing Mondo with a barely concealed love bite that /he gave him/ is doing some funny things to his insides, he'll tell you that...

He doesn't dwell on it long, since he knows they have to get going soon if they don't want to be late. He heads to the sink and washes his hands and face as well as he can, to wipe off the grime of it all. (He also heads to the toilet and cleans his, uh... /unmentionable areas/ as best he can, too, just for his own peace of mind... that just makes him have to wash his hands again, but he finds it worth it to no longer be all slippery /down there/...)

Once he's all clean, he grabs some of Mondo's powder and applies it to his own neck, which is now covered in little bites. It's mostly his right side, since that's what Mondo can reach easiest from behind him, but he has a couple on the left side, too. He does his best not to think about how he'd gotten /those/ (Mondo sometimes likes to lean down and /bite him/ randomly while facing one another, which never fails to cause heat to pool in his gut), and just finishes applying the makeup as best he can while his entire body is bright red. It does make it harder to apply makeup, he will admit...

He takes a long look in the mirror once he's completely finished, biting his lip gently as he turns his head this way and that. If Mondo shows up to the kitchen with a love bite, it won't be entirely strange, since he /is/ a biker gang leader and is objectively /incredibly/ attractive, but if both of them turn up with love bites on their necks... well. He doubts any of their classmates are stupid enough to not realize what such a thing means. Not even Hagakure...

It's not perfect, not really. But with his collar and the makeup, the bites are pretty well covered... and any that are still visible will be covered nicely by the red scarf his mother had given him for his eighth birthday, right before she'd died. It's a good thing it's more of a decorative scarf than a scarf for warmth, so it's not entirely strange to wear it indoors as well as out. It's warm enough to protect him against some of the cold, but not so warm as to be uncomfortable when inside. He has other scarves, warmer but uglier ones he's bought at the general store over the years, but he's always preferred wearing his mother's scarf during the colder months, even if it doesn't offer too much protection against the elements.

As it lies, it's perfect for his current usage, so he grabs it from the counter where he'd left it folded the night before after his shower and wraps it gingerly around his slender neck, checking to make sure no possible bruises are still visible through the material. Seeing that there is not, he relaxes slightly, smiling shakily at the mirror.

The smile dies slowly as the reality of it all starts to sink in, the ache from earlier returning to his heart, quite unbidden. The distraction of talking with Mondo casually had helped, but as he stands here and looks at the covered proof of what they'd done for the fifth time now… he can't quite force himself to ignore it any longer. The thoughts and feeling come creeping back up from the place he'd hidden them in his heart, despite himself entirely, and he can't help but realize how absolutely /absurd/ this whole thing is.

If he's being honest... which he once /always was/, but seems rarely to be anymore... but if he were... he'd admit that part of him isn't exactly happy with the arrangement he and Mondo have found themselves in. Don't get him wrong, he enjoys it immensely! He definitely has no complaints about the pleasure he obtains from the encounters, and he consents to everything they do one hundred percent, often very enthusiastically!

But...

But...

Well.

He isn't entirely sure how comfortable he is with doing sexual acts without being in a committed relationship first.

And that's the crux of this whole thing, isn't it? He and Mondo have been doing this /thing/ without really talking about it, the gradual build up offering him not much time to even think about it, let alone think rationally. The first time they'd done this, he'd been so frustrated and tense that he'd willingly gone along with Mondo's suggestions, not resisting even though he'd felt discomfort at the thought. And then he'd been so worried he'd ruined everything that he'd not had time to think about the possibility of them every doing such a thing again, hoping against hope that Mondo wouldn't hate him entirely because of it.

And then, when Mondo had offered to do it again... he'd been so relieved that Mondo wasn't angry or upset with him that he'd just accepted without really thinking about what he'd been accepting. And then he'd just... kept doing it, again and again, resolutely not thinking of it, telling himself it was fine, that they were just /friends/, that it doesn't have to mean anything. That sexual acts don't always have to mean anything.

But...

But they did. They do. To him... to him, they do. And he knows that, has always /known/ that, in the back of his mind, when Mondo takes him in hand and makes him feel /so much/, he knows it means something to him. Something so very, very important to him. Something so much more than it seems to mean to Mondo, if you believe the biker's professed heterosexuality.

And he knows this. He does, truly he does. He just... he's been trying his best to /ignore it/, like he's always ignored things that are unhelpful to him. He pushes it down, doesn't think about it, doesn't let it bother him.

But now... here, now, having heard Mondo say— /yet again/— how much he wants him, truly...

He can't help but feel it. The discontent. The pain. The sorrow. He's always thought of sex and sexual acts as being reserved for individuals who are desperately in love. And he knows it often isn't only for that, knows about /hook ups/, and /one-night stands/, and all of that, he's not that naive. But... but, for him... he'd always wanted it to be special. To reserve himself and his body for the person he loves most in the world, not just a random stranger. And... and, in a way, he's managed to keep that promise to himself, r-really, it's just... hard. Knowing he wants it so badly, knowing /Mondo/ wants it so badly, and yet...

And yet.

He wants to stop it. To tell Mondo /no/ for once, to take back his initiative and not let this dark and achy feeling radiate through him any longer. He wants to stop being so /desperate/ and /needy/ and /clingy/, so horribly obvious he's surprised people can't see it from space. He wants... he wants this to be over, to not have to know what Mondo's hands feel like /inside of him/, to not wonder what it would feel like if /other appendages/ were pressed inside of him, stretching him wider and fuller than he's ever been before... he hates this feeling, hates the lust that runs through him, hates the shame that always chases the lust's heels. He hates it so much.

But...

But he can't. He can't, he can't, he /can't/. He can't tell Mondo /no/, he can't stop this weird /thing/ they have. Because… because he's /weak/. Because he's /pathetic/. Because he knows that this? This weird /thing/? This thing is the best he's /ever/ going to get. He's so lucky— so /goddamn lucky/— that Mondo is willing to give him even this much. That Mondo cares about him enough to put aside his own discomfort and bring him such overwhelming pleasure. How on earth would he ever be able to find someone as accommodating and wonderful as Mondo Owada is? After all, he has no illusions that anyone on this planet (or outside it, for that matter) would ever, /ever/ love him. Not the way he wants so badly to be loved. God, not even his father loves him! His mother may have, but that's only because she had to! Because she was such a kind and caring woman! Not because of him and who he is!

He has to face the facts one day. He is /unlovable/. He is too forceful, too bright, too /much/. Always, always /too much/. No one can love someone like that. Not even he could! If he'd ever met a person like himself, he's positive he'd /hate/ them, like everyone has always hated him! How can he ever expect anyone to love him when he can't even stand being around /himself/ half the time? He can't. He can't, he can't, he /can't/, and he knows this. Knows it so intimately he doesn't even have to think about it, really. It's just... a fact of the universe. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Kiyotaka Ishimaru is utterly and completely unlovable. It just... it's just /true/. And no amount of heartache and whining will change that.

So... so he should feel /lucky/ that Mondo wants to do such things for him. That— even if he can't /love him/— he /cares/. He cares enough to do sexual acts with him, asking for nothing in return, just wanting to make /Taka/ feel good. Mondo doesn't take anything from him, doesn't try and push Taka further than he is comfortable. He is positive that if he only asked, Mondo would leave him alone entirely, no questions asked. No demands that he should repay him for the pleasure he's so freely given. No demands for anything, really. What other person would ever do so much for him, while asking so little in return?

He knows Mondo has his own insecurities. Knows that he has never been on a real date that his brother hadn't helped him get, since he gets too nervous when asking women out that he yells at them. And yet… and yet Mondo has never treated him with anything less than full respect and honor. The only time Mondo has ever even /ejaculated/ was the first time, when they'd both been so far gone that no rational thought was left inside either of them at all. He doesn't try and ask for more, doesn't try and make Taka give up any more than what he's comfortable giving. He's polite, and respectful, and so /utterly perfect/ that it makes him want to cry.

Because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve anything that Mondo gives him, let alone the gift he's giving so freely. And here he is, being /ungrateful/, wanting /more, more, more/, like a spoilt brat! Feeling dissatisfied, feeling uncomfortable, thinking that sexual acts should be reserved for the relationship that /he will never have/.

This is all he's getting. This is all he'll /ever/ get, and he's /goddamn lucky/ that he has even this much. He will give Mondo anything the biker wants, will gladly give up his virginity, too, if the biker only asks. It makes him feel weak and pathetic to know, but it's true. He... he owes Mondo so much, so very, very much... he will not deny him anything. Especially not when he wants it so, so badly, too... not that he thinks Mondo will ask such a thing of him! It's highly unlikely the biker would want such a thing, after all... but... if he /did/... well.

It doesn't matter that it hurts inside. He tells himself this so often, and maybe one day he'll finally accept it for the truth it is. It doesn't matter what he may /want/; he doesn't deserve to have /wants/, to have /desires/. He's lucky, he knows he is, and he should know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. He'd been so horrible earlier, trying to force Mondo to give more than he's so sweetly offering, trying to /infect him/ with his own immortality. Y-yes, there is nothing wrong with being- being /gay/, but he... it's wrong of him to try and label anyone else, when they've been so clear about who and what they are. Mondo... maybe he wants it. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It's none of Taka's /business/ either way, though! He has /no right/ to ask for more from Mondo, has /no right/ to /want/ for more! God, why can't he just see that already?! Why can't he just... just see that he's getting more than he deserves, so much more... why... /why can't he just be happy?!/ Why?! God... g-god...

Taka can feel the tears as they rise to his eyes, and he wants to let them out. Wants to let them flow and be done with these awful emotions. But he's taken far too long already, far more than the ten minutes he'd promised Mondo, and so he pushes them down again, running the tap cold as he splashes some ice-cold water onto his face, gasping at the sharp stinging. It helps ground him, though, and helps him push all the utter /nonsense/ that he is feeling down, down, down, until it doesn't bother him anymore. It may come back, far sooner than he'd like, but for now it's gone again and all he feels is numb inside. His emotions are on shelves and he knows they shouldn't be, but where else can he keep them? It hurts to feel them, hurts to push them away, hurts to look at them... it just /hurts/, and he doesn't know how to make it stop. If it isn't pain, it's numbness, and if it isn't numbness it's /pain/, and he hates both so, so much. The only time he feels anything else at all is when he's with Mondo, but even then, it's at the edges, mocking him, taunting him with the reality that none of this is real. That he doesn't deserve any of it, no matter what Mondo says.

God...

He has to stop thinking about this. He just... he has to keep on keeping on. He can't stop, can't let this get him down. He's agreed to do these acts with Mondo, is willing and wanting and he can't keep letting his emotions try and sway him from his decision. It's been /decided/, he swears to himself it has, so the matter is done. It's /done/.

With that in mind, Taka nods to himself once in the mirror, adjusting his scarf needlessly, and heads for the door. He hesitates only a second before opening it, a bright, only slightly forced smile on his lips.

The smile becomes genuine when he sees Mondo, the biker reading more of the /Harry Potter/ book he's on, getting close to the end now, Taka knows. He would watch the biker read for a minute, loving the sight of him so gentle and relaxed and calm, but he'd made too much noise opening the door, which unfortunately makes Mondo look up at him after only a second. The smile the biker gives him more than makes up for any possible disappointment he might feel, though, even after he removes those fetching glasses of his...

"Heya, Taka. Was 'bout ta head over an' knock. Got 'bout ten minutes 'til Hina wants us ta meet up, an' I know ya like gettin' places early if ya can. Wanna head out now?"

The swell of affection is almost too much for him after the thoughts he'd just been having, but he pushes it aside again as he smiles, nodding as enthusiastically as he can manage.

"That sounds like an excellent idea, kyoudai! To be tardy is akin to the highest sin, after all!"

His heart races at the sound of Mondo's laughter, loving the soft look the biker gives him, all gentle and kind and affectionate. Mondo then stands and walks over to him, his hands resting on his hips as he leans in close, pressing their foreheads together without any preamble. Taka can't help the way he gasps softly at the feeling, his hands raising without conscious thought to rest lightly on Mondo's chest.

"Never change, Kiyo," Mondo mutters, pressing tighter as he does so. "Never... never fuckin' change. Promise... promise me ya won't. Not fer anythin', okay? Not even me."

The words make everything in him clench again, all of the emotions he'd /just/ laid to rest rising up inside him without his permission once more. Ugh, this is why it's so hard to keep it all down! Because /Mondo/ can't stop being so- so- so utterly /perfect/! God, he... he can't... he /can't/...

"K-kyoudai," Taka stammers, feeling off kilter and wrong. He knows he should smile, should nod and say he will, say whatever will make Mondo happy, but... but Mondo has a /thing/ about promises. He doesn't like it when people make promises they don't intend to keep. And Taka... Taka, he... he /can't/... "T-thank you! We should- we should get going, though! I- I'd hate for us to be late and-"

Taka tries to pull away, the touch and intense look burning him, but Mondo tightens his hold, his face growing completely serious as he shakes his head firmly once.

"That can fuckin' wait. I just... I mean it, ya know? I think yer fucking perfect the way you are. You... ya don't need ta change. Not now, not ever. Please... promise me ya won't. Not unless you truly want to. But… just… don't do it because you think you should, or because you think someone else wants you to. Okay? Kiyo..."

God. Why is he doing this, why is he /saying/ this? What had brought this on? Why does it /matter so much/ to him? And why can't Taka just say he'll consider it, like he always does? Why can't he just shrug it off, laugh, make Mondo not worry for him like always? Any other day, any other time, and he'd be able to, he knows he would. So why... /why/...

Taka rips himself away from the biker, breathing heavily, hating himself more than he ever has before but unable to stop it. He tries to smile but it comes out wrong, and he has to turn to face the door so that the startled, /hurt/ look Mondo is giving him doesn't tear into him anymore. He's breathing heavily and his hands are shaking, and he closes his eyes as he shakes his head. He doesn't want to say the words that come out, but he can't stop them, /god/, he can't stop them...

"I can't... kyoudai, I cannot promise such a thing. I... I must make myself better, no matter what the consequences. And if I must change myself to become what I need to be, to achieve my goals... then I will. I am not foolish enough to think that I am the pinnacle of perfection. Whatever you may want to fool yourself into believing, I am /not/. I strive for perfection. I /must/ become perfect. It... it is what I was born to do. But I am not perfect. I... I cannot be. If I were, then you..." /then you would love me, too/, he thinks sadly, but doesn't say. He shrugs heavily, eyes open and on the ground again, blurry and weak and /pathetic/. "We should get going. I-if we... if we don't wanna be late..."

Silence encompasses them for several long seconds, Taka able to hear the harsh way Mondo is breathing, something that makes him ache so much to hear. But he can't take back his words. He never can, even if he wants to. He doesn't even know why he said it, it has nothing to do with anything, he just... Mondo's words... h-ha. And to think, Mondo was being so sweet to him, so kind and caring, and this is how he repays him... god... no wonder he's unlovable...

"... uh. Yeah. Y-yeah... fuck..."

He can hear Mondo shuffle behind him, and he can't take the awkwardness. He strides toward the door and grabs the handle, hands shaking as he tries to open it up, unable to even after several tries. He gets stopped when he hears heavy footsteps stomp up behind him, a hand grabbing his hip almost painfully. It makes him gasp, but Mondo doesn't let go. He... he just...

"Actu'ly, fuck that. An' fuck you, too! Fuck, Taka... I don't know what the hell crawled up yer ass an' died, but if ya wanna fuckin' pretend nothin's the fuckin' matter, then fuckin' fine. Be my /fuckin'/ guest. But don't... goddamn. Don't ya fuckin' tell me I'm /foolin'/ myself 'bout any /fuckin'/ thing. If I say yer fuckin' perfect ta me, I fuckin' mean it. Ain't fuckin' foolin' myself or nothin'. I know ya have yer issues, an' I ain't gonna fuckin' tell ya not ta feel how ya feel, much as I wanna, but just... don't try an' do that shit ta me, okay? I already can't figure my own shit out, don't need ya makin' shit worse. Got it? So, just... I mean it. I know ya got flaws an' shit, man, everyone does. But... don't fuckin' matter ta me, Kiyo. Yer just... so fuckin' important. Can't even say how much. All yer flaws an' shit don't mean fuck all ta me, 'cuz yer just so... so fuckin' perfect. Can't think ofa better word than that. So, don't fuckin' try an' tell me otherwise, okay? Just... fuckin' /don't/."

Taka stares at the door, breathing heavily, trembling as he feels Mondo press up close behind him, his voice rumbling softly in his ears by the end, juxtaposing the angry words. The hand on his hip is burning him and he can feel the tears rising in his eyes again. He presses his forehead against the door and does his best to settle everything inside him, but it's not working. It just... it's not /working/.

God, he was a fool if he thought he could ever make this settle fully. How can he when Mondo keeps on /doing things like this/? How can he ever hope to make this horrible ache go away when Mondo keeps bringing it up, keeps doing things to make him /want/ and /yearn/ and feel so much /love/ it hurts inside?

Is love supposed to feel like this? Like his entire world is collapsing? He'd always dreamt that love would be kind, and soft, and gentle. This... this doesn't feel anything of the sort. Not now, not here. Not when he can feel Mondo breathing heavily against him, both of them arguing about different things entirely, both lost in their own private battles without a single clue about what battle the other is currently facing. But he knows Mondo is battling /something/, and he knows Mondo knows that he is, too. But the whys and the wherefores... he has no idea. He doesn't know what is going on, and he's too afraid to ask, because he doesn't want to ruin everything and for this all to end, like everything always does for him, one way or another. He... he just...

"... y-you... you can't say that to me, y-you... you can't... it's not /fair/, Mondo, it's just... it's not fair..." he whispers, so soft it barely makes a sound. But Mondo hears him. He... he always does... always...

He hears Mondo sigh softly and feels as a warm forehead presses against the back of his head, not moving just... resting. Mondo's other hand reaches up and grabs his other hip, holding him in place, pressed between the warm biker and the chilled door. Everything in him is up in the air and he just... it's too much. So much. Is it too much to ask for one day without feeling this conflict inside him? Is such a thing really too much for him to ask?

"... I know. Taka... Kiyo. I know. An'... and I'm sorry. I... I'm so sorry..."

The words are soft, equally as soft as his own had been, but he hears them perfectly. They resonate throughout him and burrow deep inside his chest, making their home inside his body. He wants to cry, wants to break down, wants to /shatter/, but he... he can't. They have- they have /plans/. He doesn't have /time/ to shatter, he just... he just /doesn't/.

Instead, he just presses further against the door and opens his mouth, needing to be /away/ from this moment already, god...

"We... w-we should head to the kitchen now. We shouldn't be late..."

Taka can feel Mondo press against him firmer at his words, a hint of a laugh released from the biker's lips, but it's not a happy sound. More just... forceful. But then Mondo is pulling back, leaving Taka feeling cold and so acutely bereft he doesn't know what to do. He gets spurned into action when he hears Mondo mumble, his voice low and dull.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why the fuck not..."

With that, Taka manages to finally open the door, spilling out of the dorm room like he's escaping the gates of hell. Part of him wants to head directly to the kitchen, not bothering to look back, but he... he can't do that, not to Mondo. Not when this entire thing is his fault, /yet again/.

As such, he finds himself waiting for the biker, so tense it almost hurts, not quite looking at him but doing his best. He can hear Mondo sigh as he falls in step with him, the pair walking through the halls carefully. Not too fast, not too slow. He waits for Mondo to say something else, for something to happen, but nothing does. They just want in a thick, tense silence, so palpable he can practically feel it. They reach the dining hall quickly— and from there the kitchen— all without sharing a single word. He doesn't know if that's a good thing or not...

Inside the kitchen, they see Hina and Sakura standing by the stoves, talking softly together, looking at one another so softly it makes him ache inside, though he tries to push it away. It's only them, so far, at least, which makes him feel just a little relieved. At least he doesn't have to face their entire class just yet...

He watches as the girls turn to face them with bright smiles (well, Hina does, though Sakura is smiling her usual soft half smile), which quickly turn to frowns when they catch sight of the pair.

"Whoa! Is everything okay? You guys don't look happy..." Hina exclaims, sharing a look with Sakura that Taka doesn't even want to begin to decipher, so he doesn't. He is saved from having to answer, though, by Mondo growling, the biker stomping off to the corner, slouching angrily against the wall.

"Ain't none a' yer fuckin' business, so fuck off!" Mondo growls, causing Taka to wince. A-ah... so he's /pissed/ pissed... good to know...

Sakura— taking offense to Mondo being rude to her girlfriend— glares at the biker, her eyes practically on fire as she scowls darkly at him.

"I do not know what your problem is, Owada-san, but that does not mean you can take it out on us. If you cannot behave, then I will ask you to leave. Is that understood?"

A heavy silence descends around the quartet for a minute, before—

"Fine. Whatever. Sorry. Just... leave me the fuck alone," Mondo mumbles, eyes downcast, looking decidedly unhappy. With his hair down (he'd not even bothered with the ponytail), his eyeliner off, and his coat not on, he looks almost nothing like how he normally does. He just... he looks sad. And upset. And hurt. And Taka... Taka /hates it/, especially since he knows that it's all /his fault/, that he's the one who caused it by not being strong enough to push his stupid emotions down, but what can he do to fix this? He can't take back his words, he'd meant them besides, and he can't talk to Mondo privately, not right now, even if such a thing would actually help. All he can do is try and make it through this afternoon without any /more/ disasters, but honestly? Who knows? Who even knows...

It's going to be a long afternoon, isn't it...?

---

Well! That certainly did happen! Aha…

Anyway. Next chapter is definitely an emotional one, so be prepared for that, y'all. Before I close this chapter, though, I'd like to clarify one thing. And that's Mondo's whole "I'm not gay thing."

Now, I promised after chapter 14 that Mondo was done being casually homophobic. And that is still the case. That wasn't Mondo being all "I'm not gay!" (derogatory), but him being all "I'm not gay…" (regretful). Mondo is going through a lot of personal dilemmas at the moment, some of which get explained and partially resolved at the end of chapter 22. I won't go into it too much here to not spoil anything, but just know that this isn't Mondo being cruel or harsh. He legit is upset he can't be what Taka needs or deserves. And when he apologized? He meant that completely. Because he kind of knows Taka is in love with him, and he knows he's hurting him, even if he desperately doesn't want to be. So… yeah. Just wanted y'all to know that.

(And if you're wondering why Mondo was super insistent on Taka not changing… well, I've not written his perspective of that scene yet, but I always imagined that he was thinking about things related to it while Taka was in the bathroom. And there's just… a lot of miscommunications going on between these two, which is leading to their issues a lot. So… yeah.)

(Also, I had considered titling this chapter "Netflix and Chill." ;-) )