The Problem with Perfection

by DracoMalfoy456

Perfection is not an option. It is a requirement. At least… that's what Kiyotaka Ishimaru has always been taught, from the time he was old enough to be taught anything. (Ishimondo)

26. Shocking Truths

CW: there is some talk about gender dysphoria and accidental misgendering in this chapter, but please know that I am a cisgender woman and— as such— don't know about this topic firsthand. If I get anything wrong, please know I am very, very sorry, and will do my best to fix it immediately if you point out where I messed up. The character in question (I'm sure y'all know who I'm talking about) is not trans (in this story), but still. I did my best to write this in a respectful way, using the knowledge I've learned from talking with trans people and from my few college classes that dealt with LGBT issues. However, as a cisgender woman, I know that I can never truly be knowledgeable about this topic.

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Hey all!

Sorry for the delayed posting! Those of you on my Tumblr will have seen this, but school just started where I live yesterday and— as an after-school teacher— things have been so hectic. My second class for graduate school started yesterday as well, and the class opened online on Sunday, which is why I didn't post then. And yesterday… oh, God. Let's just say that everything was bad and leave it at that. -.-

But! I wanted to make sure to post today because it's a certain someone's birthday! I may have forgotten Mondo's, but I wasn't about to forget Taka, my love's.

Now… this chapter is a bit, uh… heavy. And, like the content warning says, there are talks of gender dysphoria and transgender issues, even though in this story, Chi is not trans. I wanted to try and make sense of the canon depiction of Chi as best I could, and I hope I was respectful. If not, feel free to call me out! All I ask is that you tell me where I messed up so I can do my best to fix it, or get rid of it if I can. :-)

As for this chapter… eh. I'm… not a fan. It has a lot of flaws and I remember STRUGGLING while writing it. Chi's part in particular was hard and I rewrote it at least twice, I think. The beginning also went way longer than planned, so it's a bit awkward pacing wise. It's all super important to the story, though, so… yeah. It's also the second of the chapters I split, so the end is a bit abrupt, but I think it's a decent stop. I hope y'all like it.

Enjoy!

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Taka sits in the classroom after school ends on Friday, looking around curiously at his fellow students, wondering what— exactly— is going on. They had all been asked by Chihiro during home room to stay after class ended for the day, as the girl had an announcement to make to them all, which has definitely piqued his curiosity, and he knows everyone else is curious too. Everyone has stayed behind, after all, except Enoshima, who had a photo shoot and hadn't been there in the first place that day. Even Ikusaba is there, looking uninterested, but also not upset at being around them. It's all very mysterious, and Taka can feel some measure of intrigue fill him at the whole proceedings.

That morning, though, when Chihiro had told them she had something to tell them, Taka had grown instantly worried for the young girl. After all, he'd never seen her look so nervous before, which really was saying something! He hadn't been able to help how worried he got for her, wondering what exactly she had to tell them that made her so afraid. His concern and nerves had tripled when Mondo had immediately gone up to her after her announcement, sharing quiet words that not even Taka was allowed to be privy to, Mondo grimacing awkwardly but saying that it was private, before sending Taka on ahead, saying that he'd 'catch up later, okay?'

Part of him had become concerned about that, concerned that maybe Mondo's words from a couple weeks ago were wrong, that he and Chihiro /are/ together after all, and that /that/ was what Chihiro wanted to announce. However, those fears had been thoroughly assuaged when Mondo had met up with him later, kissing his neck passionately as they hid in an empty bathroom stall, Taka flushed as Mondo whispered what he wanted to /do to him later/, after class. It was thoroughly indecent, and not at all befitting of the Ultimate Moral Compass and a Hall Monitor, but, well... it /had/ felt so nice... and he had been feeling a little insecure about everything beforehand, so having /proof/ that Mondo still wanted him... well. It helped. A lot.

Taka is still feeling a little unwell, the flu having run its course but still leaving a lingering feeling of grunginess that has been hanging around. Today, however, is the first day all week that both he and Mondo are feeling well enough to, er... well! /Do things/ together. And Taka is highly ashamed to admit that he is very much looking forward to it... mm. Very much so, indeed.

He feels it even more so now, especially when he remembers his conversation with his father the previous day and the aftermath of it... after all, it... hadn't been particularly pleasant.

He'd figured that calling his father the day before was the best course of action, though, as he'd been feeling mostly better and knew that it was always better to get unpleasant things over with than to let them hang over you, crushing you under their weight. His father's schedule had indicated he'd be free after 7:00 on Thursday, so Taka had sent an email with his plan to call the man that night, his father agreeing quickly.

Ripping himself from Mondo's side had been hard, ridiculously so, especially with how concerned the biker had been about him talking to his father alone. Taka had managed to convince him after a little while, Mondo sighing as he said he could probably spend the time with 'Chi,' helping the girl with whatever project the two of them were working on. He hadn't looked happy though and had told Taka to call or text him as soon as his call was over, so they could talk. Taka had promised he would and had watched the teen go with a churning stomach.

But... there was no use for it. He had to call his father and resolve things. Answer whatever questions the man had and hope that... that his father would see things the way he does.

It had never felt so hard to press his father's contact name before, though, holding the phone up to his ear with a racing heart. The phone had barely rung once before his father had picked up, not even bothering with his usual greeting. Instead, he'd immediate said, 'Kiyotaka. Explain. /Now/.'

And so... Taka had. He'd spent most of the week debating how to best go about it, but in the end, he'd decided that it would be best to just... go for it. To explain everything, plainly and clearly, laying it all out on the line. Well... mostly everything. His friendship with Mondo, at least. He wasn't— at /all/— ready to tell his father about his /sexuality/, especially considering how unhappy the man already had been. That would be a beast to tackle another day, most definitely. No, he couldn't talk about all of that... but he could explain their friendship well enough. He knew he could.

And so... he did.

He started at the beginning, how he'd run into Mondo— literally— before school had officially started, the pair getting off on the wrong foot almost immediately. He spoke about how many detentions he'd given to Mondo the first week alone, the biker seeming allergic to following the rules. He spoke of the frustration he felt at the biker, thinking him a great annoyance more than anything.

However... he hadn't wanted to let his father only hear the bad, so he'd laughed quietly and said how— despite all of it— he'd always seen something hidden within Mondo, even from the start. Something... kinder and more respectable. How the biker never tried to fight against the numerous detentions he got, accepting responsibility with ease. How he would have a strange kindness to him, a softness when dealing with people who were upset, even if it made him feel awkward. And how... how part of him, despite all of it, had wanted to befriend Mondo. Even as ill-advised as he had thought it would be. He just wanted his father to know that— despite the animosity— he had always seen more inside Mondo than what was on the surface. He'd needed him to know that.

After that interlude, he had then continued with his retelling of events, telling his father about the various run-ins he had with the biker following that first week, knowing that it wouldn't endear his father to the teen, but also knowing that his father would rather hear the whole truth than just the cherry-picked parts. He'd been hoping it would let his father know that he /understood/ that Mondo wasn't flawless, but that he was still a good person, despite it. His father had let out some noises of complaint at some of it, clearly unhappy with the harshness that Mondo had initially treated Taka with, but he hadn't tried to interrupt, seeming content to listen to the whole story before trying to get more information.

It had been... /hard/... talking about the moment in the tech store… but seeing as how that was a major turning point in their relationship, he knew it was needed in his retelling. His father had been very silent when he'd told how Mondo had mistaken him as rich at first, before making him out himself and his poverty. Taka moved on quickly from that, not wanting to dwell on it, instead talking about the moment of closeness and camaraderie they'd briefly shared before it had... well. Been ruined. He didn't explain /what/, exactly, had ruined it, just saying that they'd had an argument about something, and Taka had remembered who and what, exactly, Mondo was.

And he... he talked about the horrible week that followed that day. Confessed to the /horrific/ actions he had taken, the bitter anger and hurt he'd felt at having been /tricked/ (preferring to call it that than confessing he'd felt /heartbroken/, knowing that he could never confess such a thing to his father) consuming him. He even confessed to getting in trouble, which his father had hummed angrily about, but still hadn't interrupted, thankfully.

He then explained the actions their classmates had gone through to get them to make up, how it had failed and yet, somehow, hadn't. How he and Mondo had still been at odds, but that they had no longer been fighting like cats and dogs.

He then talked about their literature teacher asking him to tutor Mondo, how he'd had his reservations but had agreed, nonetheless. Talked about how things had started off rough but had improved when he'd realized Mondo was farsighted and that he had such trouble reading because of it. He decidedly had /not/ talked about how he'd grown so passionate and had nearly ruined things, knowing that it would upset his father to hear about it, but he had explained the tentative friendship he and Mondo had created following that day.

And he talked about how stressful and challenging it had been at first. How Mondo had gone from 'hot' to 'cold' at the drop of a hat, explaining how frustrating such a thing was. And then... he talked about the boiling point, how Mondo had gotten so enraged at Taka asking him to just /wear his glasses/ that he'd issued a challenge, a test of endurance to prove which of them was better.

He had heard his father sigh when he said that he'd immediately accepted, Taka able to imagine the way his father was massaging his temples, but the man hadn't interrupted, so Taka had continued, flushing. It had been a bit challenging to explain what had occurred inside the sauna, especially since he was still fuzzy on the details himself (Mondo had tried fully explaining once, but since he hadn't been fully himself either, a lot of details were lost to time), but he'd done his best to explain how he'd unintentionally confessed too much about himself. How Mondo had been the one to end the challenge, his concern for Taka outweighing his desire to win. How Mondo had proceeded to take care of him, forcing him to drink water, more kind and caring than anyone else has ever been to him, outside of family. How Mondo had confessed he saw Taka like a /little brother/, someone to protect and take care of, like his brother had protected and taken care of him.

And he... he /hadn't/ talked about them sharing a bed, knowing that such a thing would be highly suspicious to his father, which he didn't want. He'd carefully pushed passed that, hoping his father didn't notice.

And then... he talked about the start of their friendship. How it had just... felt so natural to them. How they slotted together so perfectly. The initial harsh butting of heads hadn't ruined anything, hadn't made things awkward between them at all. They'd been able to move passed their tumultuous start so easily and naturally that it was almost funny.

And it hadn't all been fine and dandy. He explained that, too. Explained what happened at Halloween, focusing more on Mondo's anger than his supposed homophobia, explaining that it was a known problem, but one that they were both working on, /together/. That just because Mondo had anger issues doesn't mean he was a bad person. He just... needed extra guidance. Extra help. Help that Taka /knew/ he could supply. That he had been supplying.

He glossed over the fact he'd gone out on Mondo's motorcycle, really not wanting to discuss /that day/, knowing that nothing about it would be helpful here. If only because his father had never approved of motorcycles, so telling him that he'd willingly gone on a ride on one... ah. Well. He doesn't think his father would approve, and so he'd not brought it up at all. Nor had he brought up the week following that day, the way he'd grown more and more anxious, his last conversation with his father actually making things so, so much worse.

He had brought up the closeness he and Mondo had experienced following that day, though. How they spent almost all of their time together after Halloween. How he'd told Mondo all about his life; from his grandfather, to his mother, to the bullying he had faced as a child. Even his anxiety and fears. He mentioned how he'd confessed everything to Mondo and how Mondo... Mondo hadn't been driven away. How they'd gotten even /closer/ after that. How Mondo... Mondo was everything he'd ever wanted as a child; a friend who cared about him /no matter what/, how not even the things he disliked about himself seemed to bother Mondo.

And then he talked about how, even though they have had a couple fights, they still remained close. Still remained /kyoudai/. It goes without saying that he hadn't told his father about their /intimacy/, but he had mentioned their closeness and how they spend most of their time together, and how he just... he just had been so, so grateful to have Mondo. How he trusted him, fully and completely; not out of naivety, or foolishness, but because Mondo had /earned/ his trust. Because Mondo had taken the time to show Taka that he was worthy of being trusted.

With that, Taka had finally fallen silent, biting his lip as he looked down at the ground, phone pressed tightly to his ear, listening as his father breathed, the man clearly thinking over all he had learned. He knew intimately that his father was a very skilled police officer, knew that he was intelligent and could process information very quickly and easily. It had been one of the reasons his department had kept him on after his grandfather's fall; he'd just been that good. As such, it had made him very anxious to wait for his father's decision, knowing that if he hadn't convinced him after all that... well. Then he never would.

Finally, several minutes later, his father had sighed. Soft and quiet. And then... he spoke.

"You truly trust him, don't you, Kiyotaka?" his father had questioned, though it hadn't sounded like one. It had sounded more like a statement. A truth that his father was relaying. Something that was just an undeniable /fact/. Still... Taka had decided to take it as a question, wanting his father to /know/— for certain— that he does.

"Yes, father," he'd stated, far softer than he'd ever spoken to his father before, for once not nervous or afraid. After all... what had he to fear when thinking of Mondo? "I truly, truly do. He has /earned/ my trust. He will not betray me. I cannot, in any reality, conceive of such a thing happening. I know you think that I am naive, and perhaps I am in some capacity, but I am not about this. I have never been surer about anything— about any/one/— in my entire life. He will not harm me. I guarantee it."

And the funniest thing was... he'd meant it. He knew— and he /knows/— deep inside him that Mondo would never betray him. Not ever. And as for hurting him... he knows that Mondo would not do that, either. Not on purpose. Not if he could help it. And if he did... if he /does/, then Taka knows he will do everything he can to make it right. Because that's just the kind of person Mondo is, to him.

His father had fallen silent after that, considering again. The silence had not dragged on quite as long that time before his father had sighed again, sounding overly tired and worn, but also... resigned...

"Alright. Alright, Kiyotaka. I... I believe I understand. Now, I cannot say that I /approve/, exactly, but... I will not try and persuade you otherwise. Clearly, you believe you know this young man, and I find that I will have to trust your judgment until I can get a feel for his character myself. I must say that he did not impress me much with his foul language the other day, but... I suppose that I must commend him for how fervently he defended his /friend/. It is an honorable trait."

His father had paused here, before sighing again.

"That all being said... please, my son. Be /careful/. There are many people in this world who will seem genuine, seem trustworthy, and yet they truly are not. Your grandfather... I never told you this, but I had never approved of his /friends/. Of the people he surrounded himself with. I had told him this countless times, over and over again. And yet… he'd been insistent that they were trustworthy. That they could help us. I had tried to get him to see reason, to get him to listen to me, but his 'friends' had turned him against me, saying that I just didn't trust his judgement. I had to learn to hold my tongue if I didn't want to lose him entirely. And, despite our issues, I didn't want that to happen. I dearly loved my father, and I didn't want to drive him away. I told myself that perhaps I was wrong, tried to convince myself that perhaps my father was right, but..."

His father trailed off, before letting out a low, humorless laugh.

"But I wasn't wrong. I was, in fact, /right/. His 'friends' weren't to be trusted. They led him astray. And because of that... your grandfather, my father... he fell. And he fell /hard/. And he took all of us with him. Everything that has happened to us since then... all of our hardships, our struggle... your /mother/... it was because of /him/. Him, and his blind, fool-hardy trust. And me, for not putting a stop to it sooner. For not distancing our family before... well. If it hadn't been for him, we wouldn't be in such debt. If it hadn't been for him, your mother would still be here. And if it hadn't been for him... you wouldn't have such a heavy burden to carry, my son."

Another pause. Another sigh.

"But... there is no use dwelling on the past. Nothing good comes from such a thing. All we can do is look to the future, and /prevent/ such mistakes from happening again. And Kiyotaka... I know that you are not your grandfather. Your friend was right about that. You are far kinder and far more caring than your grandfather ever was, even in his youth. You are so much like your mother, you truly are. She... she always believed the best in people, always believed that if only someone /worked hard/ and /tried their best/, they could achieve anything. And you are the same.

"However... such blind trust in the world can be a double-edged sword. And I fear for you, my son, I truly do. I still remember your first friend, that boy... Takeru, I believe. How much he had hurt you with his betrayal. You trusted him completely, too. And yet he hurt you far more than you would ever say. And then, when your mother died soon after... I know that I did not handle things well, after that. That I had let my grief consume me. That I still do. But I had noticed. How far into yourself you retreated. How you changed yourself to become what others wanted you to be. It pained me so much to see it, another failure of mine, but I hadn't known how to help you, when I could barely help myself. I... aha. But that is beside the point, isn't it? I just... Kiyotaka. You are my son. My pride and joy. I will always be proud of the young man you have become. And I cannot bear the thought of you putting all of your trust into someone only for them to destroy you so utterly. So please, my son... if you are to trust this boy, this... /biker/... then be absolutely sure that he is someone you can fully trust. Don't let him destroy you. Please."

His father had fallen silent then, and Taka... Taka couldn't help how he cried, though he tried to stifle it. It just... he had never heard his father say such things. His father /never/ talked about Taka's grandfather. /Ever/. Not really, at least. He used the man as a cautionary tale, warning Taka against foolishness and blind trust, but he never spoke of him with any hint of kindness or affection. Never alluded to the time they hadn't been so irrevocably at odds and had just been... a father and son. To hear that... and to then hear his father speak of his mother, comparing the two... and how his father had /noticed/ Taka's retreat into himself, had noticed how hard he worked to 'better' himself... it was too much. Far too much.

But he'd had to speak. He... he /had/ to. Had to show his father that this was /different/. That Mondo was different. That Mondo wasn't like /the boy/, whose name he was already doing his best to forget again. That he'd proven himself a hundred times over.

And so... he had.

"I- I... I understand your words, father. But you needn't worry. Mondo... h-he... he will not betray me. My trust is not unfounded. He has /proven/ himself to me. Many, many times. He has not failed me yet, and I know he never will. He has his flaws, his downfalls, but so do I. So does everyone. He... he will not harm me. Not on purpose. And should he ever harm me by accident, I fully believe he will do everything in his ability to make it right. Because that is the kind of person he is. He accepts responsibility. He doesn't try and shy away from it. He... he truly is incredible, father. He is more than what his past has made of him.

"And… and he has no reason to deceive me, either. I have less influence than he does, at the moment. Nor do I allow him to get away with misbehavior; in fact, I have given him a handful of detentions since befriending him, though not nearly as many as before, as he has been /trying/ to follow the rules. There is no conceivable reason for him to act as he does towards me, other than... than he cares for me. I have thought of this, father. I am not that much of a fool. And Mondo... Mondo is a good person. A good /man/. Despite all his flaws and his faults... he is a good man."

He'd fallen silent then, biting his lip with worry. He'd meant every word he'd said, had believed it fully. Believes it still. But... but he had been walking a tight rope. Speaking of Mondo, of the admiration he felt for the teen... he knew that one wrong move and his father would /know/. Taka has always been an open person by nature, learning to hide out of necessity and not desire. And as such, deception does not come easy to him. He prefers honesty and truthfulness above all else.

And having to hide the enormity of his feelings for Mondo... it had been /hard/. So much harder than he'd ever have thought. He just /loves/ the biker so much, so having to try and hide that had been like trying to block the entirety of a waterfall with only his hands. It was so much, too much, and if he wasn't careful, he'd let everything spill over and then... well. His father may be able to be willing to accept his /friendship/ with Mondo. But... anything else...

To his great relief, his father hadn't seemed to notice. He had just hummed softly, before speaking again, voice soft once more.

"Alright. Alright. If you are sure, Kiyotaka... then I will believe you. But I wish to meet him. Sometime over the break. Even if it is only for an afternoon, I wish to speak with him face to face, to judge his sincerity myself. I have been working as a police officer for a long time. I can tell by look if he is someone to trust or not. My intuition has never failed me yet! Aha... but... even still. I think, my son, that you should still be careful. Even if your friend is being truthful in his intentions towards you, even if he truly does care... I still believe you may wish to be careful. After all, while I cannot say for certain, I... I am not quite certain if your goals for your friendship align. I believe he may have... other intentions toward you than you have towards him."

Taka's heart had halted in his chest at his father's words, his eyes going wide and his breath stuttering as he exhaled. W-what? He... his father... Taka had felt such /terror/ fill him then, wondering what his father had meant. Because... because surely, he didn't /suspect/… did he? Taka- Taka had been so /careful/, had done all he could to hide the enormity of his feelings. Had... had his father suspected...

"I- I do not know what you- y-you mean, father! W-what... what other intentions could either of us have?"

Several tense moments passed in silence, Taka clutching the phone tight to his face while he waited for his father to speak. And when he did...

"Ah. It... never mind, my son. I am... I am probably misjudging things. Once I meet him, though... I will be able to better tell. Now. I believe that it may be time to end this conversation. My questions have been answered, and while I will hold out judgment until I meet him, I will trust your judgment for now. If you trust him... then I will trust you. Is there anything else you would like to say?"

Taka had thought about that, trying to force his breathing to return to normal, but knowing he had to answer his father. After a moment, he shook his head, despite being the only one in the room.

"No... n-no, father. That was all."

He heard his father take a deep breath then, and exhale shakily.

"Very well. Then I will speak with you later. I have left enough money in your school account to afford a train ticket home, which I hope you will purchase soon, to save on expenses. If that is all... then goodbye for now, my son."

His father had hung up, then, and Taka had listened to the dial tone for several long moments, before hanging up as well. He'd barely waited a second before he was opening up the texting app and sending a hurried, shaking message to Mondo.

To: Kyoudai 3: /My phone call is over. Please come back soon./

Taka had sent it without care, burying his head in his arms as he tried his best to calm everything within him, breathing shakily. He hadn't even cared he'd not put his message in 'proper' format, everything within him so twisted and in pain. Because...

Because the conversation had gone /well/. Because it had gone well, and he had been so sure it wouldn't. He'd mentally prepared himself for his father getting angry, for his father yelling at him, calling him a fool. And he hadn't /wanted/ that, god no! But... but he had /prepared/ for it. Had made plans for it.

He... he hadn't made plans for this. For his father /trusting/ him. For his father being /open/ to him. His father had always been a traditionalist, believing that the patriarch of the family shouldn't have to explain himself to anyone else, least of all his children. With his mother, his father had tried to share some of the responsibilities, especially /After/, but... but there was always the belief in his family that his father knew best, no matter what. That he didn't have to explain his actions if he didn't want to.

To hear him... to hear him explain, even a little, why he'd always been so distant... to hear him talk to him so openly, with honesty and care? It was more than Taka had ever dreamed of. No, his father hadn't said he loved him, but he had said he /cared/. That he cares. And that... that, too, was more than Taka had ever truly expected. Of course, he had hoped for it. Had /prayed/ for it. Had wanted his father to care for him, to see him. But he... he'd never actually /expected/ it to be true. Not... not really. And he'd felt horrible for having thought it, for having believed it, feeling like a bad son, which just made it all /worse/.

By the time Mondo had returned— chest heaving and eyes wide with worry— Taka had managed to work himself up into almost a panic, for reasons he still doesn't quite know. He'd been crying, his chest heaving, and he'd felt so /stupid/ for feeling that way when things had finally gone right, for once! His father trusted him, his father /cared/ about him, so why... why was he so /afraid/?

He'd immediately melted into Mondo's arms when the biker had reached his side a moment later, burying his face in Mondo's chest, feeling so pathetic and /worthless/. And Mondo... Mondo had held him, nice and tight, and had whispered in his ear, words of affirmation and affection and /care/.

"Shh, shh... don't ya cry Kiyo, I'm here, I'm fuckin' here... don't you worry a second 'bout whatever that bastard said, he ain't worth shit... I'm here now, an' I ain't ever lettin' ya go, not 'til ya want me to. We're family and that shit matters, Kiyo, it /matters/... if he don't see it like that, then he can go an' fuck himself, 'cuz he ain't deservin' a' someone as wonderful as you, Kiyo, he fuckin' ain't... that's it, Kiyo, that's it, baby... don't cry, I'm here... he don't matter, not a single, goddamn bit..."

Taka had finally managed to pull away from the tight embrace then, eyes still leaking but needing to correct Mondo, shaking his head frantically as he looked Mondo in the eye, pressing their foreheads together so they could still be close.

"No... n-no, you don't- don't understand... he... he /believed me/. He... he told me he /cares about me/. He... k-kyoudai, he... he says that he wants to meet you himself, to get a judge for y-your character, but that until then, he /trusts my judgement/. That he... that he won't try and persuade me otherwise... I... I don't know why I'm crying; I'm being so /stupid/, I... I- I'm so... I'm so sorry..."

Taka had broken into sobs again after that, not even knowing why. He'd still seen the wide-eyed look Mondo had given him, the biker clearly not expecting that, but he'd quickly gotten over it, pulling Taka close and soothing him yet again.

They had remained like that for what felt like hours, Mondo running soothing fingers through his hair while Taka cried. He listened as Mondo spoke softly to him, told him it would be okay, that he wasn't stupid, he was just overwhelmed, that Mondo didn't mind. He called him /baby/, and rubbed his back, and kissed his cheek, and looked at him with such /adoration/ that it made Taka cry all over again, but it... god. It was so, so much. All of this. And when Mondo began to sing... voice rough and untrained and harsh, but still so utterly beautiful... he...

"/'Cuz you'll be in my heart, believe me, you'll be in my heart. I'll be there from this day on, now and forever more.../"

It had made Taka cry again, his eyes hurting from the strain, but Mondo never let him go. Not once. He just kept holding him, rocking him, /singing/ to him...

When Taka had finally run out of tears to cry, he and Mondo had still remained close. They'd held one another for the rest of the night, getting up only to take a shower, which they'd done together yet again. Taka had let Mondo hold him closely under the spray, nothing between them but skin, but it hadn't been sexual. It had just... it had been intimate. And wonderful. And the best moment of his life. But not sexual. Not at all.

And then they'd gone to bed, entangled together, close as ever. And when they'd woken, both of them feeling better than they had all week... there had been a /heat/ between them. Mondo had been pressing against him, their morning wood aching as they lied close together, and Taka couldn't help how he gasped at the sensation, pressing back, aching so keenly for it, a sloppy rhythm forming between them without them even thinking about it. Mondo had eventually pulled back, gasping that they had to get ready, but promising that they would finish this /later/. His eyes had been on fire, full of desire and /lust/ and Taka knew his eyes had been full of an answering heat, an answering desire that he felt so acutely he'd wanted to combust with it. It had been agony to have Mondo pull away from him and head to the bathroom to start his morning routine, but he'd held it in. He refused to be the kind of person who allowed himself to be so lost in desire that he forgot about all other things.

Still...

It had been hard waiting all day for what he knew they would do later. The anticipation had been strong within him, and anytime his eyes had met Mondo's, the biker having an answering desire in his own eyes... ah. It had just grown.

And now, sitting here, waiting for Chihiro to tell them whatever it is she wants to tell them, this being the last responsibility he has for the rest of the day since he was released from patrol duties for the entire week due to his illness, he... well. As curious as he feels, and as much as he wants to support his friend... he can't deny that he is very much looking forward to this conversation being over with so that he and Mondo can go and /do things/ together...

And yet... and yet, it all makes him feel bad, in a way. And... and immoral. /Wrong/. There's a churning in his gut as he thinks of the closeness between him and Mondo, a churning that he so desperately wants to ignore and forget about, but... but he isn't sure he knows how. Because— no matter how much he's been enjoying living moment by moment, day by day— he can't forget that he's still so... messed up inside. Broken, in a way he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to fix. His conversation with his father had reminded him of this. His father and his concerns, asking him to be careful, to question whether or not his and Mondo's intentions /align/... and he can't help but realize they still /don't/. No matter how much heat and how much desire Mondo may or may not feel... their intentions and their ultimate goals still do not align. And... and while he trusts Mondo fully, he wonders... sometimes, he- he /wonders/ if... if /Mondo/ trusts-

But. This line of thought is unhelpful, isn't it? It's unhelpful and hurtful and /wrong/. Especially considering how this moment is not about /him/, it's about Chihiro, his /friend/. One of his dearest and closest friends.

And so— when he sees Chihiro stand and make her way shakily towards the front of the room, looking just as nervous as that morning, if not /more so/— Taka forces himself to snap to attention, pushing everything else down, since it isn't important at the moment. His foolhardy feelings, his stupid fears... they aren't important. Chihiro and the news she has to share... now that... /that/ is important. Not- not anything else.

Beside him, he can feel Mondo tense, the biker's body growing stiff as the young girl makes her way forward and stands before the class. Taka cannot help how he looks over at his friend, frown unbidden on his face. Is he... is he okay?

He can see that Mondo is frowning, eyebrows furrowed as he looks up at Chihiro, concern bright in his lavender eyes, which makes Taka's stomach /clench/, for some godforsaken reason. Why... why does it matter if Mondo is concerned for Chihiro? They are /friends/, after all. Friends and... and only friends. Mondo had promised him that they were. He'd /promised/. Mondo wouldn't lie about that, now, would he? Even if... even if they are /keeping secrets/ together...

And they are. Keeping secrets. Taka knows that. He's not stupid, after all. He can see it; can see the way they look at one another. The way they seem to converse through looks alone, never saying it aloud or letting anyone else in. And besides that, there had been that conversation that morning, soft and private, Taka being asked to leave, to not take part.

And he doesn't mind! People are allowed their privacy, he /knows this/, he does!

But... but he's always /hated/ secrets, hated how they would make him feel inside. Like he wasn't trusted. Like he wasn't /worthy/. Like he... he didn't belong. His parents had always been truthful to him, instilling in him the ideology that /honesty is the best policy/, and that deliberately hiding something from someone is just another form of lying. And Taka regretfully does do that, he hides things, but not from Mondo, not... not really, not... not fully. Not anymore.

But Mondo...

He is pulled from his thoughts once more when he hears Chihiro clear her throat at the front of the class, pulling all eyes to her, making her 'eep' quietly in fright. Taka watches as she cowers down, her hands clutching her dress tightly as she looks at them all with fear, shaking like a leaf, and Taka... he... Well. He wants to feel sympathy for her, wants to smile encouragingly at her and ask her if she's alright, but he still feels so cold inside from his previous line of thought that it takes him a moment to push it all aside enough to let rationality rush back in. And just when he's managed to do that well enough, when he is able to feel concern and smile encouragingly, and /be a good friend/, he... he sees Chihiro look over in his direction. And then... slip to his left...

He watches— heart numb— as Chihiro looks at Mondo, her eyes wide and scared and terrified, and stay there for several long, long moments. And Mondo is looking back, Taka doesn't even have to look at him to know he is. That he's smiling with /encouragement/, eyes soft with concern and worry and /support/, like they always are when they look at him, and Taka hates himself for the pain that fills him. Hates himself for the agony he feels inside.

Because he isn't the only person Mondo is allowed to be close to, is allowed to feel /concern for/, and he /knows that/, okay? He /knows/. He knows he's being ridiculous. Knows he's being selfish, knows he's being /possessive/, and he hates it, but... but how can he make it go away? He's trying his best to trust Mondo— which he does, entirely!— but... but it's hard to believe him when he says he isn't involved with Chihiro when they look at one another like that, when they are close in a way that Taka isn't allowed to touch, isn't allowed to understand, and he just... h-he just...

Mondo is his best friend. He's told Mondo /everything/ about him, and the things he hasn't told verbally, he's said through deed. He's let Mondo into his life, entirely, even allowed him to listen to a conversation with his father, something that once was so /private/ and /sacred/ to him. He has left his heart and soul completely open for the biker to look at and peruse and touch, and... and whatever else the teen wants to do with it, and he wants Mondo to do the same for him, wants to see Mondo as fully as he lets Mondo see him, but... b-but...

There are things. Things that Mondo is /hiding/. Things that Mondo won't let him /see/, no matter what Taka does. Things that make Mondo so sure that Taka will leave him one day, despite how he promises that he, himself, would never leave Taka. There is a heaviness in Mondo's eyes when he looks at Taka sometimes that Taka cannot touch, no matter how hard he tries to prove himself to Mondo, to prove that he is trustworthy, that Mondo has nothing to fear from him.

And... and part of wants to force Mondo to talk about it, to ask him, beg him, get him to realize that Taka is /here/, that he will always /be here/, that... that Taka /loves him/, in every way, and that he'd be willing to remain friends despite that if Mondo would just /trust him/-

And it's hard. Hard to push away the worry inside. The pain. The feeling of rejection. He's given all of himself to Mondo; has already given him his whole heart and soul, is willing to give him his entire body, too, if he just asks. And while Mondo gives him a lot in return, it's not everything. And Taka feels so selfish for wanting it all, wanting everything, but he- he can't... he can't help it.

And he wonders. Sometimes. Wonders if Mondo has... if he had told his /secrets/ to... t-to...

To Chihiro.

They are close, after all! Not... not nearly as close as he and Mondo are, but maybe- maybe... maybe he /trusts/ her more. Maybe he's able to tell his secrets to a /girl/, but not a boy. Maybe... m-maybe... maybe he trusts her more, because he /loves her more/, because she is a /girl/, and Taka is a /boy/, and there just are some things you can tell the person you are /in love with/ that you can't tell a person you just /love/.

And he hates it. Hates the thoughts, hates the fear, but as he watches Chihiro look at Mondo, her wide eyes relaxing at whatever she sees in Mondo's, a small smile rising on her lips, a confident set to her shoulders that she'd not had a moment before... he... he can't help the way his stomach churns. Can't help the tightness in his throat that has nothing to do with the flu he's gotten over. Can't help the pressure behind his eyes, his breathing falling a little out of rhythm when Chihiro looks away from Mondo, her confidence returned, gaining a strength from Mondo that the biker gave so freely. He... he can't... he just...

Mondo wants him. He- he /knows this/. Mondo loves him. He knows this, too.

But does Mondo /trust/ him? Is Mondo /in love/ with him?

He... he doesn't know. He just... he doesn't know.

And he just-

He's pulled from his thoughts yet again when Chihiro finally begins to speak, her voice shaking and wavering, but still there, still pushing onward. Taka tries his best to push down everything that is roiling inside him, hating it so much, but he... he can't, he doesn't know how, he just has to hope that Chihiro can't read it on his face, that she- she doesn't know how horrible he is, how bad a friend he is, how... h-how...

"U-um... h-hi everyone... um... s-so, I asked you all to stay behind after class today because- b-because I have something t-to- t-to tell you all... a-and I know that it will make you all think differently about me, but I- I wanted to tell you. I'm tired of- of being so /weak/, and I want to... I want to tell you. All of you. I... I trust you guys. A-and... and I understand if you can't trust m-me, after this, but... but I want you all to know. I want to stop- s-stop /lying/. I- I..."

Chihiro pauses here, biting her lip harshly, looking like she's about to split it, her confidence shaken again. Taka's heart clenches tightly when she looks at Mondo again, eyes desperate and pleading. He can't help how he turns his face enough so he can see Mondo out of the corner of his eye, watching how the biker smiles encouragingly at her, giving the girl an enthusiastic thumbs up.

His heart numbs more when he sees her smile at the motion, visibly brightening at Mondo's encouragement, and /god/, is Taka a horrible friend. He... how can he be upset when Chihiro and Mondo are clearly happy together, clearly /friends/, maybe more, why- why can't he just /be happy for them, for once/, why... god, why...

Confidence restored, Chihiro takes a deep breath, straightening her shoulders, and looking out at them all with determination on her face, still looking mildly terrified, but also looking like she is going to go through with whatever it is she wants to tell them. And Taka wants to be supportive, wants to be a good friend, but he can't stop the harsh way his heart is twisting, all of the roiling emotions from the last week culminating at absolutely the wrong time and he just- he /wants/-

"Okay. S-so... um... okay. S-so- so, you guys all know how I... I always wear dresses and things like that? A-and how I... I wear makeup and- and act like... l-like... like a girl?"

Chihiro looks around the room then, the nerves back in her eyes, warring with the determination. Taka doesn't take his eyes off Chihiro— can't, actually— but he can hear the confused mutters, which barely registers to Taka, his heart simultaneously frozen and racing in his chest. He hates himself, hates how he /wonders/, how he fears. He wants to shove it all aside for Chihiro, wants to be a good friend, knows the girl is struggling /so much/ right now, but he... h-he...

"Um... well... here's the thing. I... I am..." Chihiro pauses again, eyes full of terror, before she takes one last steeling breath and looking up with determination. Her eyes are still facing forward, mouth a hard line, more determined and /stronger/ than he's ever seen her before.

And Taka waits, breath bated, as the girl opens her mouth, body shaking like a leaf but still standing tall, still standing there, and Taka doesn't know what she is about to confess, doesn't know why she looks so scared, but something about the look breaks through to him, and he feels /concern/ for the girl, for his friend, wanting to take away her pain and make her realize that it's okay. Even with the pain dully radiating through him, he can finally feel the concern he should have been feeling all along, the concern a good friend /should/ feel for their friend instead of the selfish pain. He watches Chihiro, wanting to tell her he supports her, but then-

But then she's speaking, the words echoing around the classroom, and they take a moment to register in Taka's brain, as sluggish as he feels. But then, the words rush in. Their meaning rushes in. And Taka-

"I am /not a girl/. I... I am a boy. I... I always have been."

Taka can feel his mind freeze, his breath halting in his chest, feeling so confused at the words, which are not at all what he had expected. He still has no idea /what/ he had expected but it... it wasn't that. The silence that echoes around the room is deafening as they all stare at their classmate, standing before them, confusion and lack of comprehension running rampant.

And Taka... Taka, he...

He has no idea what to think. In fact, he /doesn't/ think. He can't. For the first time in ages, his mind is completely blank as he stares at Chihiro, her (?) words echoing in his head but not entering his brain.

He... he... /what?/ Chihiro... she... /he/... w-what?

The silence stretches on for a while, so long it starts to get uncomfortable, and he can see the nervous way Chihiro is standing, can see how she— no, not she, not... not she— shuffles from one foot to the other, eyes big and watery like usual. And Taka knows he should stand up, knows he should take initiative, should speak, and break the tension, that's what a good friend— a good /class representative/— would do, but he's still uselessly frozen. His brain is sluggish, and he doesn't know how to wake it up. He isn't upset, he /knows/ he isn't upset, but he- he hadn't been expecting that and he can't seem to make himself do what he knows he has to, to fix the mess they all currently are in, and he just...

Taka doesn't know how much time passes in stunned silence, before it gets broken, Chihiro cringing back at the angry sounding voice.

"Wait... what?! Chihiro, what the hell are you talking about?!" Taka hears Leon shout, the former baseballer standing from his desk, his face completely pale and his eyes wide. Taka only knows this because he had automatically turned to look at him, his own eyes wide with shock. And Leon... Leon doesn't /look/ angry, not really, looks more confused than anything, but he sounds it. And...

And Taka can see how Chihiro flinches back, her— his?— face crumbling with heartbreak and devastation. Taka knows that she— he— had been growing closer to Leon recently, the former baseball player moving on from Sayaka and moving onto Chihiro, kind of. Taka doesn't know too much about their relationship, he's never been the kind of person to focus on things like that, but he knows they are friends, if nothing else. He can imagine that this is... very shocking to Leon. Heck, it's very shocking to Taka! He... he hadn't expected that... again, he doesn't know what he /had/ expected, but that... that...

Taka doesn't have time to even begin to come to grips with it all before he hears a slamming sound to his left, making his eyes dart over there, still wide, and he feels his heart stop at the look of absolute /rage/ on Mondo's face. Oh... o-oh no, Mondo is angry now, he... he isn't about to yell at- a-at Chihiro, is he? He knows they were close, this- this must be a shock to him, and Taka knows that Mondo gets /angry/ when he is shocked and when he's angry he /says things he doesn't mean/, and-

"Hey! Shut the fuck up, ya asshole! I don't give a single /fuck/ how shocked ya are, don't ya dare take it out on Chi! He just fuckin' told his deepest secret, an' I ain't gonna sit here as ya try an' make him feel like shit over it, ya fuckin' hear me, you goddamn assho-!"

"M-Mondo! T-that's enough! It... it's /okay/... I- I knew people were going to- to be /confused/ a-and u-/upset/, and... and I knew this was going to happen. I told you it would. But... but it's /okay/. I- I wanted to do it anyway. A-and I want to explain. I... I..."

Chihiro bites her— /his/— lip, looking over them all as he-/his/ hands ball into fists at /his/ side, the /boy/ looking so nervous, and afraid, and /sad/, but also so very, very /determined/, in a way that Taka has never seen the- the /boy/ be before. And Taka... the shock is starting to wear off, rationality coming back in, and Taka... he...

"Shit... yeah, I know Chi. Was gonna let ya handle it yerself like ya asked, but just... /fuck/, man... just gotta say this one thing, then I'll stop, okay? So, listen up, ya chucklefucks. Chihiro Fujisaki is under the protection a' the Crazy Diamonds. Anyone— anyone at all— who has a problem with him? Has a fuckin' problem with /me/. An' I fuckin' assure ya, ya don't wanna have a problem with /me/, got it?!"

Mondo's eyes dart around the room then, landing on everyone in it, though they slide over Taka without notice. And Taka... he...

/He realizes that Mondo knew. He knew, Chihiro had told him, and Mondo had known about this all before today/.

And Taka... Taka...

Taka watches with a numb heart as Chihiro smiles softly at Mondo, his eyes grateful in a way that stabs Taka through his heart for reasons he cannot explain. He... he's spent so long worrying about Mondo and Chihiro's friendship, worried that they were secretly /dating/, because Mondo is a /boy/ and he'd thought Chihiro was a /girl/, and so having that be turned so utterly on its head is making him- him feel... he doesn't even know. He isn't upset with Chihiro, he knows that, but his mind is scrambled again, and he doesn't know what to think, and he knows now that Chihiro is a /boy/ and that Mondo /knows this/, but... but... but /what if Mondo is still in love with him? What if he wants to be closer to the boy, finding him more attractive, more attainable, more... m-more... m-m-more.../

"T-thank you, M-Mondo... I- I really am glad to have you as a friend... I never- never could have done any of this without you..."

Mondo snorts at that, shaking his head, grinning at the boy brightly, though it looks a little strained.

"Ya fuckin' kiddin' me?! I ain't done shit! This is all you, Chi. Yer the one who had the fuckin' balls ta tell yer secret, man, not me. I just did what any fuckin' friend would do. Yer the one who did all the rest. Fuckin' proud a' you, man."

Taka watches as Chihiro /beams/, cheeks pink as he looks at Mondo through his eyelashes, biting his lip gently, a look Taka has seen before. A look that makes him nervous. A look that makes Taka's stomach roil again, more so when he sees Mondo grin brightly again before taking a seat, though his eyes never leave Chihiro. Taka... Taka can't help the pain. He wants to, /god/ does he want to, but...

He truly is a horrible friend...

"O-oh... s-still. /Thank you/. U-um... I know I still have to explain though, s-so... here goes."

Chihiro takes another deep, steeling breath, and begins his tale.

"I was born a boy. I mean... biologically. And mentally. I always felt like a boy, even when people would... w-would tease me, call me a girl... I- I've always been weak, y-you know? Fragile... I- I cry too easily, and I've always been small, and dainty, and... and all of the other boys would tease me. Say I didn't- didn't /belong/. That I... I was /wrong/. I never liked it. I felt like a boy, and I /was/ a boy, but... but no one really saw me as one. They thought I was too weak to be a boy. And... a-and they... they would hurt me, sometimes. A lot. I-it got so bad that- that when my dad moved us away for his job, I... I... I figured it would be better. I-if I... if I were a girl. People... people wouldn't tease me about being small and weak anymore. They... they wouldn't think I was /wrong/ anymore... I could- could be a girl and- a-and people... people wouldn't know any different."

Chihiro pauses here, before looking down at his shoes, scuffing the ground lightly as he fidgets.

"But... but /I/ knew different. I knew that I... t-that I wasn't... wasn't a girl. I wanted to be, wanted to- t-to feel like one. I thought it would be safer... b-but I've learned a lot about, um... transgender struggles and stuff like that recently, looking it up online, s-so I know now that it wouldn't be, but... but if I never told anyone, I thought... I thought maybe...

"But I never could get myself to see myself like that. Like a... like a girl. I was a /boy/, and I... I knew that. And I don't mind dressing up in dresses and makeup and things like that, I kinda like it, s-sometimes, but... but I'm not a girl. I'm /not/. And I hated pretending otherwise, h-hated lying to people, even though I stopped calling myself a girl to other people a long time ago, and people just- just /assume/ now, but... but I'm not.

"But by the time that I realized I didn't like pretending anymore, m-my work, a-as a programmer, it... it started to get noticed. A-and then I- I was invited- invited here, and people all thought I- I was a /girl/, s-so I couldn't stop pretending. A-and... and it always hurt, looking at myself in the mirror and not seeing /me/, not... not how I v-viewed myself, but I- I thought it was safer if no one knew. I know... I- I know what happens to transgender people when they- t-they come out a-a-and I d-didn't... I didn't want to- to be bullied again, or attacked, and I was so /afraid/, a-and weak, and... and I..."

Chihiro pauses again as he hiccups with a sob, tears streaming down his face as he looks at his shoes, looking so scared it finally breaks through the fog, and Taka... Taka can feel the ice in his heart melt at the look, the churning feeling lessening as concern and affection for his friend rushes in. Because... because no matter what, Chihiro is his /friend/. It doesn't matter what is going on between him and Mondo, they could be passionately in love for all it should matter to him. Taka cares about Chihiro, no matter what his gender identity is, and he won't let anything get in the way of that. Nothing!

Chihiro starts talking again before Taka can even hope to say anything, his words making his heart ache silently with residual pain, but he doesn't care. He ignores it and smiles as brightly as he can, hoping he looks welcoming should Chihiro ever look up at them again.

"But... but a few weeks ago, the day before the history exam, some guy was- was trying to get me to go on a date with him, and he wouldn't let me say no. And- a-and Taka, h-he tried to defend me, but then the bully was just mean to him, a-and I couldn't... c-couldn't do anything to stop him. And then Mondo was there, and he was so /strong/, a-and /brave/, and I wanted to... t-to be like that. Strong, for once... s-so after the study session Taka led, I... I went up to Mondo and asked if I... if I could talk to him. And he said yes, s-so I took him to an empty classroom and... a-and I told him. I- I thought he'd get angry, or be mean, but he... he hadn't. H-he... he looked confused, and a little upset, b-but... but he didn't hurt me... he just apologized and said that he had to think about it, and that he'd get back to me later. And then... t-the next day, he told me he was okay with it and that... t-that he wanted to help me. That we could train together, so I could get stronger. A-and... and so we did."

Chihiro pauses yet again, before looking up, his eyes sparkling as he looks at Mondo, smile shaky and weak, but still present. And Taka... Taka pushes down the /pain/. He will be a good friend. He /will/.

"And after that, w-we would go to the boy's exercise room at night, an hour before curfew started, and Mondo would put an 'out of use' sign on the door, and we would... w-we would train. It was really, really hard at first... I- I wanted to give up, thinking I- I would never- never get stronger... b-but Mondo encouraged me to- t-to keep going, that I- that I could do it, and h-he... he helped me keep going. And... and he told me I didn't have to do this, that I didn't have to tell y-you all. That I could be strong while still- s-still hiding, but I didn't want to. Not anymore. You... y-you guys are all my friends, and I... I don't wanna lie anymore. Not... not even if you all hate me now. I- I know I could have- h-have told you all- all indiv-individua- individually, b-but I- I didn't know if I cou-could do that... t-telling Mondo had been s-so... so hard... b-but I wanted you all to know. I... I /want/ you all to- to know... even if... if you hate me..."

Chihiro is crying harder now, his chest heaving with the sobs, and Taka can't help how much he feels for the boy. After all... he understands /exactly/ what the boy is going through. While Taka has never gone so far as to have to dress as a different gender to stop the bullying, he has, at one point or another, changed quite a lot about himself in order to try and fit in. To get... to get the bullies to stop. To feel like he /belonged/, for once.

In fact... aha... it's funny. It was /Mondo/ who had helped him realize he didn't have to pretend to be something he's not, too. The thought makes him smile, even with the pain that burrows into his chest at the comparison. But that doesn't matter. All it does is prove how /amazing/ a person Mondo is. That he's able to help people so easily, being so supportive despite everything... he's so lucky that Mondo decided to use that overwhelming kindness to help him out, truly. He will... will always be grateful to the teen for how he has helped him...

After a few moments of silence, it becomes clear that Chihiro is done talking, the boy looking at the ground again, biting his lip gently as he fiddles with his dress. The silence becomes oppressive as people stare at him, varying degrees of intense shock still written on their faces, but not really anger or disgust. And Taka doesn't even have to look at Mondo to know that he's still angry, his tension radiating out of him in waves as he scowls at their classmates in turn. But the biker doesn't try and interject again, and Taka knows that something has to happen, and soon. Confusion and shock can lead down two very different paths, depending on what set of circumstances are involved. And Taka... Taka knows that someone has to take charge before the silence consumes them all, turning them down the darker road. And Taka...

Taka knows what he has to do.

And so— smiling as brightly as he can, shoving down any hint of confusion or shock or lingering /pain/— he stands. And then, once Chihiro's eyes are on him, wide as saucers and brimming with tears... he speaks.

"Well! I, for one, accept you entirely as you are, Chihiro! You are who you say you are, and nothing matters more than that! I will support you no matter what, as you are my friend, and I care about you very much! Anyone who cannot see things this way is- is not worth your time! And if anyone tries to bother you about this, I will most definitely be giving them a detention for disrupting the peace!"

Taka grins brighter then, hoping his sincerity is making it through. That Chihiro can see how much he means the words. Because he does. He does. He truly... truly does. Chihiro's gender does not matter to him, not any more than that he knows it's important to the boy, and so it's important to him, too. At the very least to gender him properly, as he would hate to misgender anyone, let alone a friend! But other than that... Taka doesn't care if he is a boy, a girl, both, or neither. He is /Chihiro/, and that is all that matters to Taka. Everything else is just... set dressing.

And part of him wants to march up to the boy and wrap his arms around the boy, telling him that it's okay, that he truly doesn't mind, but... but he doesn't want to potentially harm Chihiro or make him nervous or uncomfortable, so he stays where he is and settles for a bright smile, taking a seat after a moment.

And... and judging by the shaky smile Chihiro gives him, his eyes bright with a rising happiness, Taka... Taka hopes he had managed to achieve his goal.

"T-Taka... t-thank you..." Chihiro whispers, his smile getting wider the longer he looks Taka in the eyes. After a few seconds he looks away, the smile fading somewhat, but the happiness in his eyes doesn't go away. Not fully. Not even when he turns his eyes back to the class as a whole, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from his face. "Um... okay. So... s-so if anyone has any questions, you can ask... don't worry about being rude, I- I want- I want to... I wanna make sure you all understand, since I know it's kind of confusing... s-so, feel free to ask me anything, now or- o-or later..."

He looks around again at that, still determined, waiting to see if anyone has anything to ask. And, after a few seconds...

"Um... s-so... I- I don't want to be rude! But, um... are you... are you transgender? I know you mentioned it, but I- I don't know if I understand... but I want to! I support you, Chi, like Taka said! One hundred percent! But, um... I wanna make sure I don't mess up, since I'm still learning about this stuff, and I know it can hurt when people misgender you and stuff," Hina states hesitantly, worrying her lip as she looks at Chihiro, clearly not wanting to upset or offend the boy. Chihiro doesn't look offended, though, and actually seems to look a little happy that someone finally asked a question.

"O-oh! Um... no, no I'm not. I was born a boy, and I still am a boy, s-so... so I'm not transgender... I- I did wonder if I was, a-at one point, but I realized being a girl didn't really feel... um... right to me. I- I'm not gender fluid either, or nonbinary, t-though I have nothing a-against people who- who are! Just, um... it's not me. I'm a boy. I feel like a boy. And I... I was born a boy, too. And I- I don't mind wearing dresses and stuff, I kinda like it, but... but I don't like people calling me a girl. Not- not really... i-it's one of the reasons why I never spend much time around the girls here... um... I just don't really feel like I- I fit... a-and I didn't want girls to t-think I was trying to trick them... s-sorry..."

Hina shakes her head frantically, looking almost distressed.

"Oh! No, you don't have to be sorry! It's okay! I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us, Chi! And I don't think any different of you either, I promise!"

Chihiro smiles brightly once more at the swimmer's words, and then it's like the floodgates have broken and an outpour of support and nice words comes pouring in from nearly everyone. Makoto grins brightly and says that he's okay with it, too, and Sakura commends Chihiro for his bravery, saying that he is very strong indeed, and Sayaka says that she doesn't mind at all and offers to go shopping for dresses with him, if he still wants to wear dresses, or else go suit shopping, if he doesn't. Even Hifumi and Hiro offer well meaning— if a little clueless— words. Heck, even /Togami, Fukawa, and Ikusaba/ say something, Togami blandly stating that the gender of a classmate doesn't bother him much and if Chihiro says he's a boy, then he doesn't really care, while Fukawa scowls but ultimately says that she's okay with it, she guesses. Ikusaba just shrugs and says it isn't her business what is in Chihiro's pants. Ludenberg just giggles and says that it doesn't bother her, making an offer to play a game together some time, and Kyoko shrugs and is very mysterious about it, which makes Taka think she already suspected.

In fact, the only person who doesn't really say anything at all is Leon, the former baseballer still looking very confused and a little upset, but once everyone else goes and they turn to him— not meaning to pressure him but just curious— Taka sees him flush an angry shade of red, looking highly uncomfortable, but when he speaks, his voice isn't angry. It's just low and mumbling, and a little uncertain, but mostly genuine.

"Uh... damn. I, uh... shit. I can't say I understand, Chi, but, uh... okay. Ya say you're a boy, then I guess you're a boy... still my friend either way. Can't say I won't mess up and call ya the wrong gender, but, uh... I give ya permission to hit me if I do. Okay?"

Chihiro looks about ready to cry again once it's all over, tears bright in his eyes, but he manages to keep them down as he gives them a wobbly smile. Taka feels a rush of affection for the young boy and feels a determination to protect him from anyone who might try and harm him rise inside his heart. He has always enjoyed Chihiro's company and wanted to protect him, but... but now more so than ever.

Because Mondo... Mondo was right. The amount of courage it must have taken to confess his secret like this, to the entire class no less... it's astronomical. And Taka will not allow anyone to harm him, especially not because of his gender and their perception of what masculinity might be. Taka already has some vague ideas of articles and resources to share with Chihiro to help him understand that there is nothing wrong with him and his gender identity, no matter how he wishes to present, though he doesn't know if such things would be appreciated. He'll have to ask the boy, he supposes... he'll have to ask the boy quite a lot if he wants to ensure he is as respectful as possible! And do a lot of research in his spare time, to ensure that Chihiro is respected fully and completely, by everyone at the school! It is only right!

After that, it's not long until Chihiro calls the unofficial meeting to a close, giving everyone a watery thanks and smiling brightly. As they leave, pretty much everyone walks up to Chihiro and says something private to the boy, either hugging him (Hina, Makoto, and Sayaka), giving him a firm handshake (Sakura and Togami), giving him a mysterious smile (Ludenberg, Kyoko, and Ikusaba), or some other show of support. Even Fukawa awkwardly pats Chihiro on the shoulder as she heads out, looking decidedly uncomfortable, but somehow still wanting to show her support.

Taka remains where he is, staring down at the desk, doing his best to push down the roiling emotions inside of him. Because while he knows that he supports Chihiro one hundred percent, he still... he hadn't seen this coming. Not at all. And he'd let his own insecurities blind him to Chihiro's struggle. He... he should have noticed, he feels. That he... that Chihiro... he should have been able to notice /something/. That he was struggling. That he had a secret that was crushing him. /Something/.

But he hadn't. He hadn't noticed, hadn't let himself look, because he'd let jealousy and envy overtake him, consume him, and he hates himself so keenly in that moment for allowing such a foolish thing to happen. He... he is the /Ultimate Moral Compass/... he should- should be /above/ such petty things... he doesn't have a 'talent' like all of his friends, doesn't have a natural aptitude for anything, has gotten everything he has through hard work and effort. Like he should! But he... he can't afford to keep letting himself slip like this... letting these negative, harsh, cruel emotions overtake him and- and make him into some /monster/, angry and bitter and- a-and...

Because he can still feel it. The jealousy. The way his stomach churns when he sees Mondo stand, once everyone else has gone, and approach Chihiro. The way the biker engulfs the young programmer in his arms, ruffling his hair, saying how '/fuckin' proud'/ he is of the boy. The way Chihiro flushes and looks up at Mondo with bright eyes, his smile /adoring/ and sweet, and Taka... Taka hates himself for the pain that hits his heart at the look. At how Mondo looks back with affection and pride. It... he...

Because it's unbecoming. To feel jealousy. To be bitter at other's happiness and fortune. If he were truly as /moral/ as he claims, he- he'd /never/ feel like this. He'd never let himself burn with jealousy and bitterness and- and pain, pain, /pain/. He'd be happy for them, even if they do decide to get together. That's the /moral/ thing to do. The upright and stalwart thing to do. That's what his mother would have expected from him, what his father still expects. To have grace in rejection and still be able to be friends with and help those who rejected him. He... he should...

And he /will/. Okay? He... he /will/. He- he won't let himself be bogged down by jealousy any longer. He- he will be /happy/ for his friends, no matter- n-no matter what! He- he will support them and be there for them, a-and be as moral as he's tricked the school into believing him to be! He will do better— /be better/— because- because he /has to/. Sometime over the last few months he has allowed himself to grow complacent. Has allowed himself to relax from the strict morality he /has/ to have. H-he has let himself get consumed by /desire/ and /heat/ and /lust, lust, lust/, forgetting that such emotions are empty and shallow. That they only ever lead to heartache and hurt, for all parties involved. Moral people never let themselves lose themselves in their desires. Not like Taka has. Forgetting everything but desire and lust and /want/... s-since when has he allowed himself to /want/ things, anyway? Whoever told him he's /allowed/ to /want things/?!

/Mondo/... his mind whispers softly to him, his hands shaking as he watches Mondo and Chihiro talk quietly, Mondo looking down at the boy with the softness Taka once dared to imagine belonged only to him. Mondo told him he was allowed to want, to desire, to /crave/, but he's /wrong/. Taka... Taka isn't allowed any of those things. None of it.

Because...

Because he's wrong inside. Twisted. /Worthless/. And he sees now it has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with /him/. He's the one who is wrong. He is the one who deserves /nothing/. He... he's the one who takes and takes and takes and takes and never /gives/ anything. Not anything worthwhile. His time. His energy. His devotion. What value do those things have? Has he truly let himself believe anything he has to offer holds any value whatsoever? He... h-he...

No. No, no, no. He can't let himself keep slipping. Keep /growing complacent/. He won't end up like his grandfather, he /refuses/. Even his father sees it in him, the complacency. The potential in him to /fall/ and fall hard. He has to work one thousand times— no, /one million times/— as hard to show that he is worth anything, anything at all. He's always known that, god, when did he allow himself to /forget/? To... to forget his goal, his plan, his... his everything? Does he truly think Mondo will ever love him? Trust him? How can he, when Taka is so pathetic and unlovable, incapable of being the moral person he pretends to be? Of course Mondo doesn't trust him! He is untrustworthy! He masquerades as a Moral Compass, when he isn't, not at all! He... h-he...

He stands, when he sees Chihiro look over at him, his head tilted, and he smiles brightly. He pushes all of the /useless/ emotion out and walks up to the pair, heart clenching when Mondo pulls back and wraps an arm around his waist, kissing his cheek gently as he stops before them.

"Heya, Kiyo. Just talkin' ta Chi here, congratulatin' him on bein' so fuckin' brave right now. Fuckin' proud a' him, even if I ain't done shit 'bout it. All him, man. All him."

Taka pushes down, down, /down/ the spike of pain when Chihiro frowns softly at Mondo, shaking his head while looking at the biker with adoring eyes.

"N-no, M-Mondo... w-while I will concede that a lot of this was m-me... I never would have gotten here w-without you... y-you... you've really helped me, you know? A-and... and I think you're really- really incredible..."

Taka bites his lip, hating himself for his pain— hating how /weak/ and /immoral/ he is— when Mondo scoffs, smiling down at Chihiro kindly, even as he tightens his hold on Taka.

"Ya fuckin' kiddin' me? Yeah, ya could a'. Yer incredible, Chi, ya hear me? Ya can do anythin' ya put yer mind ta. Confessin' yer secret like this... more balls than I have, I'll tell ya that! I ain't gonna fight ya on this, but just... know that what ya did here? Ain't nothin'. People twice yer size wouldn't have the strength ta do this shit, let alone ta the entire class. An' that's all on you, man. Not on me. So, uh... yeah. I'll leave ya an' Taka alone ta talk, if ya'd like. I'll wait outside fer ya, Kiyo, okay? Got... got somethin' ta tell ya, when yer- yer done here... heh..."

With those somewhat ominous words, Mondo kisses Taka's cheek again, before removing his arm and heading for the door, but not before giving Chihiro one last bright smile and a fist pump. Taka watches him leave, eyes wide and almost afraid, only turning back to Chihiro when the boy clears his throat a little. Taka can't help how he jerks his head over to Chihiro, eyes still wide and somewhat upset. His heart clenches when he sees Chihiro flinch, the boy's face crumbling as he bites his lip and looks at the ground. Oh... oh no, he... he did it again, he let his emotions consume him and now- now Chihiro is in pain and it's /all his fault/... oh no...

"U-um... T-Taka... are you... are you okay? Um... with... with everything? B-because-! Because it's okay, i-if you're not! I don't... I don't mind... I- I know this was a- a lot and I... I know I should have told you, y-you're one of my best friends, b-but... I- I... I'm sorry... I... I wasn't strong enough. I..."

Taka shakes himself out of the funk he's fallen back into, pushing it all back as he smiles brightly, putting a firm yet gentle hand on the young boy's shoulder, hoping he looks encouraging and not awful, like he truly is.

"Chihiro, no! Please do not think that, not at all! You were very brave for confessing what you did here today, and I only have full respect and affection for you! M-Mondo is right, y-you- you truly are /incredible/! I do not mind that you did not tell me earlier, you did not owe me such a thing! I meant what I said, and I will always support you, no matter what! Because you are my friend and I care about you! And- and if you would like, I can find you some resources with more information about gender identity and presentation! As well as links to forums for support groups! If you would like, of course! I apologize if I am out of line!"

Taka watches with a sinking heart as Chihiro's eyes widen, the boy looking nervous. Taka immediately removes his hand, knowing he'd messed up, god, of course Chihiro doesn't want him to touch him, how dare he assume- a-and how dare he assume that he could provide resources that Chihiro does not already have? H-he is a smart young man, far smarter than /Taka/ is, he- he can find his own resources, better than Taka could, god, why does he keep doing this, giving useless things that /no one wants/-

"O-oh! I- I would appreciate that, Taka! I've been... been trying to find information about all of this, but... but I never know where to look... I- I don't want to hurt anyone, s-so I want to know how to present myself in a- a way that... that doesn't hurt people... a-and thank you... for... for your support... I- I'm still sorry, though... for not telling you- you earlier..."

Taka can see tears gathering in Chihiro's eyes and he feels so /useless/. God, how pathetic is he? He can't even- even comfort his friend, can't do /anything/, how worthless... how pathetic... no wonder Mondo likes Chihiro more, he's so strong and brave, while Taka is only /weak, weak, weak, weak/-

"A-ah! C-Chihiro! Do not cry! Y-you have nothing to apologize over! I- I am the one who should apologize! That you... that you did not feel comfortable telling me! It is something I will work on so that you are sure that I will always support you! Always!"

Chihiro looks up at him at that, eyes watery, and the boy smiles, and it makes Taka feel cold inside. He... he doesn't deserve his smile, doesn't deserve... deserve /anything/, he... h-he...

"O-oh... oh, thank you, Taka... you're so nice to me... b-but it- it wasn't that I didn't feel comfortable around you... i-it's that I didn't feel comfortable around /me/, and I... I didn't want to make anyone else uncomfortable too... b-but M-Mondo helped me realize that it- it's /okay/. To... to be me..."

Chihiro pauses here, looking down at the ground briefly, before looking up at Taka, eyes bright with unshed tears, but still looking determined, nonetheless.

"Mondo really is... is a good friend... I'm lucky to know him... a-and he- he really cares about you, you know? When we... we were training together... more often than not he would talk about you, a-about how... how proud he is of you, a-and- and how he... how he admires you... he would always take a break to- t-to text you, w-whenever he had something he wanted to tell you... which was often... h-he really cares about you a lot... y-you're very lucky..."

Taka's stomach clenches yet again at the boy's soft words, something sharp stabbing him in his heart. H-he... he is lucky, isn't he...? So, so lucky... and yet he's so ungrateful, so very, very ungrateful... wanting more than what he has been given... wanting /everything/ when he deserves /nothing/... wanting Mondo to trust him when he hasn't /earned/ Mondo's trust... one day people will notice that... Mondo will notice that... and his /luck/ will run out and he... he will be /alone/... like he... like he /deserves/...

"T-thank you, Chihiro... I- I know... I know I am very, very lucky..."

Chihiro smiles sadly at him, nodding his head quickly.

"Y-you deserve it, Taka... y-you're a really nice person... I- I'm glad that you and Mondo have each other... you guys are good together... he really likes you, Taka... a-and I know you like him..."

Taka breathes heavily at the words, looking down, unable to keep looking at Chihiro. He... he knows how obvious he is, but he... Chihiro, he... he's wrong, about Mondo... Mondo doesn't- doesn't like him... not like Taka likes Mondo... he... h-he...

"U-um... I will let you go, Taka... s-so you and Mondo can... can be together..."

Taka bites his lip and shakes his head slowly, not sure what he's denying, just... just knowing that he... h-he...

"W-we're not... n-not together... w-we're just... just friends..."

Chihiro is staring at him, and Taka can feel his face flushing brightly. Oh... why had he said that, how foolish... Chihiro hadn't meant it /like that/, he- he hadn't meant... Taka shouldn't assume things, oh god...

"O-oh... if you say so, Taka... b-but... I think that you guys would make a- a good... a good couple. If you... i-if you... if you wanted..."

Taka looks at Chihiro with wide eyes, breathing shallow and wavering, and he doesn't know why he feels so /afraid/, suddenly... he isn't sure he and Chihiro are having the same conversation and he feels very confused, and his stomach hurts, and he just... he wants to go and... and not have to have this conversation and he feels like such a bad friend but he just... he doesn't... he /can't/...

"U-um... y-you can go now if you'd like... I- I wanted to do some things here... b-before I left..."

Taka nods his head sharply, smiling shakily again, taking the hint. He wants to say something, do something, but he doesn't know what to say, what to do, if Chihiro would ever want him to say /or/ do anything... so he just stiffly turns and exits the classroom, his eyebrows unintentionally furrowed, back ramrod straight. He doesn't know why he feels so wrong inside, his stomach clenched and angry. Just... Chihiro, thinking he and Mondo are... are what they're /not/... when- when Mondo and him... Mondo and Chihiro...

Unless... unless they aren't? Maybe- maybe Taka is just exaggerating things again, seeing things that aren't there, being /ridiculous/, but- but he... he doesn't know, and he can't ask Mondo, Mondo will be upset, and he- he can't... h-he can't...

"Hey, Kiyo. Ya... shit, are ya doin' okay? Ya look a little upset..."

Taka can't help the way he jolts when he feels warm arms wrap around his waist. His eyes dart up and meet Mondo's and he sees the way they instantly cloud with worry, Mondo pressing their foreheads together, lifting one hand to tenderly cup his cheek, the other snaking tighter around his waist to press against his lower back, pulling them flush together. T-they... they're in the middle of the hallway, anyone could see them, anyone- a-anyone could see, why... why is Mondo...

"Shit, Kiyo... what's wrong, man? Did somethin' happen with Chi? Shit... I'm sorry I didn't tell ya, I wanted ta, really, but it wasn't my secret ta tell... an' I wasn't gonna out Chi like that, not without his consent, shit... but, uh... y'ain't got a problem with it, do ya? I know ya got all those plans, ta help the, uh... what is it, LGBT... uh, Q... IA... somethin' somethin'? So, uh..."

Taka blinks at the words, the meaning cutting through his worry momentarily. Shaking his head shortly— not enough to dislodge Mondo— he frowns at the biker, whose mouth is twisted and tight.

"Decidedly not! I have no problems with Chihiro or his gender! I will respect him no matter what! I meant what I said earlier, after all!"

And he did! He does! No matter what is going on inside of him right now... he knows he will always respect and care about Chihiro. The tightness on Mondo's face vanishes with his words, the softness returning. But then he's frowning again, the concern even stronger than before.

"Uh, okay... good. Didn't think so. But then... the fuck is wrong? And don't ya try an' bullshit me that nothin's wrong. I know ya, Kiyo. Yer upset 'bout somethin', an' ya weren't 'fore Chi's thing. Is it... is it yer da or somethin'?"

Taka bites his lip, wanting to look away, but Mondo's steady hold on his cheek prevents that. Sometimes... sometimes he really wishes Mondo couldn't read him so well... or that he was better at hiding his emotions...

"N-no... n-nothing like- like that... Mondo, i-it's nothing, l-lets drop it, okay? Want to... d-do you want to go back to our room?"

He hopes that Mondo can see in his eyes that he doesn't want to talk about this, especially not in public. And he thinks that Mondo does, sees how the biker's eyes soften, but then-

"Shit, Kiyo... yeah, I would, but we gotta talk 'bout this, man... I hate seein' ya in pain, an' I could tell somethin' was on yer mind earlier, in class. 'Fore Chi told his secret. Ya looked spooked 'bout somethin', but I hadta be there for Chi, an' I... s-shit..."

Mondo stops talking abruptly and gives Taka a long, lingering look. It makes Taka want to squirm, feeling so /naked/ under the gaze, more so than he ever has around the biker, even when he /actually has been naked/, and he... he just...

"Shit. Fuck. God fuckin' dammit. I... shit. Okay, feel free ta hit me if I'm off base here, but this... this don't have nothin' ta do with that thing ya were upset 'bout a couple weeks ago, does it? 'Bout... 'bout me an' Chi? 'Cuz I /told ya/, Kiyo, that ain't a fuckin' thing, I don't... s-shit... ya don't really think that, do ya?"

Taka can feel Mondo's eyes on him still, looking at him, through him, and he feels frozen. How... how did Mondo know that, how- is he truly so transparent? Is he so /pathetic/ that Mondo can read him so easily? Can see how immoral and wrong he is? He should be better at hiding things like this... he... he shouldn't be as pathetic as this... he doesn't deserve Mondo's care, his affection, /Chihiro would be able to appreciate it, to understand him, to love him unconditionally-/

"Shit. That... that's really fuckin' it, ain't it? Yer, what... jealous or somethin'?"

Taka flinches back at the words, trying to pull out of Mondo's hold, but the biker is too strong. Mondo's arm tightens and suddenly Taka is /trapped, he's trapped, oh, god, he can't get out, he can't-/

"Holy shit... calm down man, it- it's okay... I ain't angry, just... c'mon Kiyo, breathe with me man... that's it, baby, c'mon... in an' out, ya've got this..."

Taka feels so pathetic as Mondo starts trying to get him to calm down, feeling like a failure for making Mondo do this /again/, but... but he does as Mondo says. He breathes deeply in time with Mondo, following his rhythm.

It doesn't take long for the panic swirling within him to calm somewhat, but he still feels horrible for everything, his lips wobbling and eyes wet. He sees Mondo look at him with such acute concern and he... he hates it...

"Kiyo, man... look. Chi is great, ya know? He's dorky an' nerdy an' he likes ta talk 'bout shit I ain't even close ta bein' smart enough ta figure out, but he's a good friend and I like hangin' 'round him. He... heh. He reminds me a' you, a little. But, Kiyo... he /ain't/ you. You... shit. Yer you, an' that's what I care 'bout. You, an' all the things that make ya up... that, uh... that's what matters most ta me. An' I ain't gonna stop bein' friends with Chi, promised him I'd help him with trainin' an' shit, so I can't break that, but... but it ain't nothin' more than that, Kiyo. He's just a friend ta me. A good fuckin' friend, but he ain't... he ain't nothin' more than that. He don't... he don't mean ta me what you do. He... shit..."

/And what do I mean to you, Mondo? What makes our friendship different?/ Taka thinks quietly to himself as Mondo looks at him, his eyes full of that mysterious emotion that Taka thinks he can finally, /finally/ place, but still does not understand, not really. Not... not really.

And then... then...

Mondo leans forward. And he buries his face in Taka's neck, lips kissing softly. /Right in the middle of the hallway/.

Grk!

"Yer so fuckin' special, Kiyo... so, so special... don't even have words ta tell you what you mean ta me... Chi is great an' all, but he ain't nothin' close ta you... not ta me. You... shit, Kiyo..."

Mondo bites his neck gently, making Taka gasp.

"Why... why don't we head back to our room an' I can show ya... s-show ya what ya mean ta me..."

Taka gasps again, his fingers tingling as he raises his hands absently and grasps Mondo's hips, needing to /touch/, to feel. Part of him wants to tell Mondo to /stop/, that they're in the middle of the hallway, that PDA is against the rules, but he's frozen. He is afraid of offending Mondo, of making him stop entirely, of scaring him away. And as much as he wants Mondo to stop, he wants him to continue a thousand times more. Wants to feel it, all of it, wants to /know/ how much Mondo... how much /he means/ to Mondo...

"Okay... o-okay..."

Mondo pulls back then, smiling softly at him, eyes liquid silver, and it's so much. Too much. Everything within him is swirling and churning and aching and burning and he wants to make it /stop/. Wants to smile and look forward to what Mondo is doing, but this /moment/ is bad, it hurts, and how can he keep living moment to moment when some moments are so, so bad? He doesn't know, he doesn't know, he hurts, and he doesn't want to and he /doesn't know/-

"But... s-shit. I, uh... I got somethin' ta tell ya first. Somethin'- somethin' ya gotta know. Told myself I'd tell ya; that if Chi can be strong, t-then so can I... so, when we get back to our room, I... I gotta tell ya somethin', an' it may make ya hate me, but I just... I just gotta do it man, I just... s-shit..."

Mondo pulls back then, his eyes wide as he looks at Taka, something akin to /desperation/ within them, and for some reason, Taka feels /afraid/, wondering what it is that makes Mondo look so scared, so desperate, so needy, but he also feels... he feels...

/Solace.../

Because Mondo... Mondo wants to tell him something. He wants to /tell him something/. Something important. Something that he thinks will /make Taka hate him/. And it's ridiculous, utterly ridiculous, Taka will never hate Mondo, but now... now he can /prove that/. He can prove himself to Mondo, show him through word and deed that he will /never leave him/, and maybe... maybe Taka, himself, will finally be able to tell the biker his last secret. The one he's told through deed but not word. Maybe he can finally put it to word, tell Mondo how much he... h-he...

And for the first time since this whole thing started, Taka finds himself smiling. Truly and fully. Because this is /good/. This is /trust/. And Taka... Taka can work with trust. He... he can.

"Okay, my dearest kyoudai! Okay!"

Taka wants to say more, to assure Mondo that nothing he says will make him hate the biker, but he doesn't want to alienate the teen before he even gets the chance to say anything! Mondo already looks a little taken aback at Taka's abrupt change in attitude, so he focuses on reeling it in, on not being /too much/, like he always is. He has no idea if he manages it or not, but at least Mondo is smiling again, letting out a little laugh as he snakes his arm around Taka's waist, gently pulling him along down the hallway until Taka takes the hint and walks confidently beside him, his stomach still swirling and churning, but this time he's buoyed by the knowledge that Mondo /trusts him/. He hopes. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

But it's all he's got, so... he'll have to take it.

Like always.

---

Ahhh. So, yeah. Lots happened here. The first part with Takaaki was not meant to be so long, I swear. It was supposed to be "Taka called his dad, it was rough, but in a different way for once. Mondo was there to pick up the pieces." But then I got writing. And Takaaki had his moment. And… yeah. I'm not sure why I added the recap, but I chose to keep it since I felt it may be helpful to have a bit of an overview of what's been going on in this story, considering how freaking long it is, ha.

I also had been getting sooo tired of the angst at this point, ha. I just want them to kiss darn it! Like, if you think y'all have been suffering, so have I. This story was never meant to be this long. T_T

Anyway, next chapter is a bit… spicy, ha. ;-) Given my busy schedule these days, I prolly won't write a summary unless asked. The explicit stuff can mostly be skipped, and anything major I will mention in the end tags. But next chapter is a fun one! Lots of progress for out boys. 3

(Also, Takaaki totally thinks Mondo is gay for his son. Ha. He's right, of course, but he's also under the false impression that his son is not also just as gay for Mondo. Ha.)

(Oh, I almost forgot. For the whole thing with Chihiro… well. I firmly believe that everyone can have their own opinion for Chihiro's gender identity, but this is my way of trying to make sense of the canon explanation for it all. I did my best to make it more inclusive and to bring up the possible problems and whatnot with it all. And I do think that it was a little soon for Chihiro to reveal his secret, but, well… in my original plan, Chi and Mondo were going to become friends earlier, before Taka and Mondo, even. All the way back when Mondo and Taka had their first tutoring session, which would be longer for Chi to comes to terms with revealing his secret. As it is written now, though, Chi and Mondo have been friends for less than a month, but… well. I needed this to occur, for a few reasons, so… yeah. Hope it doesn't seem too uncharacteristic!)