Nesta

This was nothing like when Nesta had gone down the steps for the first time, fueled by betrayal and rage. She was strong now, her muscles not even protesting as she flew down the stairs, making it to Valeris in record time.

Too much, she was feeling too much. Her mind couldn't process the storm of emotions that were ripping her apart. Stumbling through the city, crowds parted for her as she walked blindly along, not paying attention to where she was going.

Pain unlike anything she had felt in years was coursing through her, and it needed to get out. Her feet finally stopping, Nesta looked up, blinking at the brightly colored sign of the pleasure house she found herself in front of. She didn't hesitate before walking inside.

A few hours later, Nesta stumbled into the alley behind the pleasure house, her hand clutching that of a male's that she had never met before. They both were drunk, the male barely able to stand upright as she pulled him along into the dark. Nesta hadn't touched alcohol since before she and Cassian were mated, and now that streak was broken.

Hatred coursed through Nesta's veins. Hatred for Cassian, hatred for her family, hatred for the Mother, and hatred for herself. She needed a release, she needed to feel something else, anything else. The male dragged her up against a dirty wall, covering her with his body and kissing her sloppily. Nesta wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. It had been so dark in the pleasure house, she had barely been able to see the male's face, or him hers. Not that it mattered, she didn't care who he was, and vice versa. They were just looking for a few minutes of pleasure lost in a stranger's embrace.

Cassian's face swam before her eyes, but it only made her angrier. This was his fault, not hers. He broke his promise. He promised her forever. He told her he loved her. He lied.

Nesta wrapped her legs around the male's waist, and after some jostling he thrust into her, drawing a low moan from deep in Nesta's throat.

"Harder," she choked out, and the male obliged, his movements erratic. Pain and pleasure mingled in her body, and soon they were both crying out with their releases. Trembling, Nesta rested her head against the cool brick behind her, and the male blinked blearily into her face.

"By the Mother," he gasped, stumbling away. "You're...you're Nesta Acheron."

Nesta sneered at him.

"What of it?"

All color drained from the male's face.

"I'm dead," he muttered, horrified. "The general will kill me. Why did you do this?" he screamed before running away.

Nesta sunk to the ground, her knees tucking into her chest. Reality broke through her drunken haze as the male's words echoed through her head. Why did she do this? By the Cauldron, what had she done?

A sob ripped from Nesta's throat and she wrapped her arms around herself. She had betrayed Cassian in the worst possible way. She was a monster, a selfish, cruel monster.

Staying in the alley for a while longer, Nesta finally dragged herself to her feet and began to make her way back to the House. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, however, she knew there was no way she had the energy to walk back up them.

She supposed she could go to the river house for the night, but the thought of facing Feyre and Rhys put an end to that idea. Her life was over. There was no coming back from this. She had cheated on Cassian, their family would never forgive her.

Already Nesta could see the look of rage on Rhys' face, the horror and disgust on Azriel's, and the smug "I knew it" expression on Mor's when they would inevitably find out what she had done. And Amren...Amren loved Cassian even though they often butted heads. Amren would turn her back on Nesta, this time for good. This might even be too much for Feyre to forgive. And Emerie and Gwyn...they were her friends but they were Cassian's as well. They would surely abandon her now. It was over.

Sinking to her knees, Nesta slumped over onto the bottom step, tears flowing from her eyes. Exhaustion eventually took over and she fell asleep right there on the ground.

Nesta woke with the dawn, her head pounding and her entire body sore from her awkward sleeping position. As the memories from last night crashed into her, she let out a long groan. There was only one thing she could do. She had to tell Cassian, she had to be honest.

Even though he would truly hate her forever. But she owed him that much, owed him the truth. Slowly, she made her way up the stairs, this time her muscles aching with every step. When she finally reached the top, she was covered in sweat and filth, panting hard. Her throat was burning from want of water, and her head spun slightly. Swaying as she walked, Nesta walked into the dining room.

"Water," she gasped out to the House, but nothing happened. Nesta frowned. "Water, please."

No water appeared. Nesta swallowed hard. The House knew what she had done, and it apparently was not in a forgiving mood. Shaking, Nesta began to make her way to the hall but stopped when she saw Cassian standing there, taking in her appearance. He looked as exhausted as she felt, and he crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze finally resting on her face.

"Where were you?" he asked, his voice void of all emotion.

"I," Nesta choked, and began to cough. Cassian sighed.

"Water, please," he requested, and a glass appeared in his hand. Nesta stared at it, tears welling in her eyes as he offered it to her. Taking it, Nesta quickly downed the liquid while Cassian watched.

"Where were you?" Cassian repeated when she was done, as the glass vanished from Nesta's hand.

"Cassian, I'm so sorry," she choked out, tears flowing freely now. "I didn't mean to, but I was drunk, and pissed off, I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late."

Cassian stared at her, fear flickering on his face.

"What did you do?" he asked.

"I," she stopped, heart pounding in her head. She was about to destroy everything good in her life with her next words. There was no coming back, nothing she could do now. But she would take Cassian's rage, she deserved it, was prepared for it. It was time to face what she had done. "I fucked a male last night, in an alley behind a pleasure house."

Cassian's eyes widened, his entire body going rigid.

"I'm so sorry!" she gasped. "I don't know who it was, I didn't care. It didn't mean anything. I'm so sorry." Nesta's eyes drifted close, ready for the screaming to start.

But it never came. She heard the shuffling of feet, and when Nesta opened her eyes, Cassian was gone. He had simply walked past her to the balcony. Turning, she caught a glimpse of him as she took the skies, leaving her there alone.

Nesta wasn't sure how long she stood there, unmoving, but soon enough there was an explosion of power down in the city, and the mountain beneath her feet trembled.

A dark claw ripped at her mental shields, and Nesta winced as she lowered them, knowing what was coming.

You stay the fuck away from him, Rhy's voice roared in her head. Stay up in that House and don't you dare come looking for him until he is ready to face you. Do you understand me?

Yes, Nesta thought back, and Rhys slammed the connection down. Nesta collapsed to her knees and began to weep once more.

Cassian

He didn't go back to Valeris for three days. Rhys winnowed him to the Illyrian mountains where Cassian spent that time taking his anger out on anyone who dared cross him. Anyone who disrespected him, who sneered as he walked by, who showed him any attitude was met with a furry and brutality rarely witnessed from the powerful general.

His people knew him well enough to realize very quickly that something bad had happened, and they should steer clear or else face his wrath. On the first day, Mor and Azriel both showed up moments after Rhys had left, Azriel braving his deep hatred for the Illyrians to be by his brother's side. Cassian ignored them, unable to form words for what he was feeling.

A fae cheating on their mate. There was no greater humiliation or insult, and Cassian couldn't believe it had happened to him. Couldn't believe Nesta would hurt him like this.

On the second day, Cassian acknowledged Mor and Azriel's presence just long enough to tell them to go away. They resisted, and Cassian had to beg them to leave him be, to let him sort this out on his own. He was afraid if he let himself talk now, he would say something he regretted, something he couldn't take back. Thankfully, they listened to him, and Cassian went to sleep that night in his home in the mountains alone. On the third day, he awoke to the sound of movement in the kitchen. Groaning, he dragged himself into the room, ready to tell Mor or Azriel or whoever it was to fuck off. When Cassian saw Feyre sitting there, however, he froze.

"Hey Cas," she said sadly, a mug of tea clutched in her hand. "Have breakfast with me?"

Cassian swallowed, nodding mutely before sitting down at the small table across from her.

"Here, eat this," she pushed a plate with sausage and toast on it towards him, and Cassian hesitantly picked up a fork and knife to start eating.

His queen watched him carefully as he ate, sipping her tea.

"Rhys told me everything that's been going on," she said when Cassian was done. "I'm so sorry Cas, I should have realized something was wrong, then maybe this entire thing could have been prevented."

Cassian arched an eyebrow at her.

"It's not your fault your sister cheated on me, Feyre."

"I know, but," Feyre sighed, running her free hand through her hair. "I've made excuses for Nesta our entire lives, and I think I accidentally taught you to do the same. It's one thing for me to put up with her lashing out, but I never wanted that for you. I failed you Cas."

Cassian felt a pang of pity for Feyre, and he reached out, gently taking her hand in his.

"Don't be stupid," he said with a small smirk. "You have never failed me a day in your life. I'm the one who failed you. I stopped being a good friend to you the moment I thought I had a chance of making things work with Nesta."

"She's your mate," Feyre squeezed his hand, "her wellbeing always came first."

Cassian dropped her hand and leaned back with a sigh.

"You know, I don't think that word means as much as people think it does."

"What, mate?" Feyre asked, confused, and Cassian nodded.

"These last couple days I've gone back and forth, trying to figure out how this happened. Sometimes I blame Nesta, sometimes I blame myself, but I think I'm starting to realize," He dragged his gaze to Feyre's lovely face, "it's neither of our faults."

Feyre swallowed.

"You blame the mating bond?" she asked. "You think you and Nesta were wrong for each other from the start?"

"We knew we were each other's mates from the moment we met. It wasn't like you and Rhys, or Azriel and Gwyn, or Mor and Emerie. You guys fell in love then found out you were mates. You chose each other and were rewarded with the bond. Nesta and I were not given that choice, and I was such a desperate and lonely fool I dedicated everything I had to trying to make it work. Nesta didn't want the bond at all, she fought it every step of the way. Maybe she had the right idea back then."

Feyre bit her lip, thinking.

"You know she isn't going to let you go easily now, she will fight for you."

Cassian grunted.

"It's a little too late for that. If she was happy, she would have fought for us before we got to this point, but she didn't. She let us slip away. And I don't blame her for it. This was never about our happiness, it was about keeping each other alive so we could do what we had to to save the world."

"You really believe that?"

"I didn't at first, but now I do." Cassian sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "You remember the first few years of being with Rhys, how strong the mating bond was?"

"Of course."

"Do you feel it as strongly now? That magical song binding you two together?"

Feyre considered.

"I suppose the bond isn't burning quite as bright, but I haven't really noticed to be honest."

"I noticed, when the bond started to fade. You probably haven't felt it as much because you and Rhys are so grossly in love, but when that initial magic went away, all the issues between us started to become impossible to ignore."

"So, even if Nesta hadn't cheated, you were thinking of ending it?" Feyre asked, and Cassian took a shuddering breath.

"I didn't want that, I don't want that, even now but…" Cassian looked back to her finally, his eyes swimming with tears. Feyre stood up, putting her mug down, and walked around the table to pull Cassian into a hug, tucking his head into her shoulder. Cassian let her, melting into her warmth.

"You'll always be my brother, Cas, no matter what," she told him, stroking his hair gently. "I love you." Cassian pulled back, looking up at her.

"I love you too, sis," he teased, and Feyre laughed, swatting him lightly on the cheek. Her smile faded however, and she smoothed a stray hair from his brow.

"Listen, whatever you decide, however this ends, Rhys and I support you. Not everyone in the family might agree, but you have to do what's right for you. And don't worry about Nesta, I won't let her deal with this alone."

"If she lets you help at all," Cassian muttered.

"I'll be there, I won't let this send her back to where she started." Feyre sounded confident, so Cassian tried to allow himself to feel a little bit of hope.

"Thank you, Feyre. None of us deserve you."

That evening, Cassian went home to Valeris. He stayed the night at the river house, wanting to be rested before he faced Nesta again, knowing that he was about to rip their family apart.